Seungri was glad he had this Saturday off of school. Tuesday was exams and he was pretty sure he’d be preparing for the later auditions by himself judging from what happened the last time he saw Jiyong. He got ready to work for the next two days. He spent most of his Saturday morning studying, trying to forget Jiyong’s body against his, pressing into him and hurting him, or the fact Seunghyun might have just used him for some pointless prank or as some useless pawn or worse, just to get laid. He tried to shake off the way Youngbae had sounded so resigned.

              I should let you go.
          Who the hell said things like that?
            If ever there was a moment Seungri wished he was completely straight, it would’ve been now. He wished he never met the three ‘kings’ of the high school. He wished he had just stayed invisible to everyone. He began to pour himself into each subject and distract himself from everything before he heard a knock on his door.
            “What?” It was teenage custom to belligerently answer the door.
            “What did you do!?” his little sister’s voice rang through his closed door.
            “What are you talking about?” Seungri spoke, his words dripping with agitation.
            “You did something didn’t you? Everyone’s talking about it.”
            “About what!? Open the damn door.”
            His sister obeyed before continuing, her face fixed with a frown. “About the fact you started something in between them.”
            “Between who?  The hell are you talking about?” Seungri really hated how his sister overused pronouns.
            “Youngbae and Seunghyun. They fought yesterday.”
           
            Seungri had never been to Youngbae’s house so when he marched through his yard in a huff he hoped his parents wouldn’t be the ones to answer the door, which seemed more likely.
            “Who is it?” a voice mumbled.
            “Ah, it’s- Uhm. I’m Seungri. Lee Seunghyun. A friend of Young-“
            Youngbae opened the door slowly, revealing his black eye, a long cut under his eyebrow.
            “What are you doing-“ Youngbae was going to ask why Seungri was there before Seungri shoved his way into his house.
            “What did you do? What am I supposed to do with you?” Seungri heard himself become his mother in an instant. He was so angry at Youngbae about laying a finger on his hyung that he had stomped over to his door in an instant, yet now here he was fluttering around Youngbae fussing over his battle scars.
            “You can’t leave a cut like that. It’s where cuts scar the easiest.”
            “Is that even true?”
            “Prob'ly not. Do you have any bandage tape?”
            Youngbae stood there for a while before answering, his gaze lingering on Seungri.
            “It’s in the second drawer in the kitchen... by the sink.”
            Youngbae followed as Seungri practically twittered his way to the kitchen as if he’d been in his house before, completely comfortable.
            “What were you thinking? You’re the top of your class, not some thug,” Seungri said getting the tape.
            Youngbae didn’t answer and when the young boy turned around with tape in hand, his face looked disinterested at best.
            “What do your parents think?’ Seungri said sternly.
            “They don’t know.”
            “Oh really? How’d you explain that face?”
            “I doubt they noticed.”
            Seungri was pretty sure Youngbae was delusional or insane. Anyone could notice the black eye Youngbae sported. The huge cut over his eye that probably couldn’t hurt to have a couple stitches. Seungri was making due with the tape. He decided to drop the subject as Youngbae’s demeanor changed, his body becoming stiff.
            “Whatever. Just sit down,” Seungri ordered. Youngbae did what he was told. Seungri began cleaning his cut with alcohol wipes he found in his drawer.
            “You shouldn’t have fought.”
            “I get the point. Stop telling me.”
            “You and Seunghyun hyung were friends. How could you fight like this?”
            “Stop it. You don’t-“ Youngbae winced, pain interrupting his words as the alcohol reached the deepest part of his cut, “You don’t know what you’re talking about.
            “I get it. That fight was over Jiyong wasn’t it? Well, that’s between them like I said. You shouldn’t inherit you’re friend’s disagreements.”
            “Jiyong can handle himself. I told you that already.”
            “Still-“
            “Listen, just drop it,” Youngbae said as Seungri dropped the wipe and ripped off a couple pieces of tape. He tried to fashion little white strips, like he’d seen on a boxer once.. He pinched the cut together, causing Youngbae to take a deep breath.
            “Hyung and Jiyong… What happened between them?” Seungri asked as he put the bandages on.
            “I don’t know,” Youngbae was barely audible.
            “Were they together?” Seungri whispered as if someone was going to overhear them.
            “I. Don’t. Know,” Youngbae put an emphasis on each word.
            “Is it true-“
            “I DON’T KNOW! Stop asking me about you beloved hyung! ‘Hyung’ ‘Hyung’ ‘Hyung’ I don’t want to talk about him! I don’t know, damn it!”

            “Why are you yelling at me?” Seungri whined. He had never heard Youngbae raise his voice, ever.
            “Get out of my house.” Youngbae got up from the table.
            “But Jiyong and Hyung-“
            “GET OUT! I DON’T CARE.”
            Seungri frowned. “You don’t have to be a grumpy . I’m leaving.”
            Youngbae looked away with frustration pent up in every inch of his body. Seungri looked at his handiwork before leaving. “Yeah, you’re welcome, by the way, you big jerk,” he grumbled before seeing himself out.
           
            The next day Seungri ignored Youngbae in the hallway. That jerk. I just asked him about hyung and he went off. For what? I was just curious, geez. Seunghyun interrupted his thoughts as he rounded the corner.
            “For you,” he said, shoving a book on top of the pile of books Seungri already carried. He looked down and read its English title awkwardly.
            “Catcher in the Rye. What’s this?”
            “A good book.”
            “Ugh,” Seungri rolled his eyes. The thought of reading for fun just really wasn’t one of the best in his eyes. He saw Seunghyun frown and retracted his interjection with an overenthusiastic smile.
            “Thanks, Hyung.”
            “Don’t call me 'hyung'. You don’t even read.”
            “Hyung~” Seungri whined, emanating aegyo that Seunghyun thoroughly ignored. They moved over in the hallway, avoiding traveling students as they spoke.
            “Listen. I marked a part. It could be a monologue. If you want it to be,” Seunghyun avoided eye contact. Seungri thought about how much Seunghyun helped him and yet how sure Jiyong and Youngbae were that he was acting maliciously. A bubble of doubt was growing in his chest making him uncomfortable with everything. And then there was the fight, was it just going to be an elephant in the room, something neither one of them were going to talk about.
            “Hyung, why are you helping me out so much?”
            “Because you’re my freshman. I need your rank to go up. You’re an embarrassment.”
            Seungri sighed. “Hyung, that’s a weak reason.”
            Seunghyun started, “Seungri-“
            “Never mind, I’m just- Forget it. Thanks for the book, hyung. I’ll see you around.” He said and for the first time it was him leaving Seunghyun to watch him walk away.
 
            It wasn’t hard for Seungri to memorize the words of Seung Hyun’s passage, even in English but the pronunciation was going to be a pain. He grumbled as he sat in the auditorium reading over the words again and again. He really needed to make sense of them, not just know what they were. It was the last sentence that stuck out to him.

            Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody.
            He wondered if the passage resounded with his hyung. He wondered a lot about Seunghyun. He thought about how much he just wanted to hear everything about him. What happened between him and Jiyong, what happened between him and Youngbae... Out of all the people on this earth to start to care about, why would it be him, Seungri, some ditsy gay freshman? He wondered all those things and he could have asked about all of them but instead he walked away. Maybe he didn’t want to know as badly as he thought, maybe he just wanted to wonder, maybe he wanted his doubts to stay just that- doubts.
            “Seunghyun, where’s Jiyong?” his teacher walked by browsing over the auditorium, a clipboard in his hand for attendance.
            “Well, see, uhm-”
            “I’m here,” Jiyong’s voice said loudly from behind them. He strode in and took a seat next to Seungri.
            “Ah. Have you guys been working hard?”
            Seungri nodded before Jiyong spoke. “Not really.”
            The teacher laughed as if it was a joke instead of the honest truth. “Well, I have high expectations from you Seungri. Your director is the most talented in his class.”
            “Director?” Seungri’s eyes grew wide.
            “Well, yes. That’s the point right? That you freshmen receive direction from your sunbaes.” The teacher said smiling before walking to the front of the auditorium.
            “Okay, guys. Head out to your studios!” He announced before gathering his own things to leave the auditorium. Seungri just sat in his seat reluctant to move before Jiyong stood up. I guess we need to keep up apperances, Seungri thought as he began to stand up as well. Seungri figured the two of them wouldn’t be working together after everything that happened. He wasn’t sure he wanted to risk it either.
            “Kaja. Let’s go.” Jiyong sighed.
            They began to walk, and  when they got to the hall, Seungri assumed they would just naturally part ways. He turned left to go toward Chaerin’s locker. She had borrowed his permanent markers and she would probably end up “borrowing” them for the whole year if he didn’t keep tabs on them.
            “Where are you going?” Jiyong asked.
            “M-my locker.”
            “We’re supposed to be working together.”
            Seungri stared at Jiyong who folded his arms. “Have you even picked something?” Jiyong asked. Seungri shook his head before remembering the book in his hands. “Ne. I have something.”
            “Give it here.” Jiyong snatched the book, looking at the cover for a minute, rubbing the binding with his hand, “This is hyung’s book.”
            Seungri had never heard Jiyong call Seunghyun ‘hyung’ before and his ears perked up a bit.
            “Hyung- Seunghyun,” Jiyong corrected himself, “He lent you this book?”
            “Ne.” Seungri spoke quietly sneaking glances at Jiyong, hoping not to anger him.
            “What are you going to read from it?”
            “The post it-“ Seungri let his voice trail off as Jiyong found the place saver in the book. He began reading the passage, his fingers trailing behind him.
            “…I didn't know what the hell to say. If you want to know the truth, I don't know what I think about it… About all I know is, I sort of miss everybody I told about... It's funny. Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody.”
            Seungri understood the words clearly for the first time as Jiyong spoke them carefully with a fluent rhythm. His hand lingered on the page after he finished. Seungri realized the passage was meant for Jiyong, not him. He felt like a go between, and it was starting to wear on him.
            “What- What happened, between you and Seunghyun?”
            Jiyong was still looking at the page, lost in thought. “Huh?” Jiyong looked up.
            “Nothing.” Seungri refrained from repeating himself.
            “C’mon. We have to go. You need to practice this,” Jiyong said finally.
            Seungri couldn’t believe what he was saying. He looked at Jiyong who had started walking down the hallway, flicking through the book. He turned around to see Seungri hadn’t begun following him.

         They had walked a little bit of a way in silence when Jiyong handed him the book again. “Read it,” Jiyong ordered.
         Seungri opened the book and began reading the sentence his eye landed on. “ I know it's crazy, but that's the only thing I'd really like to be. I know it's cra-“
        “From the monologue, not just anywhere. Aigoo, are you dumb?” Jiyong put his face in his palm, shocked by Seungri’s mistake.
Seungri shot a side-glance before finding his place. He began reading the monologue. He tried to do it with some sort of grace. The words were supposed to be gloomy so he tried his best to be somber.
       “You sound really sad,” Jiyong said as he finished. Seungri took it as a compliment before taking note of Jiyong’s tone, his face displaying his disappointment.
       “Were the words supposed to be happy?”
       “Pabo. They’re sad words.”
       “Then I did good.” Seungri smiled.
       “It’s the regret that’s missing. It’s regret you need to express.”
      “Yeah but, I mean- The words themselves express the regret. He wishes he never talked about them. It says it. I can’t express the regret but I can use the words and sadness together to-“
      “No. You’re completely wrong. In every way.” Jiyong said before turning his head to Seungri.
       “No, listen-"
       “Lee Seung Hyun.” Jiyong stopped walking forward. “You’re absolutely wrong. You can express regret just as easily as sadness or happiness. It’s easy. Regret… is an emotion that happens most clearly when your heart is broken. Have you ever had your heart broken?”
      “No.” Seungri muttered. He had never dated anyone.
      “Not by a woman, Seungri. Have you- Haven’t you ever broken your own heart?” Jiyong said softly.
Seungri blinked slowly at Jiyong. He thought he knew what Jiyong meant but he wasn’t sure. He said nothing instead of answering the question and Jiyong handed him the book.
            “Fine. How about this, tomorrow you come and tell me about a time you broke your own heart. If you can do that you might not ruin your audition.”
            “Wait, what about working on it? Don’t you need to learn it too? To help me.”
            “I don’t need to. I know that book by heart.”
            “Really? How?” Seungri asked, his face full of wonder.
            “It was my book first,” Jiyong answered before walking down the hallway slowly, looking out its window.
 
 
            Seungri thought about Jiyong’s words. Haven't you broken your own heart?
            He hadn’t really. Not really. Right? He started to think.
            “Did you start practicing the monologue?” A voice came up from behind him as he walked home.
            “Hyung! Don’t sneak up on me.”
            “Well, did you?” Seunghyun ate a banana as he started to walk next to his freshman. Seungri had never seen Seunghyun eat before. He watched his lips move as he chewed and took joy in letting his gaze fall to Seunghyun’s neck as he swallowed.
            “N-Ne. I have.”
            “Liar.”
            “No, I have.” Seungri assured Seunghyun as his hyung took another bite of his banana. Seungri continued to stare at his mouth.
            “Stop staring at my banana. I’m not sharing.”
            “What? I don’t want your stupid banana.”
            “Then why are you looking? Don’t covet thy neighbor’s banana.” Seunghyun took a few steps over, shielding his banana from view.
            “I’m not looking-“ Seungri stopped. He realized Jiyong agitated him. What the hell had he meant about expressing regret? Seungri didn’t know what he wanted at all. It had been driving him crazy. He was taking his frustration out on his hyung. He ruffled up his hair. “I’m sorry, hyung. I’m just irritated.” He regretted being short with Seunghyun, the man was rarely that playful with him.
            Seunghyun didn’t say anything but took time to finish his banana.
            “Do you have it memorized? Did you pick it?”
            “Yes but-"
            “But what?”
            “Jiyong, he doesn’t like my delivery.”
            “So it’s not working for him. Well it will. It’ll work out.” Seung Hyun wore the slightest knowing smile as he rolled up his banana peel, playing with it before throwing it in a garbage bin on the corner.
            “Things rarely do, though.”
            Seunghyun looked up for a moment, thinking. He didn't address Seungri at all. Seungri had started to feel awkward by the time Seunghyun finally spoke. “Why do they call you Seungri?”
            “What?”
            “Why do they call you Seungri? Your name is Seunghyun.”
            Seungri wished that Seunghyun hadn’t changed the subject so abruptly but he decided to humor him.
            “My grandmother. She would call me that. My family started to call me that too. And it just continued to grow until everyone called me that.”
            “You’re not much of a winner, though.”
            Seungri felt a pang of frustration build up on top of everything.
            “I win at some stuff. I do.” Seungri looked to his hyung who gave him a doubtful side glance.
            “Didn’t you just say things rarely work out for you?”
            “Well, they do sometimes!” he pouted.
            He walked a bit before continuing. “But… I never liked the name much until she died. The truth is, I don’t win anything. You’re right. She would hold me up on this pedestal, but I’ve always been so average. Bellow average, even. I really hated that place she put me in. My sister would get mad at me because I'd get more attention than her. My dongsaeng- she’s really amazing, So I'd get angry tpp when my grandmother embarrassed me.”
            “When did she die?”
            “A couple years ago. I had… I push my family away. My parents. My grandmother. They- They have these hopes and dreams I can’t fill. I’m not that special, and I've given up on all of them. But I really miss my grandmother.”
            Seunghyun didn’t reply but kept walking. Seungri began to remember things about his grandmother, like her cooking, the smell of her house, the way that they would sit on the porch together sipping lemonade- through straws- because what’s lemonade without the straw?
            He laughed as he remembered her sense of humor.
            “She used to make silly faces all the time at me. All the time. It was so funny, seeing a grandma act so silly. She stopped cause the last time- The last time she did it, I didn’t laugh. I was embarrassed and I just turned away. I don’t know why I did that... I really don't."
            “That’s really sad,” Seunghyun said, his voice not showing emotion but somehow still comforting. He placed a hand on Seungri’s shoulder. “Don’t beat yourself up about it, Seungri.”
            He was going to cry but somehow Seunghyun’s touch made the memory hurt less and he kept walking with Seunghyun as light snow began to fall, a flake landing on his eyelash.
            Haven't you ever broken your own heart?
            He thought of Jiyong’s words again as the snowflake melted, mixing in with his tears.

In honor of twenty subscribers in approximately twenty-four hours... CHAPTER FIVE. ^_^ 

Geez... I didn't mean to put all these out so fast, since there are only nine of them! I can't resist posting them for you lot, though, to thank you for your comments and subscriptions. Originally I planned on one a day for nine days, but it's only been one and I've already posted five! *shakes head* It's 'cause I love you all~ <3

Thanks, guys. ^^