“Please Ms. Yang, you’re giving me a bad headache.” As I give the cutest pleading look I could muster, I have discovered this to be an effective tactic to stop the endless barrage of strange questions that has become a daily routine.

“Okay we will stop here for today.” Ms. Yang gives me a stern look as if she’s about to call my bluff, but suddenly her expression softens and she closes her laptop and briskly adjusts her dress as she stood up  “We’ll pick this up again tomorrow when you’re feeling better. Well then, get some good rest.” She looks back once again with an unreadable expression before finally exiting the room.

Phew. A sigh of relief. Who are these people, and why are they so keen on the processes of my recovery? They ask all the questions but gives away no answers. It feels like everyone around me seems to be keeping things from me and it makes me feel uneasy. Am I just being paranoid because I’ve lost my memories? They say that I’m supposed to be slowly regaining my memories by now but I still don’t remember anything so I’m not even sure what they are hoping to find out. I’m beginning to wonder if my memories will ever come back, or if I’m just going to have to trust in the words of all these people who seems as strangers to me. Thinking about all of this really is giving me a headache so I look out the window trying to recall the only things familiar to me, the delightful stories she told me when she’d used to visit. I loved her stories. They were both comforting and exciting like listening to a drama being told as an audio book, I always looked forward to hearing what adventures they would go on next. Their names and faces are all hazy to me now but some details of their adventures are still vivid. Like that one story she told where she was too afraid to go on a thrill walk in the mountains of some European country with beautiful sceneries. There was a ton of screaming and laughing but she was finally able to get through it because her unnie held her the entire way. And all she asked for in return was a thank you kiss. Hehe I do wonder if her unnie got her kiss, she deserved it.

As I giggled like an idiot to myself, the door clicked open pulling me out of my day dream. Standing in the doorway is a woman in her 50s with a clear air of authority around her. She walks over with a look of expectation on her face. While I tried my best to give what I thought was a bright smile, I caught a glimpse of disappointment in her eyes which was quickly replaced by a practiced smile. While I’ve grown accustomed to these meetings, they never ceases to feel awkward to me. I’m not entirely sure how I’m supposed to react to being told I’m someone’s daughter, yet she’s completely unfamiliar to me. But I suppose I can understand why that would be disappointing to her. And somehow I feel a sense of guilt for not giving her the welcome she expects.

“How are you today Mrs.Kim?” I ask politely.

“I’ve brought over your school yearbooks today. The doctors said it might help.” Always straight to the point. “And here are some of your things from back home.” As she drop off a stack of books and a bag on the counter. “I’m afraid I cannot stay as I have a meeting I must attend to by 3. Is there anything else you wish for me to bring?”

“No, the hospital staff here treats me very well.”

“As they should. Well if you need anything don’t hesitate to call on Mr.Kang, I believe you have his number correct?”

“Yes.” I almost said Ma’am but caught myself just in time.

“Good.” And with that she’s already out the door.

I pick up the stack of year books on the counter and start flipping through them. Trying to find any picture with the girl from my memories. Or were they dreams? I was so focused on looking at all the photos in the yearbook that I didn’t even noticed the young nurse almost bouncing into the room.

“Did ya miss me? I’m here to take your temperature and change your medications agaaain Seo-ah Ssssi”

“…”

“Hello? Earth to Ms. Kim?”

Oh, right that’s me. I give an apologetic smile as I look up from the book. “Sorry, I was too focused on these.”

She gives a little pout as she busies herself readying the medications. I’m surprised she didn’t ask to see the photos, I was almost certain she would be curious as a cat.