"I love you. I love you. I love you."

"Shut up!" Ryujin wakes up from her sleep. Another nightmare for her. She doesn't know who is the woman in her dreams. It haunting her ever since she wakes up from a coma 5 years ago. She tries to remember her face yet it is too blurry for her. Sometimes she will cry in her sleep when she dreams about the woman. She shuts everyone that tried to approach her nor did she talk to them includes her family about her condition.

"Ryujin, are you awake already? Let's have breakfast together with your papa and brother." Her mom asks her softly. Ryujin doesn't respond to her mom just like what her mom predicted.  She left her mom's question hanging and get up to clean herself. Her mom can sigh only looking at her only daughter's behavior before leaving the room.

"Honey, is she coming?" Mr shin asks her wife as soon as he sees her wife coming down. " she didn't say anything" Mrs shin sighs again. Mr shin nods defeatedly." Let's eat first. I don't think she will come down."

Soon after they almost finished, Ryujin appears in the dining room. The dining becomes silent as they observe her. Suddenly, Mr shin speaks that making ryujin gives her attention to him."let's go to the hospital ryujin. I'm bringing you there tomorrow."Ryujin looks at her father blankly." What are you talking about? I told you not to say that." Mrs shin scolds her husband. "What do you want me to do? It's been 5 years yet she still likes this. I want to help her, Hyun. I cannot bear hearing people saying our daughter is crazy."  Mr shin massages his temple. "Do you think I'm crazy?" Ryujin speaks after a long silence. It's been a long time since ryujin utters any words to them yet the words that come out from shatter their heart. Mr shin becomes speechless as he doesn't know how to answer her daughter's question. They keep staring at each other and ryujin is the first one to break the eye contact. Ryujin mumbles an 'ok' before she gets up and leaves the dining.

---------------------

"Take care of yourself alright? listen to the doctor well. I'll visit you when your father is not busy." Mrs shin pats her head before she leaves her. Her heart aches to see her only daughter has to be in that place but it is for her sake. She wants her daughter back, being the old ryujin that she knows since birth. Ryujin turns her face sideways to avoid looking at her mother when suddenly she heard the voice again. The voice that kept haunting her life. She quickly turns her head, searching for it but no one seems like the voice owner. She shakes her head and cups her ears to stop hearing the voice. "Go away, go away" ryujin whispers again and again as her body trembles. The nurse comes as she sees something is wrong. Ryujin brushes her off when the nurse tries to touch her." I said go away!" Ryujin keeps shouting even when the nurse left her to get to the doctor. They give her sedatives to keep her calm.

"Hey Lia, what's wrong?"

"Nothing. It's just the new patient having a hysteria? She is too strong and kept struggling and now I'm totally drained." Both looking towards the bed that places the patient that lia said." so? What's with the patient?" Lia looks at the information of the patient. "Hmm. Well, the report is too basic? I can't tell,yeji-ah. Who the heck examine this girl?" Lia passes the report to yeji so she can read it too. Yeji assumes that this girl is gonna be hard to deal and they need to have many sessions with her by reading her report.  Her eyes stuck at the name of the patient as she felt something at her heart." shin ryujin" yeji mumbles. "You okay,yeji-ah?" Lia asks when yeji becomes silent and looks lost. "Sorry? Y-yeah. I'm good. You are in charge of her?" "I think so? But next week I'm gonna take a leave. Maybe 2 weeks or so? Maybe there will be another doctor in charge with me for her." Yeji wants to speak again but a nurse calls lia to attend to another patient.

It's been a week ryujin at the hospital yet no progress for her condition.  She sits at the bench near the garden quietly after taking her medicine. She refused to cooperate with her doctor and it makes them a little frustrated. 

~flashback~

"I've been told you kept having nightmares. Care to share your thought with me ryujin-shi?" -silence-  "what can I help you ryujin-shi? I can't do anything if you kept being silent. You can share with me anything and I'm not gonna judge you." Still no response from her. Lia sighed at her behavior. She wanted to push her to the edge so that ryujin would open but she knew that is not the right way to deal with a sick patient. Clock ticking yet no one uttered any word. Lia patiently waited for her to say anything until the alarm rings indicated that their session was finished. Ryujin got up to leave the room that suffocated her as she felt like she can't breathe in there. Right before she opened the door,lia spoke again." When the times come, when you are truly ready I know you will tell your side of the story. So it's okay to take your time as long as you want." Ryujin turned to lia and bowed to her before leaving.

~end flashback~

She hates staying here. The nightmares are still there even she drinks the medicine that they give. Her doctor changed, the more she hates this place but she doesn't show it. She keeps her focus on the scenery as it makes her calm and forgets where she is right now.

"Isn't beautiful out here. Ryujin-shi? You should come out often."

Ryujin thinks it is her imagination again so she ignores it. Then she feels a movement beside her so she turns to look at the person that disturbing her moments." Can I sit here with you?" Yeji smiles at her but ryujin seemed to be surprised to see her and keeps staring at her." Is there something on my face?" Yeji tries again while tilting her head slightly. It looks like her nightmares come true. Should she be happy as she can now find the answer to the questions that playing in her mind so far? But why does she feel scared? Her body starts to tremble again so she cups her ears and runs away from there. Yeji leaves dumbfounded as ryujin walks away from her like she is some kind of a disease that needs to stay away from.'dejavu'  yeji feels like she has been through this kind of similar situation before.

------------------------------

"I need you ryujin. Take me away from here, please."

"Why did you do that? I thought we promised to be together no matter what happened? Why did you lie?"

"Ryuddaeng, say something! Stop shutting your mouth at times like this."

"Should I leave then? Stop the car."

"I said stop the car ryujin! are you deaf? I said stop!"

"no. Wait. No. Please don't. No." Ryujin whispers in her sleep. Her body starts to tremble badly that alerts the nurses there. They try to wake her up but it makes her ramblings and shout, pushing everyone that tries to hold her with her eyes still shut. One of them runs to find the doctor asking for help since the situation becomes out of control. At that time,yeji is making her round comes to the room as she hears the fuss." What happened?" Yeji immediately runs to them to help. When she sees it is ryujin that has her episode, she instinctively cups her face to calm her down."hey, hey, calm down. Ryujin-shi. Ryujin-shi. Open your eyes." Like magic has been done, ryujin stops struggling. Tears rolled down her cheeks but yeji wiped them away softly. The more she wipes, the faster the tears roll down. She can't help but wrap ryujin in her arms as she continued to sob."don't leave me yeddeong, I'm begging you. Please don't go. I'm sorry. I'm really really sorry." Ryujin keeps mumbling the words. Yeji her hair as she feels ryujin gripping her coat tightly as if her life depends on it."I'm not going anywhere. I'm here, relax." Yeji motions to the doctor that arrived to not give any sedative to ryujin since she already calmed down. Everybody witnessing the scene feels amazed as to how did yeji manages to handle ryujin without any kind of help. Yeji pats her back till she sleeps again then she lay her down. "what burdens are you carrying that makes you like this?"yeji thinks in her mind, the hand doesn't stop from caressing her head.

------------------

" aren't you cold?" Yeji takes a seat beside ryujin. Just like the other day when yeji approached her, she ignores her. Yeji takes some time to observe ryujin before she speaks again.

"Do you believe in dejavu?" Yeji noticed that her question piques some interest in ryujin as slightly opens then shuts again. " it feels like I'm having a dejavu right now. Like I've been in this exact situation before but I don't know where is this feeling coming from." Yeji continues. Ryujin spares her a glance, hands fiddling on her lap. Yeji takes it as a sign for her to leave since ryujin doesn't want to talk to her. She aborts her plan to leave when suddenly ryujin asks her, "why?" 

"Sorry?" Yeji asks softly, didn't want to scare her.

"Do you know me?" Ryujin asks again and looks directly at her eyes. Yeji feels intimidated by her stare that she has to cough a little to gain her composure back. She turns her body, completely facing ryujin," yes I know. You are shin ryujin." Yeji waits but ryujin just gives her a sharp gaze that could pierce straight to her soul. 

"Go away." Ryujin clenched her fist tightly, looked away while distancing herself from yeji. "W-what? Did I do something wrong?" It confuses yeji, she doesn't think that she did wrong. Is she? No. It is a fact. So why did ryujin seems angry with her? "I said go away." Sharp and deep. It's like ryujin is trying to control herself from bursting out. Yeji defeatedly mutters an okay and leaves her alone with a heavy heart.

Ryujin is resting at her bed while the others are playing around. She does not care a bit about her surroundings even though it is noisy. At the corner of her eyes, she sees yeji coming towards her. She sighs, another headache coming over in 5...

4....

3....

2...

1...

"Hello, ryujin shi. How are you this afternoon?"

"Why are you here?"

"Looking at your progression."

"You are not even my doctor"

"Then I can be your friend."

" Doctor cannot be friends with a crazy patient."

"Who says? Plus I never say you are crazy ryujin shi."

"Yeah, everybody here says and thinks that."

Yeji sigh, "we are here to help you, you know that right?"

"I don't need it. Go away." Ryujin turns her back facing the wall. She feels sudden anger seeping into her heart towards this doctor. "Look, I'm sorry okay? I'll leave you alone." It didn't faze ryujin a bit but it makes her blood boils more. "what's the purpose of you saying sorry when you don't know your fault." ryujin mumbles when yeji left her.

-------------------

Yeji sees lia from afar so she comes to greet her." Morning! How was your holiday?"

"Morning yeji-ah. Nothing special though." Lia shrugs it off.

"With how your face is glowing this morning? Nah I refused to believe you." Yeji . Lia's face reddens, she cups her left cheek before fanning herself.

"Stop teasing me. Now, I need to ask you something." Yeji nods so lia continues to speak," about ryujin-shi." Yeji's expression becomes serious. She pulls lia to a quiet place so no one is gonna hear their conversation. Lia gives her a weird look, questioning her behavior in silence. "Okay look. I might be weird but do you think I'm the one who is crazy if I said that your patient is not crazy?" Yeji said in one breath.

"What makes you say that?" Lia asks while raising her left eyebrow.

"She felt different from the others. I don't know how to say it." Yeji looks down while playing with her fingers. She looks like a kid that being scolded by her mother for being naughty. The sight is cute for lia to see but the matters that they discuss right now are much serious than that. "I don't know what are you trying to imply yeji-ah. If she is not, then she should prove it. I need proof because she is under me. You understand me right?" Yeji nods defeatedly.

Yeji is reading her patient's information in her room when suddenly there are flashes of memories flooding her mind. Her head spinning and hurting so much that she has to support her head with her hand. She groans in pain while her other hand searches for her pills in a hurry. She eats it as soon as she manages to find it and rests her head on the table. Her reports have long been forgotten and she doesn't have any strength to finish it at this moment.

"Yeji I need to ta-," lia doesn't finish her talk when she sees yeji in pain. "Oh my, what happened to you?"

Yeji doesn't bother to reply and just keeps clutching her head since it gonna take a while for the pills to have their effect. Lia comes near and takes a closer look at the bottle pills. "Since when did you start consuming this med?"

"It's been years now. I've got into an accident that caused me to have memory loss. It's been a long time since I stopped taking it but yeah, things happened again so I had to take it." Yeji explains without looking at lia. Lia nods understanding the situation." Have you checked up with your doctor?" Lia takes a seat in front of her. "No. It happened before, the doctor said there is nothing to worry about as my brain is working its way to remember the past. I just have to take the med when it occurs and not force myself out to remember everything." She can feel the effect, her headache already lessened.

"You're having this headache again means you're not completely remember everything?" Yeji looks up to lia, her brows furrowed. "Yes. I'm hundred percent clueless about my past." There is a tug in her heart each time she mentions it. Sometimes, she wonders why does no one knows, not even her parents about her life before the accident. So she let it slide, didn't think about it too much until 5 years have passed without her noticing. "What makes you come here? You need something?", yeji asks lia who is lost in her thought. " oh yeah, I almost forgot about it. I need to talk to you about this."

---------

The day passed yet no glimpse of yeji coming over to ryujin's place. Ryujin has been waiting for her to come over so she can ask her again. It makes ryujin frustrated and has a bad mood all day long. She remembers everything now, every little thing that she needs to know, questions that always lingering in her head, she already gets the answers. A nurse comes to her side asking her to come along to start her session again with her doctor. She begrudgingly gets up to follow the nurse. The nurse opens the door, urging her to step into the room.

A smile spread across Lia's face when she sees ryujin." have a seat here ryujin shi." Lia close the files that she currently read, take out a pen and a paper before starting their session. "How are you feeling today?" Lia has used to being ignored by ryujin since the beginning. So she takes some time before asking again. "Why don't we listen to music today? Relaxing music is good to give peace of mind." Lia turns to her radio that she already inserted the cd. "I need to see her." Ryujin whispers but lia manages to catch her words. "Who?" It is a progression for ryujin's case because she is willing to have a conversation now. Ryujin looks deeply into her eyes, "yeji."

It is a big fat lie if lia said that she isn't surprised with the request. But why though? "Doctor yeji if you are wondering." Her eyes burn with anger. If stares could kill,lia thought she will be dead with the way ryujin looked at her." Calm down. Yeji is busy and I'm afraid I cannot call her right now." Lia speaks softly to ease the tension. She canceled her plan to play the music, trying to make a slow talk with ryujin." you can talk to me if there is anything that bothering your mind." Lia continues." I ask for yeji. That's all." Ryujin clenched her fists and gritted her teeth when she speaks. Her doctor doesn't make any moves or make any signs that she will call yeji to come over. Her eyes looked around to see anything that can help her to make lia follow her request but she spot nothing. "Please" ryujin pleads to lia. It is a rare sight for ryujin to show any emotion towards lia and it makes her heart soft for her. "Can I know why you want to see her?" Lia said carefully.

 

--------------------

 

Yeji runs as fast as she can after lia calls her. The way lia speaks seems like there is a major problem going on with ryujin. She cannot help but feel worried for the said girl. Her headache doesn't help at all as it coming at this moment but she pushed it at the back of her mind, ignoring the pain since it is not her main focus right now. She opens the door without knocking it first, the sight confuses her as they seem calm? "I'm here" she is panting and her hair is already disheveled after running to get here. Both people in the room stand up while looking at her, their faces full of concern as yeji's face looks paler than before. Ryujin came close to her, her eyes glistening with tears, threatening to fall. "What's wrong?" Yeji asks, it stings her heart to see a sad ryujin but ryujin shaking head, indicating that there is nothing wrong and closing their distance with a tight hug. Flustered with the action, she looks at lia, hoping to get an answer. Lia crosses her arms and leans against the table, letting them have their moments for a while. Her eyes show sympathy towards yeji. Yeji wonders why did lia look at her like that.

Ryujin breaks the hug then stares at her face. Small beads of sweat formed on yeji's forehead and she wipes it with her sleeves before touching the scar at the top of her left eyebrow. "Does it still hurt?" Ryujin whispers. Her headache worsens and she wincings from the pain. She wants to answer but she is feeling lightheaded, and the last thing she sees is a panicked ryujin before everything turns black.

Yeji opens her eyes and everything around her is all white. Then she realized that she is in the hospital. The door opens and there, her parent coming in with a doctor."yeji, you're awake. Thank god." Her mom said. The doctor check up on her condition, confirming that she is good and needs a day or two rest before being discharged. "How long I've been unconscious?" Yeji asks after the doctor left." Two days. I'm very worried when your friend informed me that you'd fainted at work." Her mom speaks while caressing her hand. Her dad standing beside her mom, watching over the two women in front of him that he loves dearly. 

Yeji is quiet as she contemplates whether she should ask them or not about the things that they hide from her." Do you want to ask something?" Her father encourages her to speak her mind. Yeji sighs, this going to hurt a little.

"Why did you lie? I thought you didn't know about my past." Her voice shaking, she tries to hide her disappointment but they knew better about her.

"It's been five years, I'm living in the dark. I can't even tell anyone what's going on in my head because both of you kept me hidden from the truth." Yeji continues.

"I'm sorry. We've learned from our mistakes. I admit this is our fault for not telling you about it." Her dad speaks, apologizing for their wrongdoings. Yeji doesn't want to hear them asking for forgiveness, she just wants to know the reason for what they did. Her heart shatters when she sees her mom and dad avoiding her gaze. Both look down, tears of regrets falling from their eyes.

"Do you plan to tell me about her?"

"We do. But we are afraid of the reaction that you will give after knowing the truth. I don't want to lose my daughter again. You used to hate us in the past and we don't want that to happen again." 

"Yet I deserved to know."

"Yes, you are. We are sorry, dear. Please forgive your old folks."

Yeji cries her heart out, her parents hug her to comfort their daughter. After the heartwarming hug,yeji broke into a smile at the sight of her parent's puffy eyes and red nose." I'm not even mad at both of you, why are you crying so hard?"yeji make a joke.

"Because you are crying and we are sorry to you." Her mom flicks her head not too hard and soothes it back." it's time to return this to its owner. I've kept it too long in my closet,yeji ah. You should take it back." Her mom puts a ring on her palm. She knows very well about the ring but never she thinks her mom kept it with her.

"Mom, i-"

"We know yeji-ah. You've secretly married her. You did it when we told you to marry the son of your daddy's friend right? We knew it after ryujin came to ask for our blessing. It was cruel when we asked her to leave you even though it was clear at that time how much both of you loved each other." Her mom cuts her. Her eyes are teary again.

"Rest well so you can get your girl back."

"Thanks, mom, dad. I love both of you so much."

---------

Yeji goes straight to the hospital where she works right after her discharge. Her mom and dad keep teasing her about being too excited to meet ryujin again. She walks faster while bowing her head to the people who greet her. Some nurses are asking about her wellbeing but she answers a quick okay while saying sorry as she needs to be quick. Just a few steps to the ward where ryujin was located, lia stops her." Hey, aren't you on leave?" 

"Hi, I just want to meet ryujin. I'm not coming over to work. I need to go, talk to you later."

Yeji doesn't give any chance for lia to speak more as she hurriedly takes her steps away to ryujin's place. She smiles when she sees her laying on her bed, face covered with the blanket. She taps her arm slowly, wanting to wake her up without startling her. The blanket pulls down, revealing the face but it is not the one that she wants to see. The patient looks at her, unfazed as she disturbs his sleep. 

"Sorry, just ignore her. You can continue resting, wonyoung-shi." Lia pulls her away after apologizing to the patient.

"Where is ryujin?" Yeji asks after they are both inside Lia's room.

"I've discharged her. Her parents asked to make a detailed test on her and the result is normal so she is free to go." Lia sits on her chair, sighing as it is a long day for her today.

"When?"

"Yesterday. She asked about you but I've got nothing to say about your condition."

"Did she tell you where she gonna go?"

"No. Sorry."

Yeji sighs. She can hear her heart crying because she feels like she is losing her again. Lia observes her friend's face. Yeji feels devastated and sad is written all over her face. Lia thinks if she lets yeji drown in her feelings, she will cry at any moment now.

"Go look for her at her parent's house. Stop sulking in my room."

"I don't know where it is."

Yeji pouts and it makes lia wants to squeal at the cuteness. Yeji is the definition of 'cuteness overload' like what the other staff in the hospital said about her. Lia ruffles her hair and it makes yeji whining as her hair is ruined.

"Aigoo, such a little baby. I said stop sulking and get your up to find her. Seriously, I'm glad you have married already. I can stop people's mouths from shipping us both and stop facing a jealous Chaeryeong." Lia smiles satisfied as she thinks about it. 

"You know?" Yeji is puzzled by the fact that lia knows about her and ryujin.

"What? I'm her doctor. Of course, I know yeji yah. Tsk."

An idea pops into her mind as she knows where to look for ryujin. "I know where to find her. Thanks, lia yah."

She arrived at the apartment where she used to live with ryujin. Is she here? She hopes this is the right place, she believes her heart. Yeji punches in the code to open the door.

Click

The lock is open. Ryujin didn't change the passcode even it is been so long they separated. 'it's still the date of my birthday' yeji thought. She slowly enters the house, scanning through it, hoping the one that she looking for is here. The sight melts her heart, in the living room,ryujin sleeping soundly on the sofa, slightly open. Yeji makes her steps slowly to ryujin and kneeling in front of her, staring dearly at the woman. Ryujin stirs in her sleep when yeji taps her arm slowly.

"Ryujin-ah," Yeji whispers.

Ryujin sits up and rubs her eyes, still in half-sleep.

"Yeji?" Ryujin looks puzzled when she realizes yeji is in front of her. She thought she was dreaming,yeji calling her name with her lovely voice.

"Hey." Yeji greets her again. Ryujin cups her cheeks and keeps asking if she is real. Yeji nods her head, she holds ryujin's hands that are still on her cheeks to ensure that ryujin is not dreaming. Silence engulfed as they keep staring at each other with no words being changed.

"Yeddeong, I -.. I'm sorry. You are in pain because of me." Ryujin speaks, eyes b in tears. Yeji shakes her head, she holds ryujin's hand tighter. It was never her fault for what had happened in their life and she knows ryujin knew it too but keeps blaming herself, living in guilt.

"Shhh, I've heard enough of your sorry Ryu. It was never your fault. We both suffered. I need you to hold me and never let me go again because you are just the only one that I want to be with until the day I die, Ryu." Yeji pulls out the ring inside her pocket, showing it to ryujin to put it on her finger again. Both are in tears when ryujin does it again, remembering the day when they tied the knot to be together.

"Put it to me too?" Ryujin asks as she shows her ring to yeji. Yeji chuckles yet her hand reaches the ring and puts it on ryujin's finger.

"Till death do us part." Ryujin smiles while saying the words.

"Till death do us part. I love you ryuddaeng." Says yeji.

Both lean closer to kiss, eyes shut close as soon as their lips touch. Ryujin breaks the kiss and presses her forehead against yeji's forehead.

"Thank you for letting this stupid woman be in your life again," Ryujin speaks softly.

"Stupid ryujin. My stupid." Yeji grins sheepishly.

"How come we can still enter this house?" Yeji asks curiously.

"I already paid the house. No more monthly installments. I want to tell you before but things happened. This house is yours now." Ryujin proudly tells yeji about it. In yeji's eyes, ryujin never changes, always puts yeji first in every decision that ryujin makes. That makes yeji fall even harder to ryujin.

"Pabo, it is not mine. It is ours." She embraces ryujin with a warm hug. "This is it. The warmth that I've been craving since I woke up from a coma." Yeji says, relief with the warmth that ryujin provides for her when she hugs her back. Even when the mind forgets, their hearts always remember each other, for surely they will come back to each other arms to fill every void that they have in their hearts.

 

After all, they are soulmates. Forever or never.

 

                                        -THE END-