Starry Night
 

Chaerin shivers in the cold of late December’s winter night, huddling up further into her padded jacket to shield herself from the chill. She s her hands into her pockets, hoping to regain some feeling in her fingers that had gone numb a couple of minutes ago. 

“Woo,” she lets out lowly when even a mere zephyr makes it feel like she’s about to freeze over. She looks over at her raven-haired companion and requests a heat pack. Seunghyun tosses two over to her which she barely manages to catch at the same time. He takes no notice of the glare she sends his way, bringing his cigarette up to his lips again for another drag. 

Ugh, Chaerin thinks to herself. She takes a step to the side to get away from the secondhand smoke. When Seunghyun requested her presence for her sound relationship advice, she didn’t think he’d spend most of the time wallowing in his own thoughts and barely saying anything of substance. Initially, she’d excused it as him needing some time to gather his thoughts, but after five minutes it was clear that he was not about to start up a conversation and it certainly wasn’t getting any warmer. She’d have to get things going or literally get going before the weather became too unbearable for her. 

“So,” she starts up, pursing her lips casually as she looks over at the taller male. “How have things been going with Somin? You mentioned last time that she was hesitant to start a relationship.”

“She still is and I have no idea why,” he confesses, staring out at the city below them from the top of the building where they are. Seoul city remains as busy as ever if the bustling of the cars below them is any judge of its restlessness. Or, perhaps, a reminder of how trivial his own woes may be in the grand scheme of things. 

“And did you take the previous advice I gave you about letting her know that you’re serious for real?”

He nods. 

Regardless of the more distant friendship that they had in the past, he’d grown quite fond of Chaerin’s honesty and forthcoming nature. For Seunghyun, it is refreshing to have an unbiased perspective of his triumphs or sheer ups and she offers exactly that. At this point, he knows better than to avoid her wise words of advice; the woman knows what she is talking about. 

“Well since you’ve laid all the cards on the table, all that’s left is to wait it out,” she shrugs, holding a heat pack up to one cheek and then the other. She almost screams for joy at how good it feels. “She probably just needs to internalize her own feelings before she gives you a definite answer. I don’t think that you should text her unless she messages you first. It’s better to let her take control for a bit and initiate a conversation when she feels comfortable.” 

“You don’t think that now, more than ever, she’ll want me to show more interest?”

CL looks at him as if he’d scorned her mother. Did he hear anything I just said? she thinks. “No. Don’t be pushy. It’s like she’s your only option and that might burden her. So give it time.”

She joins her friend atop an air vent once he puts out his cigarette, staring off into the distance together. Seunghyun retreats into his quiet self again, consumed by his thoughts. Despite his inhibitions, he would listen to her. He is unable to recall a moment when she came to him for advice but hopes that she knows she could seek him out whenever she wants. 

“But time—” Seunghyun is cut off by the sound of the squeaky door to the roof opening to reveal the abashed face of one of their juniors who probably thinks he caught them in an intimate situation. Seunghyun fails to recognize the man even after he catches a good glimpse of his face that the moon’s light gently touches. Chaerin recalls seeing him earlier, but she is unable to place a name to the man. "Hello."

Barom immediately bows ninety degrees multiple times when he realizes just who he had stumbled upon; two seniors whom he respects a lot. He certainly didn’t expect to come across such a combination even if they were from the same agency. Although he didn’t know either of them personally, he would think that their personalities would clash or interests would be too different. Once he straightens back up, a sea of apologies leaves his lips and he starts retreating towards the door. 

“You don’t need to leave,” CL speaks up as she stares amusedly at his shy, awkward figure. She gestures him over and pats the space beside her on the vent, shifting a bit to make more room for him. “It’s warmer here.”

Barom contemplates whether he should accept her offer or politely decline. On one hand, it feels like he’s intruding upon their moment; whatever that moment was. On the other, he really needs to get away from the artificial atmosphere that permeated the building below. Too many idols, fake smiles, and meaningless greetings. It made him feel too anxious to even think about such an environment. 

So he accepts, genuinely surprised at the warmth that CL offers him. He’d really only ever seen her in a cool light when she was performing with her group and had always admired the way her charisma dominated the stage. That had attracted him to her, especially her strength in the face of South Korea’s harsh beauty standards. But now, when she’s much more relaxed and without frills or expensive outfits, he finds himself even more engulfed in her beauty and kindness that are apparent in her welcoming smile.  

He occupies the free space beside her, grateful for the hot air that seeps through the vents and offers some more comfort in the cold. 

“Hopefully our asses don’t catch fire,” they hear Seunghyun mumble as he shifts his weight to be free of some of the heat on his . The pair chuckles at that, not quite at the same point when it comes to the heat on their own butts. 

Chaerin nudges Barom with her shoulder to get his attention. He looks over at her curiously. “What are you running from tonight?” she inquires softly.

She hopes that she doesn’t come across as too straightforward or intrusive, but the moment she laid eyes on him earlier among the crowd of idol faces, she knew that he had a lot on his mind. He looked distressed and a bit lost even when s surrounded him. When he came up to the roof, his face was much more relieved until he realized that he was not alone. Then the look had come back, not as intense, but it was there. She doesn’t know why it bothered her so much that she could be the source of that expression the second time around.

Barom considers her words carefully. He does suppose that he had been running and doing it for quite some time. From what? Well, it’s impossible for him to pinpoint just one reason. His company, for starters, is absolutely terrible. Lucrative, greedy, harsh, Yedang Entertainment withheld much of the money his group had earned from concerts. His creative process had been stifled to the point where he could barely recognize himself in anything he put out. It all became too mechanical for him. Add in some extreme anxiety into the mix and it felt like too much, too often. 

“Everything, including myself,” he responds after some time. 

For a while, neither CL nor Seunghyun say anything in response to that, barely acknowledging it beyond a low hum as the unlikely trio stares off into the night sky again. Although there is light pollution from below, many stars are visible due to the lack of clouds. Ever since Chaerin was young, the sky fascinated her. She remembers laying with her parents and sister in the park and trying to decipher objects from the clouds. As she grew a bit older, her attention focused more on the night’s sky and just how vast it was, ever-expanding and so infinite that it was hard to wrap her mind around its magnitude. 

“When I was about thirteen, my dad gave me a telescope for my birthday,” she smiles to herself as she recalls the memory. She had been so excited to receive such a gift when her interest in the stars was at its peak. She still has the telescope in her home. “It was a gift I really cherished because I loved everything about the sky at that point in my life. I would watch re-runs of Carl Sagan’s Cosmos every week because there was always something new to learn.”

“The universe is a mystery in the end,” Seunghyun comments, looking over at Chaerin who nods in agreement. He catches sight of Barom who is hanging on to every word that his dongsaeng says and grins to himself internally, knowing fully well that his fellow idol fancies Chaerin. That look doesn’t just spring out of nowhere so it seems his feelings must have been cultivating for some time. Nonetheless, he says nothing about it, deciding to let the cards fall as they may.

“Exactly,” she concurs, brushing a few blonde hair flyaways back behind her ear. “I learned and learned and it still wasn’t enough to understand why everything was happening. And it’s just so endless that it’s scary. But, at the same time, that can also be comforting because we’re like ants when you really think about it. We’re so small, so insignificant that even when we die, the world will continue on. It will never stop for us or our problems. It’s the same way that we don’t stop for ants or their problems. But they continue on regardless; they resolve and they move on together.”

She turns back to Barom, hoping that he could see the conviction in her eyes. “Try to solve your problems bit by bit. Once you’ve done better than the previous day, that is already a success. And eventually, you’ll be free of those problems that you can control. Of course, new problems will arise to knock you again and again, but if you draw on the strength that you used to confront old challenges then you will manage to navigate your way past them.”

“What about the problems that last a lifetime?”

“You can always seek me out when you need someone to listen. You don’t have to do it alone.”

Seunghyun’s eyes widen at her bluntness. She might as well just say that she likes him, he thinks. He knows that she is naturally forthcoming, but even he is shocked by this. He suddenly feels like the third wheel and searches for a way out to give them some time. 

Luckily Chaerin gets to her feet before he could come up with an excuse of his own. She bows to Barom and lets him know that it was nice to meet him even if circumstances weren’t exactly ideal. C-Clown's leader returns the sentiments. When Chaerin turns to Seunghyun, it’s with a glare. 

“You better take my advice if you want her to like you, oppa.”

He holds his hand up in compliance. “I will, I will.”

“I need to perform soon so I’m heading down. But remember gentlemen, when winter passes spring always follows.” She parts with that, leaving them both to stare at her retreating form. While Seunghyun is used to her vague goodbyes, Barom isn’t.

The elder male shakes his head when he thinks about all those words she just told Barom, but hadn’t even given him her phone number. He briefly wonders if he should do it, but returns to his previous thoughts of letting things be. As she said, if he needed her, Barom could seek her out. 

He does offer some basic courtesy when he admits, "Sorry, I didn't catch your name. I'm Choi Seunghyun."

"Yu Barom. Nice to meet you."

Seunghyun would pass the name onto Chaerin. 

For some more time, both men continue to stare off into the sky in silence, considering her words deeply. 

Barom doesn't fail to notice that it's the night of a new moon.