When we start loving someone,

When we start spending time with them,

When we start sharing our life with them,

Do we ever stop loving them one day?

“Damn it, this —!”

Jongwoon hears the loud curses and annoyed grunts before Hyukjae eventually storms out of the room, hair disheveled as he hastily buttons up his shirt. Still in the middle of cooking breakfast, Jongwoon blinks as he stares at his boyfriend who’s muttering another string of curses before frantically searching for his bag in the living room.

“Argh, hyung!” Hyukjae turns on him with a fiery look in his eyes. “You… You were supposed to wake me up earlier! Now I’m late because of you!”

Jongwoon blinks, and a lump rises to his throat as the memory suddenly comes back to him. “A—Ah, right… I forgot…” he admits sheepishly. “Sorry, I—”

“Sorry?? Is that all you can say??” Hyukjae blurts out incredulously. “This is the third time I’m late for work and my boss might fire me today. And all you can say to me is that you’re ‘sorry’???”

Jongwoon winces as though he’s been slapped. Guiltily, he says, “Really Hyukjae-ya, I’m sorry, it’s just that…”

But Hyukjae has already waved him away with a dismissive hand, an annoyed look on his features. “You know what? Forget it. Everything slips your mind nowadays. Must be because of that empty, idiotic brain of yours,” he snarls, and Jongwoon feels like his heart has been stabbed. “Don’t live your life like this. It’s embarrassing.”

Jongwoon watches, pained, as Hyukjae grabs his coat and car keys and strides towards the front door.

“Hah… so useless. You can’t do anything right, can you?” Hyukjae mutters under his breath, loud enough for Jongwoon to hear, and shakes his head afterwards. Then he leaves.

Jongwoon stares at the boiling pot of soup in front of him and suddenly feels drained.

If you intentionally hurt the one who’s precious to you,

If you keep on taking them for granted,

Does that mean you’re not in love with them anymore?

The moment he leaves the house, Hyukjae already knows that it’s going to be a bad day. He misses the bus stop and has to wait for the next one, and when he boards it, there’s a huge traffic jam nearby and he has to wait for about fifteen minutes until it eases up.

When he finally arrives at his workplace, panting and out of breath, dressed in slightly wrinkled clothes and hair looking windswept, his boss clicks his tongue disapprovingly and asks to speak with him during lunch period.

As expected, when break time comes, Hyukjae flinches as he’s being reprimanded by his superior for being late again, and it’s the third time this week, Mr. Lee, if you aren’t going to take your job seriously, then I will have no choice but to let you go.

A last warning.

Great. What a way to start the afternoon crunch.

But the turning point of the day is when he’s dealing with an unreasonable customer during his last hour.

“What do you mean you can’t help me with my account?!! What kind of employee are you? What kind of incompetent hired you, you stupid son of a ?!”

Hyukjae winces as he tries his best to swallow the hurtful words away. “Sir, in order to help you, I will need your ID card details—”

“And I already ing told you that I don’t have my ID card with me right now, you deaf bastard! Hah, this is why employees like you are . You’re the most useless of them all, aren’t you?! Can’t even do anything right with that empty brain, huh? If I were your boss I’d fire you on the spot out of embarrassment, you—”

But Hyukjae isn’t listening anymore. The words hurt; they stab into his heart and bring with them a weight so heavy that it brings him down physically. However, the rude stranger’s words echo in his head, familiar as they are, and the hurt he feels begins to intensify into a whirlwind that threatens to swallow him whole.

“Sorry?? Is that all you can say?? This is the third time I’m late for work and my boss might fire me today. And all you can say to me is that you’re ‘sorry’???”

“You know what? Forget it. Everything slips your mind nowadays. Must be because of that empty, idiotic brain of yours.”

“Don’t live your life like this. It’s embarrassing.”

“Hah… so useless. You can’t do anything right, can you?”

Hyukjae grips his mouse so tightly that his knuckles turn white. A few of his co-workers are glancing over at him sympathetically, noticing the frustrated tears that are gathering in his eyes.

But they don’t know the real reason why he’s crying.

How do you know you still love them?

When his shift ends minutes later, Hyukjae hastily stands up from his desk and begins gathering his things.

I need to go home as soon as possible and apologize to Jongwoon—

But as soon as he prepares to leave, the roar of a thunderstorm interrupts him and he pauses in his tracks to stare out of the large glass window, watching incredulously as the rain pours down in torrents.

It’s simple.

No storm is going to stop me, Hyukjae thinks to himself determinedly, speeding up his stride until he reaches the elevator.

My words were uncalled for. How could I have said something like that to him?

Hyukjae remembers the moments Jongwoon has taken care of him, the days when he was sick and Jongwoon was the only one he could rely on. He remembers coming home to a warm-cooked meal every night, even though most of the time the food was bland, but the effort was very much appreciated.

He remembers their arguments when Jongwoon blamed him for not working hard enough, for slacking off and attending too many evening gatherings. He’d said some hurtful things back then too, but he never called Hyukjae useless. He never told Hyukjae he couldn’t do anything right.

God… what the hell is wrong with me…? Hyukjae groans internally, blaming himself and cursing his existence over and over in his head. I must’ve been crazy…

No amount of stress could validate the hurt I caused him. I should’ve been more mature.

Damn it. Hyukjae curses again as the elevator opens and he rushes out, startling the people around him as he bumps against them on his way. I’m so sorry, hyung.

I’m coming, wait for me.

You don’t hesitate to swallow your pride and admit your mistakes.

When Hyukjae finally bursts through the front doors and begins to search the road for a taxi, he stops short when he sees a familiar figure waiting not too far away, holding a blue umbrella over his head.

“Hyukjae-ya,” Jongwoon calls out with a smile as he waves at his boyfriend with his free hand.

And Hyukjae represses the urge to cry.

How?

How can you smile at me like that as if I didn’t hurt you earlier?

How can you still look at me like that, like you still love me even though I’ve been taking you for granted lately and not cherishing you enough?

“Wait there, I’ll come to you,” Jongwoon calls out again as he patiently waits for the pedestrian light to turn green.

But Hyukjae doesn’t want him to wait.

He doesn’t want Jongwoon to keep waiting for him any longer.

And when you realize you’re in the wrong,

You’ll do anything to make it up to them,

To show them that you still love them.

As soon as it turns green, Hyukjae moves.

He walks. Then he runs.

He runs with all his might.

Jongwoon watches him with wide eyes, lips parted open in surprise. “Wait, what are you doing??” he exclaims incredulously as Hyukjae braves through the rain, already soaked to the bone. “You don’t have an umbrella!”

Hyukjae finally reaches him, shoulders heaving and breathing uneven, with strands of wet hair matted to his forehead and cheeks. Jongwoon immediately holds the umbrella over their heads, but makes sure to cover Hyukjae the most.

Did you know?

On rainy days, people can measure how big their love is.

“You… wah, you’re seriously so dumb,” Jongwoon says, shaking his head as he laughs in disbelief. He reaches out and brushes away the wet strands from his boyfriend’s face, a warm smile curving his lips. “Why were you in such a hurry? You could’ve just waited for me. Now you’re soaking wet. I don’t wanna mop the floor when we get home, got that?” he adds lightly, teasingly.

But Hyukjae doesn’t say anything and only stares at his lover’s face, his throat tightening at the sight of Jongwoon’s kind eyes, his genuine smile, and the deep, loving tone of his voice. Hyukjae can see the tiredness under those eyes, can see the fatigue by the slight worry lines on Jongwoon’s forehead, can see the selflessness through the way the rain is relentlessly pelting down on Jongwoon’s shoulder but the latter doesn’t even mind it one bit.

“Hyung, please,” Hyukjae says, his voice cracking slightly as he covers Jongwoon’s small hand in his and tries to move the umbrella’s handle his boyfriend’s way. “You’re getting wet, too.”

Even when they share umbrellas,

As everyone holds them at different angles,

It’s clearly visible how big their love is.

“Does that even matter right now?” Jongwoon chuckles, wrapping his free arm around Hyukjae’s shoulder. “You’re wetter than I am. Now, let’s hurry home so I can dry you off before you catch a cold, okay?”

“But… I…” Hyukjae suddenly finds himself tongue-tied and he hates it. “Hyung, I… I need to tell you something.”

But Jongwoon is already leading him towards the direction of the bus stop, hand on the younger’s back as he gently guides him while walking. It takes Hyukjae a brief moment to realize that his feet seem to be glued to the ground, and Jongwoon is already looking at him in confusion.

“Hyukjae? What’s wrong?” Jongwoon’s words are laced with concern as he reaches out to feel his boyfriend’s forehead temperature. “Are you feeling unwell? Should we sit down for a bit?”

“No… No, I’m just…” Hyukjae shuts his eyes and grabs Jongwoon’s hand, cradling it to his chest as though it were something precious. “Hyung… I’m really sorry about earlier.” He opens his eyes and looks straight at his lover, desperately trying to convey his sincerity. “I was a jerk... I shouldn’t have said those things to you…”

The remaining vestiges of his pride melt away when Jongwoon smiles at him, nodding his head understandingly. “It’s okay. You were stressed, it’s okay… I was at fault, too…” His warm eyes slowly turn melancholic, and the sight of it crushes Hyukjae on the inside. “I know you didn’t mean them.”

“Yeah, I didn’t mean them at all,” Hyukjae is quick to deny, quick to reassure Jongwoon, desperate to assure him that he didn’t mean anything by them.

And it’s the truth.

Because, sometimes, with family, or with the ones you’re sharing your life with, you can get carried away. Sometimes, you take their feelings for granted and focus on your own emotions, and then you say words you don’t mean but you just want to hurt others just as much as you’re hurt on the inside.

And you take the ones you love for granted because you know that they’re the only ones who can tolerate your outbursts. You take advantage of this, but then soon the regret will also come.

It’s normal for couples to fight a lot. Sometimes one might even cross the line. One might even give up. Or one may carry with them a bucket of pent-up sorrow and bitterness.

Either way, it hurts, and Hyukjae knows that he will do his best not to do it again.

Hyukjae grips Jongwoon’s hand and squeezes it, pulling his lover towards him until the latter bumps against his chest. The rain doesn’t fall on Jongwoon’s shoulder anymore, and Hyukjae pulls him even closer until there is no longer an existent gap between their bodies.

“Even though you say you understand, I still want you to know… that I’m sorry. I’m sorry for hurting you.”

Hyukjae’s voice is low and sincere, and Jongwoon sighs. Gently, he makes Hyukjae hold the umbrella while he wraps his arms around his lover, encasing him in a warm, tight embrace.

And although the rain is pouring down in sheets, although the icy breeze sends goosebumps through their skin, the warmth of the hug just inexplicably wards off the cold and makes them relax.

“Thank you for saying it, Hyukjae-ya,” Jongwoon says softly, affectionately. “I needed to hear that.”

Hyukjae bites his lip to keep from crying, and he hugs back with his free hand, gripping his boyfriend so tightly like he never wants to let go.

“I won’t say those things to you ever again. I swear to you,” Hyukjae promises as he whispers into Jongwoon’s ear.

“Hm, okay,” Jongwoon hums nonchalantly, closing his eyes. “You’ve always kept your promises.”

Hyukjae smiles, almost laughs, but holds it in as tears prickle the corners of his eyes. “Hyung… let’s go home.”

As they let go of each other and begin giggling in excitement and panic while trying to fend off the rain, Hyukjae makes sure to let the umbrella cover Jongwoon as much as it can, raising his arm a bit more to accomodate for their height difference. Jongwoon protests at this, but Hyukjae doesn’t allow him, so they walk towards the bus stop while arguing.

And Hyukjae makes sure never to let a single drop of rain fall on Jongwoon as much as possible. Even when his own shoes become soggy and his wet sleeves and pants are sticking uncomfortably against his skin, Hyukjae can’t bring himself to care.

So, love and rain come hand in hand.

“Hyung…”

“Yes?”

“I love you.”

“Heh… cutie.”

“Um…”

“What?”

“Uh… don’t you… to me, too…?”

“Pfft. Idiot. Of course I do.

“Of course I love you, too.”

Don’t forget that you love each other.

Be disappointed that you cannot cherish each other better.

And promise for a better tomorrow.

fin