Tags/warnings: completed oneshot, very angsty, implied character death, boyxboy

A/n: ok just a random plot from nowhere cuz I was feeling angsty. im not expert so PLEASE let me know if im portraying anything inaccurate or offensive. 

***

As the cold air fills his lungs, tears well up in his eyes again. His nose stings but a shaky sigh cuts the silence as he blinks back the tears. It doesn't work though. And the sobs burst out again. It  sounds like a horror movie with the wails plaguing the moonlit room. 

He promised Kyungsoo not to cry about this. That he'd send him off with the sweetest memories to keep. But... how could he? How could he when the love of his life is going to perish? Chanyeol could convince himself at first to be strong for Kyungsoo. Because his baby soo needs him to be his strength to get through the tiring treatments. 

Sadly, the past month and a half didn't show much progress and Chanyeol can't lie to himself anymore. That Kyungsoo is going to be fine and that they will be a normal happy couple again. Because no - this is far from the truth. The cold, hard truth that the drugs are just prolonging his life... and likely his pain as well. Chanyeol wants to stay strong for him. But how can he stay strong if there isn't any hope to hold on to?

His precious lover... time is running out as he gets weaker, thinner, paler, relies more on the painkillers and machines...

His love for Kyungsoo never wavered, but his hopes of living out his fantasies with Kyungsoo are slowly disappearing - along with the man himself. He could tell that the once black-haired man is trying his best to hold on and that he wishes to recover so so badly. 

But.

Again, they can't stop the cancer from spreading and taking over his body... The beautiful person he has been so whipped for. Dear gods, why? Chanyeol doesn't even commit to a religion, but he is so ready to start praying properly... if it means he can have his Kyungsoo back.

The cute boy who'd blushed when Chanyeol confessed to him... and made his heart flutter when he replied with a peck instead of words. The one who stole his heart mercilessly, which Chanyeol gladly let him take. 

Now what? What was he supposed to do? Watch his lover slip away in front of him? As his condition deteriorates, Chanyeol struggles more and more each day. He tries not to let the puffiness of his eyes or his cracked lips give away his nightly routine. However, it is so painfully obvious to the patient that Chanyeol is suffering as much as he is, although not so much physically as emotionally. But Kyungsoo can't bear to bring it up in front of him... He isn't as strong-hearted as he made himself seem - he can't bear seeing the tears gushing out of Chanyeol's eyes... because he promised to smile for Chanyeol. How was crying going to help them?

He's scared. More scared of losing Chanyeol than losing himself. And he knows that it's selfish to leave his boyfriend to suffer alone, but Kyungsoo thinks that breaking down in front of Chanyeol would just make it harder in the end when he.... when he dies eventually.

Sigh... why God? I've tried to be a good person. I confess my sins and repent them all. So why me? Why us? If Kyungsoo knew sooner that this was the punishment in store for him, he would have been the most well-behaved boy in the whole universe. But what's the point of thinking this now? Is it even the doing of god? Why when we are pushed to our wit's end do we seek the help of god? If god is even there listening? Sigh... Honestly, Kyungsoo already knows that all this is pointless.

Yet the hardest part is to fully give up the hope burning inside of him. Hope that by some miracle he would be healed of his illness. Hope that he can just hug Chanyeol tight and assure him that he'll be fine - that he won't die soon. 

Kyungsoo wipes the wetness on his cheeks as he feels another wave of nausea hit him along with the sharp pain in his upper abdomen. He swallows and tries to focus on an