http://www.infinitelooper.com/?v=L9ro1KjkJMg#/0;211

Play this while reading this. The link is a youtube video on loop, so you don't have to kept on coming back to the page to play and spoil your mood..xD.. listen to it! I swear to god the effect would be 100 times better.. ;p.. enjoy

Day sixty

She twirled around on the roof top. It was probably half an hour after midnight. Like every other nights, she couldn’t find sleep. So she went up there to meet her love. She waited and waited and just like that one night, he didn’t appear. Worries began to contaminate her mind but she kept it positive. It was still early as she said. She was listening to that new girl group song called ‘Russian Roulette’. It was exactly how she felt right then as she was hopping crossing the imaginary line that she drew. She didn’t know why, but she felt as if she was hanging down on a string line just like Russian roulette, nothing was secure, nothing was safe, and she wasn’t at rest.

An hour later, she found herself pacing back and forth in the middle of the eight floor hallway. She was still cogitating about knocking on his door. He didn’t want to end up like the other day where he had to force her sleep lying to herself that he was probably too tired to answer the door when he was actually ended up in a killing conspiracy. In the end, she stopped in front of the door. She breathed in and knocked with her knuckle. It was a few seconds after that when she heard foot shuffles behind the door. The next thing she knew, the tall frame was standing in front of her. Panic drawn in his eyes as he stood there, cloth drenched in blood and face badly bruised an evident of getting into another fight. She bit her lower lips, trembled in yet another round of emotional play.

She didn’t say anything, but she decided to run away from him. He was quick enough, actually, he was ready in case she would run away and caught her by her wrist. He tugged her thin limb and pulled her into a hug. Without another word uttered, her tears fell once again. She tried to get off from his embrace. She flailed her arms, she unrelentingly hit his chest, he let her be. Instead, he pulled her closer against his chest. She stopped retaliating and cried harder on his chest. Her fingers curled on his back, wrapped inside his shirt.

“I thought you stopped” She heaved in. It was so loud because of her stuffy nose. Himchan chuckled lightly because of that. He pulled his body away from hers just to take a closer look at her now puffy eyes. He then smeared the tears trail away with his thumb pad.

“I’m sorry” Yet again, that was all he said.

She couldn’t bear looking at his badly injured face, so she pulled him inside his house. Making him stripped his cloth off him before soaking the blood stained cloth in warm water. She blushed upon seeing his perfectly sculptured body. But the scars and bruises broke her heart. There were a lot of them. She proceeded with another bowl of warm water and started cleaning him up. Himchan watched every moves that she made from cleaning his face, his body, and finally wrapping it up with plasters. She finished it off and rested on his sofa. He stared at her, at stationary state. A few minutes later, she was unconscious. Himchan chuckled before scooping her up, bringing her to her own unit and gently tucked her in her own bed.

Day one hundred.

He was brutally hit. His chest was crushed and there were cuts and bruises everywhere. He had yet recovered from the last fight, yet another hard blow came. The last time he was beaten, the doctor warned him about being hit in the chest again. It couldn’t take another blow anymore. If he wanted to stay alive for few more good years, he had to stay away from fights, but no. No matter how much he wanted to avoid it, they kept on dragging him in. The last time he got in a fight, his chest was cracked. This time, with the hard blow, he was sure the cracked bones were already failing and probably broken.

He kept on coughing blood as he limped up the flight of stairs. He stumbled a few times, holding onto his chest. He regained his composure and tried to climb up again. The time he got into the fight where one of them died, that was the time when he decided to call it quits. That was why he got into the mess anyway. The person that died, that was his only friend. The only one that actually stood up for him when he wanted to quit the dirty life of his. But of course, quitting a gang would not be that easy. He wanted to do it the clean way, but the leader took it the messy way and they ended up sacrificing an innocent soul.

Sure the gang leader was behind the bar already. Himchan was proven innocent, but his men wouldn’t take it easy and now Himchan had to pay. When he went out there to find a decent job so he could live off his ex leader’s money, people were watching him. The leader’s men, to be précised. He couldn’t find himself breathing clean air. There would always be the guys that would contaminate his oxygen. He tried to run. He was alone, he had no other choice but to run away. But he couldn’t run forever. Once in a while he would come home with bruised body and cuts, and his girlfriend would always ended up crying and cleaning up all the mess on his body, and she would always cry herself to sleep. It had been like that for a while. He tried to tell her that he was trying to quit but he couldn’t find himself explaining. He failed at it, badly.

Today, he really couldn’t face his girlfriend in that kind of state. He was too badly injured. He wanted to run away, but he had no other place to go. The peoples would probably be roaming around Seoul just to finish his off. He couldn’t die. Not just yet. He scarcely made it to the eight floor and he kept on limping to his door, occasionally bumping against the wall, keeping him from falling down on the floor once again.

Himchan stared at his own reflection in his bathroom. The person inside the mirror was barely recognizable. There were not much bruise on his face; at least they were not too visible. The place where he had to endure endless counts of blows was beneath his shirt. His purple shirt was soaked in his red liquid and sweats. He peeked at his watch. It was almost an hour after midnight. She was probably been waiting for him again that night. He yet again coughed out another batch of lumped blood. He felt his throat burning from the hard coughing. He his chest hoping that the burning sensation would cease away soon.

He bit his lower lips, tasting the metallic taste of his own blood. He spitted it out before he gargled with generous amount of tap water and spat it out again. He had to meet her. He had the urge to do so and he didn’t know why. He fixed his face with some BB cream, just to hide the bruise and fixed his hair a little before changing his shirt with a long sleeved hoodie. He put the hoodie over his head, covering the blue spot around his neck, thanks to the chocking of one of the men.

He inhaled before charging towards the rooftop. He pushed the door open. Upon seeing her looking over the city near the ledge, he found himself curling into a smile. Sneakily, he reached over her and buckled his arms around her waist, resting his chin on her head. He heaved in the scent of her hair. Her hair smelt like strawberry, thanks to her strawberry scent shampoo, and he liked it.

“Hey!” She greeted, giggling a bit by his sudden embraced.

He didn’t answer, instead he hugged her tighter. She started to feel a little bit suffocated so she spun around and placed her arms against his chest, pushing him a bit in order to breath. With the pressure against his chest, he winced and let go of her.

“What’s wrong? I pushed you too hard?” She bit her fingernail, worried and guilty. She swore she didn’t even push that hard. Since when her boyfriend turned into such a sissy?

Himchan waved his hand in front of him, signing that he was okay. She pouted a bit.

“You scared me for one second” She wrapped her arms around his neck.

“I did?” He wanted to chuckle when his chuckle came out as a light cough and that cough grew stronger that he could feel his blood immerged from his throat. He couldn’t show it to her. He didn’t want another round of tears jerking, so he forced himself to draw it back down to his throat again. It tasted awful. The blood tasted awful and he just wanted to spit it out.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Obviously she was very worried.

Himchan nodded and kissed her temple. She tip toed and planted a kiss on his lips. It wasn’t a simple peck. Himchan knew she wanted more than just a peck. Her tongue kept on tugging on his lips, wanting access when he realized he couldn’t do so. His mouth tasted blood. Pure blood and he knew that his girlfriend was not stupid. She was innocent, but for a girl that was accepted into one of the college that offers the best law study course, he knew she was more than just meets the eyes.

She finally gave up and pulls away from the kiss. Himchan noticed the spark of disappointment in her eyes. She tried to hide it with a smile, but he knew her better. She took a sit on the floor and he joined her. She threw her gaze to the view, not a word uttered or said. He sighed, looking at her from the side. He closed his eyes, feeling the pounding on his chest. It was getting stronger as he tried to contend it. He rested his head on her shoulder. She let him do so.

“You know” He coughed slightly. He took her warm hand and wrapped it inside his cold hand. They fitted each other perfectly. “You changed my life” He continued. Her view changed and it was now on him. “For seven years, I never smiled and you changed that” He added more.

“I did?” She hooked her arm on his. He nodded softly and again, he coughed. It was louder than the last time but he tried not to let the blood out and gulped down his blooded spit again. 

“You did” He knew he had to say whatever he wanted to say now. No more hiding. “I never thought of quitting the gang. I had no other things to do other than following what they said. Being a dog and live like a dog” he chuckled half heartedly.

She didn’t say a thing. She just listened.

“You changed that somehow. For once, I actually had a dream” His lips tugged to a smile.

“What is your dream?”

“To be with you” He chuckled just by imagining having a real life with her. Having mini him running around in diapers. He liked the idea. “You’re the reason why I made a choice to quit the gang” He confessed. “But it didn’t work like I thought it would”

“What do you mean? They let you go right?” She shifted and Himchan ended up lifting his head up. He couldn’t hold himself from coughing once again. His chest was burning and he couldn’t fight it anymore. In the end, a lump of blood brutally pooling her sleeping gown. She gasped upon seeing the sudden uninvited greetings from the liquid.

“They wanted me dead” He mumbles between the blood stains in his mouth, but she understood his incoherent words.

“Himchan” She was out of words. So she pulled him into a hug. She didn’t want to let him go from her grasp.

“Can we stay like this? Just for a while?” He replied the hug. She nodded, tears began to blur her vision.

For a few minutes, they stayed that way, hugging each other. She tried making him going back to his unit and gets a rest but he refused so eventually she let him rest on her laps. He stared at her with his tired eyes and cold lips. It was almost lifeless. Himchan fished out something from his pocket and her eyes trailed at his hand. He took out a ten thousand won bill and began to fold it in various ways. In the end, it formed a ring. She smiled at the sight. He grinned, satisfied with her reaction. He then took her finger and slid the paper ring around her ring finger. It fitted her perfectly.

She viewed her hand, flipping it back and forth to check the ring out. The ten thousand won worthed ring, but it meant the world to her.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t give a billion won worth of ring” Yet, he said in between his cough again. She panicked again, and when he stopped, she smiled.

“There’s no diamond ring that can replace your sincerity” She leaned in and left a peck on his blooded lips.

“Baby” He called her softly.

“Hmm?” She looked at him with a warm gaze.

“You are precious, and you meant the world to me” He told her. Honestly, he had never been that cheesy. He never even said ‘I love you’ to her. Not even once. She couldn’t help but to get teared up again. Although it was not that three words sentence, but it was close enough.

Himchan started coughing out loud before she could even reply him. His body curled into a ball as his cough grew louder and he felt as if somebody was ripping his chest apart. It hurt so bad that he actually had tears in his eyes. He had been beaten up a lot, but never once he cried. That night, his tears fell unrelentingly. The burning was getting worse and he knew it wouldn’t cease any sooner.

“Himchan! Hold it! I’ll call ambulance” She was about to stand up only to be blocked by him.

“It would be-“ Cough. “To-“ Cough. “Late” Another round of rough coughing and his voice came out raspy and husky.

“I can’t leave you like this!” She cried. There was nothing she could do other than his hair and occasionally on his chest, trying to at least make him feel better. She was helpless.

“I’ll be fine” He smiled. Of course she knew he was lying.

“Thank you for lying to me, but I’m not stupid” She replied.

“I still wanted to say that” He chuckled in between his cough. Tears started to fall from the corner of his eyes. “You s-said” He paused to cough out another lump of blood. “You thought me to always think positive” He joked.

“This is no time to joke around!” She thought the other way around.

He didn’t reply. He had no strength to do so anymore.

“I love you” He said.

“I love you too so you had to stay!”

“I wish I could, but you’re better off” He panted hard trying to catch on his breath as if he just ran a thousand miles marathon. “Without me” He heaved in a long breath.

“Himchan!! Don’t scare me like this!!” More tears flown out from her eyes as she tightened the grip around his hand. The paper ring was covered in his blood but she didn’t care. His gown was drenched in blood, but the man in his lap was way more important.

Himchan didn’t answer. He smiled one last time, looking at her face and cherished it to the fullest. With that, he breathed in another long heave before he felt the lump on his throat was slowly being pulled out from his body, and it was over.

She played with the paper ring that she sent to a shop to cover it with plastic in order not to ruin it even if it was immersed in water. She then placed the ring on a silver necklace and wore it around her neck since it couldn’t fit her finger anymore with the plastic around it. She was listening to the piano piece. The piece that she was listening when she first met him.

She was at the rooftop again, exactly seven years after the incident. They moved out from the apartment a few months after that. She just couldn’t live in that place anymore. Too many memories. But every year on the very same day, she would come over just to pay a respect to him. She was already a successful lawyer. She managed to finish her study with the paper ring by her side. There was no other things that she wanted other than having him by her side again.

She stopped crying, but the pain was still there. She still kept a few of his things. The last shirt he wore, the now broken headphone, and the memories with him. She never forgets them. Every second of the 100 days, she remembered them like a movie in her head. They never went on a proper date, but she was happy.

She wrapped her arms around his folded knees. She rested her chin on top of her knee caps, smiling by herself as she flooded herself with the history of his around the rooftop. She remembered the first time he kissed her. She touched her lips. She could barely feel the tingling feelings of his kisses. Those trails were still there. She looked on her side and what she saw made her smile grew wider.

Himchan sat beside her, smiling with his beautiful smile. He didn’t say a word, but his eyes said it all. He never left her. She knew it. A second after that, she felt her shoulder being touched. As she tilted her head to look up, she was greeted by the familiar guy. She looked again at her side, and Himchan was gone. She looked around before smiling to herself, realizing that he was really gone.

“Baby we should go. It’s late and you have a case to attend to tomorrow morning” Her boyfriend spoke. He opened her closed heart. He knew everything about Himchan and he helped to bring her right back up. He knew she still loved him but he also knew that there was a place for him somewhere in her heart. That’s why he would always keep her company and let her keep on coming back to that place every single year for the past six years. He was the one that suggested it. He thought it would be the only way that she could be with him for only one night. He allowed it.

“Yongjae” She called.

“Yes?” He looked at her with soft look in his eyes.

“Thank you” She smiled.

“Anytime” He offered his hand and she took it willingly.

She wrapped her hands around his arm, slightly leaning against his arm as they made their way towards the door. She paused when she was almost out from the frame and looked back. There she saw Himchan standing in the middle of the rooftop, smiling at her. She smiled back.

See you next year, Kim Himchan.

With that, they disappeared from the rooftop, making their way through the flight of stairs.

He left.

She was left with a badly injured heart.

Another person came and fixed her broken heart.

The memories would always be in her heart.

Just like a broken record, it kept on repeating.

It was beautiful, harsh, brutal, yet, it was precious. 

The End