Is my love too much?
Or is it just enough for you, for you?
'Cause, it's getting late, would you like to stay? Ah
'Cause I'm bad at reading signs

But I, I wanna do
Whatever you wanna do
If you wanted to
Girl, we could cross that line

-Feelings, Lauv

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I was in a state of confusion.

Hendery was in front of me, beaming as if the fact that he had my wallet in his pocket was the biggest achievement of the year. People were beginning to notice us, both of us standing right in the middle of the busiest places of YG University called the Center.

It was slang to us, an intersection connecting all the buildings at a single point and people usually didn’t stop where we were.

Hendery tapped his foot against the ground, a smile frozen on his face when he snapped his fingers in front of me. I jumped at the sudden sound; Hendery leaning forward, making me take a step backward. Someone slammed against my shoulder and I realized that we were in other people’s way. I grabbed his wrist, pulling him towards the side.

“So, let’s retrace our steps,” he began, continuing to chatter on. “You are pertinent to the crime. Just so you know, I think you are very suspicious and I have a lot of things in my wallet. One may even say I am… rich. But only in Macau. Korea, not so much.”

I was blank.

“Sorry?”

“So, let’s go, Gucci!”

I was flustered by the sudden nickname, Hendery turning on his heel and about to walk away.

“Well?”

I didn’t know what was going on in my mind. I just knew that going around and finding a wallet looked like a better way to spend my time rather than being greeted by an empty apartment. I followed him, backpack in hand, my steps quickening as I tried to keep up with him.

Hendery was friendly, I could tell.

It was how bright he was; how his face was always pulled back into a smile. It was also how he slowed down his pace so he was walking beside me, Hendery waving at a couple of people before yelling out loudly to get their attention.

“Oi! You! Lucas’ friend!” he greeted and upon being looked at with confusion, he pointed at himself. “I’m Hendery, you remember?”

“No?” the person said back and I would have flushed red with embarrassment if it was me but not Hendery. He waved a hand.

“Okay, it’s okay! You’ll get to know me later.” and with that, he had turned back and pulled me along with him. His grip on my elbow wasn’t hard and strong, instead, it was somewhat gentle, leading me so we wouldn’t get caught in the crowd when he turned and flashed me a smile. “Oh, give that to me.”

He pointed at my bag and I blinked, pulling it against my chest to show that I didn’t want to.

“You already have my wallet as a hostage,” I pointed out and he shook his head, his fingers leaving my elbow and grabbing the strap of my bag. He pulled and I gave it to him without a fight.

“To hold,” he corrected, chuckling to himself. “Are you naturally this submissive or are you scared of me?”

I didn’t know what to say, Hendery not waiting for my answer. Instead, his hand went back to my elbow, the male tugging me along.

We stopped by the side of YG University, where all the cabs were at and he hummed to himself. He slung my bag over his shoulder and when a cab arrived, he told me to enter the vehicle. I followed with no complaints, still wondering what was going on in his mind.

Hendery took a seat beside me, closing the door and looking out the window after giving the driver Johnny’s address. The only thing I got from it was “N-CITY district, Seoul” and a bunch of street numbers. He pressed his lips together before speaking.

“I can feel your eyes on me,” he mused, not looking at me. “Am I that handsome or… once again, are you scared?”

This time, he turned and our eyes connected. I quickly looked away, clearing my throat.

“You’re just interesting,” I admitted. It was my turn to look out the window.

“How are you feeling?” he asked suddenly and when I looked back, he had his eyes on me. I didn’t know if he cared or if he was making small talk, the male fiddling with the strap of my bag that was on his lap. “Johnny found out what the drugs were. You’ll be feeling a bit off. Have you eaten any chocolate?”

I nodded slowly, Hendery giving a satisfied grunt.

“Is it normal to feel this way? I didn’t know it could be this intense.”

“Drugs, you know. A moment of euphoria for a string of down days right after.” He winked at me and I turned red, the blood rushing to my cheeks. “Don’t worry, you’ll get through it. A friend of mine accidentally tried it once and it was chaos thereafter. It’s worse when you already have something to worry about.”

“It amplifies feelings that are already there, doesn’t it?”

“Don’t do drugs, kids,” Hendery said lowly, laughing more to himself as his hand reached up to comb through his black hair. “But don’t worry! I’ll be with you every step of the way. It’ll be over in no time. First, we find my wallet.”

I was zoned out on the first part of his sentence but when he mentioned his wallet, I remembered he said that I had the exact same wallet.

“Do you remember where you put it?” I asked, my hands reaching forward for my bag. It seemed like Hendery stiffened for a moment when my fingers went closer to his lap, his eyes widening. “Oh, sorry. I just—I just wanted to get a hair tie.”

“Oh.” He cleared his throat, nodding quickly. “Where is it? I’ll get it for you.”

“Front pocket. The zipper…”

“This one? Wow, why do you have so many hair ties?”

“I lose them a lot,” I admitted, Hendery passing me a hair tie and I gathered my hair up before twisting it up in a bun. I could feel his eyes on me from my peripheral vision and when I looked up at him, he looked away. Secret glances that I would later think about, wondering what was on his mind. “So, we’re going to Johnny?”

“He has a Lost and Found,” Hendery told me, his eyes on the street. His knuckles were white, the male holding the strap of my bag tightly between his fingers. “I need to get my wallet.”

“We’ll find it,” I said softly. “You must be very worried. Relax.”

“I think I should tell you that instead.” He laughed softly, the cab coming to a stop. Hendery took out my wallet, fishing out a few bills, and paid without my consent but for some reason, I was okay with it. “I’ll pay you back later.”

I didn’t doubt that. Hendery seemed like a decent guy. We exited the cab, finally getting off the cab.

Johnny was home and I could tell from the jazz music in the background. He was probably cleaning up. I followed Hendery inside the house, hearing him greet a couple of his friends.

“Eh? Lucas, you stayed over?” he asked and I peeked from behind him, feeling shy at the number of strangers present. “Gucci, this is my best friend. Lucas!”

The guy named Lucas was topless and had jeans on, his fingers lazily plucking a cigarette from a box when he looked at me. His eyes went to Hendery then back at me, Lucas cocking up an eyebrow. He didn’t acknowledge me, saying something to Hendery in Chinese that made me look at Hendery.

Was he not Korean?

Hendery said something back, turning to look at me and flashing me a smile.

“Yeah, well. Good luck,” Lucas grunted when a loud voice came from behind the counter.

“Smoke outside!” Johnny yelled out and Lucas gave a huff, standing up and obeying Johnny’s orders. “Hey, Hendery. I got your call. This way. Oh—You came.”

“Yeah. Gucci is very sus, Johnny hyung. I think she stole my wallet,” Hendery piped up and I, very surprisingly, punched his shoulder lightly. I was scared of Johnny. It wasn’t the fact that he was six feet tall; it was the fact that he seemed to have everything under control and was used to being the one in control. “Ouch?”

“Sorry,” I immediately said, Hendery laughing. Johnny too, was staring at both of us weirdly when he finally put a box of things on the counter. I saw a bunch of wallets, phones, full cigarette packs, and a few other things that were kind of thrown in the mix.

Underwear, bras, and for some reason there was an odd one out, which was a scientific calculator.

Johnny saw where my gaze fell at, the male chuckling.

“One of the jocks of SMU is an architecture student. He came and he ended up studying since he has an exam today for a math-based elective. Was a sight.”

“Are you talking about Jungwoo?” Hendery asked, Johnny nodding. “Johnny hyung… Do the thing.”

“What thing?”

Hendery had motioned to me. “Interrogate her. I told you she’s sus.”

Being interrogated by Johnny seemed like hell and I quickly shook my head, flustered by Hendery’s accusation. Did he bring me here because he actually thought that I was the one who stole his wallet? Johnny smacked Hendery on the head.

“Ouch. Johnny!” Hendery whined, rubbing the spot.

“Look at you, look at you. It’s Hyung one time, it’s just Johnny the next. Make up your mind!” he barked and Hendery made a face at the older male. “But that being said, I checked it. Your wallet isn’t here, Hendery. Maybe if you’re lucky, the person who took it will contact you. You should cancel out your credit card—”

“I don’t have a credit card. Just a debit,” Hendery butted in but he seemed to already be on it. “I’ll borrow Lucas’ debit for the time being. My sisters should be able to give me money.”

“Please, I know they’d send you a ton if they knew you were living without your wallet. I’m more worried about your student ID and identification card.” Johnny glanced at me before he took in a sharp inhale. “That being said… Hendery, do you know what you’re doing?”

With Johnny’s question, Hendery looked up at him quizzingly.

“You know who she is?” Johnny motioned to me and I lifted a hand to point at myself.

“You mean, Gucci?” Hendery asked and I blinked. “Yeah, I do.”

“If you do, what exactly are you doing?”

“What is he doing?” I asked, my eyelashes fluttering. Why was Johnny speaking about me as if I was a bad influence?

“I spotted you a mile away, Gucci,” Johnny told me, grabbing a wet cloth and beginning to wipe the counter. “When you entered my place last night. I didn’t want to ask why you were here then. Your roommate also didn’t give me answers. Girl was too busy getting it on with Lucas over there. Question is, what were you doing at my party?”

So, Lucas was the one my roommate had hooked up with. I wouldn’t tell her—I knew she didn’t like seconds.

“Uh…”

“And if news goes out that you and Hendery went into a bedroom together, I reckon it’d cause trouble.”

“Why would it?” I squeaked. I didn’t like how this sounded. Not at all.

“That’s why I came to make sure the door was wide open and to tell everyone to leave. Knocks out all the blame and those who came all knew you were drugged by some dip who brought drugs over.”

“W-Why would it cause trouble?” I repeated my question, Hendery propping his elbows on the counter and looking at me.

“Gucci,” Johnny began and it seemed like my nickname had now been picked up by him. “You’re on a blacklist. An untouchable list, so to say. Your boyfriend—”

“A list?” I asked, my knees wobbling. I’ve never heard of this list but I do remember a few instances where Wonwoo would tell me that a guy got beat up because he was seen with someone else's girl. He never worried about me since I wasn’t very social. “There is such a list?”

“I mean, we don’t want to mess with each other’s girl. It’s just… gang code, I guess.” Johnny shrugged. “And we all know you’re Wonwoo’s girlfriend—”

“We broke up,” I mumbled under my breath and I saw Hendery tilt his head at my words, pressing his lips together. “I mean, that’s why I was at your party. My roommate said that going to your party, there wouldn’t be anyone I know.”

“She’s right about that. SEVENTEEN, excluding than Hoshi, aren’t allowed here.” Johnny nodded. “But we do our research before we start hanging out with someone, you know? No one can set eyes on you or they’ll wage war. We simply don’t with women—”

“Woah, Woah. Hold it there, hyung.” Hendery held up a hand. “I only need my wallet. Besides, Gucci and I are friends! You guys take it too far. That being said, the first time I’m hearing of this list, too. Hoshi didn’t tell me.”

“And you have to stop hanging out with Hoshi,” A voice said from behind us and I saw Lucas closing the door shut behind him, grabbing a shirt to tug it on. “What are you both? A diplomat between gangs? Jesus, Hendery.”

“I’m not part of your stupid gang war. Hoshi is nice and that’s that,” Hendery scoffed. “You leave me out of it.”

“Just saying. Your boyfriend tried to hit on Kim Bunny the other day. Jeno lost his . Now, he’ll pounce at the name of Wonwoo.”

“We all know that Jeno is protective over Bunny. I mean, look at that girl.” Hendery laughed, answering Johnny’s statement. “She’s a handful but she’s Jeno’s handful and Jeno’s alone. Besides, Jeno isn’t in a gang.”

“He said, for the sake of keeping Bunny on the blacklist so no one touches her, he’d join the gang.” Lucas sounded amused, the male falling back onto the couch. Johnny snickered, shaking his head. I wondered who this Jeno guy was, Hendery sighing at the absurdity of it.

But I was worried and I was scared.

“How am I going to date men if I’m on this list?” I buried my face in my hands and Johnny gave me a sympathetic glance. “Does it not matter that Wonwoo and I are not together anymore?”

“It doesn’t. Unless something happens and they take you off the list.” Johnny shrugged. “But you just broke up, no? It’ll take a while. Maybe it’ll die down and you can talk to Wonwoo then to take you off.”

“It usually happens that way,” Lucas droned right after. “Guy and girl break up. Time in between, guy gets new girlfriend and old girlfriend is taken off the blacklist. Or you can demand him to take you off the list but I’m sure it won’t end well. SEVENTEEN are a bunch of dips.”

I think this was the second time I heard the term dip and I closed my eyes, trying to process the information when a hand was placed on my shoulder.

“Don’t worry,” Hendery said simply, smiling. “Don’t think about things that shouldn’t be a problem.”

“Take care of yourself,” Johnny concluded, the male going to wipe a few glasses. “You too, Hendery. You know what I mean.”

Hendery shrugged, grabbing me to finally drag me away. Lucas said something in Chinese and Hendery gave out a grunt, both of us outside of Johnny’s house. I was still bothered by the information, lost in my own mind when a hand went around my elbow to pull me to the side.

“We need to go get a taxi there,” Hendery said and I nodded absentmindedly. He gently pulled me to station me on the inside of the road. “You should let a girl walk on the inside of the road. My sisters taught me that but if I die, it’s your fault.”

Silence.

“And you better tell everyone I was a hero,” he concluded and I couldn’t help but smile through the stress that I was feeling. “You don’t have to worry, you know. Things like this happen. It’s not like you’ll date any time soon, right?”

“That’s true.”

“Worry about things when they come your way,” Hendery advised, slinging my bag over his shoulder. “Say, you want to get some Macdonalds?”

“Let me guess. I’m paying?” I asked, Hendery nodding happily. I followed his laughter, agreeing with him. Another cab ride and we were in front of a Macdonald’s branch.

Hendery hopped down and we entered the fast-food restaurant, a woman greeting Hendery from behind the counter.

“Hi, Hendery! New girlfriend?” the way she said it so casually made me wonder if Hendery often brought his girlfriend’s over. Hendery shook his head and grabbed my hand to lift it up in the air.

“This is a new friend. Say hi to Gucci!”

“Hi, Gucci,” she chimed and Hendery chewed on his bottom lip.

“She’s on the blacklist,” he stated and the female didn’t look surprised, looking at me with pity.

“Sorry to hear that, Gucci.”

“Uh… thanks?” I mumbled.

“Which one is it?” she asked, punching a few buttons on the cashier when another person came up with two big macs. Hendery rubbed his hands together greedily before answering her question for me.

“Wonwoo.”

“Yikes,” she mused. “Have fun, guys.”

“Thank you, Mandalee,” he sang and she gave him a small wave, Hendery taking a seat at the side after paying with the money from my wallet. I stationed myself in front of him when the burgers were sent to our table and Hendery sipped on the coke.

“Funny how I haven’t seen you much. You don’t go to parties, don’t you?” Hendery asked and I nodded at his question, looking down on the food. “You need to eat. Your body needs fuel.”

I gingerly picked the burger up, staring at it. I had lost my appetite… Or I didn’t have one in the first place.

“I don’t go to parties often. Johnny’s one would be my second,” I told him. “I don’t… I don’t like parties. They’re too loud.”

“You’d be surprised that most people who go to parties are people who are trying to run away from something,” Hendery told me. “They are there because their mind is loud.”

“Maybe. But silencing one’s thoughts will just lead to inner turmoil,” I told him, Hendery nodding slowly. “How about you? Do you go often?”

“I go if Lucas does.” Hendery took a bite, his voice muffled from the bread and meat. “So, you want to talk about it?”

“About what?”

“You and Wonwoo.” He motioned to me. “I kind of knew who you were when I saw you at the party. Johnny was right, we could spot you from a mile away. You and Wonwoo were known to have a long-term and running relationship. That puts you on top of the blackl