Have you ever heard of "wheel of emotions"? 

According to Mr. Robert Plutchik, a psychologist based in the USA. Our emotions were composed of basic colors just like the color wheel. If we have primary colors such as red, yellow and blue, we also have basic emotions such as joy, sadness, disgust, anticipation, surprise, fear, trust, and anger.

And through this concept, I learned that when emotions combined, this is when we felt different feelings. Just like when colors were mixed to create other shades.

When joy and trust combined, that's when we create the feeling of being in love. And when sadness and disgust combined, that's when we get the feeling of remorse.

"I chose this kind of college degree to avoid math. But why is there so much plus and minus here." Sowon complains while scratching the back of her head.

"I even find it weird when I have to study this building blocks of emotions just to pass our preliminary exam. I thought our psychology subject will be a little easier, why do we need to break down these emotions and write it into papers?" She added.

Umji who keeps trying to study silently across the table, shooks her head when she continously heard her room mate/bff's complains about everything she read in her books.

"Unnie, can you read it silently and stop complaining? Do you remember how you kneeled down in front of your parents just for them to let you take this collage degree instead of business administration that they wanted you to take?"

Umji continously nag like she's the older one in the room when in fact, Sowon is an unnie who was 3 years older than her. It's just that Sowon have to retake a subject that she failed two years in a row which tackles about basic and complex emotions.

"Umji-yah, aren't you sleepy? Wanna grab a coffee with me?"

Sowon invited but before Umji get to answer, she took her phone excitedly to call someone to have a coffee with them. But before she can do so, Umji suddenly took her phone away.

"Yah! give it back to me!" There was annoyance in her voice when she took it back from Umji but the later blocked her hands.

"Unnie, may I know the reason why you wanted to study this course again?"

Sowon thought that Umji took her phone for fun but she felt seriousness on the younger's tone.

"To take care of Eunha" she gave a straight forward answer.

"Then who are you calling at this hour?"

"Eunha" She replied.

"Unnie, please don't misunderstand me when I say this. But if you seriously wanted to help her, then face the reality. You already failed twice, I know you find it hard to understand and believe what was written on the book, but that was the reality. You can't always have fun and always get mad, that's not how emotions work. If you're going to see her, make her smile and laugh, how much do you think it'll last? You're not making her happy, you're just avoiding her reality."

With those words coming from the younger one, she settled on her seat as she gave a long thought about it. She might not fully understand but she somehow knew where are those words coming from.

"It's not that I'm trying to avoid the reality. It's just that I have this useless feeling who can't even describe or read her emotions" She said inside her mind while clenching her fists.

That was 5 years ago when Sowon was diagnosed with Alexithymia. It is a personality trait that was characterized by inability to identify and describe emotions. She would find it difficult to distinguish the emotions of others, that's why sometimes she would sound unempathic with ineffective emotional responses.

Although she struggles a lot in identifying most of emotions, she definitely knew what she wanted. And that was to be on Eunha's side. A bosom friend she cared about the most, in which she can feel two familiar emotions when she's with her. And those emotions are joy and fear.

If there is something she can describe herself, she describe her as a pale rainbow. Not because she've got no shining colors in her. But she believe that she's a young wanderer who was yet to discover her hues.