Some of you might already know I was and still am sick(though I deleted the old blogs because I felt pitiful and I didn't want to become annoying with my problems), while some of you might not know.

For the most part, I tried to continue writing but I can no longer manage it due to debilitating physical symptoms and my mental struggle to cope. I tried being positive, happy, but it's very hard when I'm literally trying to ignore reality and force my body to be okay despite it being sick. I honestly don't know how this will pregress, I've already been taken with the ambulance twice, I stayed in the hospital, and yet doctors fail to diagnose me and insist it's all "things in my mind" or that I'm "imagining these symptoms" just because I have a history of anxiety and they don't understand what's going on(or rather, medicine in my country is limited and ignorant, not doing their best for patients). Even my family started doubting me at one point so imagine feeling completely alone on top of being dealt unfair treatment and suffering without relief. There were days when they told me I'm just "unrested" and "scared" and need psychiatric help if I don't stop being like this, but being like "this" is not in my head. My head hurts and feels heavy/foggy/not like I used to feel normal in the past, my vision started having problems, I feel awful and sometimes I can't eat without feeling nauseous and like it worsens my head, and all meds I take affect my brain and body worse(they accuse me of making it up but it's not, I feel really not okay). Weak. Sick. That's about it. In a few days I'll do the MRI head scan, but I know even that won't really solve much. I feel the need to open up because my family screams and won't let me even utter t