“Come on, what do you like about me?” she giggles as she stares at me with eyes full of expectations. Those small, lovely eyes can see through the darkest parts of me and never grow afraid. I could be a mess and she’d smile and sit with me until the dark clouds clear away. I have always loved her, but I knew then that she would love me even at times when I couldn’t love myself.

“Let’s see…” I pretend to think as I watch students flock towards the building across the plaza for the afternoon class.

I earned a good nudge for zoning out. “Is it really that hard to think about?”, she glared.

I turned to her with a smile, “I like your eyes.” 

“What about them?”

“They’re lazy, sleepy eyes.” 

I burst into laughter as she starts to hit me, annoyed but half laughing. When I managed to get a hold of her hands, I drew them towards my lips. “I like everything about you, Bomi”, I whispered in all sincerity. “I love you.”

She turned red as she replied, “I love you too, Rong.”

We stayed there, our backs on warm grass, under a tree rustling with the afternoon breeze just like we always do after the day’s class. As I stretched my hand towards the sky, reaching for the unknown, I thought to myself that I want this for the rest of my life - to be beside her for the rest of my life. 

---

The sun was setting on our usual patch of grass but it felt like the sun was setting on my heart instead. It felt so unbearably heavy and broken that I had to clutch my chest in fear that it might fall into a million pieces if I don’t. 

“Do you really have to go?” I asked between sobs. Having been living with her for so long, it was difficult to imagine being apart from her. 

“I’m sorry but there’s really nothing I could do.” She held me close as I tried to pull myself together. “I’ll be back, and you can leave with me in a few years.” Those small, gleaming eyes pierced through me, I knew then that I had no choice but to give in. “I’ll come get you, Rong. I promise.”

I had to trust her. I had to trust that this is all for a better future, a better life with her. This is but a small price to pay to be with her. After all, I have decided to build my life with her. 

It was a moonless night but the stars above were shining bright. I wondered if we would still see the same stars even when we are oceans apart. Maybe because if we can see the same stars, it would feel like she’s just next to me - that maybe if we see the same sky, it wouldn’t feel so lonely.

She held me in her arms until it was time to go. I tried to remember everything about her; how her fingers felt against my skin, the taste of her lips on mine, the warmth of her embrace, and the beating of her heart. I tried to grasp everything because I was afraid that when the trails left by her touch start to fade, I will start to forget. 

---

“Bomi, when are you coming home?” I asked for the millionth time over the phone. I was taking my afternoon break at the pantry, half paying attention to my cup of coffee. “But last year you said you’d be home this Christmas.” I was starting to lose my patience as this conversation had been the only one we’ve had for the last couple of months. 

‘I wish you were here’ she’d say, and I would wish I was too. It seems as though nothing was going according to plan, nothing was turning out the way we wanted it too. Every day that I long for  her, I feel like we’re also growing apart. The years had gone by and we’re still miles apart. Little did I know that hopelessness was starting to creep in. I started to forget.

It became difficult to recall the way she looked at me. I woke up one day realizing I had forgotten the way it felt when she held my hand. I started to forget how it felt to be with her. Shortly after, I started to question the possibility of being with her again. Every day I would look for answers, some reminder of the love-filled version of myself that has exhausted its youth. But all I ever found was more questions and the horrifying reality that time was running out. 

---

“Rong, honey, are you done?” I heard the call with a knock on our bedroom door. “They’re here, sweetie, hurry up!”

“Yes, love. I’m coming.” I called back.

It has been twenty years since that afternoon under the tree. We were filled with youth, and wonders, and endless possibilities. I was so sure of what I wanted in life, and so sure of what love was. But that was then, I didn’t know any better. I was too naive and moonstruck for my own good. Then again what more do you expect from someone who is young and over the moon in love? 

I took a deep breath and made my way towards the front door. I have made my peace with it - that I have loved so deeply that it cannot simply be erased, not by anyone, not even by time. The best I could do is put it to sleep and let it rest, along with all the hopes and dreams that once were. 

I opened the door and there I saw the same lazy, sleepy eyes that I used to love. And for a moment, for a fraction of a second, I felt like I was back under the tree with nothing but love with this woman in front of me.

“Bomi.”