Byulyi had always thought she was nothing special as a child. She wasn’t hyperactive like the kids who could outrun her two times over, smart like the bunch consistently in the honour roll, creative like what her teachers called child prodigies playing piano perfectly or painting pictures that were above what one would expect from a child. She didn’t really fit with any of the groups the grown-ups like to pour their attention to. In fact, she didn’t fit in with the other kids in her grade.

It wasn’t her fault that she stuttered like that one loony tune character. She wasn’t sick. It was all in her head, the doctor said. Byulyi thinks it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to come to that conclusion. She was just incredibly shy and easily intimidated. She had four older male cousins who often picked on her to thank for that.

The prognosis of her growing out of it didn’t look good. Attempts of speech therapy seemed to only make it worse what with Byulyi finding the therapist intimidating in his overly enthusiastic approach. That was until her mother sent her to fetch her father during one of his weekly game sessions with the boys when she was introduced to an art form that would soon take up a large part of her life.

She had watched in awe at the way the cards riffled in expert hands, the fluid motions pulling her in like a vice. She was amazed at the dexterity of the fingers twisting and turning and flipping playing cards with so much ease. And the charisma the dealer had about him, the composed poise as he maintained a conversation with the other players- no, as he commanded the attention of the whole group. She stared at him with admiration and she knew then she wanted to have that same confidence.

“How did you do that?” she found herself asking, and with surprisingly no waver in her soft voice.

The dealer chuckled and gave her a wink. “Practice. Every day until it became like second nature.”

Byulyi likes to think that at a young age she had good self-awareness. She knew she had a tendency to shy away from new people and that’s why she pushed herself to be friendlier. She was courteous, years of mother drilling politeness into her, yet she occasionally had a big head. Her thoughts were always messy but she knew what was right from wrong(most of the time), though restricting herself from acting on impulse was another thing. That’s why she knew she needed a real friend, someone who won’t just stand and watch her. She needed someone who had a good head on their shoulders and wouldn’t take her without telling her off.

And she thinks she knows just who that friend would soon be.

It took her a few days to psych herself up, practicing her card routine and the little speech she wanted to present to seal the deal. She needed to really be on her A-game, this was the one trick that she couldn’t mess up.

There was this one girl who she’d seen roll her eyes at her when she was watching the crowd of kids going ooh over her routine. Byulyi had never really spoken to the girl, didn’t even know her name, but she could always rely on that look of deadpan whenever she saw her. She wasn’t sure if the kid hated her, but her mind was set.

She took one more minute to take a deep calming breath, closed her eyes to list the process of the new routine from start to finish, the keywords she needed to say, the exaggerated movements to keep everyone’s attention on the cards- to keep that attention so close they never see the trick going on right under their noses. Byulyi let a long breath out, checking her three cards one more time before setting her sights on the girl that was going to be her friend.

“Here goes nothing.”

The beginning of their friendship was rough. Wheein didn’t seem to like Byulyi a lot, not that she ever vocalised it but Byulyi wasn’t dense enough not to pick up that the look of deadpan was mostly just for her. With other people Wheein smiled more, showcasing a deep dimple that Byulyi had never noticed before, but around her, Wheein fidgeted and looked like she would rather be somewhere else. Byulyi had to give credit to her though since she never tried to look for an excuse to get away and always listened to her and gave her own honest input.

With time and a lot of endless rambles on Byulyi’s end, Wheein began to warm up to her enough to start cracking genuine smiles and seeking Byulyi instead of the other way around. And as the days passed the two grew comfortable enough to really talk.

Wheein didn’t talk much but she seemed wise beyond her age. She was a keen observer, sticking to the sides to watch other people and understand them through observation. Byulyi guessed that was fun too, though she couldn’t really stand still for too long and her short attention span also made her fidget. She was anything but boring though. She ate up ideas, processed them and called her out on things that were bordering on illegal. She kept Byulyi grounded but let her lose enough not to stamp on her parade. The only thing that bothered Byuyli somewhat was the far-off look on Wheein’s face whenever she pulled out her cards to practice.

“Why cards?” Wheein had asked out of the blue one day. Byulyi paused in practicing one of the false shuffles she had seen on the net, looking to Wheein’s face contorted into something like a pained look. She wondered if the younger needed to get to a doctor but the look dissipated into a blank stare. “Why did you pick cards? Other magicians use different toys too, right?”

Byulyi gave it some thought. She never wanted to be a magician though she wasn’t going to deny that she thought those guys coming up on stage to do flawless magic tricks with ropes and magic red balls were cool, but it just wasn’t her thing. It’s not like she ever wanted to be on stage, except for that one time she did the talent show in the school auditorium but that was to push her boundaries a little more, she didn’t do it for the fame. In fact, she didn’t like the spotlight like that. She wanted it to be casual, just small groups to wow and help her get comfortable.

She cut her card in half, weaving the two halves about an inch in and carefully placing her fingers in the middle before reaching the opposite ends with her free hand and squeezing. The cards fly off to two piles on the table looking like she had given them a good shuffle before gathering one half and putting them on top of the other.

“I like the way they sound when I shuffle them.” She does the routine one more time, listening to the rattling-like sound of the cards before gathering them and laying them out on the table, showing the glossy side. “It’s calming. And I like the way people’s eyes automatically go to them. It makes it easier to talk when people aren’t staring at you.” She looks up to see Wheein’s eyes focused on the cards, entranced at the sight of the deck undisturbed even after all she’s done.

She swallows drily, watching the face of the kid she considered her first true friend. Friends were honest with each other. “I know it doesn’t seem like it, but I’m not really very good around people. The cards help a lot. That’s why I keep them with me at all times.” She could feel herself flushing at the admittance, feel Wheein’s gaze boring into her.

She shook her head, gathering the cards back into a pile and practicing another false shuffle. She could feel chattering one thing or another, her brain becoming hyperactive as her defence mechanism started up in an attempt to drown out her embarrassment and the sudden silence with her long rambles.

Wheein was one of the best decisions Byulyi had ever made. Not only was she a great friend but she made into an even better accomplice.

Byulyi was never selfish in terms of sharing her knowledge in card tricks. She never pretended that she was the best at it, though as far as the school population goes her skills of card trickery were undoubtedly unmatched. She had tried to teach other people but the majority only seem to want to prove that she was cheating. She never said she wasn’t, hence why they’re called card tricks. No one stuck with her long enough to actually understand the nuisance of it all and how it took a lot of time practicing to hone her fingers into how dextrous they are now. No one except for her best friend.

So it was only natural that she showed Wheein how every trick was made possible. Eventually, she runs out of tricks that could only be done by herself, the more extravagant and advanced ones needed an extra hand and Wheein, reluctantly she would say if you asked her, was the best candidate to be her aid.

The pickpocketing had initially been a joke they played against each other, Wheein trying to get to Byulyi’s deck to squirrel them away, Byulyi retaliating with taking something from her. They had played the game long enough to figure out subtle ways to take things from their pockets, sometimes placing bets to see who can keep an item on their person until the end of the day. Then, Byulyi realised how easier it was to slip cards into pockets and suddenly her card trickery had taken another level, much to her excitement and Wheein’s chagrin.

They’re cute together, Byulyi muses as she observes Wheein and Hyejin, the new addition to their little crew, seemingly begrudgingly sitting beside each other on the opposite end of the lunch table. Unlike Wheein and herself, Hyejin had proudly worn her devil-may-cry attitude as if it was a plaque of prestige only presented to those who are worthy. Byulyi didn’t mind, she thought it was cute the way the younger girl talked to her, showed that she didn’t take bull. She had a rough character about her and yet her chubby cheeks and short stature made her look as menacing as a Chihuahua.

Yes, Byulyi liked the girl. It would do Wheein well to have more friends too. The girl was starting to retreat back into her shell, smiling a lot less with other people and only ever being herself around Byulyi.

Byulyi absently runs her fingers along the grooves on the surface of the table, subtly shifting to get a better look at Wheein’s carefully crafted blank features. She wondered if the younger ever truly hated her. It’s been a glorious 4 years after that fateful day and she thought it was far too late to even bring it up. But still, she can’t help but wonder what truly goes on in Wheein’s mind.

Her eyes flutter over to Hyejin who had reached over to steal some string beans from Wheein’s plate. She says her thanks after giving the beans a few good chews, more like an afterthought, not once even looking at Wheein. Byulyi turned her sighs away, smiling at the thought of their little world expanding just a bit more.

It’s a year later and Byulyi finds herself sunken into a pink bean bag, a fluffy blanket pulled tight around her body to help fight off the chill of the cool winter night. Wheein had warned her ahead of the small apartment, that the central heating wasn’t as good as it once used to so many years ago, that they’ll be sleeping in the living room and to bring thick clothes if she wanted to keep her fingers from falling off from the cold. Byulyi didn’t mind. It was rare to have Wheein agree to hang out at Byulyi’s place so at the sudden invite to have a sleepover at her place Byulyi couldn’t turn down the offer.

There was one rule Wheein had set down before they even stepped foot inside the small apartment she shared with her grandmother, and it was to never, under any circumstances, bring out her playing cards. So Byulyi stared longingly at her bag where her favourite pack lay hidden underneath her change of clothes. Her thumb and forefinger pinched the hard edge of the blanket, the thickness of it reminding her of her deck, fiddling with it as she waited for Wheein to stop pacing in front of the tv and finally address her.

Clearly, Wheein’s mind was plagued with something. She had seen the changes in the younger’s attitude, the way she looked more zoned out than the usual, coming back to them with an unreadable look that was close to making Byulyi worry.

That night she picked up what she thinks is a hint of malice in the clipped way Wheein spoke to her mother only to switch to a lesser, more reserved tone when it came to addressing her grandmother. Whatever had been taking Wheein’s mind Byulyi was certain had something to do with her mother. She wondered where her father was in all of this. She hadn’t seen or heard anyone mention a father since she arrived. She wasn’t sure if it was wise to suddenly bring up the topic either, mostly too afraid that it was a sore subject and the two elderly women would overhear her. So she sits, patiently waiting for Wheein to come to terms with her thoughts and speak to her.

Not long after she thinks of that that Wheein sighs, running a palm down her face, lips curving down to a frown. When her hand falls to her side, there are no visible tears in Wheein’s eyes, just the redness around the rims and heaviness that hinted something about her tiredness.

“Do you remember the math teacher back in grade school?” she asks quietly, almost a whisper gently carried by the wind.

It takes a while for Byulyi to recall the memory of the man that once stood at the front of the classroom. He was nice, sure, but he wasn’t exactly the most exciting person in the world for Byulyi to pull up a face and a name in a snap. She purses her lips and nods her head, cocking a brow in question instead of voicing it all out and possibly putting off Wheein enough to go back to her silent pacing.

“My mom and he had been dating a while,” Wheein confesses, her face contorting as if she had just bitten on something that left a bad taste in . She loudly clears , something Byulyi noticed was a habit more than a necessity, tongue sliding out to wet her dry lips. “And I don’t know how to feel about that.”

“My dad wasn’t the best guy around. He failed at being a good husband when he wouldn’t stop gambling even after all the arguments he and my mom had about it. He completely failed at being a father when he suddenly left in the middle of the night. No goodbyes, no explanations. Just gone. He left us with his debt with nothing to pay for it.”

Byulyi’s eyes widen at the information, feeling her heart ache for her best friend going through all of that in her childhood, twisting even more at the realisation that she never actually knew Wheein on a deeper level. Not until now. She pressed her lips together, wondering whether it was right to rise and pull Wheein into a hug or to stay quiet and be the listening ear that Wheein always was for her.

She moves to rise from her seat, the gravitational pull of her centre too low to get her back to her feet. So she takes it as a sign and keeps shut, nodding her head to give Wheein the same acknowledgement she had always been giving her when she went on her hare-brained rambles. But she wasn’t going to just leave it at that. She opened her arms invitingly, uncrossing her legs to make space for Wheein to squeeze in, unsure if this would be met with judging eyes or a laugh. She figured anything was better than the reflection of the pain from remembering the abandonment.

She tries not to show the shock in her face when the younger girl takes three solid steps towards her, eyes glossing from the tears threatening to fall down her cheeks. The coolness of her skin seeping through Byulyi’s thin shirt held nothing to the warmth the spread from her chest as she carefully wrapped her arms around trembling shoulders. The soft sniffling by her ear was as heart-breaking as the hot tears that trailed down her neck to soak into her shirt. Somehow, even with the sadness pushing down on them, Byulyi thinks this would be one of the most important events of her life.

“I never hated you.” The confession catches her off guard. Wheein sniffles, pulling back far enough to wipe her tears with the heel of her palms, “Back then, you said you didn’t know if I hated you, because I never spoke to you. I never hated you. I didn’t like that you played with cards. It’s.. my-my.. dad used to play..” her words taper off as she purses her lips to stop them from trembling.

Byulyi shakes her head, gently patting Wheein’s shoulder. She remembers the looks she used to give her, the silence as she stared at her shuffling cards.

Byulyi’s world seems to suddenly stop and a cold wave washed over her. All those times.. had she been unconsciously making Wheein suffer through watching her?

The cards were a huge part of her life. Could she drop the craft if it made Wheein uncomfortable? Her gut dropped and she swallowed back a gasp, watching Wheein as the younger sniffed back the clog in her nose, wiping the little dribbles of clear snot on the sleeves of her shirt. She pursed her lips, her decision made, albeit full of trepidation.

“I can stop.. If- if it makes you.. I can drop it.” It pains her to say it, but what Wheein thinks matters more to her than what anyone else does.

She’s responded by a grunt, a shake of her head before Wheein leans back to rest her head against Byulyi’s shoulder and, guiltily, Byulyi lets out a sigh of relief. Wordlessly, Byulyi leaves a peck on the side of her head, an action that she doesn’t even need to think of, wrapping Wheein’s smaller body tight against hers.

In the chill of the winter evening, Byulyi thinks she’s understands something much bigger than herself. Like something important has shifted into place and she tucks that revelation away.

Byulyi wonders when women started to attract more of her attention than men. Towards the end of high school? Beginning of college? Was she really attracted to women? Or was it just one woman in question?

She let her eyes dance between her two best friends sitting on the floor of their shared apartment. She takes the time to really look at them, taking in their most prominent features and further cementing in her mind that they were attractive young women. She also thinks, with relief, that she wasn’t the least bit attracted to either. She loved the duo but nothing more than sisterly love and she knew the feeling was mutual for the two younger brats who loved to gang up on her whenever they can.

She had known them for years and was bold enough to say she knew every little thing that made Jung Wheein and Ahn Hyejin. Enough to trust that niggling feeling at the back of her mind when she sees Wheein’s green-filled eyes glare at every guy that walked up to them, then turn into the warmest of chocolates when they landed on Hyejin. Or the way Hyejin’s eyes always seem to be searching for Wheein be it if she’s playing flirting with another guy or when she occasionally giggles from something funny she’s found in her phone. She’s also picked up that the duo seems blissfully ignorant of these facts. And that they have never attempted to cross the fine border between their close friendships into something more. But then again, what did Byulyi know about relationships?

She returns to the phone in her hand, quickly scanning what was like the fourth online article in hopes to find her answers. They were as general as they get, not even a little bit helpful. She sighs and closes yet another tab.

“Unnie, you look like a donkey when you sigh like that.” Byulyi sends a glare over her phone at Hyejin, the younger pointedly blowing the gum she had been chewing, eyes unflinchingly staring back at her as her gum popped and she gathered it back up into . Byulyi couldn’t help the proud smile lifting the sides of her lips and she shoots Hyejin the most obnoxious kissy-face she could make.

The loud unrestrained laughter came from Wheein as she tumbles over from where she was looking over her shoulder. Hyejin grimaces as she rolls her eyes, legs stretched out to pinch Wheein’s arm with her toes. When that doesn’t stop the giggles her toes move closer to Wheein’s face and that puts an immediate end to Wheein’s mirth. The sputtering reply was exaggerated, the anger on her face was far from true, but Wheein was getting better at pretending and Byulyi and Hyejin knew that.

Byulyi resets herself on the couch, letting the duo’s bickering take over the background. She brings her phone back to life, scrolling through the messages to the open house party a little ways off-campus. She doesn’t feel like getting off the couch, much less out of the house, but the invite had been sent to her directly by Junghwan from chemistry who had been psyched about hosting his own party. 

“It was going to be a banger. Lots of booze and music and I’m telling you, it would be great!” Junghwan had told her excitedly, almost bouncing off his seat just at the thought of it that Byulyi thought he was actually going to fall off. He did when a friend of his kicked the chair from under him growling out a “Knock it off”. It didn’t take away the excited look on his face and Byulyi felt just a little bit guilty at even thinking of skipping this party.

“Do you two want to go to a party?”    

The response she receives is a mixture of amazement and skepticism. Card tricks weren’t viewed with childlike wonder like they used to. Years of experience had made people look at life differently and thus they tended to try to look for solutions than simply enjoying what was in front of them. Still, she made a good show, made sure to target only those Wheein deemed gullible enough to be strung along. Drunken claps and cheers still far outnumbered the grumblings and the few who loudly claim to be able to replicate the trick. Byulyi ignores the latter, moving swiftly through the crowd and into a considerably quieter area.

She wipes the sweat from her forehead, running a hand down her good shirt to straighten whatever crease she may have gotten from the mass of wandering hands and unstable feet. Her sights are set on the table that held a few unopened beer cans, hoping to quickly rid of the crowd she had just exited from. She only prepared a few tricks; it wouldn’t be wise if she repeated the show especially surrounded by college kids who had little inhibition. Arguments and violence usually came hand in hand with intoxication.

Popping open a can, she lifts the drink to her lips, subtly scanning the area for her two favourite people. She had seen Hyejin last, casually luring their target closer to the front as not to draw too much suspicion on their little act. She couldn’t see her now, probably gone to enjoy the rest of the night. She guessed wherever she was Wheein’s over-protective wouldn’t be too far.

She swallows the bitter taste in , face screwing up. She smacks her lips, placing the lukewarm can back down on the table with a disgusted shudder.

“I didn’t think anyone would actually drink that.” Byulyi her head at the new individual joining her on the abandoned table.

She looked like a doll. Byulyi took note of the silkiness of her dark, long hair, the pallor of her skin tone even under the dim lights, and those dark, big eyes regarding her that both gave out an air of maturity and yet held the curiosity of a child that craved for more knowledge.

Byulyi’s eyes are immediately drawn to her shapely lips, supple and healthy-looking lips curved up into a demure smile. She caught herself and turned her sights away, lifting the can back up to her lips to take another mouthful from the distasteful drink. Fighting off her gag reflex Byulyi let the warm drink settle in her stomach, wishing she had something to munch on to chase away the lingering bitterness in her taste buds.

“I just need a drink.” She responded casually, or as casually as she could while ignoring her rapidly dampening palms and the frog that was settling in .

“Nice trick. I wouldn’t suppose you would be willing to humour me and let me in on the secret for that show you did.” Byulyi arched a brow, looking the woman over as she considered her option. She really didn’t mind but the flashy false shuffle she did wasn’t exactly easy to explain in an environment like the one there were in. It took time to learn, hours of practice to find a flow, and a few more to find the confidence to put up a show.

“Well, I-“

“Joohyun! There you are!” The loud voice cut Byulyi off before she could even start. Her sights swing around to check the source of the disturbance and instantly felt like the ground disappeared from underneath her. So she places her palm flat on the table, leaning most of her weight on it to stop herself from crumbling into a nervous mess.

“You really have crappy timing.” The doll-like pretty girl groaned as her friend reached her side, urgently tugging at her arm.

This time around Byulyi lets her eyes take in the healthy figure in the black, body-hugging dress. Her shoulder-length, wavy hair was a mess, some strands sticking to her flushed, chubby cheeks and sweaty forehead, possibly from running around the place looking for her friend. The worried look on her face made Byulyi want to move to her side, take her hand and ask her what was wrong and if she could help, but the frog in seemed to have engulfed the entirety of her pipes and her sweat glands opened up like a dam. Her eyes habitually fall to the pout of the lips and Byulyi swallowed, gripping the can in her hand a little tighter that it made an audible crinkle.

“Whatever, look, Sooyoung dared Yerim to chug half a bottle of Jack.” That seems to catch the other woman’s attention and her languid body language turned ramrod straight, her facial expression switching from bored to serious in a matter of a second.

“You let her drink the whole thing?”

“What?! Of course not! She drank it before I even found them. Why are you getting angry at me for?! I wasn’t the one dragging them here.”

The one named Joohyun seem to recall that Byulyi was there with them and turned an apologetic look to her. She opened to say something when her friend tugged her away. She smiled instead, lifting a hand for goodbye or an apology, Byulyi really didn’t know.

She also didn’t know why she did what she did right after. It was like her body had a mind of its own, her feet, hand, and mouth forming an alliance to override her brain’s command, or rather the lack thereof.

“Hey wait! I-um..” Her words trailed off when the duo stopped and turned at her call, Joohyun with a confused look on her face while her friend took on more of an annoyed one. “I uh…” she took a step back, pulling her outstretched hand back to fiddling with the beer can. “I can- I can teach you.. the trick, I mean… ah- I didn’t get your name.” She casually tugged at the collar of her shirt, pretending she wasn’t blushing as hard as she felt she was or that her gut was flopping around like fish out of water.

“Ah yes,” Joohyun grinned, shaking away her friend’s grip on her- the other woman’s exaggerated reaction tickled Byulyi’s funny bone but she held it in- putting a hand up to her chest “I’m Joohyun, and this” she takes a quick look behind her to her friend, gesturing flippantly at the woman while she looks on absurd at the treatment she was getting “is my friend Yongsun. Sorry, but we need to go do some... er.. damage control. Our friends aren’t really fabulous drunks.”

“Yeah, no, I understand, me too- my friends I mean... Well, they don’t really get drunk often; they’re pretty good at handling their alcohol. But they get a bit loose and- well, they end up getting into they’re not supposed to… Oh, I’m sorry. Yeah, I guess I’ll see you two around. Uh, bye Joohyun.. erm.. bye Yongsun.” Byulyi sheepishly ducked back, taking another swing from the horrible lukewarm beer in hopes to shut up before she made a bigger fool of herself.

She could hear the tinkling laughter of who she guessed was Joohyun; she was sure the one grumbling under her breath was the beautiful mess beside her and she wondered if that was directed at her. Carefully spitting the drink back into the can she took a surreptitious glance to where the duo was, just catching the sideways glance of Yongsun as they’re swallowed by the crowd around them.

Flashy card girl was what they called her.

By them Byulyi meant pretty but strict unnie, Yongsun – at least, that was what Joohyun claimed.

Joohyun and Yongsun were a year older, taking Bachelor of Laws and Bachelor of Hospitality Management respectively. They had roughly the same circle of friends and mostly had the same minor subjects thus pairing up seemed like a no-brainer for them. Interestingly, they were apparently known as scary seniors by their younger peers. Byulyi begged to differ.

Joohyun was very accommodating when they eventually bumped into each other on campus during their break. She certainly was excited to try her hand at imitating Byulyi’s false shuffle, something about wanting to wow a very close friend and to show the rest of her group she wasn’t a boring boomer. In the glow of the natural light, she was absolutely bewitching, that was certainly something Byulyi couldn’t deny, especially when she had that focused look on her face. She reminded her of a living, breathing Japanese doll, only for the eyes to admire and never for the hands to touch.

Now, Yongsun was a bit more of a harder nut to crack. They were often found together during their free time, something Joohyun had jokingly said was due to her friend being either extremely shy around new people to the point of intimidating them or extremely hyperactive to the point of scaring them. With the straight-laced, no-nonsense stare down she somehow kept receiving, Byulyi believed it.

Still, she was beguiling when she smiled, and when she laughed Byulyi felt like having cupid’s arrow striking her chest with the careless way she showed her delight- bright, big smile, squeaking chortles, and pink cheeks. Whereas Joohyun exude grace and elegance, Yongsun had this aura of confidence about her that commanded attention.

She was gorgeous and Byulyi would think herself a fool if she didn’t admit it.

“Unnie, does Yongsun-unnie hate me?” she dared asked Joohyun, fiddling with the ends of the thick lace of her hoodie. The elder, only half paying attention to her as she’s too focused not to fumble the multiple-cut false shuffle she was trying to perfect, hums distractedly.

It takes her a second to answer, carefully prying a small stack to pivot while maintaining balance on the tips of her left and right index. “Yongsun? Don’t mind her. She’s just a little peeved at the way you spoke to her. She’s just weird like that. Give her a couple of days, she’ll get over it.”

“Really?” Byulyi perked, looking up at the older woman to see if she was just yanking her chain.

“Yeah…” was the distracted answer having arrived at a particularly tricky finger manipulation point without dropping her cards. She grins when the cuts she did fall back into place, a little messy but all in order “eventually, she’s going to have to let it go.”

Byulyi’s shoulder sags at the follow-up answer and groans “Eventually?”

Joohyun shrugs, her deep brown eyes flickering to watch the students mill around the open court. “Yongsun gets a bit hard on people, but that’s only because she’s a  bit of a perfectionist. She likes to have control over any situation and gets a little uppity when things don’t proceed smoothly. She dislikes discrepancies and it looks like you have a lot going on under your selves for her liking. Give it some time, she’ll get used to your surprises and will grow to get used to you.”

“Uh.. ouch.” Byulyi sniggers at the wording, placing a palm against her wounded heart as she gives Joohyun an exaggeratedly pained face. “Get used to like some little background NPC.”

“Ah, but you’re too clever, too interesting to simply be an NPC. Cheer up, Byulyi, at least she notices you.” Byulyi lets out a bark of laughter, swiping the deck from Joohyun’s limp hold. She does the same fancy false cut shuffle Joohyun had been practicing, adding an additional flourish before fixing them back into her palm and fanning them out to show she hadn’t moved a single card out of place.

Joohyun gives her an unimpressed look, crossing her arms over her chest “Must you show off?”

“Well, that’s half the fun of it. How else am I supposed to catch people’s attention?”

Joohyun rolls her eyes at her but she couldn’t hide the lifting of her lips or that little snort from holding in her laughter. Byulyi gives her a little nudge, taking her dainty little hands to basically shove the deck back to her.

“Practice Bae, and work on showing off and looking friendlier. People think you’re snobbish.”

“Hey!”

“Only speaking the truth, Ms. Bae.” Byulyi cackles as she scuttles away, turning only once to give an exaggerated deep bow to the surprised Joohyun. Now, Byulyi needed to work out how to get to Yongsun’s good side, even if it means putting on a grander show for one audience.

Nothing was working out the way Byulyi hoped.

She’d probably made friends with everyone in Yongsun’s circle of friends yet still, the elder regarded her with some sort of, what Byulyi think looks like, disdain. She’s even managed to impress Yongsun’s elder sister- which was a feat as she was sweating bullets at double the intensity of the glare from both Yongsun and her sister’s boyfriend. And she managed to get into a friendly banter with the boyfriend and still get the cold shoulder from Yongsun.

Was she pushing it too far? And more importantly, was she looking a little too desperate at this point, because she sure felt like it.

“Why are you getting your in a bunch over one girl?” Wheein asks with the ire heavy in her voice. Byulyi briefly wonders why, but a quick look over her shoulder at her fallen character answers her question. She rubs at her chin, her earlier thoughts crowding at her. Closing her eyes, she pinches at the bridge of her nose hoping that could ease her growing headache.

“I told you before, Wheein. I don’t like making enemies out of people.”

“You said that when we were in grade school. That was almost a decade ago. I’m pretty sure you made a few enemies along the way, so what’s so special about Miss Yongsun?”

Well, that was the question, wasn’t it?

She’s gotten to know the likes of Seulgi and Wendy with whom she found ease talking and joking around and even had a few coffee dates with to just chat about their interests and dreams and everything else in between. She’s found a sort of sisterly fondness for the two youngest of the group to whom she was reminded of both Wheein and Hyejin minus the history. They were as troublesome, if not even more and that found them a soft spot in Byulyi’s heart. Then there was Joohyun who was equally gorgeous, smart, kind and was more than willing to hang out with her- who she owed the gratitude of bringing the other four into her circle of friends.

So, why was she so hung up on Kim Yongsun?

“Well.. she’s cute, really nice, kind to people around her. And, she happens to be good with hyping up a crowd. She’s… she’s got a good aura about her.” She has a great personality, even though most people think her weird. She never seems to run out of battery. According to her friends, she’s always up to lend a helping hand or give honest criticism, she’s got a good head on her shoulders. Overall, she just seemed like a great woman.

All in all, it sounded like Byulyi’s crush had turned into an undeniable infatuation.

She pressed her lips together, steepling her fingers, focusing on the blanching tips of her middle finger instead of meeting Wheein’s inquiring gaze head-on as she questions her words. She breathed in deeply, gathering her little bit of courage. There was no point with twisting her words when it was becoming so blatantly obvious.

“I like her, okay?” And Byulyi thinks she couldn't have found words more true as she settle back on the couch, mind a little clearer and her heart a little calmer. Yongsun was headstrong, never one to be easily swayed. She knew what she wanted and didn’t settle for anything less. She was impartial yet had a kind heart and she didn’t let a little negativity ruffle her. She was an admirable woman and Byulyi found that y.

Falling into the thought of Kim Yongsun brought a brush to her cheeks and she flung her body against the couch, smashing the pillow to hide her flushed face and the silly grin. “I like her. As a woman.”

Tingles, unlike anything she felt before, ran through her body, engulfing her like a cool spring. Even Wheein’s exaggerated reaction couldn’t damper the pleasant warmth that spread from her chest at the acceptance of what had long been curdling in her thoughts.

The feeling, however, doesn’t last long as the mere mention of the last of their troublesome trio brought the atmosphere of the room down.

The darkness that comes over her expression wasn’t like anything Byulyi has seen in her junior in their years together. She knew Hyejin and her dates were a touchy subject. Wheein never spoke about any of the guys Hyejin took a fancy to and Hyejin never mentioned anything about them when they were together. It was like there was an unspoken rule between them about Hyejin’s various dates. They never lasted long anyway.

Byulyi wasn’t sure how to think about this particular topic, but what she does know was that Wheein needed a distraction and if Byulyi was a master of something it was the art of misdirection.

“Hey, ditch the controller. I’ll teach you how the three-card monte goes.” She may have said a little too eagerly.

Wheein gives her a judging look then warily down at the cards she was riffling through for three particular cards. It takes a bit of urging but Wheein relents with a deep sigh. It takes almost the rest of the night practicing the false shuffle but by the end, Wheein was in a better mood. Her mood significantly improved when Hyejin came back and demanded to watch a movie and cuddle with her human bolster. Byulyi could only shake her head and grin at the adorableness of her oblivious juniors.

The party was loud.

Byulyi wonders if this was what it was like for her age to catch up with her. Like how her mother used to complain to her about the music she was playing in her room being too loud or grating to the ears. The kids would have a field day with her if they ever get wind of this. But if she was truly being honest with herself, she found little to no interest in the idea of parties and drinking anymore. The parties were always loud and rowdy and really the ones she only ever bothers to go to now were the ones that the kids want to attend. She still found it amusing putting on a show for the loud drunks, so long as they weren’t the angry type who throws punches first and deal with the consequences later. She liked the way her face was currently, thank you very much.

But she lost the kids sometime between calling one of their target volunteers and struggling with one particular audience who just “wanted” to see the trick up close, a little too close and personal to Byulyi’s liking, too drunk to take the hint that Byulyi’s patience was running thin. She managed to slip away from that one before things went sour.

That was when a familiar laugh catches her attention. Her lips hiked into a wide grin as she pushed through the crowd of bodies. Her arms come around a slim waist before lifting the woman off her feet for a full 2-second bear hug.

The hard slaps to her shoulder were well worth the loud shriek of terror she pulled out of the prim and proper Joohyun. And she was more than happy to receive four extra hands grabbing at her from all sides for their turn of the affectionate greeting they’ve grown to love.

“I didn’t expect you girls to be here.” Byulyi looks over the group, her teasing eyes settling on the youngest and her smile turns into a smirk “Especially you, little one.” Then she directs the rest of her question to the group, her tone playfully reprimanding “Isn’t Yerimie a bit too young to be dragged into these kinds of parties?”

She accepts the hard sock to her arm, exaggerating her reaction to stumbling and clutching at the spot she was punched. Byulyi pulls off a decent look of pain and dramatically complains about going to the doctors and her magic act being ruined. The second punch, she thinks, is worth the laughter that booms from the group of friends and the razzling.

“I should have known. You just can’t stay away from parties, can you Byulyi?” Joohyun shakes her head but offers Byulyi a drink from her cup.

Byulyi holds up a hand, silently refusing the drink, her gaze instead roaming about for one particular set of dazzling eyes that would likely look at her with irritation. “I’m only here for the kids. No drinking for me tonight.” She says, partly as an excuse for her roaming eyes.

She’s surprised by the grapple on her shirt, the collar digging into her neck, and jerks back when she comes face to face with an all too serious expression from Seulgi. Byulyi feels her stomach lurch, not used to the usually cheery woman losing her smile plus the uncomfortable distance of being almost nose to nose.

“Who are you and what have you done to our Byulyi?”

“Seulgi.” She whines, unmindful of the jesting from the group. She lays her hand over the clenched fist under her chin, surprised at the firm grip her friend had on her. She eyes Seulgi's face, finally taking note of the reddish tint her face was taking on and sniffing the faint trace of liquor.

Great. Seulgi was drunk.

Byulyi’s gaze flickers over to Joohyun’s in hopes to silently convey her need for assistance but instead shivers at the straight-faced deadpan she receives. Or was that a downright glare directed at her?

Prying Seulgi’s tight grip on her shirt, Byulyi took a generous step back, loudly complaining about her shirt being wrinkled while actively avoiding eye contact with Joohyun. Byulyi was beginning to think that very close friend she wanted to wow was not just a friend, or at least Joohyun did not want to stay that way.

She gets pats on the back and more jokes at her expense. She clocks Wendy trying to get their drunk friend to sit down and have a glass of water and then accidentally locks gaze with Joohyun. She almost jerks her head away but was surprised at the sheepish smile she’s responded with.

“Now, now, everyone. Let Byulyi breathe.” Joohyun says laying a hand over Sooyoung’s shoulder. The taller woman, after giving Byulyi one last teasing look, takes a dainty drink from her cup before wrapping her free arm around Yeri and skipping to crowd around Seulgi.

“So… you never did say if you wowed that very close friend,” Byulyi says as she fixes her shirt, watching Joohyun freeze for a moment before rolling her eyes and shoving her cup into Byulyi’s hand.

“What kind of person comes to a college party and does not have even one drink?” she says as a way to change the topic. Byulyi snorts and, sure that Joohyun was watching her, turns her gaze over to the couch Seulgi was animatedly trying to recount something to a patient Wendy. She doesn’t say anything else on the matter, didn’t need to as Joohyun’s rapidly reddening cheeks and fidgeting was answer enough for her. She goes on to say something else mundane, reaching to brush something down Byulyi’s arm, an excuse to fully turn her back to her group. Byulyi could tease rings around Joohyun, especially now that the elder had given her ammo, but she was feeling nice that night. She let Joohyun fuss over her shirt, not minding at all the soft tugging here and there to straighten her shirt or the comment about the stain at her back and tips to washing it away. Just grinning through it all and thinking how much easier it would have been if she had fallen for Joohyun instead of her feisty friend. 

“Anyway, where are your kids?”

Byulyi lifts her shoulders in a half-assed shrug, throwing another quick look around their surroundings. “Somewhere together, I can tell you that for sure. They ditched me.”

“Aww, poor baby. Well, if it makes you feel any better, Yongsun ditched us too.”

Byulyi knew Joohyun was getting back at her, but she didn’t even try to hide the way her body straightened in interest at the prospect of catching Yongsun. She widened her eyes, raised her brows, feigning surprise at the revelation but her eyes were back to searching “She did that now, huh? You want me to tell her off? It’s not ideal to break off the group at these kinds of parties, you know? Lots of testosterone-fuelled frat boys, plenty of alcohols, and drugs…”

“Right.” Joohyun gamely nodded her head, taking on an expression of faux concern as she hooked her arm around Byulyi and pulled her along the corridor of the house “Can you do that for us? You know how she is, one-tract mind, warnings be damned.”

“Ah- yes. I can do that. I’ll tell her off properly for you.”

“Great. She’s gone off that way. Go.” Byulyi thinks she’s imagining it, but she swore the smile Joohyun had given her was far softer than usual. “Take care of her Byulyi.”

Byulyi’s regarded her curiously, tilting her head in trying to figure out what she meant by her last words. Before she could ask, Joohyun had turned heels, shouting at her group to behave and sober up.

She shakes off her confusion, her body reigniting with energy at the prospect of bumping into Yongsun. There wasn’t going to be any tricks tonight, nothing up her sleeves but rather she was going to be wearing her heart on her sleeves. This cat and mouse game of theirs was going to end tonight, and if the Gods don’t will it then it was time Byulyi did some stepping up and take things a bit more seriously.

She catches sight of her two best friends first, in their own world, heads down in conversation, one that Hyejin seems to be getting the upper hand judging by the redness blossoming from Wheein’s cheeks. She throws her arm over their shoulders bringing them in for a hug and giving pecks on their cheeks, just narrowly avoiding Wheein’s lips with her squirming around like an eel. She ignores the exaggerated response, her gaze already darting around for signs of Yongsun.

Catching her wandering gaze she feels Hyejin’s clawed hand clutch at her forearm, “She’s on the second floor,” Hyejin says, her eyes lazily trailing up to the ceiling. “She was alone, last I saw her. But you know how these parties are. Better be quick unnie, before you lose your chance.” She grins, patting her shoulder in gratitude before striding over to where she recalled the stairs were.

Getting up to the second floor wasn’t much of a hassle. Most of the partying were done at the shared living space and the kitchen, and though the fraternity house closely resembled an apartment complex the halls were wider, giving more than enough room for people to come and go as they pleased comfortably.

That was why she easily spotted Yongsun, dressed comfortably in a flowery patterned crop top and slim jeans that looked wonderful on her. Her head was pulled back as she let out a mixture of a loud guffaw and a squeaky kind of laugh, a signature of hers that Byulyi found endearing. What Byulyi didn’t like was the guy beside her, hands animated in front of him as he engaged her in conversation.

Byulyi pressed her lips together, closing the gap between them in long strides. The blank expression on her face worlds apart from the jumble of excitement, longing, and nervousness packed in her chest. Her hands were already clammy and she hastily brushed them against her jeans as she took a calming breath, sliding right beside Yongsun as calmly as she could.

Her eyes flickered to the guy grinning widely beside Yongsun, looking him up and down calculatingly. He was handsome, broad-shoulders, clean-shaven, and his hair slicked back, but there was a respectable distance between Yongsun and him that Byulyi gives a sigh of relief and strengthened her heart a little.

“Hey Yong-“ Her eyes fell to the older woman, gulping nervously at the intense stare she was receiving and she continued “sun-unnie.”

She’s pleasantly surprised when the elder gives her a dazzling smile, her hand coming up to hook around her and pull her closer. “Byulyi, should have known I’d find you in a party.”

Byulyi scoffed, refraining from fidgeting around and hoping Yongsun couldn’t hear how loudly her heart was beating just by this little familiar contact they have “Hyun-unnie said the same thing. Just so you know, I don’t go to all parties, just the one the kids want to go to.” She explains in lieu of staying mute.

“Uh-huh,” The way Yongsun mutters is teasing, and Byulyi nearly has a whiplash at the change of attitude. She looks over Yongsun’s face, checking for the tell-tale Asian-flush, then around her for any signs of alcoholic beverage. She spots the innocuous can of coke by Yongsun’s heels and wonders if that was spiked. Her eyes shift to the other party, unmindful of her addition to their group as he takes a drink from his beer.

“Unnie, are you drunk?” she stumbles some at the sudden push from her side, grinning a little at the scowl Yongsun shoots her. That was more like the Yongsun she knows.

But her grin wavers and her heartbeat skips when Yongsun reached back to sling her arm around Byulyi’s again as if it was the most comfortable thing for her to do in the world. As if it was normal for her to do this with Byulyi. And Byulyi wouldn’t lie, she doesn’t mind this at all.

Feeling a little braver, Byulyi takes a step forward, effectively putting Yongsun behind her back protectively as she puts her free hand out for a greeting. “Hi, I don’t think we’ve met before.”

The man grins as he pushes off the wall, his eyes seem to shift over to Yongsun before coming back to hers, slotting his bigger hand around hers in a firm handshake. “No, but I’ve seen your performances Byulyi. Got to say, I’m impressed by your tricks and if you don’t mind, I’d like to pick at your brains on how you pull those off so effortlessly. You have someone working alongside you for a majority of the tricks right? A sleight of hand here and there? The best performance, I have to say, was the one where you basically robbed the guy blind in front of an audience. Love it!”

“This is Wonsik, and he happens to be a big fanboy of yours if you couldn’t tell,” Yongsun says drily, tugging Byulyi’s arm back. Byulyi doesn’t put up a fight and pulls back from said fanboy, settling to a spot beside Yongsun as she lightly berates the guy for his overexcitement.

Wonsik responds in laughter, reaching out to touch Yongsun by the side of her arm. Byulyi doesn’t react, just watched as the two seemed to be comfortable around each other, but not in the way that made her think they were together. And maybe she was distracted by the hand slowly rubbing nonsensical patterns around her arm and the warmth that comfortably settled in her chest as she watched Yongsun animatedly chat with her friend.

She loses herself just watching the brunette, delving into her growing feelings for this woman who seems to have opened up another side of her for Byulyi to see. She revels in the feeling of the other giving her some form of affection, the warmth against her side that just seems to spread and encompass her whole. Maybe she was looking at Yongsun with pink-tinted glasses, after all, Yongsun had always kept her at arm’s length prior to that day. Maybe she was setting herself up for heartbreak and Yongsun doesn’t actually see her as anything other than an annoyance that was just starting to grow on her.

But that was the thing with loving another person, right? You give yourself whole, hoping the other would treat you gently and hold your hand protectively instead of letting you fall.

Distracted by her thoughts, Byulyi doesn’t notice the lull in the conversation. Neither does she notice Wonsik giving Yongsun a parting hug. She does notice the hand coming to intertwine with her own and she turns her surprise gaze around at Yongsun, a coy smile playing on her lips as she slots a key into the door beside them.

Byulyi’s brain freezes as the door swing open and an urgent tug on their linked hands pulls her towards the dark, lightless room. Her breath hitches when she feels Yongsun’s arms coming around her neck, fingers dancing around the sensitive area behind her neck that sent shivers down her spine. She thinks her soul left her the moment a soft pair of lips crashes against her own, in a way that was clumsy and hard and inexperienced, and she in a moan when those same pair of lips parted, catching in between her own, urging her to do the same. And who was Byulyi but a simple mortal with simple needs?

Her eyes fluttering close, she responds in kind, her own arm wrapping around the slender waist, bringing their bodies closer together. The thudding of music from the party downstairs was nothing compared to the loud beating of her pulse in her ear. The little alcohol she had from Joohyun’s drink held nothing to the warmth that spread from her chest to send tingles from the top of her head to her toes.

She had never held another being as intimately as she was doing so with Yongsun right now, but she couldn’t help the thought that this felt right. Right then and there, in the room of a random fraternity guy that smelled like a mixture of damp carpet, an overpowering cologne, and axe body spray, with the girl that has been in her dreams finally in her arms, everything felt right with her.

So it doesn’t quite register with her when they parted for air the words that left her lips. Wheein had always told her it was best for her to shut up in high-stakes situations, yammered before her brain could catch up to the situation. Hyejin thinks it’s funny and occasionally purposely puts her on the spot to watch her say ridiculous things before realizing she shouldn’t have opened .

It was ridiculous, Byulyi thinks, as talking was a major part of her shows. She needed to wow, distract, misdirect the audience with her actions partnered with her words. They were part of her arsenal and one would think she had full control of the words leaving .

So when the question leaves her lips she freezes, her heart dropping to her stomach. She wasn’t ready. This was not what she wanted to say, at least not the right condition for her to say it.

She broke into a cold sweat, eyes widening as they land on the silhouetted form of the woman in her arms. dries and she scrambles to think of a way to take her words back without it being too obvious of her panicking state.

“I’m not an easy girl, Byulyi.” Byulyi was ready to scream. She wanted to slap herself silly and burn her tongue so that it would never betray her in the future. She had royally ed that up.

Maybe getting on her knees and begging for forgiveness for her brash words would suffice. She thought of playing her words off as a joke but she didn’t think Yongsun would like that and Byulyi would never forgive herself if she would lose her chance over a misstep.

“I- Yong- I did- I” a finger against her lips halted her scattered thoughts, followed closely by the same warm pair of lips she had just been drugged to silence with.

When Yongsun pulls back Byulyi cranes her neck to catch a little bit more of the feeling, her arms curling tighter around the lithe body flush against hers. Selfishly Byulyi thinks she can’t leave her if Byulyi wouldn’t let her go, but she knows once the elder starts pushing away her body will relent to her.

The same coy smile comes back to Yongsun as she prods Byulyi’s chest with a finger, effectively pushing her back to a respectable enough distance and Byulyi’s hands reluctantly come away, falling limply to her side. “Take me out to a couple of dates first before asking me to be your girlfriend. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Really?!” I mean,” Byulyi flushes at the excitement in her voice, pressing a hand to to hide the dumb grin she was sure was on her face. “You’ll go out with me?”

Yongsun giggles, reaching up to wrap her hand around Byulyi’s wrist, pulling her hand down her face. “Are you asking me out on a date right now? I mean..” she turns to look around the dark bedroom, the only source of light from the slightly ajar door they’ve forgotten to close. “not exactly a romantic place to ask.”

“I’ll take you out to a romantic place to make up for this.” Again, Byulyi’s mouth beat her to the punch and she in a breath, hoping Yongsun wouldn’t think her as pathetically desperate as Byulyi is beginning to feel herself to be.

Yongsun’s soft chuckle was like music to her ears.

Byulyi grins widely as she’s tugged by her hand back outside. She hears Yongsun mutter softly about her deal with Wonsik being a waste as she pockets the keys.

Whatever it was, it doesn’t matter, Byulyi thinks as she’s dragged back to the party. She doesn’t care for what Wonsik had to do with anything, not when Yongsun was there with her, hair wildly flying as she danced to the rhythm of the song. Nothing else mattered when, tired and out of breath, Yongsun drags her out of the cramped dance floor to a less crowded space. Byulyi thanks her lucky stars when Yongsun’s arms are back around her neck and Byulyi’s arms are wrapped around Yongsun’s waist possessively and their giggles turn into light, butterfly kisses that devolve into sloppy, inexperienced, open-mouthed kisses.

And like that, Byulyi feels this part of her life falling into place. She may not have always fit in, but as she lays drugging kisses against Yongsun’s soft lips, she thinks she’s finally found a place that was just the right fit for her. And if Yongsun will let her, she’ll happily slip in place right beside her, like a puzzle fitting into its space.

They’ll take it one day at a time.