•••

 

The airport is awfully busy on a Tuesday morning.

 

After successfully escaping a fifteen person crowd and signing object after object after limb, Seungwan taps at her phone to text her manager – wincing lightly as her fingers painfully hit the screen because of the icy temperature.

 

I’ve arrived.

 

She stuffs her phone back in her pocket, arms crossing across her chest while she waits. As she lets herself gaze around; at the people rushing to terminals and checking in their flights, Seungwan can’t help but feel weird.

 

She still can’t really believe she’s here. In Seoul.

 

The twelve hour flight across the North Pacific Ocean was a whole blur, but now – now, she’s really feeling it creep under her skin. Because, it was here. Here, where her acting career stemmed from and she was finally back after three full years.

 

“Oh my god, look, it’s so pretty!”

 

Seungwan cranes her head to see a group of young girls fangirling over something showing on the large digital screen above them. It makes the sides of curl up in amusement, watching the excitement shine from their faces, so, out of curiosity, her eyes follow their pointing fingers and—

 

(IN CINEMAS NOW: Double Patty, starring Bae Joohyun and Shin Seungho)

 

Her breath gets caught up in .

 

The movie poster is being displayed brightly and her line of vision gravitates towards a particular crinkled smile.

 

Beautiful.

 

It’s just as Seungwan imagined, on days she found herself sometimes thinking about the endless what if’s.

 

Beautiful, because there’s really no other way to describe it. No other word that even comes close.

 

Beautiful beautiful beautiful – and it’s jarring to Seungwan that she hasn’t completely forgotten that, hasn’t erased it out enough for her body to stop reacting innately.

 

Immediately, the feeling that’s been uncomfortably hanging on her ribcage for as long as she can remember kickstarts. She crawls her way back into her heart and comes alive; embers that the blonde once convinced herself were dead glowing up again, slow and careful, because it’s been here before – but it’s also the first time in a long time that Seungwan is letting it happen.

 

The woman’s mouth is dry when she forces herself to look away, hand gripping more tightly onto her suitcase to stop the shaking.

 

Three full years, but she didn’t expect to see her – intangible, but very much her – so soon.

 

It’s then that her back pocket buzzes, and she doesn’t hesitate to push the thoughts away, taking it as her cue to keep an eye out for an oncoming vehicle. The blonde shudders underneath her leather jacket, deeply regretting not choosing a more winter appropriate airport outfit.

 

Forget Toronto – Seoul’s winters were always harsh to Seungwan.

 

(—but, of course, they were much harsher to her.)

 

•••

 

It’s only been a few days into the shooting of her first big film, and Joohyun already feels herself being physically drained.

 

It doesn’t help that her trailer is terribly insulated – the dark-haired woman can’t go over the script without her teeth chattering every few minutes. So, she often finds herself in the catering food area, standing close to the electric heater as she practices her lines.

 

“The weather’s really chilly these days, isn’t it?”

 

Joohyun jumps in her spot, swallowing her yelp in time to turn around and meet the eyes of an unfamiliar woman beside her.

 

Long brown hair, sharp jaw and high cheeks. She must’ve had her makeup done not too long ago, because her lashes are curled in a way that makes her pretty eyes stand out. Joohyun thinks she’s seen this person walking to the trailers on her way to the set, but this is the first time she’s really seen her, aside from those instances.

 

“Hi. Son Seungwan,” she says, voice gliding past her ears. The dark-haired woman steps back with a small smile and a nod, pulling her padded jacket closer to herself. She didn’t mean to be caught staring.

 

Seungwan continues, “Sorry if I scared you. I know we haven’t formally met yet, but I have a scene with you in a couple hours and I thought I’d personally introduce myself.”

 

Joohyun’s eyes light up in recognition. She recalls reading the name on the cast lineup; not really sparing more than a few seconds on what she assumed was a man’s name – a printed name-tag on the empty seat opposite to her as they went through the script reading – but she did not at all expect Son Seungwan to be a woman.

 

(And, a very attractive one at that—)

 

“Ah, right. Hello,” She clears , before quickly bowing. “It’s, uh, nice to finally meet you in person. I’m Bae Joohyun.”

 

She offers a hand and the woman takes it firmly. Joohyun tries to ignore the way the heat of her skin lingers after.

 

“Yes, I know.” Seungwan chuckles lightly. Joohyun must’ve been giving her a stunned look, because she then adds, “Actually, that’s completely not true. I didn’t, at first. But I figured a pretty woman would have a pretty name, so I just connected the dots.”

 

“Oh.” Joohyun is open-mouthed, unsure if she’s misinterpreting the situation or thinking too far ahead because it sounds a lot like the brunette is flirting with her. “I mean, yeah… that makes sense.”

 

The dark-haired woman’s face turns slightly pink. She lowers her head a little, hoping Seungwan doesn’t notice so she can play it off and blame it on the ridiculously low temperatures in this studio. Before she can manage to respond back with compliments of her own – I didn’t expect you to be this pretty either getting lost somewhere between them – the director’s voice suddenly echoes.

 

“Positions, everybody! From the top.”

 

The two women give each other knowing looks, a little awkward as they exchange silent goodbyes. It isn’t until Joohyun is bowing once more to leave for makeup touch-ups that she feels fingers reach for her wrist.

 

“Wait, before you go—”

 

There’s a sudden surge of warmth settling on her palms. Joohyun looks down to see a heat pack being pushed into her hands. Seungwan is looking straight into her eyes, when she mutters out, “You kinda looked like you needed this more than me so… here.”

 

Joohyun bites her lip, slightly embarrassed that she had noticed. Her mind is closing in on the fact that the other woman’s hand is still over hers, but she manages to ask, “Are you sure?”

 

“Never been more certain.” Seungwan says, sending the dark-haired woman a rosy smile that makes her fingertips and toes tingle. “I look forward to working with you in the future, Bae Joohyun.”

 

The black-haired woman returns the smile, fingers pressing into the heat beads. She hears herself saying, in a similar flirtatious tone that rarely comes out of her, “So do I, Son Seungwan.”

 

•••

 

The days gradually get warmer.

 

It’s been a little over three months into filming, and black-haired woman realises this because her visits to the electric heater in the catering area become less frequent.

 

She’s currently monitoring a scene they just shot from a recording on her manager’s phone, when there’s scuffling beside her, too familiar to startle her. Then, a coat is being placed over her shoulders, hands gentle in their touch.

 

“Damn,” The brunette says, peering over at the screen. “You really come out amazing on camera.”

 

Joohyun has gotten used to her greasy comments, rolling her eyes with her usual nonchalance, but it doesn’t make her cheeks heat up any less. She lifts her head up, “Hey, you. Did you just finish up?”

 

Seungwan nods, hands still busily adjusting the coat on the older woman. “Yeah, just earlier. I’m a little hungry, though.” She takes the seat beside Joohyun and they continue to monitor the scene in silence, occasionally pointing out little mistakes they made.

 

A few minutes later, the brunette leans in and says, in a low whisper, “Wait, do you still have that fruit bowl in your trailer? Because I have been eyeing that orange for days.”

 

Joohyun laughs, a real hearty one that echoes in the studio. Nobody turns their heads because it’s such a regular occurrence and it’s been like that ever since they’ve met – she finds it so amusing that Seungwan takes in details like that.

 

“I think so.” She bites her lip, a little nervous. “Should we… go check?”

 

It’s silly of her, really, because the younger woman never says no. It takes her that charming smile to know.

 

The days gradually get warmer.

 

All the staff pretend like they don’t notice how close Son Seungwan and Bae Joohyun have gotten during these past few months.

 

•••

 

“Is that alright for you, ma’am?”

 

Seungwan doesn’t bother opening her eyes, she knows the driver is referring to the temperature of the car heater. She adjusts in her seat, voice gruff because she hasn’t had to speak in hours, “Yeah, that’s fine. Thank you.”

 

The blonde had barely slept on the flight – phone flooded with emails about her attending the 57th Baeksang Arts Awards Show and what outfit she was going to be wearing on the red carpet and reading them all kept her well awake for most of the duration – so she figures she’ll try to get some rest on the ride to the hotel.

 

It’s only successful for a minute, before something she never considered crashes down on her.

 

She’s going to be there too she’s going to be there too she’s going to be there too—

 

“Hey, sorry. Could you please play some music?” Seungwan asks, rushing to sit up so she’s properly heard. She winces a bit because it comes out desperate and the driver looks slightly surprised by her sudden request.

 

“Uh – sure, ma’am.”

 

The blonde sighs when she hears the radio play loudly in the background and she falls back on the seat, head leaning against the window. It drowns out her thoughts enough until she hears a familiar melody faintly begin to play.

 

“Welcome to Throwback Tuesday. Next up: Jeong Eunji’s Moisturising.”

 

Oh, for ’s sake—

 

•••

 

Joohyun freezes up during one of the last scenes, two consecutive times, so the director calls for a ten minute break.

 

It’s a crucial scene, too – they’re nearing the ending of the film and her character has to tell the main male protagonist that she loves him.

 

Seungwan follows after her right when the slate hits.

 

The two women are in Joohyun’s trailer, again, sharing a blanket on the couch made for one. The radio is switched on as they relish the silence; no longer awkward because it’s now routine, until the older woman frustratedly groans, leaning her head back as she stares up at the fire exit.

 

“I just can’t get it right. No matter how much I do it, I always stuff it up.”

 

There’s a sweet melody playing now in the distance – Seungwan recognises it because the song is going to be the soundtrack for their film and it’s been repeatedly playing in the studio for days on end.

 

♫My shy hands that are hiding behind / Will they hold yours when they can’t hold back?

 

There’s a comforting hum, as the brunette shuffles closer beside her. “You mean your lines?” Seungwan asks. Her hand is spread out on her lap, palm inviting, and Joohyun doesn’t even have to think twice when she’s interlacing their fingers and falling back against the woman’s shoulder.

 

“Yes. And not even once. Twice, Wan. In a row.” The dark-haired woman mumbles.

 

“Come on, Joohyun. We all have our off-days. Besides, I think— well, everyone thinks you’ve outdone yourself this whole week. It just so happens that today isn’t so great, and honestly, so what? I’m sure after a couple more reads, you’ll have it memorised. You always do.” The brunette is gently playing with her hair, nails scratching against her scalp, and Joohyun lets out a relaxed sigh despite Seungwan’s sincerity making her chest swell.

 

♫If our eyes meet, don’t look at me too closely / My heart that’s strange before I know it

 

“Yeah, I sure hope so. The director didn’t look too happy calling the break and I’d hate to disappoint.” Her voice falls quiet. “I don’t know, I normally don’t… It’s just – for some reason, I keep struggling with this scene in particular. Even with capturing the emotion.”

 

There’s a line forming on Seungwan’s lips. She hates hearing how defeated Joohyun is feeling for one mistake.

 

♫On a night like today, I want to give you everything

 

“Well, then, maybe you just need a partner.” Joohyun looks up to see the younger woman smiling at her. “I can revise your lines with you, Hyun.”

 

Joohyun immediately sits up. “You’d do that?”

 

“Of course,” Seungwan bashfully grins, picking up the script from the table. She flicks through it carefully – Joohyun biting her lip nervously as she watches her – before saying, “Try hitting me with your starting line. I think I have an idea of what our main guy says.”

 

“Okay.” Joohyun stands, nodding as she faces her properly. She straightens her spine, looking the younger woman in the eyes, trying to get into character. Seungwan is already setting the mood, which takes her by surprise, though she doesn’t show it. At the back of her mind, Joohyun can’t help but wonder how attentive the brunette is during her scenes.

 

♫We quietly face each other / Without knowing who did it first

 

She clears .

 

“So, it’s like that. You’re just going to leave?”

 

Seungwan has the script in her hands but she’s not looking at it. “Irene, they need me. I’m leaving tomorrow.”

 

Joohyun’s eyes are glowing back at her. She imagines it – trying to convey the pain, the grief of parting with someone she feels greatly for, visualising the scene until it’s alive in her mind. When she looks at the brunette, she imagines it again – as if it were just Joohyun and Seungwan, like they’re the only two people standing on Earth and they’re living life by this script.

 

“And, what if I need you? What if— What if I need you here, with me?”

 

Seungwan is showing a pained frown, and the older woman tries to hide how impressed she is. She’s so strikingly beautiful like this, doing what she does best with such passion, and Joohyun really can’t help but be in awe. The brunette is composed, her expressions controlled, and she’s playing this part of the script like it’s her own role, even though it isn’t. She doesn’t even know the lines by heart, nor does she need to, but it only took a couple minutes for her to recite them without a second glance, to say them like she means them – as though she really shares the same pain of the protagonist, as though the role was written for her – and it completely takes Joohyun's breath away.

 

The older woman’s head feels like it’s buzzing, heart up in . She doesn’t remember it being like this during the actual shooting but she’s looking at Seungwan, admiring the way her face alone speaks a million words when she’s acting, and she can’t help but think about how she should’ve been the main character.

 

Seungwan is stepping closer, continuing, “Irene, please don’t try to convince me. You and I both know it’s not that easy. And we just—”

 

(♫Because I fell for you—)

 

“I think I might be in love with you.”

 

“Wait, what?”

 

It’s nothing more than a whisper of syllables but Joohyun says the line way too soon into the scene, and it leaves them both flustered.

 

Seungwan glances back and forth at the script to make sure she didn’t miss the timing. The older woman can feel blood instantly rushing to her face, having enough conscience to pretend to check the clock.

 

“I… um,” Joohyun stammers, struggling to find the words to speak. “The break! It must be over by now. I have to go, I’m so sorry.”

 

The air between the two is suddenly tense, the soft guitar of Jeong Eunji’s song ringing in their ears. Seungwan watches her collect her things and Joohyun feels like her body is burning as she exits the trailer, not sparing the brunette another glance.

 

When the film slate claps again and the cameras are rolling, Joohyun nails the scene in a single go.

 

Word for word.

 

•••

 

Mornings are usually Seungwan’s thing. She particularly enjoys waking up early; always ready for the sunlight to start peeking out from the clouds, but for some reason, she can’t say the same for today.

 

It’s barely four, the sky still dim, and the blonde barely managed to squeeze in some sleep – her mind running wild everytime she had closed her eyes – but she gets through the last minute fittings and attends the scheduled rehearsal. She’s going to be emceeing a portion of tonight’s show, as actress Wendy Son, so she tries her best not to stumble over her pronunciation, all whilst keeping a smile on her face. The category she’ll be introducing is Best Actress – one of the most anticipated awards of the night.

 

As the mics are being checked, Seungwan scans through the speech cards in her hands and her eyes gaze down at her name in silver lettering under the nominee list. Her fingers brush against the surface of the card, absentmindedly. The feeling comes again; like a small flicker of heat, only this time less painful to swallow.

 

She had made it true.

 

The blonde tiredly feels her lip lift in a small smile, one she can’t really help and bother blaming on her sleep deprivation, because it comes too naturally.

 

Seungwan never once searched her up, never caught up with her projects once their relationship ended – she couldn’t bring it within herself to test her curiosity that far, afraid it’ll affect her and honestly how could it not – but she isn’t completely oblivious to the woman’s name circling around every now and then. Though the details of it being a casual movie night or scheduled dinner date is blurry, Seungwan even remembers talking about it with her once. About what they want to see out of their career, one thing that would make them realise that they’ve finally made it.

 

“What do you want at the end of this journey?”

 

It was a weighty question – one that took minutes of pondering to answer, but there were a lot of those that day, as they were comfortable in each other’s embraces and riding the mood of wherever their conversations took them.

 

A rather normal day for Seungwan and Joohyun.

 

“It might be ambitious of me, but I think being nominated for Best Actress would be the only way for me to understand I’m good at what I do. Until then, I still have to work hard.”

 

The younger woman recalls falling sullen upon knowing she hadn’t recognised her own talent and showering her with endless reassurance, but Bae Joohyun was loud and clear that day.

 

And, to no surprise, she had made it true.

 

The feeling comes as fast as it goes – just a small flicker of pride arising. It’s a little strange to her because the woman normally brings bitterness in and they’re exes, but Seungwan had never doubted that Joohyun would reach for the stars.

 

She always thought she was made for them.

 

•••

 

There’s a premiere for their film that’s held in a fancy hall, with alcohol and hors d'oeuvres.

 

The black-haired woman does the red carpet walk, the flashing cameras and teeth-baring smiles that make her cheeks hurt. It isn’t until she’s on her third interview that she’s reminded of it all again.

 

“Out of the whole cast, who do you think you’ve gotten closest to while working on this film?”

 

There’s only one person that immediately comes to mind, someone Joohyun hasn’t thought about in days, but she feigns wonder like she has to think about it anyway.

 

“I think I was extremely lucky to be surrounded by such hardworking people and I have definitely made some great friends. As for who I’ve gotten closest to, I’d have to say,” She stalls for only a second, because there’s really no point in lying, trying not to let her voice crack when she lets the name escape her, “Perhaps… Seungwan?”

 

The black-haired woman catches the reporter’s eyes glinting as he nods, and she suddenly feels nervous about her answer.

 

“That’s interesting. We actually interviewed Son Seungwan not too long ago and she also mentioned your name, for a different question.”

 

“She did?” The actress asks, almost breathlessly. She’s suddenly glad the camera isn’t angled in a way that captures her shakiness, hands clutching onto her dress tightly.

 

A nod. “Well, we first asked her whether she had a crush on set.” Joohyun’s lungs feel like they’re closing off, as her brow lifts. “She brushed off that question but said a few things about how it was a dream to work with you. You two seem to have really kicked it off!”

 

She finally allows herself to breathe.

 

There’s a smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes, when she says, “Yes… I suppose we have.”

 

The actress catches her manager gesturing from the side to start heading inside, and there’s a rush of relief she feels as she bows to the reporters to excuse herself. She poses elegantly for any last shots and waves as she’s escorted in, but the bitterness on her tongue that lingers is unexplainable. As she wanders around, now a little dazed as some people come up to greet her, Joohyun can’t help but feel extremely conscious of how Seungwan is also here too; somewhere in this crowded hall, breathing the same air again, and the two of them haven’t really spoken since that day.

 

Or, rather, Joohyun has been trying to steer clear from Seungwan each chance she gets.

 

Every time she sees the brunette approach from the corner of her eye, she’s already busying herself with another co-actor or clarifying something with the director or making her manager lie about how she isn’t in her trailer when she really is.

 

She tries to tell herself it’s not on purpose, but the panic she feels rise in her chest says otherwise.

 

And it doesn’t help that the last time they were fine with each other, Joohyun told her that she was—

 

“Care for a drink, ma’am?”

 

There’s a tray of expensive champagne held in front of her and Joohyun sighs, fingers instantly wrapping around the stem of a glass, because it’s exactly what she needs right now to calm her nerves.

 

The alcohol manages to convince the actress that she just needs to get through tonight.

 

•••

 

In her hotel room, Seungwan sips on her third cup of diluted coffee for the day. There’s someone surrounding her on every side – three styling her hair, two helping her into her heels and one zipping up her dress.

 

The firm knock on the door suggests another addition to the team.

 

“In here!” The blonde yells out. She’s unable to move from her position but she can see from the reflection of the mirror that it’s her makeup artist, Sooyoung.

 

The woman places down her bag, with a grin. “Geez, you look like you didn’t get a wink of sleep. Excited for the big day?”

 

“If you could even consider it excitement,” Seungwan sighs. The stylists eventually disperse, leaving her to get her makeup ready. The blonde looks up at the woman, as she analyses her face. “Is it that obvious though?”

 

Sooyoung just shrugs, rolling a seat in front of her for the woman to sit. “Well, yes – but it's nothing I can’t help out with. Sit down and look up for me please.” Seungwan does as she’s told with a small pout. The makeup artist leans in, starting to apply concealer under the blonde’s eyes with a small brush, lips curled up as she comments, “You’re nervous, aren’t you?”

 

Seungwan shrugs. “It’s the Baeksang Arts Awards and I’m expected to present Best Actress, Sooyoung. Who wouldn’t be nervous?”

 

“You know that’s not what I’m talking about.”

 

The blonde falls still, the words curling around her spine.

 

Sooyoung leans back. “It’s been three years, Wendy. I know you don’t like to talk about it but – don’t you think it’s time to stop running away from her?” The woman knows not to push any further than that.

 

Seungwan can only muster a hum for a response.

 

•••

 

The premiere after party is overflowing with talented people and a whole lot of press. The movie screening flies by quicker than she expects and Joohyun still hasn’t quite adjusted to it all.

 

Avoiding Son Seungwan like the plague is a lot harder than she thought it would be, too.

 

First, there’s the mandatory group picture taken amongst the cast. The black-haired woman thinks she sees her from the corner of her eye, so she makes sure she’s sandwiched between two other staff before she can comfortably smile for the shot.

 

Next, there’s the dinner. Joohyun arrives at the table earlier, sees her name tag right beside hers and rushes to arrange her seat to the very far end. She engages in small conversations with her co-stars as she eats and it distracts her enough to stop feeling the brunette’s eyes constantly glancing over at her.

 

She also learns that the woman sitting on her right side, who had kindly passed down the salt, is a singer-songwriter that worked on the soundtrack album for their film. Her name is Chorong and they’re the same age.

 

While they wait for dessert, Joohyun asks, curiously, “So, then how do you come up with the melodies?”

 

Chorong shrugs. “I don’t know – it’s really more of a random thing. Like the kind that comes to you when you’re cracking an egg for breakfast, or just casually strolling down a street. I build all my songs off of small sounds.” She leans in a little closer, head barely gesturing towards the singer chatting with her. “Then, my girlfriend helps add a touch of her own magic and sings them for me.”

 

Joohyun almost chokes on her water.

 

“Your girlfriend?” Her eyes dart back and forth between the two, and she’s gasping out, “Oh my god, are you dating Jeong—”

 

“Yes,” the woman chuckles, voice lowering as she blushes. “Sorry for cutting you off – it’s just that nobody really… knows right now and we’ve been trying to keep it on a downlow. You know how people can be about relationships in this industry.” The next sentence is a little quieter, “Especially one like ours.”

 

Joohyun immediately understands, face slightly turning sour as she nods. “Right. Well, your secret is more than safe with me.”

 

Chorong gives her a small smile, “I appreciate that. Thank you.” She’s digging her fork into a strawberry and narrowing her eyes at the black-haired woman now, “So, what’s up with you and Son Seungwan? I happened to witness your last minute seat switching.”

 

It’s Joohyun’s turn to blush. “We’re… good friends.”

 

“Just friends?”

 

Joohyun pauses to think about it. She doesn’t realise she’s been quiet for a whole minute, until she feels Chorong lightly nudging her arm, breaking her daze. Her voice is gentle and comforting, “Hey, don’t dwell on it… Whatever it is, I’m sure you’ll both figure it out.”

 

Joohyun’s eyes widen a little, because she hasn’t vocalised her thoughts yet and the singer keeps hitting too close to home. She then shakily sighs, “Is it obvious? I thought I was at least being discreet about it.”

 

Chorong pats her hand, chuckling, “You may be a great actress, but I’m afraid it takes one to know there’s a little more going on there.”

 

Joohyun has a shy smile on her face and the conversation mutually ends there, but it manages to keep her tense for a while.

 

Now, it’s late and that’s always when the cold kicks in.

 

It doesn’t help that the windows are all open, a shiver running right down Joohyun’s spine, and only a moment passes before her shoulder is tapped. It’s the co-actor sitting beside her, who is suddenly handing her a jacket.

 

“Oh, thank you.” The black-haired woman mumbles, carefully taking it.

 

“No problem. Seungwan asked us to pass this down to you.”

 

Joohyun’s head accidentally lifts and the two make eye contact for the first time that night. The younger woman is looking at her with an unreadable expression and it hits her all at once – she can feel her panic rising again, breathing starting to get a little erratic. It’s only a second before her chair is screeching against the floor when she excuses herself to the ladies bathroom.

 

She only remembers to breathe once her hands are gripping onto the cool porcelain of the sink, and that’s when she sees Seungwan walk in from the mirror.

 

She couldn’t exactly get a great view – from the way she’s been trying to make sure they’re always on opposites ends of the room – but the brunette is wearing a navy blouse, undone just enough to show some skin, matched with a black skirt that stops at her thighs, long hair falling past her shoulders in pretty curls, and it makes Joohyun stop completely.

 

Seungwan seems to be taking her in too, barely stepping forward before the older woman is diverting her gaze again, just like she’s done all night up until this moment, almost sprinting out the door—

 

“Are you avoiding me?”

 

The black-haired woman freezes when she hears her voice, hand on the knob.

 

“Joohyun, please,” Seungwan says. “Talk to me?”

 

Her hold tightens, knuckles turning white. She spent weeks trying to erase Seungwan out of her mind, trying to minimise everything that reminds her of the brunette but it finally caught up with her. The older woman turns to face her, an expression colouring her eyes that’s unfamiliar and cold.

 

“I’m sorry, but I don’t believe there’s anything for us to talk about.”

 

Joohyun’s fists are squeezed tight, because she can’t stand lying – especially not to her – and it escapes anyway, tone as blunt as she intends for it to be, cutting through the air like ice.

 

But she forgets Seungwan is warmth, always has been, so she sees past it.

 

“You don’t mean that, Joohyun.”

 

The black-haired woman’s facade melts. “Seungwan, please, I just hope we can move on from this—”

 

“You told me you thought you were in love with me, that day in the trailer.” The brunette cuts in. “Is this your way of taking it back?”

 

Joohyun freezes. She starts feeling tension all over her body, lips almost trembling, and no alcohol would be strong enough to drown out the anxiety she feels. “You… You heard.”

 

Seungwan slowly nods. “I did.”

 

Joohyun looks away, unable to meet her eyes. “Then, you know why I ran.”

 

“Do I?”

 

“Seungwan, don’t act dumb.” Her voice strains. “You know we can’t… We’re two women in an industry that demands more than just us, it won’t—”

 

“So what, Hyun?”

 

Joohyun whips around in disbelief. She can’t believe what she’s hearing. “Do you even hear yourself right now? Are you crazy?”

 

“No,” The brunette chuckles. “But, for you – maybe.”

 

“That’s… not funny,” The older woman scoffs, though there’s a blush reaching her neck as she pulls herself closer. “Don’t play with me, Son Seungwan. We’re no longer going by the script, so you don’t have to act like you’re into me anymore.”

 

The silence drags out across the bathroom but in Joohyun’s ears, the sound of water trickling is drowned out by her heart beating rapidly against her ribcage.

 

Then, Seungwan lets out a sigh. “You know, for someone who’s normally on top of her feet, you’re pretty dense.”

 

“What?”

 

Joohyun watches as she slowly steps closer, right in front of her. The wafts of her sweet perfume hits at her senses and the black-haired woman is beginning to realise how much she’s really missed her.

 

She missed Seungwan.

 

The brunette’s hand carefully takes Joohyun’s and holds her shaking fingers still, drawing slow circles on her skin.

 

“Bae Joohyun,” she breathes out. “If you really believe that I would regularly visit anyone’s trailer outside of shooting hours, play with their hair and massage their shoulders, then I don’t think you have any idea who you think you’re in love with.”

 

The black-haired woman doesn’t know what to say to that, but Seungwan is leaning in, taking her chin under her fingers, “Because if you looked a little closer – just a little bit more… you’d be able to see that somewhere along the hectic seven months we’ve known each other, I have been wildly falling for you.”

 

The older woman takes in a sharp inhale of air, feeling her stomach squirm by instinct; knees almost giving in as she processes the words. It almost doesn’t feel real. Seungwan doesn’t feel real to her, like a dream that’s too good to be true.

 

Her eyes fall to the brunette’s lips.

 

(When something doesn't feel like it exists in her reality, Joohyun has the tendency to test it out.)

 

Seungwan is opening to speak again, but it’s a second too short because Joohyun is already latching onto the younger woman’s top and pulling her into a kiss.

 

The brunette can’t hide her shock in time, but she’s quick to chase back Joohyun’s lips, so soft and full of want, and it’s then that the older woman feels like something breaks open inside her – arms hooking around her neck, pair of hands firm on each side of her waist, bodies pressing closely as a wave of heat rushes over them.

 

Kissing Son Seungwan is nothing like she’s ever felt before.

 

But if Joohyun could give it a word, warmth does come pretty close.

 

It quickly becomes a little more determined; everything spiraling out of control, rushed and curious movements, Joohyun’s fingers tangling in handfuls of hair and throaty sounds escaping Seungwan. The black-haired woman feels so lightheaded, mind filled with blaring thoughts of how she wants to hear it again and again.

 

But Joohyun can also feel a small pressure against her shoulder, and defeatedly, she lets herself be pushed back, both of them panting as they face each other’s cloudy eyes. The brunette is gently cupping her face, lightly laughing, thumbs brushing against the heat of Joohyun’s skin.

 

The lighting of the bathroom is awfully dim but it doesn’t take away the details of how pretty Seungwan looks right now – her lips pink and swollen, eyes slightly blown wide with her gaze completely stuck on her, and it all makes the older woman feel a little dizzy.

 

“Hey…” she whispers, leaning to peck the side of . It’s so gentle that Joohyun has to hold onto the woman to steady herself, so Seungwan does it again – soft lips starting to trail down, the older woman letting a gasp escape, and she stops right at her jaw. It tickles against her skin, “Are you sure about this?”

 

Joohyun leans back to look at her.

 

Then, slender fingers slowly find her collar, moving to curl around the brunette’s neck as she pulls Seungwan close again. She lets herself feel the hot breath against her nose, before her chin tilts and she’s breathing right onto the younger woman’s lips, “Son Seungwan, it scares me to say this, but I don’t think I’ve ever been more cert—”

 

Seungwan cuts her off with another kiss, rougher than the last time, wanting nothing more than to feel her say it against .

 

•••

 

“It’s Wendy Son!”

 

“Wendy Son! Over here, over here!”

 

“This way, Wendy – look here!”

 

As soon as she steps onto the red carpet, Seungwan straightens her back and readies herself to pose, hands respectfully placed in front of her. She’s wearing a white dress, shoulderless on one side while the other has a frill that falls down her arm, blonde hair tied back neatly. There’s a group of fans by the barricade she recognises, she sends them a wave with a warm smile, before her eyes focus back on the several camera lenses on her. She gives them a minute to take their shots, and then bows, to start on the interviews.

 

The press all ask similar questions along the lines of How do you feel about emceeing for the Baeksang Arts? or Do you plan to venture out in Korean films again? and Seungwan gives them genuine and humble answers to work with.

 

There’s one question that hits at her core, however.

 

“Wendy, the last time you were in Korea – that was three years ago. Is there any reason why you left to pursue your career in Canada instead?”

 

Seungwan opens , and closes it again. The reporter inches closer with her microphone, watching the blonde think about it – about what to say, about what to brush off and what to directly answer. Then, she remembers what Sooyoung said.

 

Don’t you think it’s time to stop running away from her?

 

She glances at the camera once and decides.

 

“I broke up with my girlfriend – that’s why. Tonight, I might actually see her again.”

 

•••

 

It isn’t long before Joohyun is booked for a new drama.

 

Her company thinks it just makes sense to ride off the momentum of her previous film’s grand success, despite her many requests for a break, so she reluctantly takes on the new role. The late night shoots make Joohyun a little moody at times, though.

 

It also may or may not be because she hasn’t seen Seungwan all week.

 

She can’t find it in her to admit it just yet but ever since they’ve started dating, the black-haired woman can physically feel herself getting more clingy around her girlfriend. She often finds herself laughing until her stomach hurts at the smallest of jokes, or whining whenever either has to leave dates early due to a schedule, or wanting to bask in the younger woman’s arms a minute longer, or deepening their kisses until she hears Seungwan making the sound that—

 

It’s just been driving her crazy.

 

They’re in her apartment today. Dinner is left half finished on the kitchen island, lights off with a movie playing in the background, bodies tangled on the couch as they tell each other about their week, and Joohyun is realising she hasn’t felt so relaxed, so at ease, before this.

 

Seungwan is complaining about the lack of portable fans in the middle of summer at the studio of her new sitcom show, when Joohyun kisses her mid-sentence.

 

The brunette is grinning against , “What was that for?”

 

A soft sigh escapes Joohyun. “I just missed you.”

 

Seungwan immediately pulls the woman closer, arms holding her firmly. “I missed you too, Hyun. So much. I even thought about you everyday.”

 

The older woman pouts. “You did?”

 

“Of course I did. I missed being next to you like this, having you in my arms like this, the room smelling of your extremely strong scented lavender shampoo…”

 

Joohyun giggles, lightly slapping her girlfriend’s arm when her nose nudges her cheek. The look on Seungwan’s face has changed, eyes suddenly a little darker, and before Joohyun knows it, the younger woman is straddling her. The brunette slowly starts to leave kisses all over her face, from her forehead to her nose to her jaw, scattering them across Joohyun’s heated skin. “I missed everything about you, Hyun. But I think…”

 

“What is it?” Joohyun whispers, chest heaving when she looks up at Seungwan.

 

Her girlfriend’s voice becomes husky and low. “I think I especially missed the way you try to control yourself around me and think I don’t notice. It’s so cute.”

 

The gasp doesn’t escape Joohyun in time, eyes fluttering closed as Seungwan captures her lips in a heated kiss. Her hands are quick to wrap around the back of the brunette’s neck, pulling in closer. It’s all moving a lot faster than their previous kisses – more deliberate and eager, and they both know distance played a role in this. Seungwan’s hips have teasingly started to grind on her lap and Joohyun accidentally moans, spine arching off the couch, the friction sending her into overdrive.

 

The younger woman’s lips are now spilling fire against her jawline, moving to the crook of her neck, and Joohyun is tilting her head back to give her more access. But she’s also wary of the clock that keeps ticking while Seungwan kisses the column of , wary of time always escaping the two of them whenever they're together, so she forces it out, breathlessly, “Seungwan, I want you to— Can you… stay the night?”

 

Seungwan’s mouth has stopped moving, hair a mess as her head lifts and the black-haired woman is biting her lip because she can see her eyes widening in the darkness. They both know what this means.

 

Then, the brunette is smiling, wide and playful. “If you’ll have me, I’d love to.”

 

It’s all she needs to hear before she pulls the woman back on her.

 

•••

 

Her manager’s phone has been endlessly ringing since she got off the red carpet and Seungwan already knows she’s going to get an earful from her agency back home.

 

Still, now, she feels almost relieved – like a weight has been lifted off her shoulders, like there’s nothing creeping at the back of anymore. Even the burn in her stomach hasn’t begun—

 

That all goes forgotten as soon as she hears the collective yelling and screaming from earlier get a little louder in volume.

 

“The beautiful Bae Joohyun! Over here!”

 

“This way, Bae Joohyun! You look stunning!”

 

“Ms. Bae, look here! Right at this camera!”

 

It’s a second where Seungwan almost turns her head, almost gives in to steal a glance – mind going wild imagining what she looks like, what has changed and what hasn’t, what details an airport advertisement doesn’t bother in relaying – until she feels her manager’s hand firm on her forearm, guiding her stiff body inside the venue.

 

•••

 

“Do you want to move in with me?”

 

Seungwan says it as soon as Joohyun enters her car, covered head to toe in her usual bulky disguise whenever they have an outdoor date.

 

“What?” The older woman takes off her sunglasses and scarf hurriedly, eyebrows furrowed as she meets her girlfriend’s gaze, trying to make sure she didn’t mishear that.

 

The brunette takes her hand and she repeats it, softer and slower, “Joohyun, do you want to move in with me?”

 

“I— Wan, living with you – that would be a dream and more, of course it would, but… are you sure? It’s a big step.”

 

Seungwan nods, leaning close. “I’ve been thinking about it and I don’t want to keep missing you anymore. I just… I want to wake up with you next to me, kiss you good morning, make you breakfast – all of that.” She squeezes her hand. “So if you’re willing, Joohyun, I’m asking you if you want to move in together.”

 

Joohyun feels the emotion well up in her eyes and she can’t stop nodding, arms pulling the woman in a hug. “To many more rooms smelling of my extremely strong scented lavender shampoo.”

 

Seungwan is laughing and it tickles against Joohyun’s neck. “Oh, I look forward to it.”

 

•••

 

Inside, the venue is a lot grander – different to what it looked like in the morning when Seungwan came for rehearsals. There’s flower vases on the tables for established guests now, water and small appetisers.

 

The blonde is assigned to a table with five other stars and she feels shy when all of them watch as she approaches.

 

“Seungwan?” A woman with vibrant red hair on her table is leaning forward, eyes squinting as she gets closer.

 

“Kang Seulgi?” The blonde breathes out, a surprised smile reaching her features. She quickens her pace, “Is that you?”

 

Seulgi is immediately standing and pulling her into a hug, “Oh my god, it’s really you. I wasn’t too sure if my eyes were deceiving me – you look so… different.”

 

“In a bad way?” Seungwan asks, chuckling. She takes a seat, shuffling her chair closer to the woman.

 

“No, in the best way possible. You look amazing, Seungwan.”

 

The blonde gives her a bashful grin, “I could say the same for you. How have you been?”

 

“I’ve been well. Just finished filming for a new sci-fi movie!” The excitement glows off her face. “What about you, Seungwan? I’ve been meaning to tell you I watched one of your newer features. I was so happy to see you on screen but God, I feel like I haven’t really seen you since you and Joohyun-unnie…” Seungwan’s eyes widen a little at the mention of her name and Seulgi seems to realise she’s slipped, hand flying up to . “Wait – I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”

 

The blonde is shaking her head, despite her hands starting to get clammy. “No, um, it’s okay – I suppose you’re right. I’ve just been in Canada, mostly.” She sends the woman a smile, brushing off her apologetic look. “I can’t tell you how relieved I am right now. It’s really nice to see you again, Seul.”

 

Seulgi reaches for her hand and gives it a firm squeeze. “And I’m glad to know you haven’t forgotten me, Wan. We’ve really missed you here.”

 

Seungwan tries not to zone in on the fact she implied there was more than one person.

 

•••

 

“Hey, Hyun? Any suggestions for dinner?” Seungwan shouts from the kitchen.

 

She doesn’t get a reply.

 

Eyebrow arching up, she closes the fridge and peeks a head into the living room.

 

“Baby?” This time, Joohyun jumps and her hand flies up to her chest, other tightly holding onto her phone, eyes shut out of surprise. Seungwan is quick to wrap an arm around her waist, soothing the side of her torso slowly. She presses lips against her forehead, “Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you.”

 

“It’s okay,” Joohyun sighs, feeling herself lean more into her girlfriend’s touch. “I didn’t hear you come in.”

 

“I can see that.” Seungwan laughs. “What’s on your mind?”

 

Then, Joohyun bites her lip. “Nothing.”

 

It’s clearly a lie.

 

“Joohyun…” Seungwan starts, and the older woman sighs again because she knows that she can tell.

 

“Okay – yeah, fine. Something’s just been… bothering me.”

 

Seungwan’s face softens. “Are you okay? Do you wanna talk about it?”

 

Joohyun nods, taking a seat on the couch. “Yeah, I’m okay. Just… I don’t know. I saw a news article just now. You know, the one with those two singers? And – well – I just can’t stop… thinking.”

 

Seungwan feels it, then.

 

A fear that latches onto and heart and it’s like there’s no more air. She saw the article too, that morning, and that’s when it had first hit her. Growing and growing, no matter how much she pushed the feeling down to the pit of her stomach.

 

(Singers Jeong Eunji and Park Chorong have reportedly split up due to busy schedules: “...Love and life had to be balanced, and we just couldn’t manage it.”)

 

“Hyun,” Seungwan says, almost quiet as she reaches for her hand. “Hyun, hey… we aren’t—”

 

“But, what if we are?” Joohyun is looking right at her, eyes glowing sadly. “Seungwan, what if that’s going to be us?”

 

It’s quiet for a moment.

 

“What are you trying to say?” The younger woman whispers.

 

An apologetic look crosses Joohyun’s features, before she looks away, mumbling, “I’m sorry. I don’t know what I’m—I didn’t mean to make it sound like—”

 

Seungwan pulls her into a tight hug before she can finish her sentence.

 

She hugs Joohyun, arms wrapping around firmly as her eyes close, taking in her scent and the way their bodies fit, trying to communicate without speaking, for her girlfriend to stop worrying, stop thinking about the possibilities. Because it frankly scares her, too – the future and what it holds for them – haunts her at night sometimes, and thinking about it, making it real in her head, only makes it worse.

 

“I’m sorry,” Joohyun repeats against her neck. She sounds so fragile that the younger woman almost feels like she’ll break. “It’s just… we only just moved in together two months ago and this is the first time, in weeks, that we’re both here without a schedule keeping us apart.”

 

The truth makes Seungwan’s heart wrench. Joohyun places a palm on her chest as if she can sense it.

 

“And I know it might not exactly be the same. And maybe, it’s a little crazy of me to compare – because we don’t know what truly happened and we aren’t them but… Wan, why does it almost feel the same?”

 

Seungwan doesn’t want to answer just yet. She only pulls the woman further into her embrace and Joohyun knows she’s stalling, because her own hands are rubbing up and down her back to comfort her.

 

Then, the younger woman pulls back, brushing a thumb across her girlfriend’s cheek to wipe the small tears falling. “I… I don’t know why, Hyun.”

 

Seungwan feels herself take a sharp exhale, “But let me say this, okay? What I do know is that… we’re both trying. Me and you… Baby, we’re both right here, right now because we’re always meeting each other halfway, and I think— I think you’re right, it’s not exactly the same. It’s not the same, because that’s where it is.” Seungwan lifts her chin up in a chaste kiss, nice and slow. She can feel Joohyun’s body relaxing, cold fingers on her cheek. When she leans back, their foreheads are touching and the younger woman mutters, “For us, that’s where it’s different.”

 

Joohyun is lightly crying again, but there’s a beautiful smile on her face that Seungwan is realising she’s been missing for weeks.

 

“I love you, Joohyun.” She her head softly. “Just know that much, alright? I think as long as you know that, we’ll be okay.”

 

The older girl is melting into her arms again as she whispers, “I love you too, Seungwan. So, so much.”

 

Her tears dry up on the younger woman’s shoulder and the two fall asleep on the couch, dinner completely forgotten for the day.

 

It’s one of their only free days out of several busy months, and yet, wasting the hours away in each other’s arms didn’t feel so bad.

 

•••

 

She’s wearing a sleeved lace dress, with two black bows on her shoulders.

 

Seungwan knows because she accidentally saw her taking a picture with someone that looks like her co-actor behind their table, and Seulgi’s eyes lighting up in recognition implied just as much.

 

Beautiful.

 

It was a mere glance but it’s all the blonde can think about.

 

•••

 

“Where the hell were you?”

 

Seungwan has barely walked into their apartment, detaching the keys from the door when she sees Joohyun’s shadow standing in front of her, arms crossed.

 

She switches on the lights, greeting, “Hey, Hyun.”

 

“Hey? Are you being serious right now?” Joohyun scoffs.

 

A frown forms on Seungwan’s face, confusion washing over her. “Why do you sound mad?”

 

Joohyun’s eyes slightly widen, and then her forehead is deeply creasing. “Seungwan, do you even know what day it is today?”

 

The brunette’s mouth confidently opens, only to close again. “No… no, wait – it can’t be.”

 

March 29th.

 

“You told me you’d reschedule.”

 

“I know,” Seungwan whispers. She steps closer, hand trying to reach for her. “I know I did. Baby, I am so, so sorry. I— I was thinking about it, I promise I was, but then things got too busy and I even—”

 

“No, Seungwan, you told me you’d reschedule. And I waited for you. For hours.”

 

The brunette grimaces because she can hear how strangled her girlfriend’s voice is. “Joohyun—”

 

The older woman doesn’t let her finish. “It’s not even the fact that it’s my birthday and you forgot. No, Seungwan, I’m mad because you told me you’d do one thing and then don’t show up to something you organised. What happened to meeting each other halfway? Or, did you just completely forget about that too?”

 

Seungwan takes another step forward. “Joohyun, come on. You know that’s not fair—”

 

She’s faced with the older woman’s back, as she says, “No, I don’t. God, I actually don’t know anything, Son Seungwan, because you haven’t been around and I haven’t been around and I… I don’t know how much longer we can keep fooling ourselves like this.”

 

It slices right through Seungwan.

 

She feels it all over her body – like a slap to the face, unexpected and painful. The woman in front of her has never felt so far away from her until this very moment, every inch of her facing everywhere but her. She doesn’t know when it happened, when things began to shift but they did – even though Seungwan swore they wouldn’t, even though she told Joohyun that much.

 

The younger woman stares at the floor and she can’t recognise her own voice, when she dejectedly says, “Maybe you were right, then.”

 

Joohyun turns around slowly. “What?”

 

“That time… We both knew it deep inside, didn’t we? That it would end up this way?” Her voice trembles, lowering just a little in a whisper, “And I’ve dragged you this far, only for it to end up in the way we both feared.”

 

“Seungwan, don’t,” The older woman warns, shaking her head. “Don’t you dare say something you’ll regret—”

 

“I’m so sorry, Joohyun. For everything.”

 

Before her tears can fall, she walks out the door and doesn’t dare to look back. She doesn’t look back because it hurts to face Joohyun – who’s patient and beautiful and everything she’s ever wanted and never deserved. Because she’d done everything in her power to ignore the signs, suppressed and suppressed them until it broke open and came down at her like floods, spilling all across her heart until it couldn’t be ignored anymore and now, it’s taken Joohyun’s heart along too.

 

(Because she told her that she’d always meet her halfway and she hasn’t even fulfilled that promise. She also doesn’t know when she ever can.)

 

Seungwan finally reaches her car, a shaky exhale escaping her as she leans her head against the wheel.

 

She can smell Joohyun everywhere – a light mix of lavender and vanilla coated in every corner. Her fingers tremble when she turns on the AC, the humming sound loud enough to air out the heaviness in her head.

 

For them, it isn’t that love and life couldn’t be balanced.

 

No – for them, it’s that the lines were too blurred.

 

A thin rope that barely held them both intact, pushing and pulling and stretching to its very limits, Seungwan is realising it all now. They’ve been acting, acting and acting, because they weren’t only Seungwan and Joohyun; they were also Son Seungwan and Bae Joohyun.

 

And to Son Seungwan and Bae Joohyun, it was second nature to pretend as though everything was okay – like they were okay and that nothing has changed, nothing has shifted – until it became a part of them and just stayed.

 

(Seungwan remembers the article again: “Work brought the two of us together, but it also kept us apart.”)

 

Love and life weren’t too different because they made them out to be the same.

 

•••

 

Crowds always made Seungwan nervous. She’s coming to realise this more when her ex-girlfriend is somewhere seated in them, probably watching her.

 

The blonde clears , lowering her chin to speak right in front of the mic.

 

“And, the Best Actress award goes to…”

 

She clumsily rips open the card in her hands and pulls on the tab. She doesn’t know why her heart feels like it’s going to drop. Then, she sees the cursive golden lettering of her name.

 

And, Son Seungwan isn’t Son Seungwan if she doesn’t ramble at least once.

 

“Before I tell you all who this amazing award goes to, I want to say a few things. I’ve had the privilege of working with this person, in the early years of my career, and to this day…” Seungwan trails off, her eyes searching around the audience until they finally lock with another pair of brown eyes, round and almost timid – a face she hasn’t stared straight at for so long, looking right back at her. It knocks the air right out of lungs, making her sound breathless, when she continues, “To this day, I don’t think I’ve ever encountered anyone so determined and hardworking as her.”

 

Seungwan can’t help the wide smile forming on her lips.

 

“Congratulations to Bae Joohyun, your Best Actress.”

 

•••

 

“Did you mean it?”

 

Seungwan stops.

 

She slowly turns around, dreading and anticipating, but she should’ve really expected it. Should’ve expected some kind of run-in with her because the world always conveniently gets smaller when they both exist.

 

“Ms. Bae,” Seungwan manages, thankful that her voice doesn’t come out as choked up as she imagined. “Congratulations on the win.“

 

The woman lets out a huff, looking down at her feet. “You don’t… Seung— sorry, Wendy, we don’t have to do that. You know, act like we’ve never met?”

 

Her tone isn’t accusing but the blonde’s throat closes up, because she hadn’t meant for that. It wasn’t supposed to come off like that but explaining in front of her ex-girlfriend seems too tedious of an action because it’s honestly been years.

 

Three, in which they've last seen each other.

 

Two, in which she’d packed her bags and fled, leaving everything back in Seoul and hoping it stayed there.

 

One, in which it caught up to her.

 

And now, it’s here again, burning all over her body and real.

 

“Right, I’m sorry.” she mumbles.

 

Joohyun merely nods in response. “So?”

 

“So?”

 

“Did you mean everything you said back there?”

 

Seungwan looks at her like she’s crazy. “Yeah, I— Of course, Joohyun,” It falls off her tongue naturally, she can’t help it. The dark-haired woman visibly falters at the sound of her name, so she repeats it once more, a little louder and clearer, “Of course I did. Every word.”

 

There’s a fair distance between them two but it doesn’t feel quite far enough. Seungwan can still feel her own body react when the other woman is near, how it heats up uncomfortably and tingles with a sense of familiarity.

 

Joohyun isn’t looking directly at her, when she says, “I see you cut your hair. And dyed it.”

 

“Yeah,” The younger woman mumbles, touching the ends of her hair.

 

Joohyun’s eyebrow lifts, looking slightly amused. “Almost looks like you’ve been through another break-up.”

 

Seungwan shrugs, hiding a grin as she plays along, “Just the one, I’m afraid.”

 

There’s a small huff of air that escapes Joohyun in a short laugh as she crosses her arms. “Blonde and single? Now, you’re definitely trying to give your ex-girlfriend a hard time.”

 

“I take it she’s not mad at me anymore?”

 

“No,” The angry frown on Joohyun’s face leaves her biting her tongue for speaking too soon. “She still thinks you’re an for leaving that day and running like a coward.”

 

The younger woman scratches the back of her neck, awkwardly, looking down at the floor.

 

“But… I could never hate you, Seungwan.”

 

When her head lifts, Joohyun is closing the distance between the two of them. “Look, over three years, I realised I was perhaps a little unfair to you. Our first film, that day in the trailers – do you remember what I did when I accidentally told you I was in love with you? I panicked and ran. And Seungwan, you still fought for me, knowing that.” She sighs and it comes out shaky. “So when you did, I was angry, of course I was, but before I could even chase you up about it, you were already—”

 

“On my flight to Canada.”

 

The older woman slowly nods.

 

Silence dawns on the both of them. Seungwan’s head is throbbing, her heart feeling like it’s going to jump out of her chest. It isn’t until Joohyun is reaching out for her hand, hesitantly interlocking their fingers, slow and careful, that the blonde’s quiet gasp breaks the tense air between them.

 

“Seungwan,” Joohyun whispers. “I’ve been waiting for a chance like this to tell you.” There’s a nervous exhale. “To tell you that my feelings still haven’t changed from three years ago. We were young and reckless and ambitious then, and we hurt each other thinking we were making the right choice. And I—I’ve decided that I’m sick of running. I’m sick of ignoring my feelings, I want to be a little shameless with my heart and listen to it – I don’t want to run away anymore. At least not from something, someone, I think is worth it, so… if you’ll have me, of course, Son Seungwan, I—”

 

“Can I kiss you?”

 

It comes out rushed and breathy.

 

Joohyun blinks. “What?”

 

Seungwan’s face has leaned in close and is hovering over the older woman’s, as she repeats, “Bae Joohyun, can I kiss you?”

 

She can feel Joohyun’s breath hitch, gaze switching between her eyes and mouth. “I mean, yes, but are you— Seungwan, are you sure?”

 

The blonde doesn’t waste anymore time – pulling the woman closer by the hip and taking her lips in a soft kiss. The burning feeling in her stomach is alive now, but it’s electrifying, it’s dizzying and Seungwan can’t get enough of it, and she knows it now.

 

She hasn’t stopped wanting her, loving her, all this time. All these years.

 

When the blonde pulls back, her fingers gently caressing Joohyun’s jaw, she’s smirking as she pants out, “Never been more certain.”

 

•••

 

There’s a song that plays in the limo. It’s a new one but it has a nostalgic melody – Joohyun swears she can hear the very, very faint sound of an egg cracking in the intro.

 

Then, she hears a familiar honey voice through her ears and the smile that breaks across her face is wide and proud.

 

An arm circles around her waist, patting her side. “Everything okay?”

 

“Everything is great,” Joohyun sighs, as leans back into Seungwan’s embrace. There’s something comforting about the blonde’s hand, drawing mindless circles on her back, that makes her say, “Hey, wanna know something?”

 

Seungwan hums in response, nudging the older woman’s cheek with her nose fondly.

 

“I replay that memory of you dumping me to get in the mood for crying scenes.”

 

“Oh my god, Hyun,” The blonde weakly laughs. “I’m… sorry?”

 

Joohyun shrugs, a playful smile on her lips, “I suppose that just means I should’ve probably included you in my acceptance speech, huh?”

 

“Oh, most definitely. I think I deserve the leg of that trophy, at the very least.”

 

Joohyun’s eyes narrow, poking the woman’s ribs with a finger. “Don’t push your luck, Son Seungwan. You’re already spending your time with the Best Actress.”

 

“Of course,” Seungwan grins, pulling the woman closer. “That’s why I’m feeling like the biggest winner to come out of tonight’s show.”