To the world, maybe it felt like a booming thunder: loud, unexpected, scary. To Seungwan, it sounded merely like a dull thud: quiet and painful, much like the feeling you get when your toe hits a piece of furniture. Seungwan isn’t really sure but probably for Sooyoung, Seulgi, and Yerim, this sounded a lot like a splash of cold water to the face, except it is winter and you’re already shivering outside the door.

 

IRENE LEAVES RED VELVET, CHOOSES TO PURSUE A SOLO ACTING CAREER

 

There were more articles written with bolder words. Some headlines were shorter, some came with personal interpretations—but this simple headline is what struck Seungwan the most. It is straightforward, clear, and it doesn’t leave any room for assumptions—something she couldn’t say about Joohyun’s decision to leave.

It’s been two days since the world found out; three since the four of them did.

It’s been a total of three days since this storm tore through the entire city, leaving an immeasurable amount of devastation behind. Now all Seungwan could really do is try to process.

Red Velvet is now four.

Kang Seulgi, leader.

“Is it really necessary to push through with this schedule?” Sooyoung asks with an unmistakable sharp edge to her tone. She’s angry and she’s not afraid to make everyone feel her wrath.

“I’m sorry, Sooyoung-ssi,” Manager Seongmin responds from his place by the passenger seat, giving them all a look through the rearview mirror. “We can’t cancel the concert. The show—“

“—must go on, I get it,” Sooyoung finishes for him, punctuates it with a sigh.

Seungwan feels sorry for their new manager. It’s only his fourth month into the job. He was the manager of one of the boy groups but he got assigned to Red Velvet months ago when this tour was confirmed to be happening. With their old manager’s experience in handling a rising girl group, he got transferred to the younger girl group. So the burden of Irene’s decisions also affected the new manager, now having to navigate the brave new world with Red Velvet as four. It doesn't seem much in the grander scale of things but here, it's an earth-shattering sound, cracking the very ground they walk on.

Well, it’s been three days. Who knows?

Seungwan hopes nobody expects them to be back to normal in that span of time. If Girls’ Generation pulled through when Jessica left, certainly Red Velvet can, too.

The singer merely keeps her gaze to the window, taking in the mood of the dark sky that’s been surrounding the city lately. It’s been raining non-stop literally and figuratively, the weather deciding to be perfectly in sync with the storm they’re caught in. Her own song mocks her to death—when this rain stops.

She starts to wonder if she should’ve used if and not when.

“Unnie, do you have any candy?” Yerim asks, leaning toward her in the seat they share at the very back of the van. Seungwan only nods as she reaches out for a pack of gum inside her bag then hands it to the younger girl. She doesn’t miss the bags under her eyes, doesn’t miss the sadness that now clouds the girl’s once quirky energy.

Yerim hasn’t really said anything since Irene decided to drop the bomb on them. When Irene called them all for a meeting at the living room that night, they all thought it was going to be one of those 5-minute talks they’ve all learned to love. And it was, but it was 5 minutes worth of goodbye and nothing else. Surely, none of them actually liked it. None of them had anything to say about it either.

That’s what crushes Wendy the most. It wasn’t that she left. It’s how she left.

They all knew she was going to walk eventually. An acting career is definitely the more desirable path for her, especially now that the questionable standards of this industry tell her that women her age shouldn’t be dancing around to bubblegum pop. They’re supportive, happy for her even. But they all know they deserved better than a short meeting on a night they all didn’t expect to get left behind.

Seungwan can only guess that tragedy doesn’t really give you a heads up.

It just happens.

So, it did.

.

As they walk toward the waiting area for Business Class passengers, Seungwan hears Seulgi’s voice for the first time since the hour-long car ride.

“I don’t think we’ll fly anytime soon,” she tells them, her eyes focused on the rain outside. It’s pouring heavily, an easy indication that their flight will get cancelled.

“Should’ve just cancelled the concert,” Sooyoung lets out a snide remark, shaking her head. She didn’t really want to face the fans and cry with them on stage. Happy tears, nostalgic tears are fine. But the tears you cry when one member decides you aren’t worth ? That’s not fine.

Sooyoung is going to be the last person in the world who will say it’s fine.

Manager Seongmin walks to them with an apologetic look on his face. Part of Seungwan knows it’s unfair for him to be on the receiving end of Sooyoung’s lashing out. He didn’t sign up for this. But every job comes with its own twists and turns. Seungwan hopes he gets the courage to hang in there.

“Get settled for a bit, let’s wait for the announcement.”

They all nod at him, acknowledging what they all already know. They’re stuck in this airport for what could be hours and Seungwan’s mind instantly lands on her iPad. Is it charged? What series is she going to watch with Seulgi?

They all head toward the most secluded section of the Business Class lounge, quietly taking their seats, pulling up their small carry-ons next to them.

Sooyoung plops down with a huff on the seat closest to the window. She keeps her gaze outside, her arms crossed at her chest.

Yerim then sits next to her, equally as quiet but less outraged. Yerim’s sadness is palpable but so is her uncertainty. She became part of the group as a young, teenage girl. She spent much of her childhood being guided by her four unnies and from there, she was able to build an idea of a second home. Now, that home is hit by a storm so loud, you could barely hear your own voice. There is no rulebook in the industry that tells you how to move on from an event as devastating as that.

Then, there’s Seulgi.

Newly sworn into the role, once carefree and now carrying the weight left by Irene’s departure. She’s sad, too. Hurt, even. But her feelings now come in second. Her priority is to make sure that this house doesn’t fall apart. The thing is—everyone thinks this house is made of stone but in reality, this house is a fort; a fragile blanket held up by wobbly sticks. Seungwan doesn’t have to wonder what’s gonna happen if someone happens to trip on it.

“I’m gonna get us something to drink,” she tells the group. They all nod absent-mindedly, their attention not really in this moment or maybe they’re too in this moment. In another world, Irene would be accompanying her to the bar, reciting everyone’s preferred drink with the precision of someone who knows it like the back of her hand.

Seulgi gives her a small smile, apologetic.

If they were going to be traditional about the roles, Seulgi should be the one getting drinks. But Seungwan guessed roles went out the window the moment Joohyun left the way she did—the rules said she’s supposed to stay with the group but look at where they are now? Stuck at an airport without her, hearts feeling heavy.

Seungwan walks toward the bar. She doesn’t know where she gets the strength to put one foot in front of the other but that’s the only choice she has. She has to keep walking and trying, sitting still isn’t really her thing. She needs to have something to do or else her mind will wander to Irene—no, to Joohyun—and that’s not really something she wants to dwell on. Not now when the said girl isn’t here to answer her questions.

Not now when Joohyun is—

Wait.

Red Velvet’s main vocalist stops dead in her tracks as she sees the woman in her thoughts. She’s by the bar, her small frame leaning toward the counter. It’s the first time she’s seeing her since three days ago, the image of her walking out still fresh in her memory.

Seungwan thinks at that moment how truly brutal our memory is. It can take you back to certain days, make you listen to an old song, and still hit you with the very same feelings you had no matter how much time has passed.

Well, it hasn’t been long. It’s been three days.

Seungwan hasn’t even felt the full blow of her departure just yet. So she approaches her. You only die once, right?

The girl walks toward the bar, completely clueless about what she’s going to say. She could’ve just walked back to the group and sat there quietly. She could’ve just waited until the older woman left the bar. But she’s Seungwan and she wouldn’t be Seungwan if she didn’t have this strange pull toward Joohyun.

Besides, YOLO.

“I didn’t think I’d see you here,” she says as she approaches the bar. She’s careful, didn’t want to startle the other woman.

Joohyun turns to her abruptly, her eyes wide—first, in shock; second, in delight. After all, it’s Seungwan—the girl she once claimed to have a special place in her heart.

(It was Valentines’ Day last year when Joohyun blurted it out drunkenly.

Son Seungwan, I adore you. And you will have a special place in my—

She really doesn’t get to say the word heart but she points the almost empty bottle of soju right where her heart is supposed to be.

And really, that’s as close as the girl can get when it comes to expressing her feelings.)

I didn’t think I’d see you here—is the first thing Seungwan says to her after three days of complete radio silence. It’s the first thing she can come up with, an easy truth. Perhaps the easiest truth out of all the truths bursting out of her chest.

“Seungwan,” Joohyun breathes, saying Seungwan’s name like it means something to her. Like it means everything to her.

Distracted by the loud beating of her heart, Seungwan shifts her attention to the overhead drinks menu. “What should I get the girls?” she asks. She hopes it didn’t sound as bitter as it tasted.

Joohyun manages a small smile, “Yerim likes the blueberry drink here. If in doubt, get her something sweet and sour. Seulgi likes the chocolate drink here so the hot chocolate with marshmallows and less sugar would be good for this weather. Sooyoung is the toughest one to predict but she likes the grapefruit smoothie here but tell them not to add sugar.”

“That’s disgusting,” Wendy cringes. Sooyoung’s taste in food is so unpredictable. “What will you get for me?”

Joohyun smiles, like it’s the easiest question in the world, “Well, that’s easy. You always make a drink at home so I usually just get you sparkling water or a plain lemonade when you don’t bring a drink. I always get you the fruitiest drink on the menu. At this bar, I get you the grapefruit and strawberry smoothie.”

“That’s surprisingly accurate.”

“Surprisingly?” Joohyun chuckles. “I’ve watched you try every drink on the menu until you’ve found your drink. It’s hardly surprising.”

Seungwan laughs, the first time in three days. It’s funny how some things don’t change. “Then, I’d get you a simple green tea with a little bit of honey and coconut syrup.”

The older woman quirks an eyebrow, impressed, “That sounds lovely.”

“Still not convinced with your obsession with coconut syrup but you wouldn’t be you if your choices aren’t a little odd.”

Joohyun merely smiles, keeping her eyes trained on Seungwan. The younger girl distracts herself by ordering all the drinks, keeping her nerves at bay by reciting the drinks one by one.

The barista, truly a godsend, responds after all orders have been noted, “I’ll ask someone to bring you your drinks. Where do you sit?”

At this point, Seungwan mentally panics. The answer is easy. Her drink will be served with the drinks of her entire team but something about it stops her. She wants to sit with Joohyun the way they always do when their flights get delayed. Seungwan doesn't know what to do. So she just stands there, mouth hanging open like she has no idea what she's gonna do next.

Thankfully, Joohyun is quick to decide on this one. She replies on Seungwan's behalf, “Will you please serve the blueberry, the hot chocolate, and the grapefruit smoothie over to the last booth by the far end of the room?”

The barista nods as if taking a mental note. For any other customer, he'd ask where the table is specifically. But something in the way he responds to them makes it obvious that he knows them. He knows who the drinks are for. He probably also knows why his two customers didn't walk to the bar together.

Joohyun continues, “These two drinks—“ she looks around as if trying to find a spot. A couple of seconds later, she finds a seat, “Over there, by the small couch.”

The barista nods as he resumes his tasks by the counter.

“Sit with me?” the older woman asks as she turns to Seungwan, a warm smile plastered on her face.

Seungwan is reminded at that moment just how much she loves the way Joohyun smiles at her. She will never admit it out loud to anyone ever but she thinks, Joohyun’s smile for her is different. It’s warm and laced with tenderness—like there are words she couldn’t say but her smile hints at it.

But Seungwan is also a bit poetic—tragically, in every inconvenient way possible—so she decides (like many times before) that this is just a figment of her imagination.

“I think you decided that already?” she responds to Joohyun’s proposition. It’s not a no and it’s also not a yes—pretty much the story of her and Joohyun. Always just somewhere in the middle with lots of maybe.

Again, tragically poetic.

“Shoot Seulgi a text and tell her you’re just walking around. Or else she will come looking for you,” Joohyun tells her as she leads the way to the couch.

“Do you think you’ll be able to hide from them? This lounge is small.”

“It’s big enough for us.”

.

They sit by the pair of small couches and a small coffee table next to the windows.

As Joohyun said, the lounge is big enough. If the girls didn’t look for her, she could easily hide from them. From where they’re sitting, she could barely see the three other girls, and part of Seungwan is relieved. Nobody wants to see how Sooyoung reacts when she sees their leader—former leader.

“How have you been?” she hears Joohyun ask.

Seungwan takes a deep breath and releases it slowly as she trains her eyes on the gloomy scene outside. Planes are parked powerlessly by the side of the strip—once big and colossal now stuck in the middle of the city, unable to fly.

Pretty much like Red Velvet. Pretty much like Joohyun and Seungwan.

“I’m okay,” is what she responds with. She knows the other girl wouldn’t buy it, heck, Seungwan doesn’t even buy it.

“Are you, really?”

Seungwan smirks bitterly, “What answer were you expecting?”

Joohyun is momentarily rendered speechless. She purses her lips instead, eyes locked on Seungwan. It’s like she’s trying to figure her out. This puzzles her to no end.

What is there to figure out?

Joohyun left.

So Seungwan is—

Sad.

Angry.

Frustrated.

Confused.

Incomplete.

It’s the last one that really hits hard because—well, Seungwan doesn’t know. It’s just really different when the other girl is out of reach. It’s funny isn’t it, how we could spend our whole lives attaching ourselves to people even though we know there are a million ways they could walk out.

The older girl doesn’t answer her question. Instead, she chooses a different battle altogether.

“Do you remember what you said to me just a few seconds before our debut stage?”

Joohyun sounds like she’s reminiscing. Seungwan can’t help but stare.

She’s not sure what the answer is. She wouldn’t say she remembers every detail of their debut stage but she remembers how she felt. She was excited. She was scared. She was nervous. There were a lot of feelings at that time but she was also very certain that it’s where she wants to be.

Red Velvet is her place in this world.

There were many things that could go wrong but that one is, and will always be, true.

“I’m not sure I remember.”

The older woman smiles, “You asked me if I was nervous and when I said yes, you told me: I’m happy to be sharing the stage with you. That’s the only reason I am less scared of this whole thing.”

Seungwan smiles, mentally patting herself in the back for coming up with such a great sentiment. It was a line but it was also true.

Joohyun is the best leader any girl group would be extremely lucky to have. She’s detail-oriented, talented, outspoken, undeniably beautiful—but best of all, she’s brave. She would look at her fears dead in the eyes even when her hands are shaking. Joohyun, with her small frame and big courage, took the four of them under her care and protection. It’s hard to imagine the last few years without her strength.

This is why the bitter taste in is back, just the image of Red Velvet without Irene at the center brings violent feelings to Seungwan’s gut. But this isn’t the time for feelings.

“That was true,” Seungwan confirms, managing a small smile.

Joohyun sighs, “I didn’t realize right away that I, too, was less scared of this whole thing because of you.”

There’s only silence between them. Seungwan doesn’t really know how to respond to that. Mild chatter within the lounge fills up the dead air for a bit. In that span of time, Seungwan allows herself to be here. She observes the way Joohyun’s eyes are sparkling as she gazes outside, looking up at the sky.

She’s always liked looking up at the skies. She would get into these random moods in a day where she’s just content to look up. It doesn’t matter if it’s a bright day or if it’s cloudy—Joohyun would always find something to admire about the vast body of nothingness above them.

Seungwan would always join her when she gets into that mood—and those are the only times the singer would allow herself to slow down.

This industry has always told them to run, to go to certain directions quickly and with every single ounce of strength they’ve got. Yet, Joohyun has always found ways to rest, short moments in a day where all she does is look up and sit quietly by herself.

Seungwan admires it—the ability to sit still. She’s always up on her feet, running around and catering herself to everyone that might need her light. But it’s moments with Joohyun that she gets the chance to just keep her light for herself. Those small moments are one of the reasons she hasn’t given up on this dream yet.

“You really like the sky, don’t you?” she remarks and instantly sees the girl’s lips curl up to a smile.

Seungwan’s heart races a bit. Nothing’s changed.

Joohyun’s smile still manages to sweep her off her feet after all these years.

“I like it. It’s really fascinating.”

“How so?”

“Every time I look up, I am always reminded that no matter what happens, the sky wouldn’t fall.”

“That—“

“—doesn’t make sense?” Joohyun chuckles.

“No—it’s,” she pauses as she turns to Joohyun. She sees the calm smile on the girl’s face. “—beautiful.”

Joohyun tears her gaze away from the sky and looks at Seungwan. Their eyes meet and at that moment, Seungwan smiles. Despite the immense sadness and uncertainty she’s feeling about their leader’s departure, she could tell Joohyun is at peace with her decision. It’s the best thing she could wish for her, really. She’s hurt, sure; but that doesn’t mean she can’t be happy for Joohyun.

“Where are you headed for?” Seungwan asks, testing the waters.

She realizes that this is the first time in a long time that she has no idea where Joohyun is going.

“In life?”

Seungwan chuckles, “I meant your flight, Hyun.”

“Oh,” she snickers, “I’m meeting with some producers in Japan.”

“That’s good to hear.”

Silence once again envelopes them. It’s really getting hard to fill up these spaces without asking the questions she’s dying to ask. Thankfully, Joohyun still has some filler questions left in her.

“What’s the company’s plan with putting out the fire?”

The fire. (See: Irene Leaves Red Velvet)

Seungwan shrugs, “A collab stage.”

“With?”

“Blackpink.”

Joohyun’s eyes are wide in delight, “Wow.”

Red Velvet’s main vocalist can’t help but smile, “I know—Seulgi and I are trying to figure out how to keep Sooyoung away from Chaeyoung.”

“Just tell Jennie to frown a bit. Sooyoung is scared of her.”

Seungwan rolls her eyes good-naturedly, “Jennie? Jennie is as scary as a baby panda trying to doze off.”

“Well, I guess to certain people, she isn’t as scary.”

“Not to me,” she shakes her head.

She misses the way Joohyun falters a bit. Jennie and Wendy. That’s a story for another day.

“What stage are you preparing?”

“We were told to give it a thought but our girls want to do an SNSD stage. There’s a meeting this weekend. But Seulgi’s the only one attending.”

“Oh.”

Seungwan could tell she wants to ask. So, she saves her the hassle.

“Seulgi, she’s—“ a breath, “—she’s coping. She doesn’t know how to walk in your shoes.”

“Well, my feet are small.”

The younger girl actually laughs, “Did you just crack a joke?”

“Only if it’s funny.”

“Timing’s really off but I’d give you points for trying.”

“I’ll take it.”

Seungwan nods, “She will eventually ease into the role. Besides, it’s not like we’re not gonna help her. The company’s official announcement was just a lot of pressure. But I already gave them an earful.”

“You confronted them?”

“They can’t just release an official statement without consulting us. They used to run everything by you and then you to us—so we were a bit blindsided by their move. I don’t think the company knows what to do either.”

“As expected.”

Smirking, Seungwan asks, “Is Namoo treating you well?”

Joohyun nods, “Better than I’d expected—it’s been three days, though. Who knows?”

Seungwan relaxes on her seat. She wonders what she’s gonna say next.

It’s weird because she and Joohyun never ran out of things to talk about. They could talk all night and never run out of things to say but now, it's awkward. It’s like everything changed in an instant and the girl in front of her is no longer the girl she knows.

“What kind of roles do you want?”

Joohyun’s attention snaps to her, interested, “Huh?”

The singer smiles, “I asked what kind of roles you want to have. Now that you’re taking on acting roles.”

“That’s a really good question.”

Seungwan only quirks an eyebrow, waiting for an answer.

“A strong, powerful CEO who gets ahead of the competition.”

“Wise choice, I can already see you in it. I’d sing the OST of your first drama.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“I’ll give them a discount.”

Joohyun laughs heartily, the sound it makes effectively filling up the empty spaces in Seungwan’s heart. It’s wild, how one person could be everything we need and more. Maybe, in another universe, they’d be in a better place at this point in time.

Maybe, in another universe, she could skip ahead to the good parts.

.

They spend the next few minutes talking about.. nothing serious, really. They talk about the good memories: the wins, the losses, the terrible styling. But eventually, things take a turn.

As they always do.

“The night of our first win ever, we wanted to celebrate—just the two of us,” Seungwan narrates, her first sentence effectively capturing Joohyun’s attention. “After celebrating with the members, you and I put on our best disguise and walked around the neighborhood aimlessly.

The older girl manages a smile, reminiscing of the time when it was all so simple. Back then, everyone already thought they were a failure. Everyone already started writing them off. The company had to debut a girl group to cover up for a bigger storm headed toward their top girl group at the moment. So really, it wasn’t like anybody expected them to succeed. Red Velvet wasn’t meant to be this big. Even the members knew that.

So when they got a win, it was satisfying because it somehow proved everyone wrong. More importantly, it gave them the confidence to continue.

“It was two days before your birthday so we wanted to head over to Namsan Tower just to sit there and take in the probably non-existent view.”

Joohyun nods, “The smog was so thick that night. Odd for that time of the year.”

“Yeah, we ended up not going because it was quite late. So we decided to head over to that small convenient store owned by the old lady who was among the first people who asked us for our autographs.”

“I don’t know where this is going, Seungwan.”

“We were seated outside in the cold weather and you were cursing under your breath which I thought was cute. Then the ahjumma gave us tea to drink. We were so happy with our first win so we were being so cheesy. We promised something to each other. Do you remember what you promised me?”

“No?”

Seungwan gasps dramatically.

“We were being cheesy,” Irene laughs.

“Here I thought—“

“What did I promise you?”

Red Velvet’s main vocalist smiles warmly, “That if we found each other’s eyes across the stage on any performance or any room, you will smile.”

“That’s cheesy.”

“So all this time, you’ve been just doing it out of habit and not because you promised?”

“I smile when I see you because you have that effect on everyone.”

“On everyone?”

“Especially on me.”

It’s Seungwan’s turn to be at a loss for words. There’s no right way to respond to that. Joohyun takes this as a sign to ask a question, “What promise did you make?”

“I don’t remember, either.”

“You’re a terrible liar.”

Seungwan laughs, “I promised to hold your hand when you need it and—“

“—never be the first one to let go.”

“You remember,” Seungwan remarks.

“Of course,” Joohyun confirms. “That’s the reason I always reach out to you. I know you’ll always meet me halfway. I know you’ll always be there. The same way I know the sky will never fall.”

(To be really honest, it is possible for the sky to fall for many, many scientific reasons. But Seungwan’s perpetual flaw is this: she is tragically poetic. So she lets this one slide; poetic license and all that.)

It’s in that moment does Seungwan start to wonder. What are they doing? Why are they here together? Why isn’t Seungwan with the rest of the girls? Why is Joohyun still sitting across from her and not running away as fast as she can?

Is getting stuck at this airport the universe’s way of telling them their story is not over?

The thought hits Seungwan in all the wrong places. She’s tragically poetic—that’s her biggest flaw.

“What are we doing, Joohyun?”

“What?”

“Right now—and maybe the last few years, what are we doing?”

Joohyun looks at her and it hurts because Seungwan knows, she too, doesn’t have the answer. She has always avoided the question. She’s always refused to define what they are to each other. They both know it’s not quite a friendship. It’s also not quite love. It’s somewhere in between, waiting to be tapped, waiting for the right moment to be acknowledged.

For Seungwan, what it is, is this: she can’t breathe without Joohyun. Not in a physical way. But—you know how when one person is around, everything is simply brighter, easier, and lighter? That’s what Joohyun is to her, a constant reminder of the good things in life. When she’s not around, a lump forms in Seungwan’s throat. It’s as if her body is so accustomed to Joohyun that it reminds Seungwan that it is missing something when she’s not near. So you could just imagine how the last three days went for Seungwan.

She keeps swallowing that invisible lump in , telling herself to toughen up. But every time she tries, it only grows bigger. She feels Jooohyun’s absence everywhere she goes. It’s like she’s nowhere and everywhere at the same time.

Joohyun, predictably, doesn’t say anything. She’d lash out if she’s not used to it—but she’s used to it. (Which is sadder, really.)

“Why did you leave?” Seungwan decides to risk it, in a breath. Every single fiber of her shakes in anticipation.

“I told you during the meeting, it is time for me to go.”

“When did you decide?”

“Decide what?”

“That it’s time for you to go?”

“I also told you during the meeting, I’ve thought about it for a long time.”

“You couldn’t have looped us in then? Hey girls, friends of more than a decade, I have this plan of moving on with my career blah, blah—Hyun, a heads up would’ve been really nice,” she snaps.

It’s what silences Joohyun. So, Seungwan goes on.

“We wouldn’t stop you, you know. We’re happy for you. We’re rooting for you. But I think we deserved a proper goodbye. I don’t even know how we’ll do with this show in Singapore because Seulgi wouldn’t speak, Yerim is closing herself in, and Sooyoung—Sooyoung’s about to lose it. Our manager looks like he’s about to cry anytime now—how—”

She pauses for a bit, out of breath. “—how do I do this without you?”

“The same way you always do,” the older girl smiles sadly, “—move on with a smile on your face.”

“That’s a load of crap, Joohyun.”

At this point, the barista comes up to them with their drinks. He quietly places the glasses on the table between the two, the smile on his face never wavering. Soon as he’s done, he leaves without a word. Seungwan uses this opportunity to break the build-up of emotions in . She sips on her drink slowly as she looks down, eyes trained on the table. She then looks outside and sees that it’s still pouring.

They might be here for a while.

“Are we gonna be okay?” Joohyun asks her, voice laced with so much uncertainty.

“Why wouldn’t we be?” she asks, as she turns to Joohyun and meets her eyes.

“Because you’re looking at me right now like you’re not sure if I’m still someone you want around.”

Seungwan is rendered speechless by the sheer heartbreak she hears in Joohyun’s voice. She doesn’t know what to say.

“I just—“ she sighs. “I don’t know what you expect from me Hyun.”

“I want you to be honest with me.”

“About what?”

“About—“

“—about how you left three ing days ago? About how I have three girls I need to worry about because they don’t ing know how to ing navigate this whole Red Velvet thing without you? About how we talk every day and you still somehow failed to mention that you’re leaving?”

Joohyun’s shoulders slack in defeat, eyes wide with shock and heartbreak. Seungwan is suddenly hyper aware of her own emotions, now ridden with fear of making a scene.

Seungwan stands abruptly, “You know what—this is a mistake. I’ll go back to—“

She makes a move to leave but Joohyun is quick to grab her gently by the wrist, effectively stopping her from walking out. Part of Seungwan is relieved. She honestly doesn’t know how their relationship would recover if she walked out on Joohyun; if Joohyun let her.

“—stay, please,” the other girl pleads quietly.

It’s weird, really. They’re stuck in this place with hundreds of other people and the sky is crying endless tears of wrath, and yet, Seungwan only sees and hears Joohyun. Like always, without fail.

Seungwan tries to fight it.

For a second there, her brain wins in convincing her that this is a bad idea. That she should just go back to where Yerim, Sooyoung, and Seulgi are. But she somehow ends up sitting back on the chair across from Joohyun, searching the older woman’s face for something that will clue her in on what she’s feeling.

“I didn’t mention it because I’m afraid that I wouldn’t be able to leave.”

“Did you think we were gonna stop you?”

“No, you.”

“You think I’m gonna stop you?”

“Seungwan,” a breath, “if I told you, I wouldn’t have been able to leave.”

“I don’t understand, Joohyun, because all I’ve ever wanted for you was to be happy. For you to be able to do your own thing, I—“

“You’re not listening to me.”

“Then, stop messing around.”

“I can’t leave you.”

“What?”

“I don’t know how to walk away from you. I don’t know how to be away from you.”

To be honest, Seungwan still doesn’t get it. She still doesn’t understand it. But she stays silent. She’s not the one here who has lots of explaining to do.

“Let me speak your language for you, Seungwan—the other half.”

What?

“Plato?”

Joohyun nods, “When we’re on tour, you always left things around so one time I got to read some of the writings you print from the Internet. You were reading about The Other Half at that time.”

Huh.

In Plato’s The Other Half theory, Aristophanes narrates the story of how Zeus became so scared that the physically perfect humans can gather the strength to defeat him. So then, he decided to split humans into two: the other part being a perfect match of the other one. He wanted humans to get distracted by searching for their other halves all their lives so they wouldn’t have time to overthrow him.

In this logic, each of us is a matching half of a human whole. We are designed to spend all our lives searching and longing for that half. When we do, it will feel as if something falls into place.

It’s a soulmate thing for some people but Seungwan’s always thought of it as a loneliness thing. This story is so fascinating because we’ve always associated falling in love with the feeling of being whole, of being found.

“The story says that when we meet that other half, we will be struck with a sense of belongingness. That from that point forward, we will not want to be separated from them, ever.”

If Seungwan’s going to be honest, she is impressed by the way Joohyun recalled that. It’s a complex piece of writing. But she doesn’t have the time now, really.

“I don’t understand what’s that got to do with—“

“You are not listening again.”

“I am listening, Hyun, I just don’t understand—“

A beat.

And then all at once.

“You are my other half,” Joohyun musters, releasing a breath. “I don’t know if I believe this whole soulmate thing or Plato’s writing. I don’t even know if I understand it but I am sure that I cannot breathe when you’re not around. I have spent the last three days trying not to call you but I need to do this, Seungwan. I need you to really listen to me because I can only say this once—“

“Joohyun—“

“I left that way because I cannot have any reason to stay. I love the girls, I do. I love the career we’ve built. But I cannot stay the same because I want us to change. Us, Seungwan. I cannot be Irene of Red Velvet if I’m going to be Joohyun to you because Irene of Red Velvet has a lot on her plate. She cannot love freely the way Joohyun wants to.”

In the end, it is what it is: a confession. Right in the middle of an airport lounge as it continues to pour outside. Maybe, when all it’s said and done, they’ll realize that this is the universe’s way of telling them they’re right where they’re supposed to be.

“I’ve given Red Velvet everything I’ve got,” she says. “It is time for me to go and allow myself to be selfish just this once.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying you need to stop being flirty with other girls because I like you and I think you like me back. When you’re back from the tour and the press has calmed down, I’d like to go out with you.”

What?

“What?”

What the is happening?

“I wasn’t supposed to blurt it out, I was supposed to wait until all of this blows over but we just had to bump into each other here, and maybe this whole soulmate thing is not real. But you’re real to me and I don’t want to spend the next few years of my life not being able to breathe without you.”

A whole minute passes and Seungwan is still… stuck. Her whole life, she’d imagined that it’ll be her who confesses to Joohyun. It will be on a hilltop at night where they could see the entire city. She will hold her hand and tell her she’d been in love with her for as long as she can remember.

She’d written songs about her, an entire album of unreleased songs about how love looks like. How sometimes, love is selfish. Love throws a bit of a tantrum when she loses games. Love gets angry when she misses a meal. Love has gone through so much but she has come back just as many times. Sometimes, love is snappy. Love also has a resting face.

Love left so she can come home.

Love hurts sometimes. Some days, Wendy hates Love.

But Love is stuck here in this airport and it’s pouring outside. But no matter how strong the rain gets or how loud the thunder booms, the sky will not fall. The same way Wendy’s feelings will never change.

So you know what, it.

“How about the girls?”

“I will talk to them one by one. I will make amends in my own way.”

“It won’t be easy, you know. You really hurt them. You could’ve just told them that this is how you felt.”

“I cannot always feel sorry for myself.”

Seungwan nods in understanding.

“Are you at peace with it?”

“With?”

“Leaving Red Velvet?”

Joohyun doesn’t even alter, “I am.”

“Are you gonna be okay?”

“I’m a grown woman, Seungwan.”

“I know—but you’re also a cry baby and you whine a lot when the room temperature isn’t to your liking.”

Joohyun chuckles, “I can change.”

“Nah,” the younger girl shakes her head. “You don’t have to. You’re fine the way you are.”

“I don’t know what the point of this conversation is. It’s like you ignored my confession altogether,” she huffs, almost close to a pout.

Seungwan smiles at her as she stands and grabs her drink. For a moment, Joohyun’s expression falls.

“When we come back from the tour, come by the dorm. Let’s have dinner with the girls. Then, you will ask me out.”

“What?” Joohyun is confused, but there’s a stupid smile on her face.

Seungwan can’t help but smile, too.

“Ask me out again and I will say yes.”

“Why won’t you say yes now?”

“Because there’s a storm outside, Hyun. It will stop and then we’ll have to leave. I don’t want to start this with the image of us walking away from each other. That’s not the image I want to remember.”

“You are—“

“—tragically poetic?

“Just a hopeless romantic.”

Seungwan laughs, “That is true.”

The younger girl makes a move to leave but before she can be on her way back to the rest of the group, Joohyun stands from her seat and walks over to her until they’re face to face. “Can I call you?”

“Of course—I’ll call you when we land. I’ll call you all the time.”

“I’ll call you, too.”

“Like always?”

“Like always.”

“See you around, Joohyun.”

“Yah—you’re so cheesy.”

Seungwan starts walking but stops in her tracks again, “Hyun.”

“Yeah?”

“You know that you’ve always been just Joohyun to me, right?”

The older girl smiles, “I know.”

“Good.”

Seungwan nods for the last time before she makes her way back to the group.

As she takes the seat next to Yerim and as their maknae rests her head on her shoulder, Seungwan looks up at the sky. It’s dark and the rain doesn’t feel like it’s about to stop soon. They’re stuck here in this airport and no one really knows what time they’ll be cleared to leave.

That’s alright.

No matter what happens, the sky wouldn’t fall.

At least that’s what Joohyun says, who is she to stand in the way of that?

/