I'd been to Iwafune Station countless times. I'd boarded countless trains at this very station. This time, however, I'd be traveling further than I ever had before.

My heart was pounding at the prospect of seeing Jungkook again. Snow fell.

The day I found out, I called him late at night, well after dinner. My mom had brought gyumeshi from Matsuya. 

"You're moving?" he repeated incredulously. "You did all that work to get accepted into Roppongi."

"They're handling the paperwork to process my transfer to the public school in Tochigi." I spoke like I was reading the evening news from a teleprompter. Even though I was talking about myself, what was actually happening to me, this turn of events hardly felt like it was having any personal impact on me. I might as well have been recapping the weather in Mogadishu. "I asked about staying with my aunt in Katsushika instead, but my parents said I'm still too young to live away from them."

"I'm..." Even through the receiver, which had been pressed hard against my ear, Jungkook's pain felt palpable to me. "I'm sorry to hear that." He paused longer than usual. A dry crack hung in his voice. I knew all these things about him by then.

I was sure he was hurting. Not a single consoling word came to my mind by then. It remains for me the greatest moment of shame in my life.

By then, I started noticing how everyone's shoes had become soaked with snow. The night air chilled my lungs as I took in breath. 

"All passengers, your attention. Due to inclement weather, all outbound trains will be experiencing an eight-minute delay. Please pardon this inconvenience in your busy day."  

I hadn't even considered the possibility that one of my trains could be late. My anxiety sent a prickling sensation creeping across my skin. It seeped into my pores and struck me in my very nerves.

"This train is currently running 10 minutes behind schedule due to snowy weather conditions. Please pardon this inconvenience in your busy day."

"We apologize for the late arrival. Due to a delay in the next connecting train, we will be stopping at this station for 10 minutes. Please pardon this inconvenience in your busy day. Your understanding is appreciated."

"We extend our sincerest apologies. Due to the continuing delays experienced by incoming trains, we must stop at this station for an extended period of time. Please pardon this inconvenience in your busy day. Your understanding is appreciated."

The stoppages in service started to become more frequent. They grew longer and longer. 

I had taken the line into the part of the country which proved to be uncharted territory for me. Everything outside the window appeared to me as a savage wilderness. Even more striking to me was how slowly it felt like time was passing. My gut wrenched and turned in protests of hunger. My spirits began to dampen.

The time Jungkook and I had planned to meet had long passed. I messaged him to provide updates on the situation. He kept on insisting he would wait.

As I sat in anticipation of the next announcement from the train conductor, I pawed at the letter I was carrying in my own pocket. For the two weeks leading up to that day, I had been writing this letter. It was filled with all the things I had to tell him, all the things I wanted him to know.

"Our sincerest apologies for the wait. We will shortly be departing."

By the time I had gotten to Nogi, they wouldn't even let us stay on the train anymore. I sat crouched over in my herringbone coat, back pressed against the frigid concrete column. I compressed my body into as small a form as possible, so as to expose as little of myself as possible to the elements. The unrelenting wind whipped all around me, never ceasing in its attempt to lay what felt like all the world's cold directly on top of me.

I looked up to notice a couple of salarymen huddled around a food stall and slurping udon from steaming bowls of broth. I'd never gazed so longingly at noodles before.

I fell asleep on the way to Kuki. What woke me was the train stopping dead in the middle of the track.

"All passengers, your attention please. The heavy snowfall has forced us to make a temporary stop. Presently we are unable to resume normal service. Please pardon this inconvenience in your busy day. Your understanding is appreciated."

I checked my Casio wristwatch. Nearly 9 PM. My phone had died long ago.

The train remained still, stranded in this barren void of wilderness for nearly two hours. Time, refusing to proceed at anything more than a languid pace, clearly had malicious intentions toward me.

My only recourse was to grit my teeth, choke down the tears, keep from crying.

Jungkook, please.

Just go home.