Kim Yongsun.

Maybe it was the way the sun hits her face, or maybe it was the way she smiles when she sees Yongsun. Like she’s the only person in the whole world that matters. The smile that held so many emotions at once, or maybe it was the way she cared for her like no one else did. Whatever it was, Yongsun realized for the first time in her life that maybe . . . just maybe her bestfriend sees her more than just a friend.

Yongsun never had thoughts about this. She never once saw her friend romantically nor even thought that her bestfriend was gay for her or in general. So what changed? Why now?

It happened earlier when she was talking to her classmates; it was their college foundation day and Byulyi, her bestfriend of four years, barged into their classroom like she owned the place and engulfed Yongsun into a crushing hug that left the latter blinking in surprise.

Moon Byulyi never hugs her.

“What the happened?” she asked, her voice laced with astonishment and worry, until she saw Byulyi’s beaming face when the girl pulled away to stare at her playfully.

“Nothing? I just missed you,” the girl replied with a warm smile that left Yongsun feeling confused.

“What do you mean? We saw each other yesterday though?” Yongsun was beginning to feel a bit suspicious. This behaviour of her bestfriend is weird. Byulyi was touchy but Yongsun isn’t, and the former wasn’t a stranger to that information. She knew how much Yongsun hated hugs and displays of affection—but despite that knowledge, she went and did it anyway. Something’s definitely wrong.

Byulyi shrugged dismissively. “Anyway! I’m off to take my ID from the main campus, wanna come with?” she asked, hopefully.

Yongsun bit her lip and glanced at her classmates who were looking at them with a puzzled expression. Yongsun wanted to ask what’s wrong but said something different. “I can’t. we’re in charge of the serenade booth and guess what—they’re making me sing.” She rolls her eyes as her peers laugh at her misery. She was adamant in declining but her classmates were a force to be reckoned with, so despite her gnawing social anxiety, she accepted.

Byulyi chuckles ever so softly. “Well, goodluck with that then. I hope you don’t make it rain.”

Yongsun scowled at her. “Oh right!” She clears and turned to her classmates who were smirking at them. “I forgot to introduce you, guys, this is my best friend, Byulyi. Byul, these are the jerks who forced me into submission.”

“Just best friends?” Wheein, one of her shorter classmates, asked.

Yongsun’s brows furrowed. “Yeah? Would you rather I said she was my sister from another mother? Cause that sounded weird to me.”

Wheein just shakes her head with the smirk still apparent in her face. Byulyi smiled at them while putting an arm around Yongsun—to which the latter slowly pulls away from. She raised her brows at Byulyi who was smirking at her. What the hell’s her problem? She thought. She reminded herself to tell the girl off later.

After a few chats here and there, Byulyi received a text from her classmate. “Well, that’s my cue. I’ve gotta dash, see you guys later. Maybe you can sing a few songs for me.” She winked at Yongsun and ran to the door, leaving the other girl dumbfounded.

Yongsun can’t believe her friend for four years. She didn’t know when the girl started changing like that and obviously that behaviour was something out of the ordinary. Since when was Byulyi that . . . bold and cringey?

She sighed out in frustration and turned to her mates who were giving her knowing looks.

“What?”

“Your bestfriend is in love with you,” Wheein said, bluntly. Her other friends bobbed their heads In agreement.

“What?” to say that she was shocked was an understatement. Yongsun never once considered that and somehow she felt angry at her friends who tried to put words in her bestfriend’s mouth because if that really were the case then Byulyi would’ve told her already. “That’s impossible. Look we’re just really close. You can’t say that, that’s . . . disgusting.” before she could regret saying it, the words were already out of .

She didn’t mean saying that . . . but the idea, terrified her.

Wheein flinched before sheepishly shrugging. “Well, I’m just saying, your bestfriend might be gay. And I have a feeling since real recognize real, right? I’m biual and if your friend isn’t a lesbian then she might be bi too.”

Yongsun refused to believe that.

Byulyi was waving at her from afar, her arms hanging around her classmate’s shoulder. Beaming at her like she won the lottery.

No, Yongsun refused to believe that.

***

Second year in highschool, Yongsun was feeling nauseous but she kept herself together and she was doing a good job showing a calm façade despite wanting to pass out and her pants, she knew no one would notice. It was her first day in school. Getting transferred so suddenly isn’t the most brilliant idea her parents had, but hey, one more chance for Yongsun to turn her life around because some person ruined it for her. But that was another story and Yongsun doesn’t want to recount that bloody past.

She’s gonna forget it, move on and enjoy her newfound peace.

Of course, there was no peace. No. Chaos was given to her in a form of a girl named Byulyi.

Yongsun was peacefully drawing her OC in twin pigtails until this obnoxiously loud girl walked up to her to admire her sketch, mistaking it for Miku Hatsune. Yongsun didn’t know who Miku Hatsune is and was feeling annoyed at this girl who speaks to her like they knew each other for 10 years now.

It was 30 minutes of the girl’s TED talk about Vocaloid and Yongsun’s eye twitching and trying to ignore the girl that the latter realised she doesn’t have Yongsun’s name yet. Yongsun’s first impression of the girl were along the words, idiot, annoying, overly-friendly and obnoxious. All things that did not describe Yongsun. Their personalities wouldn’t clash but Yongsun hated people like Moon Byulyi. She liked peace unless she was the one who instigates the chaos, but when other people were chaos bringers by nature, Yongsun slowly turns around and runs away.

But she couldn’t run away.

Not when Byulyi follows her around like a lost puppy or a chick that imprinted on her mother—no, she couldn’t run away. Not when the girl obviously liked her company and presence. And certainly not when the girl always buys her food so, no. She didn’t want to run away.

Maybe peace was chaos all along and was given to her in a form of her best friend, Byulyi.

***

First year college, foundation day was starting and Yongsun has just been informed that aside from the serenade booth they were also doing a henna booth. Yongsun wanted to complain. Just because she was a drafting major doesn’t mean she liked drawing on people. Sure, she draws really well, she considers herself both traditional and a digital artist but when it’s time to draw tattoo onto people, she didn’t want to be an artist anymore. Yongsun never accepts commissions despite needing extra money, she couldn’t, Yongsun doesn’t like being ordered around and she wasn’t good at communicating. She was straightforward and blunt but she was also callous and insensitive, traits that aren’t good for business like that.

Come to think of it, she thought her bestfriend would follow her until college. Maybe she was a tad bit disappointed when Byulyi decided to take up Information Technology, but that disappointment soon disappeared when Byulyi enrolled at the same school. So, even if they don’t see each other often, it was enough for Yongsun because seeing her sometimes is better than not seeing her at all.

She also realised she didn’t want to be her bestfriend’s classmate anymore. Three years of highschool is already enough, she doesn’t need to add another four years to that list. She didn’t want to tell Byulyi, but for some reason she wanted space away from the girl.

She didn’t tell her, because she wasn’t sure what the reason was.

It took three songs and a couple of tattoos later when Byulyi contacted her. Well, not really since it was a group message saying that the people she was meant to meet that day should text her their locations so she could find them. It was then that Yongsun felt conflicted and she could feel irritation bubbling up from inside her. So, she was going to meet other people aside from me? I thought she’s going to be spending time with me . . . wow.

Yongsun surprised herself when she thought of that. Why was she feeling so possessive all of a sudden? And most importantly why is she angry? She shook her head and shrugged the thoughts away, that thing isn’t healthy. Negative thoughts aren’t exactly Yongsun’s cup of tea, even if she looked like death, Yongsun was a ray of sunshine. At first glance you may not notice it but when you look closer, Yongsun emits happiness in all direction and that’s because she doesn’t like feeling sad, lonely and all negative things—it wasn’t welcome.

So she typed a reply to Byul, telling the girl to just skip her and meet the people she needed to see. Yongsun was feeling bitter and childish, why was she saying all that? She wanted to see her friend but then the idea of other people stealing her bestfriend’s time and attention just irks her. She doesn’t like it, and no, she will not admit that.

What? Why? Where are you?

Somewhere. But seriously, just don’t bother.

Wtf? Why?

You’re busy, aren’t you?

Wth are u talking about? . Fr tho where r u?!

Yongsun bit her lower lip and didn’t respond. Byulyi is angry. And Byulyi was never angry, so this attitude is new for Yongsun, well, maybe her irritation is a new thing too, but seeing how angry Byul’s texts to her sent shivers down her spine and she sure as hell that those shivers weren’t from fear.

Wth, fine. Suit yourself.

Yongsun didn’t want her to get mad. Realization washed over her. She made her bestfriend mad. Sure they’ve had little arguments over the years but they’ve never had a big fight before so she’s scared that maybe this time her friend would hate her and she hated the idea so with a sigh she typed a response.

I’m in front of bldg. 1

Where?

The first booth at the front

there are so many booths

Yongsun rolled her eyes at her best friend’s stupidity. She was gonna type a much more wittier reply when her eyes caught sight of a thin, paper-white figure near their booth. She’d recognise that stupid face and stupid posture anywhere even when her eyes are blurrier than an unfocused camera.

Nvm. I can see u

She saw how Byulyi snapped her head up from glaring at her phone to roaming her eyes around the vicinity only to see a smirking Yongsun from the booth in front of her.

Byulyi smirked back and suddenly Yongsun felt uncomfortable.

I just noticed . . . but does she always smile like that? She thought.

Byulyi, with her blonde hair tied up into a ponytail, white shirt tucked into her skinny jeans and that big beaming smile she always wore whenever she sees Yongsun, walked towards her like an excited kid about to play with her friend.

“Have you been singing?” was Byulyi’s first words when she finally stood half a meter from Yongsun.

The latter shrugged, pretending to be bored when in truth she was feeling nervous. But from what about? She has no idea.

“Can you sing me a few more?” the cheeky girl asked with that weird smile again.

Yongsun couldn’t say no to that smile so with a heavy sigh, she stole the guitar from Wheein and sang a song that her best friend requested. She didn’t question anything when it was, of course, a love song. It’s a normal thing, everyone sings a love song when it’s acoustic, yet Yongsun was hypersensitive about little things her best friend does today and sure, she might have an inkling why.

She blames Wheein and her friends for planting an absurd idea inside her head and now she can’t think of anything else.

***

It was in their third year of highschool that Yongsun began hanging out with Byulyi more. Mostly because the other girl is always overly-ecstatic to be with her because like last year, they were classmates again. But Yongsun never thought that the girl would still follow her around. When they were still sophomores, they both had their own respective group of friends and were only casual acquaintances much to Byulyi’s dismay. But this year, the girl had ditched her usual group to stick with Yongsun and her own group.

Not that Yongsun’s friend-group is big, nor did she even care about them, she just hung around them because she found it rude to just leave until a certain predicament allowed her to do so.

It was when her mother gave birth to her baby sister that she pulled a prank on her so-called friends by texting them that she won’t be going to school starting tomorrow because she fell ill and was admitted to the hospital—not that she entirely lied, she really was staying in the hospital but only because her mother needs her and she couldn’t really attend school tomorrow.

But then Moon Byulyi showed up in front of her, panting, like she ran from her house to the hospital minutes after she sent the prank. Yongsun was amused and guilty. She didn’t know someone actually cared enough to see if she was okay.

Of course, she mused to herself bitterly. Moon Byulyi was different. She never did anything that Yongsun expected.

Oddly enough, Byulyi wasn’t mad that she isn’t dying, on the contrary, she was glad—too glad that Yongsun was okay. The latter was immensely touched. This might’ve been the first time that she felt that someone was genuinely happy that she’s alive. That she existed; and Yongsun’s pent up and repressed negativity suddenly leaked out in a bucket of tears.

She didn’t know why she was crying. But Byulyi only frowned, her brows furrowed ever so slightly, while letting the crying girl sink into her arms. She didn’t judge Yongsun, and she didn’t ask.

It was two days after that incident she went back to school that she found out that her friends hate her for pranking them. She was confused because she told Byulyi that she was only fibbing and that she thought the girl would tell them about it.

But of course, Moon Byulyi was different.

Instead of informing them that it was just a prank she added fuel to the flame by lying that Yongsun only has a few more years and that she may not be able to continue going to school and so their friends decided to visit her in the hospital only to be met with a disappointing news that Yongsun isn’t even there and she wasn’t sick.

Of course, Yongsun mused bitterly while rolling her eyes. Moon Byulyi would ruin everything.

***

“Ack! It’s bitter!” Yongsun spat. Her face scrunched up in disgust

Byulyi chuckled while patting Yongsun’s back in comfort. “Of course it is, it’s beer, babe.”

Yongsun was about to come back with a sarcastic retort when she suddenly caught her breath. Moon Byulyi called her babe. She recounted events in her mind when Byulyi called her babe and she couldn’t find one in her brain. Which means, this is the first time Byul has ever called her with that sickening endearment. Suddenly Wheein’s words echoed inside her head; your bestfriend’s in love with you.

She ended up coughing, trying to hide her face that she was sure was as red as the cocktail she just drank. It didn’t help when her hypersensitive brain registered the fact that Byulyi was too close and is her back lovingly.

What is wrong with me? This is my best friend goddamnit! I’m so gonna kill Wheein later.

“You okay?” Byulyi asked. Yongsun raised her brows because Byulyi didn’t even make it subtle with her voice that’s thick with concern.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just went down the wrong pipe,” she answered sheepishly. Byul just hummed in amusement, watching Yongsun like she’s deciphering the other girl’s thoughts.

Yongsun refrained herself from asking do you like me? Right then and there. Patience is a virtue and she’s not sure yet if she even wanted to know the truth—if there even was something to call it truth.

She downed the whole glass of cocktail she bought in that one booth before walking away with Byulyi trailing behind her while shaking her head in disbelief.

I know, Yongsun thought. I must be driving you crazy. Because honestly, you and me both.

***

“Why didn’t you tell them it was a joke?” Yongsun confronted Byulyi one day after class. She demanded to know the answer. Obviously her friend-group suddenly ignored her and Sunmi, being the mother of all bad things, decided to call it quits and harass her in front of other people. It wasn’t so subtle when she deliberately bumps into Yongsun hard enough to send the tiny and skinny girl out of her way or when she indirectly mocks Yongsun in front of a whole crowd.

But then again, Yongsun didn’t care so she just looks up at Sunmi with a beaming grin that makes the girl’s blood boil even more. If this is bullying, then Yongsun isn’t convinced. You’ll only be bullied if you feel like you are, and as far as Yongsun is concerned, she’s not that weak to not fight back.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t think this would happen to you too.” Byulyi sighed, obviously in distress but her eyes were more scared and worried than Yongsun’s. Yongsun has always been gifted in telling when people are lying, and she can tell that Byulyi was telling the truth but that’s not the entirety of it.

“Too? Are they bullying you, Moon?” she asked. Her blood rushing in her head.

“No! I mean—it was even before that . . . and it’s not like they’re physically harassing me or anything . . . I’m fine.”

Something clicked inside Yongsun’s thick skull. It was how easy Byulyi dropped her old friends for her. I see, they weren’t all nice, huh? Yongsun decided that Byulyi lied because she wanted them to be away from the called Sunmi and it’s not like she liked Sunmi, so she didn’t care when she started sitting as far away as possible from her old friend-group and sat in another row with Byulyi following her, as usual.

She didn’t need anyone. But it was reassuring to still have a friend even when everyone was against you. It was a relief, that Moon Byulyi stayed, despite it being just the two of them.

***

Yongsun allowed Byulyi to pull her and meet their other friends even when she was adamant not to, at first. But after singing Jessie J’s Flashlight and her voice cracking at one part the same time a thunder roared, she conceded. Her other best friend, Changsub was present. He doesn’t go to the same university as Yongsun and Byulyi but he made an effort to see them from time to time, this day isn’t an exception. He liked hanging out with both of them but more so today when he sees Yongsun’s frustrated and annoyed face while watching some guy obnoxiously flirt with Byulyi.

Byulyi obviously looked uncomfortable. She was glancing at Yongsun every passing moment as if asking for her help. Yongsun just raises her brows at her, angrily munching on a bag of potato chips in her hands.

Changsub observed quietly before inquiring, “shouldn’t we help her? She seemed uncomfortable.”

Yongsun scoffs and rolls her eyes. “Yeah, no. If she really needed help she should’ve told us about that guy beforehand instead of engaging him in a very passionate chat.” She gags exaggeratedly. “Let’s just leave, we might be intruding.”

Changsub appraised his friend in amusement and chuckles to himself. “You’re jealous.”

Yongsun’s eyes widened in shock. She almost drops her chips but she remembered where she was so she stood her ground and leveled Changsub with a glare. “You’re joking.” She scoffs. “Why would I be jealous?”

“Now you’re in denial.”

“No I’m not!”

“Why are you so angry? Sheesh.” Changsub grinned. Pleased that he got this reaction from his usually bright friend.

“Because you’re so absurd! You don’t make sense!” Yongsun, driven by her anger, stomped towards Byulyi and the guy, the girl immediately brightened up upon seeing her, so Yongsun faltered for a second and whatever she wanted to tell them came out differently than expected. “We’ll go back first, just meet us at the booth when you’re done.” Yongsun didn’t look at Byul’s face but she knows the girl was disappointed. She, instead, glared at guy who visibly shivered under her intense stare before darting off and pulling Changsub away.

“You really left her there? I thought you were a good friend, Yong,” Changsub commented. Not really meaning his words.

“I am a good friend. I just hate that she always rely on us whenever things are inconvenient for her. This always happen and I just—”

“I get it.” Changsub pulled her hand that was clutching his to stop her from walking so fast. She turned around to look at his face and he gave her a small smile. “I understand.” Yongsun sighs and runs a hand over her hair. Whatever Changsub understood, she didn’t know, but it was enough to calm her down. The guy obviously knows something about her that she doesn’t and she just let it be.

That’s always been the case with Kim Yongsun. She knows everything except her own feelings.

***

It was in their senior year that Yongsun started to notice little things about Moon Byulyi. The girl was reliable but she can’t shake this uncomfortable feeling she feels whenever the girl is around her. They made other friends as well, thanks to Yongsun’s interest in people and Byulyi’s natural social butterfly effect. Byul began to be more caring, more attentive and more open with her affection for Yongsun, the girl was flustered at the gestures at first but soon ended up getting used to it. Their friends noticed it as well, even Changsub, whom they hung out with often, points out that they’re like an old married couple which they just laughs away and shrugs off.

To Kim Yongsun, those were just empty words with promises of being best friends forever. Of course they’re an old married couple, they’ll be staying together forever, right? She’ll have Moon Byulyi as her Maid of honor someday in her wedding with a beautiful and loving husband, right?

That soon crumbled to dust when the day of their graduation came and she ended up hearing Moon Byulyi, telling Sunmi “Yongsun? She’s not my bestfriend, silly.” She laughed uncharacteristically loud. “My best friend’s Seulgi.”

And suddenly, Kim Yongsun’s world shatters as well as her heart.

***

“Sorry,” Byulyi appeared after Yongsun got pulled in at the Henna booth by Wheein to help out. Turns out, Yongsun got too preoccupied in roaming around with her two bestfriends that she forgot she had work to do. She just finished engraving a butterfly tattoo on Wheein’s hand when the girl suddenly materialized in front of her. “I didn’t know that monkey would try and talk to me. It was really awkward. I dumped him but he kept on coming back—”

“He likes you?” Of course he likes you. Yongsun thought while rolling her eyes. For some reason, Byulyi was charismatic for her own good. Yongsun at first found it endearing, now she just finds it exasperating.

Byulyi blinked in surprise at Yongsun’s tone, then she swallowed a lump in . Carefully gauging her bestfriend’s reaction before calmly explaining. “I guess . . . ? I told you that before, though, don’t you remember?”

Yongsun forcefully shut her eyes as she facepalmed soundly. How could she forget? So that’s why Byul looked so pitiful pleading her to save her but instead she had left her alone to deal with that stupid scoundrel.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Byulyi asks, worried. “Don’t hurt yourself.”

“I’m sorry Byul, I don’t know what came over me. I got angry because some prick was hitting on you and I guess I hate that he was taking so much of your time when I want you to spend it with me and Changsub,” Yongsun explained without looking at Byulyi, her hand still covering her face.

Byul grinned so wide her nose scrunched up adorably which Yongsun always liked seeing. She held Yongsun’s hand away from the latter’s face and held it on her own. “It’s okay, Yong.” And Yongsun wanted to die because she realized it. Too late. She wanted to cry.

Her bestfriend was in love with her. it was real, Wheein was right. She hadn’t ask, but when someone looks at you like how Moon Byulyi looks at Kim Yongsun, there’s only one word to describe it as you melt from its intensity. Moon Byulyi, is in love with her . . . and quite possibly, Yongsun is too, but no, she will never admit that. . . maybe.

They let Changsub walk ahead of them while they walk side by side. Byulyi is still holding Yongsun’s hand and the latter wanted to so much retract hers but she couldn’t. She can’t. Not when Byul looks so happy with her touch, not when this hamster will be hurt and will continue to get hurt, but she had to try. For both their sakes, she had to.

“Byul.” She inhaled sharply, not looking at Byulyi who turned to look at her. “What do you think about liking your . . . close friend, romantically?” Byul stiffened a little, her hand accidentally squeezing Yongsun’s which the latter noticed but didn’t acknowledge. Sure, Byulyi might not be that smart but she was an empath, she knows what Yongsun feels. She always knows, she always has a way of knowing so Yong had to put more effort than usual in her poker face. Conveniently, Changsub was placed directly ahead of them so when she didn’t turn to look at Byulyi, the girl visibly deflated when she realizes that Yongsun was probably talking about her feelings for Changsub.

“Oh, well, I think as long as both parties have feelings for each other, they should try to see where it goes.”

Yongsun looked at her with her brows raised. “Won’t you be scared? What if you guys didn’t work out? What about the years of friendship? It would be ruined,” the more Yongsun reasons out, the more pathetic she feels. What exactly is she hoping for?

Moon Byulyi just shrugged and gave Yong a small smile. “You wouldn’t know if you won’t try.”

Yongsun just wanted to cry. To give in and sink into the hamster’s arms and just try. Maybe Byulyi was right and for the record Yongsun was no coward . . . but why the hell is she so scared now?

“I can’t be with my friend, if they’re too important, I can’t afford to lose them, right? But it will be inevitable, Byul-ah I can’t—I can’t.” Byulyi’s eyes were glassy, as if one more word from Yongsun and she will break, Yongsun looked too fragile and Byulyi began hating whoever that person she fell for. She gently pulled Yongsun in a hug, offering her warmth and a weak smile. “It’s okay, Yong. I understand.” Byulyi understands all too well. She understands, how scary it is to fall in love with your closest, most important, friend.

***

Senior retreat, before graduation, teachers thought it better to have wild kids go to a retreat house and wreak havoc as if it’s their first time being away from their home for just a night and two days. The first day was easy, Yongsun let Byulyi pull her around the place as if she owned the whole convent. It’s never boring with Byulyi around. Even if it’s just the two of them, Yongsun didn’t mind. No she did not mind, not when Byulyi looks so happy while recounting her childish adventures to her. Not when Byulyi shows her goofy smile with her nose scrunching up in delight like the idiot that she is. Not when Byulyi doesn’t mind that it’s just them. Just them. Yongsun and Byulyi against the world. For the first time, Yongsun saw something different in Byulyi’s gazes and it scared her. What was that? She thought. But shrugged it off the moment it came because Byulyi called her to look at the fishes in the pond like it’s her first time seeing them.

When night came, an activity was given to the class, it was to make a letter to their parents after that heartwrenching, guilt tripping, story the pastor told them. Yongsun hate retreats. Normally she was a filial daughter with rebellious thoughts but still, they didn’t have to throw it in her face that she’s somehow not free and old enough to make her own decisions. And even if she were, she’s obligated to return the favor to her parents. Yongsun thought that she’s such a useless child so she apologized to her parents in the letter she wrote. Looking around the sea of kids sniffing and sobbing, Yongsun’s emotions got the best of her too. She leaned her head towards Byulyi’s back to shield her face from other people while she composes herself. Of course, Byulyi knew. So when she settled back on her seat like nothing happened, Byulyi was handing her a letter. She looked at her in confusion but the girl just shrugged at her with a small and smug smile before returning to her own letter for her parents.

Yongsun, flummoxed, opened the letter hesitantly and carefully reads it.

Yongsun, my bestfriend, my sun,

It shouldn’t come to a surprise that I would write you a letter. You knew about how ed up and dysfunctional my family is, so when the pastor told us to write a letter to our families, the first person that came to mind was you. You’re my family, and when they said home is where the heart is, I found out that it wasn’t in my house, I found it in you. You’re the most important person in my life and no matter what happens in the future, just know that I will never leave you and choose you above anything and anyone else. That might be overwhelming for you, but just accept it, squirtle. We’re stuck forever. You’re my soulmate and I’ve known that since the first time I saw you drawing that Miku Hatsune that you still claimed to be your OC. Sure, no one here believes you, loser. Haha! I love you, Yong!

Your bestfriend

Byul.

Of course Yongsun would cry. After all that controlling her tears, how could she not cry when someone like Moon Byulyi cherishes her more than anyone else? More than her own family? How could she not cry when in her home she felt suffocated but with Byulyi she can breathe underwater? How could she not break down when Byulyi just holds her hand without even looking at her while she pours her heart out of her chest? Sure, their friends were watching them with bittersweet smiles but did Yongsun care? No. Of course not. How could she when Moon Byulyi made her cry yet made her feel so happy like she mattered the most?

***

Yongsun was crying. She couldn’t help it. The moment she stepped inside her apartment everything fell apart—she fell apart. She couldn’t breathe so she called the one person who makes her feel invincible, the one who can make her bleed a thousand times yet she’d thank her. She called Moon Byulyi.

It took her less than three rings to answer, and by her voice, Yong knew something was wrong.

“What’s wrong?” she asks.

“Nothing. My mom just called and told me to go there over sem-break.”

“Oh? What’s the problem then?”

“she wanted me to spend the whole break there, Yong. We promised to travel together by then, right?” the exasperation in Byulyi’s voice washed over Yongsun like cold shower. That’s right. They were planning to go to Jeju over break but that was made before Yongsun realized her own feelings (which she would never admit to herself) and now she’s internally panicking.

Maybe space would be good for her heart.

“Nevermind me. What’s wrong with you? You sound like you’re crying, what’s up? You okay?” the concern in Byul’s tone set her over the edge. She was ready to bawl her eyes out again but she pulled herself together. It was easier. To tell her this way. To not see her face.

“Byul, I have a question,” she began. Byulyi didn’t say anything. She just patiently waited. “If . . . If I—If I told you I like you, what—what—would you be awkward with it?”

First question and she already messed up. Yongsun was nervous. More nervous than she already is. She’s scared of getting rejected yet she’s also scared if Byul reciprocates her feelings, if that was the case? What would she do?

The silence stretches out long enough for Yongsun’s heart to break as seconds pass. So she tries again. “I—I I mean—”

“No. I won’t feel awkward. Because I like you too. For a long time now.”

Static.

Yongsun almost drops her phone, but her heart drops when she realized that Wheein was indeed right and this time she heard the confirmation.

Why did she even ask then? What was she hoping for? Isn’t their friendship done for by now?

“Wh—really?”

“Yes. I have since highschool, Yong. I always have.”

Yongsun laughed, an empty laugh. Her tears were burning on her cheeks. Why did this devastate yet made her happy as well?

“What happens now?” she asks in a whisper.

“Yong. I realized you deserve to know but nothing changes between us, right? I’m still your best friend. And we would continue to be.” She heard Byul let out a shaky breath. The girl was lying. She was lying. And Yongsun hates that because no one can lie to her. Most definitely not Moon Byulyi.

“You—and I thought I was a coward. I thought, that if I risk it now I would lose you someday but I thought “I would never lose her no matter what happens. She promised me, so why not just try and jump now?” but you’d rather we stay like this than try?” she couldn’t help how her voice gets higher in pitch as she disbelievingly accuses her best friend—whatever she is now.

“Yong . . . I can’t lose you. And you were right. We can’t fall for our best friend, right? You said that earlier when we’re at campus, and now you’re telling me you’d try? No—you can’t just try and leave when it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work like that Yong. You’re too important to me. More important than anyone else, how could you just try? I kept it for three years now and it would’ve stayed like that, but God . . . why would you develop feelings for me too?” Byulyi’s voice cracked at the end and by now Yongsun knows that the girl is crying on the other line. She was too.

“Are you ing serious, Moon Byulyi? How could I not? How could I . . . not?” she sniffs. “You can’t just shower me with love and affection like it’s the most natural thing to do then ask me why I like you. If you didn’t want me to then why the would you?!”

“Yong, we can’t talk about this on the phone, I’m coming over—”

“No. Don’t. I don’t want to see you right now.”

And before Byulyi can say anything else, Yongsun had already hang up.