“I’m on my way.”

“Alright, I’ll be waiting.”

She can’t stop smiling after reading the message that he sent. It’s been awhile since the last time they met, two best buddies have finally reunited after the misunderstanding that they had.

“Hey, sorry the traffic was insane.”

“Heeeey! It’s alright, are you hungry? I’ve ordered matcha latte and sushi for you.”

“I’m starving. You’re the best! Thanks.” He ruffles her hair.

“Of course, I am. You’re most welcome.” She chuckles.

“Ey tsk! But it’s okay though that’s the truth. Oh God, I really miss you Ji.”

“I miss you too, a lot.”

“Our misunderstanding was super silly, I can’t even stop laughing and yeah I miss you, I miss you a lot. I miss you.”

“HAHAHAHAHAHA HEEEY HOW MANY “I MISS YOU(s)” YOU GOT THERE HUH?”

“Don’t care, I really miss you. Deadass serious.”

By that, they continuing their reconciliation or so called reunion. Jaehyun and Jiho have been friends since they were on kindergarten. Their houses are close to each other, thus their parents too. Both of them would gladly spend their days together, talking about everything and they can’t even stop.

–

That day, that awful day happened. They got a misunderstanding which caused them to stop talking to each other. They weren’t on their best shape and things kinda got worse. They thought that one of them didn’t want to talk to the other one.

“I really thought that you didn’t want to talk to me. You got mad at me.”

“I thought the same. I thought that you got tired of me, thus I didn’t have the courage to reach you out even though I missed you.”

“Did you cry?”

“What did you think?”

“Yeah?”

“Of course! You know that I cry easily and of course, that time I cried a lot like really a lot because of you.”

He laughs upon hearing her answer, Jiho can easily cry over small thing and Jaehyun knows it already that she would definitely cry because of their misunderstanding.

“STOP LAUGHING! How about you? Were you sad?”

“Of course, you dummy. My chest was literally hurt waiting for your reply yet you didn’t even bother.”

“You dumb! Told ya, I didn’t have any courage. Besides, you should be the one who reaches for me first.”

“I DID! If I didn’t do that then we won’t have this quarrel right now. I miss you.”

“How can you jump from the argument and say I miss you huh?”

“I don’t care! I miss you.”

They talk a lot about anything as always, how they weren’t there for each other on their lowest points and keep saying sorry. The two souls that long for each other have finally reunited as one, the best friends that everyone envies are together again.

–

“Ji?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m tired.”

“Why? You have a fight again with your girlfriend?”

“Yeah. I really want to break up but I can’t.”

“Why?”

“I just can’t. She will hurt herself and I’ll get sad.”

“But if you don’t, she’ll hurt you over and over again.”

“I know. I’m sick right now yet she keeps complaining that I never understand her.”

“What happens?”

“I drank coffee too much and I can feel my heart beats crazily fast. I don’t have energy to get up from bed. She said that I’m too mean because I can’t accompany her.”

“Break up with her.”

“Ji-“

“I know, I don’t have the rights to say this and I’m being all rude but she’s unreasonably childish. She doesn’t even care about your condition. YOU’RE SICK RIGHT NOW AND SHE SULKS? HAH! I couldn’t even believe that. I don’t want to see you get hurt over and over again, please put yourself first. I’m mad.”

“Don’t be mad, please?”

“I don’t know, I really can’t control myself.”

“I’m sorry!”

“No, I’m sorry for being like this. So sorry.”

That night, Jiho was furious. Jaehyun has been in such a toxic relationship yet his girlfriend always plays victim and gaslights him. Jiho couldn’t control her emotion, she exploded. She cried upon knowing how Jaehyun suffered yet couldn’t even let go. Yes, Jiho has been crushing her own best friend since 2 years ago. Later in the morning, Jiho wrote such a long apology to Jaehyun. She felt awful for lashing out last night, Jaehyun didn’t even blame her because he was fully aware about his toxic relationship. Jiho was true after all.

–

Jiho would do anything to cheer Jaehyun up, she always says that Jaehyun should put himself first on top of everything yet she never do it for herself. Jiho provides such a big comfort to Jaehyun.

“Ji, thank you! My burdens are lifted up whenever I talk to you, thanks a lot.”

“No problem, I’m glad I can help even though I can’t really help.”

“Your presence helps a lot. Please stay with me, alright?”

“I won’t go anywhere as long as you’re staying.”

Jiho means every word that she said, she never move from her place. She has been standing there, behind Jaehyun. She has been Jaehyun’s favorite safe place without even knowing that she hurts herself a little too much every day. Jaehyun’s behaviors keep confusing her yet she always says to herself that Jaehyun only consider her as best friend, nothing more, nothing less.

“Ji.”

“Hm? Bad mood?”

“I break up.”

“Are you alright? When? How?”

“I reach for her and talk about things and yeah long story short, we break up.”

“Are you alright?”

“I’m fine.”

“Don’t lie please? I can’t stop worrying about you. I know you’re not.”

“It hurts.” He laughs.

Jiho can sense his fake laughter, he pretends to be strong. Jaehyun is that down and broken. Somehow, Jiho feels relieve because finally Jaehyun can be free from the torturing relationship but seeing how broken he is and how he still loves the girl; makes her broken too. Jiho cries, she cries while clutching her palm on her chest. She cries a lot, she doesn’t want to see Jaehyun get hurts. If she can, she would gladly take the pain from Jaehyun, she rather gets hurt instead of watching the one that she treasures the most get hurt. Jiho’s feeling is way too deep for Jaehyun to the point that she wants to protect him from any hurts. Silly, right? She knows that.

“I’m in pain upon seeing you get sad because of her, the one that gives you happiness and lots of pain. I’m envious because she owns your heart. I want to hate her but I can’t because she’s the one that you love. Even though you’re no longer with her, it still pains me a lot; if being with her won’t make you this sad that it’s alright, you can go back to her. Let me take the pain. I-“

She sobs, keeps sobbing in silence. Her chest hurt.

“Jaehyun, please please please be happy, alright? I know it’s hard for you but you deserve someone better. I pray for your happiness like I pray for my own. It’s easier watching you happy with your partner rather than watching you hurt like this, please be happy? I’ll support you no matter what and I won’t ever let you know about my feeling. I’ll move on and erase my feeling towards you. I don’t want to taint our friendship with this feeling, I’m so sorry that I’ve been seeing you as a man instead of best friend these past 2 years. I’m sorry, please be happy? Please?”

She buries her face between her knees, hugging herself like she always do. People been telling her to stop, stop liking her own best friend; she tried—no, she has been trying hard. Feeling can’t go that fast, she needs time even though it means that she should hurt herself. Jiho is so familiar with the pain, thus she would gladly take the pain out of Jaehyun. I love you, Jaehyun. I’m sorry. I will stop this feeling, I will move on. Let’s be happy buddy!

Again, she says it herself. Her one-sided love once again gets buried, she pushes it overly hard this time. She wants to stop the hurt that she has created alone.

“Having crush on your own best friend is hella difficult. You can do nothing about that except moving on if they don’t share the same feeling with you. Love alone is difficult. If you have the courage, it’s alright to confess. Your feeling is valid, everyone’s feeling is. Some would stay silent about their feelings, some would prefer to confess and get the clear rejection which makes them realize and also helps them to move on. Anything is fine, it depends on you. For those who are experiencing love alone or one-sided, I sincerely hope that you can pass through everything. It’s hard but this too shall pass, alright? I hope that everyone can be happy and feel loved because all of you are loved. For those who are in toxic relationships, please know your value. You deserve someone who will love you wholeheartedly and can take care of your mental health and also treasure you as much as you treasure them. Please everyone be happy! I love you.”