CHAPTER 1

[2020 March 2^nd] [2 MONTHS AGO]

Everybody fixed their eyes on the awfully clumsy woman who tripped as she made her way inside the lecture hall. Not even the professor would have cared about her entering the class 40 minutes late if she walked in quietly, but she did make quite a scene.

In a hurry, the woman sprinted on her way to the lecture hall without minding her steps. She tripped, tumbling at least three steps down the stairway. “Aww…” She groaned. Her hands wandered around, clueless of which to hold unto first and merely feeling the ache escalate in her system.

Few gentlemen offered to help, while other students were still in shock. They were gasping and groaning in pain on her behalf. Some were wincing, imagining how painful the fall might have felt.

“No, no. Please don’t mind me.” She tries to shoo those who offered a hand.

The professor himself knew how embarrassing the moment was so he tried to be nice by acting like nothing happened. He then proceeds with his lecture.

After getting a hold of herself, she primps up and grabs a seat. Everyone appears to have shifted their attention to the lecture, except for the gorgeous-looking woman a seat away from her. Despite the fact that another person was sitting in between them, she could distinctly feel the gaze she was giving her.

“Are you alright? That must have been painful.” The woman whispered with concern. “I’m Sooyoung, and you are?”

The clumsy woman contemplated considering that she's not the type to make friends on her first day, but she decided not to be rude. “I’m Joohyun. Bae Joohyun, and yes, I’m fine. Thanks.”

Sooyoung extends her arm for a handshake, feebly hitting the face of the person in between them. The woman caught up in between glowered at Sooyoung. She’s been struggling to concentrate on the lecture from their exchange of greetings, and now a hit on the face. “Seriously?”

“Oops, my bad. Anyway, Joohyun, this is Seungwan. As you can see, she’s kind of-- daunting.” She flashes a cunning smile, convincing Seungwan to introduce herself.

“Shut it. I’m trying to listen here.”

Joohyun couldn’t help but wince from the rude treatment she’s given. Though she understands where the woman was coming from. They’re in the middle of a lecture and she’s trying hard to concentrate.

Right when she, too, got to focus on the lecture, Sooyoung kept distracting her. She was trying to get her attention rather by insistently whispering. “Hey… Miss trip-and-fall.”

“Heeeey~”

“Y-yes?” She responded, slowly leaning forward to look at Sooyoung in the eye. With Seungwan in between, it was kind of hard to see the taller woman.

Noticing how Joohyun struggled to lean forward, Sooyoung giggled. Seungwan, on the other hand heaved a sigh before continuing to note down what the professor was going on about.

“You know, you can just lean back to see me better…”

“Ahh… right.” Joohyun complies and leaned back.

“Dummy.”

The two women, both baffled, stared at the nonchalant Seungwan.

“Don’t mind her. She’s got no social life that’s why she’s like that.” Sooyoung whispers to Joohyun as she seemed to be perplexed, staring at Seungwan still.

The clumsy woman wasn’t offended at all, to be honest. She’s no smarty-pants and she is aware. What caught her off guard was the fact that a person, who she met the first time, said it, right in front of her. “Or maybe she’s got no social life BECAUSE she’s like that.” Joohyun giggles to make her comment less serious.

Sooyoung also giggles knowing that Joohyun wanted to tease the woman in between, but the latter can’t seem to take the joke in. “What?” She finally shifts her attention to Joohyun with a glare.

“What?” Joohyun whispers back.

Without saying anything, Seungwan took her belongings and stood up to leave. She shoved Joohyun’s legs out of the way with hers to walk through but her foot landed inaccurately. She missed a step, causing her to trip like the clumsy woman not too long ago.

Every eye in the lecture room was glued on her soon after. Even the professor who refused to mind her when she stood up was disturbed.

“I see we have a lot of comedians in this class.” The professor says, driving the class to burst into laughter.

Seungwan, on the other hand, cursed under her breath, feeling defeated. When it was Joohyun who tripped, the professor distracted the students by ignoring her, but when she tripped, he even had the guts to joke about it. Where’s the justice? She grumbled.

“Are you alright?”

“Step away from me.” Seungwan mumbled frigidly to refuse Joohyun’s helping hand.

“Don’t mind her, she’s always like that. You’ll get used to it. Why's she trying so hard to listen anyway? This is more of an orientation than a lecture.” Sooyoung attempts to help Joohyun loosen up.

After the incident, Seungwan chose to sit somewhere farther from them to focus on the lecture, but now it’s bothering Joohyun. She believes her offending joke a while ago was the reason why Seungwan decided to move away so she kept taking glances at her instead of listening.

“By the way, do you happen to have classes after this?”

"I have an hour break before my next class. Why?”

Sooyoung smiled at her, linking their arms together. “Let’s hang out. I’m starting to really like you. I can tell you're fun to be with.”

Fun to be with? At some point, she’s hoping that the tall woman would not regret what she just said. Fun? Hah! The word boring won’t even compare to how she actually is. Though she can't help but get that kind of impression due to her clumsiness.

She seized Sooyoung’s intense eye contact to study her face better. Looking at how her eyes are sparkling, they appear to be very sincere. The same goes for her beaming smile. Joohyun made what was perhaps a slip of the tongue and blurted out the words “You’re gorgeous” and then looked away as an act of instant regret.

It’s not like it’s the first time Sooyoung heard such a compliment, but hearing it from Joohyun felt flattering. “I thought so too… until I saw you walk – or trip – into the room." She responds. "By the way, what’s your major? I'm in business management.”

“Business? I major in psychology.”

Sooyoung’s smile disappeared instantly. “Oh. Then we’ll only get to see each other in this Sociology class.”

Hearing the tall woman sigh somehow made Joohyun feel happy inside. It shows how Sooyoung genuinely wants them to be friends. She can't help but make a big deal out of it since she just transferred to the university and she doesn’t have any social skills to make friends.

“But Seungwan majors in Psychology too.”

“Eh?!”

“Y-you have a class?” Joohyun repeats in disappointment. Sooyoung promised to give her a campus tour, but it turns out she misread her schedule.

“I’m sorry. I thought my lecture would be an hour later.”

She’s been looking forward to it so she’s quite disappointed. Though she can’t really complain about something so shallow. She just smiled to assure Sooyoung she was okay with it. “It’s alright. We can do it next time.”

About to bid her goodbye, Sooyoung catches a glimpse of Seungwan walking towards her locker. “Or why not do it now?”

“Huh? You’re going to ditch your lecture?”

“What? Of course not.” She giggles. “I meant you should do it with someone else.” Dragging the clueless woman by the wrist, they marched towards Seungwan by the corner.

“Seungwan~ I have a lecture to attend.”

“So?”

Her responses kept baffling Joohyun nonstop. Compared to how outgoing Sooyoung is, this woman reflects the exact opposite. Now that Joohyun tried to observe closely, the difference sure is noticeable. From their behavior, the taller woman divulges confidence, elegance, and kindness while the other exudes rudeness, rudeness, and nothing but rudeness. Unlike the other, she’s not well-spoken nor friendly.

Even their way of dressing contradicts. Sooyoung wears clothing of brighter colors. It’s obvious that they’re costly as they’re stiff with embroidery, but not the type to appear as “too much.” And Seungwan? She’s dressed in clothes that are rather simple and monochromatic. One wears make-up to look seductive while the other one chooses a mysterious appeal.

“Give her a campus tour please? For me?” Sooyoung pokes Seungwan by the shoulder since she refused to look at them.

“I’m busy.” She shuts her locker and walked away.

“Why that—“

Joohyun, feeling unnecessarily embarrassed by the situation, held the tall woman by the wrist. “Hey, it’s alright. I’d be happier to do it with you next time.” And with happier, she meant literally. Just the thought of doing a campus tour with the grumpy woman makes her uncomfortable. She might as well delay and wait for Sooyoung.

“Ugh, what should I do? I’m almost late for my lecture but I feel like I shouldn't leave you here.”

“I’ll be fine on my own. An hour won’t be too long.”

“Are you sure? Ah… speaking of entering lectures late, you shouldn’t attend lectures that are halfway done. It’s better to excuse yourself for the day. The school might not look like it, but it actually runs with strict discipline.” Sooyoung advises her.

Reminded of why she came in late, she gets back the cold and clammy palms and gets back to her nervous state. “Oh my… Sooyoung, I almost forgot. I have something I need to do. You should get going too. See you!” She panics and ran away leaving Sooyoung confused.

Joohyun breaks into a sweat. After running away, her legs brought her to the nearest bathroom. She made sure to slide the bathroom latch, locking her inside then felt her heart that was threatening to burst forth from her ribcage. Dear that was exhausting, she exhaled.

“Ugh! I almost forgot I saw them today…”

Joohyun may not be on the brainy side, but she has discipline too. She’s not the type to appear more than half an hour late. It just happened that this morning, she saw her high school bullies on campus, which she did not expect at all.

Every time she mentions bullies, nobody ever believes her. Nobody ever believes that even good-looking people like her get picked on. But that's not the case. Sure, good-looking people are spared, but not DUMB people. She applies to both conditions, and people overlooked that side of the truth.

Joohyun knows she didn’t do anything wrong. All she did was confess her messed-up feelings. It’s not a crime now, is it?

There’s nothing wrong with it. The problem is that she chose to confess to the wrong person. Or she MISTAKENLY confessed her feelings, I should say. That’s probably why the word spread out so fast and why she became the school’s laughing stock. It was quite dramatic so it's a story she wished never to be told again.

It happened during her last year in high school so she felt like it would be a waste to stop in the middle of the semester. She endured, and thankfully, she made it through the school year.

BUT… Even after she graduated, she couldn’t celebrate much as she was rejected by every university she applied to. Aside from the impact of the bullying she experienced, it was her grades that failed her. She then resorted to taking a gap year and tried again. Luckily, a university accepted her.

The university where she completed her freshman year wasn’t that bad. She was actually doing well there. The only reason she transferred was that she moved into a new home. To a much bigger one let’s say.

“Why here of all schools?!” She slams her head against the wall. Surprisingly, the person from the opposite side of the cubicle thumped the wall back as if warning her to shut up.

“S-sorry.”

More than half an hour passed and Joohyun is still problematic in the bathroom stall. She’s about to wreck her brain trying to think of ways to avoid ‘those people’. Of course she had no plans prepared at all. Who would have thought she’d be attending the same University as them? She even took a gap year at that.

Her clouded mind is wiped clean when the person from the other cubicle started sobbing. Now that she thinks about it, the person was already there before she came in. It’s been 45 minutes and she’s still there… crying.

Joohyun skeptically taps on the cubicle wall to call on the other person. Nosy? It’s not that. She’s more like reminded of her old self. Reminded of how she used to lock herself up in the restroom to cry because she didn’t have anyone to turn to. The place almost became her safe haven— while at school at least.

“Excuse me? Are you alright? I don’t mean to pry—“

“Mind your own business…”

Joohyun flinches. Well that was uncalled for. “O-okay.” She utters in embarrassment and grabs all her belongings to get out of there.

Almost reaching the exit door, she pauses. A saint is definitely not what she is, but she finds it difficult to walk away, knowing that a person is out there, swallowing her sobs. Maybe this is why people live up to the saying ‘Ignorance is bliss’? She doesn’t even know who’s in there, yet she can’t bring herself to ignore it.

Maybe I can wait for her to come out? …but my lecture is about to start.

Shortly after, Joohyun catches the sound of a door latch unlocking. She turns around immediately but froze when the person she refused to ignore stepped out. “You?!”

“What the…” Seungwan, as dumbfounded as she is, wiped off every trace of tears from her face.

“It was you all along?!”

“Get lost.”

Joohyun makes effort to come closer. “Hey, are you alright? I heard you, uhm… cry.”

“Don’t you dare talk about what happened today.” With that, Seungwan walks past her.

Joohyun stops her from leaving by clutching her arm. It’s not her intention to go that far. It’s not like they’re even close to begin with. It hasn’t even been 2 hours, but it’s what she thought was right to do. “I don’t know what it’s about, but… keep fighting, alright? Also, you should tell a friend about it at least.”

No different from how uncomfortable it is to do your ‘thing’ in a noiseless restroom, the mood is not pleasing at all. Joohyun had her eyes wandering around to avoid eye contact while the younger kept gawping at her arm that is tightly clutched onto. “The hell are you blabbering about? Let go.” Seungwan complains without losing the evident frown on her face.

“You mean ‘let’s go’ right? Sooyoung told me you’re a psychology major too. Can I tag along?” She lets go of the younger’s arm. “It’s almost time for the lecture, and I’m not familiar with the building yet… Please?”

Following the release of Seungwan's arm was a release of her heavy sigh. “Don’t sit near me.”

Joohyun, although hesitant, agreed with the blatant warning. For now, the goal is not to be late again. It’s her first day, she should leave a good impression— even though she messed up half of her chances already. When she promised herself to have good friends this time, a good impression probably comes first.

Joohyun made it to the lecture hall five minutes early by tagging along. Not sure if that’s the right term though. Seungwan and she were like 10 meters apart (as requested by the grumpy one.)

As for the seat, she chose one that was five rows away to not get on Seungwan’s nerves. She even scanned the room hoping she’d find another lonely companionless person like her before settling down. And there was none of course. Most of them probably met during their freshman year. The only solitary person left in that very room is that grumpy woman.

But Seungwan is not a good option and it’s best to oblige to her conditions. Even if they can’t get along that well, Sooyoung is still on her radar. She wants friends… and friendship entails sacrifices. If that means putting up with Seungwan’s complex personality, so be it. She needs at least one friend.

Sooyoung will do.

For years of studying, people rarely sit beside Joohyun in class. They always reason out that sitting beside a pretty —gorgeous— person brings about a different level of intimidation which causes them to lose focus.

But to her surprise, someone actually came by to sit with her.

As said, it rarely happens. Thus, Joohyun overlooked the fact that she was already staring at the bob-haired woman.

Is it because of her own sense of fashion? Or is it her conservative personality? She wasn’t quite sure, but something about the way this person dresses screams the word ‘provocative.’

Don’t get her wrong. She has nothing against her so-called seatmate’s style nor of any significant other. In fact, she’s quite impressed. She’s just staggered.

“Staring is considered rude you know.”

“Oh… sorry.”

“Transferee?”

Joohyun nods in response without looking back, afraid she might end up staring again.

The bob-haired woman, after going through her jeans pocket, hands out her student ID with one hand while her other hand gestures to Joohyun to do the same.

“Is this how you usually introduce yourself?” Intrigued Joohyun asks.

“Sort of. I don’t like sayin’ my name.”

“Why though? I think your name’s pretty.”

“Well that’s why.”

“Ahh… Is it too girly for you? Lalisa…”

The bob-haired girl returns the favor of staring. “Wow. That’s a first.”

“First what?”

“First correct guess. Now shut up, the professor is here.”

WOW was the only word Joohyun was able to come up with. Whether it’s not her lucky day or the school is just full of cold-blooded people, she’s not having it. Sure the University itself is nice. It is well built and the professors are nice. There are a lot of things to try too. But dealing with people who lack warmth—ugh.

[2020 MAY 2^nd] [PRESENT]

It’s five minutes before midnight and it’s been an hour since Seungwan had her eyes glued on the monitor screen. She was still stunned by the email she received the other night that she never bothered to come out of her room. More so, she missed two of her weekend lectures.

Nearly déjà vu, her phone buzzed a few times. It was against her will, but she knew she had to check on it since she missed her part-time shift as well.

Messages Forward

MR. KIM

Hey, U not coming? Your shift is about to start…

Seungwan rarely showed up late in any of her shifts. When she knows she’d arrive late, she chooses not to go instead. It has been her principle to respect her workplace—or workplaces rather. Hence her co-worker’s worry.

Messages Forward

MR. KIM

Hey, U not coming? Your shift is about to start…

Sorry, but I don’t think I can come tonight.

That's OK. I can cover for u. I don’t have classes tomorrow anyways.

Thanks.

She was about to put her phone down when another message came in. It was from Joohyun. All-day long, she had been bugging her with text messages, asking if she was alright or if something came up that she didn’t attend her lectures.

Messages Forward

JOOHYUN BAE

Seungwan-ah? You’re late…

Are you ok? Something came up?

Hey, it’s not like you to miss your lectures. I’m worried. Pls text me back.

Are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong again?

I thought we're ok now? You even answered my call last night.

You’ve been more distant to me for a month now. Please talk to me at least? I really don’t wanna go back to being strangers again.

Seungwan…I have something to tell you. It’s about Sooyoung.

I know I should’ve told you about this earlier but I didn’t want to make you feel worse.

Her scrolling gets interrupted by a notification. It’s here, she whispers, opening the mail she’s been waiting for. Since receiving Sooyoung's mail from last night, she couldn't bring herself to sleep nor move around. It's been a month since she's been gone, and Seungwan barely got the hang of ignoring the distressing rumors circulating around. So why now?

She puts her phone down and clenched her fist. Anxious, she opens the mail to read.

Email

Urno.1fan < Urno.1fan @sy.rv>
(to me)

12:00 AM
(0 minutes ago)

Hey manner-less Wan~

[It’s March 2^nd today.]

I’m really excited to be writing this, but I’m disappointed in you. You read that right. What should I do with you?

I was really happy meeting Joohyun today. You know I rarely approach strangers first, right? But you were still rude as hell. The heck was that about? You should have other friends other than me! What would happen to you if I left or something? (But no worries, I won’t.)

Anyway, nothing much happed today because of your behavior >.< You even left for work without saying bye to me. Joohyun too. I guess she has matters to take care of.

I hope the three of us are close enough to hang out by the time you’re reading this. I know, we too are not that close but at least close enough to respect and smile at each other. You know what I’m saying?

See you tomorrow! (Be nice okay? OKAY.)

Your number 1 fan,
y Sooyoungie~

Reply Forward

Since Seungwan can’t really verify whether the email was in fact a scheduled email from her, she had her doubts. But right now… The nagging, the name-calling, and the concern… it screams Sooyoung without a single hint of fakery.

The next few minutes became one of the countless times where Seungwan was angry at the universe. Extremely mad, for introducing them, only to take the other far away. She wipes her tears away to check on her phone that just buzzed.

Messages Forward

JOOHYUN BAE

Seungwan… Sooyoung went to see you that night :(

Suicide. That's what they said. Her parents and everybody else said it was suicide which I refused to believe. No, not Sooyoung. Not with her personality. But then I looked back, and I realized she's been telling me about things I never cared about. She had a lot of complaints I chose to ignore. She's been telling me about her worries and I acted like I never noticed. Thus I felt somehow responsible. But life goes on and I had to forgive myself. I was just starting to... I was just about to...