Day 376

 

Seulgi stares at the stack of documents in front of her. Paper is a rarity these days. Everything is digitized including books, newspapers, and even wedding certificates. But divorce documents are physical. Is it a revenge of sorts, Seulgi wonders, that divorcees have to painstakingly sign page after page of critical rebukes for incompatibility with their perfect match?

 

Swallowing, Seulgi chances a glance at Joohyun who sits properly, legs folded at the ankle and hands carefully placed in her lap. When Seulgi raises her eyes, the other woman is staring right back at her. That morning Seulgi had watched as she’d carefully applied a dark shade of lipstick, hesitating before putting on a jacket that Seulgi had complimented a few months ago. She’d purposely avoided Seulgi’s gaze through the mirror.

 

But now she looks right at her, eyes a little red-rimmed and her jaw just tense enough that Seulgi can tell Joohyun is on edge.

 

It’s a wonder what you can learn about a stranger you’ve lived with for nearly a year.

 

Like, as Seulgi pulls her eyes away to look back at the low-level government employee thumbing through the thick stack of documents, Joohyun lets out a shuddering breath because she’s trying to maintain control of her emotions. And the way she leans forward and asks a measured question about some of the legal language is to avoid looking at Seulgi.

 

Seulgi sighs again as she looks down at her hands. She has cried so much these past few days since she asked Joohyun for a divorce. She doesn’t know what she’ll do if she starts again. The worst part is seeing Joohyun as Seulgi cries, the other woman’s face contorting horribly as she stands still and resists the urge to do something.

 

“Kang Seulgi-ssi?”

 

“Y-yes?” she asks, shifting forward in her chair with a polite smile. The man in front of her gives a nod as he taps an ancient-looking pen at the first stack of papers.

 

“I asked if you have any feedback for the Bureau of Marriage Matching? The BMM is very keen to maintain its 98.6% success rate with our matches.”

 

“I…” Seulgi lapses into silence as she sees Joohyun shift subtly out of the corner of her eye.

 

“Not really.”

 

“But you were the one who requested the termination of the marriage match, correct?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“And the reason you cited for termination was, and I quote, ‘I am not happy in this marriage.’ Is this still correct?”

 

Seulgi her lips, trying to ignore the quivering breath from Joohyun. She knows if she looks at the other woman she’ll break.

 

“Yes. That is correct.”

 

“You know, that’s the one thing my Bureau isn’t equipped to fix. We can help you with the best fertility experts, marriage counselors, and conflict mediators in South Korea but happiness…” the government employee gives a wan smile that Seulgi tightly returns. 

 

“You can’t help what you don’t feel,” Joohyun comments lightly, uncrossing her legs. Seulgi swallows and tries to continue to stare ahead.

 

“I’m sorry for inconveniencing the BMM. I know it’s a lot of work to maintain the databases and run all the algorithms.”

 

“It is, unfortunately. A terrible amount of work. But at the end of the day if you aren’t happy with your match then that’s a failing on our end. Maybe your perfect match is a foreigner which definitely wouldn’t be included in our database!”

 

Seulgi has to actively fight the way her smile trembles. She rapidly blinks back tears as she just nods along.

 

“Well, we will need you two to sign these stacks, and then we can begin the termination process.”

 

“Is there a chance of this not being approved?” Joohyun asks quietly.

 

“We have a panel that evaluates termination requests on a rolling basis. Of course, there are exceptions but normally the ‘unhappiness reason’ is very rarely opposed. We can give you the perfect environment and person but at the end of the day you evaluate your feelings. Not us!”

 

Seulgi lets out a sigh of relief and hates that she knows Joohyun is watching her, taking in the action and internalizing the implication.

 

“And, Bae Joohyun-ssi, you don’t have any objections to this termination request being filed?”

 

“No. I…” Seulgi glances at Joohyun and finds herself unable to look away. “I just want my wife to be happy. And if a divorce does that for her… how could I say no?”

 

 

 

Day 1

 

 

Seulgi is nervously cracking her knuckles as she rides the subway to work. She stares out the window, seeing her tired face reflected right back at her in the dark tunnel. And then the subway pulls into her station and she braces herself for the rush of people that try to push her from getting out. She clutches her purse to her chest as she wades past the desperate commuters, sliding on a mask in preparation for the high levels of yellow dust outside. As she shuffles up the escalator, she can hear the faint background of the daily population growth report.

 

“-happy to report a slight increase today going from -5.678% to -5.342%! The Choi Administration would like to congratulate the BMM for their efforts to improve South Korea’s-”

 

Seulgi slips in her wireless earbuds as she quickly taps her phone against the automated till. She nearly trips as she practically runs up the escalator in her haste.

 

“Call Sooyoung,” she mutters into her earpieces, tapping twice for emphasis. Seulgi sighs in relief when she hears a dial tone. The morning meeting hasn’t started if Sooyoung hasn’t turned off her phone yet.

 

As Seulgi hustles past a ddeokbokkie stand, she hears a click.

 

You’re going to be late, aren’t you?

 

“Yeah. Probably 3 minutes if I can make this light.”

 

Well you better hurry. If Principal Song notices you’re late she may make all the short-term teachers do that conduct training again.

 

“I said I was sorry!”

 

Seulgi can hear Sooyoung give an exasperated sigh on the other end of the phone.

 

Just get here soon, okay?

 

“Mm, see you in a bit!”

 

Seulgi squints ahead at the light, seeing the blinking walk sign warning of a light change. She adjusts her bag over her shoulder and sprints, hurtling past similarly hustling primary school students. They all run towards the gates. Seulgi gives a quick greeting to the security guard before shuffling to the main building.

 

Purse slapping against her side, Seulgi rushes down the empty hallway to the classroom at the end. She practically slides to a halt, tearing off her mask and tossing her headphones into her purse quickly. And then she takes a breath. She pauses, smoothing out her hair and the collar of her rumpled button-down. With one last sigh, she slides open the rickety wooden door as quietly as she can, bending down to hide her head behind the seated backs of the entire faculty.

 

“-report of trying to keep an eye out for the bullying of kids with unmatched parents. We try to… Miss Kang is that you? Did you just get in?”

 

Seulgi’s shoulders slump as all the teachers stare at Seulgi awkwardly squatting in the back next to a shelf of wooden cubbies. She rises to her full height, hugging her purse to her chest.

 

“I’m sorry, Principal Song.”

 

“Miss Park?”

 

Seulgi tries to avoid Sooyoung’s eye contact before the other woman turns to face Principal Song.

 

“Can you coordinate a group watch of the conduct video with the rest of the short-term teachers? By the end of this week, please.”

 

Seulgi ducks her head and stares at her shoes as she feels the irritated stares of her colleagues from all angles. 

 

“Oh, and Miss Kang?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“Come to my office after this meeting. I need to speak to you about an urgent matter.”

 

“Y-yes, Principal Song.”

 

Seulgi swallows as she takes a seat in a vacant chair in the back by herself, staring into space. She’d been a short-term teacher for the first and second graders at this elementary school for nearly two years. Being contracted is definitely better than being unemployed but only just. No job security, none of the benefits of being a public school teacher with a government pension. Any of the official job openings have been passed to more well-connected teachers that either went to better schools or knew Principal Song’s friends.

 

At least she can commute from her parent’s house and save money that way. But if she can’t get a secure job from this school by the end of the year should she look for work elsewhere? Seulgi shifts in her seat, cracking her knuckles under the table.

 

She’d given up doing her work holiday in Europe to graduate from college early and get a job. Seulgi sighs a little wistfully as she thinks of the posters of Austria and France hanging in her room, the corners flopping from the sticky tape that has started to weaken over the years. Maybe if this school doesn’t give her work, she should take time off and go live abroad for a while? But she’d been saying that to herself since last year. She’s just as likely sticking with this exhausting temporary position until she’s fifty.

 

“Miss Kang?” 

 

Seulgi jerks her head up and sees that the teachers are getting up from their seats. The meeting must have ended. She rises and follows the rest of the teachers out of the hallway. Pausing outside the door, she waits for Principal Song to slowly make her way over to her, navy blue blazer immaculate and not a hair out of place from her chin-length bob.

 

“Why were you late this time?” she mutters out of the corner of as she walks ahead, Seulgi following meekly behind.

 

“One of my cats escaped onto the balcony and my father and I had to get her back inside.” Seulgi still has a headache from the yowls of the cat coupled with her father’s urgent shouts. Her mother had been yelling angrily from behind her about being late to work but Seulgi had been too concerned about Lulu being trapped.

 

“That is the most absurd excuse I have ever heard, and I’ve been an educator for nearly thirty years.”

 

Seulgi just bows her head even though Principal Song can’t see her. They make their way up a flight of stairs and past the staff lounge to the spacious principal’s office. It’s nearly the size of the entire teacher’s lounge, Seulgi thinks enviously. As she takes in the familiar framed pictures of the school over the years and a few photos of Principal Song shaking hands with the Minister of Education and the Mayor of Seoul, Seulgi realizes that they aren’t alone.

 

Sitting with her back to the door is a woman. Seulgi watches curiously as she rises to stand as Principal Song closes the door behind them. Although she is small, there is something commanding about her stiff posture and large brown eyes. They move slowly up and down Seulgi, the gaze so sharp that she fights the urge to cover her dark dress slacks with her hands. There definitely is some cat fur she missed when she rushed out of her house this morning.

 

“Miss Kang, this is Bae Joohyun.”

 

They bow to each other and Seulgi watches curiously as Principal Song gestures for Seulgi to take a seat on the plush leather chairs near her desk.

 

“Thank you for letting me speak to Miss Kang on such short notice.”

 

“It’s no trouble! Please tell your mother hello for me. I haven’t seen her since that volunteer event your company helped support.”

 

“I will.”

 

Seulgi shifts in her seat, trying to not sink too much into the cushion. She puts her hands on her knees and vaguely feels like she’s being evaluated by Principal Song and this intimidating stranger. Seulgi can barely handle looking at her without tensing up with nerves.

 

“Hello,” the woman says to Seulgi. She swallows and gives her a nervous smile.

 

“Hello.”

 

They look at each other for a long moment and Seulgi takes in the fall of this woman’s hair delicately over her collarbones, the expensive blazer jacket draped over her shoulders, and her pale hands folded in her lap.

 

“I apologize for coming without warning. I received a notice that we both need to go to visit Sejong-si as soon as possible.”

 

“S-sejong-si?” Seulgi frowns. That city held all of South Korea’s government agencies and ministries. Why would she need to go with this stranger all the way there?

 

As if reading the expression on Seulgi’s face, the woman pulls a tablet from her expensive-looking bag. She slides the electronic device across the lacquered table between them. Seulgi frowns at the official-looking government seal at the top of the email. And then she sees the sender.

 

“The Ministry of Health and Welfare?”

 

Seulgi hastily reaches for the tablet and scrolls through the message.

 

Congratulations, Bae Joohyun! The Bureau of Marriage Matching has found you a suitable match!

 

Seulgi nearly drops the device on the table as she looks helplessly at the other woman in front of her. Seulgi had been born right around the time that the Bureau of Marriage Matching had been founded in a desperate attempt to improve the declining population in South Korea. Since the Bureau’s founding, all able individuals from the ages of 25 to 35 were required to be entered in a nationwide database to match people in marriages with strict childbearing deadlines.

 

It’s a nationwide effort, seeping into every aspect of Korean daily life despite how much Seulgi actively tries to avoid it.

 

“So, you’re here to inform me that we need to go to Sejong-si to be married?”

 

“It’s not that quick. This letter contains a government-mandated request for joint attendance at the Bureau of Marriage Matching’s Main Office for a consultation. I came today to ask permission from Principal Song to leave as soon as possible. The sooner we meet them, the sooner we can proceed.”

 

“Proceed?”

 

The woman’s red mouth twitches and Seulgi doesn’t know quite what to do with the curiosity she feels at the sight.

 

“Proceed with a potential match. If… if you’re willing.”

 

Seulgi blinks slowly, slumping back in her chair. She’s just turned twenty-eight and everything feels like it’s happening too fast. Marriage? Already? Taking a shaky breath, she glances at the woman looking expectantly at Seulgi with concerned eyes.

 

“Alright,” she says before she realizes can form words. “I’ll go with you today. If I’m able to take leave despite the two classes in the afternoon?” Seulgi throws a concerned glance at Principal Song who immediately nods.

 

“Of course! Of course. Please let me know if you need more leave, Miss Kang. And don’t forget to tell your mother I said hello, Joohyun-ssi.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

When Seulgi rises to her feet she feels almost a little light-headed. She doesn’t quite understand how she manages to get herself from the office, down a flight of stairs, and out to the driveway next to the school gates. She’s numbly just putting one foot in front of the other, barely keeping track of the woman trailing behind her. Then everything catches up to her all in a rush as she slows to a stop.

 

“Miss Kang?”

 

She blinks slowly as she looks over her shoulder. The other woman is even more doll-like up close, petite frame hidden by dark slacks and an oversized gray blazer. She realizes that she’s slightly shorter than Seulgi, only eye level due to shiny black heels.

 

“Are you alright?”

 

“Y-yeah. Sorry it’s just I’m a little…” Seulgi trails off, gesturing wordlessly with her hands. Her face feels hot and she realizes to her horror that she is a few moments away from tears.

 

“How old are you?”

 

“Twenty-eight. My birthday was in February.”

 

“I turned thirty-one a few days ago. I suppose this letter is my late birthday present.” Seulgi’s mouth twists up at the obvious joke. The smile makes the tension in the other woman’s shoulders lessen just a little. Seulgi watches as she reaches into her purse and hands over an embroidered handkerchief.

 

Seulgi sniffles as she dabs at the tears in the corners of her eyes, turning away so that she doesn’t have to see that face pinched slightly in worry. There is a long silence as Seulgi tries to calm her breaths and the woman just watches her. She wonders what sort of expression is on her face. Pity? Judgment?

 

But when Seulgi glances over, the woman’s face is open for a second before it shutters closed, morphing from concern into careful neutrality.

 

“Thanks. I just got a little overwhelmed,” she mumbles as she gives the handkerchief back to the woman with both hands, not quite able to meet her eyes.

 

“No problem. My car’s right here so we can just drive directly to Sejong-si.”

 

“Your car?”

 

Seulgi looks over her shoulder and sees a fancy foreign car with tinted windows parked in a premium spot usually reserved for school administrators. She thinks of Principal Song fawning over the other woman and tries not to roll her eyes. They walk to the shiny car and she tries not to thinks of her father’s car that is almost as old as she is.

 

“After you.”

 

Seulgi nods, shakily getting into the car without a second thought. She slides across the leather interior to the opposite window seat, swallowing. She glances at the front seat and realizes it’s a driverless car. Most of the high-end taxis in Seoul are autonomous vehicles but she rarely opted for one of them, preferring instead the talkative old men who smelled like cigarette smoke and carried on one-way conversations with her polite smiles.

 

The other woman leans over the center console and confirms an address in the navigation system on the dashboard. As the car begins to move ahead, Seulgi buckles her seatbelt and hears an identical click from next to her. She stares out the window, watching as the car practically glides to a stoplight. 

 

“Do you live in Seoul?”

 

Seulgi blinks in surprise at the sudden question.

 

“No, I commute from Ansan. On line 4.”

 

“Line 4?”

 

“It’s the name of the subway line.”

 

Seulgi glances over and sees the other woman frowning at her phone. She watches as she raises it up to Seulgi, displaying a map of Seoul’s subway system. Seulgi scoots forward, straining against the tension in her seatbelt to gently press her finger against a light blue line snaking toward the bottom of the image.

 

“It’s this one,” she says quietly. Seulgi doesn’t realize that the other woman is leaning forward to look at the picture as well and their faces are suddenly very close.  If she wanted to, Seulgi could try to count her eyelashes. Instead, she swallows nervously and shifts back to her seat.

 

“I-I see.”

 

They lapse into a silence that lasts for the rest of their car ride.

 

 

 

Day 4

 

 

“So, the consultation went well?”

 

Seulgi sighs as she munches on the fish crisps at the dive restaurant she’s at with Byulyi. They both are looking at the holographic display menus projected from their table, tapping a button to toggle through the dishes. Seulgi bites her lip as she thinks about all the marriage-related files forcibly loaded onto her computer.

 

“Yeah, we just met together with a few counselors. They needed to confirm that the surveys we’d been completing since we entered the matching registry were truthful.”

 

“I remember that. Our consultation took forever because Yongsun-unnie couldn’t quite believe that she was matched with me.”

 

“But look at you guys now. Already have a baby.”

 

Byulyi smiles indulgently as she selects her dish, her menu disappearing into a flicker of pixels.

 

“Yeah, and when you have one, the BMM finally gets off your back. They’ll do monthly check-ins to make sure everything is going smoothly but those fade out to yearly appointments once your kid starts school.”

 

“Would you want to have another one?” Seulgi asks idly as she toggles between one dish and another in a splash of hyper-realistic colors.

 

“Maybe. It depends on what Unnie wants. I think I wouldn’t mind but work in the prosecutor’s office may be too difficult for raising two toddlers.”

 

“That is true. Police work isn’t easy either, Unnie.”

 

Byulyi shrugs, rubbing her shoulder with a small wince.

 

“I should have married a doctor instead of a lawyer. All she can do is yell at me when I get hurt.”

 

“You didn’t have a choice.”

 

Seulgi meets Byulyi’s eyes for a brief moment before she finally decides on her dinner and shuts off the menu.

 

“Are you still caught up on the whole… coincidence marriage thing?”

 

It isn’t impossible to marry for love. It happens. There even was a variety show documenting it. Seulgi had stayed up watching every episode when she was in high school, captivated by these people that were an anomaly to the normal trend of waiting until being matched by the algorithm. Seulgi remembers one night one of the interviewers from the panel had asked a pointed question to the newest couple.

 

“You know that despite the romanticized notion of coincidence marriages, they historically end in divorce at much higher rates than marriage matches. Do you have any thoughts on falling in love being something more fleeting than the tried and true algorithms tested by our government’s best scientists?”

 

The young couple had exchanged looks as the audience became silent. Finally, after a beat, one of them spoke.

 

“The way I feel for her… I can’t imagine a world where such a thing is fleeting. But in the end, isn’t love an imperfect choice? How can such a thing be predicted accurately by an algorithm?”

 

The show had been canceled shortly after that episode aired, and there were rumors that the young couple had fled to the United States after harassment from government officials and internet trolls alike.

 

“Seulgi-ya?”

 

“Oh, sorry, Unnie.” Seulgi blinks slowly, trying to regain her composure.

 

“Are you disappointed with your match?”

 

Seulgi shrugs as she crosses her arms over her chest, staring distantly at the table in front of them.

 

“She’s pretty. And she seems polite. I even have a picture.”

 

“Oh?”

 

Seulgi reaches for her phone in her purse, pressing a button for it to enlarge to a bigger size for optimal viewing. She thumbs to the right picture and holds it up for Byulyi to see.

 

It’d been an impulsive request at the very end of the consultation. Seulgi had insisted to take the subway back to Ansan and so they had lingered outside the large government building.

 

“Can I take a picture with you? So I can show my parents what you look like?”

 

She’d received a curious eyebrow raise at the question.

 

“If they search my name, they could find more flattering images, I’m sure.”

 

“Well, a picture is a memory too. It’s the first day we’ve ever met. And now we have to spend the rest of our lives together. Shouldn’t we capture that somehow?”

 

The woman’s lips pursed at the question, puzzled by the words like Seulgi had just spoken Polish to her. But with a shrug, she’d stepped forward, her front barely touching Seulgi’s back. Seulgi had leaned back a little as she lifted her phone up and snapped a picture.

 

“She’s really pretty, Seulgi-yah! Oh my god!” Seulgi watches curiously as Byulyi grabs her phone and zooms in for a better look.

 

“She is pretty.”

 

“What’s her name again?”

 

“Bae Joohyun.”

 

“Want me to run a background check on her?”

 

Seulgi smiles wanly as her phone is returned to her. She stares down at the image frozen in time. Her own face is a little stiff but there is something strangely effortless about the way the other woman- Joohyun- is looking at the camera. Is she used to having her picture taken, Seulgi wonders. She’s almost surprised that with a face like that, the other woman isn’t plastered all over every billboard and subway advertisement in Seoul.

 

“No, Unnie. I’m sure the BMM did a good job.”

 

“They do. You know, I had some serious doubts when I got my notice that I’d been paired with Yongsun-unnie. I know I only referred to her as that annoying crow from the prosecutor’s office before we were matched.”

 

Seulgi can’t help giggling a little as she thinks of the urgent phone call she’d gotten from Byulyi who’d been panicking about being paired with “that crow.” They’d gotten so drunk that night that they’d had to stay at a love hotel until they’d sobered up.

 

“You’d known Yongsun-unnie for how long before you matched with her?”

 

“Mm, nearly two years. I was a hotshot out of the academy and she was clerking for the prosecutor’s office. Even though we hated each other for most of our interactions I always thought she was impressive. She was yelling at me most of the time, but I learned later she just wanted me to be better. We really grew a lot before we got matched. Maybe that’s why the algorithm didn’t match us before we were ready.”

 

Seulgi watches the way Byulyi’s eyes get a little dreamy as she talks about Yongsun. Even though she’s not even in the room, Yongsun is there in the quiver of Byulyi’s voice and the curve of her smile.

 

“That must be nice to have fallen in love in your own way.”

 

“It’s not always easy, Seulgi-yah. We had to put a lot of work into our marriage too. Lots of yelling and communication for better or worse. But I think it’s worth it. It’ll be worth it for you, too.”

 

Seulgi mulls over those words for the rest of the night, even as she walks down to the subway station that will take her home. She’s tipsy as she almost staggers down onto a bench, waiting for the next subway to arrive. A motion sensor activated CF starts trying to animatedly engage her in downloading a new app to expand her social media followers, so she stuffs her earbuds into her ears. Tipping her head back sleepily, she watches the subway on the opposite track roll in through the glass barrier. The music she’s half listening to through her earbuds gets suddenly interrupted by an unlisted incoming call. With a frown, she taps twice to pick up.

 

“Hello?”

 

Is this Kang Seulgi?”

 

“Y-yes?”

 

This is Bae Joohyun.

 

Seulgi sits up nervously, finding her hands clenched tightly over the tops of her thighs. 

 

“Oh! Hello! Are you… is there something you need from me?”

 

Ah, no, actually. I just wanted to call to confirm this is your phone number. There are some upcoming deadlines with the BMM and our assigned case manager, so I thought it’d be better to communicate over the phone in the future.

 

“Would you want to meet instead? To go over everything?”

 

I’m going to be busy these next few weeks due to international travel.

 

“Oh. To where?”

 

Seulgi almost hits her forehead in frustration as she hears the hesitation on the other end of the phone. She’s clearly overstepping and being a nuisance.

 

Amsterdam. And then a detour to Hong Kong.

 

“Have you been there before?”

 

This will be my second time visiting Amsterdam. I’m securing a deal for the company. The business we’re working with isn’t a long-time partner like the affiliate I’ll be seeing in Hong Kong.

 

“I’ve always wanted to go to Europe,” Seulgi confesses quietly, the alcohol making her tongue looser than she’d like.

 

I see. It’s nice but I wish that I could eat more Korean food there. I start craving kimchi and ramyeon after the third day.

 

Seulgi can’t fight the easy giggles at the image of that woman in a perfectly pressed business suit scarfing down kimchi and ramyeon in a hotel room.

 

“Oh, Unnie, you should be enjoying the local food. Isn’t that the whole reason for going to Europe?”

 

They lapse into silence as Seulgi hears a sharp breath on the other end of the line. And then she realizes.

 

“I’m really sorry I didn’t realize I called you Unnie; it just slipped out! I wasn’t thinking I just had a few drinks with someone, and I really didn’t mean to… I mean we’ve only met once. That’s presumptuous of me. I’m sorry.”

 

It’s fine. Call me Unnie. We’re getting married anyway.

 

Despite the completely level way the other woman says those words, Seulgi feels her cheeks warm.

 

“Um, okay. Unnie.”

 

Mm.

 

“Eat a lot of tasty things in Amsterdam. And in Hong Kong. I’ll send you a message when I complete my paperwork, so you don’t have to worry.

 

Mm, okay.

 

“And, um, you can call me Seulgi if you want. Not Miss Kang. You’re not one of my students or one of my work colleagues.”

 

Seulgi.

 

“Yes?”

 

Alright.

 

Seulgi smiles as they lapse into a comfortable silence. She glances up and sees her subway home pull into the station.

 

“U-unnie, I have to go now but I’ll message you later to confirm?”

 

Alright. Get home safely.

 

“Okay. Good night!”

 

Mm.

 

Seulgi hears the silence replaced with the song she’d been listening to earlier.

 

-i feel like winter, white and cold-

 

 

 

Day 20

 

 

Seulgi bounces a leg as she waits at a table for Joohyun to arrive. The coffee shop is a little daunting with a menu that reminds her of those historical dramas she’d seen with British people and tiered trays of baked goods with tea. Afternoon tea is the new trend for Seoul’s influencers if the number of livestreams and posed pictures being taken around her is any indication.

 

“Hello. Sorry I’m late.”

 

Seulgi glances up and smiles at Joohyun who stands before her in a houndstooth blazer and stylish light-wash jeans tucked into dark boots.

 

“Hello! Is everything alright?”

 

“It’s fine. My flight arrived later than expected.”

 

“Did you come straight here?”

 

“Yes,” Joohyun says slowly as she thumbs through the stylish menu printed on delicate paper. Her fingers absentmindedly play with the edges decorated with white lace.

 

“Aren’t you tired?”

 

Joohyun lifts her head with a frown.

 

“It doesn’t matter. I promised you we’d meet today to look at the results from the BMM together.”

 

Seulgi swallows as she studies the other woman looking at her resolutely. Their correspondence over the past few weeks has been steadier than she expected. Seulgi had sent an occasional picture when there’d been a lull in the conversation, a selfie of her with a student or a random cat she’d seen on her walk home. She’d been surprised by how her few pictures had resulted in a slew of selfies from Joohyun. Most of them were partially obscuring her face by whatever object she’d been trying to showcase. A bottle of soju. A book. A new pair of glasses.

 

Although it had been nice to see Joohyun’s face practically every day in picture form, Seulgi thinks seeing her like this, with the light from the window highlighting her delicate features, is best.

 

“What are you looking at?”

 

Seulgi startles as she realizes that she’s been staring at the other woman for too long. Joohyun is looking over at her with an arched eyebrow.

 

“S-sorry,” Seulgi mumbles as she covers her face with the menu, leaning forward to practically hide her whole head.

 

“You’re allowed to look. I don’t mind.” Seulgi peeks over the menu and sees Joohyun looking back at her with a slight smile. It makes Seulgi’s face feel unbearably hot.

 

“You said the BMM results came,” Seulgi mumbles, looking down at the menu again. She squints as she tries to read the tiny font for the drinks. Should have gotten lasik before she went to college.

 

“Mm, they did. Let’s order first and then we can look.”

 

Joohyun puts her menu down with an air of authority that has Seulgi swallowing. Almost immediately a waitress walks over in a frilly uniform, talking to Joohyun first. Seulgi supposes there is a charm in having someone in person take your order. But that personal experience is something mainly reserved for high-brow restaurants or themed cafes these days.

 

“And what would you like?”

 

“Uh…” Seulgi ducks her head as she squints at the menu before slumping her shoulders.

 

“Do you have earl gray tea?”

 

“Yes, we do.”

 

“Could I have an earl gray latte?”

 

“Hot or cold?”

 

“Cold please.”

 

The waitress nods and quickly takes their menus, flashing Seulgi a smile as she walks off.

 

“Do you have trouble reading normally?”

 

“Uh, well I actually wear glasses. But wearing them is a hassle so I usually just leave them at home.”

 

“What about when you teach?”

 

Seulgi laughs to herself as a different waitress comes by and carefully places an impressive tower of little cakes, sandwiches, and pastries in the middle of the table.

 

“I just make sure to have the font extra big on the smartboard. I teach elementary school kids, so it isn’t a big deal.”

 

“You should wear your glasses more. It’s not good for your eyes.”

 

Seulgi bites the inside of her cheek as she tries to ignore how domestic this conversation is sounding. She turns toward the tower of treats and points a finger at a small cucumber sandwich.

 

“Are there more people coming here?”

 

“No,” Joohyun says simply as she reaches for a madeleine and munches contentedly.

 

“Are you going to eat this whole thing by yourself?”

 

“Seulgi-yah, this is for us to share.”

 

Seulgi blinks at the way Joohyun’s voice curls around the syllables of her name. It’s the first time she’s heard it in person.

 

“Oh, you don’t have to… I’m not really that hungry…”

 

Joohyun just waves a hand as she leans back in her seat.

 

“You should eat well before we see whether we can progress to our marriage certification. We might have to do an emergency drive down to Sejong-si and you’ll miss dinner.”

 

“They have restaurants down there, I’m sure,” mutters Seulgi as she reaches for a finger sandwich. She munches on the soft white bread with cucumber and cream cheese filling.

 

They lapse into silence as Joohyun sips on the tea that comes with her special set. Seulgi works on her second finger sandwich as she tries to hide the nerves that must be obvious on her face. Should she feel more comfortable with Joohyun? They’re going to get married after all. And Seulgi doesn’t find Joohyun… unattractive. But as she looks at the other woman, chewing slowly on her food, she can’t quite place her unease. Shouldn’t there be something more here? Shouldn’t they have some sort of-

 

“Your tea.”

 

Seulgi startles, nearly flinging the last bit of her sandwich into the waitress’ face.

 

“T-thanks.” She dips her head and grips the icy glass in front of her. Frowning, she takes a few big gulps from her drink.

 

“Should I read it, since you can barely see?”

 

“Sure.”

 

Seulgi watches as Joohyun pulls out her tablet and taps a few times on its surface. A small frown puckers the space between her eyebrows.

 

“So it says that… there are no issues and that we can proceed.”

 

Joohyun looks up and seems to watch Seulgi carefully for her reaction. She blinks slowly, feeling nothing at the announcement.

 

“You seem… neutral.”

 

Seulgi simply shrugs as she moves around the ice in her glass.

 

“I’m glad it went well. Less of a hassle.”

 

“Is there…” Seulgi looks up to see Joohyun looking at the table in front of her, the frown on her face more pronounced. She shifts in her seat, opening and closing a few times like she’s just about to say something. But nothing comes out. Instead she sighs quietly and reaches for her tea.

 

Seulgi looks down at her beige-colored drink.

 

“I’m sorry. I’m sure you wanted a better reaction.”

 

“No, it’s fine. We barely know each other. Regardless of how compatible we may be according to the algorithm. It’d be crazy if we were excited.”

 

“You seem like a nice person. I’m sure we’ll be a good match.”

 

Joohyun looks right at her, one hand holding her cup of tea right to her lips. She pauses as she seems to search Seulgi’s face for something.

 

“I’m just glad they changed that law. About same- marriages.”

 

“Well when the UN threatened to remove South Korea’s UN membership status on the grounds of human rights abuses toward a ual minority,” Seulgi trails off before taking a sip of her drink.

 

“I remember being a teenager and being so afraid I’d have to marry… a man.”

 

Seulgi looks at Joohyun, swallowing at the way the other woman stares off a little into the distance with a clenched jaw. 

 

“It doesn’t matter to the BMM. Since they already have a budget for IVF and alternative insemination procedures. They even made surrogacy legal. Just as long as people can have enough children to-”

 

“Secure South Korea’s future?” Joohyun wryly finishes for her. It’s a familiar phrase that they’ve both grown up on.

 

“So that we can compete with our neighbors as an active participant-”

 

“In the global economy.”

 

They both share small smiles as they sip on the rest of their drinks. The daily news broadcast’s reused script clearly has stuck like a jingle from a commercial.

 

“What happens next?”

 

Joohyun purses her lips as she glances back down at her tablet, scrolling to the end of the email.

 

“We have to go in person to register our marriage, but we can do it in Seoul. No need to go down to Sejong-si again.”

 

“And then?”

 

“Well, I guess we would have to move in together. Eventually.”

 

“My parents want to meet you. Before we do that.”

 

“So do mine.”

 

They both collectively sigh, silence stretching between them. Seulgi tries not to think about what it will be like meeting Joohyun’s family. The mere thought makes her palms sweaty.

 

“Did your parents like the… picture we took together?”

 

Seulgi smiles into her hand as she rests her elbow against the table.

 

“My dad kept saying how pretty you are. He said he’ll have the prettiest granddaughter in the world. ‘She’ll be my princess’ little princess!’”

 

Joohyun’s mouth twitches at the words.

 

“Your father sounds kind.”

 

“He spoiled me a ton growing up. And my brother recently got married so he’s very excited to be a grandpa that can spoil his grandchildren. Hearing that I’ll be getting married soon is making both my parents so excited that they barely sleep.”

 

“If they don’t sleep, what do they do?”

 

“My mom is trying to crochet a baby blanket. My dad is reading self-help books about how to be a good grandpa.”

 

“They have those now?” Joohyun asks curiously, her slow smile making her eyes crinkle a little.

 

“Yeah. I mean all the bestsellers these days are about babies or how to be a better parent. They probably have a self-help book for how to be a good great-aunt if you looked hard enough.”

 

“My parents aren’t exactly doing that. They’re not very outwardly… expressive.”

 

Seulgi glances up and watches the way Joohyun bites her lip, a bit of insecurity seeping from her overall neutral expression.

 

“It’s fine. I mean we’re not even married yet. My parents are just being silly.”

 

“Still. It’s sweet. But my mother in her own way she’s… she’s making me take cooking classes with her so that I can be a little more helpful around the house.”

 

“Good. Because my cooking is terrible.”

 

“Oh no. We might not even make it to having a baby if we end up starving.”

 

Seulgi smiles despite the way those words rub against the confusing feeling rolling in her chest.

 

“Is the deadline still a year for the beginning of fertility appointments?”

 

Joohyun nods after quickly double-checking the email.

 

“Marriage registrations have to be six months after receiving the notice from the BMM and then fertility appointments must be started no later than a year after marriage registration.”

 

“It’s all so thoroughly planned out.”

 

“Well, they’ve had nearly thirty years to get the formula right. It seems their way works.”

 

“Mm,” Seulgi mumbles as she finishes her drink, sipping on the last bit of her watered-down tea. She can’t quite manage to look up at Joohyun as she wonders what it would have been like if this had been just a regular date. The two of them meeting again after a coincidental first encounter. Would there be more to the awkwardness between them, Seulgi wonders as she thinks of those banned romance movies she’d illegally downloaded at an internet café. Would they have more of that flirty banter as they participated in the emotional tug of war that always seemed to blossom from falling in love?

 

But it doesn’t matter. They’re not in one of those old movies. They’re living in a reality where they’ve known each other for less than a month and they’re already discussing their timeline for their marriage and first child.

 

Seulgi looks across the table at the other woman and she does not hear the musical crescendo of a song telling her that she’s falling in love as the lighting from the soft spring day highlights the browns in Joohyun’s hair. Instead, she just feels nerves coiled tightly in her stomach and dread in the set of her jaw as she sees Joohyun tentatively smile at her before glancing down to sip at her tea.

 

 

 

Day 38

 

 

Seulgi stares at the message from Joohyun, a blurry selfie of the other woman in a crisp white button-down with a smiling red mouth.

 

Joohyun-unnie: See you soon!

 

Seulgi swallows as she puts her phone face down next to her computer. After Seulgi finishes her lesson plan, she’s getting off work early to go with Joohyun to register their marriage.

 

Things have been proceeding at a steady clip after they had a relatively painless meeting with their respective parents. Seulgi had been forced into the nicest dress she owned and her mother had gone with her to a hairdresser to make the best possible impression on her future in-laws. When Seulgi had grumbled about the ridiculous fuss, her mother had just tugged at her hair in exasperation.

 

“Her father is a CEO and her mother goes to the same church as the First Lady! You two might be matched but you don’t think they’re powerful enough to make the rest of this process difficult?”

 

Maybe slowing things down would be good, Seulgi had thought hopefully as she and her parents had entered the upscale restaurant and been escorted to a private room. She’d been adjusting the belt cinching the waist of her dress when she saw Joohyun waiting expectantly at the door. Seulgi had smiled, relieved that Joohyun was only wearing a black pencil skirt and an expensive-looking silk blouse. Not the ballroom gown that her mother seemed to think the extremely wealthy would wear for such an occasion. But when she didn’t receive a smile in return, just wide-eyed staring, Seulgi had looked down at her outfit in concern. It was a simple A-line black dress with minimal frills.

 

“Hello, Unnie. Is everything okay?”

 

And Joohyun had just swallowed hard, not quite able to make eye contact as she’d nodded shakily in reply before stepping forward and greeting Seulgi’s parents. The perfect future daughter-in-law.

 

Joohyun had led them inside and everyone exchanged bows and greetings, sitting across from each other at a burnished wooden table. Things were a little stilted and awkward until Joohyun’s father had cracked a dry joke that Seulgi had giggled at, earning a charmed smile from the other man. And then when Seulgi showed the table a picture of her with her class of second graders, Joohyun’s mother’s shoulders seemed to finally relax.

 

Everything felt final after that.

 

“That went really well,” Joohyun had murmured under the lamplight outside the restaurant. Their parents had both left, encouraging them to get a coffee before returning home.

 

“Really?”

 

“My mother doesn’t smile very easily. But she seemed to like you.”

 

“My parents liked you, too. I think my dad thinks you’re an even better daughter-in-law than my brother’s wife.”

 

Joohyun had looked down at the comment, trying to hide her smile from Seulgi’s line of sight.

 

“I’ll try my best to be a good daughter-in-law. And wife.”

 

Any of Seulgi’s words she’d been practicing secretly in front of the mirror about maybe taking things a little slower and feeling things out died on her tongue. Because Joohyun was looking at her and there was this lightness to her face that Seulgi thought was devastatingly hopeful.

 

Seulgi felt trapped in the moment, unable to say anything other than:

 

“I’m sure you will.”  

 

Everything that happened afterward fell into place like gravity.

 

Naturally, the next step was to register their marriage and move in together. It said so according to their marriage timeline handbook. Joohyun’s father apparently had a friend with an eye for prime real estate looking for apartments decently close to their respective workplaces.

 

It’s okay if we start with a one bedroom, right? We’ll move somewhere bigger when we have the baby.

 

Seulgi hadn’t moved from her spot by her window after Joohyun had hung up with a gentle goodnight Seulgi-yah, staring at her reflection in the glass.

 

“Miss Kang?”

 

Seulgi jerks from her desk, almost pinwheeling her arms to not lose balance at her desk chair. She tightly grips the bottom of the seat, snapping her head toward the door.

 

It’s Sooyoung in the doorway, holding a bag full of old hard drives. Seulgi glances at the colleagues around them and resists the urge to casually call out her first name with a string of angry curses.

 

“Mm, what is-”

 

And then she sees Joohyun poke her head around Sooyoung, smile a little shy.

 

“Hi. You said to meet at 3PM.”

 

Seulgi frowns as she glances at her wristwatch and jerks out of her chair in surprise. Sooyoung giggles at her face and disappears with a wave.

 

“Oh! It’s 3:15! Unnie, I’m so sorry did you call me?”

 

Joohyun just shrugs a shoulder as she walks up to Seulgi’s side, and glances curiously at the stack of folders with careful labels. Seulgi hunches over her desk, still standing, as she clicks out of her work email and a few open documents.

 

“It must be cold during the winter. Being closest to the door.”

 

Seulgi pauses in confusion and looks over at Joohyun.

 

“Mm. I’m one of the youngest teachers here. And I’m a short-term teacher at that. Originally Sooyoung was given this desk but she gets cold easily.”

 

“Sooyoung?”

 

“Oh, the teacher who came up with you earlier.”

 

Joohyun hums as she nods slowly, face pensive. And then her eyebrows shoot up and she tugs thoughtlessly at Seulgi’s sleeve. She points a finger at a luxurious looking box in the corner of Seulgi’s desk, an almost childish grin on her face.

 

“You kept the box for the gift I got you! From Amsterdam!”

 

Seulgi nods patiently trying to ignore the way her stomach churns at the warmth of Joohyun’s hand gripping her arm. That day at the café when they checked the status of their marriage match, Joohyun had given her a pastel purple colored box with a scarf inside. It was a creamy white and felt so soft that Seulgi had felt afraid to wear it outside.

 

Sometimes, at home in the privacy of her room, she’d wrap it around her neck and press her face into the fabric. Squeezing her eyes tightly shut, she would wish for time to just go a little slower.

 

“I thought it was pretty. And it was from you so I… I felt bad about throwing it away.”

 

“Because it was from me?”

 

Seulgi thinks of sitting nervously in an internet café, hoodie covering her face as she watched, enraptured, as the female lead held a precious memento from her beloved to her chest.

 

“Should I have thrown it away?” Seulgi asks softly, feeling her brow furrowed in concern. Has she accidentally revealed herself and how she secretly wishes she could have a love like those movies-

 

“No it’s… it’s sweet.” Joohyun squeezes Seulgi’s arm, a thumb gently the soft cotton of her work blouse. She lingers for a long moment and Seulgi can hear her own heart pounding in her ears until Joohyun lets go, clasping her hands in front of her.

 

“Hopefully you like the scarf as much as the box. You should wear it. When it gets colder. Since you’re close to the door.”

 

Seulgi smiles with a quiet laugh as she finishes packing her bag.

 

“Ready?”

 

Joohyun nods and Seulgi walks to the desk of the teacher she works the most with.

 

“Miss Choi, I’ll be leaving now.”

 

“Oh, okay, Miss Kang!”

 

Seulgi nods and follows Joohyun out of the teacher’s lounge and into the empty hallway.

 

“Sorry about not picking up earlier. I was sort of out of it.”

 

“Oh?” Joohyun casts a concerned glance over her shoulder, eyes flitting over Seulgi’s face.

 

“Yeah, I couldn’t…. couldn’t sleep very well last night. Nervous, I guess. About today.”

 

Joohyun pauses at the foot of the stairs, back to Seulgi. There is something unassumingly elegant about the line of Joohyun’s shoulders, highlighted by the tailored pinstripe blazer she’s wearing. She glances over at Seulgi and her profile, framed by the afternoon light spilling from the window overhead, really feels like something special. Something Seulgi will think about as she lies in her bed with that scarf wrapped around her neck, trying to understand why everything feels too much.

 

“I… I was a little nervous, too. It feels strange that we’ll be officially married by the end of today.”

 

“Right? Doesn’t it feel like,” Seulgi pauses, trying to be careful about how her words sound, “everything is happening all at once?”

 

“It does feel a bit overwhelming for a pretty normal Tuesday.”  

 

“Exactly! This—shouldn’t it feel more special?”

 

Joohyun’s mouth twists and Seulgi can instantly tell she’s said the wrong thing. The other woman turns to face ahead, one hand tightly gripping the banister.

 

“I know you aren’t exactly… enthused about this marriage. But I promise that even though this may not be by any means the happiest day in our lives, it’s special. At least to me.”

 

Seulgi bites her tongue and says nothing as she watches Joohyun walk ahead. She can’t quite manage to make herself follow. At least not right away. But the other woman is short enough that in a few measured strides Seulgi is right behind her.

 

“Unnie!”

 

Joohyun pauses, shoulders taut and hands balled into fists.

 

“I’m… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

 

“No. It’s not your fault. I let my emotions get the better of me. I mean everyone knows all that ‘marriage match is your soulmate’ propaganda is for high schoolers. It’s not like we’d meet and just be in love.”

 

Seulgi scoffs as she nervously scratches the back of her neck. She thinks of her favorite movie and how the two leads fell in love after hours of vulnerable conversation following a chance encounter on a train.

 

“Destiny and fate. I suppose some people like that sort of thing.”

 

“Yeah. Some people.”

 

Seulgi feels like apologizing again but she doesn’t know what for. And even though she barely knows Joohyun, she can tell that an apology is not what the other woman wants. She spends the entire car ride and the short walk to city hall silent and pensive. Numbly Seulgi gives the QR code for her name seal, not quite focusing on the words the low-level bureaucrat is telling them with a big smile as their marriage is officially registered.

 

She only stirs from her reverie when she’s handed a small bouquet of fake flowers by a secretary at the front desk and asked to wait a moment.

 

“We like to take pictures of the new couples registering their marriages every month! We’ll send you a link so that you can show it off to your friends and family.”

 

Seulgi nods slowly, the plastic wrapped around the flowers crinkling in her hands. She awkwardly turns to look at Joohyun who’s already posed against the backdrop the secretary has gestured them to go to. Swallowing, she stands next to the other woman, their shoulders barely brushing against each other.

 

“Oh, are you nervous? You can touch each other a little bit! You’ve just married your perfect match!”

 

A warm hand grips the inside of Seulgi’s elbow and she jerks at the contact, turning to look at Joohyun. Just as the other woman meets her eyes with a hollow smile, Seulgi hears the click of the camera.

 

Pictures are memories, Seulgi thinks, her eyes lingering on Joohyun’s profile as she faces forward when the impromptu photoshoot is over. Seulgi wonders just what kind of memory this will be when she looks back with wrinkled hands at the pixels that form this image. Of Bae Joohyun prettily smiling up at Kang Seulgi, holding a few pink flowers and wearing matching blushes under the fluorescent lights of the Bureau of Marriage Affair’s lobby.

 

Will this memory be a good one? Sweetened with the love of something that has grown over time?

 

Or will it be a reminder that something as artificial as the flowers that Seulgi is holding can never replace the real thing?