❝ ‘Cause I love her with all that I am

And my voice shakes along with my hands

‘Cause it’s frightening to be swimming in this strange sea

But I’d rather be here than on land

Yes, she’s all that I see and she’s all that I need

And I’m out of my league once again ❞

 

///

 

Yujin was a pianist who had big dreams. She had been playing piano ever since she was a kid, and she believed that it was for her until the very end of the journey of her life. Nothing could take her away from her precious piano, nothing could stop her from playing at all. It was already destined for her, that was for sure. Yujin’s future — she would practice her skills even more until her fingers get broken or something, she would enhance her abilities on playing piano and other keyboard instruments, and become a professional, becoming known to the world as a great pianist.

 

That was what she wanted, that what she dreamt of, that was what she sought after crazily even when she was still a kid. She was sure already. She was ready.

 

But then, news came crashing in that made the colors of her world turn into whole gray. A phone call that made her miserable that not even her lovely piano could comfort her at all. It was something devastating that lost all of her dreams, and hopes — she lost everything.

 

It was a day before Yujin’s recital, she was practicing for the play tomorrow, alone in her room with a smile on her lips. She was content, and so excited for tomorrow’s recital because there were a lot of professional pianists that would guest into the recital, with the intent of solely watching her. It was a huge deal. If one of them would love her performance then they would take her in as their apprentice, going to train her under their wing. And that would be a big deal for a twelve year old girl with a lot of potential.

 

She was already thinking of what to say to the potential sponsors, and stuff while her fingers naturally, unconsciously slid over to press keys continuously. Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard the house telephone rang from downstairs, so she immediately stood up then dashed over to accept the call — thinking it might be her parents, that they were about to tell Yujin that they were about to go home from their work, and dropped by somewhere that was why they were going home late.

 

Excitedly, Yujin picked the call up with a chirp, “Hello,” She greeted, a small smile on her face.

 

But an unfamiliar voice greeted her back on the line, and Yujin’s smile slightly faded, and it just completely went away when the woman, who she introduced herself as one of the nurses working on a nearby hospital, informed her that her parents were there — they were engaged in a very severe car crash, and they were currently in a critical condition.

 

The nurse asked her if she was with an adult, but Yujin was alone in the house. The nurse specifically told her not to go there alone yet the young pianist immediately hung up the moment the nurse said that she shouldn’t go alone. Without even thinking, she rushed out of their house, closing the door harshly then went for her bike.

 

She could memorize the direction on the way to the hospital that was mentioned, she knew where to go. She knew the turns, and everything. She didn’t care anymore if it was in the middle of the night, and she was just riding the bike her mother gave to her on her eleventh birthday — she just rode faster. Desperate to see her parents, and she was trying not to choke on her own sobs.

 

When she got there, the nurses were surprised to see a child, crying while shouting her parents’ name. They immediately went to her, trying to make her calm down and all.

 

And when a doctor came in to tell her the sad news that both of her parents were dead, Yujin almost fainted as her world crumbled down completely. Like her life lost its all meaning.

 

Apparently, a truck lost its brake, and switched lanes out of panic — resulting in it colliding with the Ahn’s family car, instantly hitting Mr. and Mrs. Ahn who was on their way home. The truck driver was currently in the hospital, and later on, would be arrested but Yujin never got to feel angry at him even though she wanted to. She knew it was an accident, a whole accident that was no one to blame at all.

 

Yujin’s parents’ deaths were purely accidental, and she couldn’t accept that they were gone because of that car accident. She didn’t even get to greet them goodbye earlier when they went to their work because she was still busy after a long night of practicing for her recital. She almost lost her mind.

 

She was taken in by her closest adult cousin, Sooji. She was the one who took care of her after her parents died. She stood as her second parent figure, and gave her a comfortable life — she really treated Yujin like she was her own child. But Yujin wasn’t too happy, she was grateful, yes. Yujin was too miserable because of her loss.

 

Sooji was a pianist too, she was Yujin’s role model, and the one who introduced her to piano, and the one who taught her to play, and love it. She was the witness how Yujin came to love playing piano, and was also the one who witnessed how she lost the motivation to play it after the incident.

 

Yujin decided not to continue her dreams, which were crushed already after her greatest supporters — her mother, and father — left the world. And she was traumatized.

 

Because of piano, she didn’t get to spend much time with her parents anymore. She would rather play, and practice rather than talk with her parents, and ask how their days at work were. When her parents got into an accident, she was playing piano. There were a lot of times that she chose piano over her parents, and it saddened them sometimes but they still continued to support her endlessly. It really broke her heart, and guilt piled in.

 

She blamed everything on the piano, so she didn’t play it anymore. That was when the twelve year old Yujin decided not to touch the keys of such an instrument anymore, and even though the sponsors were willingly asking her personally, she refused — and childishly promised to never play anymore after that.

 

The once out-going, bright Yujin became a lot more reserved, and cold. She lost a lot of friends but she didn’t care anymore. She almost failed middle school because she was still grieving so much, and was too depressed over her parents’ loss. Sooji was so sad but she never said anything, and the former pianist knew that her cousin was getting tired of it, and Yujin was ashamed of herself, so she tried her best to at least graduate and pay her cousin’s kindness over the years soon. She couldn’t be a nuisance forever, and she knew her parents would get mad over her because she was being like that.

 

But then, when she entered highschool, everything had changed a bit. Suddenly, it started to become better again. She met new friends, they were equally passionate about music — Yena, and Chaeyeon. They knew how to play different instruments, and Yujin just fitted in right. They accepted her flaws, they remained patient even though Yujin wouldn’t share anything personal except for the fact she also loved music so much, and used to play piano.

 

And because of them and Sooji, Yujin discovered her love for the keyboard. She knew how to play but piano was her priority before. Keyboard was a little bit… rougher than piano. Piano was rather melodic, soft, and elegant. Soon enough, she decided to once again press keys, it was a little bit different than piano yet similar. She was still a little bit sensitive about playing piano, but she would try from time to time — and play Sooji’s grand piano in the apartment.

 

Her attention was stolen by the keyboard, she played for her close friends for fun. And Yujin was happy again. But she didn’t want to pursue that kind of profession anymore. She was out of the spotlight a long time ago, and she was not planning to be back in that kind of show again.

 

At the same time, she learned how to write. Since she struggled expressing her thoughts and feelings through words, she came to use writing to let it all out. And she found comfort in reading different kinds of books. So, she decided to pursue Literature when she got into college. She loved it, almost the love she had felt for playing piano, and keyboard. And her mind was set again, she wanted to be a writer or at least a Literature teacher, something like that, and her heart warmed at the thought of that. So peaceful.

 

Playing piano, and keyboard would be her passion slash hobby only. And that was it.

 

When Yujin went to college, her closest friends started to beg her to join their band because they needed someone to play the keyboard. She knew that this was her friends’ dream, to form a band, and play together but Yujin decided not to be too showy about her talent, and lay low. The others knew that she wanted it to be exclusive but they were desperate, and that they knew that the position was solely meant for Yujin anyway.

 

However, Yujin couldn’t refuse when they were practically begging after the previous keyboardist graduated, and left the band — well, Chaeyeon just got forced to get her because she was the only one who was confident enough even though she wasn’t really skilled and couldn’t do other styles. And the woman they kept recruiting since last year wouldn’t accept the offer because she was too busy, so they were left with no choice. A woman who could play keyboard was very rare so they really had a hard time finding.

 

So, Yujin joined. It was just a band anyway, it was all for fun, and to share their talents on playing instruments — make people entertained with their jams, and stuff. Well, to be honest, it didn’t really sound bad, and it didn’t also look bad because she enjoyed jammin’ with her friends, playfully playing songs when they were hanging out back then.

 

Yujin also enjoyed performing in front of a crowd even way before so it would be alright, she guessed. And it would go smoothly. She knew that.

 

Sooji was so excited when she heard that, and even attempted to buy her an expensive keyboard but Yujin already got one, she bought one for herself using her own money. Sooji was so proud, and Yujin was also proud of herself because she was slowly getting better, and that her cousin was starting to get even livier.

 

When Yujin entered Jangmi College, she set a better expectation because she wanted it to be different from middle school, and highschool. She wanted for everything to be better, and somehow, it became a lot better indeed. The teachers were so nice to her, always praising her too, and well, unfortunately — she earned quite a little of popularity because of her good-looks and intellect. And also because, apparently, people here always liked students who gave off mysterious aura — that was according to Yena. And she knew she would gather more attention once she started performing with the band.

 

Now that she was finally an official member of IZ, Chaeyeon said that she would instantly join the music club of the school. Yujin didn’t mind it much, but she was anxious about meeting new people. She was out-going before, yes, but since she became too introverted, she got used to it — she was slightly wary of people, and rarely opened up. Yena, and Chaeyeon took a lot of time just so Yujin would be comfortable, and loud around them.

 

So, when she went to the club, she was putting up her usual cold exterior. She wasn’t really in the mood to socialize too, like for real — she already earned another two friends: Hyewon, and Yuri, her other bandmates, and she was drained. Yujin knew she was just doing it all for her close friends.

 

And well, Yujin wasn’t really a believer of love at first sight. She was a hopeless romantic though, and despite her popularity among boys, and girls — she still hadn’t experienced being in love or just dating. She avoided people a lot before, remember? And she wasn’t simply interested.

 

But the moment her eyes landed on the beautiful woman sitting at the far right corner of the club room, staring right back at her with curious sparkly orbs, foxy eyes sharply glued to her that made Yujin shiver. Her chest felt tingly, and warm, she was in awe. She had never seen someone so beautiful like that woman right there, that it made her heart flutter uncontrollably.

 

She thought she liked boys, but sure, she also found girls cute. However, that woman with fox-like eyes, her new clubmate — just seriously made her heart move, and made her feel foreign things that she started to feel terrified because it was too new to her, and it really took her aback.

 

Again, Yujin wasn’t a believer of love at first sight.

 

But yet, she still got caught in it. She felt it. She knew that deep inside her. And she was scared of it, because one stare could already make her feel thousands of emotions. And it was their first meeting. It was really something. It wasn’t strange, rather, it felt so nice, and fluttery — but it was unwelcomed. She didn’t like it at all because she knew exactly what could happen soon.

 

The feel of it, yes, she was loving it unconsciously but the thought of it? It made her feel a little bit sick. She was not liking it at all. She wanted to run, everything was too unfamiliar to her, and it was freaking her out.

 

And she was already aware, when their gazes met again that very day after Yujin introduced herself and when everything faded into a black background, and that woman was the only thing she could see in her sight — she got caught into a web that she, for sure, wouldn’t be able to escape at all.

 

///

 

❝ It’s her hair and her eyes today

That just simply take me away

And the feeling that I’m falling further in love

Makes me shiver but in a good way ❞

 

Yujin tried to sort out these feelings she was currently harboring for her beautiful clubmate — who she later on learned named Kim Minjoo. The name was so beautiful, fitting for someone who had a goddamn face like that, like it was sculpted by the gods themselves. It was unfair, she was Aphrodite herself — or no, her greatest rival or something.

 

And those feelings she tried to deny, and ignored blossomed into something even more when she gradually learned a lot of things about Minjoo — like how kind-hearted she was, like how she was one of the fairest women to ever exist, like how she was so soft-spoken, and calm all the time. And so much, much more qualities Minjoo possessed, be it bad or good — Yujin came to learn, and love them all, and she didn’t even notice it.

 

And goodness, she also knew how to play piano, and was good at it too! She was the person Chaeyeon was trying to recruit to the band as the keyboardist but Minjoo kept refusing, and all because she was too busy, and other reasons. Bloody hell. She was so attractive, and getting more, and more attractive each day.

 

Minjoo was a friendly person, and she was close with every club member except for Yujin. And okay, this was solely Yujin’s fault though.

 

Well, mayhaps — Yujin tried to avoid Minjoo at all costs. She was practically ignoring her, pretending that Minjoo didn’t exist at all, and acting too coldly, snobbish around her. When Minjoo introduced herself, Yujin just nodded at her then turned away because she was panicking, alright? She was lost on what to do, so she did what her instinct told her to do: push the woman away.

 

Kim Minjoo was dangerous, she wasn’t very good for her heart, and whole-being. Yujin couldn’t even stand to be near the journalism major because whenever they were six feet apart with each other, Yujin could feel her heartbeat’s pace quickening. And Yujin felt dizzy whenever she could smell Minjoo’s perfume, it was mixed vanilla and jasmine, it smelt so good that the former pianist was scared she would scoot closer, and sniff Minjoo like a dog or something.

 

Yujin was just glad she was good at managing her own self-control. Or else, she might’ve confessed on the spot, and told Minjoo what the hell she was feeling for her. It was slowly driving her mad, really.

 

She couldn’t even sleep at night peacefully because she was thinking of how godly Minjoo’s smile was. It was blinding, and so beautiful that Yujin couldn’t help but for her subtle stare to linger for a bit, her jaw almost dropping at the wonderful view.

 

Whenever Minjoo’s laugh filled the room, Yujin’s heart would grumble, and then a familiar warmth would spread through her whole being that would instantly make her bite her lower lip to suppress a smile. Her heart would always be wild inside her chest, just one glance from Minjoo. She would look away almost immediately though before she could even catch her gaze, Yujin couldn’t afford to stare back at those alluring foxy eyes.

 

It was getting worse, actually. The first few months were simply bearable but it slowly started to get really serious that she wouldn’t deny that she liked Minjoo, in that kind of way, and she was too much of a coward. And there was also the time where the staring started. She could feel Minjoo’s eyes on her.

 

Of course, Yujin could feel the older woman’s stares, always boring a hole in the back of her head, or side of the head. It was burning her. And Yujin couldn’t calm down, and focus much whenever she could feel the pair of honey orbs glued on her. She just looked like she was not minding it, she was pretending she couldn’t feel it at all.

 

At first, Yujin knew that Minjoo was just simply observing her, that she was curious but the stares didn’t really go away even after a few months — instead, the intention of Minjoo’s stares became unknown to Yujin for a while, she didn’t want to assume that it might be admiration but she knew that it was something pure, and pleasant, not hatred.

 

Well, sometimes, the stares were pure sadness, and confusion, or longing. Yujin was just an idiot, she always beat herself for it. She usually got those stares from Minjoo whenever the latter was trying to make a conversation with her but Yujin would not answer, remaining cold, and ignorant but deep inside she wanted to burst all the time. It was hard to see Minjoo being hurt because of her snobbish action towards her, the older woman probably thought that Yujin hated her since she wasn’t acting like this to anyone except for her.

 

Sorry, really, Minjoo — Yujin was a huge coward, and a whole idiot who couldn’t even hold her feelings, and all. She was just afraid of the outcome, she wasn’t experienced, and she was too lost. She was too shy to seek help, so she tried to sort it out with herself but failed obviously, because for a year of not figuring it out herself, Yujin ignored Minjoo.

 

Sometimes, Yujin tried, you know? Try to talk with Minjoo, and show her that she didn’t hate her at all for no reason. But whenever she tried, she would back out before she could even start. It seemed like she was meant to malfunction whenever she went closer to Minjoo.

 

Minjoo was too unreachable.

 

Maybe, it was meant to be this way. Just Yujin liking Minjoo, secretly. She thought of it a lot of times. Minjoo… well, Minjoo was Minjoo. Like Yujin said, Minjoo was a bright person, who was always kind, and humble to everyone. She was so nice that one could mistake her for an angel. And Yujin… she was a scarred former pianist who couldn’t get her up.

 

Yujin didn’t deserve Minjoo, and Minjoo needed someone better than someone like her. Minjoo was very out of Yujin’s league. Minjoo was too good to be true, she was meant to be with someone who could treat her like a princess, like a real queen.

 

That was what she thought, and she strongly believed it. So, Yujin stayed low, not doing anything at all, and left her feelings unattended, growing even more.

 

Maybe next time, when Yujin wasn’t a coward anymore, and start talking with Minjoo — when Yujin wouldn’t ignore Minjoo, and she wouldn’t pretend that she didn’t even exist — when Yujin was brave enough to tip her chin up, and meet Minjoo’s sharp gaze, and finally stare back with the same intensity.

 

Next time. Maybe.

 

“Yujin! Go with us to the clubroom~” Yena’s voice entered her ears, snapping Yujin back to Earth then turned to the older woman with a curious look. The younger woman stopped writing on her notebook, letting out a sigh as she closed her notebook, and then placed it inside her bag before going with her best friend who was happily whistling while they walked together towards the clubroom — where there was a big chance that Minjoo was there too.

 

Yujin fixed her fringes, instinctively, when she thought of Minjoo being in the same room with her. And her face went gloomy when she realized she wasn’t there to look good for Minjoo… but to ignore her the whole day. Hng. Yujin really .

 

When they entered the room, it was full of laughter, and all. Minjoo was with her friends, gossiping about something Yujin didn’t know. And as she walked over to the other table where the rest of the club members were, her eyes stayed on Minjoo the whole time, and used the fact Minjoo didn’t notice her entrance as an advantage to stare, this was her turn to stare (the older woman always stared at her whenever she got inside the room until she was settled on her seat, then a few minutes, Yujin would feel the stare again).

 

Minjoo’s beige hair was down today, cascading past her shoulders like a waterfall, it was shiny, and smooth — and so soft, Yujin badly wanted to run her fingers through those smooth locks, and watch Minjoo’s relaxed face turning into a sleepy expression. The thought was so domestic that it made Yujin blush a bit. Those kinds of thoughts were too often to enter her mind. Well, this was the closest thing she could be with Minjoo — through her thoughts, and dreams. Sheesh, if she wasn’t just a coward who always thought lowly of herself…

 

Enough of Yujin, and her self-loathing session. Yujin saw how Minjoo’s eyes turned into beautiful crescents whenever she smiled ear to ear, and whenever she let out her girly, calm giggle. It was a heart-warming sight, really. It felt so sweet, and just everything nice. Her heart would rattle inside her chest so harshly.

 

That was one of her favorites about Minjoo, her charming smile that never failed to move her heart, to make her feel… too much. Too much that it was so bad. Her smile was one of the best, and Christ, sometimes, Yujin couldn’t even help but to bite her lips, hard because she wanted to smile with her too, and know the reason why she was smiling so brightly like that. And most importantly, the desire to be the one who could make Minjoo smile like that intensified even more. It felt so greedy, but at the same time, it felt so right, and possessive. Oh, to be the reason for Minjoo’s blinding, attractive smile. But she couldn’t.

 

And it was like… she was falling, and falling deeper into a pit of never-ending abyss but in a good way. She couldn’t escape. She couldn’t run. She was just letting herself freely fall in there, and enjoy the warmth, and darkness.

 

Minjoo’s laugh hit her ears, and Yujin shuddered at the sound the older woman made. Was that the sound you would hear when you enter the gates of heaven? Most likely. Yujin could listen to it everyday, and all the time. There were butterflies in her stomach. It was a lovely feeling.

 

With that, Yujin looked away, hiding a smile that she couldn’t hold anymore.

 

///

 

❝ All the times I have sat and stared

As she thoughtfully thumbs through her hair

And she purses her lips, bats her eyes, and she plays with me

Sittin’ there, slacked-jaw and nothing to say ❞

 

Seriously, Minjoo wasn’t the only one who always stared secretly. Yujin had always done so. But the difference was just Minjoo never noticed it nor caught her even once. Yujin’s instinct was just very fast, she knew when Minjoo would turn her neck to her direction, and she could sense it if the older would avert her eyes filled with longing away from Yujin.

 

Yujin sometimes wondered why their gazes rarely met, but then, that would be for the better anyway.

 

Although, rarely, Yujin would unpurposely meet Minjoo’s eyes whenever her guard wasn’t up but the younger woman would smoothly turn her gaze away after recovering from the slight shock, and she needed a lot of strength to look away because seriously, it was so hard to avert her gaze.

 

Was Yujin just that good at avoiding people’s eyes? Well, she wasn’t fond of eye-contact anyway, especially with Minjoo — she might just fall into her knees. Staring right back at people always made her nervous, it felt so awkward, and all. And she was scared that Minjoo might read something in her eyes at that very moment.

 

Well, Yena caught her once, before. And she thought she was glaring at Minjoo for no exact reason, and nagged her not to be too cold around the journalism major, and finally be friends with her. Also, Hyewon, which wasn’t surprising because that woman was also observant of her surroundings sometimes. She confronted Yujin when she caught her staring at Minjoo a few times, and pushed her to just talk with her.

 

Sometimes, she would space out because she was staring at Minjoo too much across the room while she was talking with her friends, or doing her schoolworks, and a lot whenever Minjoo ever played the guitar, or piano. Minjoo would sometimes ask Hyewon to teach her to play some songs that she was having trouble with on the guitar, and sometimes, she played the old grand piano displayed in the corner of the music room.

 

Honestly, in those kinds of moments, Yujin savoured the sight as always because Minjoo looked very beautiful, and gorgeous whenever she played the instruments happily, and passionately. It always awakened something inside of Yujin that was extreme, and hard to ignore. The feeling of falling further in love, most probably.

 

There were times she wanted to look away, to avoid falling harder but she was just in awe that she couldn’t move her eyes away from Minjoo even just for a moment. It was just majestic.

 

The best time to stare Minjoo was whenever Yujin spotted her alone, and distracted with her schoolwork. Yujin would call it, luckiest day. Well, lucky day was whenever she got to see Minjoo. It was like the highlight of her day or week. Just seeing Minjoo could make Yujin’s bad day turn upside down, to a better one. Seeing her smile was just a big bonus, it would make her feel extra better.

 

Once, Yujin went to a coffee shop on a weekend, and much to her luck, Minjoo was there — sitting on one of the vacant tables, typing away on her laptop while papers scattered around her table, and three coffee cups with two empty plates. It said enough that she probably spent her whole day there at the shop.

 

Carefully, and discreetly, Yujin went to one of the tables after she ordered an iced americano for herself, a spot where Minjoo’s line of sight would block her but Yujin would get the best view of Minjoo doing her own stuff.

 

Geez, she looked like a creepy stalker but well, she was just simply admiring, worshipping, and observing innocently, with no bad intent to harm Minjoo or to make her uncomfortable. It was just… quite a sight. So, Yujin let herself get comfortable on her seat, sipping on her coffee as her sharp eyes remained glued to the busy Minjoo.

 

Minjoo was nibbling on her lower lip while wearing a frown on her face, looking a little bit annoyed at the report she was writing for one of her subjects, most probably. She moved her right hand away from her keyboard of her laptop then slid her fingers through her soft brown locks. Yujin could feel a pang of jealousy, she wanted to do that for Minjoo too — fix her hair, her hair.

 

She then started to play with the tips of her hair, suddenly pacing out as her free hand hovered above the keyboard of the laptop. Her luscious natural pink lips suddenly pressed together, tight, and on her bottom lip. Yujin’s eyebrow twitched a bit, eyes staring intently on the older woman’s lips that made dry up, and her own bottom lip out of embarrassment that her eyes landed on that part.

 

Minjoo’s jaw slackened, a little bit furious as she blinked in disbelief while staring at the screen of her laptop — then started to press the backspace key continuously in a harsh manner before taking a huge gulp from the third cup of coffee. Yujin waited for her to stand up or just move but no, Minjoo just sat there still, looking frustrated over her report that made Yujin want to go over there, and help her.

 

The literature major stared until she was just sipping her left-over ice on the cup. Minjoo started to tidy up her things not long after that, and stood up, walking to the exit after thanking the staff with her usual polite, gentle smile. And Yujin jumped from her seat to follow the older woman — no, she wasn’t stalking, okay? She was just curious if Minjoo was going home or what.

 

Yujin just went back to her own home when she finally saw Minjoo rushing over to catch up the bus, and saw that the woman was already sitting on one of the seats with a relieved expression on her face.

 

She was asking herself why the hell she did that. Well, it was reassurance on her part that Minjoo would walk safely. With a beauty like that, Minjoo would be an easy target for some lingering creeps. Yujin wouldn’t risk it, it was better to be safe rather than regret it. Besides, she had nothing to do anyway.

 

When she got home to her own apartment, Sooji was there, already making herself some tea — Yujin already went to live on her own when she reached eighteen, plus, Sooji had a husband now so it would be inappropriate to live with them, and all, especially that they were planning to have kids soon.

 

Her older cousin asked how she was, and if there was anything interesting happening in her life right now. Also, teasing her that she should get herself a lover now so she wouldn’t be too lonely, and stop acting like a bitter teenager. Yujin just snorted at that.

 

Of course, Yujin didn’t tell Sooji about Minjoo. Not sooner. No. Sooji might be able to push her to confess to Minjoo in no time.

 

///

 

Yujin wasn’t a very jealous person at all. Minjoo just really awakened that green monster inside of her. Not that she blamed the woman for being beautiful, god damn it — Minjoo was too beautiful so of course, a lot of people liked her. Even though the journalism major was oblivious of her popularity, everyone around her knew how famous she was among the students — be it boys or girls.

 

At first, it took Yujin by surprise. She saw that some guy asked Minjoo out in broad daylight, and in the hallway, for god’s sake! With the flowers, and chocolates. Yujin almost marched down, and dragged Minjoo away from that man — probably smack the flowers away from the guy’s hold then step on it for good measure. But Yujin wasn’t too brave to do that.

 

And when Minjoo rejected him, and walked away in a hurry because she was desperate to go to the bathroom — Yujin threw a devilish smirk at the guy who was being comforted by his friends at the corner of the hallway, as if it was to say, “Good for you. You can’t have Minjoo.” And the guy got the message very well, just cowering under Yujin’s piercing dagger look.

 

But everything went even worse when Hwang Hyunjin entered the scene. Yujin was not amused even by a bit upon the guy’s arrival in Minjoo’s life, well, again — because she learned from Yuri that they were childhood friends. She didn’t even like the sound of that even more. Even though Hyunjin was a nice guy, Yujin didn’t like him around Minjoo all the time. It was turning her into something even worse, and always green-eyed whenever she stared at them angrily. It didn’t really help that they were so close, to the point Minjoo really ditched her other friends to hang out with that guy a lot. She rarely came to the clubroom anymore, and Yujin would spot Minjoo later on, with Hyunjin — smiling, and laughing with each other as they walked side by side.

 

Yujin didn’t know when it all started but after that day they jammed in the school grounds after class… Yujin already noticed that Minjoo became a lot more distant, and she didn’t stare longer anymore — instead of longing, and admiration, Minjoo would glance at her like she hated Yujin. She barely gave Yujin attention, and the latter wasn’t so used to it.

 

After the day Jang Wonyoung from the Fashion Designing Department confessed to Yujin in front of people — it all definitely started that day. Yujin realized that Minjoo was there, watching, and probably witnessed Wonyoung’s confession. And after she talked with Wonyoung and went back, she couldn’t see Minjoo anymore. It worried her a bit but at the same time, her heart rattled in joy, and distress knowing that Minjoo might’ve gone somewhere because she was either jealous or hurt or both. But Yujin didn’t know that it would change something.

 

Yujin rejected Wonyoung though! She couldn’t date someone else who she didn’t like at all, especially that she was currently hopelessly in love with someone. She wasn’t too heartless, and she wasn’t that desperate to shrug Minjoo away from her to the point she would use another person.

 

Yujin didn’t like that Minjoo looked at Hyunjin a lot, and whenever she did, she was always smiling. She didn’t like it at all that Minjoo’s attention was all on the guy now. And she was completely in despair because of it.

 

Partly, it was her fault, anyway. This was the result of her bad choices, and she needed to accept that Minjoo would soon find someone better than Yujin, and fall for that person. The strongest candidate of the moment was Hyunjin, and he was slowly taking Minjoo away from her.

 

It hurt her. She was bitter, and so jealous that she couldn’t help but to sulk. That was the only thing she could do anyway: sulk about Minjoo and Hyunjin’s growing friendship that might bloom into something more. And Yujin was witnessing it happen gradually, and not doing anything at all.

 

She really had the audacity to sulk, and be petty about it when she was literally letting it happen. She even distanced herself even way further from Minjoo because she was upset with her. Okay, she knew that was so pathetic of her, and she didn’t have the rights at all!

 

Maybe it was for the better, even though obviously, they were both hurting. Hyunjin would probably make a better lover than Yujin. And he made Minjoo happy, unlike Yujin — she just brought Minjoo sadness, and heartaches because of her stupidness. Gaah, ignoring the person you love who also loves you back. To everyone, that was a dream come true but to Yujin, she was treating it like nothing.

 

Yujin must be really insane.

 

But Minjoo was never on her level, Yujin was on the lower one. Like she said before, Minjoo was too out of her league, and she didn’t deserve the older woman at all. She couldn’t even properly give her back the love Minjoo was giving her. Then how the hell Yujin would treat Minjoo perfectly. She would just ruin everything, ruin Minjoo. And that was the least thing she wanted to happen so she created a distance, and more distance.

 

The moment Minjoo brought Hyunjin to the clubroom, parading him happily like she was his proud girlfriend was the last straw. Yujin couldn’t bear the pain that she wasn’t even being subtle that she hated to see the both of them, she couldn’t control the glares, the scoffs, the huffs, the cold shoulders — nope, she was so done. She was flaming in jealousy, and pain to even care.

 

From then on, Yujin started to spend even more time with Wonyoung — well, even though she rejected her before, they decided to be friends instead. Since she was distancing herself from Minjoo, it was rather a nice idea. Even though she knew that Minjoo got even more hurt. Damn it, why couldn’t she just make good choices for herself?

 

This was her first love but she was ing it all up.

 

Out of frustration, Yujin started to play piano often again — to convey her feelings, to let those frustrations out. This way, she would feel better somehow. Still, she found comfort through playing that instrument. She would even sing her heart’s out, singing a sad song that she could perfectly relate to while thinking of Minjoo, and her heart aching, yearning for her.

 

One day, Yujin played her piano while singing a very gloomy song after she saw Hyunjin, and Minjoo earlier that day together, with Minjoo’s arm linked around Hyunjin’s buffed one. It was a slap to the face, really. And she just wanted to burst, or bury herself alive.

 

When she finished playing, she heard a clapping sound behind her that made her flinch — right, she wasn’t alone, Sooji visited her. “Wow, you really played, and sang so well.” She praised, and that made Yujin blush, turning away from her cousin.

 

Muttering a small, “Thanks.” Yujin gently closed the cover down to the keys, and they both were engulfed by silence. The younger woman was awkward, didn’t know what to do, and was embarrassed that she was caught singing a song that was for her crush.

 

Sooji sat beside her on the stool, forcing herself to be with Yujin despite the small size, and they had to fit in. Yujin just hissed at her but the older woman didn’t mind her. “You were emotional. When you played, when you sang — it was full of feelings, and emotions, Yujin. I can tell.” said Sooji, her voice was as serious as her expression.

 

Gulping, Yujin just shook her head with a scoff, and rolled her eyes. “No, you are mistaken, Sooji-unnie. I was just simply playing, and singing,” defended Yujin, lying through her teeth. It wasn’t just simply playing piano, and singing a song. Sooji knew her well, and Yujin was sure she didn’t buy it all — Yujin pursed her lips when Sooji just gave her a knowing look.

 

“Singing for someone?” Sooji asked instead, completely ignoring her. Yujin looked away, caressing the lid with her fingers, her eyes downcast. “You don’t need to lie, you know. You can tell me everything, Yujin. I raised you so I can tell if something is wrong with you. I noticed it before but I let you be, and tried to wait for you to open up to me first… but today, when I watched you sing and play that piano with full of sadness — I just couldn’t take it anymore. You looked so heartbroken… and sad, Yujin…” added Sooji with a defeated sigh, and it made Yujin’s shoulders tense. Of course, Sooji knew something was wrong with her.

 

Yujin knew she could trust Sooji, she was the only person she trusted fully — she was Yujin’s closest person, and she could even offer good advice, and that was the main reason why Yujin was too reluctant to open up. Sooji was good at giving out wise words, and helpful advices that Yujin was afraid that she would embarrass herself because of her stupid thoughts, and choices.

 

So, in the end, Yujin told Sooji about Minjoo — she told her cousin how that woman made her feel everything good and bad. She told everything about Minjoo, how her eyes turned into little crescents that always made Yujin feel so swoon, and just simply everything. She also told Sooji that there might be a chance that Minjoo liked her, and also hesitantly revealed that she wasn’t planning to do anything with it at all, and let that be.

 

Sooji listened to her rambles with a smile on her face, especially when she described how Minjoo made her feel, and described what Minjoo was. Her smile even went wider when Yujin revealed Minjoo had also liked her somehow but that smile faded away quickly before she could even ask what was wrong because Yujin shared her thoughts, and all things Sooji deserved to know.

 

The older woman was taken aback, but she didn’t react too harshly, and didn’t say anything until Yujin stopped talking about how unworthy, and broken she was to be a good lover towards Minjoo, and that Minjoo was too unreachable, and Yujin didn’t deserve someone like her at all. As expected, Sooji didn’t like it at all very well — not the part where she wouldn’t tell Minjoo that she felt the same the whole time but the part Yujin was doubting her worth.

 

Let’s just say that Yujin got an earful.

 

“Seriously, Ahn Yujin? Because of those thoughts? It’s not even true, Yujin. You are worth it, you are not broken — you might be scarred but it doesn’t mean it would stop you from being happy with someone. You are someone who deserves everything nice after you’ve gone through.”

 

“And shut up, undeserving, really? Who said so, yourself? How dare you say that. No one can say if they are deserving, and undeserving to someone — especially if you’re not even trying yet. You can only say if you are undeserving if you’re hurting Minjoo while you’re trying. You’re not even doing anything, how the hell could you tell you wouldn’t be good for her? Minjoo wants you too. It will work. Just try, and be the best that you can be.”

 

“Don’t be such a coward, Ahn Yujin, and freaking get that Minjoo girl already! She sounds so lovely that I will kill you if she won’t be your girlfriend soon! And be happy, Yujin…”

 

It was like a slap on the face. Yujin was really ashamed of herself for contemplating like this for too long. She was guilty that she hurt Minjoo for a long time. She was so angry with herself that she was too doubtful, of course, silly Ahn Yujin. Why not try? Rather than regret it. In that way, she would know.

 

There was still a chance to make it up to Minjoo, there was still enough time to show Minjoo that she also felt the same, there was still a lot of time to be better, and brave around Minjoo. She needed to make Minjoo happy, she needed to show Minjoo that she was deserving enough, she needed to reach Minjoo.

 

“How?” asked Yujin like a guilty, sad puppy but there was a flame of hope inside her chest. Sooji grinned at that, leaning closer to whisper something.

 

“How about sing her a song?”

 

Yujin liked the idea but it might be too soon to confess, so she decided to not admit her feelings sooner. She knew she was running out of time, maybe, and Minjoo could be falling for Hyunjin even more but Yujin was not really ready, and she needed to prepare a bit.

 

So, Yujin’s subtle confession that day when she played the piano while singing, it was completely unplanned. Yena just begged her to play, and make her sing something, and Yujin agreed with a shrug because she wanted to do it also — Minjoo wasn’t present there anyway, so maybe, she could sing something… meaningful to her, and to Minjoo.

 

She was singing brightly, and confidently, and pressing the right keys — and everyone’s attention was on her. She was feeling it, after all, the song made her emotional because she could relate to it so much — it felt like the song described her and Minjoo’s story very well. And unsurprisingly, it became her favorite.

 

But when her eyes fluttered open, and roamed her eyes to the room to smile at her friends — her eyes met a familiar pair of orbs that instantly made her heart freeze out of surprise and slight panic. It was Minjoo, watching her intently with sparkles in her eyes. Even so, she continued on — still playing the piano smoothly while singing with the same passion — surprisingly, she got the courage to not break eye-contact at all, suddenly too desperate to confess, and reveal everything. She was tired of hiding, and keeping the feelings all to herself when she knew it was mutual all along.

 

She looked away for a moment to collect herself, then slowly stared back again with a rather more confident, determined gaze.

 

Yujin wanted to be happy. And she wanted to make Minjoo the happiest by trying to be deserving for her, while trying to be the right person for her.

 

And that was when the window to her soul opened, she was no longer concealing it from now on. So, she sang. She sang with full of feelings and passion, pouring her utmost feelings, hoping that Minjoo would get the message through the song while staring right back at her with the same intensity.

 

❝ ‘Cause I love her with all that I am

And my voice shakes along with my hands

‘Cause it’s frightening to be swimming in this strange sea

But I’d rather be here than on land

Yes, she’s all that I see and she’s all that I need

And I’m out of my league once again ❞

 

She sang the lines to Minjoo, not breaking the intense eye-contact that would reveal everything to the world, to Minjoo, that she was singing for her. Until the very end, Yujin stared at her lovingly, and almost too desperately.

 

Minjoo’s eyes glimmered as Yujin stopped singing, and stopped pressing the keys. For a moment, Yujin saw the universe in Minjoo’s eyes that held a small light of hope, and the other people in the background disappeared as her sight solely focused on Minjoo who was wearing a shocked, confused look — it meant that the message was sent successfully.

 

Yujin wanted to give her a smile, actually, but Yena and the others started to cheer loudly, and flocked over her, which made her turn her attention to them. She bit her lower lip. She indirectly confessed her feelings for Minjoo just now, and she didn’t know what to do.

 

Her heart was beating erratically, and tried to smile back at the others who kept showering her praises, and all. She turned her head a bit, and searched for Minjoo’s eyes, and Yujin found that the older woman was still standing still on her spot — staring at Yujin with her lips pursed, and her eyes… her eyes were confused, and Yujin knew she had to move before things got even worse from there.

 

She already promised to herself, to Sooji, to the universe — that she should be brave.

 

And so, she finally stood up from the stool, and ignored the others. The former pianist prodigy then stepped off the platform then slowly padded towards Minjoo, who was still staring back at her — she also looked desperate like Yujin. When the taller woman was close enough, two steps close — towering over Minjoo that made her look down at her so their eyes would be able to meet. She didn’t even realize that Minjoo’s height was just a perfect match for her height because the older woman could lean her head on Yujin’s shoulders perfectly.

 

And wow, Minjoo was rather more beautiful up close, really. It took her breath away, and she was afraid she wouldn’t be able to form words to say that well because she was too busy gay panicking, and malfunctioning because of Minjoo. Also her perfume, damn, Yujin felt pleasantly dizzy again. She wanted to throw up, and the beating of her heart inside her chest was too wild, Yujin thought that it would escape from inside her.

 

Minjoo waited for her to say something first, holding the eye-contact. And with one last deep breath, Yujin finally said the words that were almost stuck at the back of , “Minjoo, let’s have a talk. Privately.”

 

Yujin then walked away, walking past Minjoo who was frozen for a few seconds before the older woman collected herself then also followed the former pianist silently, leaving the others confused and dumbfounded at the sudden interaction but Hyewon just smiled secretly, continuing to sip on her juice while staring at the door where the two went out.

 

Soon enough, Yujin found herself alone with Minjoo at the secluded part of the hallway. It was deserted because the classes had already ended an hour ago, and people rarely went to that part of the hallway. It offered enough privacy, thankfully. And they could talk peacefully there.

 

Yujin got some drinks for herself and Minjoo from the vending machine nearby then handed an apple juice to the other woman (she noticed that Minjoo loved apple juice because it was always the one she drank except for water and coffee). She then leaned on the wall, staring at Minjoo who was sitting on the bench, still not opening her drink at all and was just caressing the bottle while chewing on her bottom lip nervously.

 

It seemed like she wasn’t the only nervous one here, Yujin thought with a small smile before taking a sip from her soda.

 

The afternoon was peaceful, and silent. Orange hues were already engulfing the blue skies, and it was a sign that it was getting late, and soon — it would turn dark. Cricket noises could be heard around, and that was the only thing that was preventing the awkward silence between them to cover them fully.

 

Yujin was still trying to get courage, sipping on her soda absentmindedly while staring at Minjoo, who she didn’t even notice, was hanging her head down low even further, her long beige hair cascading, and covering her face like curtains to the glass window.

 

“For a year, and more… you ignored me. And now, you want to talk to me privately? For what?” Minjoo was the first one who broke the silence, her voice was low, and it was almost a whisper.

 

Yujin’s face fell, pausing while sipping on her drink, then slowly lowered it down from her lips as her attention was finally on Minjoo again, solely. She noticed that Minjoo was wearing a very frustrated, and confused expression on her face, and because of that sight — the former pianist’s heart also fell into her stomach. She didn’t like how Minjoo looked so… incredibly confused, like she didn’t know what to think.

 

“I, well,” stammered Yujin, awkward, and guilty. She was also uncertain of what to say to Minjoo, should she be straightforward or something? It was making her tense even more. But before she could even think of the right words she would use for her explanation, Minjoo spoke again.

 

Lifting her head up to meet Yujin’s gaze, the latter flinched a bit because she was glaring at her. And herself! Minjoo’s eyes were full of tears, it was probably out of anger, confusion, and frustration. Oh no. This was what Yujin was talking about. She wasn’t too good for Minjoo, see! What she all did to Minjoo was give her pain, and sadness! Yujin must’ve probably made Minjoo sad and broken her heart thousands of times already.

 

“Did I do something bad to you, Yujin? What did I do to earn your ignorance and cold shoulders for a year? I didn’t even do anything bad to you yet you always pretended that I didn’t exist at all. Did you just hate me for no exact reason?” Minjoo was finally pouring her frustration out.

 

Yujin’s shoulders slumped as guilt ate her up, and her insecurities started to creep up her nerves again. She was seriously blaming herself for this, ugh, why did she even attempt. She should’ve avoided Minjoo continuously, and left her alone to fall for someone else, for someone better. Damn it. But she was too late to back out, even though Minjoo would reject her — Yujin could understand, but she just wanted for Minjoo to know that the feelings were mutual all long — that Yujin was just a coward, and Minjoo was out of her league, that was why she didn’t do anything at all.

 

“No,” Yujin breathed, shaking her head a bit, albeit guiltily. “I don’t hate you at all, Minjoo. I assure you that.” Oh, if Minjoo just knew… it was quite the opposite even if her actions didn’t show it, really.

 

Minjoo narrowed her eyes at Yujin, her lips were quivering, and she was demanding further explanation over that. “Really? Then why did you act like you do then? Just tell me what I did to you so I will know my fault, and if I really deserved that kind of treatment from you?” fired Minjoo intensely that made Yujin tightly press her lips together, ignoring the ache in her heart.

 

Minjoo really suffered, and thought about Yujin’s treatment of her, a lot. And it also affected her greatly. Yujin sighed deeply. These questions that were being thrown at her… these were the questions Minjoo badly wanted to ask her even way before. Of course, Minjoo would be left wondering, dumbfounded, and confused.

 

“You…” Yujin paused, she didn’t know what words to say next — she was staring right back at Minjoo. She saw that Minjoo was waiting almost impatiently, just too desperate to know. “Because you are perfect, Minjoo.” She found herself saying, the words rolling off her tongue naturally.

 

Minjoo’s eyes widened in shock, then her cheeks started to turn pink because of the compliment — but it didn’t last long because her shy, surprised face was replaced by a gloomy expression on her face, rage written all over her eyes when the words finally sunk in fully into her head. She stood up from her seat after she set the bottle of juice away and walked closer to Yujin until they were just one step away from one another — closer than before that made Yujin’s breath hitch.

 

Even though Minjoo was smaller, her aura was bigger, and dangerous that Yujin shrunk into her feet, cowering like a scared puppy, her imaginary dog ears withering down guiltily. Her eyes were almost dead, and flaming in fury. Yujin gulped, feeling a lump on , was Minjoo that offended to be called ‘perfect’?

 

“Is that it? Because I’m perfect, Yujin? You ignored me, hated me, and all because I’m perfect?” It was a poisonous hiss. And the literature student’s jaw dropped on the floor at what Minjoo had said. It was a misunderstanding after all! Minjoo took it wrongly.

 

Yujin shook her head furiously, eagerly, not wanting Minjoo to think wrongly. “N-No, Minjoo! Not like that, no,” She blabbered, waving her hands out of panic to sign that it was false, and a misunderstanding only but Minjoo’s stare was still burning her, her perfectly shaped brows were formed into a deep furrow. “God no, Minjoo. You are just too perfect that I, I… feel unworthy of your attention. You are too perfect that’s why I can’t even function properly when I’m around you. You are so perfect that I can’t even look at you properly, and I was afraid, I’m afraid.”

 

Well, there it was. Yujin the blabbering mess. She had this side, yes, especially whenever she was panicking, and nervous — she tended to speak a lot, frantically explaining something. She was just… scared, and nervous that Minjoo would walk away while thinking wrongly of Yujin. And hey, this was the start. Yujin had trouble starting what she wanted to say.

 

Minjoo was gaping at her, her eyebrow arching up in bemusement but she never said anything, staying silent, and eyed Yujin pointedly as a sign for her to continue explaining. But her eyes went softer now, and there was a subtle pink tint on each of her pale cheeks.

 

Taking a deep breath, and then closed her eyes for a second before exhaling heavily, Yujin fluttered her eyes open — her chocolate eyes meeting Minjoo’s pair of honey orbs. Her heart burst with rainbows. It was now, or never. The moment Yujin didn’t look forward to. The day she feared the most. However, just looking at Minjoo, and Minjoo looking back at her — it was enough to give her strength to finally say the words of confession that were stuck in the back of for a long time now.

 

“I’m afraid that if I become too close to you, I’ll fall harder, Minjoo. So I avoided you — I know it sounds so ridiculous, but… I was just, I was terrified because I shouldn’t feel like this towards someone who is way above my level. I like you, okay? I like you more than I should, and that spooked me out so I shut you out for a year.” Yujin finally revealed, confessed — and damn, the way those words smoothly rolled out her tongue, and the way her chest suddenly started to feel light as she said those words…

 

Minjoo was frozen in shock, her fingers trembled a bit because of what she heard. Of course, the confession would catch her off-guard. Her eyes were wide, the widest Yujin had ever seen from her. Shock was written all over her face, and she was paler, her mind was probably in shambles.

 

Yujin brought her hand to her own face, resting it on the side of her face as she let out a frustrated sigh. The more she revealed everything, the more Yujin felt embarrassed of her actions. It was seriously slapping her hard across the face. Hearing this from her own self, it suddenly felt too unreasonable. She was seriously a dumb idiot.

 

“Yeah, goddamn it. I have feelings for you, Minjoo, okay? I like you so much that I distanced myself away, pretended you didn’t exist at all yet in the end, I failed to suppress these feelings, and it all just became worse — I still fell for you endlessly. I thought I didn’t deserve you. You are too out of my league, Minjoo.” Yujin confessed, giving Minjoo further explanations about the reason for her cold treatment to Minjoo for the past year.

 

With a heavy, ashamed sigh, Yujin averted her eyes away from Minjoo’s burning stare, feeling ripples running through her body — she was feeling a lot of emotions all at once, negative and positive. “I know, it’s unreasonable — my actions, that is. You didn’t do anything bad to me at all, what you just did was you made me fall to you so freaking hard that I was too taken aback, and I feared that I wouldn’t be able to get over you. Thus, my stupid actions.” added Yujin, softer, and sincere — dripping with guilt, and sadness.

 

Minjoo was still silent, and Yujin didn’t dare to look back again, her sight was focused outside on the dark orange skies, it was getting late. She should cut this conversation off soon, and walk Minjoo to her usual bus stop so she could go home already. Minjoo was probably busy with her assignments, and all.

 

“I’m sorry,” Yujin murmured guiltily, her voice cracked a bit at the end, and she was on the verge of crying. Oh, the almighty stoic Ahn Yujin crying because of Kim Minjoo… because she hurt Minjoo’s feelings. “I’m really sorry for being a stupid idiot, you must’ve thought a lot why I became like that to you. You probably thought I hated you when it was actually the opposite…” added the younger woman, biting her lower lip nervously.

 

When she didn’t get a response, she continued on, scratching her hand harshly — she was trying to pull herself together because she was seriously on the brink of crying in front of Minjoo. She really had the audacity to cry when she was the one who hurt someone else’s feelings. With one last deep breath, Yujin finally continued so Minjoo would be enlightened fully about her deepest secrets, and feelings.

 

“I just want you to know that… I never hated or disliked you, Minjoo. All along, I’m harboring deep romantic feelings for you, and I’m getting insane because I love you. I don’t know when it started to be like that but it just happened, despite all the actions I showed.” There it was. The real confession, the direct, clear one that everyone needed to know, that Minjoo needed to know. Yujin’s chest even went lighter, and it felt like there were flowers blossoming inside her chest.

 

“I love you, Kim Minjoo. And I—” Yujin didn’t even get to finish what she wanted to say when she felt a hand grabbing her collar, pulling her closer — and she helplessly moved forward.

 

Soon enough, Yujin felt a soft pair of lips pressed against her cold, trembling ones. Instantly, and suddenly, everything went better — beautiful, bright colors spread around Yujin’s world just like that. Her poor heart was probably going to stop because it was beating so wildly yet happily, like it had been waiting for this moment to happen.

 

Yujin was frozen in shock, staggering on her feet because of the force, almost stumbling backwards. Out of instinct, her hands went to hold Minjoo’s waist, and shoulder to balance themselves. Minjoo literally threw herself at Yujin! Thankfully enough, the taller woman was stronger so she managed to match Minjoo’s weight.

 

Minjoo was holding Yujin’s face, like her life depended on it as she kissed her in a hurried, desperate manner — almost like she was hungry for Yujin’s lips, and kisses, like she would die if she wouldn’t get a taste of it, like she lived just to kiss her. It was intense, and messy, but with passion, and full of feelings. Yujin tasted everything — the frustration, the sadness, the relief, the happiness, the strawberry chapstick — it was bitter yet so sweet, and she felt dizzy, light-headed as Minjoo’s lips moved against her own, not even giving Yujin a moment to breathe.

 

Yujin tried to get rid of the shock, and responded to Minjoo’s sweet, harsh kisses. And like a tamed fox, the older woman softened, her kisses too — light as a feather, sweet as a cotton candy. They silently agreed on a slow, passionate pace where the both of them could savour each other, where they could feel each other’s feelings. It was like communication, and they understood each other so well without much words.

 

Just kisses.

 

They broke apart when they ran out of breath, it didn’t feel like it wasn’t their first time kissing together, and on top of it all, they were each other’s first kisses too yet it looked like it wasn’t, thankfully, instinct saved the day. At that moment, it felt like the both of them knew what to do, and how to make each other feel perfect, and all.

 

Yujin panted lightly, and her whole face was mirroring Minjoo’s surprised yet satisfied red face. Both flushed from the intense first kiss they shared, and Minjoo’s breath was still fanning her lips, and it made her shiver, it was so warm. They were staring right back at each other, a little bit shy but passionate, nevertheless.

 

“Now, that meant something, eh?” Yujin teased, a grin playing on her swollen, red lips that Minjoo thoroughly kissed just a few seconds ago.

 

Minjoo snickered, pulling the taller closer then coiled her arms around her neck, snaking them around her possessively while Yujin instantly wrapped her arms around the older woman’s slim waist like it was their home, it felt too natural like they’ve done it thousands time before when in fact, it was also their first.

 

“You don’t know how much I wanted, needed to hear that from you. Those words, not just the last ones you said. I’ve been confused for a long time, Yujin, wondering, and hurting because of your cold treatment when I didn’t even do anything to you. But yet, I can’t blame you. I’ll roast you for that later, but now, let’s cherish this moment.” Minjoo finally spoke, her voice was breathless but she was happy — and her eyes were glimmering with happy tears that made Yujin’s heart skip a bit.

 

Yujin bit her lower lip, and opened to say something when Minjoo used her index finger to put it against Yujin’s agape mouth, signalling her not to speak, and like an obedient puppy that she was, the taller woman didn’t continue what she had attempted and listened to Minjoo intently. She knew that her lover had something to say.

 

“I don’t know if you noticed it, but I think you do — I always stared at you, you know. I was longing for your attention, and you’re so beautiful, Yujin. I can’t take my eyes off you. I thought that what we had was for the better because I’m also falling for someone like you and I failed to hold my heart back… You’re the one who is out of my league, Yujin,” said Minjoo, tucking Yujin’s stray hair behind her ear, and then cupped her cheek to caress it lovingly while the younger woman just looked at her sadly but also, with full of genuine love that she kept from the whole world for a year.

 

Minjoo tipped on her toes, pressing a kiss on Yujin’s cheek, then on the tip of her nose before planting another soft, brief kiss on her lips. “In the end, it’s still you who my stubborn heart yearned for, even though you are the coldest with a frozen heart — my heart is willing to warm yours up, thaw it with my love.” Yujin’s heart felt like it was exploding into fireworks.

 

Yujin was afraid that she couldn’t handle Minjoo’s sweet words, she couldn’t. Her heart was beating, she was trembling in happiness, and she couldn’t even move her feet or muscles. She waited patiently for Minjoo to continue, to say those magical words Yujin badly wanted to hear from the older woman.

 

“I love you too, Ahn Yujin. I hope my feelings reach you well.” murmured Minjoo softly while staring back at her with those warm honey orbs that held the universe in it. She was wearing a sweet, sweet smile. And Yujin’s heart melted.

 

It felt too good to be true, to be honest but she swore this was all real, and it was actually happening. Yujin sang a song for Minjoo, confessed her feelings, shared a passionate kiss with her, and Minjoo also confessed her feelings back — revealing that all along, they pined for each other but because of negative thoughts, wrong choices, and misunderstanding — they didn’t work out. But now that the secrets were spilled. They were good to go.

 

Minjoo loved Yujin, and Yujin loved Minjoo back.

 

Couldn’t suppress a grin, Yujin slowly inched closer for a kiss. And Minjoo gladly met her halfway, also wearing a cheeky, sheepish smile. When their lips met again, it felt like Yujin was on cloud nine. Perfect yet so simple. No rush, no hunger, no tongue, no biting — just locking their lips together, and it was like sealing a deal that they were official now. Official girlfriends.

 

It was one of the moments Yujin wouldn’t dare to forget. And even her most favorite one. That moment was forever in her mind until her very last breath.

 

Yujin slowly fluttered her eyes open after she and Minjoo kissed, and was greeted by the sight of the said woman grinning at her — wearing a veil, white wedding dress that they picked two months ago. Minjoo was smiling at her, her eyes were glimmering with happy tears again, and she was absolutely breathtaking, still. Minjoo stared at Yujin like she was her whole world, and Yujin stared back at her like she was also her whole world. They were each other’s world, that was for sure.

 

Wow, Yujin still couldn’t believe that this woman in front of her, Kim Minjoo — now, Ahn Minjoo, was finally her wife after dating her for more than seven years. A dream came true. This was Yujin’s wish ever since she and the older woman became officially together. And she was so happy, she couldn’t wish for more.

 

The crowd cheered loudly as they broke off the kiss that sealed their vows, and their first kiss as official wives. The whole venue almost shook because the happy cheers, and howls were so loud that it made Yujin, and Minjoo laugh — they spotted their long-time friends on the table, shrieking in excitement, and some — like Yuri, was wiping her tears as she smiled at the new married couple. Also, Sooji, who was literally sobbing.

 

Yujin had to remind herself that it was not just a fantasy nor dream, she really married Minjoo, and she had a flashback of her life while at the ceremony — specifically how everything started for the both of them. Well, this was another chapter, a whole new chapter of their lives — now as wives and not girlfriends anymore. Minjoo, and Yujin were eager to discover what was in store for them. They were ready to write a different yet similar story.

 

Yujin was so ecstatic, everything she had wanted, and dreamed of happened right before her eyes, and it felt like yesterday when they just got together after a year long of dancing around each other.

 

Soon enough, Yujin found herself sitting on a stool, the hem of her white wedding dress was neatly sprawled on the platform as she eyed the grand piano right before her. Slowly, she lifted her lithe, slender fingers up as they hovered above the keys, almost afraid to touch it when she was literally a pianist — she played piano almost everyday, that was the daily life of a professional pianist slash piano instructor. A lot just happened these past seven years. A lot changed.

 

Yujin turned her gaze on the crowd, they were silent, and they were watching Yujin intently with anticipation. She searched for Minjoo’s eyes, and immediately found it — she was sitting on her seat, facing Yujin, and smiling at her wife — proudly, and excited, with eyes full of love. It gave her reassurance, especially when Minjoo nodded at her then mouthed, “I love you.”

 

The corner of her lips tugged upwards, and Yujin mouthed back, “I love you too.” And finally, her fingers pressed the keys, indicating that she had finally started before she focused on playing, and singing the song that helped her and Minjoo to reveal each other’s feelings for each other.

 

From the beginning, until the end, Yujin looked at Minjoo — not even faltering, and she sang, and played the song effortlessly but the passion, and emotions remained the same when she first sang it that fateful day. Yujin couldn’t suppress her giggles from time to time when she sang because Minjoo would sheepishly throw her a smile from her seat, and blush. She wasn’t the only one who was reminiscing.

 

Before, the Minjoo she saw from the platform while she was performing was a woman who wore a very confused look, slight shock was evident around her face like she was a deer caught in a headlights as she slowly assumed, and realized that Yujin was singing for her. But now, all she saw was the same Minjoo, but much older yet more beautiful — she was wearing a shy yet proud smile on her glossy luscious lips that Yujin couldn’t wait to kiss it again later.

 

Every line she sang, Yujin was reminded of the past. Be it negative or positive, because of those, Yujin and Minjoo reached this level.

 

But when she approached the slower chorus, the atmosphere became serious, and the audience was in awe of Yujin’s singing voice. And Minjoo felt like she was in love again. Yujin’s chest swelled in pride, singing even better because of it.

 

And as the song approached its end, she saw Minjoo standing up from her seat, and walked towards her, eye-contact not breaking as she leaned on the grand piano Yujin was playing, and surprisingly, Minjoo softly sang along at the last line. She perfectly harmonized with Yujin’s husky voice.

 

❝ ‘Cause I love her with all that I am

And my voice shakes along with my hands

‘Cause it’s frightening to be swimming in this strange sea

But I’d rather be here than on land

Yes, she’s all that I see and she’s all that I need

And I’m out of my league once again ❞

 

Yujin smiled at her as the song came to an end, her fingers stopped moving on top of the keys, ears muffled by the applause from the crowd. Minjoo smiled back at her, approaching her even closer, and Yujin met her halfway — she stood up from the stool, and reached for her beautiful, perfect wife — cupping her cheek as she stared back at her deeply. Minjoo’s eyes were just everything.

 

Minjoo was her whole world. Yujin couldn’t believe that this perfect woman was in front of her… was hers, and Yujin was hers too. The woman she thought she couldn’t call ‘mine’ in her whole life… the only woman she loved so loyally, and fiercely. And Yujin would never let go even though she once told herself that Yujin wasn’t too deserving for Minjoo.

 

Well, Minjoo didn’t want someone better, anyway — she only needed Yujin, who was also out of her league.

 

“You’re still out of my league, Kim Minjoo, even until now.” whispered Yujin against her lips, and pulled Minjoo for another passionate, loving kiss.

 

///

 

A/N: anddd the end~ ahhh yall can now breathe a sigh of relief. its not a sad ending at all AHAHHAHA i see that some were scared, or worried that this story might have a bad ending omg the TYAC traumatization!!! anyway, i hope you guys liked the story, and sorry for the mistakes if there are ever.

 

once again, thanks to my friend - gray, who commissioned me to do this and gave me the plot~

 

stay safe as always everyone, and see you soon, ig~