I’m rushing to get my work done for the day. Olivia sent me a message five minutes ago already, saying she was waiting for me downstairs. It was really weird at first, working again. I had to spend half the day with the IT guy because I have absolutely no clue what all my passwords are. Once that was settled, I had to meet all my coworkers again. They’re mostly nice and drama-free, it seems. 

The work in itself I got the hang of in a few minutes. It’s like all the knowledge never left me. I’m impressed with myself, to be honest. But now it’s the end of the day, Olivia is waiting for me and I need to finish this monthly report, which turns out to be quite complicated since I wasn’t there for some time and I don’t have the latest updates concerning this client.

When I get a second text from Olivia, I decide that this report will wait until Monday. Tonight, we’re going to Alex and Keith’s house for a party. I didn’t want to go, but Olivia insisted and I caved. As she says, I must maintain some kind of social life. So I accepted.

While we’re in the car, she seems pissed that I took extra time at the office. We’re going to be late. I’m not sure you can actually be late to a party, but I don’t say anything. Once we arrive and meet with our friends, her face brightens up and it’s like her whole life is perfect. Maybe they all do that, fake being happy. I don’t know them well enough to know for sure.

Minho is there too. I can tell he’d like to be somewhere else too. I smile at him and he smiles back. If we don’t belong here, at least we don’t belong together. 

After eating, we gather outside around the brazier. I’m glad that the weather’s nice. The warm wind brushes my bare arms and gives me goosebumps. Someone hands me a stick with a marshmallow to warm up over the fire. I listen to the conversations around me but don’t take part in them. At some point, I hear them playing Never Have I Ever. I find it funny since I don’t remember a thing about myself, and decide it would be fun to try and play, in case it helps me remember something.

“Okay, then Taemin plays too. Let me take the next card,” Maddie says excitedly. “I’ve never kissed a boy,” she reads. All the girls take a shot instantly. I think for a second, a feeling of deja-vu prickling my skin.

“I think I have,” I say absent-mindedly.

“Excuse me?” Olivia asks quickly.

“I’m not sure,” I add. “But that’s something I’d see myself doing,” I explain. I realize everybody is looking at me and suddenly I feel exposed.

“That’s a first,” Olivia says and I hear the disgust in her voice. “And that’s also really mean,” she adds. 

“Why would that be?” I ask, feeling my blood boil. I’m getting tired of her insinuations. It’s not the first time it happens and I don’t get why she’s so sensitive about it. 

“Because you’re supposed to love me? And then you say that boys are cute? That you’d see yourself kiss one? Hello?” she says, almost shouting. I try to ignore the people around us but I know they’re listening closely. “Besides, you always told me you were completely straight. What happened to that? Have you been lying to me all those years?” she goes on.

“I don’t know what I’ve been telling you before, Olivia! That’s the issue, remember—”

“It’s Liv!” she interrupts me. I sigh and close my eyes. I can’t call her that for the life of me.

“Whatever,” I whisper. I don’t want to fight but I find this so unfair. I feel my emotions get the better of me and I’m trying to not start crying. But I see her smirk, like she won the argument, and I can’t let her have it her way. “Not whatever, actually. You can’t hold me responsible for something I don’t remember about myself. And right now I’m not seeing an issue with it. I’d kiss a boy just as I’d kiss a girl. If that bothers you, then that’s a ‘you’ problem,” I manage to say before I feel my cheeks become wet.

I can’t stand them looking at me like I’m a lost puppy. I have to get out of here. I get up quickly and leave the garden through the gate. I don’t know where I am. I walk down the street towards a small park. I don’t understand myself. I don’t understand the people around me. I don’t know what I saw in them before. Maybe life would be simpler if I just left. Start over in another city, where I don’t know anybody and nobody knows me.

I spot a bench in the small park and go sit on it. My head is burning. I hold it in my hands, my elbows resting on my thighs. I don’t know what to do but I know I need to do something. Choose something. Can I trust that the old Taemin made the right choices and I just don’t see things clearly right now?

I hear a noise beside me and I slowly turn my head towards it. It’s Minho. He silently sits down next to me. He says nothing and I let the tears I have left get out of my body. He doesn’t judge; he’s just there for me. I like that. I sniff a few times and he hands me a tissue. I take it gladly.

“Why are you even putting up with her?” he asks me. “Clearly, she’s making you miserable,” he says with pursed lips. The way he speaks warms my heart and I feel I’m smiling.

“I don’t even know,” I whisper. What I do know is that amongst the several things I feel for he