‘’Can I book an OR for a ventricular resection? Today if possible? My patient’s ready.’’ Joohyun said walking into the Nurse’s office. Nurse Choi checked the OR planning, looking for a free one.

‘’Kang’s surgeries all got cancelled so we have… one in 30 minutes. You’re sure your patient’s all ready?’’

‘’Yes. Her doctor told her to get ready for a heart surgery since he did not want her to wait.’’ Joohyun said, taking the marker from the nurse and writing her name on the board. ‘’Want to be my main nurse? Only 2 nurses, surgeon, my sister and me. It’s Seulgi’s mom. So we keep it on the low.’’ She asked. She thought that since Seulgi trusted nurse Choi a lot, it was the logical choice to have her on her mother’s surgery.

‘’Cool. I’m jobless for today anyways, so.’’ Nurse Choi cringed and Joohyun looked at her with a stiff smile. Hesitating for a bit, the nurse asked. ‘’Was this planned? Her quitting?’’

‘’I’ve got no idea.’’ Joohyun replied with resignation, she did not even want to think about it. She knew it was hard for Seulgi to barely speak, but to say something which was on her mind was even harder. But somehow, she took this one personally, feeling as if she failed to be there for Seulgi when the latter needed her.

She felt as if since they crossed the physical barrier, going further than platonic that Seulgi was closing herself in. As if she was scared of showing her emotions like before, in fear of something Joohyun did not know.

‘’Rumors go fast in this hospital.’’ Nurse Choi said, breaking Joohyun out of her reverie. Joohyun furrowed her brows, tilting her head to the side. Nurse Choi chuckled, shaking her head. ‘’I’ve been betting for years that you two would end up together.’’ She said, making Joohyun beet red.

‘’How come Dr. Bae approved a ventricular resection on the same day of the admission of patient?’’ Sunmi asked Seungwan when the latter entered her desk.

‘’She was supposed to have one either way. All scans were done everything. I just needed confirmation for it. She didn’t recklessly schedule it.’’ Seungwan explained, closing the door behind her. ‘’Why did you let Seulgi quit?’’

‘’I’m stepping down from my position as Chief of Surgery. You are in the list of plausible candidates, along with Dr. Han, Dr. Bae and three other candidates from other hospitals.’’ Sunmi announced sternly.

‘’Wh-what? Why?!’’ Seungwan asked, her eyes wide as saucers.

‘’I hate this job, I hate managing people, I’m a doctor not an HR for ’s sake. I should be in general surgery, not kissing asses of investors.’’ Sunmi complained, looking at Seungwan. ‘’I honestly  hope they don’t vote for you, so you can keep on practicing.’’

‘’Seulgi’s pissed you won’t let her in the auditorium. And that you said it will be an easy surgery!’’ Seungwan stormed into the preparation room, where Joohyun was washing her arms.

‘’She’s a member of the family, of course I won’t allow her. And it is a relatively easy surgery. For me or you. You know it.’’ Joohyun calmly replied, recounting each steps in her head.

‘’You stop her heart.’’

‘’As in almost every surgery.’’

‘’You shouldn’t even be doing this! You’re related to Seulgi!’’ Seungwan raised her voice and Joohyun stopped all her actions to glare at Seungwan.

‘’If that was a problem, you would have never transferred her to me. Don’t act like it’s such a big of a deal because of what you saw.’’

‘’I’m not going to argue with you before a surgery, but you lied to me about all of this.’’

‘’I was simply respecting Seulgi’s privacy. I wasn’t going to go and tell everyone wasn’t I?’’ Joohyun asked Seungwan who clenched her jaw.

‘’Just go into surgery and don’t this up.’’

After the four-hour surgery, which went on without any complications, Joohyun was left with Nurse Choi, both of them washing their hands.

‘’You know, Seulgi’s told me the very next day.’’ Nurse Choi started with a smile.

‘’Hm?’’ Joohyun asked, glancing at the nurse’s hand, specifically at the ring she was putting back on.

‘’That she was dating you. Or she thought she was.’’ The nurse chuckled.

‘’What? She did?’’ Joohyun asked in a whisper letting that piece of information sink into her brain. She never would have guessed that Seulgi would have told anybody, especially Sooyoung Choi out of all people.

‘’She confides a lot in me. She’s like my little sister, it’s fun.’’

‘’I see.’’ Joohyun nodded, wondering what kind of things Seulgi could be telling the senior nurse.

‘’She’s trying. She really is.’’ Nurse Choi added letting Joohyun finish washing her hands by herself.

Joohyun checked her charts one more time, making her way towards Seulgi’s mother room. Seulgi was trying, yes she knew that. She could see it. Seulgi was trying, always making sure that Joohyun was feeling well. That she got enough sleep. That she was sure she could speak whatever was on her mind. That was not what was bothering Joohyun. Seulgi would not open up. As much as Joohyun knew her and could guess her moods, accommodate and help get through it. But they were now in a relationship, she wanted to understand Seulgi. She wanted to be there for her more than just physically. Even just give her pleasure. Now that she thought about it, Seulgi wouldn’t even let her see her fully or touch her. As close as they were as friends, Joohyun felt a bigger distance growing in their relationship. And she did not know how to break that wall.

She walked inside Seulgi’s mother room, which was still unoccupied since her mother was in the wakeup room. Considering the heavy surgery she would not be awake at least seven hours from now on, letting Seulgi sleep for the night at least. She walked inside the room, focused on her chart, hearing some giggles.

‘’Oh sorry. I’ll come back later.’’ She announced seeing the intern, Kim Yerim talking with Seulgi.

‘’Oh no, it’s okay, I’ll go. I’ll go.’’ Yerim got up and bowed. Seulgi stayed on the couch, her smile wiped off once she saw Joohyun. Yerim awkwardly greeted Joohyun before disappearing.

‘’Your mom’s going to wakeup in seven hours or something.’’ Joohyun started looking at Seulgi who was still sitting on the couch, running a hand through her face. She seemed tired, her hair a bit greasy and her clothes all wrinkled out.

‘’Don’t you want to go home and shower?’’ Joohyun tried again. ‘’Seulgi… Please. Let’s rest and talk it out.’’ She sat next to Seulgi, caressing her thigh, running a hand through her messy hair. Seulgi hid her face in Joohyun’s neck, taking a whiff of her scent. She smelt sterile, just like the OR. God, Seulgi missed that smell, she realized.

‘’I’ll shower here.’’ Seulgi rasped out, ‘’let’s go mine.’’ She said and got up. Joohyun only acquiesced following Seulgi to the attending’s lounge in silence. She was used to Seulgi’s silence, but this time it felt awkward, a weight pressing in on them.

‘’Seulgi’s not your toy to play with.’’ Seungwan announced entering the attendance lounge, leaving the door open. Joohyun looked down, not ready to have any kind of conversation with her friend.

‘’What makes you even think I am doing that?’’ Joohyun pinched her nose, taking her white coat off, then her top scrub.

‘’Because that’s all you do with people! I know what you did to him!’’ Seungwan exclaimed, garnering some curious stares from the nurse station afar.

‘’I didn’t do anything.’’ Joohyun pointed with her finger at Seungwan. ‘’You don’t know . I did what I had to do. Don’t ever even compare Seulgi to him.’’

‘’Why did you even start this with Seulgi? You know she needs someone to take care of her, she needs someone who will do that.’’ Seungwan insisted.

‘’Oh please Seungwan. Stop bullting. You don’t even know what you’re saying right now.’’

‘’I know that after her last relationship, what she needs is is-‘’ Seugnwan started again.

‘’Shut up.’’ A soft voice said, and both women turned their heads towards Seulgi who came out of the shower with wet strands of hair. She looked at Joohyun who had still only her bra on, with her bottom scrubs on.

‘’Seulgi, that’s not what I meant.’’ Seungwan started, but Seulgi ignored her looking for a sweater and gave it to Joohyun.

‘’I’m not your kid.’’ Seulgi added and once more and when Joohyun finished putting her sweater on, she grabbed her by the arm, dragging her out of the hospital under the curious gaze of all the staff.

‘’I don’t need you to take care of me.’’ Seulgi said in a whisper once they arrived at the basement parking, next to her car. ‘’I- I- don’t.’’ She said and Joohyun nodded her head.

‘’I don’t want to be a b-b-burd-burden.’’

‘’You’re not, baby, you’re not.’’  Joohyun answered, caressing her cheek.

‘’It’s hard to say stuff… Without being a burden.’’

‘’Seulgi… I want to hear you say stuff. Does it burden you when I tell you what went wrong in my day or in general?’’ Joohuyn asked and Seulgi shook her head, hiding in Joohyun’s neck.

‘’It’s the same for me. I’d rather hear you say what’s wrong, that to guess. We can take all the time you need. Maybe it all went too fast.’’ Joohyun added in a whisper, pulling Seulgi closer, the other girl nodding her head.

‘’I thought I was ready.’’ Seulgi mumbled in Joohyun’s neck, tears streaming down her face.

‘’You will be. I’d rather take my time and enjoy us fully, than getting too fast into it.’’

‘’You noticed?’’ Seulgi asked, peeking at Joohyun. At this time the parking lot was empty, over the years they got to know the place well, and when everybody went out. They often liked to stay late, talking here next to their car before returning home.

‘’That you wasn’t ready?’’ Joohyun asked and Seulgi nodded her head. ‘’I did. It wasn’t hard when you’d hide from me sometimes, or when Nurse Choi started talking less to me about your surgeries, or the fact that you… that you…’’ Joohyun cleared . ‘’Well didn’t seem to be willing to be intimate yet. I’m sorry if I rushed you.’’ Joohyun admitted with a shy voice and Seulg immediately shook her head. She grabbed Joohyun cheeks, still shaking her head.

‘’Restart?’’ Seulgi rasped out with her voice weak.

‘’Restart.’’ Joohyun agreed and Seulgi pecked her on the lips. ‘’Let’s go home, make some tea for your throat and sleep a bit. Okay? Today’s been exhausting.’’