That figure was sitting at her balcony, eyes wandered through the pitch black sky. There were neither stars nor clouds; only a wide black deep mysterious sky beyond her. She was drowning within her own thoughts while sighing for quite several times. Her mind was too occupied with things she couldn’t even explain herself. That figure crossed her mind; he was the reason that she kept daydreaming throughout the day. The one that had been in her life for 2 years and so; the one that owned her heart and the one that confused her.

“I miss you.”

Her favorite notification snatched her attention, it was him. A light smile appeared upon her gloomy face as the light sigh that followed later. She kept staring at her phone, unsure what to reply. She had promised herself to control her feelings yet whenever she did that, he always came up with such an affectionate behavior; she was tired. It wasn’t his fault, it was her. That figure considered her as his close friend, nothing more than that; it was her own high expectation that kept hurting her.

“Did you just hurt your head somewhere? Why so sudden?”

She replied with her casual joke to cover up her feelings and he would surely reply with the same joke that they had always shared to each other. There was a vivid line that he drawn between them and she shall never cross that line, ever. For no matter how much her feelings hit her like a big wave, she should just stand tall to prevent herself.

“Stay behind the line, stay on your feet. Don’t ever let the wave wipes you away.”

She kept telling herself the same thing over and over again. At times, she could easily control herself but at other times, it was getting all over her nerves; it was getting harder and harder. He treated her a little too well each day; again, it wasn’t his fault, it hers. He never seen her that way, of course he treated her well because she was his best close friend. She, herself, who kept her hopes too high until it hurt her.

“Taeyong, if I ever have the courage to tell you, I would gladly say that I fond of you; very fond of you, not as a friend but more than that. I know that you don’t feel the same and never will but it’s fine because I make myself like this. Honestly, you make me quite confused at times because of your affectionate behavior towards me but again, it’s fine because we’re friends, right? You did that because I’m your close friend. We might get distant lately and it saddens me, I’m afraid that you will go out of sudden. But the more I try to hold you, the more you escape through my fingers just like a wind. I can’t even grab you no more. I won’t ever cross this line; I will just bury this feeling alone within my deepest secret drawer of heart. Maybe because I fond of you a little bit too much and it starts to get hard and pain me but it’s alright, maybe someday; yeah someday, I have to let you go. But for now, please stay—please stay the same; I will work on my feeling and erase it as soon as possible. I like you, a lot. Thanks for walking into my life and being my companion, I hope that we can stay as best friends for such a long long time.”

Jiho was pouring her feelings out, she kept typing and erasing them; unsure whether she should send it or no. She had never had the courage to do so. Those unspoken words, again, got deleted. She locked them up within her own heart, no one knew. She was not the open book that someone else could easily read, she was the closed one; untouched.