Day 68

 

 

Seulgi yawns as she enters the new apartment, the lights from the hallway illuminating Joohyun’s heels neatly lined up by the door. As Seulgi slides off her shoes, she carefully puts both pairs in their wooden shoe closet.

 

“Unnie, I’m back.”

 

“Oh, you’re here.”

 

Seulgi walks into the living room, observing Joohyun on the couch with a tablet in her lap. The television is on at a low volume with the population growth report displayed. An excited reporter exclaims that the growth rate has been on a steady incline in the past few weeks after breaking -5%. She watches the numbers fluctuate on the screen and wonders where her and Joohyun’s marriage fits in. There is something indescribable about seeing her marriage being aggregated on a government data graph.

 

“Hey.”

 

Seulgi blinks as she looks from the tv to Joohyun who is gazing up at her with a furrowed brow.

 

“Are you okay? Did you eat yet?”

 

“No. Sorry, I’m just sort of tired.”

 

Joohyun nods slowly as she gets up from her spot on the couch. It’d taken some getting used to, seeing Joohyun changing from stiff business clothes to sweats and loose-fitting tops. But after a little more than a week of living together like this, Seulgi has been adjusting as best she can.

 

The bed-sharing is another matter.

 

“Do you want to get changed while I heat this up for you?”

 

Seulgi shoulders her bag as she observes the spread of side dishes and a pot of beef stew. 

 

“I can do it. I’m so tired that I think if I go to the bedroom, I’ll fall asleep.”

 

“Tests are almost done, right? Is the grading going alright?”

 

“Almost! The kids have one more test tomorrow. But I’m helping with grading and organizing for all the first and second grade classes.”

 

Joohyun frowns as she looks at Seulgi, tilting her head a little.

 

“Is it normal for teachers to be doing work for all the classes?”

 

“Well,” Seulgi mumbles, standing next to Joohyun as she reheats the stew on the stove, “since I’m on a contract I sort of am doing things ad hoc. I’m like a regular teacher that gets paid like a substitute teacher and does twice as much work.”

 

Joohyun glances over at Seulgi, frowning.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I want to get off the contract route and get a full-time teaching position eventually. Then I could be a civil servant under the federal government. But it’s hard to get those positions without connections. I’ve been trying to put in the time for the past few years at the current school I’m at but…” Seulgi sighs as she stretches her arms over her head with a yawn.

 

“Are you thinking of going to another school to teach, then?”

 

“Maybe. But then wouldn’t I just be doing the same thing again? A short-term teacher stuck at a new place.”

 

“Mm.”

 

Seulgi sighs and then gently reaches around Joohyun to turn off the electric stove as the stew starts to bubble.

 

“Sorry. Talking about my future career must be such a mood killer. Especially in comparison to yours.”

 

“That’s not true. I see how hard you work. It’s not like you aren’t trying to get brought on as a full-time teacher.”

 

“Sometimes it feels so hopeless and I want to give up,” Seulgi confesses quietly as she turns to put her bowl of stew on the table. She’s surprised when Joohyun sits across from her, a determined look on her face.

 

Due to their different schedules, Seulgi only had dinner with Joohyun the first night they’d moved in together. It’d been take-out from some half-decent chicken place and somaek. Seulgi had felt a little self-conscious about eating a meal with just Joohyun, drinking too much and passing out on the couch as a result. The following morning she’d been late to work and hungover.

 

“What do you normally do when you feel that way?” Joohyun asks softly, watching Seulgi as she pulls her hair up into a ponytail so she can comfortably eat.

 

“I normally go for a walk. Watch a movie. Talk to a friend.”

 

“What sort of movies do you like?”

 

Seulgi bites her tongue, pausing to gather her thoughts.

 

“All sorts. Old movies are fun.”

 

“Oh? Do you have a favorite?”

 

“A few,” mumbles Seulgi around a bite of her stew. She picks a few pieces of dried squid to place on top of her spoonful of rice.

 

“Would you watch one with me sometime? Maybe next weekend?”

 

Seulgi’s eyes widen in surprise as she looks at Joohyun. The other woman is gazing at Seulgi’s half-finished bowl of rice, her chin resting against the heel of her palm. It’s impressive how little of her emotions seem to affect the expression on her face.

 

“A lot of them got banned when that law got passed about media unhelpful to population growth. They’d be hard to get.”

 

“Banned doesn’t mean illegal,” Joohyun says casually. “The government isn’t imprisoning people for watching a movie romanticizing a coincidence marriage.”

 

“But when something’s banned it makes the experience of watching that movie feel shameful. And shame can be even worse than an actual fine or prison sentence, I think.”

 

“Maybe. But that doesn’t mean we can’t watch a movie together. If you want to.”

 

Seulgi hums, her spoon as she stares a little sadly at her now empty rice bowl.

 

“We can do that.”

 

“Only if you want to. I don’t… you shouldn’t be forced to do another thing you don’t want to do.”

 

Seulgi looks up at the words and meets Joohyun’s gaze. There is something a little vulnerable about the purse of and the shine of her eyes but Seulgi feels too afraid to push.

 

“Sure. Unnie, let’s do that.”

 

With a small smile, Seulgi reaches forward and holds Joohyun’s free hand resting on the table. The other woman tenses at the contact, staring wide-eyed at their joined hands. Seulgi swallows her nerves and gently squeezes.

 

“How does Saturday sound?”

 

“I’ll add it to my schedule.”

 

“Thanks, Unnie. I’m looking forward to it!”

 

Seulgi gives Joohyun’s hand one final squeeze before getting up to clean the table. She turns on the sink to start washing dishes, hearing Joohyun get up and walk back to the couch. Staring at the soap suds encasing her hands, Seulgi sighs quietly.

 

 

 

Day 84

 

 

Seulgi stuffs another spoonful of rice into as Sooyoung looks at her in disdain, fishing for bean sprouts in her small silver bowl. The cafeteria is filled with lively elementary school kids chatting and shouting. A few of them wave at Seulgi and Sooyoung as they walk out the door.

 

“Miss Kang, Miss Park, have a yummy lunch!” a pair of little girls shout as they run outside holding hands. Seulgi watches them with a smile.

 

“So which class was it again?” Seulgi asks as she scrapes her food tray of the last of her rice.

 

“Class 2-C. I saw Minyoung crying in the teacher’s lounge about it this morning.”

 

“Kids can be so cruel.”

 

“They learn it from their parents of course. Kids only repeat what they see and hear,” Sooyoung mutters with a sigh, listlessly stirring her spoon in the clear broth left in her soup bowl.

 

“So, what did they say exactly?”

 

“Some bull about Minyoung being a freak for having parents in a coincidence marriage. Which is hilarious considering most rich kids are doing arranged marriages independent of the marriage registry anyway. They just have enough money to stuff the mouths of any bureaucrats that say otherwise.”

 

“Then they get the marriage subsidy and government support.”

 

“While keeping all that wealth in the family. It’s disappointing but not surprising.”

 

Seulgi hums as she thinks of Joohyun, wondering for not the first time why the other woman hadn’t done that as well. It isn’t exactly a well-kept secret that the marriage registry is mandatory and absolute for everyone except those that could buy out of it.

 

“None of it’s fair.”

 

“But I mean, your wife seems nice, right? And her parents weren’t stuck up?”

 

“Right.”

 

“That’s good. How’s married life treating you?”

 

Seulgi scoffs at the droll way Sooyoung asks the question, putting her chopsticks on her tray.

 

“I mean we’re basically strangers. It’s like living with a roommate you’ve never met before.”

 

“Do you not talk often?”

 

“We have pretty different schedules. She tends to work a lot of overtime, so I maybe eat dinner with her once or twice a week. But we barely talk. Sometimes I try to… give her flowers or leave her small things around the house.”

 

Sooyoung frowns at Seulgi, tilting her head in confusion.

 

“Why would you do that when she could probably buy you a building with the money her company has?”

 

Seulgis shrugs. She thinks of the other day when she’d stepped out of the bathroom, towel drying her hair, and seen Joohyun looking down at the small meal on the kitchen table. Seulgi had clumsily cooked for her, thinking that would be better than Joohyun having to go through the effort of ordering take-out. The other woman had looked over her shoulder and given Seulgi a trembling smile with a face lined with exhaustion. Even as Joohyun turned away to begin eating her dinner, Seulgi had just stood there watching her back.

 

“I think it helps remind her that she isn’t living by herself. She seems sort of… lonely.”

 

“I guess money can’t buy happiness. Poor her.”

 

Seulgi scoffs at the disparaging comment.

 

“Enough picking on my wife when she can’t defend herself.”

 

“Sorry. It’s just after you started this whole marriage process you’ve seemed a little down.”

 

“Do I seem that pitiful?”

 

“A little more than usual.”

 

They both share a smile before rising to separate their respective trays, eating utensils, and bowls for cleaning by the automated washing room in the back of the cafeteria. Seulgi gives a smile and wave to one of the cafeteria staff members in the back. They walk outside into the summer heat with the faint buzz of cicadas vibrating around them.

 

“I applied you know.”

 

“To what?”

 

“To graduate school.”

 

Seulgi frowns as she looks curiously at Sooyoung who walks with her hands clasped behind her back, showing off the frilly front of her white blouse.

 

“Did you really?”

 

“Mmhmm. Pretty sure I’ll get in too.”

 

“I don’t have any doubts. I’m sure Principal Song wrote you a good recommendation letter since she actually likes you.”

 

“It helps that I’m not late to practically every staff meeting.”

 

Seulgi sighs but says nothing, trying to ignore the trickle of jealousy blocking the kind words she should be saying. Sooyoung had been debating applying to graduate school, beaten down by the inability to get a permanent position like Seulgi. The idea had also occurred to Seulgi too but of course any of those plans were dashed by her marriage with Joohyun. They had to start getting fertility treatments and consultations a year after marriage. Realistically she wouldn’t be able to seriously consider graduate school for at least three more years. And she’d be thirty-one by then. With a baby.

 

“Your sighs are so big I think you could power a fan with them.”

 

“Sorry, I was just thinking.”

 

“Oh no. Does it hurt?”

 

Seulgi laughs, shoving playfully at Sooyoung who doges the push.

 

“You need to have a basic level of intelligence to become a teacher, you know.”

 

“When I asked you what 12 plus 15 was, you said 24!”

 

“I never was going to be a math teacher. 1^st and 2^nd graders are working on super basic stuff. I can do that.”

 

“Imagine if you’d ranked math teacher as your number one pick for your study focus in high school. It’d be the biggest tragedy.”

 

Seulgi chuckles a little as she opens the door for Sooyoung to enter the building first. She thinks a little sadly of ranking artist and entertainer as her top picks when she’d taken the test. Unfortunately, after she took her career suitability test, elementary school teacher had been her match. Her parents had seemed pleased and Seulgi started hiding her sketches under books about primary education.

 

“Was there anything you wanted to be before you got placed as a teacher?”

 

“A singer, actually. I used to sing for my family all the time growing up. Thought I’d do a good job.”

 

“You certainly would have been something,” Seulgi says and they both share a bittersweet smile.

 

“It’s probably for the best. I love teaching, too. And I’m good at it. We both are.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

“And speaking of teaching. Did you hear a permanent position for teaching second grade opened up?”

 

Seulgi turns in confusion, pausing right before ascending the stairwell.

 

“What?” she whisper-shouts, furtively glancing around to make sure they aren’t overheard.

 

“Yeah, you know Mr. Min? He told Miss Kim who told me that he is planning on announcing his retirement this week. His wife apparently is really ill, so he wants to take care of her.”

 

“Really? I always thought he was the type who wanted to die at his desk.”

 

Sooyoung giggles as she playfully shoulder checks Seulgi as she walks around her, leading them both up the stairs.

 

“You’ll apply, right? I mean personally, you’re the most qualified among the short-term teachers. And since I’ll be doing graduate school next year, you don’t have to worry about me as competition.”

 

“I don’t know if I’d be able to beat you out,” Seulgi teases with a grin as they arrive at last at the teacher’s lounge.

 

“I really have a good feeling about this one. You should go see a shaman and have a talisman made or something. You’ll get it then for sure.”

 

“I’ve gotten so lucky this year already. I don’t think I need heaven to be more on my side then it already is.”

 

But Seulgi thinks about the notion of the full-time position for the rest of the time she’s at work. And then when she’s waiting at the subway station, staring at her face reflected in the glass separating her from the tracks. Although the ride is now barely 15 minutes instead of the near hour of commute time, she appreciates the time she can have to herself. Seulgi can just exist, not burdened by the worries that seem to always weigh heavily on her shoulders when she’s at school or home.

 

When she arrives at the apartment, she startles at seeing Joohyun sitting at the table pouring a green bottle of soju into a small shot glass. She swallows nervously when she sees there’s already an empty bottle off to the side.

 

“U-unnie?”

 

“Oh, Seulgi-yah.”

 

Seulgi grips the strap of her bag, not quite knowing what to do as she watches her wife furiously gulp down a shot.

 

“Um. Is everything… are you alright?”

 

“The company lost an investor today. Well, I lost an investor today. It was my fault.”

 

Seulgi stares at Joohyun’s delicate hands, carefully gripping the glass.

 

“How long have you been drinking for?”

 

“Not long enough.”

 

“Okay,” Seulgi says as she walks to the other side of the table, sitting down and gently prying the green bottle from Joohyun’s fingers. The other woman simply tilts her head at the gesture.

 

“Is my wife going to drink with me?”

 

“You shouldn’t drink alone, Unnie.”

 

“I did before you came.”

 

“I’d rather you didn’t.”

 

Seulgi looks up and feels nervous at the way Joohyun is staring at her, steady and incredibly sharp. It’s almost arresting how the other woman’s eyes seem to just lock her into place.

 

“Why does it matter if I drink alone?”

 

“Because it makes you look lonely, Unnie.”

 

“And if I am? Lonely?”

 

“How can you be lonely when I’m here?”

 

Joohyun’s face twists at the words and she swiftly places her shot glass on the table.

 

“I’ve always been alone. Ever since I was young. And I suppose being alone and being lonely are two halves of a whole.”

 

“Did you have any imaginary friends when you were younger? When I was little, I’d play games with my stuffed animals because my parents were working and my brother didn’t want to play with me. I had a stuffed bear that was my best friend.”

 

“My mother thought those sorts of things were childish. I remember one of my first memories being her make me take a blanket I’d had since I was born and throw it in the trash. ‘You need to grow up, Joohyun-ah.’”

 

Seulgi quietly sighs as she pours Joohyun another shot. There is something bordering on feral with the way the other woman almost immediately snaps the glass back with a gulp. Her face doesn’t even twist at the bitterness of the alcohol.

 

“My mother, she called me when she heard what happened. She said, ‘Learn from your mistakes and don’t do that again.’”

 

Joohyun laughs and it sounds a little broken. Seulgi shifts in her seat, torn between wanting to comfort and knowing that this Joohyun is a fragile thing that could run off at any moment.

 

“Unnie.”

 

“Sorry. I’m sure you don’t want to spend your Friday evening talking about my relationship with my mother. Do you want a drink?”

 

“It seems you’ve already finished the bottle.”

 

Joohyun squints at the two empty green bottles in front of her and sighs with disappointment.

 

“I guess I did. Should I go grab another one?”

 

“It’s fine, Unnie. Why don’t we have dinner? Have you eaten yet?”

 

“I don’t think I’ve eaten all day.”

 

“Unnie!” Seulgi shouts in concern. The other woman is looking at her strangely, almost in disbelief that someone is expressing such concern over her.

 

“I had some coffee. It’s fine.”

 

“Drinking soju on an empty stomach,” mutters Seulgi in disappointment as she starts rummaging through the refrigerator.

 

“Seulgi-yah, it’s fine. I’ll just order something.”

 

“That’ll take too long even if you do express delivery! We have some rice and side dishes. Let me just heat it up.”

 

Seulgi turns and startles because Joohyun is right behind her like a curious puppy. She nearly drops the stack of Tupperware in her hands but manages to hold on as she deposits them onto the countertop next to the stove. As she puts the rice in the microwave, she feels a pair of arms wrap around her back.

 

“U-unnie?”

 

“Can you… can you just stay like this for a little while. Please?”

 

She feels Joohyun press her face against Seulgi’s shoulder, breathing heavily. Gently she places her hands over Joohyun’s, leaning back a little.

 

“I’m sorry you had a hard day, Unnie.”

 

“Mm.”

 

“Next time you want to drink by yourself, call me. I don’t want my wife to be lonely when she’s having a hard time.”

 

Seulgi feels rather than hears Joohyun’s laugh behind her.

 

“Kang Seulgi, you really are something.”

 

They stay like that for a moment longer until the microwave beeps and Seulgi goes back to preparing Joohyun’s dinner. The warmth disappears and Seulgi thinks briefly that she misses it as she sees Joohyun go back to her seat at the table. The other woman hugs her legs to her chest and watches Seulgi closely with her chin resting on one of her knees. There is something so heavy in Joohyun’s gaze that she finds her face uncharacteristically warm as she continues to clumsily prepare a meal for her wife.

 

 

 

Day 101

 

 

Nerves make Seulgi’s leg bounce as she sits in the lobby of the cavernous building. The sheets of glass encasing the paneling of the structure make her feel like she is in some capitalist cathedral. She tries not to think of the European art books worn by reverent fingers under a stack of folders at her new home.

 

She glances at her wristwatch, worrying her bottom lip. She’d decided on a whim to just drop by Joohyun’s work. Seulgi had seen the building a few times. Once Joohyun had pointed deliberately at it as they’d driven by to visit her parents.

 

“This is my second home,” she’d joked with a barely there smile. And Seulgi had looked at the impressive glass building that seemed to brush against the underside of the clouds.

 

“Excuse me.”

 

Seulgi startles from her thoughts. Stationed before her is a shiny white robot with a touch screen on its front. Its head is a mounted screen with an animated face resembling a cartoon rabbit, the mascot of the company

 

“Hello. Please state your reason for your visit.”

 

“Um, I’m here to see someone.”

 

The small robot hums.

 

“Do you have a prior appointment?”

 

“N-no.”

 

The robot whirs to process the information. The animated rabbit’s face twitches as if in thought.

 

“What is the name of the person you wish to see?”

 

“Um, Bae Joohyun?”

 

Seulgi watches as the robot’s touch screen reveals a picture of Joohyun that must be on her work badge. Her hair is tightly pulled back, revealing a polite smile and piercing brown eyes.

 

“Please confirm the identity of the employee you wish to see.”

 

“Yes, that’s, um, her.”

 

“Calling Bae Joohyun’s office. Please hold.”

 

She starts regretting this silly idea of surprising her wife and getting dinner after work when a disembodied voice comes from the robot’s speaker.

 

Hello, this is the phone number of Manger Bae of the Strategy and Operations Division. How can I help you?

 

Seulgi feels a little faint. The robot scoots closer, bumping into her shoes like physically intimidating her will get her to talk. Do they have these things in the police interrogation rooms, too, she wonders idly.

 

Hello?

 

“Um, hello. Sorry. I, um. Is Joo- I mean is Manager Bae busy right now?”

 

Uh, she is I am afraid. Who am I speaking to?”

 

“Kang Seulgi.”

 

Is there a particular reason for your call, Kang Seulgi-ssi? It appears you do not have an appointment.

 

“I don’t. But um… well Manager Bae is my wife and I figured it was getting late so I wanted to check on her for dinner?”

 

There is a long silence on the other line. Seulgi glances at the robot and its animated rabbit face smiles at her. She smiles back.

 

Manager Bae… is married?

 

Seulgi startles. For a moment, the disbelief is so thick in the other person’s voice that it makes her doubt the last few months. She is married to Bae Joohyun, right?

 

“Uh, I think so. We’ve been matched for nearly three months now. Do you need me to show proof of our marriage registration? I have a copy on my phone.”

 

Suddenly the robot scoots back a little and its screen mounted on its body is filled with the face of a young woman. She is frowning into the camera as she practically glares at Seulgi.

 

You’re supposed to be Manager Bae’s wife?

 

Seulgi glances down at her clothes. She’s wearing a loose white button-down tucked into white pants with a thick brown belt cinching the outfit together. She touches the bun at the top of her head self-consciously, unintentionally revealing streaks of pastel and marker on her forearms from art class earlier in the day.

 

“Yes. Yes, I’m married to Manager Bae.”

 

The woman blinks owlishly, squinting at the screen. She seems to deliberate for so long that Seulgi isn’t sure for a wild moment if she’ll just hang up on the call altogether.

 

I’ll you from the lobby. Stay there please.

 

The connection gets disconnected and Seulgi finds herself staring at her own reflection for a moment before the touchscreen flickers back to random options. She finds herself curious when she sees a photo gallery. Apparently, selfies with various animated AR Corp. backgrounds is a popular option for bored visitors. She glances at the categories organizing the picture database. Clicking on the filter for oldest to newest, she sits back and waits for the images to load. What she sees makes her sigh.

 

The first picture is Joohyun, a few years younger in a fresh-looking business suit. Her work lanyard is hanging from her neck and she looks a little awkward as she leans down on her knees to be eye level with the robot’s camera. She’d placed a rabbit ears sticker on her head but kept the background as just the lobby. Was this her first day? Seulgi wonders. Was she as nervous as the tremulous smile on seems to suggest?

 

“Kang Seulgi-ssi.”

 

Seulgi jerks away from the image in front of her, looking up at the newly familiar face of the woman from earlier. She’s shorter than even Joohyun with her dark hair in a youthful cut just above her shoulders. Seulgi wonders if she’s an intern judging by the youth in her cheeks and the newness of her coal gray business suit.

 

“Yes?”

 

The other woman stares at Seulgi, eyes narrowed in deep concentration.

 

“What’s your phone background?”

 

“Uh,” Seulgi shows her the image of a Vienna bridge from one of her favorite movies.

 

“You don’t have a picture of you and your wife? How do you expect me to believe you’re married to Manager Bae?”

 

“Not everything I’m interested in revolves around Manager Bae.”

 

“Okay. Well this isn’t doing a very good job of making me believe you two are married.”

 

Seulgi grumbles to herself as she opens her phone and taps around for the app containing the QR codes and files for her personal information. With a satisfied hum, she turns her phone toward the other woman, showing off the very real marriage registration.

 

“Oh my god. You are married to Manager Bae?”

 

Seulgi tries to ignore the insultingly disparaging tone, instead pocketing her phone.

 

“Do you believe me now?”

 

“Yeah. I mean yes. Sorry. I just had to be sure. Manager Bae is always so busy and I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone ever claim to be her wife before.”

 

“It’s fine. I’m glad my wife is being well-taken care of.”

 

“She takes care of us, mostly. I wish I could return the favor. Shall we go to her office, then?”

 

Seulgi nods, shouldering her bag before rising from her seat. It’s instinctual as she turns to the robot, still displaying Joohyun’s selfie. She ignores the stifled laugh from the other woman as she quickly gets out of the gallery.

 

“Have you been satisfied with my service?”

 

“Yes, thank you.”

 

The robot’s rabbit face smiles and Seulgi cannot help waving as it wheels away from her. When she turns back to look, the other woman is staring at her like she’s grown another head.

 

“This way.”

 

Seulgi follows easily behind, the strict click-clack of heels on the marble floor seeming to fill the cavernous lobby.

 

“Ah, Yerim-ssi,” greets an idle security guard waiting by a till in front of the elevators.

 

“We have a guest today.”

 

The security guard glances at his tablet as he gestures for Seulgi to come forward.

 

“Manager Bae’s wife.” The man startles at the announcement, openly staring at Seulgi. She feels her cheeks warm as she tentatively opens her phone to have her ID QR code be scanned.

 

“Um, Kang Seulgi-ssi. You just got sent a virtual badge you can use to scan in and out of the building for the rest of the day.”

 

“Thank you,” she says with a small smile, avoiding his curious gaze. Seulgi quickly walks through the till with a confirming beep, Yerim following close behind.

 

“So… Yerim-ssi. How long have you been working with Manager Bae?”

 

“A few months. I took a semester off to intern at AR Corp. Manager Bae is amazing to work for. She pushes us almost as much as she pushes herself.”

 

“Mm. She always is working overtime these days. I try to tell her to eat regularly but she seems to skip meals if I don’t remind her.”

 

Seulgi glances over at Yerim who is staring up at her with wide eyes, failing to hide the excitement of absorbing this new information about her boss.

 

“Manager Bae always seems so strong. She never seems tired or hungry.”

 

The elevator doors open and they sidle in. Seulgi blinks at the long list of numbers.

 

“Is this whole building owned by the company?”

 

“Yes. It’s headquarters so… we have a floor for the cafeteria and a gym too. It’s not all just offices.”

 

“Still,” Seulgi mutters. Being reminded of her wife’s family’s wealth always puts Seulgi on edge.

 

“This building is great but the ones in Hong Kong and Tokyo are also really impressive. The Hong Kong office has a cosmetics store and offers complimentary facials for employees.”

 

“I see.”

 

“I almost applied to go there for my internship, but I thought it’d be better to do Seoul first. Since my English isn’t that good yet.”

 

The elevator doors open on the 7^th floor and Seulgi gets out first. She takes in the long glass corridor funneling them toward a door to the open desks on the other side. Following Yerim, she walks into the office space, immediately catching sight of Joohyun. She’s standing with her back to Seulgi, hands on her hips. She’s listening to an employee talking to her from his desktop, pointing at something on his screen. Joohyun is nodding, making notes on her tablet as she asks a question that has the employee stuttering, face flushed.

 

Seulgi pauses a little distance away and watches Joohyun turn around to lean next to the employee’s computer, her glasses slipping down her nose. As she starts to adjust them on her face, her eyes slide over to Seulgi and she frowns.

 

Immediately, Seulgi feels a rush of regret. She shouldn’t have come. Clearly Joohyun is ashamed of her if she didn’t tell her coworkers about their marriage. This is a mistake. Everything is a-

 

“Seulgi-yah. Is everything okay?”

 

She swallows as she stands stiffly in place as all the employees in the immediate vicinity look at her in a mix of shock and confusion. Joohyun doesn’t pay them any mind, ambling right up to Seulgi and frowning at her in obvious concern.

 

“Seulgi-yah?”

 

“Oh, um. Sorry, Unnie. I just…” Seulgi glances nervously at an employee who gasps aloud and another who looks like he’s in a state of shock.

 

“Hm?” Joohyun leans even closer, frowning. She reaches forward and gently grips Seulgi’s wrist with such earnest eyes. The easy skinship Joohyun has given her since that night with the two empty soju bottles is still something Seulgi is trying to adjust to. She bravely smiles as if the contact doesn’t affect her, even as she feels Joohyun’s thumb brush up and down the inside of her wrist.

 

“Did you have dinner yet?”

 

“Dinner? Uh?” Joohyun removes her hand to glance down at her watch and Seulgi nearly sighs with relief.

 

“Manager Bae hasn’t eaten dinner yet,” Yerim chimes in. Joohyun looks up with a frown, avoiding Seulgi’s disappointed gaze.

 

“Unnie, it’s almost 7… didn’t you say you only had coffee for lunch?”

 

“There’s a big deadline and we’re working with a company in a different time zone.”

 

“The Friday presentation?”

 

Joohyun nods. Seulgi had remembered her mentioning it the other night after coming home around 10pm for the third time last week. 

 

“My wife works too hard,” Seulgi jokes, feeling her face warm. She ignores the collective gasp around her.

 

“I’m sorry. Does it… make you lonely being home alone so often?”

 

Seulgi can barely look at Joohyun and the way her face seems to be too honest. There’s been something new in the other woman’s eyes these days and Seulgi doesn’t dare try to put a name to it.

 

“A little. Could we have dinner together tonight? I can wait downstairs for you since it seems you’re busy.” Seulgi glances toward the employee who’d been talking to Joohyun at their computer earlier. They’re unabashedly staring at the two of them with a hanging jaw.

 

“Wait for me?”

 

“Yeah, I’ll wait for you until you’re done. I don’t want to interrupt anything. Your work’s important, Unnie.”

 

Joohyun frowns and glances behind her.

 

“We’ve… everyone we can finish for the day. We’ve been working hard for the past week. Burning ourselves out before we present isn’t the best idea.”

 

Everyone seems to let out a collective sigh of relief. People start walking back to their desks, most likely trying to leave before Joohyun changes her mind.

 

“Are you sure? I wouldn’t want to impose.”

 

“You’re not. Would you like to meet me down in the lobby while I clean my desk for the evening?”

 

“I’ll come with you.”

 

Joohyun nods and turns on her heel, Seulgi dutifully following behind her. Curious employees meet Seulgi’s eyes and she simply smiles with successive bows. At the end of the rows of desks is an office partitioned off by a glass door.

 

It isn’t a huge space but it has a small table with a few chairs and an electric kettle for guests. Seulgi’s eyes widen as she gazes at the impressive bookshelves behind an imposing desk stacked with folders and various tablets and USBs. Curiously, she starts to walk toward a book on the shelf when she catches sight of Joohyun’s wallpaper on her desktop.

 

It’s their wedding registration picture.

 

Seulgi doesn’t quite know what to say, staring at the image for a long moment in confusion. The quality is surprisingly good, capturing the flush of Seulgi’s cheeks and the shine in Joohyun’s eyes as she smiles. They look… happy.

 

“What do you want for dinner?” Joohyun asks casually as she puts a few items into her purse, oblivious to the way Seulgi feels like she’s been thrown off the edge of a cliff.

 

“Uh… would it be easier to get take-out? I don’t want you to get too tired from cooking.”

 

Joohyun looks back at Seulgi, seeming to mull something over for a moment before turning back to turn off her computer.

 

“I’ve never had someone do this sort of thing before. Even friends get intimidated to come visit me at work.”

 

“Mm. I just thought about you as I was going home and I wanted to eat dinner with you.”

 

“I’ll… I’ll try to come home on time more often. I don’t want you to feel like I’ve abandoned you for my job. I saw enough of that in my parent’s marriage.”

 

Seulgi says nothing, silently taking this new piece of information and tucking it gently away. This person she’s been forced to marry is a confusing thing, a myriad of little facts and stories that Seulgi still hasn’t managed to completely understand. A puzzle still missing pieces.

 

“Thanks, Unnie.”

 

Joohyun nods to herself as she shoulders her bag and leads Seulgi outside, her blazer slung over an arm. They nearly run into a woman waiting next to Joohyun’s office.

 

“Oh, Team Leader Son, everyone can go home now. I’m satisfied with the projections on this quarter’s performance.”

 

“R-really? I was feeling my second wind from the Vita-500 I just drank.”

 

“Well, I want to eat dinner with my wife now.”

 

“Your wife?”

 

Seulgi feels her face flush as she awkwardly peeks from behind Joohyun and bows.

 

“Hello, I’m Kang Seulgi… Manager Bae’s wife.”

 

“Oh! Oh, wow. I’m Son Seungwan, one of the team leads under Manager Bae. I’m sorry I didn’t give my congratulations earlier on your marriage, Manager Bae. I didn’t notice you had a ring or anything.”

 

Joohyun hums, glancing over at Seulgi in confusion before tilting her head at the other woman.

 

“A ring?”

 

“Don’t most married couples have rings? Or are you planning to exchange those later?”

 

Seulgi bites her lip.

 

Although wedding rings had not been required for marriage prior to the BMM, people seemed to buy rings these days as a means of showing off being matched. It made sense since the couple ring culture had faded away with the understanding that dating was pointless with the marriage registry giving you your future match. Better to focus on studying hard to go to a good school and get a good job rather than date with the foolish hope for an impossible future.

 

Seulgi had simply thought that Joohyun didn’t really care for the symbol of the rings. She’d personally been grateful that she didn’t have to feel that extra reminder of her new life attached to her wherever she went.

 

“Oh. That’s right, huh.”

 

“It’s fine. I don’t need a physical reminder that I’m married. I can look at my marriage registration form when I want to remember. It’s cheaper that way.”

 

Team Leader Son throws back her head with a laugh and Seulgi tries to ignore Joohyun’s staring.

 

“Well that makes sense. It’s probably why no one had any idea you were married, Manager Bae. You’ll invite us to the ceremony though, right?”

 

“Yes. Yes, of course.”

 

Team Leader Son nods with a smile and with a short bow walks back to her desk.

 

“Shall we go?” Seulgi asks, turning back to Joohyun. The other woman is pursing her lips in thought but she nods absentmindedly, grabbing the inside of Seulgi’s arm.

 

“Let’s go home.”

 

Seulgi swallows at the words, being dragged past the rows of desks and curious employees to the elevator. Joohyun’s hand suddenly shifts against the bare skin of Seulgi’s forearm and she hears a quiet laugh.

 

“Kang Seulgi, were you so bored you were drawing on yourself during break?”

 

“Oh! No, Unnie, we had art class today and some of the kids wanted to draw more so I figured drawing on me was better than wasting paper.”

 

Seulgi swallows at the way Joohyun slides tentative fingers along the crumbly pastel drawing of a cat.

 

“Is this Lulu?”

 

“Yeah. I show my classes pictures of my cats sometimes. I promised I would try to bring them to school if the kids are really good. I’m not sure about Lulu though since she doesn’t like being held.”

 

“I liked Lulu.”

 

“Because she stayed away from you.”

 

Joohyun smiles as she tilts her head up to meet Seulgi’s eyes and ’s suddenly dry. There is something too honest about the way Joohyun is looking at her and Seulgi can’t quite meet her gaze. She looks down at Joohyun’s hand, still gently clasping her arm.

 

“It’s sweet that you let those kids draw all over you. You really care about them.”

 

“I do. That’s why I’m really grateful-”

 

Seulgi shuts , pausing. She can feel Joohyun tense next to her in confusion. It’s not that Seulgi doesn’t trust Joohyun about her upcoming interview for Mr. Min’s position. It’s just that Seulgi has been careful to not reveal all of herself to Joohyun right away. She can at least have a choice in how much she shares with her wife in this arranged marriage.

 

But then she glances at Joohyun who tugs her forward toward the opening elevator doors and Seulgi thinks maybe she can choose to tell her wife this much.

 

“There’s actually a spot open for a full-time position. At my school.”

 

“Really? Will you apply?”

 

Seulgi nods, jaw clenching as the elevator doors begin to close and she sees a glimpse of Yerim and Team Leader Son stepping out of the office. She tentatively raises a hand to wave and they both enthusiastically return the gesture.

 

“That’s great, Seulgi-yah. When’s the interview?”

 

“Um, next Monday. They’re sort of rushing the process because Mr. Min, the teacher I’d be replacing, needs to urgently take care of his wife. It’s sort of awkward having to leave during the middle of the year so they’re keeping the application process exclusive to our school. Since it’s such short notice.”

 

“I’ll make you breakfast on Monday then. Do you want me to do a mock interview with you this weekend?”

 

“Oh, Unnie, you don’t have to. I’m sure you’ll be busy-”

 

Joohyun makes a warning sound as the elevator doors open and they walk into the underground parking lot.

 

“I can make time for you. If you… if you let me know what you need from me I can try to be helpful. I just want to make things easier for you in whatever way I can.”

 

Seulgi swallows as they get to Joohyun’s car and the other woman finally lets go of her arm. Seulgi just stands very still, hand hovering over the door latch but not quite managing to let herself in. She must be taking too long because she startles as the car purrs to life and the window closest to her rolls down, revealing Joohyun’s concerned face.

 

“Seulgi-yah? Do you need help getting in?”

 

“I can do it myself, Unnie,” she says with an awkward laugh before opening the door and getting into the car.  

 

 

 

Day 121

 

 

Seulgi wakes slowly, blinking as she takes in the top of Joohyun’s head. She exhales slowly, gently reaching down to tug away the other woman’s hands. She smiles when she hears sleepy protests as Joohyun curls into Seulgi’s side of the bed as she sits up.

 

At first Joohyun had been embarrassed upon finding out about her sleep habit of cuddling but Seulgi had just feigned indifference despite how loudly her heart had pounded in her ears afterward. Now, Joohyun doesn’t even bother acting ashamed as she simply snuggles against Seulgi’s pillow. Seulgi swallows as she stares down at the other woman, eyes tracing the curve of her cheeks and the purse of her lips.

 

She reaches forward and carefully tucks a strand of hair behind Joohyun’s ear, her fingertips grazing soft skin. It’s then that she opens her eyes. There is something arresting about Joohyun’s gaze and Seulgi can’t find it in herself to blush or pull away. She just stills, brushing her thumb along the curve of the other woman’s cheek.

 

“Good morning,” Seulgi murmurs.

 

“Morning,” Joohyun replies, voice husky from sleep.

 

And yet neither of them move. They’re both still staring at each other, paralyzed by how strangely fragile this moment feels. Seulgi worries that if she moves something will happen that she can’t take back. So little of her life these days is within her control. Yet her heart is the one thing she thinks she can keep as hers alone.

 

“We watched this before.”

 

“What?”

 

“This happened in a movie I watched with you.”

 

“Probably.”

 

Joohyun suddenly sits up and Seulgi’s hand falls to the bed.

 

“Do you remember what happened next?”

 

Seulgi swallows as Joohyun rests her hand over Seulgi’s, her long dark hair covering her face as she looks down at their hands.

 

“Maybe.”

 

“They kissed.”

 

Seulgi turns her face away, gazing at their bedside table. Looking at Joohyun right now feels unbearable.

 

“Unnie.”

 

“I… Does this… being with me … make you feel anything?”

 

Joohyun presses her face against Seulgi’s shoulder, her lips ghosting over the thin material. She finds herself clutching the bedsheets so tightly her knuckles ache.

 

Seulgi thinks of the graduate school flyers she still receives in her email inbox that she couldn’t bear to delete. She thinks of the art books hidden in a bag deep in their shared closet with tickets to museums that had visiting exhibits from Europe. She thinks of crying watching those stupid banned movies in high school because she will never have that spontaneous meeting with someone who she will grow to love by choice.

 

She feels Joohyun pause in her ministrations, hand gently squeezing.

 

“When I’m around you sometimes everything feels so much. No one has ever made me feel this way before.”

 

Seulgi says nothing as Joohyun sighs against her and she can’t help the way she leans into the other woman. Even though it’s the end of summer, the warmth shared between them is comforting like the reliable ending of a favorite movie. When Joohyun’s hand starts to move toward Seulgi’s waist, she stiffens.

 

“Unnie, please.”

 

“I’m sorry. You’re just so…”

 

Joohyun looks up and their faces as so close that leaning forward would be so easy. But Seulgi resists, instead smiling tightly before getting out of bed and sliding on her slippers. She tries not to look back at Joohyun watching her as she gets out of the room to take a long shower.

 

When she steps out of the bathroom, clutching the ends of the towel wrapped around her neck, she spies Joohyun sitting quietly on the couch sipping a glass of orange juice.

 

“Seulgi-yah, can you come home a little early from your party?”

 

She hides her smile as she pretends to pat the bottom half of her face dry. Seulgi had surprisingly been offered the position vacated by Mr. Min after only one round of interviews. She supposes the process could afford to be shortened since the panel of interviewers were all her coworkers who she’d interviewed with for other positions over the years. Regardless, it still had felt amazing to get a slap on the back from Sooyoung and a jubilant phone call from Byulyi.

 

Even Joohyun had bought her a bouquet of sunflowers that are in a vase sitting on the kitchen table.

 

“Hm? Sure, Unnie. Principal Song is gonna be there so I doubt we’ll go past 9. Is everything okay?”

 

“Yeah. I just want to give you something. And maybe we can watch a movie afterwards? There’s a theater I read about that screens foreign films nearby. They have late night showings on Fridays and Saturdays.”

 

Seulgi stares at Joohyun who is looking straight ahead, quietly sipping on her juice. It’s a little incredible how easily she can go from nearly kissing Seulgi to casually asking her out on a date. There’s not even a blush on her cheeks or the usual nervous handwringing.

 

“Sure, Unnie. I’ll look forward to it.”

 

When Joohyun looks up at her, eyes wide and trusting, something in Seulgi twists but her smile does not falter once as she turns back to their bedroom to get ready for work.

 

 

 

Day 122

 

 

This time when Seulgi wakes, the ceiling is unfamiliar. Strobing lights are coming from the corner of the room, making the ceiling pulse in gaudy rainbows of color. She can faintly hear off tune singing on the other side of the wall she’s leaning against.

 

With a groan she shifts, her head throbbing from the alcohol that nearly makes her heave into the nearest trash can. Seulgi swallows and shakily reaches for a half empty bottle of water among the green bottles of soju on the table next to her.

 

“Seemed like a fun party.”

 

Seulgi turns slowly and sees Joohyun standing in the doorway, dressed in loose fitting clothing and a low-brimmed ball cap.

 

“It was.” Seulgi finishes the bottle and sighs as she bows her head, trying to make everything stop spinning.

 

“You seemed to have so much fun that you forgot a few things.”

 

Seulgi flinches when she feels Joohyun’s hand on her shoulder. She shrugs it off as she uses the table in front of her to shakily get to her feet.

 

“Everyone was apparently so drunk that the manager for the noraebang had to be brought in. Miss Park somehow got my phone number and called me to help so I got here about an hour ago. Made sure everyone got a taxi home. And the tab was completely paid for.”

 

“Must be nice. To just cleanly make all those problems disappear.”

 

Seulgi looks up at Joohyun and the other woman is frowning at her in barely concealed confusion.

 

“Well it wasn’t exactly nice. Falling asleep on the couch waiting for my wife to come home after not responding to my calls and texts isn’t the best feeling.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Seulgi mutters, not quite able to meet Joohyun’s eyes. She can feel the anger and frustration that she’d so desperately tried to drink away boil to the surface.

 

“Did something happen? You’ve never really gotten this drunk before.”

 

“We’ve only lived together for a few months, Unnie. That’s not a very long time to know me.”

 

“Mm.”

 

Seulgi swallows as she staggers forward, ignoring the way Joohyun raises her arms as if to help her. She stumbles hard into the wall next to the door, breathing a little heavily as she tries to get control of her limbs. It’s embarrassing that she’s so drunk in front of the last person she wants to see.

 

“Seulgi-yah. I know we haven’t known each other for very long but you can talk to me. If something’s bothering you.”

 

A warm hand rests against Seulgi’s back and she feels tears sting the corners of her eyes.

 

“Why’d you do it, Unnie?”

 

“What?”

 

Seulgi turns to look at Joohyun, her stupidly beautiful face blurry through the tears.

 

“I was in the bathroom at dinner and I overheard. How lucky I was that my wife cared enough to personally call Principal Song and express interest in her company covering the art supplies for all the art classes at our school. And how things really seemed to be looking up for me after 2 years of failing interview after interview. Since I now have a wife who rubs elbows with politicians and chaebol CEOs.”

 

“Seulgi-yah.”

 

“You don’t get what it’s like… I just wanted to have one thing that I chose. That I earned! Why’d you have to… why’d you have to take that away from me, Unnie?”

 

Seulgi doesn’t care that she’s crying as she rubs at her face with her hands, taking big gulping breaths as all her frustration and despair pours out of her. She presses hard against her eyes, trying to make the woman in front of her disappear.

 

“You don’t understand, there were people that were calling on behalf of the other candidates. It wouldn’t have been fair if I hadn’t called, too-”

 

“So I’m just supposed to use my wife’s wealth and power to get a full-time teaching position? Is that really what you think I’d want?”

 

“I want you to use me when you can, Seulgi-yah. What’s the point of this arrangement if you can’t use something that I’m more than happy to give?”

 

“So then what do you want from me? If you expect me to just take from you what should I expect you to take from me?”

 

Joohyun looks up at Seulgi with wide eyes as Seulgi suddenly grabs the other woman’s shoulders.

 

“Do you want my body? Is that what you meant by yesterday morning? If I give you that will you consider us even?”

 

Joohyun’s face twists and she grabs Seulgi’s wrists with trembling hands.

 

“How could you… how could you even think that’s what I’d want? I would never force myself on you. I would never make you do something you didn’t want.”

 

“But that’s what you did, Unnie. You didn’t ask permission from me! You just did it!”

 

“I was trying to make you happy!”

 

Seulgi lets out a choked sob, hating the wave of hopelessness that hits her at the words she’s heard repeated in some form over hundreds of different movies.

 

“But you didn’t. You didn’t make me happy at all.”

 

Joohyun exhales sharply and Seulgi can’t even look at her. She’s afraid of what she’ll see.

 

“Fine. You know, Kang Seulgi, I’ve been trying my best to make you happy. My parents, they begged me not to enter into the marriage registry because they wanted me to get married to some rich heiress through their own backdoor arrangements. But I said no because I wanted to have one thing in my life that wasn’t perfectly planned out for me. And I met you. And I really…”

 

Seulgi doesn’t look up, knowing the sight of Joohyun’s face may weaken her resolve.

 

“If you knew I haven’t been happy, why didn’t you just talk to me about it? Why did you have to just act without thinking about my own feelings?”

 

“What was I going to ask? ‘You seem miserable in this marriage. Want to divorce?’”

 

“That is an option,” Seulgi says hollowly. She hears Joohyun’s sharp inhale and knows instantly she’s made a mistake. Honestly, Seulgi, despite the moments of broody self-introspection she’s been prone to, has never quite entertained the idea of divorce. It feels so taboo and forbidden, a topic virtually unexplored outside of grim internet threads and vague stories heard by word of mouth. She’d never be able to be matched to another person via the registry again. She’d lose the government provided marriage subsidy with complimentary maternity leave and bonus health care benefits. There’d be a mark of shame on her and her family forever.

 

“You… you want to get a divorce?”

 

“I said it’s an option.” Seulgi looks up and swallows as Joohyun raises her chin so that they meet each other’s eyes. Despite the height difference, Seulgi feels intimidated by the way the other woman’s gaze seems to be burning with some sort of feeling barely under control. She can see a hint of the steel that Joohyun must display at work in the set of and the stiffness of her shoulders. She drops Seulgi’s wrists and takes a step back.

 

Seulgi watches wordlessly as the other woman bows her head, hands clenching and unclenching into tight fists. She feels like she should take the words back and apologize but she doesn’t exactly know if she’d mean it. The alcohol certainly doesn’t help her processing. Those confusing feelings are enough to delay the response she should be giving. And it’s enough time for Joohyun to raise her head and look at Seulgi with the coldest eyes she’s ever seen.

 

“Fine. Let’s get a divorce. This marriage benefits you more than me anyway. Why should I even bother trying to fight it if that’s what you want?”

 

Seulgi stares in disbelief at Joohyun, not quite believing the disdainful tone she’s hearing in the other woman’s voice.

 

“Benefits me more than you… why? Because my dad works at a small company and my mom works part-time at a restaurant? Because I’ve never lived in the kind of apartment your parents bought for us? Because I’ve never had the luxury of using my privilege and connections to make all of my dreams come true?”

 

Joohyun’s mouth turns down and her shoulders drop.

 

“That’s not… I didn’t mean it like that.”

 

“Then what did you mean? Tell me what you meant!”

 

Seulgi is crying again but this time it is anger that makes her scrub at the tears trickling out of the corner of her eyes with a furious back of her hand. Joohyun doesn’t seem to have an answer, just looking at her a little helplessly.

 

“I’m… I’m going to stay at my parent’s house tonight. I need some space.”

 

“You’re drunk and it’s nearly 4 in the morning. At least go home first and then you can visit later in the afternoon after you’ve cleaned up.”

 

“I can’t… I can’t stand to be alone with you for another second.”

 

Seulgi stares at Joohyun whose eyes widen in shock. The other woman lowers her head before Seulgi can register completely if she’d seen hurt make her lips tremble.

 

“Fine. Let me call you a cab at least. You aren’t taking a bus or subway to Ansan right now.”

 

“I’ll do it. I have the app on my phone. Just… you go home first.”

 

Joohyun says nothing as Seulgi heavily sits down and pulls her phone from her bag. She can feel Joohyun staring at her as she brings her phone practically to her face as she selects her pick-up location and destination. There is something different about how Joohyun’s staring feels this time. It isn’t thick with a want that Seulgi is afraid of. It’s laced with heavy regret that makes Seulgi think Joohyun’s on the cusp of apologizing. But she hears nothing as she puts down her phone and sits in this terrible silence only broken by the faint sounds of off-key singing and shaking tambourines.

 

“Arriving in 3 minutes.”

 

“Good. Can you… can you get downstairs by yourself? Or can I help you?”

 

Seulgi just sighs as she rises again and shouldering her bag, walks out the door without giving Joohyun a second glance.