Community service turned out not to be as bad as I imagined, nor were JinSol's guidelines. The authoritative tone she used with me to try to protect the crabs that I tried so hard not to step on was really cute. She had become bearable after a few weeks of sharing my afternoons and deserved points for hearing me make a complaint every two minutes and still be quiet about them, always so controlled and patient. Yerim would have already threw something at me, for sure.

JinSoul was playful, but nothing more.

We didn't talk to each other at school, we didn't have lunch together or anything like that. I avoided her, yes; I ignored her when she called my name before leaving for the break and pretended not to see her exaggerated nods in Physical Education, the worst subject in the world that JinSol, curiously, seemed to like a lot.

I was beginning to be forced to pay attention to Jung JinSol and it bothered me deeply: I had to memorize the places where the little princess used to stay at school just to avoid crossing randomly with her; I memorized the faces of her closest friends to avoid being seen by them and let them keep any information about me and, of course, I also memorized the color tone of her hair and the height of her body, to be able to quickly identify her among the other students and run away.

Something not very honorable, I know, but nothing compared to the other things I had done in my life.

JinSoul's musical taste was something else and it made me sensitive because we were very similar in this respect, so I found out, and it left me in agony. The princess of Loonaville liked to listen to music whenever we cleaned the feed freezer because she believes this was a good distraction from the stench of dead fish and earth, so now she played Green Day on her cell phone speakers while she moved her body over Boulevard of Broken Dreams rhythm while breaking the ice on the shelves. She looked like a child.

"Stop laughing at me!" She sounded irritated after almost falling into one of her invented dance moves.

"Me? I am not laughing at you. I'm not even laughing," I played dumb.

"Kimberly?" She called. "I can see that silly smile of yours from here!"

"I don't smile silly, Jung, that's where your mistake begins," JinSoul rolled her eyes at my speech and I pretended not to see the gracefully discreet smile that her lips formed.

"Can I ask you something?"

I stopped for a moment to look at her. JinSoul, as she had begged me several times to call her, looked shy in her movements, her cheeks pink with embarrassement. She hadn't asked for anything after the 'please help in the aquarium', which had been more of an order than anything else, and was keeping the promise she had made on my first day there, after I fell for her carelessness, to buy my lunch every day.

Not that I owed her anything, but if it was something I could do, maybe I would.

"Ask it and I'll think of the answer."

"We're doing well, I think. You think I'm cool, don't you? Like, we're friends, aren't we? Not friends like Olivia and I, but we're still friends, right?"

Her speech made me laugh and caused me an unusual desire to slap her for making me stop to think about it.

No, I don't consider JinSoul my friend. Haseul is my friend, JinSoul is just an acquaintance, a consequence of my mistake: the fact is clear in my head. However, there, looking at her flushed and hopeful face, I wondered if I'm a bad person enough to show it to her. In contrast, lying seemed unfair.

"Almost that, JinSoul," there is was, a leak in uncertain and indirect words. Apparently, it was enough for the blonde.

"Well, as your almost that," she dropped her tool on the floor and bounced over to me. Again, too close, as is her custom. The girl really knew how to be invasive without even realizing it. "I was wondering if you can come to my house on Saturday night."

I had to hide my surprise behind the expressionlessness of my features. The request was totally unexpected because, after all, what did she want with it? Why the hell did she expect to see me at her house? And she was careful enough to use the word 'can' and not 'want'.

I raised my eyebrows at her ask for more information.

"Please! Well, it's going to be a slumber party, so you don't even have to worry about getting home. Hyejoo and I will cook a lot of food and we cook very well, I promise. Or we can just order pizza."

"I'll ignore it because I think you have not been in your head these days."

"Kimberly! Please, it will be cool!"

"JinSoul, I dn't go to these things. It's ridiculous, I swear! Not to mention that I am not friends with your friends, what the hell would I do at your house with them?"

"We can watch movies! Or else marathon series. You can choose, I promise. I can even let you sleep in my bed if you want, since we usually sleep on the floor or on the couch. And I can take you home the next day,” she offered, committed to making her victim, me, accept. "If you go, I'll buy whatever you want. Anything at all!"

Assessing my situation — incidentally, being forced to doing so by under her insistent eyes —, I saw that it was not a bad offer. I thought about it when Jung JinSol's automatic playlist started a new song. A Little Death, by The Neighborhood.

I could make good use of an mp3. And a cigarette case. A new coat too. Perhaps there was something good to take from this great sacrifice.

"How many princesses like you will be there?" I asked, suspicious.

"Just Olivia, Chaewon and I."

"That's great," I mumbled, the same phrase repeating itself in my subconscious. It will be worth it. "Your credit card better be unlimited, Jung JinSol."

Again, I ignored her usual jumps of joy and subsequent comments about how amazing the night would be. Torture would be a better word, in my opinion, but I would not say anything because the blonde offered to buy the hot chocolate that is sold in the stall in front of the aquarium parking lot when we finished the task.

With the promise of the drink, I tried to rush the task and we managed to clean everything in half an hour. My stomach rumbled in thanks when the hot liquid hit its walls, warming even my brain, and I ended up drinking my supervisor's drink too. 'Too many calories' was the excuse used. And I didn't care if it meant more to me.

JinSoul was about to take me home — after offering it, breaking her mother's rule not to approach the orphanage neighborhood — when I spotted a shadow near McDonalds across the street and recognized it as belonging to Jo Haseul.

I told her that I preferred to walk.

When I arrived at the orphanage, it was about seven at night and many streets in the neighborhood were already dark; the curfew was at eight. It's unusual, but I didn't question Grimes or Choerry about it; I just ate the separate sandwich for myself and swallowed the watery lemon juice. I was tired and could only think about being able to rest.

After showering, I called Yeojin to do my homework, but as the little girl said she had already none it, Grimes thought it would be very convenient to send me on the next street to get more lemons and that was when I finally remembered about Haseul again. That was a good excuse to see her, and the older girl, strangely, was already there when I crossed the asphalt, wearing black leggings and an army print coat, the cigarette lit in her right hand.

Her lips tightened in a tight smile when she saw me.

"You must know what happened to me," I supposed, taking the cigarette from her.

"Yeah, I know. The boss also knows about it, so it's ok," she smiled again and our mouths meet for a few seconds. "I think it was predestined to happen because the information was wrong. The fish we instructed you to steal were alive, but we need the dead ones, that are now with the mayor. You need to find a way to get them, Jungeun."

.

"With the mayor?" She nodded in agreement. "At the city Hall?"

"No, worse; it's in her house. That damn woman! But since you're so friendly with her pet doll now, it will be easy for you. Won't it, Kim?"

"Easy is not the word I'd use, Haseul," I replied with disgust. "It's just more possible than impossible."

"Splendid," Haseul approached as soon as she swallowed again, blowing the smoke across my face with the proximity. "I haven't received your visit in a long time. Why don't you come back with me?"

I even thought about the proposal, but as soon as I sighed, my body complained of tiredness while the air circulated with intensity. I was in no condition to do anything else that night, although it was not a bad idea to accept Haseul's invitation because I had been a little tense lately.

Therefore, I looked at the floor before aligning our eyes. "I'm a bit tired today, maybe tomorrow?"

Haseul smiled, sensual as always, kissing me once more before walking away.

"I'll wait for you at the apartment tomorrow, as soon as you leave school," she announced, turning to leave.

"I have community service at the aquarium every afternoon after school, Haseul."

The brunette turned, the most convinced expression in the world on her beautiful face.

"I'm sure you're smart enough to get rid of that golden-haired doll at least once, Jungeun," and with that, she disappeared from my view, her shadow blending into the darkness of the street and the smoke from her newborn lit cigarette moving away.

+++

Friday. I hated Fridays, unusual as it might sound.

Who in the world would hate a day that you could say goodbye to school, right? But I had a good reason, a great reason. And it had a name and blond hair.

This was the only day I could be free, but, as always, Jung JinSol managed to screw that up too. Now, Fridays would be marked for me forever as the day when the annoying little princess Jung JingSol and her best friends found themselves entitled to interrupt my life and stop me as soon as they saw me in the hallway, minutes after the end of my Biology class, to talk to me, with their smiles on and their hair millimeter perfect and synchronized in position.

"Kimberly, I apologize. I really thought it would be just the four of us, you know? But I found out that Olivia's cousin came to visit the city this weekend with her girlfriend and it would be rude not to invite her too. Youdon't have a problem with that, do you?"

Yes, I do. Of course I do, you fool, was what I wanted to say as an answer, but I knew I would regret it if I acted in warm blood, so I took a deep breath and counted to ten mentally.

Well, from three to five there is not much difference. And I wouldn't find another opportunity as good as that to steal the... Fish.

"No, I don't," JinSoul automatically smiled and I saw the girl with golden curls, Chaewon, pass the information in sign language to Hyejoo, who smiled satisfied with the news.

"This is really great!"

I left them where they were and went out to the food court, having to go through the crowded cafeteria before sitting down at the table that Choerry had taken. My roommate waved when she saw me, pushing printed paper across my face.

"Yerim!" I complained, taking it from her hand to see what it was. It had an A written in red pen on her History test. "Incredible, you're not stupid," I joked in irony, handing it back to the owner.

"I told you you were a great teacher! Thank you for teaching me the subject," Yerim hugged me, rubbing her test across my face by accident again and released me only when she had me complaining in her arms.

"You forced me, it doesn't count."

"Yes, it does, of course it does."

I took a deep breath when I realized I was being a complete idiot and the girl's shoulder beside me as an implied apology. This week was being long and stressful. My mood and emotional were living from intense changes.

"Wow, Choerry! That's a wonderful result," Jung JinSol's voice sounded very close to us. The blonde placed her tray on the table and hugged the second orphan, clapping her hands as she sat between Yerim and I. "Congratulations!"

Not believing it, I looked at her immediately wishing absurdly that she was kidding me.

What was she thinking?! Sit with us, like that, without being invited to?! And then she put a sandwich and a chocolate-flavored cereal bar in front of me, as well as in front Yerim, who vibrated and thanked her for half a minute.

Well, JinSoul acted convincingly enough to stay, I reckon.

"I can live with that," I murmured, attacking the bar and feeling her smile widen.

In fact, I could live peacefully being blackmailed with food.

Choerry started a very boring conversation about the films that would soon be in the cinema, about the ones that were going on and the ones that had already left, and about how much she would kill in order to watch any of them. JinSoul accompanied her and I found myself watching them, wondering how this socialization could be so natural.

JinSoul managed to be the center of everything without even trying and, at that moment, it didn't bother me because she was stealing my attention too.

I noticed how her hair was not so smooth today. JinSoul had told me that she smoothed it every day, this when she I asked her about the curls that formed after we accidentally fell into a pool while trying to clean the aquarium glass of the starfish. When I asked why she did it, she replied that Jeon Heejin, years ago, had imposed the standard of beauty at school; having a straight hair were among the requirements. And I couldn't help but call her all the ugly names I knew because, how could she be such an influential idiot? Especially when her face was obviously much better with the natural waves circling it.

On this particular day, at school, the curls moved thanks to the draft that hit them.

A satisfied smile escaped my lips, following the girls' exaggerated lines. JinSoul's jaw was well defined as she told Choerry that she could take her to the movies sometime.

"Would you come too, Kimberly?" She asked. Yerim followed her gaze expectantly.

"I can watch anything if you buy me those nachos they sell at the entrance."

"Watch? What, where and when?" Chaewon was suddenly present, Olivia beside her, and they both sat next to my roommate the next second.

My eyebrows went up.

Who said I want them here? Who said they could stay? One spoiled girl was already beyond my limits, but three? That was making me beg for suicide!

I looked at JinSoul and her body shrank, simulating a silent 'sorry' with her lips.

"You did this!" I accused, but only the tallest blonde heard it, since the rest of the girls still discussed which movie we should watch. My head started to pound. "Argh."

I leaned over to pick up JinSoul's water bottle and poured the liquid down my throat. The headache was getting worse. It suddenly occured to me that I had just found the perfect excuse to get rid of my responsibilities for the day.

"JinSoul," I called. "I have a headache killing my brain. I don't know if I can work today."

The Princess of Loonaville looked at me with surreal concern and promptly pulled her backpack from the floor, taking something from inside it and handing it to me. It was a medicine booklet.

"Here, take this. It's okay, you can go home and rest, Kimberly. It would be awful if you got worse and ended up missing Saturday."

"Saturday? What's on Saturday?" Choerry butted in.

I cursed her damn ears and, unfortunately, we had another company for the exciting pajama party.

Frustrated, I got up and decided that I would miss the last two classes that would follow after the break as a reward, not giving much explanation to the company around me when I left them; once far enough away, I pulled on the hood of my coat and pressed myself against the fabric, heading for my destination.

Haseul did not live far. I know her partment was closer to the school than to the orphanage so I didn't have to walk much and ate JinSoul's sandwich on the way. The doorman let me in without even asking anything, quite used to my visits, and I opened the door with the extra key that the hostess used to leave under the dirty and worn carpet.

Jo Haseul's real home was really far from the city, outside California even, thousands of miles away. She preferred to keep her permanent residence away from her illegal activities, where no one was aware of it, not even me, so the tiny apartment she rented near the center was poorly maintained and without much furniture, being filled only with what is necessary to survive, such as a refrigerator, a  stove, a television and a sofa.

I didn't find her in her living room, so I went to the bedroom, equipped with the luxurious closed-channel television, the king-size bed and the thick white sheets. This was the only room that Haseul was evidently concerned with spending money on and probably the largest in the house.

Walking to the suite bathroom, I found clothes lying awkwardly on the floor and a gun placed worry-free over a marble sink. Haseul was inside the stall, with her turned to me. The hot water fell on her tanned skin without haste, the muscles defined thanks to the continuous movement she made every day, moving gracefully in a comforting bath, while her light brown strands slid down her soaked neck.

She has always been a beautiful woman.

I smiled, letting my own clothes fall and meet hers on the floor, and followed her under the hot water, holding her waist while my mouth touched her neck. Haseul moeaned when my hand found its target and her head tilted back, our bodies rubbing.

I knew that much more awaited for us, such as the various wallets of cigarettes on the bed and the bottles of alcohol that are kept in the closet.

(...)

I was already tired and dizzy from walking when I finally saw the orphanage's iron bars, which I jumped very carefully to make no noise, and it was very complicated due to my frequent imbalance. Forcing myself to pay attention to where I stepped, I went to the bottom of the lot, where my bedroom window was.

When the girls and I went to sleep, we used to leave the window closed due to Yeojin's silly and fertile imagination, that made her insist that monsters would come out of it. But Choerry knew I would need it open to enter the building, so that's how I found it, almost begging me to pass through. And so I did, throwing my backpack first and then my body, longing for a good, deep night's sleep.

Truth be told, Haseul didn't even know that I had left the apartment so late at night, because if she had, she would have accompanied me or ordered a taxi, but I just didn't want to stay overnight or wake her up.

I found Yeojin sleeping on my bed, sprawled on the worn mattress. The cover had fallen from her body, hovering on the floor. I carried her in my arms and placed her on her own bed, then raised the mattress of mine to hide the new cigarette case that Haseul had given me between the wood and the mite.

"Grimes asked about you," Yerim's voice was there, making me jump and look at her.

"Damn it, Yerim!" I screamed in a whisper.

"I said told her that you would sleep at JinSoul's house and that you would only return on Sunday, so find an excuse to explain your presence here to her tomorrow."

"What, do you want me to thank you?"

The lack of lighting prevented us from seeing each other's faces, but I knew that Yerim was red with anger. I saw her shadow rise and walk towards me.

"You smell of alcohol, and cigarettes, Jungeun. It's disgusting,” she sounded hateful, emotional as she always was. 'You're drunk, aren't you? You were with her."

Choerry? Yeah, she wasn't exactly a fan of Haseul.

"You have to stop meddling in my life, dude."

"Meddling?! I try to help you, Jungeun! But it's a very difficult task when all you do is drive people away and kill yourself more and more, in every way possible. That idiot bring nothing good to your life!"

I simply hated it when Yerim tried to act like a concerned mother  with me, criticizing every little action of mine, judging any form of survival I encountered.

My eyes rooled at her pursuit as I ran away from that conversation. We couldn't create an argument now because it was too late and my brain was not stable to provide an adequate response.

"I don't even know how you got here, honestly. Drunk as you are..."

"So pitiful, isn't it? Too bad I'm stuck with 'that idiot' until the end of my stay in that damn city. Maybe even a little bit more. Do you want to take my place, Choi Yerim?" Irritated enough not to care about anything else, I ended up exceeding my tone of voice. I just wanted the girl to shut up at once or my head would explode.

Fortunately, Yeojin didn't even move, too deeply asleep to wake up, and Choerry was silent for a few seconds, giving me a chance to use them to lie down and turn my body against the wall, away from her image. It didn't take long for another body to appear on the mattress, lying next to me, her arm around my waist and her face touching the back of my neck.

"Have you notice that she gives you cigarettes, but never food?" She relaxed her voice, but kept talking. Yerim didn't know that she was telling the biggest lie of all, but I knew it and so I ignored it because I didn't want to argue anymore. I owe Haseul a lot, more than I could ever pay her back, but I was the only one who knew that. "It's an empty relationship, Jungeun. You know it."

"I don't have many options at hand, Yerim. You know it,” I sighed, feeling I could pass out easily from tiredness.

"You could see her only when necessary. You could stop looking for her, let go of that addiction, let people get close to you again," she clutched my body in her arms and I felt her skin tremble against mine. "I just don't want you to die, Jungeun, physically or not. Honestly, I don't know which option is worse."