You were one of those people in this big city that knew how it was at night.

It was a city that never slept; no definite time for those who wake and those who slumber. Living in a city like this had its perks. Bright lights illuminated the streets with yellow, bridges that stretched far and wide, and highways that were home to zooming cars and lonely people with speeding tickets. Everywhere you looked, it was industrial-like every modern city. Every corner, there would be bus stops and train stations, another way to get to any destination.

You stepped out of the office and glanced at your watch. It was the only thing old on you, a contrast to your shiny red heels and your luxury bag. The strap was a faded blue and did not go with the rest of your outfit.

It was late but you did not want to go back home.

Being married to Kim Doyoung and knowing what he did behind your back was hard enough on a daily basis and today, you weren’t in the right mind to deal with a façade you had to keep up. You half expected to get a text message from him but there was none. It disappointed you how you seemed to accept it fairly easily.

Has it come to that? A simple thought that popped up in your mind, reminding you that maybe he was sleeping with some else because of the way you were? The old you would have put up a fight and demanded answers but the you now was indifferent. There was a simmer of anger and betrayal within you but what bothered you most was the self-pity.

Your marriage with him was arranged. It did not take you much to allow yourself to be tugged back and forth like a puppet on a string by your conglomerate parents that tried to keep you under their reign. You were not much of a fighter when it came to the people you so desperately needed acceptance from.

You hated it because even if they loved you, they thought what was best for you was the only way you should live your life. You learned to love him. Throughout the journey of your marriage, you learned to love Doyoung’s morning kisses and sweet words but somewhere along the way it stopped.

It stopped because marriage was no longer something that your parents focused on but your career and you had no choice. No choice but to discard every thought that you would be able to spend each waking moment with your husband. Instead, you were plunged into a whirlpool of management meetings and papers to sign.

Doyoung was okay with it at first. Until he began to change and as much as you blamed him for his lack of loyalty, you blamed yourself for your inability to keep him with you. So you smiled through it, turned a blind eye, and hoped that whoever he was bedding while you were gone could give him the tiniest bit of happiness that you couldn’t.

You had no control of your own life. It was shaped by society, what people thought of you and who stood behind you and you knew—you knew, that without your parents you were nothing but a woman who had nothing to her name.

You had a new found love for train stations so you ended up at one, the cold breeze numbing your lips. There weren’t many people around and you enjoyed the solace so you stayed. The tracks were rusted and you wondered how many people these trains station has brought to where they wanted to be.

You don’t remember how many times you’ve ended up there but the more stressed out you were, the more frequent it had become.

Sitting and waiting for the train to come but never getting on because you knew that you couldn’t.

As you stared into space, a voice spoke. The lack of people made you jump, a hand reaching up to press against your chest when you turned to see a young man. He wore a black coat and had orange hair peeking out from under his train conductor’s hat. Your first thought was… What a bright color.

What did his parents think?

“One day, you’ll find it in yourself to get on,” he said simply, a smirk on his lips. His eyes had disappeared when he smiled and you noticed he had a walking stick. His shoes had steel heels, the silver metal gleaming and it made you wonder why you didn’t hear him approach you. Surely shoes of that kind would make a sound. “I know a lost soul when I see one.”

A lost soul. For someone so young, he did not speak like one.

“Maybe one day,” you agreed, passing him a small smile. He kept silent and you noticed that in his other hand, he had gloves on. Was he off to a costume party? He was too young to be a train conductor. You didn’t ask him that, the male leaning down to place a card right beside you.

“If ever you want to go where you need to be,” he said to you. “I hope to see you soon.”

You looked down at the card to see that there was writing on it, a hand bringing it up to squint at the words.

“The Train of Life,” you murmured, tilting your head to the side. Must be a teenager playing make-believe. “Cute. And you are—”

You looked to where he once stood but he was gone. Once again, you wondered how he had left without making a sound. You frowned, your eyes skating over the empty train station when you brought your gaze back down onto the card.

The Train of Life.

There was no number on it though it looked like a business card. It had a small logo that spelled out “Dream on” at the bottom of the border. You flipped the card over, chewing on your lip to see a line hand-written in cursive. Business cards were not meant to be hand-written but you raveled at how beautiful the penmanship was.

Be gentle with yourself.

Only then, will you be able to set yourself free.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

You had forgotten about the card. It was easy to, with the demands of your daily life. It has been a while since you’ve ended up at the train station and even if your mind would stray to the orange-haired train conductor that night, it wouldn’t stray for long. Your marriage was not worked on, no effort to be improved and your career was just as suffocating as usual.

“You’ve been rather quiet these days,” Jaehyun, your co-worker and childhood friend said and you hummed. “Maybe you need another one of those train station days.”

Jaehyun was the only person who knew of your little momentary escapes. The mention of the train station brought your mind back to that a particular day and you brought out your wallet, Jaehyun leaning forward eagerly.

“Why? Are you paying for the coffee?” he asked and you whacked him on the head with your wallet. He made a face. You pulled out the card, passing it along to Jaehyun, the male staring at it before he flickered his eyes onto your face. “What is this? Some card with a Tumblr quote on it?”

“A man gave it to me on one of my train station days,” you told him and he flipped it over to inspect it. “How old are train conductors, usually? I always imagine them to be quite old.”

“No idea,” Jaehyun shrugged before saying something as if he was reading it off the card. “Love makes the shy brave and the brave, shy.”

A look crossed his face, Jaehyun looking deep in thought before he cleared his throat, shaking his head softly like he was trying to dispel a few thoughts.

“What?” you asked and he looked up, surprised at your question before pushing the card towards you. You flipped it over but you saw the same quote: Be gentle with yourself. Only then, will you be able to set yourself free.

You were about to ask Jaehyun what he had said but the waitress had come to collect money for the meal and Jaehyun beat you to it, the male giving you a playful wink.

“Thanks,” you said, tugging on your coat and pocketing the card. “So what do you think?”

“About the card?” he asked, shrugging. “I think it’s a bunch of kids making a YouTube video, giving out happy quotes to lonely people in train stations and you were a victim. Wouldn’t be surprised if I were to see your face on a prank channel.”

He waved a hand in front of him. “What will people do if they are given a touching quote in a card? Cue the crying weeps.”

“I did not cry, though,” you pointed out and he scrunched his nose up at you.

“Well then. I guess you won’t make the cut. They always go for those who have big reactions,” he said to you, shrugging. “That being said, how are you and Doyoung?”

You inhale, shrugging.

“You keep forgetting that we’re in the same social circle. People think you are crazy for not knowing what is going on when it’s right in front of you,” Jaehyun said to me, a comforting hand on my back. “How long are you going to act like nothing is happening?”

You sigh, not wanting to have a full-blown conversation about your cheating husband.

“He doesn’t deserve you,” Jaehyun said from beside you. He had a hand up, trying to hail a cab to take you both back to the office. “You know that.”

“Maybe you should have opposed my wedding then, Jae,” you said to him and he blushed pink. His ears turned red and you absentmindedly reached up to tweak them between your fingers.

“As the card said, I’m not as brave when it comes to you,” Jaehyun replied and you frowned, wondering what he was talking about.

“What do you mean? The card says to be gentle with myself—”

“It’s here. Get in. We have a meeting by one p.m,” Jaehyun said, a hand on your head so you wouldn’t get hurt, Jaehyun climbing in after you. “PCS Tower, please.”

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The next time you found yourself at the train station was in broad daylight, people bustling towards the open entrances and long lines of people waiting for their turn. You had a bad day, that was why you were at the train station on a Sunday. You had seen text messages between Doyoung and the woman while he was in the shower.

It was one thing knowing it was happening and it was another reading the messages with your own two eyes. She said she ‘loved him, too’. Too. That word made all the difference because it meant that he said it first.

He had never said it to you. He would find ways to make you feel special without saying it and deep down, you knew he didn’t. Simply because he didn’t love you.

You sat at the train station, fiddling with the old watch you always kept on your wrist when a familiar voice greeted you. You looked up, the same man with his orange hair and train conductor’s hat. He stuck out like a sore thumb but not one person gave him a glance.

“Hi,” he said with the same smile.

“Hi,” you answer, your voice cracking when he sighed.

“Man, you’re a hard one,” he said softly. “A hard one to break.”

“Sorry?” You had no idea what he was talking about, the male tilting his head at you.

“Do you want to get on?” he asked and you blinked. “The Train of Life. I can’t force people on unless they want to. It’s a rule. Believe me, I’ve tried.”

“Tried?” Your mind was reeling, the male undoing a button and flashing me a name tag.

“I’m Conductor Zhong Chenle,” he told me. “The Conductor of The Train of Life.” He paused and made a face. “That was a mouthful. Let me try again.”

You watched him. He straightened his back and stared straight at you before bending down into a low bow.

“My name is Zhong Chenle and I am the train conductor of The Train of Life,” he repeated and you wondered what the difference was from what he first said. “Uh-uh, it is different, my dear. Now, do you want to get on?”

“On where?” You were more confused than you ever were before. Did he just read your mind or did you say your thoughts out loud? The more he talked, the more bewildered you were. He pressed his lips together, blinking rapidly. He looked like he was trying to mask his frustration.

“The one thing they did not teach me back in my intern days were how to deal with possible tough passengers,” he murmured. He said your name and your jaw dropped open. “One day you will find the courage to get on and don’t you think that day is today?”

“How did you know my name?”

“The hardest part is starting, Miss,” he said. This time his smile was kind and he opened his hand, stretching it out in front of you. “It’s a journey to die for. Ooh, wait. I shouldn’t say that. I mean, it’s a great journey except it feels like you’re going through time and space.”

He talked a lot, the image of a mysterious train conductor disappearing from your mind when he kept his hand where it was.

“Take my hand,” he finally concluded and something in you clicked, your hand stretching out and grabbing his. The joy in eyes were evident and he let out a whoop, beaming at you. “Finally. That will definitely go on my record. Come, lady. Let’s bring you to where you need to be.”

“And where is that?” you asked but he didn’t answer because he was pulling you through the station. His hand felt light—like it was there but also like it wasn’t. You wondered what you were doing and you were about to snatch your hand away but he tightened it, Chenle turning to smile at you.

“It’s always hard at first but I assure you all will be well,” he said loudly over the arriving sound of the train. You were at the front of the train station, the air blowing the strands of your hair everywhere when Chenle let go of your hand.

Chenle snapped his steel heels against each other, the clack echoing through out the empty train station.

Wait. Empty?

Where were all the people? You whipped your head around and realized you weren’t at the same train station when Chenle called for you to get on.

Your legs brought you onto the train and when you entered, you noticed that everything looked different. It was an old train and there were no windows. The seats were dusty and you tightened your coat around your body when Chenle tapped his walking stick to the side and the train began moving.

“Welcome aboard, my lady,” he said to you with a flair in the way he spoke. “To The Train of Life.”

You decided to take a seat, opting for the seat on the left. You were brought back to memories of how you liked corners and shadows, where it would hide you from the prying eyes of the people who spoke to you like you weren’t in the room.

You decided that maybe this was a dream and that maybe you were sleep deprived. The thought did not linger for long when you looked out the uncovered space to see a mountain. You noticed that it had appeared from no where and you could make out a stream traveling down the large natural elevation. A flock of birds flew across the sky and you could have sworn that you have never seen such a thing in the city.

Was it because you never had time to look up at the sky? You had no idea where you were, but you were fascinated. You gripped the edges, going closer before lifting a hand to feel the breeze that was picking up just like the speed of the train.

“I wouldn’t lean forward too much if I were you,” a voice said. You didn’t know what to make of it. It was deep yet there was a childlike aura to it and you turned back to see a tall lanky boy. He wore long sleeves and it looked like he had just woken up. “Good morning.”

When you found your voice, you greeted him back mildly and he cracked a sleepy smile. You noticed that his sleeves and pants were actually mismatched pajamas, the male sitting down across from you.

“My name is Park Jisung,” he introduced himself. “And I am Innocence.”

You fall into a seat in front of him. His eyebrows were unkept and despite his height, his mannerisms were of a child.

“I am the youngest of the crew,” he told me, his eyes going to the world outside for a moment. “And I am your once upon a time.”

Your once upon a time? Despite your puzzlement, you felt yourself relax, leaning back against the seat. When he did not speak, you noticed that he was staring out of the window with his legs bouncing up and down to the rhythm of the train.

“Do you like farms, Miss?” he asked suddenly and you nodded. You loved farms. The way of life was so simple. No deadlines, no hassles of the outside world. Could you live in one, though? Not really. “I can’t either. I’m scared of cows.”

You were taken aback by his words, Jisung breaking into a smile.

“Are you scared of cows, Miss?”

Used to. Not anymore, you thought in your head and he nodded.

“That’s good,” he voiced. “Then you can play with them now.”

“Can you hear my thoughts?” you finally ask even if you did know the answer, Jisung’s eyes turning into a crescent moons. “What is this place?”

“It’s not a place, Miss. It’s a journey,” he whispered. “I am the embodiment of what you were once. The fears you once had, the places you once dreamt of heading towards.”

“And since you are my innocence, do you know all that?” you ask, Jisung nodding as a response to my question.

“You were void of thought, Miss. Void of pain, that was what you once were. All children are that way, do you not agree? How many days have you spent worrying of what tomorrow might bring?” Jisung asked, pointing out of the window. “Look, a lake!”

It was a lake and even with the distance, you could make a picturesque view. Butterflies fluttering amongst the tall grass bordering the body of water.

“You used to like lakes,” he said suddenly and you nod in agreeance. “What happened?”

“Doyoung does not like lakes,” you replied before pausing.

“But you do,” he reasoned and you nodded. I do, you thought. “Wouldn’t it be nice to dip your feet in the water and try to save snails from drowning?”

You laugh at his words. “That took a turn.”

He had a gummy smile, stretched up so wide that you thought his cheeks would rip and you couldn’t help but lean forward to pinch him on the soft flesh of his face.

“Why are you so adorable?” you question, Jisung leaning forward to press his against yours. “Where were you all my life?”

You needed this, a reminder of the simple wonders of the world.

“I never left, Miss,” he replied before he tapped on the old watch that was on your wrist. “I never left even if you pushed me away. I was always around.”

You watched as his smile faded, his fingers intertwining with yours.

“And each time I fought to reason out like a child, you blocked me away with voices of logic and reason.” He sighed, his lips turning down. He continued to talk and he seemed more like an adult than you ever were. “There is difficulty in preventing the world to change you simply because it’s impossible. But it is not impossible to keep your innocence in your pocket to visit it when you need it.”

There was a spark in his eyes, Jisung touching the watch ever so gently like if he was scared of breaking it.

“When we are children; we are nameless and blameless. More often than not we point fingers at other people rather than ourselves. We are ignorant and overruled by emotion rather than logic.”

The scenery began to change and the mountains had disappeared behind you. It was now barren land and Jisung perked up, the saturation of your surroundings becoming a more yellow glow.

“It is my time to leave, Miss,” he chirped. “Protect the person you once were. It is the only way to stay true to yourself.”

With a bow, Park Jisung bid his goodbye and exited the train, leaving you pondering his last words.

The soft yellow glow was from the field of sunflowers that were turned towards the sun that was high and bright in the sky. You could have sworn it was morning just a moment ago, the soft rays now blaring with heat. The field extended as far as your eyes could see and you could make out a small cottage.