February 10, 2020 (A day after the advanced ‘solo’ celebration)

 

 

“Happy birthday, abogago!” The sight of Yeri holding an open box of cake, with Wendy and Joy behind her, was what greeted Seulgi when she opened the door of her home.

 

She smiled because of the arrival of her friends who had such bright smiles on their faces and especially because of what was written on the cake, it was a simple ‘hbd :D’ and nothing else. It was simple, plain even, but it didn’t matter to Seulgi. She has always been so grateful and appreciative of anything and everything anyway.

 

“Thanks, Yerms! Aga niyo ah, sineseset up ko pa lang yung PS4. Pasok na kayo.” Seulgi stepped aside to let her friends in after taking the cake from Yeri’s hands.

 

“Yown. Alam na alam mo na talaga mga trip ko, Seulgi.” Yeri said through a smile as she made her way around the living room to settle down on the couch and start playing one of Seulgi’s games on the console.

 

Seulgi could only smile at the younger girl before setting the cake down on the kitchen island.

 

“Happy birthday, miss ma’am!” Joy was the next to greet her with a warm hug and platonic kiss to her hair, she took advantage of her height and cradled Seulgi as if she was her little sister. “Eto regalo namin ni Wanda sa’yo, sana magustuhan mo.” The taller woman smiled.

 

“Uy, thank you.” Seulgi said with a smile as she accepted the small bag from Joy’s hand. Of course, the bold branding of Pandora didn’t go unnoticed by her which widened her smile some more.

 

 “Gago guys, masyado naman atang pang-burgis ‘to.” She began to open the small black box which she took out from the bag.

 

Wendy laughed at the comment, “Sus, burgis ka naman talaga, Seul.”

 

The birthday girl chose to playfully roll her eyes at her bestfriend and not banter with her anymore.

 

Once Seulgi flipped the lid, her eyes shone the same way the fancy bracelet did.

 

It was a Pandora Me Link bracelet that had a small gavel at its end as its charm. Seulgi thought it was adorable how her friends included one tiny but remarkable detail in the gift that significantly represented her as a lawyer and just solely herself.

 

Upon seeing that Seulgi was at a loss for words, Joy nudged her girlfriend with a smirk, “I told you magugustuhan niya.”

 

“Halata naman, mahal-” Wendy was cut off when Seulgi suddenly lunged forward and hugged her and Joy, sandwiching them into some sort of bundle.

 

From behind them, Seulgi swore she heard Yeri say “Luh, ginagawa niyu” which made the three of them laugh.

 

“I love it so much, thank you, thank you, thank youuu guys,” Seulgi mumbled as she was being sandwiched by her friends who were now snickering at her affection. “The best team rocket kayo, gago.”

 

“Wala ‘yon pre, ikaw pa ba. Ikaw yung paboritong siraulo namin eh.” Wendy said.

 

“Hoy nag text si Minho,” Yeri announced from the living room while looking at her phone, her game on pause.

 

“Anong sabi?” Joy asked as the three of them broke free from the hug.

 

“Malapit na raw siya tapos may surprise si gago. Kasabay niya rin daw si Yeol.”

 

“Pustahan isang case ng happy horse yung surprise,” Wendy made a strong bet, making Seulgi chuckle.

 

“Edi ayos, long night ahead. Yerms, sabihin mo damihan yung surprise.” Seulgi smirked.

 

Yeri laughed at the comment before replying, “Gegege, ano Joy? Tara laro bago tayo magpaka wasak?”

 

Joy scoffed, “Ikaw lang magwawasak, ‘di na ako. Pero sige, G ako sa laro teka lang.” she then turned to her girlfriend before saying, “Mahal, laro lang ako.” Joy stooped down a little bit to plant a kiss on Wendy’s cheek.

 

“Bottom amputa,” Yeri mumbled as she watched the scene.

 

“Dinig ko ‘yon, pakyu.” Joy said as she settled down next to Yeri on the couch.

 

Seulgi and her Wendy were left snickering at the small banter between the two. They decided to watch Yeri and Joy’s game as they remained standing in the kitchen area. Once their soft laughs died down, Wendy knew there was only one thing left to do.

 

She cleared to catch Seulgi’s attention. Gladly, Seulgi turned to look at her.

 

“Musta kahapon?” Wendy started, her eyes not breaking away from the tv screen.

 

The corner of Seulgi’s lips tugged up to form a small smile, “Masaya.” She said after looking away from Wendy to watch Yeri and Joy’s game.

 

As she did so, Seulgi couldn’t help but look back at all the events that happened the day before with Joohyun which made her feel all sorts of emotions; When they prayed at the chapel, when they ate their all-time favorite highschool meal at the field, when they played darts, when they visited sir Trapejo, and her favorite moment with Joohyun, when they sat and watched the sunset on the school’s iconic watchtower.

 

For a whole day, Seulgi felt like she had nothing to worry about. Not even Byul. But that wasn’t until she dropped Joohyun off at her house and saw two other faces that never fail to make her heart feel heavy every single time. Especially when Kihyun waved and smiled at her so brightly.

 

Sometimes, Seulgi wonders when it will end. Sometimes, she just doesn’t wonder at all to temporarily ignore and eradicate the heaviness.

 

Because chasing Joohyun, despite all the hindering circumstances, was like a deadly habit that she just couldn’t refrain from doing. Especially when she’s still too hung up on Joohyun’s love that she doesn’t even know the feel of.

 

Of course, Seulgi thinks it’s absolutely ridiculous because there’s no point in continuing anymore. But even with that thought in mind, she still finds it too difficult to quit.

 

Wendy raised a brow before finally looking at Seulgi, unsatisfied with her bestfriend’s answer. “Yun lang?”

 

“Oo, why?”

 

“I want all the details.” Wendy simply said after shrugging.

 

Seulgi chuckled, “Alam mo, Wan… yung mga ganitong kwentuhan, kailangan ng bote ng happy horse para mas dama.”

 

Wendy laughed, “Sige mamaya, pag dating nina Minho. Baka naman umiyak ka?”

 

“I highly doubt it pero hindi naman imposible.” Seulgi smirked.

 

Wendy was taken aback, “Luh, si Kang Seul iiyak?”

 

“Sinong iiyak?” Yeri asked from the living room.

 

Suddenly, there came three heavy knocks on the door.

 

“Kang Seul!” A deep, manly voice resonated throughout Seulgi’s place, one that she can recognize anytime and anywhere.  

 

“Happy birthday, Kang Seul! Andito na yung surprise mo. Open up.” Another deep voice said, even deeper than the first one.

 

All four of them stared at the door, “Sina Minho na ata yan, ingay ampota.” Yeri said.

 

Seulgi was quick to move on her feet and anticipated the twin towers, as she would like to call Minho and Chanyeol because they were both mesmerizingly tall, to be the ones behind the door.

 

 When she finally opened the door, she was immediately lifted off the ground by Minho using only one arm because he was holding a bottle of wine in the other.

 

“Minho! Parang gago.” Seulgi shrieked when Minho began to spin them around, she was literally being dragged.

 

“Happy birthday, abogago! Bente-sais ka na, wooh!” Minho cheerfully shouted as he continued to spin around.

 

Behind them, Chanyeol was laughing his heart out at the act as he carried two cases of Red Horse into the room before closing the door using his heel. The three other women in the room couldn’t help but laugh out loud as well.

 

“Baba mo na si Seul, tol. Baka mahilo agad yan, ‘di pa nga tayo nakakainom.” He said after putting the green cases on the counter.

 

After doing so, Chanyeol scanned the room and flashed a smile upon seeing the same familiar faces from highschool. “Hi Wends, Ligaya, and Yerms.” He greeted charmingly.

 

“Sup, Yeol.” Yeri turned around from the television for a while just so she could greet Chanyeol. Joy just waved and returned his kind smile. 

 

“Hi, natraffic kayo?” Wendy asked as she prepared the glasses and ice bucket for their drinks.

 

“Dehins, mabilis lang yung biyahe.” Chanyeol answered but then, he and Wendy noticed that Minho was still dragging the birthday girl.

 

Wendy was concerned but she still managed to let out a faint laugh, “Tangina Minho, baka magsuka yan. Ibaba mo na.”

 

Minho finally listened to Wendy and put Seulgi down. Afterwards, he received a playful smack to the head from the latter which they just laughed at.

 

“Oh, ayan ha, dinoble na namin yung surprise mo gaya ng sabi mo.” Minho said as he pointed at the cases in the kitchen.

 

“Yon, happy horse nga! Sabi na eh,” Yeri happily rose from the sofa to fix herself a glass.

 

Joy stared at the cases of beer in shock with slightly parted lips, “Gago, ang dami neto. Wala ba kayong trabaho bukas?”

 

“Sinarado ko muna yung tat studio para bukas, di muna ako tatanggap ng clients. Alam kong makakarami ako ngayon eh.” Chanyeol answered.

 

“Ikaw, Minho?”

 

“Already took my leave, ma’am.” Minho replied with a playful salute to Joy.

 

Seulgi laughed, “Red horse nga talaga dinala niyo. Salamat! Kain na kayo diyan, andun yung pagkain sa lamesa.”

 

Minho smiled, “Wala ‘yon pre. Tsaka mamaya na siguro kami kakain, hintayin muna namin sina Jong.”

 

“Ay oo nga pala, sina Jong?” Wendy asked about the whereabouts of their other friends as she helped Yeri fix a glass for herself.

 

“Papunta na ‘yon, kasama si Baek at Soo.” Chanyeol replied as he took a seat next to Yeri with a plan to join her game while they wait for their other friends.

 

In the midst of all casual conversations, Seulgi suddenly felt her phone vibrate in the back pocket of her jeans.

 

 

1 new message

 

 

She unlocked her phone as soon as the notification popped up and when she did so, another smile immediately graced her lips.

 

 

Hyun (7:11 pm): Late na ba’ko? ☹

 

Seulgi (7:11 pm): Hindi pa, Hyun. Wala pa naman sina Baek. Paalis ka na ba?

 

Hyun (7:12 pm): Kakahatid ko lang kay Kihyun kina ma

 

Hyun (7:12 pm): Tsaka hinihintay ko pa si Byul eh nasa work pa, gusto niyang sabay kami pumunta

 

Seulgi (7:12 pm): Ahh sige, okay lang Hyun. Buong gabi naman kaming nandito hahaha

 

Hyun (7:12 pm): okii, see you mamaya Seul!

 

Seulgi (7:13 pm): See you rin, ingat kayo ni Byul!

 

 

“Seul! Ano game na?” Wendy called, making her look up from her phone. She saw that their drinks were already prepared, all that’s left to do is for her to tell Wendy everything.

 

“G. Balcony tayo?” Seulgi asked as she pocketed her phone.

 

With a nod from Wendy, they made their way to Seulgi’s balcony and laid down their glasses along with a few additional bottles on the small picnic table between two lounge chairs. It was the perfect place to chill and just have a hearty conversation with anyone you want to connect with. The view of numerous city lights that looked like balls of stars from a distance was a bonus to the overall feel of the homey spot.

 

“Ang sarap talagang tumambay dito sa terrace mo, no joke. Kaya masarap din uminom dito eh.” Wendy said as she took a seat beside Seulgi.

 

“Saktong chill spot lang, perfect din for destressing after a long day.” Seulgi grabbed her glass and raised it a bit between her and Wendy. “Cheers?”

 

Without hesitation, Wendy bumped their glasses together with a pursed smile, creating that satisfying ‘clink’ sound.

 

“Cheers, bakla. Happy birthday.” She greeted.

 

They had their first chugs of the night and Wendy couldn’t help but widen her eyes upon seeing that Seulgi almost finished her glass in one go.

 

But in spite of that, she still filled her friend’s glass anyway. “Starting off strong ah, dahan dahan ka. May ieentertain ka pang mga bisita mamaya.”

 

“Tsaka ayaw na rin kitang alagaan. Puta, alam na alam ko na kung pa’no ka malasing. Nakakastress, Kang Seul.” Wendy added with a ‘tsk’.

 

Seulgi laughed at her friend’s comment, “Sorry. Na-excite lang. Tsaka you don’t have to worry about that, ‘di naman ako magpapakawasak ngayong gabi.”

 

“Sabi mo yan ah,” Wendy narrowed her eyes. “Oh sige, game na. Kwento mo na sakin kung anong ginawa niyo ni Joo kahapon. I want all the deets.” She took another sip of her beer and so did Seulgi.

 

“Bumalik kami sa CHS,” Seulgi started. “Foundation week kasi kaya ayun, I thought it would be nice to take a trip down memory lane.”

 

“Napaka-sentimental naman talaga,” Wendy commented with a chuckle.

 

Seulgi shook her head with a small smile before taking another swig, “I gave her this film cam para makapag picture kami the old-fashioned way. Tsaka Sony Walkman together with a mixtape na ginawa ko para makapag soundtrip kami habang nag-iikot around the campus.”

 

“Teka nga,” Wendy cleared . “Sino ba talaga yung may birthday? Si Joo o ikaw?” Her questions sent Seulgi into a fit of small laughs. “Grabe sa mga pa-regalo mo ah, ang pricey pa siguro ng mga yon kasi old school na sila.”

 

“Trip ko lang, alam ko kasing she fancies those things. Tsaka nasira yung Walkman niya nung 4th year tayo, alala mo pa yon?”

 

“Naaalala mo pa ‘yon?” Wendy returned the question in disbelief, she couldn’t believe how Seulgi can still remember all those things that happened exactly a decade ago. But it was Joohyun they were talking about. Since when did Seulgi ever forget anything and everything about Joohyun including the tiniest of details?

 

Seulgi took another swig, “Oo.”

 

“Wow ha, pag kay Joo talaga lahat naaalala mo pero kapag yung readings mo nung college, kinailangan mo pang mag memo plus gold.”

 

Seulgi threw a crumpled tissue at Wendy as a joke, making the latter laugh because she knew she hit the spot that revealed the truth.

 

“Tangina mo,” Seulgi said as she broke into laughter.

 

“First of all, ang lutong non. Second, totoo naman.” Wendy stuck her tongue out at her friend. “Tuloy mo na, ano pang ginawa niyo pagkatapos?”

 

“Bumisita muna kami sa chapel, nagpasalamat kami pareho tapos diretso sa field kasi dun na nila minove yung celebration, ‘di na sa parking.”

 

“Ah weh? Pero nandun pa rin yung rides tsaka booths?”

 

“Oo, though wala na yung chubibo kasi pinaltan na nila nung parang Anchors Away sa enchanted pero nandun pa naman yung Caterpillar. ‘Di nila tinanggal.”

 

Wendy smirked, “Ahh, sumakay kayo?”

 

“’Di na, ‘di na namin trip.” Seulgi shook her head before sipping her drink once more.

 

“Hmm. Eto, eto,” Wendy paused. “Nag darts kayo?”

 

Seulgi could only smile at the question as memories from the nostalgic afternoon of yesterday flashed before her eyes.

 

Wendy snickered, “Ayan, kilig naman si gago. ‘Di ko alam kung namumula ka dahil sa kilig o sa alak eh.” She took a swig of her own drink. “Naalala ko tuloy yung panahong nag darts tayo kasama si Minho.”

 

“Yeah…” Seulgi got all sentimental because of the memory. “Good old, hayskul days.”

 

“Golden years talaga ‘yon. Ano pang ginawa niyo after?”

 

“Pinuntahan namin si Sir Trapejo.”

 

“Luh, nandun pa rin ‘yon?” Wendy’s eyes widened.

 

“Unfortunately, oo. Pero sinabi niya na rin naman dati na ‘di na siya aalis don eh. Grabe yung dedication sa pagtuturo.” Seulgi explained.

 

“Nawa’y lahat consistent at dedicated. May asawa na?”

 

“Syempre…” She trailed off, trying hard not to laugh before answering.

 

“Wala,” The pair answered at the same time, which caused them to laugh out loud after.

 

“Gago, ang sama.” Wendy said in between her snickers.

 

“Ikaw nagsimula,” Seulgi stil hasn’t come down from her laughter. “Ay pero alam mo ba, akala niya kasal kami ni Hyun.”

 

“Tangina, ‘di nga?!” Wendy’s eyes widened even more.

 

Seulgi blushed through her smile, “Legit. Nakita niya ata yung singsing niya.”

 

“Hala, edi ang awkward? Anong sabi ni Joo?”

 

“Ako na sumagot, nagulat ata siya nang sobra. Sabi ko hindi kami kasal.” Seulgi clenched her jaw as she gently spun the bottom of her glass in the air.

 

Wendy couldn’t say a word, she could only imagine how tense and awkward the situation was for both of her good friends. More than that, she still felt sad for the both of them, for the words they never had the courage to say out loud, and the chance that they never had the opportunity to grab.

 

Wendy knew why, and up to this day, she can still remember how all these missed chances greatly affected Seulgi.

 

“And nung tinanong ni sir si Hyun, sumagot naman siya.” Seulgi paused to look far into the pitch-black sky that’s dusted with the glow of city lights. “Sabi niya, kasal siya sa college friend ko, sa party daw sila nagkakilala.”

 

“After that, gumaan naman yung situation. Parang sinabi na lang ni sir na proud siya sa’ming dalawa kasi ang layo na raw ng narating namin. Pero naputol din agad yung usapan kasi may ibang teacher na biglang tumawag sa kanya.”

 

“Anong nangyari pagtapos? Awkward ba?” Wendy finally broke her silence.

 

Seulgi sighed before pursing her lips to a sad smile, “Hindi naman…” she spun her glass some more. “Dinala niya kasi ako sa watchtower pagkatapos, tamang kwentuhan lang tungkol sa highschool days tsaka sa mga manliligaw niya back then.” She chuckled.

 

“Ay ayan, naaalala ko ‘yang watchtower na yan.” Wendy said. “Diyan ka madalas nagcucutting non eh, tapos diyan din sila nagligawan ni Junmyeon. Ba’t ba hindi niya sinagot ‘yon? Mukhang mabait naman.” She finished her first glass and poured herself another.

 

“Asked her the same question, sabi niya hanggang friends lang daw talaga ang kaya. Tsaka wala talaga siyang type sa kanila, kahit isa.” Seulgi cleared . “Pero, she did mention na may nagustuhan siya.”

 

“Sino daw?”

 

Seulgi shrugged, “’Di na niya sinabi eh, basta babae raw.”

 

With that, Wendy’s head shot up.

 

“Babae?” She asked again, as if in disbelief.

 

“Oo, kahit ako nagulat din eh.” Seulgi chuckled. “Hanggang ngayon, ‘di ko pa rin maiwasang isipin kung sino pero wag na lang, ‘di ko rin naman malalaman.”

 

Wendy’s lips parted as her expression softened. Is she for real? She thought. Because from what Wendy has observed in highschool, there is absolutely no denying that the woman Joohyun’s pertaining to is none other than the person who’s sitting right beside her right now.

 

 

Tangina naman, Seulgi.

 

 

Mentally, Wendy was already facepalming in ambivalence. At that moment, she didn’t know which of her emotions was the dominant one upon hearing the revelation from Seulgi; was it anger? Pity? Disappointment? Sorrow?

 

She tells herself it doesn’t really matter. All that she’s certain of in that moment is that fear is a humongous and terrifying monster that will not hesitate to languidly but heavily crawl up one’s spine without them knowing.

 

And Seulgi?

Well, Seulgi happens to be its favorite prey.

Because it devoured her whole.

Unfortunately.

 

“After that, we stayed just a bit longer in the watchtower tapos konting kwentuhan pa. Pagkababa namin, umisang round pa kami nung shawarma rice tapos hinatid ko na siya pauwi.” Seulgi continued. “It was a simple day pero… it was enough to make me happy.” Ironically, she showed a sad smile after saying those words.

 

Wendy mirrored the same sad smile on her friend’s face, “Masaya ba talaga?”

 

Instead of a verbal response, Seulgi chose to drink half of the beer in her glass, thinking that it will do the job of telling the truth for her.

 

 

Syempre, hindi.

 

 

Seeing this, Wendy let out a soft sigh before placing her hand on Seulgi’s arm that was resting on the table. “Seulgi,” She intently looked at the latter in the eyes.

 

“May asawa na siya,” Wendy started, earning a look from Seulgi that was marked by something vehement and tenebrific. “May anak na rin, hindi na natin mababago ‘yon.”

 

Seulgi could only look down. It wasn’t her first time to hear the truth but she can’t deny the fact that it doesn’t fail to sting her whole being every single time.

 

“Pero hinahabol mo pa rin siya. Ano bang gusto mong mangyari?”

 

Wendy looked at her friend expectantly, hoping that she will not be left hanging because her question is one that needs an acceptable answer. She observed how Seulgi slowly ducked her head and once again spun the half-empty glass in her hand. It’s a habit that she would unconsciously do whenever she would ponder or contemplate about something during their inuman sessions.

 

“Wala,” Seulgi said in what Wendy thinks is the most vulnerable voice she has ever heard.

 

She frowned, “Anong wala?”

 

“Wala akong gustong mangyari. Sabi mo nga may asawa’t anak na, syempre hindi ko na sisirain ‘yon. Hindi ako ganung tao.” Seulgi explained.

 

“Eh bakit ka pa naghahabol kung ganon? Bakit patuloy mo pa rin ginugusto? Seul, alam kong matalino ka pero sana marealize mo na sobrang tagal mo nang sinasaktan yang sarili mo.”

 

 

Nawalan ata ako ng preno. Wendy thought as regret instantly clouded her mind.

 

 

Wendy immediately unclenched her jaw and uncreased her eyebrows upon saying those words. She knew very well the effect that they will have on Seulgi and she could only wish that she had more self-control just a few seconds ago because what kind of would hurt and make a person cry on their own birthday?

 

She looked down in humiliation and regret as she felt the heat creep on her cheeks and travel to her ears, “S-Sorry.”

 

Seulgi could only chuckle weakly, “Okay lang ‘yon, Wan. Ano ka ba. Tsaka tama ka naman.” She sighed before proceeding, “Masaya na siya kay Byul and I feel the same way for her, for the both of them. Siguro ngayon, sinusulit ko na lang yung mga araw. Wala na’kong gustong mangyari pang iba kasi ang gusto ko na lang is… makasama siya hangga’t pwede pa, hangga’t hindi pa imposible.”

 

“Parang hindi naman magiging imposible eh. Paano yung yearly advanced celebration niyo ng birthday mo?” Wendy asked.

 

“Hindi natin alam kung hanggang kailan ‘yun, Wan.” Seulgi drank up, finally finishing her glass. “Naniniwala ako sa kasabihan na all things come to an end, even the good ones.”

 

“Tangina, naging speaker na ng life seminar.” Wendy snorted as she filled the other woman’s glass for another round of booze.

 

“Ewan ko sa’yo. Salamat.” She took a sip, “Kaya hinahanda ko na yung sarili ko, nagsusulit na. Parang contingency plan lang.”

 

“Hmm, sana may contingency plan ka rin nung sinubukan mong umamin sa kanya.”

 

Seulgi rolled her eyes which made Wendy laugh, “Alam mo ‘yang bibig mo, napakapasmado.”

 

“Sinasabi ko lang,” The latter giggled. “Pero eto… para naman hindi sobrang lungkot ng topic natin.” Wendy cleared before sitting up straight. Seulgi noticed how her eyes lit up all of a sudden, as if a bright idea had suddenly struck her friend.

 

“I want to pull a Jason Ty on you.” Wendy said with a smirk.

 

“Anong Jason Ty?”

 

“Yung bakla sa I’m Drunk, I Love You. ‘Di ba favorite mo ‘yon?”

 

Seulgi raised her eyebrows in realization, but whatever it is that Wendy is trying to imply, it still seemed a bit vague to her.

 

“Ah okay, akala ko kung ano…” She paused in an attempt to fully comprehend her friend’s idea.

 

 

“Anong gagawin mo? Aayain ako sa seryosong ?”

 

 

Wendy almost choked on her beer. She was thankful for being able to stop herself from spitting her drink all over Seulgi’s face.

 

“Tanga, h-hindi.” She couldn’t help but stutter as she felt the same creeping heat on her cheeks.

 

Seulgi began to giggle at the sudden change in her friend’s behavior, “Ba’t namumula ka?”

 

“Wala, tangina kasi kung anu-anong pinagsasabi mo.” Wendy frowned to conceal her chagrin.

 

“Eto na, seryoso na ‘to…”

 

“Hm? Ano bang gagawin?”

 

Wendy cleared to recompose herself, “Ilang taon na kayong mag bestfriends ni Joo?”

 

“Fourteen.” Seulgi answered in a beat.

 

“Ayan, fourteen years. So, ganito… sa bawat isang taon, mag eenumerate ka ng ginawa niyo ni Joo together o kahit anong remarkable memory niyong dalawa.”

 

“Akala ko ba masaya dapat ‘to?”

 

“Oh, masaya nga. Grabe siya, sigurado naman akong hindi lahat ng memories niyo ni Joo malungkot. Ganadong ganado ka kayang magkwento sakin dati tuwing kinikilig ka dahil sa kanya.”

 

Seulgi could only cover her face because of the cringey memory, “Wan, tangina. Ang cringe.”

 

 “Ayan, sige. Landi pa.” Wendy laughed at her reaction.

 

“Hoy,” Seulgi shot the other woman a serious look, “Todo landi man ako no’n, mas malandi pa rin sa’kin si Minho.”

 

“Hindi ka nagkakamali diyan, buddy. New month, new m.u. ang peg niya no’n. Pero, ano… game ka na ba?”

 

Seulgi nodded, “Game na ako, Krisy.”

 

“Kris ampota. Sige, simula tayo sa taong nagkakilala kayo, syempre. 2006, go.”

 

For a moment, Seulgi sported a soft smile as her mind began to whir in reminiscent of her very first memory with her bestfriend.

 

“First day ng first year. Nagkakilala kami dun sa stone bench malapit sa clinic. Kakalabas ko lang ng cr no’n tapos may bigla akong napansin sa kanya habang mag-isa siyang nakaupo… kaya inapproach ko siya.”

 

“May napansin ka?” Wendy began to wonder. “Ano?”

 

 

//

 

 

June 8, 2006. First day of freshman year of highschool.

 

12-year-old Kang Seulgi closed her eyes and exhaled in relief as soon as the bell rang, indicating that it was finally time for their 25-minute recess.

 

English class was finally over.

 

“Okay, it was nice meeting you por the pers time, ebriwan. I’ll see you again on Friday for the continuation of our subject orienteyshen. You may go.” Mrs. Songco, the subject teacher, dismissed the class.

 

Seulgi found Mrs. Songco’s English speaking accent quite odd. She noticed the exaggeration in the pronunciation of her R’s and O’s which made her teacher sound like some sort of foreigner who knows too many dialects that she can’t properly speak in English anymore.

 

As she took out her coin purse from her backpack, she felt two gentle taps on her right shoulder.

 

“Mag ca-canteen kami nina Baekhyun, sama ka?” Chanyeol asked.

 

Seulgi wasn’t new to the institution. She no longer transferred to a new highschool after finishing sixth grade because her brother was attending the same school as she is. And other than that, her parents thought it would be convenient to not split them apart so they can easily keep track of their respective academic progresses.

 

This is why she already has a few good friends, making it easier for her to survive her first day of highschool because searching for the perfect circle of friends, that you can easily blend with, is a pain in the , she believes.

 

Gladly, her buddies Chanyeol, Baekhyun, and Jongin are there to keep her from experiencing that first day struggle.

 

“Una na kayo, sunod na lang ako.” Seulgi answered with a smile.

 

“Sige, dun kami pu-pwesto sa lumang area sa ilalim ng puno. Hanapin mo na lang kami do’n.”

 

With a nod, Chanyeol walked out of the classroom with Jongin to fetch Baekhyun from the classroom next to their own because he got assigned to a different class before proceeding to the cafeteria.

 

Seulgi had to use the toilet first before anything else. Once she had all her necessities, which includes her beloved portable CD player and earphones, she walked to the nearest ladies’ room that was adjacent to the clinic.

 

She checked her appearance in the mirror after she was done with her business, making sure that she was still presentable enough for her following subjects. It was her first day after all, it’s the least she could do.

 

When Seulgi stepped out of the ladies’ room to catch up with Chanyeol and the others in the cafeteria, she noticed a seemingly tiny girl sitting on the stone bench right in front of the clinic.

She assumed the girl had just arrived and settled on that spot since the stone bench was vacant before she entered the toilet.

 

The girl was all alone,

 

But Seulgi wanted to change that.

 

As she took a step closer, Seulgi noticed something in the girl’s hands that completely piqued her interest.

 

“Astig…” She muttered to herself when she saw the classic Sony Walkman that the girl was holding. But when she saw the girl turn around, Seulgi realized that she must have spoken louder than she intended.

 

The girl didn’t say anything. She just raised her eyebrows in wonder to let Seulgi know that she didn’t clearly hear what she said.

 

Seulgi knew she had a choice to just smile and shake her head to disregard the situation before walking away from the girl. But again, she was alone… and Seulgi wanted to change that.

 

Smiling brightly, she walked closer to the girl’s space. “Hi, new student ka ba?”

 

The girl responded with a mere nod.

 

“Ah… anong section mo?”

 

“St. Augustin.” The girl finally spoke, giving Seulgi a bit of relief because if she didn’t give a verbal answer, Seulgi would think she’s rather rude or mute.

 

Seulgi’s eyes widened in amusement, “Uy wow, star section. Edi matalino ka pala.”

 

“Siguro.” The girl answered in such a dull expression.

 

However, the lack of enthusiasm didn’t stop Seulgi from trying to get to know her. “’Di ka sure?” She asked.

 

The verbal responses halted too soon as the girl just shrugged her shoulders to answer Seulgi.

 

“Hmm, ba’t mag-isa ka lang?” She tried again.

 

“Wala pa’kong masyadong ka-close sa section ko eh.”

 

“Kung gano’n… okay lang bang samahan kita?”

 

Finally, amidst all the short and dull responses, the other girl finally smiled before nodding. Though it was small, it was enough for Seulgi’s relief.

 

She sat down on the empty space right beside the girl before showing her the same smile.

 

“May tanong ako sa’yo,” Seulgi said after settling down.

 

“Ano ‘yon?”

 

“Hindi naman sa ano ah, pero bakit naka Walkman ka pa rin? Uso na portable CD players ngayon.”

 

The girl thought for a while before voicing out her answer, “Mm… siguro kasi mas sanay ako dito tsaka mas nagagandahan ako sa Walkman kesa CD players.”

 

“Pero ‘di ba mas mahirap gamitin yan? Kailangan mo pang ikutin pabalik pag tapos na yung mix.”

 

“Yun lang naman ata yung pinagkaiba nilang dalawa… tsaka ‘di naman mahirap gawin ‘yon kaya mas gusto ko pa rin ‘to. May sentimental value na rin kasi siya sa’kin.” The girl explained.

 

“Ahh… okay.” Seulgi nodded slowly. “Anong pinapakinggan mo?”

 

Again, there was no verbal response. Instead, the other girl offered her other earbud to Seulgi so she can find out the answer herself.

 

The latter didn’t hesitate to accept the girl’s offer. When she wore it, a familiar verse began to play.

 

 

Kabilugan ng buwan

At ang hangin ay may kalamigan

Aakapin kita mahal ko

Sa buong magdamag

 

 

“Apo Hiking Society ‘to ah…” Seulgi said as they listened to Kabilugan Ng Buwan together. “Kabilugan Ng Buwan, ‘di ba? Bakit ganito yung mga kanta mo, pang matanda?” She asked.

 

The girl shot her a look with narrow eyes, “Grabe ka naman. Naeenjoy ko kaya sila. Edi matanda ka rin kasi kilala mo sila?”

 

“Uy hindi kita inaasar ah,” Seulgi was quick to defend herself and clarify the situation with a nervous laugh. “Baka kasi yun yung iniisip mo… sinasabi ko lang kasi ganyan din mga kanta ng lolo ko eh.”

 

The other girl giggled, “Favorite kasi sila ng daddy ko kaya sabi niya sa’kin pakinggan ko rin sila. Ikaw ba, ano bang pinapakinggan mo?”

 

Seulgi smiled excitedly, “Eto,” she took out her portable cd player and offered one earbud to the girl.

 

As soon as the girl paused her own song and wore one of Seulgi’s earbuds, she immediately pressed play on the console.

 

 

Drivin’ on a Sunday

Tucked in the mellow pace of life

I think about you as the sun blinks between the trees

That waltz in the gentle breeze

 

 

“Anong banda ‘to?” The girl asked. “Ang ganda…”

 

Seulgi smiled at her comment, “Rivermaya. Buti na lang nagustuhan mo, hehe.”

 

“Rivermaya?”

 

“Oo, banda ni Rico Blanco. Ni Bamboo rin kaso umalis na siya.”

 

The girl bit her lip before looking down, “’Di ko sila kilala.”

 

“Hala, seryoso ka ba?” Seulgi’s eyes widened.

 

The girl could only nod.

 

“May CD player ka ba sa bahay?”

 

“Meron… bakit?”

 

Then, Seulgi stopped the song before ejecting the CD from the player. “Gusto kong pakinggan mo ‘to,” she gave it to the girl. “Halos lahat ‘yan kanta ng Rivermaya, pinirata ko lang tapos binurn ko hehe. Wag mong gagasgasan ah…”

 

The girl took the CD from Seulgi’s hands, careful not to leave fingerprints on the bottom part.

 

‘Rivermaya!! :D’ was written on the CD’s white surface in bold, black ink.

 

The girl thought it was funny how the drawn smiley face on the CD reflected that of the owner’s.

 

 

Wide, bright, bubbly, and cute. She thought.

 

 

“Thank you, uh… anong pangalan mo?”

 

Seulgi flashed the smile that the girl was just describing before stretching out her hand for a handshake, “Seulgi. Ikaw?”

 

Gladly, the girl accepted and they shook hands.

 

“Joohyun.” She smiled.

 

“Okay, Joohyun… nice name.” Seulgi complimented. “Ibig sabihin ba neto friends na tayo?”

 

Joohyun laughed, “Pinahiram mo na’t lahat yung CD mo sa’kin nang ‘di mo pa nalalaman pangalan ko… oo naman, friends na tayo.”

 

Seulgi scratched the back of her neck with a shy smile, “Ah, hehe… nagulat lang ako kasi ‘di mo kilala ang Rivermaya.”

 

“Pag-uwi ko mamaya, promise, papakinggan ko lahat ng kanta nila.” Joohyun smiled. “Ano nga palang section mo? Para alam ko kung saang classroom ako pupunta kapag ibabalik ko na ‘to.”

 

“Diyan lang ako sa St. Anthony, yung malapit sa staircase.”

 

Joohyun nodded, “Sige, sige…”

 

“Nag recess ka na ba?” Seulgi asked which made Joohyun look at her. “Pupunta kasi ako ng canteen. Sabay ka na?”

 

She wasn’t going to deny it, Joohyun felt shy the first time Seulgi said ‘hi’ to her just a few minutes ago. But the latter’s friendly façade and personality changed the feeling of hesitation within her into something benevolent and innocent. Joohyun’s just thankful that she didn’t find it hard to get along with Seulgi.

 

With a smile, she nodded once, “Sige, sabay na’ko sa’yo.”

 

As they walked down the teal hallway, neither of them knew that at that moment, a subtle but strong bond was formed between the two of them. And that in a few good years, it will flourish into an indestructible friendship.

 

 

However, neither of them saw what fate had in store for them either.

 

 

//

 

 

“Sabihin mo, salamat Rivermaya! Nakilala ko yung bestfriend slash magiging crush ko for the next 14 years dahil sa inyo!” Wendy shouted as she laughed out loud at her own joke.

 

“Ingay mo, gago.” Seulgi frowned after gulping her drink.

 

“Ang cute niyo lang, Seul.” Wendy giggled. “Tsaka friendly ka pala no’n, noh? Pero kay Joo lang ata.”

 

“Friendly ako sa lahat, inamo.”

 

“Hmm, oo sobrang friendly nga. Kaya pala may bagong mix si Joo ng mga pinirata mong kanta every week simula no’n.”

 

Seulgi let out a small laugh, “’Di ko lang matanggap no’n na hindi niya kilala ang Rivermaya. Tignan mo ngayon, sila pa rin paborito niya kahit umalis na si Rico.”

 

“Ah, ikaw naman pala yung founder ng music recs without context sa fb.”

 

The two laughed together. “Oo, ako totoong admin no’n since 2006.”

 

Wendy smirked, “Kung gano’n… song recs nga po sa mag bestfriend na duwag, yung hindi na nagkaaminan kasi kinain ng takot.”

 

“Alam mo ikaw, tangina mo kanina ka pa. Baka ibato ko na ‘tong bote ko sa’yo mamaya.” Seulgi warned but they both knew she was only kidding.

 

“Joke lang talaga, Seul. Sige na, titigil na’ko.” Wendy said as she held back her laughter. “Pero eto, genuine question. Anong song rec mo para sa sarili mo tsaka sa sitwasyon niyo ni Joo?”

 

Seulgi scoffed, “Burnout ng 3D, ano pa nga ba. Sinaktan lang ako lalo nung ginawan nina Ebe ng acoustic version.”

 

“Wow, Carson ikaw ba ‘yan?”

 

“Oo tapos ikaw si Jason Ty kasi baklang bakla ka. Simp kay Joy ampota. Well, simp naman talaga ang mga pisces.”

 

“Hoy,” Wendy raised a finger. “Una sa lahat, totoo naman yan kaya bakit ako magagalit.” She said, making Seulgi laugh since she thought Wendy was going to argue.

 

“Pangalawa, kung ako ang magbibigay ng song rec para sa inyo ni Joo, okay na ata yung Lucky ni Jason Mraz.”

 

“Gago?” Seulgi began to protest. “Sa sitwasyong ‘to, Lucky kami? Wends, eto lang ang masasabi ko, ‘di lahat ng in love sa bestfriend nila lucky.”

 

Wendy sighed, “Alam mo, hindi na lang ako mag cocomment. Balik tayo sa Game Ka Na Ba. 2007, anong nangyari?”

 

“Second year? Wala naman masyadong ganap pero bestfriend ko na siya no’n tapos nagkakilala rin tayong tatlo, dun na nabuo yung ‘squad’ natin nina Yeol.” Seulgi paused, “Tsaka sa totoo lang, hindi pa nabubulabog mundo ko no’n kasi hindi ko pa siya gusto.”

 

“Hm? Edi kailan lang nabulabog?”

 

“Hindi pa naman totally nabulabog no’n,..” Seulgi bit her lip. “Pero third year.”

 

“Ayun naman pala. Sige. 2008, go, ilabas mo lahat.”

 

Seulgi smiled upon hearing the year that holds so many golden memories, “Diyan na papasok yung mahabang pila ng mga manliligaw niya. Pati yung paborito ko…”

 

“Which is?”

 

She looked at Wendy, “Watchtower days.”

 

 

//

 

 

School year 2008-2009. 3rd year high school.

 

“Sir! Si Kang Seul nag y-youtube!” Sehun shouted with a raise of his hand from his spot in the computer lab.

 

Seulgi felt her stomach drop and in return, she jabbed Sehun’s rib so he would put down his hand.

 

“Tangina, wag kang mag sumbong!” She whispered loudly as she quickly switched the tab from Youtube, that was playing a lyric video of 14 by Silent Sanctuary, to the code of their project.

 

“Ikaw naman kasi eh. Sige na, paabot na netong letter ko kay Joo-”

 

“Kang Seul!” Sir Trapejo shouted from the front desk, drawing the attention of the entire class. “Isasara mo ‘yan o papalabasin kita?”

 

Seulgi cleared , “Isasara po, Sir.” She looked down in embarrassment.

 

“Gumawa ka ng code, ‘wag kang mag soundtrip. Computer lab ‘to, hindi com shop.” The teacher said grumpily.

 

“Yes po, Sir. Sorry po.” Seulgi apologized before sneakily pinching the sensitive skin of Sehun’s thigh as a form of revenge.

 

“Aray!” Sehun exclaimed in pain, eliciting hidden laughs from the class.

 

Sir Trapejo looked up from his monitor with a damned expression, “Mr. Oh, ano na namang nangyari sa’yo?”

 

Quickly, Seulgi typed a warning on her own monitor for Sehun to see.

 

 

> Isa pang sumbong mo, hindi ko iaabot yang letseng napaka corny na love letter mo kay Joo.

 

 

“Ah, w-wala po ‘to, sir.” Sehun gulped. “Natusok lang p-po ako ng ballpen ko.”

 

Sir Trapejo could only nod at the lame excuse, “Sige, if you say so. Mag dahan dahan sa susunod.”

 

“Opo, sir.” Sehun said in embarrassment while Seulgi smiled at her successful payback.

 

“Mag code na tayo, pre. Sorry kanina.” He scratched the back of his neck.

 

“Teka lang, ‘di ko na alam kung anong sunod na ilalagay dito.” Seulgi confessed as she stared the monitor.

 

“Ha? Eh, pa’no ‘yan? Ipapasa ‘to ngayon ‘di ba?”

 

“Chill ka lang, may plano ako.” Seulgi said before looking over at Sir Trapejo’s station. “Sir Trapejo! May I go to the toilet po?”

 

“Yes, you may.” He said flatly without looking away from his screen.

 

As Seulgi stood up, she heard Sehun’s soft panic. “Uy sa’n ka pupunta? Last subject na natin ‘to baka ‘di natin matapos yung project.”

 

“Kalma ka lang. Kukuha ako ng kodigs, ‘wag kang maingay.”

 

Seulgi walked out of the computer lab and quickly made her way to the classroom that’s right next to the AVR, greeting a few students who were already dismissed on the way.

 

With three knocks on the classroom’s door, it immediately opened. She was welcomed by the view of an entire class looking at her.

 

“Magandang hapon po, Ginang Sanchez.” She greeted their ‘terror’ Filipino teacher with a confident smile. “Maaari ko po bang mahiram si Joohyun Bae saglit?”

 

Ginang Sanchez raised her eyebrows with an attitude, “At bakit?”

 

There’s no denying that Ginang Sanchez is a terrifying teacher, even the students from the lower levels express their fear by saying that they don’t want to be part of her class. But being Kang Seulgi, she feared nothing.

 

“Pinapatawag po siya ni Ginoong Trapejo sa com lab, dalhin niya raw po ang kanyang kwaderno sa subject na Kompyuter.” She lied, trying her best to speak in pure Filipino because Ginang Sanchez doesn’t entertain questions in English.

 

Inside the classroom of St. Peregrine and near the windows, Joohyun was giving her bestfriend a puzzled look from the second row. Seulgi saw the word ‘Seryoso?’ and all she did was nod.

 

“Sige. Binibining Bae, maaari ka nang lumabas,”   

 

Satisfied, Seulgi smiled to herself and patiently waited for Joohyun to meet her outside the room.

 

“Need mo ng code sa project mo?” Joohyun asked after closing the door.

 

“Hehe, basang basa mo na talaga ako, Hyun.”

 

Joohyun rolled her eyes but not without smiling, “Nandito na lahat ng kailangan mo. ‘Wag kang magpapahuli kay Sir, baka ma-POD tayo.”

 

“Yes, ma’am.” Seulgi playfully saluted to her bestfriend as she received the notebook. “Thanks, Hyun. Siomai Haus tayo mamaya?”

 

“Libre mo’ko?”

 

“Oo, tayong dalawa lang. Pass muna sina Yeol, mag b-baseball daw sa field. Tapos may itututor ata si Wends galing sa enhancement kaya… ayon. Pwede ka? Hatid kita sa sakayan pagtapos.”

 

There was no response. Seulgi only watched Joohyun duck her head and try to cover that pretty smile on her lips.

 

And she wasn’t so sure if her vision was playing with her, because Seulgi swore that she saw the faintest shade of crimson pink on Joohyun’s porcelain-like cheeks when she tried to conceal her smile.

 

“Oh, bakit?” Seulgi chuckled in wonder.

 

“Wala, wala…” Joohyun shook her head, her smile not faltering. “Bumalik ka na sa klase mo, mag c-cr na lang ako para ‘di tayo mahalata ni Ginang.”

 

“Sige, daanan kita dito pag tapos na kami. Laters, Hyun. Thanks ulit hehe.”

 

“Kodigs well.” Joohyun smiled at the sight of her bestfriend waving goodbye before they parted ways.

 

;

 

“Ay, may ibibigay nga pala ako sa’yo.” Seulgi fished for something in her pocket as she ate her siomai rice.

 

“Ano ‘yan?” Joohyun asked from across the small table.

 

They were now having a small feast at Siomai Haus, Seulgi’s favorite go-to-kainan after classes. Her computer project went well with Sehun, thanks to Joohyun’s complete notes in the subject, of course. She thought it would be nice to relax and have a meal with her bestfriend after a long day at school and before going home.

 

Seulgi held a poorly folded piece of yellow paper in front of Joohyun. “Galing kay Sehun, may gusto atang sabihin.” She said before sighing.

 

Joohyun stared blankly at the piece of paper but nevertheless, she still took it from Seulgi’s hand and didn’t hesitate to read it.

 

 

Joohyun,

Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit pag nandiyan ka, bigla na lang akong pinagpapawisan, nauutal, at parang umiinit ang katawan… nabibinat na kasi ata ako sa ganda mo.

Sa totoo lang, kinakabahan pa nga ako kapag kasama mo sina Minho o Baekhyun. Baka kasi may napili ka nang iba at imposible nang magkaroon ako ng pag-asa sa’yo.

Kaya Joohyun, dahil hindi ko na ‘to mapigilan pa,

pwede ba kitang ligawan?

- s.

 

 

Upon reading the initial, Joohyun couldn’t stop herself from snorting. “Kay Sehun galing ‘to? Nahiya pa siyang ilagay yung pangalan niya.”

 

“Ano lang bang nakalagay?” Seulgi asked with full.

 

Joohyun showed her the small ‘s’ at the bottom of the letter which left an abundant space of lines on the rest of the paper. Deep inside, she thought she could feel more excited and overwhelmed if only the letter ‘S’ stood for something else. Not Sehun’s name but maybe… Seulgi’s.  

 

 

Yeah,

That would be much better.

And if it was true…

Joohyun knew to herself that she will not hesitate to give Seulgi what all her suitors have been asking of her,

Ang matamis niyang oo.

 

 

“Nahiya pa nga.” Seulgi chuckled because she found Sehun’s words so corny. “Ang dami mo nang manliligaw, Hyun. Last week ako rin nag-abot ng love letter ni Miko sa’yo. Kulang na lang magtrabaho na’ko sa Philpost eh. Wala ka pa bang sinasagot ni isa sa kanila o kinakausap at least?” 

 

Joohyun halted from scooping the rice on her plate when she was asked the question. She couldn’t even look up to Seulgi as she bit the inside of her cheek to suppress a smile.

 

“Ay…” Seulgi clasped her hands together. “Alam ko na ‘yang hitsurang ‘yan, meron na ‘no? Sino?” she smiled teasingly.

 

Joohyun nodded slowly, surprising her bestfriend.

 

“Sino?” She asked again but this time, with a gasp because of excitement. “Hyun, sana naman hindi mukhang paa ‘yan. Halos lahat kasi ng mga manliligaw mo mukhang talampakan eh. Tignan mo si Sehun at Donghae.”

 

“Hoy, grabe ka!” Joohyun exclaimed as they laughed together. “Hindi naman mukhang paa si Myeon.”

 

“Myeon? As in si Junmyeon na kaklase mo?”

 

“Oo.” She said shyly.

 

Seulgi gasped, “Uy, bagay!” she smiled even more, “Boto na agad ako diyan hehe.”

 

“Talaga?”

 

“Medyo kilala ko ‘yang si Myeon kasi magkaklase kami nung grade 5 at 6, mabait talaga ‘yan tsaka matalino kaya…” She paused to clear before taking a sip from her bottle of Coke, “Oo, botong boto ako kay Myeon para sa’yo.” Seulgi smiled sweetly at her bestfriend.

 

As they continued to eat in silence, Joohyun pondered on Seulgi’s words and how she described Junmyeon, her lucky suitor. If he was as benevolent as Seulgi described him to be, Joohyun thought that she would only disappoint him for what she’s about to do; seek a helping hand and a friend in him instead of a romantic lover because above all the things that won’t cut Joohyun some slack, it’s her rapidly growing feelings for her bestfriend that’s getting heavier to contain as the days passed by.

 

After all, she knew she had to voice out her emotions and not keep them in a bottle because that would only make her chest feel heavy and she didn’t want that.

 

So, after they finished their meal at Siomai Haus and after Seulgi dropped her off at the jeep terminal, she made a promise to herself that she will tell Junmyeon the truth as soon as they climb up the watchtower the next day.

 

;

 

“Ang taas pala talaga nito, noh? ‘Di ko inakala.” Junmyeon chuckled nervously as he finally climbed up the watchtower together with Joohyun.

 

It was a quarter past four in the afternoon. Their classes just ended and since it was a Friday, Joohyun could stay out a little bit late than the usual. She took her time to finally tell Junmyeon the truth because she did promise herself that the day before after all. However, she took note of the fact that Seulgi was waiting for her in Quad 1 because she insisted that they go home together and said that she didn’t mind. So, despite Seulgi’s kind words, she knew she had to make this quick.

 

“May fear of heights ka ba?” Joohyun asked as she took a seat on the floor.

 

Junmyeon shook his head with a polite smile, “Wala naman, Joo. Maganda rin pala dito. Gets ko na kung bakit mahilig kayong tumambay nina Seulgi dito.”

 

Joohyun smiled up to him before patting the empty spot next to her, telling him to sit down.

 

“So,” Jumyeon began as he followed Joohyun’s plea, “Anong gusto mong pag-usapan? Nice choice of venue, by the way.” He chuckled and so did she.

 

But Joohyun couldn’t help but to bite her lip in hesitation and worry because she was thinking about how Junmyeon would take her friendly rejection.

 

“Myeon,” She softly called out.

 

Junmyeon just raised his eyebrows with the same polite smile on his lips.

 

“Sorry pero…” Joohyun looked at him in the eye, “Hanggang friends lang ang kaya ko.”

 

For a moment, she felt her heart pound in her chest countless of times because the boy beside her was just silent, not uttering a single word.

 

“Sana, o-okay lang sa’yo…” Joohyun added before looking down.

 

“Joo,” He called her in a voice so soft. “Okay lang, hindi mo na kailangang mag sorry.” Junmyeon smiled sweetly at her in understanding. “Pero, pwede ko bang itanong kung bakit? Hindi lang dahil sa’kin ah, napansin ko rin kasi na wala ka talagang sinasagot sa’ming mga manliligaw mo.”

 

“A-Ah…” She smiled nervously, “Gusto ko sanang manghingi ng advice tungkol diyan.”

 

“Sige lang.” Junmyeon nodded. “Anong problema, Joo?”

 

“May iba akong gusto pero h-hindi-” Her voice trembled but she was strong enough to recompose herself, “Hindi ko maamin.” She finished with a soft sigh.

 

“Hmm, bakit naman hindi?”

 

Upon hearing Junmyeon’s question, Joohyun’s head shot up in surprise. She was expecting him to ask ‘who’ instead of ‘why’ but there she was, amused with one of her rejected, yet another one, suitors.

 

Junmyeon really is one of a kind.

 

“Natatakot ka ba?” He asked when she didn’t respond immediately.

 

All Joohyun could do was break eye contact with Junmyeon before nodding slowly to answer his question.

 

She heard him exhale through a smile, “Ako rin natakot umamin sa’yo na gusto kitang ligawan. Pero kahit ngayon na sinabi mo na sa’king hanggang friends lang ang kaya, I don’t feel bad.” He paused. “Kasi sinubukan ko naman, I took the risk and I think that’s better than all the unforeseen questions that I will eventually have if ever I didn’t confess. Para sa’kin, okay lang na tinurn down mo ako kasi at least alam ko yung sagot mo, ‘di ba? Mas okay na yung may sagot na galing sa’yo kesa naman araw araw akong papatayin ng thoughts ko dahil sa kakaisip kung may pag-asa ba ako sa’yo o wala, kung gusto mo rin ba ako o hindi.”

 

“Kaya ayun,” Junmyeon chuckled because of the situation they were in, not that he found it awkward or anything, he just thought it was quite the plot twist to his curiosities about Joohyun. “I really think it’s better to take a risk rather than not doing anything at all. Kasi Joo, balang araw, baka masuffocate tayo sa lahat ng mga what-ifs natin tapos susundan ng regret. Mas mabigat ‘yon, Joo. Ayaw mo naman siguro no’n, ‘di ba? Yung may mga bitbit kang mga tanong tapos araw araw lang silang nadaragdagan kaya bumibigat yung pakiramdam mo. Think about that, ang bigat na nga ng dala dala mo tapos walang hanggan pa ‘yung pagtataka mo.”

 

“Kung mabigo ka man, nasa sa’yo na kung hanggang kailan at saan yung magiging sakit, pero magiging mas madali naman yung paghihilom mo kung alam mo sa sarili mong ginawa mo na ang lahat ng makakaya mo. Sa gano’ng paraan, wala ka nang magiging regrets, wala ka nang bibitbitin na mga agam-agam. Makakalaya ka lang pati yung dinadala mo kung ilalabas mo sila by saying them out loud and telling them to the person that you think is right. Gaya ng ginagawa natin ngayon. Kaya, thank you for trusting me, Joo.” He smiled at her. “I’m glad nag-open up ka about this, that way mababawasan yung bigat sa dibdib mo.”

 

“Grabe ka, Myeon.” Joohyun sniffed before smiling like an idiot, neither of them was aware that she was already tearing up a little. “Salamat, ang galing galing mong magbigay ng advice.”

 

Junmyeon let out a small laugh, “You’re welcome, Joo. Just because you turned me down as your suitor, doesn’t mean I can’t be your friend who’s willing to help and listen to you.”

 

“Lalo mo lang akong pinapaiyak,” She wiped her tears with her handkerchief.

 

“Sorry, sorry,” They laughed softly together. “Eto uh, hindi mo na kailangang sagutin ‘to ah, pero…” Junmyeon took a deep breath, “Sino ‘tong taong ‘to?”

 

Joohyun felt something new stir within her, trust, is it? Because she didn’t hesitate to answer him in full honesty and with her whole heart.

 

“Bestfriend ko,” Joohyun showed him a sad smile before looking down, “Si Seulgi.”

 

Junmyeon’s lips quickly formed into an ‘o’ with a slow nod, “Siya pala kaya mahirap sa part mo.”

 

“Sa’tin lang ‘to, Myeon ha?” Joohyun sighed, “Ayoko munang malaman ng iba na may gusto rin ako sa babae.”

 

“Mouth is zipped, Joo. ‘Wag kang mag-alala.” He reassured her

 

“Sa tingin mo… dapat bang sabihin ko sa kanya yung totoo?”

 

“Medyo alinlangan tayo diyan kasi friendship niyo yung mapapahamak dito,” Junmyeon said, “Pero, Joo, ikaw na lang ang makakapag desisyon niyan kasi I firmly believe na sa’yo dapat manggagaling yun. Tsaka hindi ko rin naman masusukat yung halaga ni Seulgi sa’yo. Everything is solely up to you at this point.”

 

He looked at her, “Listen to your heart but most especially, listen to your mind. I can only wish that you will make the right decision.”

 

;

 

“Hyun!” Seulgi called as she ran to her bestfriend who was walking slowly in the hallway. “Musta date niyo ni Myeon? Kayo na ba?” As she tried to catch her breath, Seulgi noticed that Joohyun’s eyes had a tint of red to them.

 

Her expression changed into a fierce one, “Pinaiyak ka ba niya? Asan ‘yon?” Seulgi looked around with clenched fists, ready to throw hands at Junmyeon.

 

“Seul, hindi.” Joohyun gently held Seulgi’s wrist and in an instant, her fists unclenched. “S-Sinabi ko sa kanya na hanggang friends lang ang kaya ko.”

 

“Pero bakit ka umiyak?” Seulgi asked with a frown.

 

“May napag kwentuhan lang kami. Wala siyang ginawang masama, Seul. Trust me.” Joohyun smiled softly as she looped her arm around Seulgi’s. “Uwi na tayo?”

 

“Sige pero, daan tayo sa plaza?” Seulgi asked. “Ayoko namang umuwi ka nang malungkot baka isipin pa nina tita kung anong nangyari sa’yo.”

 

Joohyun’s smile widened, “Sige.”

 

“Ayan,” Seulgi said upon seeing her bestfriend finally smile. “Ano ba yung napagkwentuhan niyo ni Myeon at napaiyak ka?”

 

“Basta.”

 

“Ano nga?”

 

Joohyun shook her head, “Secret muna ‘yon.”

 

“Osige.” Seulgi pouted. “May itatanong pala ako sa’yo, Hyun.”

 

“Hm?”

 

Seulgi chuckled nervously as they began to walk outside the highschool building, “Parang… gusto kong umamin kay Krystal, shoot my shot lang gano’n. Ano sa palagay mo?”

 

Right. Krystal.

 

Joohyun almost forgot that while her world revolved around Seulgi, Seulgi’s own world was revolving around somebody else, someone lucky whose name is Krystal.

 

She even thought it was funny how they had the same question in their minds regarding whether they should confess to the people they like or not.

 

In Joohyun’s case though, she likes to think it’s more difficult.

 

Because two simple words can either make or break her, two simple words can either complete or have her whole world be taken away.

 

And she knew very well that it’s too soon for any of those heartbreaking instances to happen.

 

That’s why she can’t help but wait.

 

“Hmm, bakit hindi…” Joohyun said. “Pero Seul, hindi ba straight si Krystal?”

 

“Oo ata? Pero malay natin.”

 

“’Di ka sure? Seul, baka mareject ka lang no’n.”

 

“Eh…” Seulgi scratched the back of her neck. “I guess I’ll never know if I never try.” She smiled at Joohyun before shrugging.

 

Joohyun sighed, “Magdahan dahan ka lang. Basta, alam mo namang nandito lang ako kung ano man magiging kalabasan niyan.”

 

Seulgi flashed Joohyun her ‘ddeulgi’ smile, “Oo naman, Hyun.”

 

;

 

Joohyun wished she didn’t answer Seulgi too soon.

 

Because 3 days later, she found a tense Chanyeol attempting to excuse her from her physics class for a reason she didn’t know yet. But whatever it was, she was certain it had something to do with Seulgi. After all, her intuition was not one to fail her.

 

“Ano ‘yon, Mr. Park?” Sir Gatdula, her physics teacher, asked Chanyeol with much impatience because if there’s one thing that he despises the most, it’s having his lectures disturbed.

 

“Pinapatawag po si Joohyun Bae sa guidance.” He repeated himself but this time, with worry that he’ll drive Sir Gatdula mad.

 

“Sige na, sige na.” Sir Gatdula clenched his jaw before looking at Joohyun, “Oh Miss Bae, you may go.”

 

“Thank you, sir.” Joohyun muttered as she rose from her seat with a tiny bit of confusion because of the situation.

 

As soon as she stepped out of her classroom, Chanyeol quickly walked closer to her.

 

“Yeol? Pinapatawag ako sa guidance? Bakit daw?”

 

“Joo…” Chanyeol began with a worried look on his face, “Hindi ka naman talaga pinapatawag sa guidance pero si Seulgi kasi…”

 

Joohyun felt her heart drop at the mention of her bestfriend’s name.

 

“Anong nangyari?” She asked, now mirroring the same worried look on Chanyeol’s face.

 

“Hinihintay ka sa watchtower,” He gulped, “Umiiyak, na-basted ata ni Krystal kanina.”

 

She couldn’t help but sigh at Chanyeol’s revelation. Joohyun knew it was bound to happen even with her precautions and reminders for Seulgi. She just didn’t like how her bestfriend still chose to have her heart broken despite already having sensed Krystal’s eventual rejection because she only entertained boys. More than that, Joohyun’s head was already aching at the thought of all the sample problems and lecture that she will have to catch up on later that night because without a doubt, she will always choose to be there for Seulgi whenever she needs her beloved bestfriend.

 

“Sige, pupuntahan ko.” She said without hesitation.

 

“Sure ka? Pa’no klase mo?”

 

“Yeol, tinawag mo na ako’t lahat, hindi pa ba’ko pupunta?”

 

Chanyeol was taken aback, “Oh, ba’t ka galit?” There was now a hint of fear behind his façade of worry and hesitation.

 

Joohyun mentally slapped herself for snapping at her friend who only had good intentions. She buried her face in her hands before sliding them up to run them through her hair, “Sorry,” She looked at him apologetically. “Nadala lang ako ng kaba, tsaka wag ka nang mag-alala sa klase ko, hahabol na lang ako. Mahahanapan ko naman ng paraan yun.”

 

He showed her a gentle smile, “Okay lang, Joo. Puntahan mo na si Seulgi, hinihintay ka na no’n.”

 

“Thank you, Yeol. Balik ka na rin sa class mo.” That was the last thing Joohyun said to Chanyeol before she sprinted for the field where Seulgi was waiting. She was careful not to get caught by any of the teachers or maintenance men. She also made a note to herself to lie about going to the clinic because of a stomachache if ever any of the personnel tried to approach her.

 

Upon seeing that the coast was clear, she immediately climbed up the ladder of the watchtower to finally check on Seulgi and when she reached the top, Joohyun couldn’t help but smile apologetically at the sight of her bestfriend who was hugging her knees with her head buried in the space between.

 

Gently, she sat beside Seulgi before putting a comforting hand on her back amidst the sound of her soft sobs.

 

“Seul,” She softly called out in the middle of panting. “Tahan na, nandito na’ko.”

 

Ever so slowly, Seulgi lifted her head and looked at her bestfriend. In return, Joohyun scooted closer to wipe away Seulgi’s tears using her thumb with a sad smile.

 

“Sinubukan ko lang naman,” Seulgi said weakly, “Pero tangina, ‘di ko naman inakalang magiging ganito kasakit.” She emitted a bitter chuckle.

 

“Ang tagal mo rin kasi siyang ginusto,” Joohyun tucked a strand of her bestfriend’s hair behind her ear to not hide her face. “Sinubukan mo naman, Seul. Napalaya mo na yung matagal mo nang kinikimkim. Naging matapang ka, yun ang mahalaga.”

 

“Wala rin naman talaga tayong magagawa kung hindi nila tayo gusto pabalik pero hindi naman diyan dapat magtapos ang mundo mo, Seul.” She continued, “Naniniwala ako na may magmamahal sa’yo na higit pa sa inaakala mo, na may makakahanap sa’yo at sasamahan ka hanggang dulo kahit gaano pa kahirap kasi nga mahal na mahal ka niya.”

 

Joohyun sighed softly as she held Seulgi’s hand before giving it a squeeze to let her know that it will all be just fine, “Balang araw, pangako ‘yan. Hiling ko lang na sana hindi siya matagalan sa pag dating niya para hindi ka na masaktan pa.”

 

 

 Nandito na’ko, sana naman madama mo.

 

 

“Hiling ko rin na sana,” Joohyun took a deep breath as she looked up to gaze at the sky to somehow obtain comfort and hope for the both of them, “Hindi siya panghinaan ng loob kapag natagpuan ka na niya.”

 

 

Pero pasensya ka na.

Dahil kahit na matagal na kitang natagpuan,

Mukhang matatagalan rin bago mo malalaman ang totoo,

Bago mo madarama ang bugso ng puso,

Bago ka titigil sa pagluha,

At bago ko masasambit ang mga salitang;

Minamahal na kita.

 

 

//

 

 

“So, saang parte do’n nabulabog ni Joo yung mundo mo?” Wendy asked with creased eyebrows.

 

“Nung umiyak ako sa watchtower,” Seulgi said, “After she said those words parang… ewan ko ba. May naramdaman akong kakaiba? Lalo na nung hinawakan niya yung kamay ko habang pinapatahan niya ako.”

 

“Pero hindi ka pa completely na-fall no’n?”

 

“Hindi,” Seulgi took a sip of her drink, “Kasi I thought it was weird kasi nga…” She took a deep breath, “She’s my bestfriend and I knew at that moment na kapag nagka-feelings ako para sa kanya, things will just go… downhill.”  

 

Wendy crossed her arms as her mind began to whir in thought, “Well, ngayon na may feelings ka pa rin para sa kanya, do you think things still went downhill?”

 

“Oo,” Seulgi looked down to conceal her disappointment, “Because of fate.”

 

“Hindi,” Wendy said firmly, “It’s because of you,”

 

Seulgi shot her bestfriend a questioning look, as if to tell her to expound on what she had just said.

 

“Alam kong sinubukan mo. Dalawang beses pa nga, sinabi mo sa’kin ‘yon. Pero isipin mo, ano kayang magiging kalabasan ngayon kung hindi ka nagpakain sa takot?” Wendy asked. “Edi sana hindi ganito kabigat para sa’yo. Sana hindi ka nasasaktan tuwing nakikita mo si Byul lalo na si Kihyun. Sana walang kirot diyan sa dibdib mo tuwing kasama mo si Joo.”

 

“What makes you so sure na gagaan? Sige, paano kung umamin nga ako pero hindi niya pala ako gusto?” Seulgi asked with a desperate tone.

 

“Edi isang beses ka lang masasaktan, hindi habang buhay. Kung pipiliin mong ganon.” Wendy answered with her whole heart, “Ako naman magtatanong, paano kung natuloy yung pag-amin mo tapos gusto ka rin pala ni Joo?”

 

Seulgi would be lying if she told herself and Wendy that she hasn’t thought about that instance before, the one wherein Joohyun and her had enough courage to actually say the truth out loud and give love a try together.

 

 

Paano nga ba?

Edi sana, ako yung niyakap niya nang mahigpit at binigyan ng bulaklak nung graduation ko sa labas ng Q Pav.

Tapos, kami yung may picture together sa ilalim ng arch of the centuries.

Sana ako yung nagyaya sa kanya kumain sa Mang Tootz tuwing magtutugma yung vacant periods namin o kaya kapag wala na kaming class pareho.

Sana ako yung pinapapunta niya sa dorm niya tuwing wala yung roommate niya kasi ayaw niyang mag-isa.

Sana siya yung paskuhan date ko for 4 years straight.

Sana ako yung sinagot niya sa lovers’ lane.

Sana ako yung naunang nagsambit ng mga salitang ‘mahal kita’.

At sana, ako pa rin yung magsasabi sa kanya no’n araw-araw.

Ano pa nga ba? I can go all day, honestly.

Kung sakali, ako sana yung kasama niya sa pagtaguyod ng The Tipsy Bunny.

Ako sana yung kasama niyang magpatakbo nung business niya nung kulang pa sila sa employees.

Ako sana yung nagpapangiti sa kanya araw-araw, minu-minuto.

Ako sana yung uuwian niya bawat gabi, yung pipiliin niya bawat oras and I will not even think twice about doing the same thing.

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