--

Then: a clipped exchange, Acquiescence poorly masqueraded as Resolve, yet crumbling all the same. A quiet breath and the whisper of a sigh.

“Don’t patronise me!”

“Going to the States is something you’ve always wanted—even before me, before us.”

"Fine. Remember and don't regret this, Taeyeon. That it was you who gave us up."

Now: she’s sitting in the airport, all alone, watching the tides of people, meld together like the waves in a sea. Amongst them, the reunions of family, the embracing of parting lovers and then there are the untethered, alone, those not unlike herself. Her gaze dips down to her hands, taking in the spaces between her fingers and she thinks of another set that would fill them—. The emptiness feels much more pronounced now, echoed in the way her chest aches at the finality of it all. The lingering feeling of regret crawls into her, settling the way it does, like the gradual lengthening of a shadow over time. It is almost as if the entire world had come down to that exchange she had with Tiffany, and everything she had done since then had all been to rectify her mistake. They were efforts in the present to compensate for her past inaction.

Her right hand reaches up to rest upon the side pocket of her jacket, in which a one-way ticket remains safely tucked.

This is what she tells her family and friends: She's going on an adventure. That new scenery will inspire new creativity…for her writing. That this is a much-needed vacation.

But Taeyeon knows she is not fooling anyone, least of all herself. She sees it in their pity-laden and sympathetic eyes that follow her around with concerned attentiveness. It's a bitter pill to swallow—feeling like everyone else can see her mistakes, like she's wearing them on her sleeve.

Maybe it’s another thing that drives her to leave, the realisation that she's doing this to escape as much as it is a pursuit of her love.

The announcer calls for boarding.

This might not be her brightest nor wisest idea. She’s prone to impulsivity, she knows that and actively surrounds herself with people who naturally serve to ground her. Seohyun, Yoona… and even her ex, Tiffany to an extent. They weren't here to stop her because she hadn't let them.

Taeyeon lifts her head, glancing towards the gate before wiping her palms on the material of her trousers and standing, slightly dizzy.

She needs to do this, no matter how impulsive. To fix things.

The noise of the airport echoes around her, like waves gathering and breaking. She draws in a deep breath, before walking to join the end of the boarding queue.

She doesn't let herself look back.

--

It takes a while for the reality of her actions to sink in. One minute she’s sitting alone at the bar in some place downtown, a drink sitting on the table in front of her, untouched, and the next, the panic begins. To be honest, she hadn’t thought she’d manage get this far. What is she even doing? If she’s honest with herself, she’s blindly chased after her ex-lover, holding onto that slim chance of making things right and it’s gotten her to a foreign place, all alone miles away from home.

The light touch that lands onto her shoulder startles her out of her thoughts.

“Hey, are you alright?” A soft voice with a distinctly feminine lilt asks, drawing Taeyeon out and away from the panic happening in her head. Everything comes back into focus. She hears glasses clinking and the animated chatter that is so characteristic of places like these. Inhale. Exhale.

Taeyeon turns to find a woman around her age, her hair is dyed a shade of brown—chestnut perhaps, her features delicate and undoubtedly attractive but what strikes her is the clearness, and sharpness that glimmers within the other woman’s dark brown eyes.

“Jessica.”

“What?” Taeyeon replies dumbly. Blinks a few times too.

“My name.” Jessica's lips curve into a tiny smile, a smidgen of amusement.

Taeyeon feels heat, rise and seep into her cheeks, staining them a shade that almost matches the lipstick of the other woman, “Oh, um, Taeyeon.” She offers back.

“Taeyeon.”

Jessica says, rolling the syllables around in , testing its weight, its sound.

“Taeyeon.”

Taeyeon hears her name once again, this time with phonetics that are distinctly Korean, fumbled slightly through that of an American’s accent.

“Pretty name.” Jessica says earnestly. She slides effortlessly into the stool next to Taeyeon, folding her arms and resting them on the countertop. "You're not from around here, are you?"

Taeyeon shakes her head.

"To be honest, I came on a whim...for someone."

She finds Jessica's watching her, expression unreadable. When their eyes meet, something in them incites an odd feeling that catches Taeyeon off guard. A taste of understanding and of being understood maybe?

"I'm here in a whim too." Jessica says, carefree, like it's the most straightforward thing in the world.

"No, this is a mess actually…What am I doing?—I can't believe I flew all the way here to apologise to..."

It occurs to Taeyeon that she hadn’t had a plan at all as to how she was even going to approach the issue or solve what had come between her and Tiffany…This was why she filtered her impulses with the help of level-headed individuals (whom she’d willingly forsaken this time).

Jessica's hand gently touches her forearm. Taeyeon’s entire being stills, save for the single rhythmic beating of the heart in her chest.

"Chase after a love?" Jessica offers carefully, voice as gentle and as light as her touch had been.

Taeyeon presses her lips together. The silence itself enough of an admission.

Jessica makes a strange sound that gets stuck halfway in , somewhere between a small laugh and a sigh.

"So, we're all—in our own ways—a little heartbroken, aren’t we?” Jessica’s lips draw up into a gentle curve.

It's poetic, Taeyeon thinks and briefly wonders what a girl like Jessica has got to be heartbroken about.

When Jessica hops off from the stool, she turns and looks at Taeyeon, eyes full of an unknown yet hopeful expectation.

"Come with me, Taeyeon. Let me introduce you to my friends. You look like you could use some company."

Taeyeon hesitates, though just for a brief moment, and decides she could do with a distraction. She grabs her drink off the counter and tips it back. The liquor is cool as it slides down .

Jessica waits for her patiently, and when Taeyeon is done, her fingers find Taeyeon's wrist, pulling Taeyeon along behind her and into the warm embrace of night.

--

Jessica's friends are intense. They take her into their fold with a well-practiced ease, and Taeyeon half wonders how many strays had come before her.

There's Yuri, a tall dark-haired woman with a head of dark hair and lighter coloured highlights. The woman extrudes an intimidating appearance that belied her energetic and somewhat dorky demeanour.

Then there's Hyoyeon, a loud personality and a dancer through and through, evident in the way her charismatic and effortless movements both on and off the dance floor.

Taeyeon throws her head back as she downs another shot and finds that her fears are beginning to become crowded and smothered by the heat of dancing bodies, loud music and flashing lights. Instead, when she closes her eyes, all she can see is the imprint of Jessica’s grin behind the dark of her eyelids.

She becomes familiar with the challenging glint in Jessica’s eyes as their gazes meet. The burn of alcohol welcomes her as shots are exchanged and matched.

The night begins to blur after that.

--

Taeyeon wakes to a sore neck and blinding sunlight streaming into the room from between the cracks of the curtains. She blearily clambers upright from where she had been lying on the old couch, rubbing at the sleep in her eyes. is dry, and the aftertaste of alcohol and something else lingers upon her tongue, coating it with a staleness.

Taeyeon shifts to look around, finding the décor to be minimalistic at most—a flat screen TV, some strategically placed potted plants, and the couch upon which she had evidently slept last night. A cobweb daintily clings to one of the upper corners of the room.

The sound of running water in another room catches her attention. Taeyeon pushes off from the couch, feeling the soreness sinking into her joints from a night of poor rest. She wanders into what seems to be the kitchen. Jessica’s standing at the sink, face bare, looking comfortable. The oversized t-shirt she wears barely covers down to her thighs and Taeyeon’s hit with something that feels like guilt feeling like she had been staring a little too long to be appropriate.

Taeyeon clears .

“Hey.”

Jessica half jumps, turning towards Taeyeon.

“Oh! Morning, Taeyeon.” Jessica says as she shifts, a slight look of sheepish guilt marring her pretty face.

“What are you doing?”

“Making breakfast?” The statement sounding more like a question leads Taeyeon’s eyes past Jessica and to the mess behind her. A questioning eyebrow is raised.

Jessica holds her gaze, now brazen.

It’s Taeyeon that cracks first. The start of a laugh bubbling up inside her chest and bursting out from between her lips. It shouldn’t be this amusing, but it is.

“Sorry,” Taeyeon says, “it’s just that you managed to mess up toast?”

Colour floods Jessica’s cheeks, staining them with the tell-tale signs of embarrassment and she huffs as she turns away from Taeyeon.

“It’s just me here and I’m not home often, so it’s not often I get to cook for a guest…”

“I wouldn’t call this cooking.” Taeyeon quips.

“Guess not.” Jessica shrugs and silence gently envelops them.

The thin, white cobweb in the other room comes to Taeyeon’s mind, a twinge of something settles into Taeyeon’s chest, nudging softly at her heart. She steps forward and sidles up next to Jessica.

“Here, let me try.”

Jessica nods and let’s Taeyeon lead breakfast duty for two, watching with attentive eyes and helpful hands.

“Are you planning on doing anything tonight?” Jessica asks as the eggs in the pan sizzle and crisp up.

“Why?”

Jessica’s demeanour changes and as she smirks at Taeyeon, Taeyeon feels the rush of adrenaline that accompanies the thrill of danger.

(Just how deep did the rabbit hole go?)

--

This becomes her new routine—an existence lived between sunsets and sunrises. Her life back in Seoul feels like a distant dream and she’s caught in a limbo between where she’s going and where she’s come from. Like a layover stop—a continuous month-long layover stop.

With Jessica (and her friends), the days are long, and nights are even longer. She barely knows what day of the week it is, let alone the date, yet it she can’t bring herself to care, because she’s come to know other things.

Like the smell of Jessica’s perfume, the way her nose crinkles in distaste over cucumbers and the sound of her laughter—like a reminder of childhood summers spent listening to chimes in the wind.

It’s all a bit surreal, her life having taken on a dream-like quality. And Taeyeon? She’s somehow gotten herself suspended mid-air, floating in a dream like state, neither falling nor flying.

And Jessica: the girl of her dreams—of this dream.

(Taeyeon barely lets herself dwell on thoughts of Tiffany before she lets herself be willingly swept away into the limbo again.)

--

A dingy bar, again. A New Year. The world around them imbued with the high of celebration, of beginnings, of promises. Bated breaths held for the start of a new era. A new decade, a new chapter.

Taeyeon glances through her lashes at Jessica sitting across from her and sees Hope.

The countdown hits zero and the air around them swells with noise, the pitter patter of fireworks bursting onto the canvass of night sky an allegory of her heartbeat. The squeeze and release of tightness in her chest. Something within Taeyeon finally bursts free and blooms.

Soft supple lips touch her own, a breath is collectively exhaled and Taeyeon feels the weight of the year lift off her shoulders. In front of her, Jessica’s eyes are still closed, a serene stillness upon her face, the surface of a lake on a cool morning.

Taeyeon’s not one for new year’s resolutions – but she’s making an exception.

She’s decided to put the past behind her, and to live for the present from now on.

Call it romantic or call it pathetic, Taeyeon didn’t care. Let foresight be damned.

It’s a testament to her growth.

(Or so she keeps telling herself.)

--

Under the strobe lights, Taeyeon catches a glimpse of Jessica as she threads her way alone through the crowd of dancing bodies and towards the exit. She mutters an apology to her unnamed dancing partner and finds herself pulling away and following after the brunette.

“Taeyeon.”

It’s Yuri that comes between her and the door leading outside. Going by the pair of eyes at the bar that look to the two of them