Song: Younger by Ruel https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r90FuOuqE60

You and I used to walk the streets at night

Our parents didn't know, kept the TV going

And left on all the bedroom lights

And no, I haven't seen you since we lost all our innocence

You left me in the dark while you drink in the park

We'll never be the same again

AHN YUJIN

We walked, hands brushing the worn walls of the familiar alleys, our minds leading us to our favourite spots. Ones that our hearts longed for in school while our minds tolled endlessly at the textbooks that sat on our desks. Textbooks meant for us to absorb and to vomit out. You always said, more like honour it. For you preferred to apply the knowledge that books offered us. To life that awaited beyond the four walls of this classroom.

Parental figures separated us for I had spared much of my time with you, with none left for others. Others couldn’t offer the alternate universe that you brought to me with your ideas. You, being my senior, had more experience. Which meant more ideas for me to marvel in. Thus, it kept the film of memories within me running till we ran on the same reel again.

You being my saviour meant less time for us. For the friendship we forged over the park which grew into convenience stores, for they held all the convenience our desires wanted.

Parental figures once again drew us apart, the only reason for it. You were a vice. A mice lurking to gnaw at my ego.The lone rice that I found in a bowl of lices.

I drew my eyes shut, hoping that thoughts of you being content with your life would comfort me to sleep.

The park where our emotions swung higher than the swings could take us, brought us together again. The same park that made me realise, that I swung at a different wavelength from you.

You and me were so, so close

And maybe that's what hurts the most

It's out of my hands, I've done what I can

So I just save my breath

CHOI YENA

We were close, as if to the point that you could outlast the last few strings of your childhood blanket that you wet yourself to when bad dreams happen. But I was your good dream, a fever dream. To you. A dream you didn’t feel the need to wake up from, for I scared away your fears with a simple hug.

Maybe that’s what I missed out on. A simple hug from you to tell me that it is okay that I should be myself even if it hurts myself. This type of happiness, it was a drug. It works as a prescription to my addiction as it slowly turns into an addiction, itself.

Only when I’ve taken enough from a happy pill of Ahn Yujin, when I've exceeded the maximum dosage. Everything was blown out of proportion. Parental figures drew us apart, in silent agreement for the sake of you growing up to be a better person. Without me.

But I’ve done my part as a secret friend, keeping your confided worries through walks in the park. You enjoyed those walks even more than the golden retriever that the old auntie down the street walked. You walked through each door of your life, each time your hand wanting to linger a bit more on the door knob.

I push onto the door, for your sake. I couldn’t risk letting another friend’s future mess up so I messed up mine in honour of our friendship.

There was a saying that most parents would say when they find their own child getting influenced in the way they disapprove of. It seems silly to say it but friends who saw each other for who they are would understand it.

“If your friend jumps off the building. Would you do so?’’

Deep in my heart, I know that it's over

Deleted your number so I can't call you

Call you my brother, the way that we used to

When we were younger, younger

AHN YUJIN

I would jump off the building, deep into the crevice to find the lost strings that held up our friendship. My heart, begging me to see past the ruins of our friendship. The friends we have to bury in order to move on to a new set of friends. That’s how the world revolves in everyone's eyes. Just the way you would have said it.

This time, I chose to see the world in everyone’s eyes, afraid to miss out on opportunities in line for everyone as I waited in line like everyone else. In the height of my emotions, I erased any traces of my past. A praised effort from my parents but one that I didn’t celebrate for it meant having to take away the lone card holding up the house of friendships.

I saw everyone as my equal for they are a usual face, in my take on the world. Even to the point that I saw my parents as a mutual face in the household. Yet, after all these years, you were an actual character in my bool. A character full of life, full of jest and I wonder if you are full of spite over my constant decline. Decline of phone calls and into being a usual face in this pathetic world I see.

We were getting older with each passing minute. To my fellow reader, sincerely. But our hearts find itself yearning to go back to the days where we found ourselves in the plain innocence of the world, not marred by the rules forced upon us by the people who believe that they are superior, given their age. But to us, age was a mere number to signify how many years of bull we underwent.

And we find ourselves, not getting a second younger either. As usual.

I saw you just the other night

I didn't even recognize you

Find it kind of strange, I guess that people change

But I didn't expect you to

CHOI YENA

It was more of an acquaintance pointing out a familiar face in the usual face of this pathetic world, I would call. You were slobbering about, drowning in a pool of your own emotions.

I couldn’t recognise you, with your face looking worse than when you accidentally had dog smeared through it. There wasn’t much difference either way for you had your own emotions driven by . Along with the fact that you looked like a usual, having their usual drink, getting the usual bowl of pistachios and to fall into a usual line of slobs, waiting for the day to pass through.

It was a strange feeling, to find you becoming someone that you vowed not to become. A strange feeling to address you as a familiar yet foreign ‘Ahn Yujin’. And now we are two strangers who had a broken string between us. We could tie it again, to rekindle the friendship between us. But we need two hands to tie a knot. The question is whether you had the will to tie the friendship bracelet for us.

Of course, I didn’t expect you to do so. It was expected. Yet it felt like it came upon me, like a sudden revelation of all of my secrets. And now, I had an unfulfilled dream. A dream that I wish comfort me when the lighting menacingly claps, a flash of memories which unfolded themselves like the textbooks, I passed down to you.

It just didn’t occur to me that I would be passing awaythe opportunity for us to reconcile past the torn pages of the empty textbook.