[CONTENTID1] Who am I [/CONTENTID1]

[CONTENTID2] The thought of this feeling, whatever it is I feel whenever I’m with Heechul, being something else from what I first thought it was,

it frightens me.[/CONTENTID2]

[CONTENTID3] 

Ever since I was a child, I remember having no problems approaching others and making friends. Maybe you can chalk it up to kids being simple, that there’s no big deal and that you can befriend whoever sat next to you or lent you a crayon that one time during art class. Whichever it was, I never encountered a problem fitting in anywhere.

I was fairly popular too, not to brag. But I was never really that interested in anyone. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve tried going out with people before, but never really to the point that I wanted to spend so much time with them.

I just never got interested enough.

University rolled around, and my parents mentioned something about moving places. I didn’t really mind if we moved. It was not like I was particularly sad about losing connection with people I knew from where I grew up. Maybe a change of air will do some good development for me, too. I shrugged and answered my parents that I was okay with whatever, as long as I continue to study. I wasn’t particularly expecting anything fun or sad to happen.

What I didn’t expect, however, was for us to move countries. I passed an application as a foreign exchange student for fun. At that time, the people around me said it would be interesting; I wasn’t expecting to get accepted.

It wasn’t like I have difficulties studying. It’s just that I wasn’t expecting to suddenly encounter the need to learn a new language and writing system to continue studying. I cannot ask my parents to let me bring an interpreter everywhere I go on campus. I won’t learn that way.

I tried and did my best to learn the language. At least enough to make sure I won’t get fooled by a random person who’d suddenly nab my money, leave me barefoot and wandering around Seoul. I was still quite rusty with my conversational skills, but at least I know my way around and to and from university and the main house.

The entrance ceremony rolled around. The sea of unfamiliar faces and foreign muttering noises sounded like white noise to my ears. For the first time in my life, I felt nervous about coming up to someone to introduce myself while searching for my assigned seat. For the first time in my life, I had silly thoughts like, what if I mispronounced something and got laughed at for being dumb with at language? It was like I was a kid all over again.

I muttered excuses and nodded my head to students who were busy chatting with whoever was next to them. If they are already acquainted with each other before all of this, or that morning was the first time they talked; it was as if that didn’t matter to them.

“Um, is something sit here?”

“Hm? No one’s sitting there. Go ahead and sit down.”

The guy flashed a friendly smile at me; I ree of mine, full of nervousness. He turned back to the other guy on his other side, they were laughing about something, and I can vaguely make out their topic to be a singer’s new release. I sat still on my seat, fidgeting and spinning my phone around while subtly roaming my eyes around the area. The podium was set, but there was still about 10 minutes before the ceremony was supposed to start.

“Hey, are you alright? You seem so nervous.” The guy I talked briefly with earlier turned to me once more, his eyebrows scrunched up lightly this time. Somehow, even the people beside us who he was talking to are now looking at me curiously.

“Ah? Ner-vous? Sorry, my Korean is not that good yet.” I slowly churned out. The guy beside me smiles again, nodding lightly. “That’s understandable. Where are you from?”

Somehow, the more this man talked to me, the easier words seemed to come to me. I noticed he was speaking speedy earlier when I was overhearing him with other people. Still, he was considerably slower in speaking with me. Maybe he was tired; perhaps he was considerate of me being new to the language.

“By the way, I’m Heechul. You are?” My new friend introduced himself to me when we were leaving the assembly area. Turns out he was going to the lecture hall next to mine.

“I’m Geng. Ah, Han Geng. Nice to meet you, Heechul noona.”

“I’m not a noona! I’m a guy, you know!”

That was just how everything went better.

Because we kept running into each other, it was inevitable that Heechul and I will become friends. When I got better at speaking Korean, he dragged me to sit with him and his friends at the Engineering people’s table. When our first university week rolled around, I’ve been flung from the start to the end by Heechul and everyone else.

For the first time in my life, I actually feel like I enjoyed being around someone.

Somehow, without me realizing it, I’ve been included in that particular engineering kid’s table. Even though I wasn’t originally friends with all of them. I share some lectures with some of them, but I see Heechul the most, whether I like it or not. Not that it’s a bad thing, though.

A few months late