"Hyun, let's take a walk, shall we?" I heard you whispered as you held my hand tight and intertwined our fingers. I sighed. Hays, It felt home. I'm always at peace whenever I'm with you talaga, bulong ko sa sarili. 


Here we are again - same old school field where everything happened. We walked, slowly, not minding who's behind us or who passed by us. 

It's as if we own this sacred place. But then, all of a sudden, my head hurts and my heart aches the moment I plant my foot on the ground as we reached...  

"our place." 

You bear-hugged me like everything is going to be perfectly alright. It becomes blurry. I heard a lot of screams, and people started crowding around and murmuring. I hate it. I hate that I can't understand a single thing of what they were saying, but there was you.

You were there. Your gentle hands that perfectly fit mine, calms me.


"Ate!! ate!!"

I heard my sister, I searched her in the crowd. Only to find out that you were now dragged against me. I don't know what's happening but I tightened our hands and looked deeply into your eyes. 


"Hyun, I love you." I heard you whisper sincerely.


And in a blink, you're no where to be found.


"Love.." Love is the only word that I last mouthed.



I felt someone slapped me, then I heard my loud asf sister. I opened my eyes as I caressed my cheeks, I sat down and saw my sisters staring at me anxiously. 



"Must've been hurt ate HAHA got u!!" 

"KIM YERIM!!!!!"

I shouted, she then quickly ran to hide behind our sister 'cause she knows I'll choke her to death if I catch her. 

"Eww, Yeri get off me! Ang aga aga pa ang hyper mo na?! and YOU! Joohyun unnie!! you must be thankful for us cause we wake you up!!" my other sister, Sooyoung, said in her most maarte-iest tone. 

"Yes ate, you should be thankful to us! HMP! You were in some sort of weird dream na naman kaya, sabi ko naman sa 'yo let me sleep beside you na lang eh" Yeri said naman in her playful conyo tone.


So I was dreaming. Again. I don't know if it's a bad dream or a dream that I should be happy eh 'cause you were there naman.

I shrugged off my thoughts and stood up. I widely opened my arms and there they were, hugging me back. ACK I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. 

"Hay nako you two talaga, Unnie is sorry and thankful for the both of you, okay?" I said and hugged them tighter. 

"So? where's mom? Did u two eat na ba?" I asked at umalis sa pagka yakap sa kanila.

"Not yet ate, to make bawi to us, you can cook!!" Yeri excitedly said.

Sooyoung only looked at me with her 'everything is fine' face while she tossed her hand in the air. Well, she's always good with everything naman even though she's a real  nga lang pero kasi kanino pa ba mag mamana? edi sa ate ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

So ayun, I cooked breakfast nga. I think na enjoy naman nila? lalo na si Yeri, muntik pa sila mag away ni Joy eh. Inagaw ba naman yung bacon ni Joy buti nalang dumating si Dad at napigilan sila HAHAHAHA

As I was getting ready para pumasok someone carefully knocked. It was mom.


"Rene, anak. Ready kana ba talaga pumasok? I mean, we can transfer you naman sa other school." sabi ni mama na bakas sa mga mata ang pag aalala.

"Ma, we already talked about this na 'di ba? us and dad? I can handle this ma, I must try." I assure her pero parang hindi parin siya kumbinsido.

"Eh kasi naman anak... I heard from the girls na you had a bad dream again, it's just that I can't stop worrying about you kahit sabihin mong maayos ka."

"Ma.." I looked her in the eyes. 

"Ma, Second year college na ako, there's no way na mag loloko-loko pa ako. Besides, Yerim and Sooyoung will be there bukod sa I can guide them, I know they always got my back and could rely on them." 

"If that so, anak. I trust you, always." Mom said with full sincerity, then gave me the warmest hug and pecked my forehead.



We're in the car now. Ako sa shotgun seat and my two sisters are in the passenger seat, bickering. Si Dad ang nag drive sa amin papuntang school since it's our first day naman daw. Yeri is super excited, ewan ko ba sa batang 'to kanina pa bunganga si Saeron eh halos araw araw naman niyang kasama 'yun buong summer vacation. On contrary, si Joy naman iritang irita na sa pag ka hyper ni Yeri, baliktad talaga ugali nila since birth eh. Nagkakasundo lang sila kapag gumagawa sila ng kalokohan, lalo na when they pull pranks on me.

"Dad, next time ihahatid mo kami, pwede bang wag na natin isama 'tong si Yeri?" Joy.

"Dad oh, si ate inaaway na naman ako, 'di ba ako naman favorite mo?" sabay pout at pa cute niya.

Tumingin na lang sa akin si dad and then we both laughed, naasar naman sa amin yung dalawa. 

"Dad?! Why are you laughing? I'm serious here!" Joy said then heavily sighed

"Dad you didn't answer my question, does that mean hindi ako ang favorite mo? Hmp!"  

"Oh baka mag away pa kayo, ako ang favourite ni Dad" sabat ko and I saw Yeri almost tearing up.

"See? bansot? walang may favorite sa 'yo." Joy  more, taking advantage of Yeri's weak spot.

"Yeri don't cry na. You two! Stop teasing my forever baby na ha!" Kunwaring pinapagalitan kami ni Dad. Sanay naman na kami kay Dad na ganyan kay Yeri kasi ganyan din naman kami sa kanya kaya hinahayaan nalang namin ni Joy. 

He embrace Yeri then he asked "Don't cry na, it's your first day oh. Sige ka, do you wanna see Saeron seeing you like that?" agad naman tumahan 'tong iyakin na 'to nung binanggit ni Dad si Saeron HAHAHAHA. Si Saeron pala ang weakest spot niya.


Yeri is 13 - Second year high school, Sooyoung is 16 - Fourth year and I'm turning 20 - Second year college. May three year  kami sa isa't isa kaya madalas hindi kami nagkakasundo pero in tough situation we always make sure that got each others back naman. 

Dad drove us, and arrived here sa school. We bid our goodbyes and dad gave us our forehead kisses. 

"Rene, take care of your sister if you can, okay? Fighting anak!" then he hugged me at dun nagtampo ang dalawa kaya nag group hug kami.



Hays, nandito na naman ako. Pinauna ko na pumasok 'yung dalawa, papasok na sana ako sa College building nang salubungin ako nila Jen at Sé. 

Sa entrance palang rinig na naming pinagchi-chismisan na kami. Well kami lang naman ang Bermuda Triangle sa buong College bldg. 
To make the long story short, both men and women are head over heels sa amin. Well, we are who we are. 

We saw Lisa and Soo on our way at agad naman nila kaming nilapitan. 
​​​​​​
"See? kuto? sabi ko sayo sila ang pinag uusapan hindi ikaw eh, feeler ka talaga" tukso ni Jisoo

"Hay nako chu, if I know you're also one of them, chismosa ka kaya!" rebatt ni Lisa 

"Hay nako these crackheads talaga nagsama at nakita ko na naman" sabi ni Jen sabay hawak sa sintido niya.

"Hayaan mo na nini, they are fun to be with kaya, 'di ba rene?"

I snapped, I was lost in my thoughts, nag uumpisa pa lang ang klase, ikaw na agad ang hanap ko? Ba't kasi sinanay mo ako?

"uhm, yes ofc." maikling sagot ko.

"kulang nga lang sila" pahabol na bulong ko.

"Tama na nga yang asaran niyo, na high blood niyo na si Madame Jennie first day of class palang oh" natatawang sabi ko sa kanila


We're friends naman talaga, since us.



​​"Uyy rene, look who's coming" tukso ni chu at Lisa 
​​​​
"Hmm, in all fairness, consistent siya Rene ah" sabat naman ni nini

I look behind and I saw her, sure akong flower na naman yang itinatago niya sa likod niya. 

"Hey stop teasing Rene na, ano Rne? Tatanggapin mo na ba 'yan this time?" Rosé does not a help even a little talaga, sobrang prangka eh.

Na guilty tuloy ako, almost one year nadin siyang nanliligaw and out of all my manliligaw, she's the last woman standing.

"Girls, let's go na lang sa class, almost time na rin oh? First day of class, late agad???!" I said then turned around at naglakad papunta sa new designated room, sumunod naman sila sa akin since same lang kami ng program.



It's time to open up my heart again na talaga ba?



We head towards to our room, alam kong nasa likod lang namin siya but not because of me pero kasi same course rin siya sa amin.

We reached our room, we all sat down, wala pa kaming prof at oo heto na siya sa harap ko. 

"Hi Joohyun, flower? hehe" she said shyly. 

Nagulat ako when she calls me that pero mas nagulat ako sa ing white rose?


ING?? WHITE ROSE?? Argh.. I'm confused, I am now more confused. All thanks sa puting rosas na ito. 


Tangina??? Ano 'to sign? Sign ba? Shutanginaaaa?? 


"Thank you." I said and timidly smiled.

Halata naman sa mukha niyang para siyang nanalo sa lotto nang tanggapin ko ito, dumiretso siya kala Lisa at naki upo. Agad naman nag high five at fist bump ang dalawang mokong. 

"Sabi ko naman sa'yo try and try until you die eh, maniniwala ka kasi sa master mo!" I heard Jisoo and her fake annoying evil laugh

"Tanga!!" sabi ni Lisa sabay batok kay Soo

"Try and try until you succeed yun! FOUL ka don tangina ka!" sabay batok uli kay Soo na nag peace sign nalang.

"So what's with the white roses that made you accept it?" Jen suspiciously asked me

To be honest, I don't ing know. I don't know how to answer that 'cause even I, I asked myself what's with the white flowers eh?

"Stop it jen, maybe naubusan na sila ng red roses" then they both giggled and teased me.


What's with the sudden white roses nga ba talaga? at bakit ngayon pa talaga?


Hindi na ako nakasagot sakanila, mabuti nalang at dumating na ang prof namin. It was boring since first day pa nga lang talaga at lahat naman kami magkakakilala na so walang introduction na naganap. 

The class ended, then we bid our goodbyes after we talked how boring the class was. Nandito ako ngayon malapit sa parking hinanap ko ang mga kapatid ko since susunduin kami ni Dad.


"Hey Rene!" habol niya

"Hey" I awkwardly nooded

"Going home? sabay na kita? dadaan naman ako sa flower shop namin, malapit lang yun sa inyo 'di ba?" nahihiya niyang aya


To be honest, she's a good person naman eh, any one can see how genuine she is inside and out. Now' I'm super confused and devastatingly curious sa pa white rose niya. Last year kasi she never failed to give me pieces of red roses everyday, kaya nakakapanibago na white yung ngayon? I was curious about talaga and I was eager to know why.


"Uhm, my dad will fetch us eh. I was actually waiting for my sisters lang but thanks" I frankly said

"Oh okay, take care, I guess?" she said but when she's about to open her car I called her again, to answer my questions na rin.

"Hey, can I ask?"  

"Shoot, what is it?

"What's with the white rose?" I'm desperate na eh

"I mean.. like​, hindi sa hindi ko gusto yung white roses and hindi ko din sinabing gusto ko yung red. I..I mean" I stuttered, nalito ako dun ah? 

"Ahh that? akala ko kung ano na. Don't worry baka bukas red na uli yun, it's just that may some man na pumaquiao kanina ng red roses eh? I was about to get one but sabi niya special day daw ngayon nung fam niya." again, she replied shyly and scratch her back of her head. 

"I was curious lang naman pero no need naman sa araw araw na pa flower mo" I replied awkwardly.


"ATEEEEEE!!" Yerim shouted, God thank you for Yerim and her loud mouth she save me from an undying awkwardness.

"By the way, thank you uli. Tuloy na ako, my sister is here na, bye."

"Take care."

"Yeah, you too."

Tumakbo sa akin si Yeri at sinalubong ko siya kasama niya na naman si Saeron. I first hugged Saeron to tease Yeri but only to find out na nakikihug din siya sa amin, wow just W O W. Dumating na din si Joy pati ang sundo ni Saeron. Si Dad? Andito na rin syempre.

We got home, nagulat kaming lahat when only our house has no electricity in it, no light, it was dim dark. We are all worried but Dad insisted na pumasok na kami baka brownout lang daw. Nauna pumasok na si Dad para to check if safe for us to go in. Dad called us in his anxious tone, kinabahan kami but naisip ko naman si Mom kaya ako ang unang pumasok. 

I was shocked, we are all shocked. Sooyoung and Yerim held me tighter when we saw Mom and Dad holding three bouquets of red roses. Turns out it was a surprise family dinner for our first day, akala ko kami lang may bulaklak but si Momy din pala. Our mini garden was filled with red rose petals, maybe Dad first surprised Mom before us. 

We happily ate and after our little celebration, we part up to our own rooms.
All I can say is I love my family. 



I find myself staring at the ceiling, I was drowned again by my thoughts. I sat up and lit my lamp, the dim lights pointed at the picture, it was us.

My alarm clock rang, the day had risen, and the rays of dim cloud filters illuminated my room. My eyebrows furrowed, it is indeed another day of missing you. 

Weeks had passed. Every day, still, I'm stuck. The only difference now is school works are now piling up. 



"You and Miss Joohyun are partners for the upcoming activity."  Our professor said as she talked to her. I just nodded to confirm I heard it too. 


Does the universe really has a way of making path for me and you? Is this fate?


I heard our friends teased us but you ignored it, so do I. It was awkward, really awkward but you managed to shaked that off by telling me cheesy pick up line. I was comforted by that. 


Months had passed. We got close, we started to hangout. Although sometimes it isn't acad related, we now hangout with our same set of friends. I felt like my life shifted again but of course, on the positive side.


She never missed giving me roses everyday, minsan may notes at cheezy pick up line pa nga and syempre hindi mawawala ang asar ng barkada. I can now finally say na I'm now on the process of healing and I'm glad I'm not faking it anymore. 

We got so close, she knew me, kaya when I had doubts, she easily notice it and assure me saying never stop believing in me because she will never. I needed that and I'm thankful to have her. Isang tingin mo lang saakin, kabisado mo na ako, that is what I liked about you, your eyes.


I can't sleep so I checked my phone.



1:53 am - June 06, 2021 -

It's been one year and eleven months na rin pala. How could I forget? I am here again, lost in my thoughts and what if's. So two years na din pala next month? Wow, time really flew fast. 


"Hyun, let's take a walk, shall we?" 

"Dadalhin mo na naman ako field eh, hmp!"

"Hmm? why? What is wrong with that? Don't you like thattoo?"

"Nothing hehe... Yes, I like that too but.." I playfully smirked, "Gusto mo lang ako solo-hin eh, kunwari ka pa."  

"Hmmmm?" she humms teasingly

"Hey, don't act like you didn't intend it!!!" I playfully replied

"Yeah, fine.. fine.. I admit it, I surrender. I Love you Hyun, okay? I love you, Hyun."

"Then it's settled, let's go? I missed hanging out with you, acads aside." I clang and linked to her arms.

"Hey wait, where's my I love you too?" she pouts.

I kissed her lips softly and then hugged her afterwards. 

"Is that fine na ba? hmp? It should be!!" 

I was about to walk when she pulled me back and hugged me tighter and kissed my forehead. I was wondering what's wrong with her? She's extra clingy today ha? 

I disregard my thoughts and only enjoy myself with her. We've faced a lot of hardships at our age, we are eager to prove that what we felt is not just some kind of 'puppy love'. We love each other dearly, we were there for each other because we want to, and we are willing to. Planned our future ahead, we're more than ready to face the world together.

I love her. Wholeheartedly. And I know she loves me the same amount I love her, and that is what makes us perfect, balanced.


​​​​We are here again, sa the center ng field. In all sudden, my head was banging again and my heart aches all over again. 



"Hyun, I love you." I heard your whisper again clearly just like how it sounded the kanina.



​​​​​BEEP - BEEP - BEEP 

I woke up, out of oxygen. I felt like I ran a whole marathon. I felt suffocated. I woke up dreaming the same dream, again.


After that night and dream, I always felt uneasy and uncomfortable na uli, everyone noticed it, specially her. Alam kong hinahayaan lang nilaako since alam nilang gusto mapagisa, and I'm more than thankful because of that understanding space. Hindi na rin uli ako tumanggap ng flowers galing sa 'yo. Ramdam ko ang suporta sa akin ng friends ko and I'm really lucky to have them. 



July 05, 2021 - 9:30 PM

​​​​​​Text Messages - W

​​​​: Hey, I was wondering kung nakauwi kana?


I was hesitant to reply 


: Yes, I'm home. Why?


: Oh good, dumaan kasi ako sa flower shop kanina.. I was wondering kung pwede ko ba ibigay sayo 'to?


: Oh, shoot. Iwan mo na lang dyan. 


I coldly reply


: Uhm? okay take care. I'm always here for you, don't forget.


I didn't reply na, I clearly saw her umalis, scratching her nape. 


I was eaten by guilt, seeing her like that, but I don;t understand why? I sat down in my bed and think thoroughly. 



KNOCK KNOCK 


"Ate, one of your friends leave this sa harap."

I opened my door and sooyoung reached the flowers

"thank you yoongie"

I was shocked when I saw the flowers were daisies and has a note: 


 "You're not alone, Hyun.  : ) " 


This whole scene gave me goosebumps. I opened my lamp to see the picture of us, again. I saw us, my tears ended up flowing, my heart can't stop aching. 




July 06, 2021 - 12: 01 AM 

​​​​​I cried my heart out as I held these daisies and hugged the memories of ours. 

I woke up blinded by the gleaming lights. And I saw her from afar with sunsets resting in her eyes. There she was, the love of my life. She saw me and waved at me happily, you ran to me and so did I. We met halfway, and it all felt free. You hugged me tight, gave me gentle kisses on my forehead down to my nose and passionately kissed my lips. I never felt more alive than to be in domeones arms. 


"I love you, hyun." you whispered.


I kissed you again and our hugged tightened


"Hyun, it's time to let me go." 


I cried in your arms, I knew I was dreaming. 


"Seul.." 


"I know, I know you like her." 


She pat my back and calmed me down.


"Seul.. I like her" I admitted


I heard your little sob and sniffle


"I like her. I like her eyes, specially. Because those eyes reminds me of you."


"Hyun, you have to let me go now.." she calmly said sounding like she's more than ready to go.


"But Seul.. I stared at her eyes, only to be drowned by the thought of you." 


"Hyun, Love won't keep us apart, okay?" 


She held my hand and intertwined it.


We sat down in the middle of the green field, it was our favourite spot, this sacred place. 


Our space.


I stared at her, fighting my tears and still not believing she's actually with me now, holding my hand and gently placing kisses on it. 


She told me stories, sang my favourite songs, showering me kisses and bear-hugging me. Same old seulgi, the love of my life.


Seul lay down on my lap, facing me. She traced my face down to my lips. I bent down and kissed her forehead and lips. 


"Hyun, I can now rest." 


She held my hand and intertwined it again.


"You have to let go of me, Hyun." 


 I stared at her, she suffered enough. 


"Open your heart again..." 


I kissed her forehead 


"In another life, Hyun." 


I saw tears forming in her eyes and then it dropped, as I wiped it she said

"I promise to love you again and again." she promised

That comforts me. Am I being selfish?

"Sing me my favourite song please?" she pleases


I played with her hair as I sang her favorite song...

I almost didn't finish the song but I tried to


"I love you, Seulgi."

"I will love you forever, Seul." 


She wiped my tears and smiled.


"My dreams had come true. I love you, Hyun."


She stood up, kissed me as if it's her last. 
She kissed me Goodbye.