The cool evening breeze rolls by softly, making the leaves of the nearby trees and bushes flutter gently under the moonlight. Taking a glance at the watch strapped to your wrist, the corners of your lips curl up in a small smile as you continue to walk leisurely.

 

You still have at least fifteen minutes before you have to meet with your old friend, so you’re taking your sweet time to drink in the sight of everything around you. It’s been years since you’ve last been to this old park, and you’ve missed the place so.

 

At the edge of the park where it makes way to the dense forest, there’s a beautiful clearing that gets filled with flowers of the most vibrant colors during spring and early summer. It’s hidden behind a thicket of trees so it’s not a place that can be seen if you don’t look close enough.

 

You just happened to be lucky to stumble across the place one particular night that you were troubled. It has been your safe haven ever since. And there’s only one other person you’ve brought here throughout the years. The thought makes you smile.

 

“Eight o’clock on the dot. Right on time. Wow, that’s pretty impressive, Chu.”

 

One corner of your lips curl up into an amused smirk as you pass through the thickets, stepping foot onto the clearing that you’ve missed so much.

 

The girl sitting on a blanket under your favorite tree is the one you’ve missed the most, though. Ten years, and she still manages to make your heart flutter like crazy as if it’s the first time.

 

But you’re never going to tell her that.

 

“We haven’t seen each other in two years, and the first thing you do is insult me, princess. Oh, how you hurt me so,” you tell her jokingly, to which she responds with a good-natured eyeroll.

 

“Shut up, you doofus. C’mere and sit. I brought your favorite snacks,” she playfully snarls at you, but the soft look in her eyes is telling enough of how she truly feels about seeing you again. Your smirk mellows out into a soft smile.

Without saying another word, you make your way towards the blanket and take a seat beside her. She then reaches for the bag that’s sitting by the edge, reaching into it and pulling out two plastic food containers.

 

One container is filled with cut up fruits while the other is chock full of gummy candies. She also pulls out a bag of squid chips and Super Ring. It makes you smile a bit wider, for years may have passed, but she still knows you like the back of her hand.

 

With a grateful smile on your lips, you take the food she’s offering and start eating quietly. You really did miss her a lot.

 

“You’ve been gone for a while. What have you been up to?”

 

Her question ends the silence between the two of you, and you could only sigh as you let your body fall to the ground, your back hitting the blanket with a soft thud.

 

You don’t answer immediately, instead pinning your gaze on the starry skies as you gather your thoughts to give her a proper answer. She’s gonna kick your if you answer sarcastically now.

 

“I was soul-searching, I guess,” you answer quietly after a while.

 

There’s some shuffling beside you, and you know without looking that she’s most probably trying to lie on her side to get a better look at you.

 

Sighing, you turn your head sideways, only to see her on her side, her head propped up by her arm as she looks at you with something tender and gentle in her eyes.

 

It makes your heart clench.

 

“Well? Have you found what you’ve been looking for?” she asks after a brief moment of silence where you got lost in each other’s eyes. You could only sigh again.

 

“Probably? I’m not sure, actually,” you answer, the sadness you can’t hold back seeping into your voice.

 

She doesn’t say anything more, but she reaches a hand out to gently trace a finger over your face. You close your eyes, savoring the feel of her skin against yours. It’s been so long, but you finally feel like you’ve come home.

 

Silence begins to creep back in, enveloping the two of you as you let her trace every surface of your face with her fingertip. When she’s done, you open your eyes once more, but turn towards the skies to avoid her gaze.

 

You can’t bear to see the sadness in her eyes as she looks at you.

 

It’s been two years, but it seems like the two of you are still in the midst of healing. The heavy feeling of guilt and regret begins sprouting in your heart again, rearing their ugly heads once more. It seems like a confrontation is inevitable at this point.

 

You both need to confront your issues, so that the two of you can finally move on with your lives fully. Without the weight of the past pulling you back dragging you down all the damn time.

 

It seems like she’s thought of the same thing, because you hear her sigh as she shuffles on her spot. A few beats later, she’s lying on her back beside you, your shoulders touching. Your stupid heart flutters as your cheeks flush.

 

“Hey, Chu?”

 

“Hmmm?”

 

“Do you ever regret it?”

 

“Regret what?”

 

“Giving up. On us. Not fighting hard enough. Do you think about what could’ve been had we been stronger?”

 

A heavy sigh falls from your lips as you close your eyes again, moreso to prevent the oncoming tears from falling. Swallowing around the lump that suddenly lodged your throat, your hand snakes by your side to take a hold of hers.

 

The feel of her soft, warm skin against yours is enough to bring the slightest comfort to your still-bleeding heart.

 

“There was never an us, Jen.”

 

“Right, sorry.”

 

She lets out a sigh from beside you, before the both of you are enveloped by silence once more. You hate what you just did, what you just told her, but it’s the truth that the two of you have to face.

 

Because no matter how much the two of you loved – love – each other, you never really got together. Because the two of you weren’t strong enough to fight for that love. And that’s probably going to be your biggest regret in life. Not being brave or strong enough to fight for her.

 

“But to answer your question, yes, I do regret not fighting harder, not being braver. And there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about what we could’ve been had we not given up.”

 

Silence again. Then some more shuffling, and the next thing you know, Jennie’s lying half on top of you and sobbing into the crook of your neck.

 

You feel your heart breaking with her every sob, and as useless as it may seem, you could only hold her tighter as you whisper words of comfort and apology into her ears.

 

It takes a while before she calms down enough to stop sobbing, and when she does, you slowly sit up, gently sitting her up with you such that she’s settled on your lap with her legs on either side of your hips.

 

Carefully, you wrap your arms around her as you place a soft kiss against her forehead.

 

When you pull back, you see her looking at you with red-rimmed eyes and flushed cheeks. You can’t help the fond smile that curls at your lips as you reach up to wipe the remaining tears on her lashes with your fingers. She’s so beautiful.

 

You give Jennie some time to collect herself after her crying spell, leaning back on your hands after giving her your handkerchief. With the fond smile still on your lips, you watch her as she gently tidies herself up.

 

Once she’s done, you lean forward a bit and gently poke at her cheek with your finger. She wrinkles her nose but otherwise doesn’t swat your hand away. Instead, she reaches a hand up to grab yours, making you cup her cheek as she places her hand over yours.

 

“Why the tears?” you ask, and the corners of her lips turn down into a frown.

 

Sighing, she averts her gaze towards your shirt, reaching forward to bashfully play with the hem of it. You could only sigh.

 

“Aren’t you happy?” you ask again. This time, you use your hand to gently lift her head so you could meet her gaze.

 

“You’ve made all your dreams come true, right? So, why are you sad?” You’re smiling at her gently, yet you feel your heart slowly breaking inside your chest.

 

Instead of answering, she pushes her body forward so that her forehead is leaning against yours. You close your eyes at the same time that she closes hers, and you use the momentary silence to calm the rapid beating of your heart.

 

It’s been way too long since you’ve been this close to her. You fight the urge to close the remaining distance between the two of you to capture her lips in a kiss.

 

“I really, honestly, whole-heartedly loved you, y’know,” she says in a breathy whisper, and it’s enough to shatter the remaining pieces of your broken heart. You know, of course you do.

 

“I know,” you whisper back, your voice almost cracking with the multitude of emotions currently raging inside of you. “I loved you too, so much. And I still do.”

 

“Jisoo . . .”

 

“Yeah, yeah. But if I truly want to move on and let go, then I need to be honest with you. I tried, you know, to fall for someone else. But nobody came close to making me feel the way you did, so I kinda gave up trying.”

 

Wrapping your arms around her waist, you move your head such that your forehead is resting against her shoulder. She hugs you back, wrapping her arms around the back of your head, and you feel some of the weight on your chest getting alleviated as she gently hums to the tune of your favorite song.

 

Letting out a sigh, you pull back from the hug and continue to spill the contents of your heart that you’ve been bottling up for years.

 

“I’m sorry, too. For being such a coward. We were kids, and we live in a society that isn’t as accepting as we want it to be. You had so many dreams and aspirations back then, and I felt like I would only be holding you back from achieving them. So I never tried to do anything despite being aware of our feelings for each other.”

 

Gritting your teeth, you take a deep breath to stop the burning sensation in your chest. This is hard.

 

“I was willing to let go of all of my dreams for you back then, Chu. They didn’t matter as much as my desire to be with you. But I had seen and felt your hesitation, so like you, I didn’t do anything. I still kinda regret that up to this day.”

 

Pulling back, you see the bitter smile plastered on her lips as she stared at you with a nostalgic look in her eyes. You can only smile back wryly as you take a hold of her hands in yours.

 

“Can you answer me this one question?” she asks after a moment’s silence. At the slight nod of your head, she heaves another sigh.

 

“Why did you leave two years ago? We’ve known of each other’s feelings way before then so why–”

 

She pauses, and by the look you’re seeing in her eyes, you think she’s come to a realization. One which you’ve been trying to keep from her for so long.

 

“Yes. I know, how pathetic. But I couldn’t bear seeing you with him. Yet at the same time, I didn’t want to lose you in my life, so I had to go somewhere far away from you to try and move on. Because I wanted to learn how to be with you without breaking inside.”

 

She’s stunned for a moment, speechlessly staring at you as she tries to process your words. And then she’s slowly shaking her head.

 

“All those missed opportunities . . . I . . .”

 

“Hey. What’s gone is gone. It’s all in the past now, princess. We’re leading different lives now, so all we can do is let go and move on, yeah? What’s important is you’re happy with where you are now in life.”

 

You try to smile reassuringly at her, but there’s still that frown marring her beautiful features. And you don’t understand.

 

She’s working her dream job, has a healthy and stable relationship, and she can do whatever she wants. Yet, why does she still look like she just got her heart broken?

 

“What about you?” she then asks.

 

“Hmmm? Me?”

 

“Yeah. Are you happy?”

 

Her question catches you off guard and makes you pause. For the past couple of years, you’ve never stopped long enough to think about whether you’re happy or not, because you’ve always prioritized hers. With a slight smile and a shake of the head, you answer.

 

“I honestly don’t know. But if being happy is having this warm feeling in my chest whenever I see you be content and happy with yourself, then yes, I guess I am happy.”

 

Jennie’s head is bowed slightly, and her hair falls over her face like a curtain so you can’t exactly see what expression she has right now. It also doesn’t help that she’s currently motionless and doesn’t say a single word after your word vomit.

 

“Idiot,” is all that she mumbles, before she pulls you towards her and encases you in another tight hug. And then she’s whispering “I’m sorry” after “I’m sorry” into your ears as she cries anew. This makes you smile sadly.

 

“I’m alright, princess. I’ll live.”

 

After catching up with what happened in each other’s lives in the past two years, thirty or so minutes pass in comfortable silence. The two of you just laid on the blanket, pointing out the constellations you can see in the sky.

 

It made you momentarily get lost in memories of your youth. At a time when all you had to worry about were after-school practices, academics, and where to take Jennie for your weekly escapades. The thought makes you smile.

 

Thirty more minutes pass in this manner, until she has to go. Sighing, you sit up on the blanket as you watch her cellect her things. And as you think about how this might be the last time you’re going to be seeing her in a while, a sudden realization hits you.

 

“Hey, Jen?”

 

She pauses what she’s doing to turn around and look at you, the smile on her lips enough to make your heart skip another beat.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Maybe this is all we’ll ever be. Maybe this is all we’re meant to be,” you tell her sadly, as you cross your legs and play with the cotton fabric beneath you.

 

Jennie lets go of her bag and crawls over to where you are, taking a hold of your fidgety hands to still them.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Maybe . . . Maybe being two people who really love each other but aren’t meant to be together is all that we could be. Maybe it’s our destiny.”

 

“That’s some ing stupidly heartbreaking destiny, then.”

 

You can’t help but laugh at her remark, and she ends up laughing along with you. Once the sounds of your laughter taper off, you’re both left staring at each other with sad but fond eyes, and a little more acceptance in your heart.

 

“I don’t particularly mind,” you tell her, prompting her to tilt her head in confusion as you chuckle at her cuteness.

 

“I don’t mind because I got to meet someone as beautiful and amazing as you. Thank you for loving me whole-heartedly, and thank you for letting me love you in return.”

 

The dark blush that blooms across her cheeks is answer enough for you.

 

As you’re driving after dropping Jennie off at her place, you couldn’t help the small smile that tugs at the corners of your lips.

 

Maybe you’re right about your assumptions. Maybe you’re wrong. There’s no way to find out for certain except to wait and see what will happen in the future.

 

For now, you’re content with how things are.