Mina

You are counting in your head. So far, you’re breathing well until fifteen. 

You’ve woken up from the loud ringtone of an iphone. You answered it, thinking it was yours. Until you hear someone talking to you, telling you to meet up and talk about what’s happening.

There’s a loud thud on the other line. “Unnie, what happened?” You ask, startled by the sound. 

You stand up quickly to study the room you’re in, checking if you can see a wallet and comfortable shoes so you can go out and ride a cab. It’s different from your own, the scent of your favorite green tea is missing. There's only dim lighting, instead of your usual night light. Momo and Sana’s in the room too. But they’re on the floor, almost with only their undergarments on, sleeping soundly and comfortably. On a normal day you would have either, admire your two best friends, or try to squeeze in between them.

But this is not one of those days. Your head is pounding too much. You feel like spinning, at the same time, feel like you’re floating. It’s like you’re not here. And it doesn’t feel...right.

There’s a muffled voice on the other line. You bite your inner cheeks and try to concentrate but it sounds too distorted for you to understand.

“Unnie, try to go on speaker.” You say. You patiently wait for her to respond while looking around the room.

“I...I can’t breathe.”

There’s a makeup table on the corner of the room so you walk towards it. You open up the small lamp and stare at yourself in the mirror. 

Your reflection shows someone else. You can’t help but think, are you in a dream? How do you wake up from this? Because this looks...so unreal. When you answer the call, the first thing she tells you is not to freak out, but how can you not?

You hold your breath and try to focus on the call. “Unnie, listen to me.” 

“Mina? I can’t...” You can hear the girl on the other line almost gasping for air.

You move your other hand and take a look at it. It’s not shaking. Your thoughts are all over your head, making your heart run faster than your breathing. You’re panicking, but your hands are not shaking.

You are sure. This is not your hands. This is from someone you know. Someone you think of holding on to for a very long time. 

You continue to move your hand to touch your face, to pinch your cheeks. This is Nayeon’s body. And you’re in hers.

“Mina…” You hear the other person’s voice growing weaker, almost struggling to speak out your name.

You stare at yourself again in the mirror. The only logic you’d want to believe right now is you are in a dream, a very detailed and realistic-looking dream.

You place your ear closer to the phone and start to exhale loudly. “Unnie I think, I think you’re having a panic attack.”

--

Your feet are getting cold. Your toes are curling, suddenly remembering you’re only wearing slippers. You’re standing outside your dorm, waiting for someone to open the door. 

Nayeon’s phone helps in distracting your thoughts. Everytime you place your fingertips, it unlocks. You lock it, then try opening again. You remember repeating this for the ninth time, until you notice the wallpaper and stop counting. 

It shows a picture of a bear stuffed toy. There’s also a small letter with a blurry handwriting. You know this. It’s your gift after she found out you gave Jihyo a teddy bear last year. Nayeon became jealous, complained like a kid. At first you didn’t mind, it’s supposed to be a little thing you knew will pass by. After all, Nayeon didn’t hold on to petty things. But it grew, it became something you couldn’t ignore anymore. You felt too sensitive. You’re too much affected by her grumpy pouts. You’re bothered by how she’s treating you.

You wanted to get her back from...not hating you. She's already been avoiding you. And her being mad at you was something you wanted to avoid. This is something you can fix, something that can be solved quickly.

So you gave in and bought her a bear as well. It was a different one from yours, just to make her feel important. You even wrote a note and named the stuffed toy, Choco. Lastly, you asked Momo to place it in her room for surprise.

Days after, you looked forward to her post, to show it off on her bubble account or instagram. Instead, you received a personal message and a picture. It’s her, lying in bed with her eyes closed, together with the stuffed toy, almost as if the teddy bear was looking at her. 

Nabong: Choco’s fallen in love with me! I told him I already gave my heart to someone, though.

Nabong: Thank you.

Nabong: Sorry, too. I was being childish.

“Minayah…” There’s a soft voice calling you. You look up quickly, waking you from your train of thoughts. 

Nayeon’s phone almost fell from your grip. You see yourself standing in front of you. 

It’s really...you. But you look exhausted. Your eyes are in a daze, like you need another hour of sleep, maybe two or more. She looks at you too, probably thinking a lot of things at the same time.

She slaps you in your arm, leaving a stinging pain. 

“What?” You ask, confused.

“I really thought I was dying there.” Nayeon says, dryly. She’s in your body. She had a panic attack and is now on the verge of crying. You want to hold her close because there’s still a sense of familiarity, that this is still Nayeon in front of you, despite your bodies being switched.

“Hey, loser.” Jihyo joins in. She walks near the entrance, squeezing in between you and Nayeon. “Come in. We’re having breakfast.”

Jihyo opens the door wider, telling Nayeon to go back inside first. She turns to you and silently smiles, greeting you with a hug. “Mina had a rough morning. Be gentle.”

Your heart swells. Jihyo cares a lot. It’s an innate kindness, something that perfectly fits in line with the leader role. It’s been years already, but it never loses its magic, to make you feel warm from the leader’s affection. When all of this ends, you think of treating Jihyo to her favorite restaurant.

“Did you bring an umbrella? You’re all wet.” Jihyo asks. “Who am I kidding, you’re Nayeon. Of course, you don’t bring an umbrella. Go sit beside your girl. I’ll hand you a towel and…” 

Jihyo looks at you from head to toe, shaking her head in disbelief before continuing, “Probably you can borrow a new pair of shirt and shorts, too?”

You didn’t notice the heavy rain on your way here. You didn’t even change out of your pajamas since you were in a hurry.You nod shyly, walking inside with an obvious familiarity inside your apartment. You catch Nayeon in the living room, looking around, observing your sharedspace with Jihyo and Jeongyeon. You proceed to stand close beside her, careful not to wet the sofa she’s sitting on.

“Are you feeling better?” You ask.

“Your place is fully decorated. And you have a loooooot of plants here. This looks like a real apartment where I can live.”

“Jihyo calls them ‘plonce’. They're our number one plants.” 

Nayeon chuckles. “Do you also perform in front of them?”

“Well,” You smile, recalling the usual morning routine in your dorm. “Jihyo sings when she waters them. It calms her.”

It still feels weird to see your body looking like this, looking so small that even the simplest touch might break you.

But Nayeon tries to smile. Her hands are a little hesitant to move, until it reaches yours. Your hand squeezes it gently in return, moving a heartbeat faster than your mind, like a knee-jerk reaction.

Nayeon asks under her breath. “Does my voice calm you down, too?”

You remember instructing her to play that specific recording on your phone, telling her to close her eyes and listen to it. You also taught her to count her breathing. Then to call Jihyo or Jeongyeon for help. You were busy preparing to go out, too tense about everything that you forgot Nayeon was going to listen to the song she gave you.

It was a japanese ballad song. Something she recorded a few years ago when she found out you 're having trouble sleeping. It’s funny, because you know Nayeon’s been learning Japanese through Momo and Sana. You were hurt in a way, a little sulky, wondered why she’d never asked for your help. Only to find out she’s been doing it to surprise you.

You nod, holding her hand and drawing invisible circles with your thumb. “It helps.” 

“I didn’t know. You should know that I’d record an album for you.” Nayeon continues with a bitter laugh. “Sorry, I wish I knew.”

Your chest tightens, like something’s squeezing your lungs, like there’s a small part of you twisting everytime you breathe. You look at Nayeon to see yourself looking back at you.

You think it’s weird to feel this kind of pain. Is it because you’re looking at Nayeon? Or is it Nayeon’s body reacting to you? 

There’s a fake vomiting sound, followed by Jeongyeon’s laughter in front of you. “Wow, couldn’t last a day without each other?” 

Jeongyeon throws you a pair of her shorts and shirt. “Go, change. You’re whiny when you’re sick. It’ll be hell for Momo and Sana if that happens.”

You stare at Jeongyeon, surprised at the sudden snarky tone of voice.

Jeongyeon stares down on you, teasing you more with a devious smile on her face. “What? Do you want Mina to help you?”

It takes another second before it registers. You still can’t get used to the fact that you’re in Nayeon’s body. And Jeongyeon...Jeongyeon doesn't treat you the same way she treats Nayeon. She also cares for you like Jihyo does, but in a much cooler way--she pushes herself to make you comfortable, to help you even on the simplest chores. She also pretends doing it is not a big deal for her. She acts nonchalant about the extra effort she offers. But you also know the unbounded friendship between Jeongyeon, Nayeon, and Jihyo. Even after your debut, you only saw the bickering and the teasing they show in front of everyone. But there’s still a noticeable barrier whenever they’re lost on their own, whenever they’re too absorbed on one another. They don’t show it much, but when they do, you can feel them almost declaring how inseparable they can be, how no one can enter their fort of friendship.

Sometimes, you can’t help but feel envious on the relationship they have.

“Thank you, unnie.” You reply before heading to the toilet. 

Jeongyeon shouts back, offended by the way you call her an older sister, like she understands it as a mockery, instead of respect. “What did you say, Nayeon unnie?”

--

It’s been three hours since you’ve stayed in your room, talking about this whole switching mess with Nayeon.

She’s sitting in your bed, posting a picture of you two on your instagram. She says this should be the first proof to check if everything’s real. It’s a simple update to make your fans happy and also a sign that everyone sees it. 

A few minutes later, your group chat with the members is filled with emojis, congratulating both of you, teasing you as well. Tzuyu manages to say something about keeping it in your pants. While Chaeyoung says she’s glad she doesn’t have to wait until she’s an old lady to see you together.

Nayeon’s phone buzzes a few more times. You slide the notification and the kakaotalk app instantly opens. It shows a separate chat group with Momo and Sana.

Princess Sana: You’ve finally worked it out with Mina? I’m glad.

Goddess Momo: Nayeon-chan, Sana means you and Mina can now play under the kotatsu. ;) Please buy us dinner! I’m too lazy to cook. 

Princess Sana: I want ramen. Thank you! Love you!

Princess Sana: No! The kotatsu is for everyone. EVERYONE.

Goddess Momo: Okay. You want us to play under the kotatsu too, Satang?

Princess Sana: Shut up.

Princess Sana: Maybe. ;)

You call Nayeon’s attention and move closer. “Unnie.” 

“Hmm?” Nayeon’s taking more selcas on your phone, so you push the phone closer for her to see.

“You have...messages.” You say.

Nayeon pauses and reads. With a blank face, she hums before replying. “Tell them what else I need to buy. I think we’re running out of cereals, too.”

“But, Unnie.” You mope, pulling her arms to grab her attention.

“Yeah?”

“We’re supposed to talk about this.” You move your hand to point at the body you’re in, reminding her about the big issue.

Nayeon stops looking at the phone, finally finishing her series of selcas but still looking unbothered. “Here. I took photos of me in your body. I’m surprised that even if I’m in your body, I can still pull-off these cute poses. I’m glad the camera still sees my beauty as Nayeon.”

She shows you pictures of close up shots, mostly her doing the same duck face. You stare at these, frowning, thinking of how long it will take to clean these new selcas on your phone.

Nayeon grins on the other hand, admiring the pictures she’s taken. “This should be more proof. Besides, instead of thinking of this as a dream, we should consider this real.”

“This? For real?” You ask.

“Yes. Mina, come on, we need to be prepared.” Nayeon then grabs her phone from you. “We should share the locks on our phones, too. My notebook’s in our dorm, but we’re lucky we’re on our three-week break so it’s safer. Still, we need to figure out each other’s schedule.”

Nayeon is suddenly talking too fast for you to digest everything. She continues to talk about how you use your free time and what clothes you usually wear. 

You exhale deeply before tapping her, cutting off her long speech. “Shouldn’t we figure out why this happened first? What if, what if we don’t return to our bodies anymore?” You ask, confused about Nayeon's calmness about...everything.

“I don’t know.” Nayeon chortles. “But I also know both of us don’t give up easily. I just know we won’t stop until we figure this out. Or maybe you’re right. We’ll wake up from this dream, right?” 

But you know nothing felt right since you woke up. You wonder, how can Nayeon still find the courage to push through today without panicking? How can she still connect everything that’s happening with logical decisions?

Nayeon smiles, her eyes turning soft as she moves her hand. Slowly, she pats your head gently, a gesture she used to do whenever you were  nervous about not performing well, or when you were worried about what will happen after the end of your fame. This is Nayeon assuring you that it’s okay. She’s beside you. 

You give her a smile in return. You understand that there’s no guarantee about the future. But out of all things you're not sure of, you never once doubted Nayeon. She always carries this certainty in her voice, always shows you an unwritten promise of withstanding difficulties.

For now, you believe her.  Nayeon’s answer is enough for now.

Nayeon stands up, looking satisfied at your reaction, before walking into the mirror. She stands and tilts her head in different angles, studying her new body.

Nayeon asks, “So tell me, what am I supposed to do today as Mina?” 

--

Another hour has passed and not much has changed. You decide to have a shared calendar with Nayeon. You explain the features first, assure her the information entered in the said app reflects real time. This is a better guide for your schedules, instead of Nayeon’s first suggestion of sharing a physical notebook.

“Come on, I may be bad at technology but I’m not that bad. I got this. I just have to click the date and enter the details, right?” Nayeon says, pressing on the phone. She swipes her fingers and furrows her eyebrows, contemplating something.

She moves closer to you then, her body a little pressed on your skin. Your eyes widens, heart skipping a beat at the sudden closeness between you two, your body too stiff to move. Suddenly, everything between you and Nayeon is magnified. You stare at Nayeon, watching her slowly tuck some fallen strands of her hair behind her ear, admiring the simple gesture in front of you. 

You can’t help but remember the museum you went to with Jihyo, every painting makes you feel a lot of deep emotions. Nayeon makes you feel the same way, the similar confusion, similar intensity of emotions. You don’t understand a thing, but you know how mesmerizing she is. You notice Nayeon’s breathing, heaving in sync with yours. You feel your stomach churning, in a light feathery kind of way, ticklish even. You can’t help the smile escaping from your lips. 

Your cheeks must look red from the sudden rush of emotions. It’s as if you’re seventeen again, too naive about pining over someone who looks...kind of perfect. Someone like Nayeon. 

You are not sure what to do about these feelings. But you’re sure this is weird. Are you getting attracted to your own body? Is this how Nayeon feels when you’re close together?

Nayeon gives you a questioning look. “Okay, what did I do wrong here? Why isn’t it showing?”

You scoot to the opposite side of the bed, forcing yourself to create a safe space between you and Nayeon. “Uh, you forgot to click save, unnie.”

Jihyo’s shouts in the background, saying something about a visitor in your dorm. You simply dismiss it, thinking it must be Jeongyeon’s older sister.

You concentrate back at Nayeon and ask, “Do you have a schedule today?” 

Nayeon moves again to the other side of the bed. You’ve been here half a day yet she’s moved more than your whole stay here. It’s one of the reasons why everyone, especially Tzuyu, would sometimes describe Nayeon as a child. She just can’t stay still. She has an attention-span of a four-year old kid. One second, she's taking pictures then suddenly, she's making your heart go wild. 

She tries to reach her feet this time, smiling proudly at the flexibility of your body. You remember telling her to warm up for your yoga class later today with Jihyo. “I really can’t remember. But I know I have one today.”

There’s a knock on your door. You reply, diverting your attention to transferring your schedules on your shared calendar. “Come in!”

Nayeon sees the person first and screams in joy. The new girl jumps on the bed and surprisingly, hugs you so tight. You glance over at Nayeon, who takes a little while to understand what’s happening. Nayeon looks disappointed but hides it into a tight smile. 

“Unnie!” The younger girl screams.

Nayeon clears and holds your visitor’s hand, reaching out first. “Hi, Yeri!”

“Mina unnie, we’re on the touchy side now? Hello!” Yeri seems to be dumbfounded by the new closeness, but smiles nonetheless.

“Silly, of course you can touch me!” Nayeon continues, she pleads with a meaningful stare, something that looks in between sorry and help.

Y