“Yeah, sorry, but I don’t feel like it today.” You whined into the phone, rolling your eyes as your friends yelled loudly from the other side.

“Oh, come on…” Andrea groaned in the distance before picking up the phone herself. “Look, we’re going and you never feel like it. You know that you always end up having fun, so we’re picking you up at 8:30 and you better be ready.” Before you could push back, you were greeted by the beeping sound of a disrupted call.

            Somehow, you could never say no to her. You’d always had mixed feelings when it came to Andrea. She was fun and spontaneous and everyone seemed to like her. She just was that kind of person, it came naturally to her, but you weren’t. So being the little anxious, introverted being that you were, her presence always seemed to make you uncomfortable. Always pressuring you to live up to the standards she imposed: to be bubbly even when you did not feel like it, otherwise you’d be left with the thing that scared you most: isolation.

            So at about 7 p.m. you began browsing the clothes in your wardrobe, looking for the ones that would make you look as if you belonged with the rest of the group, because you knew they would go looking their best. About 7:30 you were already mad and ready to throw a fit because you obviously had nothing to wear. Not that your closet was empty, but there was nothing there for who you were… or at least were trying to be right then. You peaked at the clock on your wall and felt your heart skip a beat. You had to be ready in one hour and suddenly you became overwhelmed by a feeling of not giving a .

            Therefore, you grabbed a pair of washed-out, vintage, black jeans with a high waist and a white t-shirt with a high collar. You did not care for being y right then and even so, those jeans were tight in all the right places. You began putting on your make-up just like you usually did, preparing yourself psychologically for a party you did not feel like attending and by the time you were done, you already felt a lot less anxious. Putting make-up on was like meditation to you. You slipped into your favorite pair of shoes – a pair of red converse, for a splash of color, threw on your black leather jacket and grabbed your backpack before heading out the door.

“Damn girl…” Your friend Erica laughed as you were walking towards the car. “I know you don’t want people to think you’re trying too hard, but this outfit looks as if you aren’t trying at all.”

“Me not trying at all would have been me walking out in my pajamas.” You replied sarcastically, getting into the back of the car.

Just as you had expected, they all looked like a group of models: tiny, skin-tight, flashy dresses, loads of make-up and fancy looking hair-dos. Not that you had an issue with all those, but they did not look as if they were going to attend a house-party at all… until you saw the house and it all made sense. Now under-dressed was an understatement. It was a two-story house with a pool, in the rich neighborhood. No, scratch that - not the rich neighborhood. It was the neighborhood where the people the rich worked for lived in.

All of a sudden, you were not sure who, how or why you’d been invited, but it was too late to back down. You made your way shyly among the Gucci wearing people that made you feel incredibly uncomfortable and out of place; and by the looks of them, you weren’t the only one who felt that way.

“Hey!” Andrea yelled, waving at you from across the room and it was only then that you realize you’d almost gotten lost. “Let’s go get some drinks.” She invited and you sprinted her way. A shot or two would have been enough to numb down the part of your brain that was pushing you into hyperventilation. “The rest of the girls went over to the other room to play Would you rather. We should join them. Cheers!” You clicked your glasses. “We will need a long drink as well.” She said pointing you into the direction of a table filled different kinds of spirits.

“I’m counting on you, I’ll go say hi to some more people and I’ll be in the first room on the left.” She said thanking you fugitively and running out of the kitchen before you could get a word in.

“Hey Andrea!” A guy greeted just as she walked out of the kitchen.

“Jimin!” She exclaimed back and that was the last thing you’d heard before you stopped listening. You made your way towards the table and began mixing vodka and cranberry juice for her. For yourself, you were going to make your favorite cocktail: Amaretto Sour, so you began looking for lemons around the kitchen.

“It’s impossible to not have any lemons in a house like this.” You thought, looking inside the fridge. As you were doing so, you heard someone walk into the kitchen and your heart had immediately began beating faster. You hated being alone and you became incredibly nervous meeting new people – but at the same time, nobody in the world was better than you at hiding it.

            So you continued looking inside the fridge, realizing that if you spent enough time, you might not even need to socialize at all. Your ears, however, were following every sound the stranger made… up until he stopped right behind you. Your pulse was racing once more and the sudden adrenaline rush made you pick up the courage and look behind you. You grabbed a lemon and turned around to see a guy who you could tell had just been staring at your . He raised his gaze, scanning the rest of your body as he did so, and finally met yours with a cheeky, dimpled smile.

“Hi.” He said biting his lip lightly, out of reflex, but stopping suddenly when he realized it.

“Hello,” you laughed at his cheekiness. He didn’t continue, yet kept looking you up and down, so you finally broke the silence. “Can I help you?” Your voice sounding a tad too serious.

“Do you live here?” He asked giving you a questioning look. You laughed genuinely in response and then stopped abruptly.

“Yeah, sure.” You mocked pointing to your clothes. “I’m the live-in plumber.” For some reason, his presence did not make you feel uncomfortable at all. On the contrary, for the first time that night, you felt fine. The fact that he was cute definitely helped. 

            You walked past him and went about your business, squeezing the lemon into a glass. He poured himself a glass of water and then leaned back against the island behind you.

“What are you doing there?” He asked curiously.

“At the party or at the counter?” You replied making him smile. “Amaretto sour… hopefully.” You laughed, pouring some Amaretto into your glass and adding sugar. You stirred for a bit and your mouth began watering in anticipation. “Wanna taste?” You asked after adding the ice, seeing the still-curious look on the guy’s face. He nodded and you passed him your cup.

“Woah!” He exclaimed, “it’s delicious! Can I have one?”

“You can have mine.” You offered, smiling.

“I’d rather you teach me how to make it.”  He answered, pushing himself off the counter and walking next to you. “You know what they say... give a man a fish...”

“It’s nothing special, really.” You said smiling and opened the fridge’s door to look for another lemon. “Basically you…”

“Y/N!” Andrea called from outside the kitchen’s door just as you were cutting the lemon into half.

“Yes?” You asked while he looked at you curiously.

“The game’s about to start! Where’s my drink?” You rolled your eyes, but for some reason got both drinks and gave the handsome guy an apologetic look.

“It’s lemon juice, Amaretto or vodka and sugar… sorry.” You mumbled and ran out of the room, right into the other, to see about 10 people standing in a circle around a table. Was it to late to run? Unfortunately, yes.

“Yo-yo everyone!” A tall guy spoke loudly just as you entered the room. “J-Hope here, welcome welcome. So this is how we’re playing: each one of us has to ask a question in the form of would you rather ________ or _________ , then clarify to whom we are addressing the question. The person has time to think, while everyone else at the table assumes which option they will pick. The chosen one then says what they would rather and all who were wrong must drink. Ok?”

            Everyone nodded and you sat next to Andrea, handing her the drink.

“Andrea, how about you start?” Another guy asked and she clapped excitedly.

“Of course! Jimin – would you rather live without the internet or live without AC and heating?” She asked and everyone laughed before theorizing which option it is.

“Rich people dilemma.” You thought, laughing to yourself and as you looked over the table, you noticed that the guy from before was staring at you, so you smiled out of reflex and buried your eyes into the ground. Everyone began debating the (what sounded like) apocalypse and concluded with a majority voting to live without AC/heating. Predictable.

            The table went a few rounds, with you ending up barely drinking as you were so good at reading people and it was shortly Namjoon’s turn.

“Y/N,” he began and your head shot up, “would you rather die in 20 years with no regrets or die in 50 years with many regrets?”

“Uhm…” Your voice came out slightly shaky and you coughed uncomfortably.

“Definitely in 50, everyone has some regrets, but there is so much to do in life!” Andrea yelled over everyone else – she loved hearing herself speak.

“Agree.” Jimin approved and J-Hope nodded. There were a few indistinct voices leaning towards 20, but you did not know their names.

“I say 20 with no regrets.” Namjoon spoke confidently, making you smile at the ground. With him concluding the debate, you finally gave your answer.

“I’d rather die in 20 years with no regrets. What is the use of a long life filled with unhappiness? I’d rather die young and have peace.”

            There were a few disappointed groans as the losers drank from their cups, but Namjoon was smiling from the other side of the table.

“Would you rather know what happens when we die or know if there is extra-terrestrial life?” You asked, but forgot mentioning who the question was addressed to; because for a moment there, you forgot there were other people in the room. When you realized, you blurted out, “uh, Namjoon!”

            The murmur began again as people argued whether there is life after death or life outside planet Earth, but you knew the answer. You were merely testing him. You liked the fact that he began this game in between the two of you by stimulating your mind.

“What happens after death.” You said confidently when your turn came and another girl laughed loudly.

“Figures, you don’t know RM.” A tall, blonde girl with legs that seemed to go on forever, wearing a tight, red, flashy dress laughed all-knowingly from an armchair on his left. She was gorgeous, so you lowered your gaze.

“I’d rather know what happens after we die.” Namjoon answered as if having not just heard her, but you did not react. You locked eyes and waited. There was an outburst of reactions, ranging from mocking ‘I didn’t know you were that spiritual’ to frustrated ‘seriously?’ while the losers drank. “Because I know that there are other forms of life in the Universe.”

“How? Have you spoken to them?” The blond girl laughed obnoxiously, taking a sip from her glass and slapping his shoulder playfully.

“It’s ignorant to assume that a specie that hasn’t even managed to discover 100% of their own planet, let alone their solar system – is the only living creature in an Infinite universe. There are 5000 solar systems in the Milky Way alone, composed of about 100 billion planets. Of course there are other life forms.” You explained and she groaned, rolling her eyes.

“Nobody likes an insufferable know-it-all.” She mumbled despitefully, reminding you that you were an intruder after all and had apparently overstayed your welcome. Your first instinct had been to apologize, but you caught yourself in time to realize that you had nothing to be sorry for. So you smirked and grabbed your drink off the table.

“Right.” You agreed, raising your eyebrows and hands defensively. “Excuse me.” You spoke softly, slowly getting up from the couch and leaving the room in search for a quiet, deserted place, to wait until the party was over and you could finally be reunited with the comfort of your own home.

“Who invited her anyways?” The blond girl’s friend asked, laughing. “She clearly does not belong here.” Andrea sipped from her drink uncomfortably, shifting her position.

“I did.” RM answered, glaring at the two girls that were mocking you.

Originally posted by ksjknj

“And she was obviously right earlier - take it from another insufferable know-it-all.” He continued, then excused himself and left the room.

            You had finally managed to find a quiet spot by a small pool, in a dimly lit corner. There was no outdoor lightning there and the place was hidden by some tall bushes – there were only some forgotten white Christmas lights – but it had a hammock, so you laid there with your drink, stargazing. You loved to have alone, quiet time to think and theorize about pretty much everything and anything and that place was simply ideal. Right then you were questioning your own existence and why it was so hard for you to be like everyone else. Not in a “I’m so different” kind of way, but in a “I wish I could say the right thing at least once” kind of way.

            You thought about the universe, so this song called Saturn by Sleeping at Last came to mind. You were humming it, so you did not hear footsteps approaching.

“I did not manage to make it as tasty as yours,” a familiar voice interrupted the silence and you turned abruptly to see Namjoon smiling at you. “That sounded beautiful.” Not sure how to take a compliment – under pressure – you blushed and nodded. You never sang, or hummed for the matter, in front of other people.

“If I knew I had an audience, I would have tried harder.” You joked, causing his dimples to make a guest appearance.

“Can I taste it?” You asked looking at his drink and he handed it to you. You took a sip and your face changed into a disgusted grimace. He laughed. “It’s terrible. There’s no sugar in it and way too much lemon.”

“I could not hear the last part. I blame you for ditching me.” He said walking over to a chair, on your left, sat by an old table. You laughed and shrugged in response. “I haven’t asked if I can join you…” His brown eyes looked into yours just as he was going to sit.

“Uhm, of course.” You answered, taken aback by how polite he was. He finally sat and exhaled loudly, looking up to the sky. You sat in silence for about a minute, giving him a weird look from the corner of your eye. What did he want?

“So, what’s your story?” He asked out of the blue, making you turn towards him, kind of trying to figure out if he was talking to you.

“My story?” You asked and he laughed.

“Oh no, sorry, I was talking to the palm tree, but you’re free to share if you feel like it.” He teased with just the right amount of sarcasm and wit.

“I’m afraid I have none.” You laughed awkwardly.

“Oh, we all do.”

“Then I’m still trying to figure mine out. It kinda feels like I’m missing pages off of it.”

“You might be more efficient if you stopped contemplating the universe.” He laughed, making you smile as you took another sip of your drink. You offered to share yours and he poured his drink into the grass before letting you fill half of his cup.

“But what if the answer is there?” You asked. “If you are listening, I will pay you to abduct me!” You pretended to yell, your hands cupped around your mouth.

“I’ll double anything she offers.” He laughed when you let out an annoyed ‘hey!’. “What are you doing here?” The guy asked after a short pause.

“You mean on Earth or this party?” You questioned smiling cheekily.

“Baby steps – this party.”

“I honestly do not know the answer to either, but my friends talked me into it.” You shrugged.

“Into which one of them?” You laughed, impressed by how committed you both were to this witty exchange and he continued. “So where are your friends?” He asked, looking around.

“I felt like having some good company for a while.” You mumbled, having another sip.

“Were you expecting me?” You smiled, looking at the stars.

“I was talking about myself, but you were a nice surprise.” He laughed at your blunt answer and bit his lip.

“What about you? What brings you here?” You asked, looking at him from the corner of your eye. He looked handsome in the dim light. His blonde hair suited him so well and somewhere between him matching your sarcasm and the drink in your hand, you swore you felt chemistry.

“Well, it’s two things.” He replied thoughtfully. “This is where I always come to think, but I was not going to come until I saw you wandering in.”

“Me?” You asked curiously. What was so special about you? There were hundreds of dressed-up, gorgeous women all over the house and you were sure he was one of the reasons why. “Why?” You raised an eyebrow at him, genuinely confused.

“You caught my eye.” He said looking into your eyes.

“I did not mean to.” You blurted out, before realizing he was trying to compliment you. He laughed at your clumsiness.

Originally posted by jjoon

“That is specifically why.” He answered in a low, calm voice that made your heart skip a beat. “’Cause everyone’s here just getting wasted and/or hooking up and there you were, in the kitchen, looking for lemons to make yourself a drink you’d actually enjoy.” You smiled, but bit your lip and looked away. “Do you think free will exists?” He asked out of the blue and you turned to look at him once more, trying to make sure he was still talking to you.

“Uh, me?” You asked clumsily, unsure where the sudden - yet very welcomed - change of subject came from. Yet, of course he was talking to the only other person there. “Sorry, uhm… Yes.”

“So you don’t believe in destiny.” He replied thoughtfully.

“No, I do.” You answered right back.

“And how does that work? Aren’t they concepts cancelling each other out?” He asked tilting his head to the side to get a better look at you. You shifted in the hammock so that you were now facing him.

“Not necessarily. I think that our lives are shaped by both equally… Hm, let me think.” You said staring into space.  “For instance, I believe that we all are destined to be something/someone or do certain things in life. I believe that we are all born with a certain purpose, you know? It’s just my personal belief.” You added defensively, as if expecting him to ridicule you at any moment - just like most people did when you tried to have a conversation you were actually interested in. He nodded, following you with interest. “I like the idea that we are all born with a purpose. That each of our lives has a very specific meaning, that nobody else but us can fulfill. It can be something apparently insignificant or magnificent and colossal – but there is meaning in each existence. Each of us as intentional as each tree and every blade of grass.” You paused shortly to put some order into the multitude of thoughts battling in your head. “So obviously, we have no idea what that is, but it’s said that we live to achieve that purpose and then we die. Nothing about what you do in between. So there is where free will intervenes. You choose how to live your life; certainly, there is a certain path that you will keep returning to, no matter how far you wander and I believe there are certain things that are meant to happen.”

“That sounds like no matter what we do, it’s still destiny.” He said almost absent-mindedly, caught up in his thoughts.

“But it isn’t all destiny. Let’s put it that way. Let’s talk about death. So this hypothesis - that I really believe in - says that we fulfill our destiny and then die. That sounds like everything’s set in stone: no matter what, when your time has come to die, you die… regardless of your choices.” You explained patiently.

“Exactly!” He agreed.

“But you always have a choice – free will.” You were now standing in the hammock, all worked up and ready to conclude your monologue. “You can choose to not live to fulfill your destiny.”  You added, making him raise his eyebrows at the thought.

“I was honestly not expecting such a complex answer.” He laughed, but nodded as a sign of approval. “Most people would have taken the opportunity to talk about how we’re both here right now.” You laughed and he took another sip of his drink.

“Sorry, I am not a hopeless romantic. I have ceased trying to give meaning to every little thing in my life a long time ago. And though I think we met for a reason, just as we speak, someone might come looking for you and end it all right now. So then, is it worth contemplating what ifs forever, over a 10 minutes conversation?” You asked shrugging carelessly and letting out a sigh.

“Ouch.” He whined feigning hurt. “Maybe?”

“Maybe not. So we might as well just enjoy each other’s company while it lasts and…”

“Namjoon!” Just like clockwork, you were interrupted. He looked at you as if you’d just foreseen the future, so you laughed.

“He’s been calling for a while now.” You bit your lip and smiled sheepishly.

“So if I hide right now, is that destiny or free will?” He asked standing from his chair.

“What if you should go?” You asked, feeling your cheeks get rosy.

“If my destiny’s out there and this is me getting off my path… didn’t you say I’ll eventually get back there regardless?” He laughed and walked towards you. “So as the only hiding place is in the hammock… should I hide or walk out?”

            You smiled and felt your face start to burn, but you wanted him to stay so bad. So you tucked a rebellious strand of hair behind your ear and scratched your head clumsily, but eventually reached your hand out and pulled him in. The hammock was quite big, so neither of you felt uncomfortable. You were sitting side by side, looking up at the sky and talking. You talked for what felt like forever, because you’d lost track of time somewhere in between history, politics, philosophy, psychology and arts.

            You were discussing some absolutely ridiculous movie he’d seen. Some movie rated as the worst movie ever made, but he was trying to talk you into watching it as it was a masterpiece.

“Critics said that it is impossible to accidentally make a movie this bad. They say it might be genius to plan on making a movie that is the absolute worst in history.” He said, as you were wiping the tears that he’d caused by making you laugh too hard. Your tummy hurt, but you loved that feeling. He laughed too, because your laugh was contagious. There were a few minutes of silence, filled only by your laughter.

“Y/N…” He murmured as you slowly stopped laughing. You turned your face over to look at him and met his eyes. You gave him a curious look and he smiled. For some reason, you held your breath. “I am glad you came here for no reason.”

“Me too.” You said quietly, smiling. You’d both finished your drinks by that time and were feeling slightly light headed.

“I’ve never met anyone like you…” he added. “Blame it on the alcohol, but I feel as if I had you, I would need nothing more than a broke down car and money for gas and food and we’d go and travel the world.” He said, smiling to himself. “We’d sometimes sleep in cheap motels and other times in our car and we’d sit on the hood and talk until 3 in the morning about anything… And we’d be happy  and I wouldn’t’ need anything else.” He concluded, turning to face you one more time.

            Blame it on the alcohol, but you felt like crying. No one had ever told you anything like that. It was the most beautiful thing you’d ever been told and you smiled just thinking about it because sitting there with him, like that, it all felt so real and tangible.

“Say we can have a dog and I’m sold.” You said smiling sadly and shifted closer to him. “Namjoon… whatever brought us here today, destiny or free will, I am grateful for this.”

“In the end…” he replied caressing your face, “who cares what it is as long as we’re here?” You closed your eyes and breathed in his perfume and right then, you could not think of anything else than kissing him. A few seconds felt like too much before his lips brushed onto yours gently; he took his time kissing you and it all felt so intimate that time had seemed to have stopped and for a second there, you had forgotten where you were.

“Ey, Namjoon!” A voice interrupted and you both jumped away from each other. “We’ve been looking for you for hours!” You were too ashamed to look towards the entrance, but he put his arm around you and pulled you next to him.

“Aish… Is the house on fire?” He asked obviously frustrated.

“No-” The other guy responded. “But you’re the host so...”

“Then beat it. Can’t you see I’m busy?” He said pulling you even closer.

“Everyone’s gone home.” The other guy spoke and your head shot up.

“What?!” You exclaimed.

“What?” Namjoon asked calmly, giving you a curious look.

“My friends were my ride… how will I get home?” You asked starting to look for your phone only to realize you’d left your backpack in Erica’s car.

“I’ll drive you home.” Namjoon replied casually, caressing your hair.

“But you’ve had alcohol. You can’t.” You answered feeling your heart beat faster.

“Even better. Let’s sleep here and I’ll drive you in the morning.” He said snuggling closer to you and placing his head onto your chest.

“But…” You mumbled, but he placed a soft kiss on the bottom of your ribcage, making you stop.

“It’s destiny, Y/N, let it go.” He said and you could feel him smile, so you let out a big sigh and began caressing his hair.

“Fine, it’s destiny.”