When you are young, you dream of many things but especially your future. What job you might have 10 years down the lane, if you’ll be successful and maybe have a house, a wife and kids. Or end up alone as a cat parent, sitting in front of the tv all day eating mac and cheese while watching a rerun of ‘The Nanny’.

At the age of 11, Kwon Jiyong already knew he would one day marry Choi Seunghyun, the quiet and a little chubby kid one grade above him that loves to rap. Choi Seunghyun with a smile to die for, with a humour that is just as weird as it is hilarious and Jiyong fell for instantly. Call it old-fashioned, but Jiyong was in love at first sight.

 

 

( 1 – 1996 )

“Do you already know what you wanna do after graduation?” Jiyong asks and turns his head from where it is nestled onto Seunghyun’s stomach. Seunghyun's gaze is fixed onto the tv screen where a videogame is playing but at the sound of Jiyong’s voice, he pauses the game and looks down.

“I...I do have a plan yes. I just don’t know if I’d actually be any good at it,” he mumbles. That perks Jiyong’s interest and he turns his whole body to the side to have a clearer view to the boy’s face.

“Now I wanna know. Will you tell me? Please?”

He knows he can get it out of Seunghyun, the older boy is always so easy to read and completely at his mercy if he wants him to be. Seunghyun bites his lower lip as if to contemplating if he should tell him but eventually loses the inner battle.

“I wanna join the army.”

Jiyong stares at the boy in disbelief. He doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t know how to react. Did he hear him right? He wants to join the army?

“You...what?”

“I know it’s stupid, why would they take someone like me? A nerd who weights way too much and likes music and video games and has average grades,” Seunghyun rambles on and that’s when Jiyong finally starts to move. He quickly sits up and pushes his hand against his mouth.

“Stupid,” he mumbles and shakes his head, “if this is what you wanna do, then you should go for it. Live your dreams or like this. You still have two years until you graduate right? I can help you studying for that test you have to take and we can exercise together and then you will-”

Jiyong can’t finish his sentence as warm lips press against his own in a rushed way. His eyes widen at the sudden but not so unwelcome action as he stares back into his best friends' darker ones. He didn’t realise he pulled away his hand and lunged forward but that doesn’t matter. His eyes flutter shut as he kisses him back, his hands hesitantly moving to Seungyhun’s neck to pull him closer. He can feel the smile forming on the other boy’s lips and he’s sure he mirrors the action.

“I wanted to do this ever since Youngbae told me you declared you wanted to marry me in front of your whole class,” Seunghyun whispers with a faint blush adoring his cheeks and Jiyong wants nothing more than to kiss him again.

And well that’s what he eventually does.

 

 

( 2 – 2001 ) 

“Hey Seunghyun?” Jiyong mumbles and looks over to where his fiancé is lying on his stomach, a book in hand and a sleeping cat on his back. Jiyong wants to burn this sight into his brain forever, so domestic and relaxed.

The other man hums but doesn’t avert his eyes from the page. A pout forms on Jiyong’s lips so he reaches forward to snatch the book from his fingers, earning a yell of protest from the other. Putting the book next to himself, Jiyong crosses his arms and finally, Seunghyun rests his chin on his palm and turns his head. With a raised brow, he waits for Jiyong to start and that’s when he realises, he didn’t think his plan through.

The question he wants to ask him burns at the tip of his tongue but he isn’t sure if it’s not too soon. They didn’t talk about this yet, heck he doesn’t even know if they should talk about this right now. He’s still in college and Seunghyun has first mission away from the States scheduled for earlier next year. Maybe that’s the reason why he wants this so bad.

“Jiyong?” Seunghyun’s eyes turn soft as he sees Jiyong hesitate and reaches for his hand to squeeze his fingers gently. “Hey, I lost you there for a second. What is it you wanted to ask me?”

Swallowing down the lump in his throat, Jiyong coughs and looks at their joined hands, the engagement ring beaming at him with such pride that Jiyong decides to just ask. He doesn’t have anything to lose, right?

“Do you want to have...kids one day?”

He keeps his eyes on the ring, he doesn’t want to look into Seunghyun’s face, doesn’t want to see his reaction to it. It’s enough that he hears it – which is none at all.

This is stupid, he shouldn’t have asked, he should’ve waited. They aren’t even married yet and with their current situation they can barely provide for themselves, how should they be able to look after a child?

Jiyong is pulled out of his train of thoughts when a warm hand cups his cheek and he slowly looks up. Seunghyun is now sitting upright, the same gorgeous smile on his lips as the one he fell in love with all those years ago. His thumb is the skin just beneath his eye and Jiyong leans into the touch.

“Where is that thought coming from?” he wonders and Jiyong sighs. It’s a stupid reason.

“Well...Dami is pregnant and I just thought that...I know it’s stupid...” he mumbles, the heat shooting up in his cheeks. Seunghyun chuckles and pulls him forward while falling backwards. He wraps his arms around Jiyong’s small waist and Jiyong nestles his head beneath the older man’s chin comfortably.

“It’s not stupid,” Seunghyun rasps out and kisses his hair. “Believe it or not but I already thought about it as well. We’re great cat parents already, I’m sure you’ll be an amazing father.”

Jiyong’s heart skips a beat at the confession, he wasn’t expecting this turn of events. He lifts himself onto his elbows to look down into his fiancés face, searching his eyes for any kind of doubt or dishonesty but he finds none. On the contrary, he sees nothing but pure love and affection and that’s enough for him.

Leaning down, Jiyong plants a soft kiss onto his lips, a lazy movement of lips with a taste of the future.

 

 

( 3 – 2003 ) 

They adopt the boy at the age of one year and five months. His mother has been still too young so she sought help at the church who helped her deliver the baby. The nun who took care of the little boy, a woman with passion, gentle hands and a pure heart, was delighted when she found out a couple were interested in adopting him. Their common friend Youngbae, a loyal man to the church, knew that Jiyong and Seunghyun were looking forward to adopt for a while now and with the legal documents finally being all set to give it a go, he knew exactly where to send them.

Sister Clarissa opens the door at the second ring and leads the nervous man into the house. It’s an old villa with dark wooden floor and panelling, a few plants pushed into the corners and there are even painting hanging from the wall. Jiyong is surprised, he imagined a foster care home to be duller and darker but the windows are big and let the light flood into the spacious hallways.

“Gentlemen, can I bring you anything?” Sister Clarissa asks them once they reach a room that looks like a living room. The couple shares glances before Jiyong eventually nods, his mouth has gone dry and he can feel the nervousness creeping up inside. The nun leaves the room again, leaving both men standing in the doorway before they slowly make their way over to the long table set in the middle.

There are children playing on the carpet in front of the fireplace, a boy and two girls who look up once the men enter the room. Jiyong stares back at the little ones who shyly return to their building task and Jiyong sighs.

“Did you see that? Are you sure I’ll be a good father?” he mumbles but Seunghyun only reaches for his hand and squeezes it. “The best.”

Once Sister Clarissa returns with glasses of fresh water and a few self-made cookies (“The kids made them just this morning.”), she starts to interview them about why they wanna adopt the little boy. Jiyong explains that they’ve wanted to adopt for quite a while now but because of Seunghyun’s job, they had to get a few documents first which slowed the whole process down. He can sense that at the mention of Seunghyun’s job, Sister Clarissa’s good energy from earlier wavers a bit so he tries to push the conversation into another direction.

“I love kids, I always wanted to have a child of my own. Ever since the law allowed people like...people like us to adopt, we knew it’s the right thing to complete our family. To give a little person a home so we can love him or her or them with all our heart. My sister has a child of her own and the number of times I looked after my niece, I can’t even count,” he finishes, his fingers digging into Seunghyun’s palm who has stayed quiet for the whole talk. He seems far more relaxed than Jiyong does and he silently curses at him for staying so calm.

Sister Clarissa hums and nods, she’s been looking at Jiyong the whole time but now she slowly averts her eyes over to Seunghyun who returns the look.

“And what about you, Mister Choi? Do you have the same beliefs set for your future as Mister Kwon?”

A small smile plays at the corner of Seunghyun’s lips.

“I have a nephew myself who I adore and cherish even though he can be a true rebel. My sister is always complaining about how exhausted she is and that Yeonyun is driving her nuts these days. So, of course I wondered if that is truly what I want for us. Children are a lot of work but not in the sense you might think I need it now. They need loving parents they can trust, especially when they grow up in a system like this. I admire the work you do here, Sister Clarissa and I would love nothing more than to open my house for a lost and lonely soul to join my husband and me.”

Jiyong stares at Seunghyun while his heart beats and pulls against his chest like crazy. He is amazed and shocked at the same time that those words came out of his ever so quiet and taciturn husband. And he must have said all the right words as well because the gentle smile is back on Sister Clarissa’s lips.

“Very well, Mister Choi, Mister Kwon. Are you ready to meet little Minho?”

 

( 4  – 2006 )  

“Alright champ, time for bed,” Seunghyun says and gets up from the couch, lifting up their little ray of sunshine to throw him over his shoulder. Minho laughs and pats his hands on his dad’s back and playfully kicks his feet.

“Nooo! Dad I don’t wanna go to bed yet,” he yells, a pout forming on his lips and Jiyong can see the silent laughter vibrating through his husband’s body as he gasps and gives Minho a light slap on his .

“But don’t you know that the evil sleep monster will come and get you if you refuse?” Seunghyun asks, earning another scream from the boy.

“Yah you’re lying!”

Seunghyun laughs and climbs the stairs up to his bedroom where he lets him down onto the bed. Minho tries to jump up again and run past him but Seunghyun is faster. He pulls him against his chest and falls backwards while Minho struggles to get free.

“Dad...! Dad! Urg PA HELP ME,” he whines loudly and looks at Jiyong with wide eyes as he looks down at the puddle of men, bemused.

“Do you want me to join the cuddle party?” he asks but the little boy shakes his head vehemently.

“No! Get dad away from me,” he says with a pout and Jiyong sighs.

“Will you go to bed then?”

Minho pretends to think for a few moments before he eventually nods. He’s in a rebellious phase lately and Jiyong is actually surprised he agreed to easily. There has to be a catch.

“Alright, come on big baby number two, time to move to your own bed,” he chuckles and pats Seunghyun’s thigh who wiggles his eyebrows just for Jiyong to see. Jiyong’s cheeks flush at the underlying suggestion that smirk holds and tries to hide it with rolling his eyes.

“Come on, Minho you still have to brush your teeth as well,” he says with a stern voice. Seunghyun loosens the grip around his waist so the 4 years old boy can run into the bath next door. Jiyong looks down at his husband who pushes himself onto his forearms, that suggestive smirk still on his lips but Jiyong shakes his head.

“No, don’t even think about it.”

“But-”

“No buts, especially not mine tonight. I have to get out of the house early tomorrow morning and if I recall correctly, you as well, old man,” he teases, laughing as Seunghyun grunts and starts to chase him out of their son’s room for a quick make-out session behind their bedroom door, giggling like teenagers before Jiyong eventually pushes Seunghyun out of the room so he can change without grabby hands undressing him again. Once he’s done, he makes his way to the bathroom, rushing through his night routine.

The last stop is their son’s room for a quick good night kiss. The door is half open and he can see the dim light coming from within, a soothing voice ringing through the air. Jiyong pushes the door open some more so he can have a proper look inside and the sight that greets him warms his heart to an extent, no words can describe how happy it makes him.

Seunghyun is sitting at the edge of the bed, a book in hand while Minho has his plush duck tugged against his chest, eyes dropping every 5 seconds to the deep timbre of Seunghyun reading the story of the Sun and the Moon. Seunghyun’s eyes flicker to their son every once in a while, and he closes the book quietly when he realises Minho fell asleep. Leaning down, he kisses his forehead softly and whispers a “Good night, champ.” before he gets up and makes his way to the door.

“I thought you went to bed already?” he asks in a low voice when he finds his husband standing in the doorframe. Jiyong shakes his head and nods in the direction of the sleeping boy. With an understanding smile, Seunghyun moves past him, vanishing in the bathroom while Jiyong tiptoes to the bed and crouches down in front of it.

Minho’s lips are slightly parted, his cheeks still red from the exhausting day in the snow that left him still with way too much energy. Jiyong leans forward to brush his lips against his forehead, his fingers trailing through his black hair as he whispers “I love you, buddy.”

A little while later, when Seunghyun slips in bed behind Jiyong and pulls him against his chest, with his lips planted in the nape of his neck, Jiyong could cry.

He’s the happiest he could have ever been.

 

( 5 – 2010 ) 

Like every happy family, there comes the time when things start to get out of sync just a tiny bit. But sometimes, this tiny little bit is enough to pull the strings out of their support one after the other. There’s always one event that sets it all into motion.

“They offered me a lead position at one of their bases,” Seunghyun says, almost casually, after dinner. He has his hands deep inside the dishwater, gaze focused on his task at hand but Jiyong almost loses the grip around the plate he just dried. He stares at Seunghyun who continues to set the washed glasses aside as if nothing happened, as if he didn’t just drop the biggest bomb on him without any warning.

“Where?” Jiyong asks after he regained his posture, his voice sounding strangely strangled. He gets no reply though and that’s when he sees the tension in Seunghyun’s shoulders that hasn’t been there before. And suddenly he fears the answer to the question.

“Seunghyun, where,” he asks again, this time his voice is steadier and the anger and disappointment that is boiling in the pit of his stomach are already swinging with. Seunghyun’s hands stop their motions to rest on the kitchen sink, head hanging low as if he’s ashamed. But he still doesn’t answer but somehow, it’s answer enough for Jiyong. A country that is at war, it’s the only plausible explanation.

“For how long?”

“24 months.”

Another punch in his gut. Jiyong stumbles backwards to rest against the fridge, his hands curling into fists as he stares at his husband who doesn’t dare to look him in the eye.

“And you agreed? Without talking about it with me beforehand?”

“I knew you would react like this. It’s a one-time opportunity and it’s a financial boost that is especially good for Minho,” Seunghyun is quick to argue but Jiyong is having none of it. With a humourless laugh, he throws the towel in his direction and stems his hands into his sides.

“What, are you implying I don’t earn enough money so you have to play hero and take the first crazy job offer they have? You know we like you alive and not-"

He can’t finish his sentence as a choked sob leaves his throat at the mere thought of losing Seunghyun, he can’t lose him, not him. Not his rock, his one and only, his best friend, his husband, Minho’s dad, his rolemodel.

Seunghyun rushes to him in an instant, arms wrapping around his frame as Jiyong is being pressed against a broad chest and even though he is incredible angry at him and wants to push him away, he can’t. He needs to feel him, his warm body. Alive.

They stay like this for a couple of minutes, quiet sobs and slow breathing filling the air as Seunghyun rocks the man in his arms.

“When do you have to leave?” Jiyong eventually asks.

“Next Friday morning...”

“But that’s Christmas Eve,” Jiyong whispers, his hands shaking and into the material of Seunghyun’s shirt. His eyes glide over his shoulder to the living room where Minho is playing with his dinosaurs in front of the chimney, carefree and innocent, not knowing what will come.

“I know.”

Jiyong closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

“It will break Minho’s heart.”

A pause that feels like hours, a silence that can cut the air.

“I know.”

"But you will come back to us. Promise me, Seunghyun," Jiyong says with such a small voice that it's barely audible.

"Always. I promise."

 

 

( 6 - 2012 )

“I think our son is in love,” Jiyong chuckles and glances over the brim of his glasses perched up on his nose to where their son is sitting at the table with his colouring book he got from his aunt Dami.

“What?” comes the reply right away and Jiyong’s eyes flicker back to Seunghyun’s horrified face. “He’s