Marrying someone you love must be every girl's dream..... Yes it was my dream too. I used to feel the luckiest, the happiest, the most successful girl in this universe... I thought I was going to remain happy with this marriage for the rest of my life but it's not something we can call an Eternity.

My husband has changed as time passes by. I don't know why he is changing. Maybe because I'm not good enough or he has got bored with me??? 

He has been tiring up with work. He comes home late and there are many days he comes back with heavy drunkenness. There are many nights I cry but he doesn't bother to care... However it's okay. I can put up with all of those. I know he is trying hard for us. We got married when we still have nothing and we ended up struggling with money for apartment rent and groceries to fill in the fridge and just everything. JONGHYUN has to take responsibility for everything..... I know he is having a hard time since we got married. I understand that and I used to be very understandable wife. I hope I can endure much more.....

"Babe, I'm pregnant again. It's our third baby this time. Can we keep? I don't want to abort our baby anymore?" I hesitantly asked my husband after he came out from shower. It took me a lot of encouragement to speak out about this pregnancy to him.

My husband told me to abort our baby twice already. I was so nervous that I would hear that abort command again... I want to keep our baby. Please Jonghyun..... 

I handed the pregnancy test tube to him. 

He remained awhile after heard my inform. 

"Abort it! I'm not ready to become a father yet." he calmly said like it's not a big deal.

I soon dropped my tears. But I didn't want to argue so I just agreed. 

"Fine! I'll take a pill to abort it tomorrow." I replied with my shaky voice as I was crying both inside and outside... God, it's my third time. 

Jonghyun didn't bother to console me. He took the test tube from me and threw it into the dustbin then went to bed. 

It's so hurtful.... 

I walked to pick up the test tube from the trash then put it in the bow to keep it together with my previous test tube, just to remain some memories with my previous babies we lost... No we didn't lose, we gave up on them..... God what a parent we are! 

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Next day, I went to a local clinic to get a pill. I went back home and took it to abort my baby.

"Ouch....."

The blood was coming out too much, much more than the previous two times. I lost my balance. I laid down on the floor inside bathroom. I cried while holding my stomach. I felt like I was receiving the sin from killing my baby again and again. It's so painful this time. I feared with the non stop bleeding from my vigina... It's so scary. 

"Jonghyun, I'm so scared. Hik hik babe!" 

I cried out for my husband although he has already gone to work. I wanted him to embrace him in such moment. I'm really scared..... 

After struggling all alone for a moment, I felt weaker. The white ceiling was the last thing I remembered before I closed my eyes... 

.....

It was like a few hours later, I manged to open my eyes. I was still inside the bathroom, sleeping surrounding by my own blood after abortion.

"Jonghyun..." I weakly called my husband, hoping he is already home but the