Joohyun tries to dream.

 

It has been a couple of weeks since the dreamless nights started. She wonders if she’ll ever get to relish the fleeting feeling of being weightless and at peace.

 

Of course, dreaming would also mean that there would be a possibility for absurd things to come true, like flying elephants and talking shoes. Maybe if she tries hard enough, she could make her dreams come true, like the ability to make food appear in front of her whenever she wants, or the power to stop time. She wants the latter, the capability to pause the entire world and take her time, relishing every frame in every angle, burning every moment in the back of her mind.

 

How much she would do to make time stop right now, to halt the crashing droplets of the light shower outside her window, forming piercing little shards of water that are left frozen in the air. It would make the humming of the fridge stop, just a few steps away from the bedroom she has learned to be comfortable in. Stopping the sunrise from ever arriving, leaving her in the mercy of the dark, where she sees less but feels more.

 

She is willing to endure an eternity of darkness and rain as long as it means that she would still have Seungwan by her side.

 

Joohyun didn’t make much of a deal for the dreaded day, which started a few hours ago; the second the clock struck twelve. She preferred not to dwell on the thought of change, though she is well aware that change is inevitable.

 

They agreed to not talk about it. Act like it was a normal day, performing habits that they caught and letting the day flow on its own, just relishing every second with each other. They agreed, but Joohyun is having a hard time trying to keep her word.

 

For the past couple of months, Joohyun felt like she was transported to another universe, an alternate world where she wasn’t working fifty hours a week, where deadlines and snappy bosses didn’t exist, where she never had to worry about what she would eat next week, where she didn’t live in a small and crowded apartment. Recently, it actually felt like she was living in a dream, fearing that she’ll wake up at any second and return to a horrendous routine.

 

Maybe that’s why she hasn’t been dreaming for a while.

 

Her dreamless nights would last for a few minutes, darkness seeming to cover her eyes and in the next moment she is already met with warm smiles and threads of sunrise.

 

Joohyun, living the dream. She would have never guessed that she’d be in this position.

 

A slight hitch of a breath drags Joohyun out of her thoughts. The pitter patter of the rain made itself known and suddenly the ceiling she was staring at wasn’t a hundred feet above her.

 

Slowly turning her head to her left, she spots shuffling bleached locks, digging deeper into the soft pillow. After a while, they stopped alongside what sounded like a satisfied sigh.

 

Joohyun couldn’t help but smile. Beside her, Seungwan softly stirs awake. pulling Joohyun back from her midnight disturbances.

 

“Hey,” Seungwan mutters, deeper than what Joohyun was used to, “...Hey.” She mutters again after a few seconds.

 

The lack of response pushed the groggy girl to wrap an arm around Joohyun’s torso, enveloping the latter with warmth she somehow forgot she craved during the rainy night. It slowly makes its way around Joohyun’s entire body, making her shiver a little while moving slightly lower to look at Seungwan.

 

“Hey,” Joohyun whispers, softly bringing her hand up to hold Seungwan’s which is resting on top of her stomach, “Go back to sleep.”

 

“But you’re not asleep.” Seungwan tries to reason, removing her head from the pillow and choosing to settle her head on Joohyun’s chest.

 

“I’ll fall asleep soon, you should get some rest.” Joohyun replies, adjusting herself more into Seungwan’s frame. Fitting like a puzzle.

 

Seungwan sighs, “I’ll stay up with you until you fall asleep.”

 

Contrary to Seungwan’s statement, she still has her eyes closed. Breath as slow as if she was still in the graces of slumber.

 

“I’ll sleep now, let’s sleep now.” Whispers from Joohyun seem to have comforted the younger girl.

 

Seungwan hums and pushes herself closer to snuggle into the crevice of Joohyun’s neck. Not even a few minutes later and Seungwan’s already asleep.

 

The newly acquired warmth has allowed Joohyun’s muscles to relax, perfectly complimenting the soft breeze from the morning shower that was flowing through their windows.

 

Now, more than ever, Joohyun wished she could stop time.

 

It’s perfect. She thought. I would sacrifice a whole life of movement to stay in this moment.

 

The instant she thinks about how great things are making her feel at the moment, the regret settles deeper into her being. The regret of not appreciating every single morning she was blessed to wake up wrapped in Seungwan’s arms like this. Not relishing every night where they would sleep with smiles that were hard to remove from their faces. The feeling of having their bodies close and intertwined, how she wished she hadn’t wasted time shying away from Seungwan before. The moment of bliss swiftly turned into a feeling of remorse.

 

Joohyun is well aware of the coming hours, they were looking at her like she hasn’t prepared herself for what’s to come.

 

They agreed not to talk about it, but that doesn’t stop them from feeling it.

 

Bottling up her worries was not the best thing to do for their current situation, but Joohyun would rather internalize it all than project it onto Seungwan. She ultimately decided that it was impossible for her not to think about today, tomorrow, the future.

 

“You’re so tense.”

 

The sudden statement from beside her made Joohyun jerk from her position, her heart wanting to beat out of her chest.

 

“Goodness, Seungwan. You scared me.”

 

A chuckle followed Joohyun’s startle, along with Seungwan’s arms wrapping tighter around her. “I thought we were going to sleep?”

 

“Yes,” Joohyun sighed. She doesn’t want to keep Seungwan up with her worrying, “Come on, let’s sleep now, Wan.”

 

Shifting from laying on her back, Joohyun moves to face Seungwan, willing her eyes to close as soon as she hears Seungwan’s heartbeat. It doesn’t take long for Seungwan’s arms to return to their position, gripping onto Joohyun after drawing the sheets up to cover Joohyun’s shoulders, shielding her from the cold.

 

Maybe it wouldn’t be so hard for Joohyun to leave if she just stopped worrying every second and just enjoyed the moment.

 

It turns out that even after all these dreamless nights, Seungwan was the dream that Joohyun was already having. Joohyun didn’t want to wake up from the second she fell asleep, wrapped in Seungwan’s embrace.

 

 

-

 

 

The sound of something being fried stirred Joohyun awake, immediately making her aware of the lack of warmth beside her on the bed. Even the sunlight shining through the windows isn’t enough to make up for the comfort last night’s warmth gave her.

 

Joohyun opens her eyes to the same ceilings she stared at just a few hours ago. They looked different, not as looming as they were the night before. Colored with the orange sunrise, they looked a lot friendlier than the dark blue hues they were shaded with a few hours ago. Every bit of worry that Joohyun felt seemed to have returned, even after a moment of bliss with Seungwan’s lips touching her forehead right before wishing her a good night’s rest.

 

Time felt like a thick jelly. Joohyun wants to float in the time jelly, carrying her off the burdens she was bringing herself to think about so early. Muffling the sounds of frying and dulling the sunshine.

 

Breathing in the scent that morning brought, Joohyun tries to ignore the same feelings that made her lose a couple hours of rest. She feels culpable, being reminded of the countless days she spent sleeping in, missing sunrises like this because she was unconcerned about the importance of the time she spent awake. It takes the ‘Good’ out of ‘Good morning’ in an instant.

 

She sits up, yawning from the lack of sleep. She couldn’t care less about the sleep deprivation, she didn’t want to fall asleep in the first place.

 

A little chirp from outside the bedroom door made all of her ill thoughts disappear in an instant, “Good morning!” It reverberated around the room, even though it actually didn’t, it’s all in Joohyun’s head, and she couldn’t ignore how it just makes her smile.

 

the time jelly, Joohyun wants to float in the presence of Seungwan in the morning.

 

Finding her place on the kitchen counter a few moments later, Joohyun admires while Seungwan flips an omelette onto the frying pan. Such little action deserved the most praise. Seungwan, managing to catch the flying piece of egg in the air, flashes Joohyun with a grin brighter than the morning sun.

 

“Woah! Did you see that?”

 

Joohyun brought her hands together to slow clap at the small act Seungwan placed in front of her, “That was extraordinary, Wan.” She proceeds to clap while Seungwan bows before returning the pan on top of the sputtering flame on the stove. Who would have known that making omelettes would be one of the things that made Joohyun’s heart skip a beat?

 

A creeping feeling of regret makes its way up Joohyun’s spine, and as soon as Seungwan turns around to cook the rest of their breakfast, Joohyun’s smile fades.

 

In a few hours from now, Joohyun will be in a position she already planned to be in.

 

It was already decided from the second she stepped off the bus to the moment she rode the same trip back. She would spend her time here and leave, no matter what connection she’s made, Joohyun was destined to leave.

 

She surely didn’t plan a whole summer of feelings she never even thought she would get to feel.

 

Warm hugs and cool nights surely weren't in her itinerary in the beginning. Ice cream cones and paragliding weren’t on there either. Kisses and goodbyes were things she never would have even thought would be on the list, but here she is now, cycling through the past few months that have been her solace, an itinerary she never planned for herself, but followed anyway. She never imagined that the list would eventually stop.

 

Seungwan turns around to hand her a plate of well-made eggs and bacon, a staple, as Seungwan suggested herself.

 

Joohyun is once again whisked away from her whirling thoughts at the mere sight of Seungwan. A caring hand makes its way under Joohyun’s chin, “Hey?”

 

“Hmm?” Joohyun acknowledges her with a hum, eyes shifting from her bountiful breakfast plate to Seungwan’s worrying eyes.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

Joohyun nods, never breaking eye contact, only to make her catch Seungwan’s gaze from worry to doubt. She makes the effort to hold Seungwan’s hand and grab it from under her chin.

 

“I’m okay, Wan.” She gently rubs her thumb over Seungwan’s knuckles, “I’m still a little sleepy, that’s all.”

 

For the first time in the last few months, Seungwan visibly seems to have doubted what Joohyun said. It flashed briefly in her eyes, but it quickly disappeared as soon as Joohyun placed a kiss on the back of her hand.

 

“Okay, but I don’t want you to be all loopy while we eat our breakfast.” Seungwan steals another kiss from Joohyun’s forehead before turning back to the stove. The small gesture made Joohyun blush. She appreciates how the younger girl couldn’t see her face grow a little red after a while.

 

They eat in silence, but not the bad kind. The one where Joohyun kept looking up at Seungwan after every bite, delight filling her eyes and nodding her head in approval as if she had never tasted a piece of bacon as good as what Seungwan served her that morning. Even if they have eaten this brand for a couple of weeks now. It makes Seungwan blush, and Joohyun doesn’t fail to notice how happy it makes her to see Seungwan so flustered.

 

Doing the dishes wasn’t a pain anymore because somehow, the scrubbing of plates turned into an impromptu beatboxing battle between the two. With every squeak the plates made, Seungwan matched it with a beat that made Joohyun giggle at how ridiculous it sounded. Soon after, Joohyun was also making beats in order to defeat Seungwan’s entirely new composed song. They weren’t sure if they cleaned off all the sudds and leftovers from the plates and utensils, but Joohyun was convinced they made a song that would top the charts just from the dish tunes and Seungwan’s beatboxing.

 

The morning turned out to be good after all.

 

Seungwan turns her frowns upside down, and Joohyun would never flip it back over ever again, if it meant she would be greeted with the same smile every time.

 

 

-

 

 

 

As it turns out, the blue hour drizzle was a sign of something bigger coming on the later part of the day.

 

Heavy rain pours over the empty beach, water pelting the sand as it softens around the shores, once filled with bustling people was now an accumulation of puddles that formed all over the edges of the roaring gray sea.

 

Seungwan couldn’t help but express her dismay at their current situation, Joohyun is right by her side, helping her calm down.

 

“This is so awful,” Seungwan pushes her palms further around her eye sockets, an action which is concerning Joohyun a little bit, “I really wanted us to go out today.” The brunette frowned bigger than a whale’s. It’s obvious how much she wanted today to be more than just staying inside.

 

Joohyun sits beside her, silently consoling Seungwan because the girl has been moping for almost half an hour now, and that was not pushing them forward towards their day. If anything, it was only pushing them quicker towards their deadline.

 

Almost growing sick of Seungwan’s hopeless groaning, Joohyun pushes her head towards the blonde’s ear to whisper, “Hey.” Joohyun slides her arms around Seungwan’s forearm, slotting her body as closely as she could to the younger girl, “It’s okay, we can stay inside today.”

 

Seungwan audibly sighs. Joohyun could feel Seungwan’s shoulder go from tense to somewhat relaxed, which was a great improvement considering they’ve been sitting on the couch for a while.

 

“But, I wanted us to spend some time on the beach, swim a little, go fishing, maybe even paragliding! Today was supposed to be perfect--”

 

“Everyday is a perfect day, as long as I’m with you.”

 

Seungwan exhales, seeming to be a little taken aback by what Joohyun said.

 

Even if Joohyun tries to smile, Seungwan could still spot the sadness lingering along the tips of . Both of them knew how much that sentence meant, it was both comforting and heartbreaking at the same time. Deep inside, the couple knew what the other was thinking, but rather than bringing the mood down and hopeless than it already is, a silent mutual decision of letting their worries pass instead of letting it affect them was made.

 

An equally saddened smile manages to make its way to Seungwan’s face and they look at each other for a while. Staring into each other’s eyes as if it was the first time they’ve seen each other up close, absorbing every single detail that they could, engraving it to their minds so they would never forget the way they looked at each other.

 

With love? Joohyun is still not sure. They’ve never talked about love before. Joohyun isn’t quite sure about the butterflies and the blushes, the more she’s unsure about whatever Seungwan was feeling as well. Whatever it was, it was something she has never felt so strongly before.

 

“Okay,” Seungwan sighs, pulling her hand up to cup Joohyun’s face, “Let’s stay right here, baby.”

 

The simple agreement made the couple move from their huddled seats, time was flowing once again, but towards a direction that Joohyun had favored.

 

Joohyun offered to make them something hot to drink to counter the unusually cold day. Seungwan stands up saying that she would help, but a little push on her shoulder with a warning from the older girl made her sit back down, “Ah, ah. You made breakfast, let me make you something too.”

 

The process of making hot cocoa should be a simple procedure, yet Joohyun found it slightly more difficult than it was a few days ago. Accompanied by her wilding thoughts again, lifting mugs and measuring cups were a challenge for Joohyun. A pushing feeling against her chest made itself known while she was boiling some water in a kettle.

 

It sounds frantic and needy, but today, whenever Joohyun is away from Seungwan, it feels like a shroud of freezing air covers her body. It leaves her shaking and tense. This hasn’t happened before. The creeping feeling of anticipation for something unsure and unforeseeable adds a layer of ice around Joohyun’s shoulders.

 

Joohyun is afraid, and she knows this very well. Who wouldn’t be if you were offered with the unexpected experience of bliss, only to come to a late realization that it would be taken away from you in the end?

 

But is it the end? That question scares Joohyun the most.

 

They’ve talked about it before. What will happen to them after Joohyun leaves?

 

Seungwan doesn’t have a cellphone. How will they remain in contact?

 

“I’ll buy one! Yerim can teach me how to use it. I’ll call you and text you everyday!”

 

Sweet. A little weight has been lifted off Joohyun’s chest after remembering Seungwan’s answer.

 

But what about work? Joohyun works like crazy. What will happen if she doesn’t have any time?

 

“We can work out a schedule! I’m always free, you can talk to me at any time that you can. You know, like pencil me in or something. Is that what you guys say?”

 

Absolutely adorable. Little by little, Joohyun’s worries seem to get lighter and lighter.

 

Will they ever meet again?

 

“Of course! Nothing will ever stop me from finding my way back to you.”

 

The whistling sound from the kettle knocks Joohyun out of her hazy daydream. The weightlessness she was feeling flutters away as she snaps back to reality. She’s been spacing out a lot today. Is it a waste of time or a savor of time? I just need some sleep.

 

Joohyun continues to make the hot cocoa in silence.

 

The pair were supposed to be settled cuddling on the couch after Joohyun came back with their hot drinks, but as Joohyun returned from the kitchen, she spotted Seungwan gathering their bedroom pillows.

 

“Wan, what- what are you doing?” Joohyun follows a giddy Seungwan towards the living room.

 

Upon crossing the threshold, the sheets from the bedroom were covering half the living room floor, the tv was on the other side of the makeshift tent, and Seunwan was plopping the pillows on the floor along with their bed comforters.

 

Seungwan turns to a taken aback Joohyun, “I didn’t want us to just sit around in the living room we’ve seen every day for the past couple of months,” She approaches Joohyun to take their mugs of cocoa, “Think of this as a change of perspective.” Joohyun follows Seungwan as she enters the fort she managed to make faster than she could whip up two cups of hot cocoa. The pair sit on either side of Joohyun’s little prop up table, which the older thinks Seungwan dug up from her luggage. As Seungwan sets their cups on the table, she reaches for something behind her and pulls out the little cactus that Seulgi gave them to take care of.

 

Joohyun couldn’t contain her smile because of the little moment they were having right now. She was totally set on preparing herself for the paragliding they wanted to do today, she imagined she was up in the clouds right now, terrified out of her mind, staring at the bright ocean waves. But instead she was capturing the brightest smile of them all as Seungwan leans back and looks at her with the most loving eyes she has ever seen. Loving.

 

“Do you like it?”

 

Joohyun nods like a little kid, “I thought I was gonna be scared less up in the air right about now,” Seungwan giggles, reminded of how they arranged to go paragliding today, “but instead, I’m having a very delicious cup of cocoa, feeling the most relaxed I have ever been.”

 

Seungwan fiddles with her mug, palms absorbing the warmth that coated the ceramic, looking down as Joohyun showered her with loving words.

 

After finishing their mugs of cocoa, the pair are huddled together under the fort. Seungwan’s hoodie now in Joohyun’s possession. According to the older girl, she wanted to stain her skin with Seungwan’s scent as much as possible. Seungwan offered to buy her the fabric conditioner that she uses.

 

“It’s not the fabric conditioner, Wan.” Joohyun playfully nudges Seungwan’s shoulder, “It’s you.”

 

As much as Joohyun detests last night’s lack of sleep, she feels her waning hours slowly cover her eyes, making her feel drowsier than ever. She will not take the risk of falling asleep and losing the few hours, minutes, seconds that she has left with Seungwan.

 

Sleep can wait, relishing every last moment with Seungwan can only happen now.

 

The comfortable atmosphere that Seungwan literally built around them was not enough to make Joohyun relax. Every second of silence leaves her vulnerable to thoughts she wishes she could block from her mind. Even though she was with Seungwan, being left alone in the once comfortable silence that they’ve built was only drawing Joohyun deeper into the darkest corners of her concern.

 

Joohyun was disappointed in herself, in her thoughts. Must she stain every second of today with murky worries?

 

As peaceful as Joohyun registered this moment should be, Seungwan’s arm around her shoulders, her head on Seungwan’s chest, silently enjoying each other’s company with the background noise of the slight storm outside their window, small worries still manage to make their way up to her mind.

 

Joohyun’s head was throbbing with a slight headache, surely from the lack of sleep too, but also from the endless thoughts that were plowing their way into her brain. It wasn't making things easier for her.

 

On second thought, maybe Joohyun wants to fall asleep after all, if it would mean that it would drag her away from the gutter of her expectations. All she has to remember is that if she ever does fall asleep, wasting a few hours, minutes, seconds would still be alright because she would be wrapped in Seungwan’s loving arms.

 

She presses her eyes closer together. For the nth time that day, Joohyun tries to dream. Hoping to embed a great memory in her head that she would relive in the future, even if it meant that she had to look at this with either happiness or loss.

 

Out of the blue, Seungwan sitting up pulls Joohyun out of her thoughts. Without a word, the younger one stands up and looks back down at Joohyun who was still lying down on their comforters.

 

“Where are you going?” Joohyun asks but Seungwan doesn’t reply, only for the latter to hold out her hand, palms irking Joohyun to take it. The confused raven-haired girl sits up and hesitates for a second before taking the offer. She was pulled up and brought to their front door.

 

“Wan, I thought we were staying in today?” Her questions were still left unanswered as Seungwan twists and turns the doorknob, prompting the front door to open. Greeting them, a heavy downpour and a roaring ocean. “It’s raining really hard, what are you doing?”

 

Pulling Joohyun outside the door, the two of them stand under the makeshift patio. Seungwan keeps walking, and Joohyun’s hands slip from their grip as she watches Seungwan get enveloped by the rain.

 

“Son Seungwan! What do you think you’re doing?” It comes out louder than Joohyun expected, but then again, her shouts are battling against the dark and tempered sea.

 

Seungwan turns back at her, already a few feet across, hair sticking to her face, shiny grin plastered across her face.

 

“Come back here, you’re gonna get sick!” Joohyun steps with her slipper into the wet sand, it sinks and pulls Joohyun forward. She eagerly steps back under the comfort of the small roof that was shielding her from most of the rain.

 

“Joohyun!”

 

Joohyun looks up to find Seungwan offering her yet another hand.

 

“Come dance with me, Hyun!”

 

Joohyun looked at her like she had grown another head, “Are you kidding me?” she retorts as she clutches her elbows together, “It’s freezing, Wan!”

 

“You’re wearing my hoodie, you’ll be fine!”

 

Somehow, that argument, no matter how much it didn’t make sense, actually made Joohyun think about taking Seungwan’s hand.

 

Seungwan now has both of her hands out, looking up above at the murky clouds. She slowly spins around while the rain continuously pours around her.

 

Joohyun sinks one of her slippers back in the sand.

 

Seungwan jumps from one sand puddle to another, all while laughing hysterically with every hop she takes.

 

Joohyun looks around the beach. It was only them.

 

Seungwan jumps further away from Joohyun, aiming for every single puddle she could find, even if there were countless on the wide beachside.

 

“Seungwan!” Joohyun takes a step, and another. Her hair catching all the rain and pouring it on her clothes. Little by little, Seungwan’s hoodie stuck more and more, gripping its drenched fabric tighter around Joohyun’s form. The rain was freezing, as she expected. It prompts her entire body to shiver, she could feel goosebumps growing on every inch of her skin. She keeps walking, her pace growing faster each puddle that Seungwan jumped away from her.

 

“Seungwan!” Joohyun tried to run, but her slippers did not allow her to. Compared to Seungwan who was barefoot jumping in the sand, Joohyun’s slippers sink with every step she takes. It feels like she was never going to catch up to her, because Seungwan seems to be very, very determined to continuously jump away from her. A sudden pang hit Joohyun’s chest, a feeling of loss. Each step Seungwan was taking away from her made her thoughts come somewhat clearer than before. More than the dread she was feeling for having to leave, seeing Seungwan slowly disappear under the endless downpour made her realise that this feeling of loss must be what Seungwan felt.

 

“Seungwan!” Joohyun takes off her slippers, freeing her from what was hindering her from catching up to Seungwan. Joohyun runs, runs like she was going to be late for the bus, runs like there was a fire, runs like she was never going to see Seungwan ever again.

 

It hurt. The feeling of losing someone when you’re on the other end, when you’re the one being left. Joohyun never saw Seungwan waver. Seungwan always smiled, Seungwan always laughed. Even up until today Seungwan was still beaming, it didn’t look like she was dreading the moment she’ll get left behind. They agreed to not talk about it, they didn’t agree to not feel it, with every step Joohyun ran, she felt her feelings pour out from her chest. She felt Seungwan’s feelings, from the concerned ‘Hey's' to the comforting hugs. Seungwan always saw the good in every situation. Joohyun wanted to see the good in this situation as well. Tears were threatening to battle with the rain pouring on her face, but Joohyun kept running. All that mattered now was that she and Seungwan were going to dance in the rain.

 

“Seungwan!” Joohyun wraps her arms around Seungwan, who she finally caught. Suddenly, the rain doesn’t feel like it was trying to skin her alive. The frozen desolate wasteland that she ran on was now a warm summer beach despite the continuous downpour. A laughing Seungwan brought back the warmth in her cheeks as the two of them reunited in the middle of the rain.

 

Seungwan turns around, bringing her arms around Joohyun. She slowly spins them around while trying to rid her sight of the wet strands that attached themselves to her face.

 

“Hyun!” Seungwan shouts, which startled Joohyun. The latter then laughs off the shock that momentarily struck her.

 

“Joohyun from Seoul!” Seungwan continues to shout. Joohyun continues to stare at her.

 

At that moment, the frenzied waves calmed down. The downpour falters a little and instead offers a lighter shower, soft to the touch. And Seungwan was leaning closer, pulling Joohyun’s body along with her. Close, but not too close. Their clothes mesh with each other due to being soaked in the rain. Joohyun feels Seungwan’s arms grow tighter around the small of her back. Seungwan gently rocked them side to side.

 

The world around them settled down from the uproar, seeming to have planned something with Seungwan.

 

“Joohyun,” It was barely above a whisper this time, but they were so close that Joohyun could hear it crystal clear.

 

“I love you.” Joohyun whispers, closing her eyes as she rests her forehead on Seungwan.

 

Seungwan’s eyes shoot out from their sockets.

 

Joohyun beat her to it.

 

“You took the words right out of my mouth.” Seungwan chuckles while shaking her head.

 

At this moment, Joohyun was sure she wanted to stop time. Trapping her in Seungwan’s endless embrace, with her heart open and her eyes looking into the eyes of the one person she loves. Kind of like taking a picture. She wants to see the look on their lovestruck faces and remember it forever.

 

“You can take the words back, you know?”

 

Seungwan breathes out a laugh, “I love you, Joohyun.”

 

And with that, Seungwan leans in, capturing Joohyun’s lips with hers. Their love wrapped in kisses they shared under the summer showers.

 

 

-

 

 

The couple find themselves in the kitchen, all dried up from their dancing in the rain, with Seungwan cooking their meals on the stove and Joohyun setting the table. They are expecting lunch guests in a few minutes, and after being drenched in the rain for the most part of their morning, the pair rushed to meet with the time slot their guests agreed on.

 

Not long after Seungwan placed a plate of deliciously smelling fish on the table, a knock on their door was heard.

 

“I just have to freshen up. Can you get the door, love?” Seungwan turns to Joohyun while removing her apron. A smirk presents itself on her face the moment she catches Joohyun blushing at the new term of endearment.

 

Joohyun walks over to the front door and opens it to the sight of Sooyoung and Yerim under one umbrella. She quickly ushers the two girls inside, inviting them into the warm home they’ve all hung out in for the past couple of months.

 

“I did not expect it to rain today at all.” Sooyoung comments while shaking her umbrella outside to rid it of water droplets.

 

Yerim agrees, patting dry her hair that got damp from the stray raindrops that fell on her head while sharing the umbrella with Sooyoung, “If I would have known, I would’ve brought an umbrella of my own.”

 

Sooyoung commented that she should have left Yerim stranded at the shed across the beach and Yerim proceeded to taunt Sooyoung for holding the umbrella too high, garnering them both with soaked shoulders. Joohyun laughs at the small banter of the two, from the moment she met them bickering on the beach volleyball court, she knew that the pair would bring joy to her stay with their playfulness. An interesting pair, Joohyun is glad she met them.

 

Joohyun leads them to the small dining table set in the kitchen. As soon as the youngest settled on their seats while ogling the food, Seungwan came out of the bedroom with a freshly ironed shirt and a wide smile.

 

“Yay, you guys made it! I made this more delicious for you guys.” Seungwan points at the meals on the table to which she proudly beams at.

 

Seungwan pauses upon noticing that her best friend was not present in the room, “Wait a minute. Where’s Seulgi?”

 

“She said she had to pick up something from her uncle’s place before coming over.” Yerim informed Seungwan and the latter hummed while nodding her head in understanding.

 

Joohyun settles to sit beside Seungwan as Sooyoung chirped, “Let’s wait for her a little bit more.” The tall girl pulls her long hair back to tie it into a ponytail, “But if she doesn’t arrive within ten minutes, I get to have her food.” She adds, prompting everyone at the table to laugh.

 

Since the missing party seems to be taking a while, the four roll on conversation to pass the time. Bringing up every moment they could think to talk about. Yerim doesn’t hesitate to remind everyone the time Sooyoung had melted marshmallows stuck in her hair. The offended girl retaliates by bringing up the one night Yerim got wasted at one of the late night band gigs. Most of their stories carried along the path of Yerim and Sooyoung taking turns reviving each other’s humiliations. From now and then they remind themselves of Seungwan’s embarrassing moments as well. “Yah, like the one where Seungwan slipped face-planted into the sand!”

 

“That was one time!”

 

Boisterous laughter filled the room that fought with the continuous drops of rain from outside.

 

Cheerfully reminiscing about the past months they spent with each other, Joohyun’s mind was almost fully clearing up. It seems that being reminded of all the moments they shared was just what she needed in order to shock the worry and guilt out of her system. Though they are all aware of today’s end, that goodbyes usher tears and cries and that it would be one of the most difficult things to do, they made it easier for Joohyun to face it, which the eldest is thankful for.

 

Spending the next few minutes laughing with their guests, Joohyun feels lighter. The walls seem brighter despite the gloomy weather. It was comfy, it was cozy, it was what she always wanted home to feel like. This made her crack a smile once more.

 

Almost done with the day, Joohyun has spent most of the morning with something she didn’t think she would feel. She never envisioned for today to go like this when she was shrouded in the cold and the dark a few hours earlier. Then again, her whole trip has been an unexpected roller coaster. Joohyun has never seen the end, she’s terrified, she’s thrilled, she doesn’t want it to stop. She knows that at some point it will, but she’s okay with that because she had the most extraordinary experiences of her life. She will definitely not forget this one particular ride.

 

A knock on the front door breaks through the laughter that the four of them shared. Joohyun moves to stand up but Seungwan places an arm across to stop her, “Let me get it, love.”

 

Without turning back to look at Joohyun’s flustered face, Sooyoung’s bulging eyes, and Yerim’s teasing “Love?”, Seungwan jogs up to answer the front door.

 

The blonde opens it to Seulgi under a huge umbrella, shooting Seungwan an apologetic smile.

 

“Woah, you could fit five people under that.” Seungwan comments while Seulgi inspects if a speck of rain had landed on her bag. They hear a shout from the kitchen, “I should’ve gone with Seulgi instead!” followed by what sounded like a smack and Yerim yelping. The friends laughed it off and went to join the rest of the group.

 

As Seulgi entered the kitchen, she was eyeing Joohyun specifically and made her way towards her, “Joohyun, I got some stuff for you!” Joohyun raised an eyebrow in curiosity. What could have Seulgi fetched from her uncle’s house to give her?

 

Seulgi noticed the prolonged interest and dug for something inside her bag. Out comes a thick brown envelope which she proceeds to hand Joohyun.

 

Joohyun looks at it carefully at first before taking it with both hands. “What is this?” She asks the grinning girl who was practically jumping on her toes.

 

“Open it!”

 

At this point, everyone in the room was wondering what Seulgi had given Joohyun and were all leaning towards the two of them, waiting for Joohyun to open the envelope.

 

Joohyun steals a glance at Seungwan, who promptly nods at her, before turning to open the envelope. Reaching in, she feels pieces of paper stacked on top of each other, the glossy texture making her fingers stick to the outer pieces. Pulling the stack out, she was met by a developed picture of Seungwan and her dancing on the beach under the rain.

 

“How- How did you get this?” Joohyun asks, though she can’t seem to take her eyes off the picture. It was taken quite far away, only some of their features almost entirely silhouetted and hazed by the rain were visible. Seungwan seems to be speechless as well.

 

“You guys do realize that you were screaming at each other in the middle of the empty beach, right?” Seulgi says while looking at the couple.

 

“Seems like stalkery to me.” Sooyoung teases the proud photographer.

 

Seulgi defends herself, huffing at Sooyoung, “Hey, it’s romantic! I saw them all the way from my house and used the last few shots of my roll!”

 

“You developed these?” Seungwan asked Seulgi, looking at her best friend with wide eyes.

 

The photographer nods, “I just got these rushed at my uncle’s dark room the second after I took it. I’ve been developing my rolls all summer!” Seulgi explains, “There’s more, check them out!” She eagerly tells Joohyun.

 

After registering what Seulgi had told her, she moves the first picture to the back, and she is met with the picture of the five of them from one of the camping nights they had. She took a look at the next picture and it was her walking on the beach. The next was a picture of them playing beach volleyball. Following that was a picture of Seungwan smiling brightly at the camera.

 

Joohyun fixates on the current photo in her hands, registering the smile in Seungwan’s eyes, the rays of the sun bouncing off her bleached locks, the clear blue sky giving her a youthful glow.

 

“You can keep them.” Seulgi tells her, and Joohyun looks up in surprise. Seulgi assures her that it’s alright and that she had copies.

 

Joohyun didn’t know what to say, she didn’t think she deserved this, yet she was given this token that she’s sure she will cherish forever. She moves to stand up and approaches Seulgi, enveloping her in a tight hug. The photographer hugs her back, sensing that Joohyun was getting emotional, she gently rubs her back to calm her down.

 

“Thank you, Seul.” Seungwan moves to place her arms over the two, joining their embrace.

 

“Group hug!” The youngest shouted together, also wrapping their arms around the three.

 

For a moment, the five of them stayed in the embrace with only each other’s presence. They haven’t done this at all in the past couple of months, and the friendship that blossomed between them was warming their hearts.

 

“Stop, you’re making me cry.” Seulgi announced, prodding the group to release from the embrace. Muffled sniffles were heard and some even wiped their eyes.

 

They all laughed at their wholesome little moment before Seungwan started, “Alright, the food’s getting cold. Let’s eat!”

The five of them resume towards the dining table, now complete with Seulgi as they chow down the lunch that Seungwan cooked.

 

At this moment, Joohyun has never felt more loved.

 

Aside from Seungwan, who she found to love, she also found great friendships with the locals of the shore. She felt like she was home, even if she had only been there for a few months. Times like this reminds Joohyun of the dream she’s living in where everything is perfect; she doesn’t want it to end. But rather than dreading the moment she wakes up, Joohyun realizes to take the moment in as it happens, not worrying about tomorrow or the future, because when she looks back on today, all she wants to remember is the time she spent with her friends, the gorgeous beach she stayed at, and the growing love that she has for Seungwan.

 

 

-

 

 

 

Joohyun has never met a sunset she didn’t like.

 

The skies become like a living painting, wishful wisps of clouds adorn the orange hues, dark blue vignettes surround the edges, all movement surrounds the half-lidded sun from the horizon. She basks under the majestic view.

 

But this sunset in particular made her heart break.

 

It meant the day was coming to an end. The last bits of sand in the hourglass were racing their way to the bottom, and Joohyun wishes she could do something to stop them from ever falling. If only there was a way to halt gravity from allowing the grains to fall, or even make it slower, allowing her a few more seconds to stay.

 

Joohyun stood outside the patio, viewing the horizon of warm waves that contrast the rowdy oceans whom she met earlier that day. She was thankful the rain had stopped before the three girls left their accommodation.

 

This was really it, the moment she worried about in the wee hours of the morning, the moment she forgot about when she was dancing with Seungwan, the moment she let go of while eating with her friends. It doesn’t feel like anything she ever imagined.

 

It wasn’t looming and heavy on her mind, it wasn’t light and transparent either. It just felt like now.

 

A car she’s grown familiar with has made its way to the nearest road from their house. “All aboard.” Sooyoung returns to the beach house and steps out of her car, “Let me help you with that.” The tall girl walks towards Joohyun, reaching down to pick up one of her luggages and carries it over to her car trunk.

 

Seungwan was still inside, getting the last of Joohyun’s luggage and making sure she didn;t leave anything important behind.

 

Joohyun sighed as she thought, I’m leaving everything behind.

 

Seungwan emerges from the front door, carrying one of Joohyun’s bags in her hands. Joohyun looks at her.

 

Seungwan.

 

Seungwan, who she didn’t expect would change her life. The person who helped her settle in when she stumbled upon the wide beach as a last resort. The one who held her when she broke down because of problems that were too heavy for her to handle. The one who helped her realize that her life was not a waste and that she has a purpose. The one who gave her a reason to keep looking up and smile.

 

The reason shot her a smile.

 

Joohyun smiles back.

 

They carry Joohyun’s bags towards Sooyoung’s car trunk.

 

It was light. The Baggage. Joohyun left a lot of her stuff with Seungwan. “Keep them, so you have something to remember me by.”

 

The Feeling. Joohyun left her worries as well. She loves Seungwan, her love is bigger than the distance that will ever separate them. Her love is stronger than the time that will hold them. Her love is fuller than the doubts that threaten them.

 

As the couple sat at the back of Sooyoung’s car, travelling the long way towards the nearest bus station that would take Joohyun back, Seungwan held Joohyun’s hand in hers. Joohyun’s head was resting on Seungwan’s shoulder, listening to Seungwan hum along to the faint songs on the radio.

 

“Love?” Joohyun says while looking up at Seungwan, getting her attention.

 

“Hmm?” Seungwan hums.

 

“How did you do it?”

 

Seungwan seems puzzled, “Do what?”

 

“Made today the best day ever, despite all this?” Joohyun motioned at their interlocked hands. Seungwan looks down, tightening her hold on Joohyun’s hand.

 

The blonde smiles, running her thumb over Joohyun’s knuckles, “I’m sad too, you know?”

 

Joohyun nods, carefully feeling the way Seungwan makes her feel secure just by being beside her. “And it’s okay to be sad, we talked about this.” Joohyun nods again.

 

“But look,” Seungwan faces Joohyun, “We could’ve cried and moped the whole day because we were sad and hopeless.” Joohyun listens intently. “But look, now that we had a nice day, you’ll remember that more, won’t you?” Joohyun nods.

 

Seungwan smiles, “So, I remained hopeful.”

 

“I hoped that today would be okay. I hoped that you would smile, and you did.” She earns one from Joohyun just from that. Looking back at their hands, Seungwan continues, “And I hope, no,” She shakes her head at her choice of words, “I know we’ll be alright.”

 

Joohyun sighs, contended. Spending the last few minutes of her day with Seungwan. It was perfect, just the way she dreamed it would be.

 

And so, they step out of Sooyoung’s car by the end of their long trip. The sun has set, midnight blues have covered the sky and scattered thousands of stars to watch Joohyun on her way.

 

It was brief, but they shared a kiss. A kiss unlike any of the ones they already gave to each other in the summer. It was the kind of kiss that they never wanted to have.

 

“Have a safe trip, okay?”

 

Joohyun can’t help the tears forming in her eyes. Joohyun nods.

 

“No, don’t cry, love. Your eyes will hurt.” Seungwan proceeds to swipe each tear that fell from Joohyun’s eyes. Joohyun nods.

 

“I love you, Joohyun.”

 

Joohyun nods, pressing her lips together to hold in a sob.

 

“I love you too, Seungwan.”

 

 

 

Joohyun tries to dream.

 

The humming of the air conditioning was disturbing. The occasional bump on the road jolted her nerves. The seat she sat on was far from comfortable.

 

Still, Joohyun tries to dream.

 

She tries to visualize ocean waves and dancing flames.

 

She tries to relive shared kisses and warm smiles.

 

Joohyun tries to dream of Seungwan, Seungwan’s smile, Seungwan’s hair, Seungwan’s embrace, Seungwan’s voice.

 

How much she would do to make time go at lightning speed now, to fast forward the crashing droplets of the light shower outside the bus window. Watch the leaves change color and fall to the ground, bloom again and wait for the blistering sun. Watching the sun rise and set over her head until it stops on top of the day summer begins again.

 

Joohyun tries to dream, because that’s all she can hold on to until they meet again.