Here we go, another lie, another broken promise. Why do you even bother saying yes, when we both know that it won’t happen anyway? I am tired. 

 

How many birthdays, how many anniversaries, I lost count. What I know now is not to put any expectation to every yes that came out from you. 

 

But today is an exception. You are the one asking me to join you for dinner, you are cooking you said. You even took half a day off to come home early and prepare for our dinner. I am happy of course. But I am also tired. I made up my mind Minji, I am sorry but I couldn’t do this anymore.

 

Watching you cooking while humming reminds me of our college years. When we still have a lot of time in our hand and less pressure towards society. We spent time together most of the time. But those moments are long gone the moment we graduate. And you also gradually changed.

 

We ate our dinner, we talked about our days. You tell a story about your project that went well, about how your boss praised you and thinking of giving you a promotion. You happily said that once you get it, we could afford a home of our own. 

 

You also listen to me telling a story about my students. You said they sound lively and would like to meet them one day. I hummed. I am sure you realized that I looked down, you asked if I am okay. I told you I am, just a bit tired. It’s not a lie, I am tired.

 

It was 3 AM, and you are still in deep sleep. I slip out of bed, pulling out the luggage that I prepared the other day. You didn’t even realize that I packed my stuff. I walked out of our bedroom as quiet as possible, not wanting to wake you up. 

 

Standing by the kitchen counter, I take a look around our shared apartment. It was once filled with warmth feelings, but now it’s empty and cold. It holds a memory of both of us, happy, sad, bittersweet. And now I am going to leave it all behind. By the times you wake up, I won’t be by your side anymore. I am sorry.

 

Goodbye, Kim Minji

 

I wrote in a piece of sticky notes I found, and without glancing back I left our apartment.

“Siyeon…” 

“BORA?! What happened to you? It’s 5 in the morning for god sake!” 

 

It was around 5 in the morning when Bora arrived to Siyeon’s share house. She rings the bell, waiting for Siyeon or Yoohyeon, or even Yubin to open up the door. And when Siyeon opened the door, she was so surprised to see a crying Bora, face full of tears, some dried, and but still flowing.

 

“Come in.” Siyeon pulled her inside the house, running to her room to grab some blanket and wrapped the crying girl to warm her up.

“What happened? Why are you here at this time…?”

“I am tired, I cannot take it anymore… I… I left her.”

“Oh…” Siyeon stayed quiet afterwards. She rubs the back of the crying girl, calming her down, whispering that everything will be okay. But on the other side, she is also worrying about another girl.

 

When Bora finally fell asleep, in Siyeon’s bed this time, she went out to the kitchen and saw Yubin sitting there having her morning coffee.

 

“You heard it don’t you?” Siyeon said without looking at the other girl.

“Yah.” Yubin muttered.

“Do you think she will be okay? I know she is a strong woman but still.” 

“She might look strong, but we all know she is not, Siyeon.” Yubin stated matter of factly.

“True…” 

 

The air felt heavy between them, even more heavier when Yoohyeon came into the kitchen and sat beside them with a heavy sigh.

 

“We should go to Minji’s later.” Yoohyeon said.

“We should.” The other two muttered quietly. 

 

But when the three of them went to Minji’s the next day, she was nowhere to be found.

---

It’s been a year since that day. Bora stays with Siyeon, Yubin and Yoohyeon for a few weeks while looking for an apartment. Siyeon told her that she could stay with them, but Bora being Bora, not wanting to disturb them more than she already has, insisted that she wants to stay by herself and will be fine.

 

Siyeon never told her about Minji, she also never told her that they went to visit her, or tried to get in touch with her. But Bora knows that Yubin wouldn’t leave her cousin alone. And they don’t know how, but Bora also found out that Minji has left, left the town, or the country? No one knows.

 

Bora’s life continues, she busies herself with her work. Mostly staying inside when she is not working. She met new friends at work, Handong, the new vocal trainer from China, and Gahyeon, her neighbour. 

 

It’s a lie if she said she never thinks about Minji. Because she does every single day. She is wondering where she is, if she eats healthy, she wonders if she will ever meet her again. 

 

And just like that another year passed. Bora finds out that Minji is back in town, and she is opening a bakery downtown. She overheard it when Yubin talked about it the other day. As much as she is curious about how Minji is doing now, she is afraid of facing her. Bora long forgiven her, but if you are asking if she has moved on? No, she hasn’t.

 

She keeps looking for a time to go see Minji, but she is afraid that if she goes alone, she is going to break down in front of her. So when her co-workers asked her if she wanted to try this bakery downtown, she said yes right away. 

 

“You don’t seem happy going with me.” Jun, her co-worker said when they arrived at the bakery.

“Hush! You know why.” 

“I know, the love of your life that you left alone 2 years ago is the owner of the bakery and you are scared to meet her again. Also because you still love her so much that you are afraid you might cry the moment you see her, so you need me as your mental support.” Jun smirked as he watched Bora’s nose scrunch. 

“Shut up! You don’t need to rub it against my face!” Bora hits his shoulder as he opens the door and they walk into the bakery while laughing.

 

‘Welcome to Minji’s bakery!’

 

Bora heard that, but she pretends that she didn’t and Jun again for that. They walked towards the counter with Bora still keeping her focus on somewhere else but the girl behind the cashier. She looked around the bakery, towards the collection of breads on the displays, and when they arrived at the counter she shifted her focus on the menu, trying to make it look like she was thinking of what to order although she knew she would end up getting the same thing. 

 

She hears Minji’s voice when she is attending Jun’s order, it makes her warm inside. She missed her voice so much and she feels like it never changed, still soft and full of warmth. 

 

“What are you getting?” Jun asked her, so she lifted up her head and looked at Minji. 

“Min...Minji…” She stuttered. 

 

The two of them stare at each other, feeling the surroundings disappeared and only the two of them there. They both miss each other, thinking if the other is doing fine, if the other is happy. 

 

“Baby, Bora?” Jun snapped her out of her trance. She glared at the man for calling her like that, no she doesn't want Minji to think that there’s something between her and Jun, because no there are none.

 

Not wanting to stay longer in these awkward situations she mumbled out her order and distracted herself right away. She walks out ahead of Jun when they get their order, and the moment they get into her car her tears fall. 

 

“You good?” Jun asked, wiping away her tears.

“WHY DID YOU CALL ME THAT BACK THEN?!” Bora punched his arms.

“Well, the two of you stare at each other with eyes full of hearts and it’s disgusting… AND! I called your name but you didn’t hear that I guess.” 

“UGH! Now she will think that we are together.” 

“Well, you left her, what do you expect? She still loves you and wants you back? You broke her heart you know?” 

“Still… Hey… I am broken too.” Bora said, feeling her tears threatening to fall again.

“Stop crying. I can see that she still loves you, the way she stares at you, and her expression when I called you baby? She looks sad, and confused.” Jun squished her arms, assuring her that everything will be okay.

---

*Siyeon calling*

 

“Yes?” 

“You visited her don’t you? Did you do that on purpose? Bora… and you had to bring him along out of everyone.” 

“Hello to you too, Siyeon.” 

“Bora… She called Yubin when you left.” 

“O...Oh…” 

“And it’s not a good sight when we got there.” 

“I…” 

“She misses you.” 

“I… I miss her too, Siyeon. So much that it hurts.” 

 

Siyeon decided to drop the talk and talked about something else instead. Asking how her day goes. And just like that they talked for another hour. 

 

It was around 11:30 and Bora sat on her bed reading a book when her phone rang. ‘Who called? It’s late…’ She mumbled.

 

*unknown number*

 

‘Weird… who?’ She thought to herself, but she picked up the call. Silence. “Hello” She said, but the other line was still silent. “Anyone there?” She asked, slightly annoyed now. But the other line is still in a complete silence. “I swear to God if this is a prank!” Bora exhales.

 

“If you are not planning to say anything, I am hanging up.” Bora was about to hang up the phone when she heard some shuffling noise from the other line. And she also heard someone taking a deep breath, trying to say something. But nothing. That is when she knows, ‘Minji’, she thought. And her own breath hitched.

 

She waited for another minute, but it seems like Minji is not planning to speak up, so she said “I am hanging up”, and she did.

 

She holds her phone tight, she feels like crying. “Why…” She mumbled, “Why you called but you are not saying anything? Why do you have to do this? Why don’t you just forget me, Minji…” she stares at her phone, tears falling down one by one. And that night, she cries herself to sleep.

---

Bora just finished doing her laundry when her phone pings. 

*One message*

 

She opened the message, and it’s a long one. She puts down her mug on the small table and settles herself on the sofa before she starts reading the message. By the time she finished reading it, she cried.  ‘Stupid.’ She muttered. ‘We are both idiots…’ She chuckled, wiping away her tears.

 

So she pressed reply. She knows she doesn't have to, but she wants to. She loves the taller girl as much as the taller girl loves her too. And she knows she will accept the taller girl with open arms if she asks for a second chance. That is how much she loves her still.

 

Minji… Hi…

It’s been 2 years, how are you? You know, I always wonder if you are okay, I always wonder if you eat healthy. 

You know, I hated you, I hated you for always breaking promises, telling me lies. I hated you for not being there when I needed you the most. I hated you for letting me sleep alone at night. And I hated you for not fighting for me when I left you. 

 

Ever since I found out you left the country instead of looking for me, I have tried to come up with hundreds of reasons to hate you more, to forget you. But everytime i think about you I lead you back to my heart.

 

I wish I could unmiss you, reverse the time so I could unmeet you. So I could save myself from this heartbreak. I wish I could undo everything, it would’ve made it so much easier for me.

 

But now, I wish I could reverse the time back to the day I left you. Only this time I will stay, and talk to you instead of leaving. I wish I could be more open of my feelings to you. I never stop loving you. Never once. 

 

I know about you opening your own bakery, I overheard Siyeon and Yubin talking about it the other day. And i visited yesterday on purpose. You never change, still the same Minji that I used to know, and I am glad. 

 

Minji, if ever you asked for a second chance, know that my arms will always be open to accept. That is just how much I still love you. And I hope we can put everything behind us, and start over.

 

Love, Kim Bora