<3

i had to leave for an emergency meeting :(

its damage control for the drama ig…

ugh i wish i hadnt agreed in the first place

6:12 a.m

call me when you wake up

dont forget that i love u sm!!

8:37 a.m

Chaewon’s arm falls to the bed and her phone bounces to the empty space beside her. Reminding her. It’s the fourth time this happened within the month. That’s not a good thing, you’ll notice, considering that they come to her apartment twice a week and they’re only two weeks into the month. 

Minju likes to keep her side tidy. She puts the pillows square in their place and folds the blanket in half so it’s only covering Chaewon instead of leaving it as is. It’s like she didn’t even spend the night. She wasn’t here and the cold hand on her cheek and a light peck on her forehead she felt at dawn was just a fever dream. 

Isn’t that what their relationship is?

A dream. How could someone like Kim Minju be with a simpleton like Chaewon? It doesn’t make sense, does it? Sometimes it feels like she’s falling to her death with nothing to jerk her awake. 

There’s no warmth when she reaches out to Minju’s side of the bed. She thinks, staring at her phone and biting at her nails, she tries to find the right words for the right response. ‘ I’ll call you later’? ‘I told you this production seemed off’? What damage control? Why do you always do this? 

A sigh fills the room. It doesn’t feel right to confront Minju because it’s not her fault. She’s trying her best. This is what it’s like dating a celebrity and Chaewon should be grateful.

Chaewon should be understanding. It’s only the fourth time this month. She was only busy for the past few months because she had to do her job. It’s not her fault. Things will be fine soon enough. 

But it doesn’t feel right. She can’t pretend like nothing’s wrong. How can nothing be wrong when she sees her lover caught up in dating rumours with someone who’s sought after by the whole country? Why does it feel real when she knows it’s not?

“Damage control...”

The words are lost with no one to listen to them. She sighs again, rising to mess up her folded blanket and tosses it on the bed.  

How much longer will she understand? How much longer will things be this way?

Maybe she’ll allow herself to be cold one more time. Don’t reply, don’t call. That’s better than being confrontational, isn’t it? 

Minju will be too busy to check her phone, anyway. 

It’ll be alright. This’ll be the last time. Chaewon will call her in the night and things will be fine again. 

The light fades from her phone as it switches off. Chaewon takes a moment to stare at her reflection and leaves it with the mess of pillows and blankets on her side of the bed.

~~~~

CW

i had to leave for an emergency meeting :(

its damage control for the drama ig…

ugh i wish i hadnt agreed in the first place

6:12 a.m

call me when you wake up

dont forget that i love u sm!!

8:37 a.m

Seen 9:52 a.m

wyd?

2:00 p.m

(!) Not sent

“Who’s CW?”

That’s all it takes for Minju’s limbs to freeze in place as her heart sinks in dread. The woman behind her laughs and pats her on the shoulder twice, snapping her out of her daze. Jisun comes around to face her and raises a brow, a goading smile covers her lips. 

“No one.”

“Sure,”

“It’s none of your business.”

“Well, you’re the one with the scandal, aren’t you? Is it really Eunwoo? Couldn’t you keep it under the wraps for a while? His fans are gonna boycott us into oblivion now.”

“You know this is for the buzz, right? They’re going to denounce it once it stops airing.”

“Why would you want buzz for a drama you regret choosing?”

Minju glares. The woman laughs and a look she wasn’t too fond of drapes her countenance. 

“I’m just playing with you, you know. I want to see you lose your cool for once,” 

“That’s what Sooyoung’s character is for.” Her head starts to ache a little. Leaning away from Jisun, she checks her phone. The dread returns. Jisun leans in, eager to start up new banter.

“But that’s not you, is it? It’s a character. Or… Maybe you were using Sooyoung to vent your frustrations. Were you?”

She laughs in disbelief. “What?”

“Are you upset with CW? Trouble in paradise?”

“What? No.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

Really? 

Well, no. 

Chaewon’s doing that thing again. That thing when she doesn’t talk to her for days on end. Minju knows Chaewon is a busy person and that a civilian’s job is too much pressure for someone like herself to handle. She knows Chaewon has her good days and her bad ones. Like the sun changing with the varying seasons. Sometimes bright, sometimes covered by the clouds.

Today happens to be one of her cloudy days. Minju doesn’t want to demand explanations and reasons. As long as Chaewon comes back to her, it’ll be alright. 

Right?

She’ll call her in the night and things will be fine. It’s always like that. They’ll go back to being them. Romantic, affectionate, smitten, lovey-dovey, whatever. Like turning an hourglass once it runs out of time. 

“Really? You don’t look too sure about it.”

Another look at her phone. Minju picks at her lips, taking in the expectant look on Jisun’s face. 

“...I don’t know. I just, I wish I could know what’s wrong without having to ask. Like, if you really love me, shouldn’t you tell me what’s wrong instead of shutting me out?”

“So it is trouble in paradise.” 

“Ugh—”

“I’m joking! It’s just a joke, calm down... But… I mean, who would want to look weak in front of someone they love?”

“That’s so stupid. Then who else can you be vulnerable in front of? I know it’s not easy dating someone like me but I still try… I don’t run away. I don’t want to pretend like nothing’s wrong, but I don’t have a choice.”

“So he’s being hot and cold with you.”

“—It’s not Eunwoo.”

“Whoever it is. It seems like he’s playing tug-of-war with you. You know, pushing you away and pulling you back in.”

“Is our relationship just a game to get a kick out of?”

“It’s not like that. Maybe he’s just insecure.”

“What?”

“Have you seen yourself in the mirror?”

Minju sinks back into her seat, sighing. Jisun’s eyes widen as if to emphasize her statement, and she takes a moment to reflect. Did she not make Chaewon feel loved enough? Comfortable enough? Did she not do enough to win over her heart?

“What I’m saying is you quite literally work with the most handsome men in the country. It’s only natural that he feels that way. Everyone does.”

“Am I doing something wrong?”

“No, it’s not your fault. You’ve got to be more open with each other, talk about his feelings and accept them even if you get tired of it. You’ve got to believe in your love. That way, you’ll come through stronger than before. Do you get me?”

 “Yeah…”

Silence settles in the room and a million thoughts go through Minju’s mind. Jisun asks if CW is hot, breaking her moment of contemplation and she promptly ignores the woman. Then, she insists on seeing pictures of ‘him’ and she thanks the heavens when they finally announce they’re ready to start filming. Jisun says she’s going to coax a picture out of her somehow right before the slate claps, but Minju has more important things to worry about. 

~~~~

<3

wyd?

2:00 p.m

The problem with Chaewon is sometimes, she’s too soft. See, she wants to be bitter and headstrong and not ‘lose’ to herself this time, but she also wants to be good to Minju. It must’ve been hard for her today. She says scandals are trivial and they don’t affect her but Chaewon knows better. 

She needs love and support at this moment. Not the cold shoulder. What kind of person does this on the day she’s needed the most? Terrible, Kim Chaewon. It’s just terrible.

It’s been gnawing at her insides for two hours now. She got home from work at ten and ever since she caught sight of the pillows at the headboard, a relentless wave of guilt has been crashing in her chest.

Who knows how she must’ve felt the whole day? What schedules did she have? Did she have to meet him? What exactly did they say in her meeting?

Her fingers run across her forehead as she bites her lips, deliberating what to say. 

“Whatever. Whatever. It’s just a simple text.” 

With a breath, she types out one simple question.

can we talk?

12:07 a.m

How did your day go?

12:07 a.m

i think i made a friend today

u?

12:07 a.m

Oh, who is it?

Do I know them?

12:08 a.m

it’s jisun lol

12:08 a.m

Oh. Aren’t you guys frenemies already?

Well, you are best friends in the drama. It’s only natural :P

12:08 a.m

lmaooo

yeah she was pretty decent today

idk why but it felt like she actually likes me or something

12:09 a.m

That’s great

Who wouldn’t like you babe

You’re too nice for your own good

12:10 a.m

A minute passes. Chaewon notices she’s smiling too hard and tones it down. A weight settles on her shoulders when she scrolls up. A set of thoughts go off, wondering what Minju wanted to talk about. She forces a breath in.

How did the meeting go?

Wait

You don’t have filming today, right?

How’d you meet Jisun?

12:12 a.m

it was just some video for a youtube channel

12:13 a.m

Oh

12:13 a.m

can we like 

12:15 a.m 

Dis you hae a hard time to day?

12:15 a.m

She winces at the typos. Her fingers were too busy trying to get the message through before Minju finished her sentence. Right as she’s typing her *did *have *today text, her breath catches in .

can i just call you?

12:16 a.m

~~~~

“Hey,”

Chaewon sounds like she ran a marathon and a pause follows. Minju does some controlled breathing, grounding herself to calm the bursting of her heart. “How was your day?”

“Oh, nothing special. I went to work… Jisung was kind of being an … There was a meeting with the Japan clients… That’s it.”

“Did you eat?”

“I managed to have jjajangmyeon at the place near my office. Did you? Is Eunbi still making you skip meals?”

“No,” she chimes in, stifling a laugh, “And it’s not like Eunbi’s making me skip meals. That’s just how a diet works.”

“It’s not efficient then, is it,”

Now, she can’t help the laughter spilling out of her lips. It’s partly nervous and it’s partly to untangle the knot in her chest, but it doesn’t help that much. Her lungs feel like strings about to break under tension. She rubs her cheek, tapping it thrice to fill in the silence. 

“Seems like you had a busy day…”

“I’m sorry.” Minju manages as she pinches her skin. 

“What? Why?”

“I—I… I don’t know. Just feel like it.”

“...I’m sorry too.”

“What are you sorry for...?”

And her heartbeat thrums in her ears, thinking of the words to say. 

“Chae. Be honest.”

“Okay…?”

“Are you upset with me?”

Minju can hear her deep inhales and exhales through the phone. Chaewon takes about fifteen seconds to respond, she knows because she counts the seconds as they pass. 

“...You’re never there when I wake up in the morning.”

“Oh.”

Her heart shatters. The strings wither and curl as the sentence cuts through them seamlessly. The quieting intonation lingers for a moment. “I’m so sorry, it’s just—With the drama and that other variety show and—”

“I know, I know. It’s stupid. I’m just being stupid.”

“No! No, it’s not stupid. I haven’t been myself for the past few weeks…”

“No, it’s not that. I know I’m being silly. I should’ve called you in the morning. It’s not your fault.”

“Don’t say that… It kind of is.”

“I swear it’s—”

“Do you love me?”

“—Huh? Of course I do. Why are you asking that?”

“Then don’t close up. Please, just… Just tell me how you feel. Don’t push me away. I know it’s hard, but…”

~~~~

“...Can’t you be honest? With me, at least?”

Chaewon swallows down the lump in , feeling perspiration on her brow. She’s never been good at expressing herself, so Minju presents her with a herculean task.

“I… don’t know what to say.”

“Then just… Okay. Do you, like, ever feel insecure about us?”

“Oh, uh, I guess.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah…”

“Why don’t you tell me when you do?”

“I don’t know, it’s petty feelings. It’s nothing serious, doesn’t matter.”

“Hey, nothing matters to me more than you, okay?”

“Okay.” 

She hugs Minju’s pillow closer to her chest, feeling embarrassed. Kim Minju and her ways with words. “...I love you.”

“I love you too. And I get if you feel that way sometimes. Everyone feels like this at some point or the other.”

“I’m just… scared, you know. What if you find someone better than me? I’m no one. Oh, and everyone’s saying you look good with what’s-his-face, it’s just… hard to… grasp, or whatever.”

“I don’t want anyone but you, baby. If you’re ever upset or worried over things like this then just tell me. Don’t give me the cold shoulder and… just come to me. You just have to come to me.”

She laughs, feeling the tension in her chest fade. “You’re being awfully romantic.”

And just like that, she feels it dissipate hearing Minju do the same. “Are you sick of it?”

“No.”

Another silence fills in their pauses. It doesn’t feel as torturous as the ones before. “I’m sorry for being so busy.”

“Stop apologizing.”

“But I really am.”

“I know. Just… be there when I wake up in the morning, I guess?”

“Ugh—I forgot to tell you, they’ve put me under house arrest for the time being. People keep drawing random conclusions from when I go out and when he goes out and it’s a pain in the …”

“Really? Did they say that in the meeting?”

Chaewon puts the call on speakerphone, folding her blankets and putting their pillows in place. Minju tells her that Eunbi was the maddest she’s ever seen her before, that the production house had no rights to just jump this fabricated rumour on them out of the blue, that people have been pestering her about it the whole day and she wanted nothing more to stay at home and lie in bed the entire day.

At times, Minju questions the rustling on her end but Chaewon dismisses it. “I’m sorry, Min. I should’ve been there for you.”

“And now you’re apologizing.”

“I should. And I really love you, from the bottom of my feet to the top of my head.”

“That’s not a lot…”

“Hey.”

It’s kinda cold outside. Mist forms as she lets out a chuckle and she feels the chill on her ears. The walk to her apartment was keeping her warm enough, though.

“You’ve gone on an I love you tirade out of the blue.”

“I have. Because I do.”

Then, Minju recounts her meeting with Jisun that afternoon. They laugh over the woman thinking she was dating a man and Chaewon feels heat spread across her cheeks when Minju tells her how Jisun basically described her psyche to a T. 

She tells her to go look at the little monitor in her apartment by the door and waves once the surprise in her voice registers. “I knew you were up to something,”

“You literally just told me to come to you. C’mon, you meant like this too, right?”

“No, not when it’s like negative degrees outside!”

“How else am I going to wake up to you in the morning then?”

~~~~

While Minju likes to keep her side of the bed tidy, that doesn’t correlate with her sleeping habits in the least. Half of her weight rests on Chaewon with a haphazard leg and arm locking her in place. Nights at Minju’s are much better than at her place. The pillows are softer, the sheets, warmer. 

She can’t tell what time it is but the sun rays are somehow angled perfectly to illuminate Minju’s features. The light pierces through her chest and goes through her heart, revelling in this newfound exhilaration.

This is all she wants. Chaewon tucks a strand of hair behind Minju’s ear. The strangest sense of contentment pours into her veins. She seems to stir in her sleep and Chaewon turns them to the side. 

Gazing at her lover’s face, her eyelids flutter as she drifts in and out of consciousness. She leaves the lightest of kisses on her forehead and she holds her closer, trying to warm her cold skin. 

“You’re up early,” Minju mumbles. The feeling of her breath against Chaewon’s neck reminds her that this isn’t just a fever dream her mind concocted in the hazy hours of the morning. 

“Yeah?”

“You’re usually a sleepyhead.” Brown eyes stare into her own. She raises her shoulders in a shrug. “Do you have any schedules today?”

“I think I’ll have to go to the company later… Other than that… No.”

Chaewon hums. Her hand reaches out for Minju’s and she interlaces their fingers. 

“When do you think the rumours will die out?”

“People will forget it by the time the next scandal drops. Don’t think about it too much,”

“I won’t.” A squeeze of their hands, and Minju sighs. “Tell me whenever something’s bothering you. Even if you think it’s nothing serious.”

The grave look on her face forces a laugh out of Chaewon. “Okay, then what are you gonna do about it?”

“I’ll listen to you…”

“And?”

“And I’ll hug you, and then I’ll kiss you.”

Much to Chaewon’s amusement, Minju acts out her words. There’s a smug smile spreading across her lips when she pulls away as if she’s proved her point. “It’s that simple.”

“Is that it?”

“What more do you need?”

She doesn’t even notice the corners of rising until her cheeks start to ache a little. Minju’s expression mirrors her own. It feels like forever in those short seconds. 

“I don’t need anything else.” 

-

why have the last three chapters ended with them being in a bed? i don't know
this was written in a day. inspired by rv's pushin' n pullin'. the song is very nice. as soon as i saw the lyrics i knew i could get a plot out of this
if you liked it leave a comment. you can even talk to me on twitter. you can even leave a cc if you would like. thank you for reading and i hope the rest of the day is immaculate !!