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Lucille’s phone buzzed in her tote bag for the sixth time that day, but she made no move to answer it. She already knew it was her Aunt Hyori. The woman had been calling her for the last four days, but Lucille had been ignoring her.

Hyori wasn’t the only one being ignored though. Taehyung was currently receiving the same treatment.

There was something about the exchange at the mall a few days ago that left a bitter taste in her mind. It made her stomach twist, leaving her with a sour feeling; something that she had been wrestling with for the last decade of her life. Each time that memory was brought up, the moment her grandmother was berated and fired outside of the Kim home, she felt a painful pang vibrate in her tummy. It always bubbled up into a boil and simmered into a guilt that Lucille couldn’t shake for days.

And really, that was the crux of all of this: Guilt.

When she was seven, her parents decided to take her to South Korea to meet her grandmother and aunt for the first time. It had been a long-awaited trip as the family had only been able to see the newest bundle of joy through photos and videos sent through e-mail. She had other family sprawled across South Korea, some she hadn’t even met until this day, but her grandmother and aunt had been the most excited to meet her.

She was spoiled rotten for the first week of the trip. Lucille remembered those days vividly. How her grandmother held her for long hours, how her aunt peppered her forehead with kisses. How her dad would scold them for allowing Lucille to get away with so much but secretly he loved it. They all did.

Then the fever hit. Lucille came down with the flu but her fever skyrocketed to something dangerous. She doesn’t remember much of the day the accident happened. She’s sure she’s blocked out the memories, but she remembered her grandmother wrapping her in a blanket and kissing her forehead as she put her in the backseat of the car. She remembered her mother slipping in the passenger seat, her brown skin glowing against the gold ensemble she was wearing, reaching back and rubbing Lucille’s cheek. She remembered her father glancing at her in the rear-view mirror and smiling and saying, “You’re going to feel better soon, Luci-caboosie.”

And then they began arguing about something. Something Lucille knew wasn’t important. Not important enough to not be paying attention to the road.  Had her parents taken a moment to survey their surroundings, they would have seen the truck coming.

Her mother died first. The doctors said her injuries were far too severe to survive and even if she did, she would have been a vegetable for the rest of her life. Lucille never got a chance to say goodbye. They refused to let her in the hospital room as her mother succumbed to her brain damage.

Her father passed a month later. They say he would have survived; he could have made it. He had been doing good, attending physical therapy. If he had just held on and put up a little fight a little longer, he’d be standing next to Lucille today but after hearing of his wife’s passing, any fight he had left in him quickly vanished, being replaced with a sinking grief that ultimately took his life. Lucille’s grandmother always told her that her father died of a broken heart and looking back, Lucille realized that wasn’t far from the truth.

Lucille suffered from the least amount of damage. Physically, of course. Mentally, however, she would never heal.

She knew it may not have been logical, but the math added up. If she had never gotten sick, her parents would be alive. Her grandmother would still have a job and her Aunt Hyori wouldn’t resent her so damn much.

Lucille could feel it, the sting of tears burning at the back of her eyes, but she bit down hard on her bottom lip to suppress them. She didn’t want to cry today.  Even though the universe was giving her every reason to cry.

Her day had been .

When she returned home from the mall that evening, she found her Macbook unresponsive with a blue screen of death. She made effort after effort to rectify it, but nothing seemed to work. Eventually, she took it to the nearest repair shop which is where she was walking home from now.

The damage? One thousand dollars.

One thousand dollars that Lucille did not have and would never have since her Macbook was responsible for a large portion of her income. Her freelancing business had been on her computer and that meant she would be losing out on some very much-needed money.

it. She was going to cry.

The tears came in a rush and Lucille didn’t bother wiping them away. Her vision blurred as the salty tears clouded her eyes and she could barely make out the tall figure standing outside of her apartment building’s doors. It looked like they had been there awhile, waiting for someone.

She used the back of her hand to wipe her eyes and saw who it was.

Taehyung.

He was the last person she wanted to see right now.

Lucille paused, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. She had planned on breezing right past him. She wanted to pretend as if she had never seen him, but he stopped her as she got close. He reached out, placing a gentle touch on her arm and she snatched away from him, fury in her eyes.

“What do you want, Taehyung?”

He blinked, but his gaze wasn’t one of surprise. He behaved as if he was expecting her tempestuous reaction. “Lucille, I just came to say that –”

“That what, Taehyung? You’re sorry for making me feel like with my aunt at the mall on Sunday? That you’re sorry for being a rich boy who’s out of ing touch? You’re sorry for getting my grandmother fired? What? What is it?” Lucille hissed.

“No, I just wanted to –”

“Because unlike you, Taehyung, I have real problems right now. I am barely surviving in a place where it seems no one wants me and where I’m clearly not needed. So I have to go upstairs and figure out how I’m going to eat for the next few weeks since I just lost the one thing bringing in the bulk of my money!” Lucille’s tears were rushing out of her now and she struggled to catch her breath, her voice came out in shrill hiccups. She took a deep breath, attempting to calm herself down but it was useless. Lucille placed her face in the palm of her hands.

“Lucille,” Taehyung began but stopped. She had crumbled in front of him and now she was more embarrassed than ever. Her mind began racing with ways she could return to the States. She still had her mother’s family there. And if not her family, her friends would gladly allow her to sleep on their couch until she got back on her feet.

Just as the thought of using the last of her savings to buy a plane ticket crossed her mind, she felt the warm embrace of a hug. Taehyung had wrapped his arms around her, and she didn’t fight it.

He held her close, taking in her scent of lavender and jasmine. He rubbed her back soothingly, and said, “Lucille, I did come to apologize.  I didn’t agree with a single thing your aunt said on Sunday, please believe me. I just didn’t know how to respond; it was so awkward.”

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