Waking up by kisses was what Sana had never experienced. Slowly stirring up from her dream, Sana smiled as she felt Tzuyu pecking the back of her neck. They were in spooning position, and like always, Sana was the one that being hugged and secured.

“Did I wake you up?”

“Yeah.” Sana found her hand that was on her stomach and gripped. “But I don’t mind it at all.”

Tzuyu pulled her closer and held her tighter. “How are you feeling now?”

“Um…tired?”

“Your mind. How is it feeling?”

Sensing a wiggle, Tzuyu loosened her arms a little to let Sana turn around. Sana cupped her cheek and kissed her on the lips, soft and lingering.

“Settled.” Sana whispered into Tzuyu’s lips. “Filled.”

“You’ve forgiven yourself?”

“I’m trying.” Sana didn’t answer quickly, but she answered.

“But...eventually…I think I will.”

The stars in Tzuyu’s eyes were countable. “You will...come back with me?”

“This is really what you care for the most, huh?”

“You will, right?”

The Tzuyu in front of her was like a stubborn kid. Sana felt the warmth surrounded her heart, she felt herself lucky to have someone being stubborn for her, and because of her.

“You said...it’s home. I have no other places to go. Besides...” Sana’s fingertips Tzuyu’s jawline. “I need to repay what I’ve owed you.”

Tzuyu frowned at those words. “You owe me nothing.”

“I haven’t finished, ok?” Sana smiled. “I need to repay what I’ve owed you...and I’ll repay you with time. Time and promise.”

Time and promise. Tzuyu was obviously touched by that. She leaned in and kissed Sana, feeling their lips match and bond.

“Tzuyu ah.”

“Huh?”

“You really don’t mind…that…I was…” Sana pulled back a little and swallowed. “To you…this was the first time, but to me…”

Tzuyu hushed her with another kiss. A bit forceful, but the gentleness never disappeared.

“I never cling to be the first. You said you’re gonna repay me with time and promise…so I’m gonna cling to be the last.”

“The last?”

“Nobody would replace me if I become the last, right? The last one…the one who is likely forever.”

Forever. It was a heavy word, but if it was Tzuyu who said that, Sana knew she had no reasons to doubt. All she had to do was answering with her actions.

There was once she feared any kind of touch. There was once she got sick whenever she heard people talking about intimacy. Right now, the touch and the intimacy felt more than beautiful.

“Do you mind getting out of the bed?”

The temperature just started to rise and Sana asked between their kisses. It was a bit abrupt since she was lying on Tzuyu, legs tangled and Tzuyu’s palms were every inch of her skin, “I have something I want to share with you.” 

Tzuyu was curious so she nodded in agreement. Sana pecked her lips before rolling down from her, found the bathrobe on the floor and putted it on. She sat down on her heels in front of the small suitcase and opened it. That shoebox was the only thing she needed to take out at this time.

A pair of baby shoes, a notebook and a photo album. As Sana unfolded the photo album, Tzuyu came to sit down beside her, a smile formed on her face the moment she saw the photos.

“It’s you.” Tzuyu chuckled. “You didn’t change much.”

“People said I look like my dad more.” Sana gazed at one of the few family photos. It was her mom, her dad, and the 2 year old her.

“You have his nose and his jawline. But...you have your mother’s eyes.”

Sana did not remember much about her father. He had gone for a long while, but she remembered he used to put her on his shoulders and buy her her favorite balloon. Her mom was smiling in the picture, and Sana finally recalled the last time she saw her smile. Her mom smiled because she saw how happy her daughter was when she received the balloons.

“She made mistakes. She was not a good mom. She caused hurt.” Sana’s vision was slightly fuzzy. “Tzuyu ah...do you think she loved me?”

Tzuyu threw an arm around her torso. “I believe so.” 

“I...I hated her. For doing nothing.”

“There was no wrong to feel hate.”

“I refused to come back when she was sick. I let her die alone.”

“You came back to say goodbye. You did what you could. Even if you feel guilty...I’m still happy for you because you are free.” Tzuyu said with her softest tone. “You can live for yourself now.”

Sana looked up at Tzuyu and bit her lip. Tzuyu’s eyes were telling everything, she knew. She knew Sana had complex feels to her mother. She knew Sana hated her, but felt herself owed her. She knew she ran away from her, but still could not cut ties with her.

All Sana wished was to earn enough money so her mother would willing to leave that house, that man. Meeting Tzuyu was not part of her plan, falling in love was not, either. After meeting Tzuyu, she started to understand that she deserved her own better life. After meeting Tzuyu, the eagerness of getting rid of the past got stronger everyday.

She was stuck between her longing and her sense of responsibility. The sense of responsibility and the shame of her past once pressured her, made her hard to breathe, but now, even if it might sound slightly heartless to her mom, Sana was finally able to follow her longing.  

“Do you want to show me that notebook?”

It was a diary. The pages were already yellow and even had some water stains, but the blue pen handwriting were still visible.

“What is written in it?”

“It’s my mom’s parenting diary.” Sana blinked to make herself see clearer, but she also smiled. “I slept all the way from the hospital to our home. I was tiny like a carrot.”

Tzuyu held her tighter and she kept reading. “I cried whenever the thunders hit. But I would quiet down when my mom held me in her arms and sang a lullaby.”

“Dad bought me a toy soccer on my first birthday. I loved it so much that I would take it to bed every night. One month later, I was playing in the park, and I accidentally kicked it into a pond. I cried so hard.”

“We went to an amusement park when I was three. I ate a big ice cream cone by myself. They asked if I wanted any gifts, I chose balloon. A blue on for dad, an orange one for mom, and a Mickey Mouse one for me.”

The more Sana read, the more she had to pause to