Previously...

When it was time for them to walk home, they exited the restaurant and Jaejoong could see Yunho from the corner of his eyes. As he was saluting his friends, he bowed to them awkwardly and widened his eyes when the man leaned over to kiss him. He simply put a hand on his chest and pushed him backwards, smiling awkwardly to his friends and telling them to take care of him because he was obviously drunk. As soon as they were lost from his eye sight, he walked towards Yunho, hoping he hadn't seen anything. For Yunho it was all morals and ethics. He never approved of such a life, he even got angry whenever Jaejoong got drunk.

"Uhm... So would you like to stay at the bar?" He asked while rubbing the back of his neck nervously, not even daring to look at the younger in the eye.

Y U N H O

In his own mind, Yunho made himself believe that Jaejoong was better off with someone other than him, someone who he didn't have to hide with when they're out in public, someone who made him happier than Yunho could. But for some reason, watching him that night with his own two eyes, seeing the man feel up Jaejoong was almost infuriating and really difficult to watch. There were so many instances through the night where Yunho was ready to set that guy straight. But he was not in the place to do so... After all, it was a date. It was Jaejoong's date. Yunho only ever pictured YunJae. That's what he always thought of, Yunho with Jaejoong and Jaejoong with Yunho. But seeing him with someone else made his dream feel much more distance that it had already become in the last few years.

Yunho impatiently watched the door, waiting for Jaejoong to return to his sight. He saw Jaejoong in an instant when he walked out with his friends and Yunho's heart leaped, but what he saw next, broke him even more. They kissed. Yunho turned away to give privacy until he heard the older man's voice behind him. Turning around he spoke up, "Hm? O-oh, I was going to invite you to have drinks at my new place down the street but I don't think your boyfriend would be too happy... We can stay at the bar." He nodded and forced a smile before walking back into the bar, leaving Jaejoong out front.

As he walked in, he immediately called out for a beer, sitting right up at the bar and taking a swig of his drink. "I'm happy for you, I really am." He said softly without making eye contact with Jaejoong.

J A E J O O N G

Jaejoong was never able to figure out the scary and complicated place that was Yunho's mind. No matter how much time he spent with him, Yunho's moves and words were always calculated even if they were few. Maybe it was because Yunho was a truly intelligent person. After all, he initially wanted to become a lawyer. Jaejoong couldn't blame him, it was obvious by the way he acted that he was too smart. He had the whole package a woman would want a man to have. The older was positive that Yunho would make a great husband and an even greater father in the future. And of curse Jaejoong's envy of his future wife would be limitless. That woman would be the luckiest in the whole universe, no doubt about it.

Jaejoong was taken aback by Yunho's words. Not the part that he wanted to drink with him in his own home. If it was someone else, he would think of the idea as provocative, any other men would have less honorable intentions but Yunho wasn't like that. The part that surprised him was that he mentioned his 'boyfriend'.

"He's not my-" But Yunho had left before Jaejoong was able to explain the situation. He knew that Yunho would care less about it but he felt the need to explain. Jaejoong was a shy person though, especially when he was turned down by other people. So he went to sit next to Yunho in silence, as he thought of what to say next. He had never been as smart as Yunho when it came to expressing his thoughts. "It's not like that. We don't have anything going on... It was a one time thing. I guess the rumors about me are true...", he looked at the floor, his voice barely audible as he referred to the recent rumors that no one had evidence that wanted the famous idol to sleep around with men.

Y U N H O

Ordering him a beer, Yunho placed it in front of Jaejoong and sighed slightly relieved at what he had just heard before turning to face him, taking the older's hands in his own carefully. "Hey look... I know you're not a man . Kim Jaejoong, rumors are just rumors unless you go out there and make it true. But I know you have respect for yourself... I just know you do." Not wanting to let go of his hands, he released one and reached for the bottle, taking another sip before going back to take both his hands in his own.

"And if it makes you feel any better, even if you were a man , I wouldn't think of you less. Plus how can you tell they're the one unless you've experienced many, right?" Yunho chuckled lightly to himself, trying to reassure the other even though they both were well aware that messing around wasn't really the best way around finding real true love.

Yunho, on the other hand, believed that he had found it. Years ago in that practice room when they first met. Everyone else had left for the day and it was just the two of them. Jaejoong stayed behind to practice. He was motivated and determined. Yunho just stayed behind to watch him because there was nothing more attractive than watching a man working hard towards his dream. Before Jaejoong, Yunho had always identified as straight, though it always felt like there was something missing. And somehow even just looking at Jaejoong, Yunho felt like he found everything he was looking for. Every night after that, it became their routine. Jaejoong practicing and Yunho watching. Making sure to take care of his hyung as they walked in the cold night back to their dorm. Eventually time went on and their interactions with one another grew. It were these moments where Yunho felt like time had stopped. Just for the two of them.

J A E J O O N G

Jaejoong would never think that being comforted by Yunho would hurt so much. Especially after he realized how high the younger thought of him, thinking that Jaejoong would never sleep around with strangers because he respected himself. And the worst thing was that Jaejoong couldn't find it in himself to explain the real truth to Yunho. It was exactly like telling his younger sister that Santa Claus didn't exist. Yunho was a pure man in a harsh world. Jaejoong didn't deserve to be with him. Yunho deserved the best in every aspect of his life. A kind woman with manners just like his, who respected him, loved him and had the ability to provide him with a child. Out of all those things, Jaejoong could only guarantee the part that he truly loved Yunho, no matter how much he tried not to.

Even if Yunho kept talking, probably realizing his mistake and trying to reassure Jaejoong, he didn't believe him. The younger had always been so kind to everyone. He hated hurting and never insulted anyone around him.

"Yunho, don't like. You've never been great at it." He finally said after taking a deep breath, holding on to the glass of beer as if his life depended on it. "I... Those rumors are true. I'm not like you, I've never been attracted to women before. And ever since I left SM... It had been easier to find... Companions?" Jaejoong muttered the last word, questioning himself as well since he didn't know how he was supposed to describe the situation in a way that wouldn't offend Yunho. But he still couldn't face him.

Y U N H O

"It doesn't hurt to try, right?" He smiled weakly as he squeezed Jaejoong's hand gently. The words that slipped out of Jae's mouth hit Yunho like a ton of bricks. Even just looking at him... He looked defeated. And all Yunho wanted to do was to kiss him and tell that he will be there for him. But again, Yunho had to hold it back because it wasn't his place. They were not together. Though these feelings were familiar, they were at the same time unfamiliar. It had simply been too long.

Yunho surprised himself as he cupped the olders face, "Hyung..", he began. He only called Jaejoong 'hyung' when he really wanted to be heard out and if it was serious. "I told you that rumors are only rumors until you prove it, right? Prove them wrong! I know you can, and I'm being truthful here. I can bet you there's at least one man out there would be just as happy to be with you and make your whole world." Yunho sighed knowing it wouldn't be him, his voice faltering at the last sentence.

J A E J O O N G

In fact it did hurt to try and Jaejoong was sure about it. Also the weak smile of Yunho's was proof against his own words. But Jaejoong chose to remain silent and just appreciate the fact that Yunho was making an effort to comfort him just like the old times. He hadn't changed at all. Still so honest for his feelings just like an innocent child that could never lie for more than a few seconds. Yunho had a pure heart and Jaejoong was certain that he would kill anyone who dared to ever hurt him.

As soon as he felt warmth around his cheeks and heard the other's voice, Jaejoong's body froze. He still couldn't look up to Yunho as he listened to his words carefully. Even if Yunho was trying to comfort him, his chest hurt like never before. After all, he was wrong. Yunho wasn't trying to get back together with him. He was acting like a friend. Even mentioning that Jaejoong should be with someone soon.

"This man wouldn't be happy with me though. But he made my world whole once. I was really happy then. Yunho, don't try to advice me. It's not like you've found the right one. Or... Have you?", he asked, thinking that Yunho was giving advice because he was making his intro to confess to Jaejoong that he indeed found someone and that his advice was based on real like experience. "Seulgi then?", he gulped nervously and used all of his emotional strength as he took a deep breath and pushed Yunho's hands away.

Y U N H O

"I... Found the right one... I was just stupid enough to let them go... I don't know if they will ever take me back." Yunho sighed and bit his lower lip, trying to make sense of the conversation. A little hurt from Jaejoong's actions, he folded his hands together on his lap to contain himself from touching the other again. "Seulgi? No...", he shook his head and opened his mouth to speak but he was unable to form proper sentences, "Jaejoong.. I-I", he gulped. "Never mind."

Yunho didn't imagine their first meeting after so long to be like this. The usual charismatic Jung Yunho felt weak in this situation. The way Yunho had imagined this, was that Yunho would confess with confidence and practically sweep the older off his feet and then it would be a happily ever after type of story. But that's not how right now felt. Yunho couldn't form his words properly enough, he couldn't even contain his emotions. He didn't think as far as Jaejoong actually accepting the invitation to go for drinks because he was so convinced it would be a hard no. He wanted to say something. He just wasn't sure how .

J  A E J O O N G

Jaejoong instantly felt anger towards the person who made Yunho feel doubt about himself About getting back together. Or maybe he felt so angry because deep down he truly envied this person who was about to win Yunho's interest and his heart. If Yunho was gay, Jaejoong would dare to think that maybe this one was a hint about him, about the only homoual relationship Yunho had. But they had talked about this and before Jaejoong, Yunho showed no interest to any other men. And just because they were in a relationship once, it didn't make him gay. What hurt the most was that Jaejoong was and he knew that even if he lied to Yunho before, when he was still unable to face his own feelings.

Seeing Yunho so sad and weak all of a sudden made Jaejoong's stomach clench in response. He couldn't bear the sight in front of him, he instantly wanted to comfort the younger. "Have you heard 'Nine'?" The words suddenly left his lips without him realizing it and unfortunately  he couldn't take them back. To be honest, he had wanted to tell Yunho about it ever since he wrote the song. But apparently both him and Changmin had their phone numbers changed so it was impossible to contact him in any way. That was when he gave up.

Y U N H O

His lips curved into the tiniest smile at the mention of 'Nine'. Something about the song brought a familiar and nostalgic feeling, he just couldn't quite figure out why. Yunho nodded his head before casually taking another sip of his beer. "It's a very beautiful song. But what else can I expect? The composer is just as beautiful. But can I ask... What's the song about?" He fumbled nervously with his fingers, half anticipating a confession.

J A E J O O N G

Jaejoong would've smiled at the compliment if he wasn't busy trying to think of a way to explain why head mentioned the song to Yunho. There was no turning back now, he had to tell him the truth. "You," he blurted as he turned to look at Yunho in the eye finally. "I told the reporters that it was about DBSK but at that time I had only known you for 9 years. We had met a year sooner than with the rest of the members. I tried to contact you and Changmin because I was excited to share the song with you but you'd never pick up..."

Y U N H O

Taken aback, his heart skipped a beat when Jaejoong said the song was about him. Yunho blinked at the older, quickly trying to gather his thoughts. "M-Me? I.." With his heart beating faster than ever, he looked at Jaejong with amazement as he explained the sentiment behind the song. He felt his heart sank as soon as he heard that Jaejoong had tried to contact him.

"I'm sorry you weren't able to reach me and I'm sorry I wasn't there to listen to the song with you.." he contemplated his next move as he caressed Jaejoong's cheek gently. "I..." He began but figured that actions speak louder than words, so he leaned in and planted a kiss on Jaejoong's soft lips. This. This is what he longed for. He waited for the day where he would be able to hug and kiss Jaejoong again, the only love he's really ever known.

A/N:

aahhh!!!! a kiss!!!! even the smallest cute interaction between these two make my heart flutter. This chapter definitely gave a little more of their inner most feelings. The things they wish to say and do to each other and the things they actually said. I'm pretty sure if they were both bold and brave, they would've confessed right then and there lol

also heads up: in the  next chapter

preview...

"Let's go to your place." Jaejoong stated after a lot of thought.

"It's you I've let go, and I won't let that happen again."

"Will you be my boyfriend?"