Shotaro was working nonstop and it was exhausting. He was rarely ever home anymore and that was a difficult change when all he wanted to do was lie down and sleep. Luckily, nausea was no longer hindering his ability to go to work and was more of an afterthought now, thank goodness. He had an appetite again, had gained a few pounds, and was doing okay, but exhaustion was the biggest bother, especially now that he had two jobs consuming his time. His jobs were necessary for funding his life for hopefully a foreseeable future, but it was so difficult to juggle and balance and it was getting in the way. Eighty-five-hour work weeks were his normal, and he had time for nothing else. Shotaro was doing his best but knew he wasn't doing everything he could, including the most important thing.

Shotaro had meant to make another appointment with the clinic after failing to show up to the first but he was always so tired and always so busy, and it was nigh on impossible to make that call with a clear head and ample time. Due to this, he still hadn't confessed his lies to Yuta and it was embarrassing to admit but even two months later he still had not seen a doctor and still had not told the truth. He knew how bad that was and how badly he needed to meet with a doctor to make sure the baby was okay, but he had no time and no money. And he was afraid. Being told he was pregnant was terrifying, even if he already knew he was pregnant, and he wasn’t ready to be a parent. It was nerve-wracking trying to figure out a major life event and near-future events with strangers that spoke a language better than him. There would be so much he wouldn’t be able to understand and the frustration he gets thinking about it is enough to deter him from seeing a medical professional for help. In short, he was sparing his pride and was preventing awkward conversations he wasn’t ready for. 

Shotaro had convinced himself that he was okay on his own, and with his diligence he was going through the motions and symptoms with pregnancy and everything that followed. Going to a doctor would make it official and Shotaro was not ready for that. It was ridiculous, he knew that, but he was handling this the way he thought was best. He still had plenty of mental preparation to complete before he would be in a decent place. 

For now he was managing on his own and didn't think he needed that much professional help anyway. He'd been using the endless internet as a guide and so far it had helped, searching up everything he could when he needed to know. He'd done his research online about prenatal supplements and other such things and had several bottles lined up on his kitchen counter so he could remember to take them in the mornings. He had changed his diet accordingly on his own and was always trying to stay on top of his meal plans. In addition to his health, Shotaro checked for weekly updates on Baby's development to get a better idea of what they were like at that time, with an estimate of how far along he thought he was. From what he could get from the internet, Baby was most likely the size of a nectarine if he was right about the conception date. Honestly, he had no idea, but he was most likely close to or in the second trimester and that was terrifying as well. Time seemed to fly and drag simultaneously.

With all aspects of his life keeping him busy mentally and physically, Shotaro had more or less dropped off the face of the earth, disappearing out of nowhere and confining himself to hours upon hours of work. He was always at the academy teaching and lesson prepping or at the cafe, the second job he had picked up for the sake of money, and he was always out of his apartment, and this worried who the most? Sungchan, of course. He was the one who noticed the sudden lack of Shotaro the most and wanted to know why he was no longer around. 

Within the last two months, Sungchan had seen Shotaro a grand total of two times, but during those two times, Shotaro hadn't even given him the time of day. Sungchan had seen Shotaro once in the lobby as he was leaving the apartment and Shotaro was entering, returning home after a long day on a Friday night. He looked exhausted and his whole body was slumped, shrunk in on itself, feet dragging behind him with his hands shoved deep into his pockets. Sungchan had attempted to strike up a conversation, asking where Shotaro had been lately and if he was doing well, but Shotaro seemed disinterested and seemingly off about it. Sungchan was picking up on what he believed to be discomfort speaking to him and that had never happened before, not even when they first met and there was that huge language barrier. Shotaro genuinely did not want to talk to him and Sungchan hadn't known why, so he had left it for the time being, telling Shotaro to get some rest and he would talk to him another time. In response, Shotaro had only nodded with a quiet 'goodnight' and had gone on his way, picking up the pace to get further away faster up the stairs. It had been such an odd exchange that Sungchan hadn't been able to stop thinking about it even when he was at the bar with several of his friends that night. He had agonized over it for hours until he was tipsy enough to lose focus and forget his problems. The worry only returned when he awoke the next morning and pushed past the hangover banging at his skull. It hadn't been too pleasant, and on top of it, he was still anxious and worried for his friend. 

The second time Sungchan had seen Shotaro, three weeks after their last encounter, he had been doing laundry in the laundromat connected to their building. He'd only just started a load in the washer and was getting comfortable in a nearby seat, a book in his hand to pass the time it took before he had to move his clothes to the drier. He had been so immersed in his reading that he almost failed to greet the person who walked into the room, too lost in the fantastical world on the pages. Luckily, he lifted his head with a friendly smile to say a soft 'hello', and was surprised to see Shotaro carrying a comically full laundry basket into the laundromat. He looked even more exhausted than before, something Sungchan hadn't thought was possible, and again his body was slumped and he was dragging his feet. The bags under his eyes were dark and a deep purple, and his cheeks looked hallowed, skin pallid and white. He looked sick to be quite honest and Sungchan could feel the worry burning a hole in his chest. 

He had waited until Shotaro set his things down on the ground before approaching him, thinking of what to say to his friend he hadn't seen in so long. When he got closer he realized Shotaro had propped himself on the edge of his hard plastic basket with his arms locked, head hung between them as he tried to catch his breath. It was disconcerting and it made the anxiety swirl faster in Sungchan's gut. He cleared his throat and spoke as collectedly as he could, "Are you okay, Taro hyung?"

Shotaro's head whipped up so fast he nearly stumbled back, eyes wide in shock. He knew that voice all too well, and when he made eye contact with Sungchan he straightened up, chest heaving with heavy breaths. Shotaro was so tired he was finding it hard to breathe properly. It didn’t help that the baby was probably growing up towards his lungs and taking up space already. He had looked it up beforehand and it made sense, "Oh, hello, Sungchan," he paused, tongue going dry in his mouth, "I didn't see you when I walked in." 

Sungchan nodded with a soft smile, trying to figure out the best way to approach the topic without overwhelming Shotaro, "You looked a little preoccupied and too tired to really see me," he had been sitting on the opposite end of the laundromat, the furthest washer from the entrance, tucked away in a hidden corner between two stacks of double driers. Sungchan didn't blame him for not noticing his being there, "I hope you're doing alright," he genuinely hoped Shotaro was doing better than he looked, "I haven't been able to ask you that in a while."

Shotaro gave a shy, not genuine laugh that didn't sit right with Sungchan, "I'm doing just fine, I'm just really, really tired," he tried to bite his tongue to keep from telling Sungchan everything about his busy schedule and the trials it came with. Sungchan was too easy to talk to and share everything with, but Shotaro couldn’t. Not when this was a problem for him as well, "I'm still trying to adjust a bit to the country and the climate. I thought it would be better at this point, but apparently not,” a nervous laugh followed, teeth forcing a fake smile that was nearly chilling. 

Sungchan nodded along and could see the wheels turning in Shotaro's head. He looked panicked in thought and before Sungchan could ask if he needed anything or if he wanted to talk about it, Shotaro was rolling his eyes and huffing, coming out more like a wheeze with a crooked smile, "Ugh, I totally forgot to grab change for the machines. I need to go back to my flat and grab some," he awkwardly laughed and grabbed the edges of his laundry basket again but before he could heave it up, Sungchan was speaking again and cutting in.

"I have some spare change if you need it. I broke a larger bill and have more than enough for both the washer and the drier if you need it. I don't mind," he started to fish in his track pants pocket, feeling the cool metal of the coins brush his fingertips. He had way too much he wasn't going to use, since he didn't carry cash, and helping Shotaro was never a nuisance. It was something he wouldn't mind doing all the time. 

Shotaro straightened back up, using a hand to rub at his opposite shoulder as if urging a better response from himself, "No no, I couldn't ask that of you," he shook his head, more nervous laughs leaving his chapped lips. It was unsettling to Sungchan, so different from his usual, bubbly laughs. There was something off and he wished he knew what it was, but he didn't feel now was an appropriate time to ask such deep questions. Not in the laundromat at least. 

"You're not asking, I'm offering," Sungchan amended, finally pulling out the right amount needed to start the washer first, "I really don't mind. If you need it I’ll hand it over," Hell, he'd hand it over even if Shotaro didn't need it. He wasn't too big a fan of change and he would happily give it away, especially to Shotaro who always worked so hard. It would be considered a small gift, "It's no problem at all." 

"Thank you, but no thank you," Shotaro smiled, eyes remaining dull and lacking that usual gleam he always had. Sungchan felt his throat tighten, missing the sight, "I'll just go back to my apartment where I already have a bunch of change I need to get rid of," he nodded his head and then bent over again, this time successfully lifting the overfilled basket.

Sungchan stepped in again, sticking an arm out to rest on the ellipses of the basket to keep it in place, "You can leave your stuff here if you'd like. I'll still be here for a while and I'll make sure no one takes it," he offered as he attempted a lighthearted quip, but it didn't land as Shotaro smiled nervously yet again. He hadn't even spared Sungchan a modest giggle, "And the trip will be easier to make."

"I don't want to put an extra chore on your list," Shotaro tried, shaking his head lightly, trying to lift it again. But Sungchan was stopping him once more, a firmer hand this time. He didn't want Shotaro to overwork himself, more than he obviously already was. 

"I'm not doing much," Sungchan stated, holding up the book that was still in his free hand, "I'll just sit here and you can run up and grab change for the machines and then come back. We can hang out then and catch up," they hadn't hung out in a while and it was really getting to Sungchan. He missed the older greatly and his heart pined after him.  

Shotaro sighed under his breath, and Sungchan caught it, slight frown conquering his previous smile, "I'd feel more comfortable if my clothes were with me, but thank you," he finally lifted the basket without Sungchan's interference, letting it press into his upper stomach as he used his body to lift it, "I'll be right back," he assured with a weak smile, turning to leave the laundromat at a fast pace, hands gripping the edge of the basket, "See you in a second," he promised before he was disappearing into the hallway. Sungchan watched after him until he was out of sight and was looking forward to his return. 

Only he didn't return and he instead left Sungchan to wonder where he went. Everyone who walked in afterwards, Sungchan grew excited in hopes that it was Shotaro, but he never showed face and he was always disappointed. Shotaro was gone and Sungchan felt he had let him slip away far too easily. He should have tried harder to make him stay, because now he had no idea when he would see his friend next. He knew he was home now at least but after their interaction, it was obvious Sungchan wasn't going to make any progress getting to Shotaro. He would leave him alone this one time. It was impossible to reach him and Sungchan wished he had better luck at cornering the older in conversation because he needed to hear him say more to him than a few words at a time.

It killed Shotaro to avoid Sungchan and it was nearly impossible to try and not talk to him, but he needed to. Staying away meant Sungchan would eventually lose interest in him and then he wouldn't have to worry about him and the baby. Shotaro would rather have that than have Sungchan hate him for something that wasn't supposed to happen. Shotaro planned to move soon, but apartment hunting was hard and he didn't have the time to properly explore his options. He needed somewhere close to where he worked; there were cheaper apartments over by the studio anyway. His contract for his lease was flexible, he just might be able to do it, preferably before he was huge and before it was hard to hide the fact he was having a baby. He had already started showing, the tiniest curve right under his belly button bowing out that was making it hard to wear any pair of his tighter jeans. It was good to see the physical proof that the baby was growing, but the anxiety that filled Shotaro's chest was overwhelming. He tried not to think about it, because being a mother had not been in the plan for Shotaro, and he had no idea what to do. 

Shotaro was sure of one thing at this time: he could not and would not return to Japan. He was too embarrassed and ashamed to do that. Shotaro came to Korea for his independence, away from his parents so he could live life as an adult and really make a name for himself. He had a dream to dance in one of the biggest entertainment and music industries in the world, spend his days dancing and performing once he had enough money to provide for himself while doing so. Dancing meant everything to him and to do it for work and get paid for it outside of teaching would be his dream come true. But it was not something his parents were very supportive of, wanting him to instead work in an office where he would have a steady income and promised work for years to come. If he were to return to Japan and live with his parents they would surely interfere and give him references to jobs he did not want. He wanted to do life on his own, but a baby would put a damper on that, and with impending bills to pay, moving back in with his parents would be a highly considered option. It was always an unsettling thought to Shotaro and he was going to do everything he could to not let that happen. 

He hadn't even told his parents yet; he couldn't bring himself to do it. He had no boyfriend first of all, no partner to call the father and neither parents would take that very well. Shotaro could picture their looks of disappointment and could hear a lecture ringing in his ears about poor choices and lack of responsibility and he didn't want to hear anything like that. And telling them would only urge them to invite him home and close to them. Shotaro was keeping quiet and told himself he would tell them when they needed to know. That was at least another few months, and Shotaro was dreading that day that would inevitably come. Their reactions were not something he was anticipating and fear sat lodged in his throat. 

Still, the only one who knew Shotaro was pregnant was Yuta, and Shotaro was struggling with an entirely different issue there. He hadn't told Yuta he had lied and he hadn't seen a doctor yet, and he was working his way around that the best he could without giving away too much. Yuta's disappointment was something he desperately wanted to avoid because Shotaro didn't think he could handle that either. He looked up to Yuta so much and Yuta took him under his wing when Shotaro arrived to the country and was such a big help in his adjustment period. Upsetting him was not ideal and he’d rather the lie continue until Shotaro did something to amend it and play it off. He would need to see a doctor soon; it was on top of his list of things to do. 

Shotaro was more or less in hiding, which was difficult to do when the father of your child lived right down the hall, but he was making do. And no matter how much he did his best to hide away and make as little contact as possible, Sungchan was always trying to get his attention and was failing miserably at it. Shotaro did his best sleuthing to avoid him and it was affecting Sungchan greatly.

Sungchan wanted so badly to just say hello to Shotaro but it was extremely difficult to catch him when he was home. It was so unlike Shotaro and Sungchan was immensely confused. He had thought Shotaro liked him, as a friend if nothing else. Was he avoiding him? Sungchan knew that was the most plausible answer, but why? What did he do? To the extent of his knowledge, absolutely nothing at all. Shotaro hadn’t called him out for anything before, in fact, he was usually smiling at whatever Sungchan did, and Sungchan was a kind person and didn’t say anything that would upset anyone. It didn’t make sense. Was he still sick? Last time he had a meaningful conversation with him he was and then all of the sudden he wasn’t talking to him anymore. Was it worse than what he was letting on? Was it serious? With the way Shotaro had been looking it made sense. The thought made Sungchan’s stomach roll and made him feel sick and his knees shake. Several times he had caught himself diagnosing Shotaro with terrible illnesses, anxiety making him think horrendous things as solutions to his disappearance. He didn’t like to think about it but he couldn't help it. He was worried for his good friend and he would give anything to speak to him as though nothing was wrong.

They were sleeping with each other for God’s sake; Shotaro would tell him anything. The level of comfort they shared with each other was unmatched and there was no stone unturned with them. Sungchan would even bet Shotaro had retained everything he had ever told him about himself, and Sungchan knew he was just the same. Did he do something to upset Shotaro? He didn’t think he had… but there was no way he could know with no explanation and it was killing him. He wanted at least an inkling of information so he could try and fix it to the best of his abilities, but that was incredibly difficult when Shotaro wouldn't give him the time to amend his mistakes. Sungchan could cry at how frustrated he was and how his gut rolled with anxiety thinking about it. He was having a hard time as of late. 

Jungwoo was starting to notice it now. He could easily see how on edge Sungchan was most of the time if not all the time, and had also noticed the lack of Shotaro in the apartment. Shotaro was their guest often and to not have him around felt bizarre even to Jungwoo. He understood wanting to see a best friend but this was a little out of hand if you asked him. You would think Sungchan was pining for a long lost lover rather than a close friend. Sungchan was trying very hard to connect with him again, but to Jungwoo, it was obvious that Shotaro was doing it on purpose and if that was the case then Sungchan should do the same out of respect. 

One night Sungchan was particularly antsy and pacing in the kitchenette after making the effort to walk to Shotaro’s apartment to knock on the door. He wanted to hopefully get a good few words in and strike up dearly missed conversation, but Shotaro hadn’t answered, just like he hadn't answered the past few times Sungchan had tried. This was usually followed by a frown and a few groans about him not being able to see him and then a night full of activities that would distract him, but Sungchan was taking this more personally than the other times before. It was becoming too prevalent in his routine and Jungwoo had to figure out what Sungchan’s problem was before he lost his mind completely, “Why are you so fussy?” he asked, coming from a place of curiosity rather than malice, “You have other friends you could hang out with if you really need to see someone that bad,” he factually stated. He knew a good handful of friends who weren’t doing anything tonight and if one friend wasn’t available then he could move onto someone else. Sungchan had many options yet he was fixating on this one, "Ten hyung and Jaehyun hyung are going to some night market and you could totally tag along with no problem,” Ten was a big believer in 'the more the merrier’ when it came to things like this, and Jaehyun could never disagree. They were always open to more guests and bigger parties, “I’ll even go with you if they say it's okay.”

Sungchan pouted, stopping to lean back against the kitchen counter with his arms crossed over his chest, head hung low, ”Yeah, I know. Ten hyung even invited me over text earlier and I have yet to respond," he knew he had plenty of other friends to spend time with, but…, “But they're not Shotaro hyung,” he rebutted with a final huff, chewing hard on his bottom lip. If he was honest with himself, he really truly missed Shotaro and it was consuming his soul, "I could hang out with other people but they're not the ones I want to see.”

Jungwoo had to laugh, chuckling at his roommate's words because he had never heard that before. He cooed obnoxiously and would have pinched Sungchan's cheek had he been close enough, “Awww, does someone have a crush?” Jungwoo was good at teasing and was delving into that skill now to hopefully get a rise out of the younger. If Sungchan was so pouty he was sure there were at least some feelings behind it. This didn’t all come from pure concern from a friend standpoint. Sungchan would budge if asked the right questions and Jungwoo had to push his way until he got those answers, "Is someone and can't get off? Do you miss your buddy?" again, he was good at teasing and bothering other people. 

The way the heat pooled and bubbled in Sungchan's stomach had him fuming, jaw clenching in anger at Jungwoo's lack of compassion for his situation until his teeth started to hurt, on the verge of cracking. You'd think he'd be a better friend but evidently, he wasn't, "Stop that!" Sungchan warned, a bite behind his words, hands clenching against his chest with his nails catching his shirt, "It's not just with him.”

“Oh but I think it is,” Jungwoo disagreed. He had been a good sport about all the times Sungchan wanted him out of the apartment so he could be with Shotaro, leaving for hours at a time to give him space and privacy. Not once had he questioned it and he was happy to see that Sungchan had found someone to have so much fun with. He knew the two weren't exclusively having the entire time he was gone from the apartment, he knew Sungchan better than that, but this was a fun opportunity to "You can tell me that's all it is. I know it's been a long time and you're all cranky now," he had been especially so the last few days, "Casual is fun, I completely understand and you don't have to explain that to me," Sungchan always kept what they did private and Jungwoo always assumed it was casual. He hadn't been told otherwise, "It's nothing to be ashamed about. Yukhei and I were the same way at some point," and here they were now, in a committed relationship four years down the road after those first few months of exclusively having and just hanging out. It had been Jungwoo who brought up the possibility of being a couple and Yukhei had been all for it. The both of them had suppressed their feelings for so long for no reason, and they were as happy as could be now. Together. 

"But like I just told you, hyung," Sungchan spit with more venom in his voice, annoyance scratching at his throat, "It's not all just about the . We do way more than that when we're together and not being able to do anything about it really ," Sungchan's teeth were hurting too much; he had to relax his jaw or they might crumble in his mouth, "Sure I miss the , but I miss the person more. I miss Shotaro hyung.”

Jungwoo chuckled again, lifting himself from the couch so he could join his friend in the kitchen, taking confident steps until he was leaning on the counter opposite Sungchan. His smile was annoying Sungchan, "You've been so mopey it's almost hilarious. I think you've caught feelings for the cute Japanese boy down the hall," Sungchan hadn't indicated before that he had a crush on Shotaro or humored him about it, but to Jungwoo it was plainly obvious. He just didn't know if Sungchan knew it yet. 

Sungchan shrugged. He'd always liked Shotaro, but he hadn't considered how he liked Shotaro until he wasn't seeing him anymore. His heart was connecting to his brain after so long and he had an epiphany, but he didn’t want to give Jungwoo the satisfaction of being right. He just loved to be right, and this was another instance where he was, "Maybe. I mean he's a great guy," but he was so much more than just a 'great guy'. There were the little things too, "Amazing actually; he's always so kind to everyone he meets and he makes easy friends. It's been a little harder for him here since he's not confident in speaking Korean just yet, but once he gets the hang of it he'll be unstoppable," an unconscious smile flitted its way onto Sungchan's face because he was able to speak about Shotaro and everything that was amazing about him. That was always one of his favorite things to do.

“And he's gorgeous. I mean, have you seen him? And his smile?" Shotaro's smile could light up the room, and it never failed to make Sungchan smile too. It was one of Sungchan's favorite things about him, "Always so pretty. And he has the cutest eye smile to go with it. His nose scrunches when he's smiling too, and when I've said something particularly funny, when he's really excited about something, like dance, or when his food tastes good, and it's just too adorable. It sometimes scrunches when he says hello, but not every time. I don't even think he realizes he does that," Sungchan couldn't imagine he knew. Shotaro didn't get to see himself do those things often, "His nose always scrunches when he laughs and it's the prettiest thing I've ever seen in my whole life," Sungchan could feel the bliss in his chest. Thinking about the older could cure any mood he was in, "There's so much about him that just speaks to my heart and makes me so happy, and I haven't seen any of it in so long. Too long," his smile was drooping into a sad frown. He didn't want to remind himself of the mental turmoil he was trying to navigate, "I miss him.”

Jungwoo was no longer in the mood to torture Sungchan; he wouldn't dare try it again now that it was all out in the open. He was realizing just how much Sungchan was suffering away from his friend and it was nearly heartbreaking, "So you really do like him?" he was glad Sungchan was finally accepting it, because now it was plainly obvious: he was pining for him. 

Sungchan's eyes were sad now because yes, yes he did. Sungchan sighed deeply after taking a breath that filled his entire chest. He wasn't sure he had properly breathed in minutes, too wrapped up in sharing every little detail about Shotaro to think about himself. He settled for a nod, short and slow, and then a simple, "I do.”

Jungwoo sighed himself, shaking his head because how much of an idiot could Sungchan be? "Have you ever talked with Shotaro about that kind of stuff before? How you guys feel about each other outside of casual and being just friends?" if Shotaro had tried to start a conversation about labels or where this was all going and Sungchan had shot him down, Jungwoo would understand why he was staying away. He would do the same thing, but he was sure Sungchan wasn't that clueless. He had a least a little faith in him. But then again, he didn't know why Shotaro was staying away in the first place. He couldn't assume so easily. 

Sungchan felt embarrassed now, "No. It's never come up..." he trailed off, truly feeling like a fool, "I mean, I don't think so at least.”

"," Jungwoo groaned, tossing his head back and rolling his eyes, foot stomping on the kitchen floor as he straightened himself into a standing position, "Are you really that half-witted?" he was frustrated now, and he could see the way it was all clicking in Sungchan's head. This shouldn't have taken him so long to figure out, "Shotaro is probably feeling used, or mistreated at the very least, and while I know you didn't do it on purpose, of course you didn't, you still should have done better," Sungchan was smarter than that; how could he have been so brainless? 

And now that this option was on the table with no better answer to consider or contemplate, Sungchan was sure that was why Shotaro was staying away. It had to be why he was so distant recently, why he was avoiding him and saying as few words as possible to him if approached, why he was blatantly ignoring him. The seed was planted in his brain and it was now his truth. He hadn't meant to make Shotaro feel that way and now he felt horribly guilty. He felt like he really hurt Shotaro by not being serious about the two of them, "Oh hyung, what do I do now?”

Jungwoo huffed, "I'll tell you what you need to do! You need to try harder to get to him and tell him you like him because he needs to know as soon as possible.”

"But I have been trying and it's nearly impossible to get to him. He's never home anymore," or he was an expert at avoiding Sungchan and making it look like he wasn’t home, "Why do you think it's taken so long?" Sungchan had known Shotaro's work schedule exactly and knew when he was home and when he wasn't. That wasn't the case anymore and it was inconvenient and saddening. 

"I can't believe after all this time you haven't asked for his phone number," it was ridiculous. They had cell phones for a reason, "Our generation was raised on phones and relying on technology and you've managed to completely ignore it!" the two were only a few years younger than him and had more experience with such things. Why weren't they taking advantage of it!?

"Well, we never needed it before. No texts or calls are necessary when we can just walk down the hall and knock on each other's doors," saying it out loud now, he was realizing how ridiculous it was. It would help their current situation immensely, "Still, I should have asked before. You're right, but I haven't and I can't correct it now." 

"You need to come up with a plan, because if I know Shotaro, even a little, I know he's just as heartbroken over not seeing you as you are," Jungwoo was nearly angry. Sungchan knew better, "You need to fix the mess you got yourself into. Before it's really too late. Unless..." it had been weeks, months, and while Jungwoo didn't want to think about it, he had to consider that maybe Shotaro had simply moved on and he didn't want to see Sungchan and hurt him. It could very well be the case and it was something Sungchan had to think of it as a solution to his issue, "It already is too late and he's found someone else.”

"He wouldn't do that," Sungchan deadpanned with sincerity in his voice, eyes dark and oddly protective over his words and Shotaro. He sounded so sure of himself with no room for questioning and Jungwoo felt himself believing his friend's claim. Sungchan was telling Jungwoo the exact truth. 

"Okay," Jungwoo nodded, speaking nearly under his breath. He couldn't argue with Sungchan's claim, no matter how possible it was. It was odd how much power Sungchan had in that moment after cowering for a few minutes. 

"I just need to talk to him and apologize for what I've done, and it'll get better," he needed to fix what was going on between them because if he didn't he could lose Shotaro forever. 

But fixing everything, as it turns out, was incredibly difficult to do, and it was something he agonized over for the next few days. He spent every waking moment thinking of what he would say to Shotaro once he got him in one spot. It was really getting in the way of his work and being an accountant really required a lot of focus and concentration. His work was suffering greatly and on top of deadlines and worrying about Shotaro, he was nearly going insane. His mind was wandering and almost lost. 

He really, truly missed Shotaro, achingly so, and he was feeling like such a terrible person. He really, really liked him and he wondered why he hadn't noticed earlier. Denial? That couldn't be it. Apprehension? Maybe. It seemed plausible. Sungchan didn't want to complicate things by bringing feelings into what they had, but now he knew he had been idiotic by not establishing things. Not having Shotaro around clarified his need to be with him. He needed him by his side. 

Sungchan knew how much he liked and adored Shotaro, how big of a crush he had that was stowed away in his heart and it could make him giddy if circumstances were better. And now enlightened by this information and aware of how smitten he actually was, Sungchan felt like he lost a piece of his heart with the loss of Shotaro. He needed everything to be righted after his massive error. Sungchan needed to do this to remain sane.

———-

Sungchan unconsciously drummed his fingers on the metal of their front door, muted tings resonating in the apartment space and filling his head with white noise. He had just checked through the peephole of his apartment door again, having done so possibly one hundred other times that night. He had to keep an eye out if he wanted to catch Shotaro in the hallway. Sungchan was waiting for the older, and he had to keep watching if he was going to catch him at all, even if that meant waiting for two and a half hours already. He was sure it was going to take much longer, but he didn't mind. Not if it meant he was going to see Shotaro again. 

Shotaro was always home by six on Friday nights. Dance classes never went too long on the day before the weekend and Shotaro always went straight home once he was done, too tired to do much else so soon, especially with a job as demanding as a dance instructor. Friday evenings were more often than not spent with each other, getting Shotaro's favorite take-out chicken and watching a movie, maybe a night out on the town if they felt like it, something fun that would kickstart their weekends. It was always a good stress reliever for the both of them, but that hadn't happened in far too long and there was a clear reason why embedded in Sungchan's skull. He had hurt Shotaro and he was avoiding him, and Sungchan didn't blame him. 

Sungchan wished he could snatch at least one more Friday night that he could spend with his good friend. It was autumn now and festivals, markets, and plenty to do were abundant, but Sungchan hadn't been able to do any of it with Shotaro like he wanted to. He wished that change could be easily made, and he hoped Shotaro would forgive him for being so careless and thoughtless, and hurting him so. There was so much he wanted to do with him, so much he wanted to show him. There was so much of South Korea that Shotaro needed to see and venture and Sungchan wanted to be the one to show him. Now, he was afraid it would never happen. 

Sungchan’s anxiety was making itself clear now as he waited for this nerve-wracking confrontation. It showed up in the most stressful of situations and the tension he felt building behind his eyes was almost overwhelming, like a migraine waiting to strike. He hadn't felt this anxious in a while and he was thinking of all the ways he could properly cope to help him calm his nerves, but he couldn't make himself actually do any of them. He was too nervous to think properly, too occupied with piecing together tiny parts of a whole conversation that was soon to come. Sungchan had no clear direction with what he was going to say to Shotaro once they were face to face, but he hoped it would be enough to keep him in place so he could talk. Sungchan wanted to fix what had happened between them and maybe return to what he hoped was normal, but he knew there was always the chance that Shotaro would disagree, and Sungchan would have to continue to adjust to his new reality. That would be awful.

Sungchan was hoping for the best with his muddled mind and heart. He was hoping he would be lucky enough to catch Shotaro walking home tonight, and he was hoping things would finally be settled with civil conversation. He was going insane without proper answers, and he was sure he would fall even further into a pit of insanity without at least trying to amend things with Shotaro. He needed to try and he needed to do it now. 

All of Sungchan's anxiety was making Jungwoo anxious and he was just about tired of it. He understood all the tension in Sungchan's muscles and bones, all the apprehension and the fear, but that didn't mean he wanted to feel it as well. He was supposed to be sitting comfortably with Yukhei tucked close to his side, contentedly catching up on the newest episode of their favorite drama together, but he had barely picked up on a word they were saying and he had missed half of the episode, and this was supposedly a good one based on what his friends had told him. Jungwoo was losing his patience and he grabbed the remote to their tv, pausing so he could reason with Sungchan, "Can you stop being such a creep and stop staring through the peephole? All of your wiggling around is making my stomach flip,” Jungwoo didn’t want to feel anxious when he was supposed to be enjoying his time with his boyfriend. The two of them had been busy this week and there hadn’t been much time spent together, and they were trying to rectify it now. But it was difficult with Sungchan being so fidgety. Yukhei was starting to get antsy too, throwing looks over his shoulder whenever Sungchan made noise. 

Sungchan whipped his head over his shoulder, frowning pitifully at his friend, "But I have to see when Shotaro hyung gets home," if he looked away for even a second he could miss his arrival. And then there would be more days of an agonizing wait, and he didn't think his head nor his heart could take that. Waiting was extremely difficult, “Once I see him then I’ll get out of your hair. I’ve only been seeing neighbors so far,” just a few. This hallway wasn’t so active this time of night, which made it easier for Sungchan to pinpoint who was who. 

Jungwoo huffed in annoyance, leaving Yukhei's side so he could engage in conversation better, leaning over the back of the couch so he could face his friend, "I get that, but there has to be a better way to talk to him than this. The apartment has this weird energy because of you and your hovering," Jungwoo would prefer it if Sungchan just stopped what he was doing, but Jungwoo could also express his empathy for his best friend. He felt for Sungchan a lot. He knew he would do just the same if Yukhei suddenly stopped talking to and contacting him. Come to think of it, Jungwoo would probably go absolutely insane if his boyfriend did that to him. Jungwoo would do far worse than anxiously pacing behind a door, but he didn’t want to think about it in detail. He never wanted Yukhei to leave his side, and he didn’t think he would ever have to worry about that, "Just stop what you're doing." 

"But I have to talk to him," Sungchan insisted, tone growing darker with a whine lifting the end of his words, "I want to know why this happened and I want to know how I can fix it, and if I want to do that then I have to keep watching the hallway,” reminded of what he was doing, Sungchan turned his head and looked through the peephole again, scanning the hallway but finding yet again, no one in sight. Disappointment weighed his gut down like a rock, “I want to see him.” 

Jungwoo rolled his eyes, "Then go stand at his door and wait so Yukhei and I can relax without you being weird," Jungwoo was never this direct and was often more compassionate, but Sungchan had been an idiot and he felt no such remorse towards his harsh words, "Then you really won't miss him when he gets home, because looking back and forth through a peephole isn't cutting it," Jungwoo stated, turning back to the TV and cuddling tighter into Yukhei's side. The Hong Kong native had stayed silent through the argument and had looked back and forth between the two helplessly. He didn't know what to say, but he felt sorry for Sungchan. What he was going through was not easy, "It'll be harder for Shotaro to run away when you're standing right in front of his escape route. Then you two can figure out what's going on." 

Even though slightly hurt, bearing his bluntness to his chest, Sungchan had to admit what Jungwoo had suggested was a much better plan than what he was doing now. It was hard to think normally when he was so anxious, but now given the idea, Sungchan had to do exactly that, "Okay... I'll head out then," he addressed the back of Jungwoo's head with his tail tucked between his legs, turning towards the door again so he could leave in a hurry. Jungwoo hummed in acknowledgment, done with his roommate's antics and lack of common sense. He was going to leave Sungchan to his own devices now. He could figure it out. 

Sungchan opened the door and let it shut softly behind him, the metal lock set scraping and fitting into the jamb with a nice and resounding click. The noise rang in Sungchan's ears as he headed towards Shotaro's door, feeling his heartbeat vibrate in the soles of his feet. He was still wearing his house slippers, too much in a hurry to remember and change them for regular shoes but he didn't care. They still worked and it didn't matter too much in the long run, not when he had bigger concerns to focus on.

Sungchan barely registered his proximity to the door until he was right at the entrance, a foot keeping him separate from the metal panels ahead of him. Sungchan bit his lip, thinking what he could do as he waited for Shotaro to return home. Sungchan was only half aware as his body started to move, stooping lower so he could sit at the threshold of the door and make camp. He moved too fast and crashed to the floor, hurting his tail bone and knocking his elbow against the bottom hinge in the process. He barely felt the pain though, too concentrated on his surroundings to think about himself because now he was going to have a better chance at catching Shotaro. It was exciting and nerve-wracking at the same time, and it gave him some time to think further about what he wanted to say to the older. It was still a mess and jumbled, but he thought that if Shotaro would arrive right then, he could probably get most of his point across. He had enough to say and hopefully enough to settle this. 

It didn't take long for Sungchan to get comfortable on the floor, legs crossed and hands balanced on his knees. Sungchan chewed on his bottom lip and could feel the way it was starting to turn red and tear between his teeth. Waiting was awful and if he would have to guess he would say he had hours more to anticipate before Shotaro's return. What could Shotaro be doing so late now? Was he needed at the academy longer? Was he teaching night classes? Sungchan didn't think the academy did that, so he had to rule it out right there. Another job? Sungchan knew how busy Shotaro was on a good day, he didn't think he could mentally or physically handle a second job. It didn't seem likely to Sungchan, but still, it could happen if times were tough. It could be anything and Sungchan was trying his best to decode the situation, but the one variable that itched at every centimeter of his brain, that he truly wished was not true, was the possibility that Shotaro was seeing someone else. It made perfect sense, and Jungwoo thought so too since he had mentioned it beforehand, but he didn't want to think about it. He didn't want to consider it an option. Shotaro seeing someone other than him hurt Sungchan an incredible amount. It made his throat dry out and his fists clench in front of him, nails catching on his jeans. He did not expect jealously to show its ugly head so prominently, but here it was and it was making him feel ill. If that were really the case, Sungchan didn't know what he would do with himself. It didn't feel fair to be left out of the dark like this, and it didn't feel fair for Shotaro to do that to him. But hopefully, it wasn't the case. 

Shotaro reached the top of the staircase and needed a second to catch his breath, using a firm hand to grip at the hand railing to keep his balance while the other one rested on his chest. The elevator was once again out of service and Shotaro had uttered a few curse words as he had read the sign. Now was not the time to not have an elevator with how he was living life right now. The building management really needed to fix the mechanics. 

Shotaro was thoroughly and utterly exhausted and was genuinely excited to be laying in his bed. He had no plans to fill the remaining hours of the night and lucky for him, Shotaro had the day off tomorrow entirely. That didn't happen often, and he preferred he use his time working to get more money but he felt himself running thin as of late. He needed a break, he knew that, and he was going to use his time wisely and rest as much as he could. He had made plans to call the prenatal clinic to finally get an appointment once he found out he wasn't going to be working on a Saturday, but he kept pushing it off more and more and never got around to it. He was hoping they could accept last-minute calls for appointments, and if not, then he would really need to call and take a day off of work to go see someone. He had been telling himself to do that for weeks and had yet to get any closer to making a call. Not knowing anything about his pregnancy or the baby was killing him, but he had no time and no motivation to go outside of his comfort zone. He would like to know, but his anxieties and worries for life were getting in the way.

Shotaro took slow steps forward so he could complete his travel home. He was looking forward to removing his shoes and the sticky clothing hidden underneath his thick hoodie, covered in coffee and food stains. He didn't have a uniform for his job at the cafe, thankfully, but he did always make it a point to wear dark clothing to help hide the stains that made their way onto his top during his shifts. He had a specific set of shirts for when he worked there, and they were all slowly being ruined. Shotaro felt disgusting and he desperately needed a hot shower, and maybe a cup of hot green tea to top it off. The weather was getting colder as winter snuck up on him and Shotaro was not looking forward to it. He had a line of hot teas lined up in his head that he would be practically swimming in when it was too cold to handle. He hoped the baby liked tea because he would be drinking it like a fish. 

Shotaro sighed and lifted his head, looking away from his feet so he could better locate his door once he passed the corner that would lead to his hall of rooms. His already slow steps slowed to a complete halt as he caught sight of an anxious-looking Sungchan sitting on his doorstep, enthralled in his phone as he chewed on his thumbnail nervously. Shotaro felt his heart pick up speed and his throat close in reaction because he wasn't ready to do this. There was no escaping Sungchan when he was sitting right there in front of his door, and Shotaro was sure he was there to talk. He was hoping the day would never come, but here it was, ready to laugh in his face and ruin his day. Shotaro wanted to avoid any questions that could lead to his sharing of his pregnancy, but part of him was still trying to convince him to tell Sungchan and get the pain over with. Both were incredibly conflicting mindsets and Shotaro didn't know what he was going to do when the time came, which was in a few seconds. 

The scuff of Shotaro's boots against the worn carpet was what caught Sungchan's attention. Thumb falling from his mouth with a small pop, he looked away from his phone to glance where the barely audible sound came from and he felt his heart skip once he caught sight of Shotaro standing there with a blank expression muting his features, not an inch of a smile in the works. Sungchan couldn't decipher what it meant exactly but he didn't care to at the time. He hopped up onto his feet, furiously shoving his phone in his pants pocket to get it out of his hands, "Shotaro hyung," he greeted, voice cracking as he swallowed. It felt like a rock scratching its way down his throat as he did so, but he ignored the pain. Shotaro was finally home and he was finally going to talk to him. 

"Sungchan," Shotaro called in return, doing his best to execute even a small smile. It was hard to do so when he was feeling the awful mix of emotions swirling in his chest. There was mostly guilt drowning his heart and it was making it hard to make eye contact with the younger man in front of him, "It's nice to see you," which wasn't a lie. It was a pleasure seeing Sungchan, but under better circumstances, he would be warmer and more inviting while speaking. 

"Hyung," Sungchan called again, "It's been a long time," he stated. It had been a month since they last interacted, and Sungchan noted that while Shotaro still seemed exhausted and not like himself, he did notice that he had gained a little bit of weight since the last time he saw him and that was somehow reassuring to Sungchan. There was a soft and slight roundness to his cheeks and his eyes didn't look as sunken in as they were. His skin looked brighter as well, not pale and sickly. That had to mean he was at least doing a little better, right? 

"I know, and I'm really sorry about that," Shotaro apologized, stuttering with his Korean. Getting caught off guard was not helping his already low ability to think when he was both physically and mentally drained. Trying to speak a different language was difficult when he was so out of it, "I didn't mean to stay so far away," more like he didn't want to, but it was something he thought he had to do. 

"Then what happened?" Sungchan asked immediately, curiosity killing him and driving his words further, "I mean, it's been two months since you first started acting like this, and I haven't received any answer that would tell me why," Sungchan could feel the way his voice was stuttering in his vocal cords, voice cracking in hurt. He wanted to dive right into all the questions and get all the answers he needed, but he didn't like confrontation and it felt wrong trying to get answers this way. He didn't want to bombard Shotaro, "And I do want to know why.”

Shotaro inhaled and held his breath in his chest, unsure where to start and how to approach the topic. He could open with the obvious truth that he was pregnant with Sungchan's baby and maybe work from there, but that seemed too sudden and could cause a lot of hurt, so he considered doing it slowly, but that could build frustration and explosion. It was hard to make a decision, but Sungchan was soon continuing, face heating up with impatience, "You've been ignoring me, and when we have talked you don't talk to me like you used to. You avoid being around me and when we do happen to be together you avoid eye contact and it hurts, hyung. It really does," Sungchan was feeling slight anger behind his eyes. He was rarely ever angry but this just wasn't fair and now that Shotaro was in front of him he wanted to lay his heart out, and it was burying his heart in guilt. He had never been upset with Shotaro before, and being so now didn't feel too great. It made his teeth hurt and his hair stand on end, "And I don't want it to anymore," he sounded so sad, so downcast. 

Shotaro didn't know what to say. The words were caught in his throat and it was suddenly difficult to speak, even when Sungchan was giving him the time to do so. Shotaro felt powerless in his own body and part of him wanted to just walk away, tell Sungchan to go home and leave him alone. That felt so much easier, but what he had done already was unfair, leaving the younger in the dark, he couldn't end it by hurting Sungchan in the worst way. He was trying to find the right words, but after what felt like hours of the two of them just staring at each other, Sungchan took it upon himself to ask what was starting to eat at all of his nerves in his body, growing impatient, "You know, I understand if you've moved on to someone else, but you could have at least told me that you weren't interested anymore," Sungchan swallowed, and for a second believed he couldn't say anymore past the pain in his throat, "It would have saved me a lot of time trying to bother you so much," and heartache. He'd spent hours, days going through every worst emotion and it left him with headaches every night before going to bed. He could have done without those.

"That's not what's happening here," Shotaro promptly corrected, finally finding the courage to speak and make proper eye contact. His Korean was a little shaky with his anxiety raging in his brain but he was managing enough, "I couldn't ever do that to you. I am still very much interested in you," Shotaro inhaled, feeling his heart start to open up and tell Sungchan everything. There was no way he could back out now, "I think you're amazing and wonderful, and you're someone I really trust. You mean so so much to me," he sighed, happy memories of him and Sungchan flooding his head and nearly urging a smile onto his face. But then he was reminded of reality and the now and the idea of a smile receded to nothing, sad frown still heavy on lips, "But things are complicated right now," intensely complicated. Shotaro was slowly inching up on the truth and it was starting to make him sweat beneath his hoodie. He didn't want to hurt Sungchan by saying what needed to be said, and he didn't want Sungchan upset with him. 

Sungchan looked shaken in his spot, knocked out of an angry rage that was building in his chest. He cleared his throat, "Well, could you please explain why things are so complicated?" Sungchan pleaded, palms growing sweaty. He furiously wiped them on his pant legs, shifting in his spot and letting his head drop until his chin was touching his chest. Sungchan shut his eyes tight, feeling the strain in his jaw as he clenched his teeth. Sungchan didn't know why he was so upset, but all of his emotions were hitting him at that moment at full force and he was sure it was his inability to express all that he was feeling properly. Shotaro was normally so easy to talk to and Sungchan wanted to talk about so much with him but he just couldn't and it was making him... angry, and Shotaro could see it too. He could see the anger lifting the edges of Sungchan's features and the way it was furrowing his brows and it had him on edge. He was bringing out a side of Sungchan he had never seen before, and he felt guilt swirl in his lower belly. He needed to correct it, if that was something he could possibly do. 

Shotaro had so much to say to Sungchan but he froze in his spot and stiffened up. Shotaro stood there for what felt like forever, mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. He had gone over this conversation so many times in his head, but now that Sungchan was in front of him and demanding answers, it was overwhelming and had his insides tightening. How do I do this? The voice in his head was telling him to say something, anything before Sungchan grew even more impatient. He finally released the breath trapped in his throat and sighed, eyes falling to Sungchan's feet so he couldn't see the anger that was sure to arise, "We weren't as careful as we thought we were," it was a start, not something Shotaro necessarily wanted to start with, but it was better than complete and deafening silence. 

Sungchan was confused, and visibly so. His left eyebrow cocked in confusion and his features twisted into something of disbelief and curiosity. He didn't know what Shotaro meant, and he was hoping to get an explanation soon, "What do you mean by that?" 

Shotaro shyly glanced back up at Sungchan and noted how much more relaxed he looked, both facially and physically. He didn't appear as rigid and his shoulders were more relaxed, no longer tucked towards his cheeks. His eyes were still full of frustration but there was an added sense of apprehension in them now. He knew he held the same look in his eyes, too afraid of the outcome if he proceeded. He swallowed thickly and cleared his throat, wringing his hands together in front of him, "I desperately don't want you to hate me," that was the last thing he wanted. Shotaro could feel the way his heart was begging for a positive reaction. 

Sungchan felt a chill run up his spine and the aftershock could be felt in his fingertips, turning them cold. He bit his cheek hard, tasting blood on his tongue. There was anger at such an absurd assumption, "I could never hate you," and that was the truth. He felt his hand try and reach out and touch Shotaro as the instinct to comfort him took over. But now was not the time and it felt so strange to attempt, so his hand returned to his side, fingers clinging onto the material of his bottoms, "I don't think I'm capable of doing that," there was not an ounce of hate in his heart for Osaki Shotaro. 

Sungchan sounded so sure of himself and Shotaro actually believed him, and it was finally a strong enough push to find the courage to confess. He inhaled a deep breath and could taste the words on his tongue, waiting patiently to be spoken. Shotaro exhaled shakily and his dry lips before getting his words out, trembling and resigned, "Then... what would you say about me... telling you I'm pregnant?" Shotaro felt the relief wash over him and the way his whole body relaxed after weeks of not being able to feel this way. He oddly felt at peace, even if what he had said was pretty big and earth-shattering news. He'd finally said it out loud and it honestly felt good.

Sungchan was on the other side of the spectrum. He had not been expecting that at all and it made his heart stop and his lungs constrict in his chest, stilling his being. Despite the impact of what Shotaro had told him, Sungchan couldn't help the solace that filled his chest now that he knew Shotaro wasn't sick with any of the diseases Sungchan feared he had, “You’re pregnant?” Shotaro nodded slowly, eyes shaking. There was a mix of relief and curiosity clouding Sungchan's mind, and in the midst of his confusion, his heart still begged the most important question, "Is it mine?" 

Shotaro was baffled at his boldness, wanting to take a step back and place some distance between them, but he instead nodded politely and confidently. It was an understandable inquiry and he didn't hold it against Sungchan for asking after the way Shotaro had been acting, "Of course it's your baby," there was no one else who could be the father. Shotaro was sure part of Sungchan already knew that, but fear and anxiety could control everything about you. 

And now Shotaro was expecting Sungchan to walk away, turn around and not even spare him a glance over the shoulder. Shotaro was expecting Sungchan to leave his life and never think back on it and leave him and the baby to themselves because there was no way he wanted to be a father at this point in his life. Shotaro was waiting for Sungchan to leave, but to his surprise, Sungchan was standing perfectly still in his place. Nothing about him was moving; he wasn't even blinking. That was a little more unsettling than watching him walk away in Shotaro's eyes. He didn't know what standing as still as a statue meant, but he didn't want to think about it anymore. He was exhausted and was starting to feel the way his knees were shaking from overuse and the way his feet felt as though they were ready to fall off. He really wanted to be inside his apartment so he could lie down and not feel as awful, "I'm really tired and I just want to sit down," he fumbled with his keys in his hoodie pocket and brought them out so he could unlock his door. His fingers felt numb as well, and maybe this was affecting him more than he thought it was, "Please let me through." 

Sungchan made his first move since Shotaro had told him the news. It was a short and quick nod of understanding, quiet and reserved as he read the situation. He could see how tired Shotaro was and he didn’t want to keep him on his feet much longer, so he stepped to the side completely out of Shotaro's way as the older unlocked the entrance with clumsy hands, watching as he pushed the metal door open so his apartment was open. Shotaro entered and Sungchan followed closely behind, taking careful steps so he didn’t step on Shotaro’s heels. Shotaro didn't know if he actually wanted Sungchan in his apartment at this time but he couldn't turn him away. Not after what he had just told him. Sungchan surely wanted to talk, and they definitely needed to. 

Shotaro headed right towards the couch after he haphazardly kicked his shoes off, not caring where they landed on the floor. The couch was calling his name and he so desperately wanted to fall victim to the song. Once close to the cushions, he let his body fall, crashing into the soft material and hurting his back as it hit the armrest and the hardwood frame on his way down. Shotaro didn't care though and let the pain fade out, using a hand to rub at his forehead in hopes that it would ease the mental anguish he was in and force the impending headache away. Sitting down made him feel so much better and he was in significantly less pain than he was in before. He would be content to just stay there for the night, but that was not in the cards for him.

Sungchan awkwardly stood to the side at first before deciding to take a seat across from Shotaro, planting himself gingerly on a round and sturdy footrest that could hold his weight, knees tucked together and body slumped forward as though he was submissive to Shotaro. Taking a seat on the couch didn’t feel quite right and Sungchan would guess doing so would prevent eye contact, and he needed that while they talked. He shook his legs, unsure how to start this because he had never done this before. He didn’t think he would have to talk about this with anyone, especially not Shotaro. They were always so careful, but evidently they had messed up somewhere. 

Sitting there in silence, the two of them felt as though they were children being scolded by their parents, pitted against each other as they tried to conclude a census. It was difficult to begin this conversation because there was a lot to talk about regarding both the baby and the two of them. 

Sungchan had chewed his lip raw and could feel the way it was throb