Hello, reaper.
Have we met?
Still so many things I haven't said.

Minjoo remains frozen, waves of nostalgia washes over every fiber of her being – she forcefully swallows hundreds of unspoken words that are threatening to spill, unshared sentiments that have never once left her mind amidst the years that have passed by. Dreadful years that were spent doing what she’s supposed to do, desperately clinging to the tiny shred of hope that one day, she’d be able to talk to her again. As a soul guide, she has been told that time flows differently in the afterlife – faster – yet, it didn’t exactly do much in taking the girl off her mind. Not a single day passes by that Minjoo doesn’t look forward to visiting her, albeit she’s aware that it’s impossible for them to actually interact. Everyday, she makes sure to come by to take a glance at the girl even just for a few minutes – there isn’t any rule against it written on the soul guide handbook anyway. Honestly, she knows she’s acting like a creep, but if it’s such a wrong thing to do, then they would have banned it, right? They didn’t, so why wouldn’t she use the only perk she got as an apprentice of death?

When their eyes lock, Minjoo couldn’t stop herself from staring too much, memorizing every detail of the girl wearing casual clothes – wispy bangs framing her small face, loose soft black curls cascading down her back, bearing a black turtleneck long sleeves under a grey coat – she looks just as she always did whenever Minjoo would visit the mortal realm and take a peek at the mundane daily life of the girl. Except this time, she’s genuinely smiling – gone are the seemingly-rehearsed smiles she'd give people for pleasantries - a smile that has nothing to do with just being polite. Her oh-so-familiar dark hazelnut orbs lit up, lips stretching into a subtle smile as she cracks a light-hearted joke, “Are handshakes not a thing here?”

“Right, here. You are here,” Minjoo mentally notes, her brain still on a daze, unable to process the fact that she’s finally talking to the girl again. No more of those stalker-ish slash borderline creepy daily visits consisting of her just longingly staring at the girl from afar, as if afraid that she might notice her presence. (Which is crazy, because that’s clearly impossible.)

Kim Chaewon is here, she stands just a couple of inches away from her – her arm stretched-out, offering her a helping hand. Minjoo remains seated on the ground – unmoving as she blankly stares at the other girl, as if waiting for something to happen. It has taken her everything not to immediately engulf the girl into a bone-crushing hug, embrace her like it would be the last moment they’d ever share in this lifetime. No, erase that. Minjoo knows that it would be indeed their last chance, she has been waiting for this – restlessly thinking of what she should do when this most-awaited moment finally comes, yet when she takes in the sight of those freakin’ dark brown eyes that she has always found gorgeous – she finds herself tongue-tied, unable to form any coherent words.

Minjoo isn’t asking for much, in fact she doesn’t even know what she wants herself? A proper farewell, a bit more time with her? Who knows?

She pushes her stream of thoughts to the back of her mind, a breathy laugh escaping as she reaches for Chaewon’s hand – standing up – Minjoo’s hand unconsciously lingers a tad bit too long. Very much afraid that if she lets go, the girl would disappear – and if that happens, she wouldn’t know what to do. Not after finally meeting her again.

If there’s one thing that her time as a soul guide has taught her, it’s the indomitable fact that what’s done is done – there’s no going back. All she could ever do is to grit her teeth and swear that next time, she’ll do better. Her next time has arrived, so she smiles – completely ready to give it another try. Hoping that this time she’d have no regrets, she cheerfully beams, “Hello, Chaewon-ssi!”

Leaving is easy, but what comes after? Minjoo knows way too well what comes after – nothing.

As someone who has spent more time inside the hospital than her own home, Minjoo has always been aware of the lurking possibility that today might be her last day. Her whole life, she has been playing a game of tag with good ol’ death – the horrendous entity constantly chasing her each day, reminding her of the mark she has received upon her birth. Said mark comes in a form of a disease, one that she couldn’t outrun no matter how hard she tries. She isn’t that much of a runner to begin with, any strenuous activity has always been forbidden for her – and deep inside, she knows that one day, death would finally catch up to her.

And truth be told, she isn’t that afraid of it; she instead chooses to see the brighter side of life. Despite her seemingly hopeless and worsening situation, she would keep on insisting that it can’t be that bad – it’s just how it is. Accepting that she’s more likely to die young undeniably sounds morbid, but that’s Minjoo’s reality – one that has been metaphorically carved on her stone of life upon the very beginning of her existence. A truth that she’d rather not think about too much, she instead continues existing – one day at a time – and she’s endlessly grateful for every second, every minute, every hour and every day she’d get.

Especially when it’s spent with her friend who goes by the name Kim Chaewon, a constant in her life amidst the uncertainties that Minjoo faces every day. The once cry-baby who has grown up into the warmest, softest, brightest girl she has ever met. With her condition, it’s not like she has met a lot of people though, but she’s willing to bet that Chaewon is one of the best persons out there – their twelve years of beautiful friendship could attest to her claims. Albeit, the girl always appears cheerful, Minjoo knows that behind those smiles lies a girl who’s terrified of whatever tomorrow may bring; yet whenever Minjoo herself starts to doubt her oh-so-optimistic beliefs; Chaewon would always be there.

Sincere words falling out of , giving Minjoo a sense of reassurance that she didn’t even know she needed, “Min, you’ve always seen the best part of the situation.”

Minjoo would simply blink back, unsure of what she should say – skeptical whether it’s even possible to continue seeing the best part of this oh-so-freaking-good-life, but before she could even utter a word, Chaewon would interrupt. With a tender smile painted across her lips, she’d add, “Min, that’s only because you’ve always been the best.”

And maybe somewhere along the way, Minjoo just unconsciously falls for the girl’s smile and everything that comes with it. Or, she has always thought she wouldn’t mind leaving this world early, but Chaewon makes her think otherwise.

Minjoo has always thought she’s ready to leave – it turns out, one would just never be ready.

She learns it first-hand when she wakes up with an unending white room, lost and confused with what’s going on – a clench in her heart as memories of the girl named Kim Chaewon flashes over her mind. Minjoo clutches her chest, an attempt to stop whatever this awful feeling is. Unable to comprehend anything, she falls on her knees – she wants to beg whoever god is out there to just make it vanish. Just make it stop, make it stop, make it stop. “Please, make it stop,” she pleads to no one in particular.

“Minjoo-ssi, close your eyes,” Helpless, Minjoo doesn’t complain nor ask further and simply obliges with the voice of an unknown woman. The stranger continues, “Now, take a deep breath. Count.” Minjoo follows suit, carefully counting inside her head as her breathing slowly evens out, the pain in her chest mellows down into a dull ache.

She raises her head and fully takes in the sight of the stranger, a woman around her age, bearing a fancy-looking black suit, a classic fedora hat lowered down that it partially covers her face. As if the cogs of her mind have finally resumed their operation, realization dawns on her, mentally noting, “Oh, a grim reaper. I’ve died.”

“Minjoo-ssi, I’m Lee Sian. Welcome to the afterlife,” the woman takes off her fedora hat, a friendly smile plastered across her face. She lowers herself to the ground, giving Minjoo’s shoulder a soft pat; her eyes filled with something that could be described as pity, no something way more than that – empathy? A melancholic look that depicts understanding, maybe due to a similar situation? Minjoo doesn’t know, all she could do is guess, but it’s not like she’s in any position to be nosy regarding someone else’s business.

“You’re a grim re-,” Minjoo couldn’t even finish her sentence when Sian immediately corrects her. “Soul Guide. I’m a Soul guide,” the girl simply says, helping Minjoo to stand up.

“Uhm, okay?” Minjoo reluctantly asks, bewildered with what’s unfolding within her current situation. Luckily, the soul guide generously offers an explanation, “You’ve been hired!”

Minjoo tilts her head, confused with the girl’s answer. She may not remember much except her own name and this one girl – Kim Chaewon – who seems to have meant a lot to her, but it doesn’t take a genius to know that the grim re-, fine, soul guides aren’t supposed to be handing out jobs to random souls out of nowhere. Or, do they? Is that how it works here?

“You see, there are rules here…” Noticing that Minjoo seems to have a lot of questions forming inside her mind, Sian jumps in, interrupting the other girl’s train of thoughts. She starts explaining the three general rules that death has – quite short and simple, but not really.

First, to leave all the complications and hassle the living brings, all memories and attachments to the mortal world are wiped clean.

Second, two things remain clear in one’s mind – the fact that they have died and their full name.

Lastly, one could remember a strong feeling that they would need to come to terms with before they could pass on to the next stage of afterlife.

“The third rule pretty much talks about emotional wounds, quite angsty, I know, I know. Whoever’s up there seems to like angst…” Sian points her finger up, as if whining to whoever is indeed up there, slightly shaking her head in disapproval as she continues explaining. The more Minjoo listens to the soul guide, the more confused she gets though, so she decides to chime in, “Wait…why do I remember things aside from my name? To be more specific…someone?”

“Sometimes, it happens. Something like some sort of error in the system,” The soul guide further discusses the rare occurrence, and Minjoo simply remains quiet as she tries to process all the information being laid out for her.

Apparently, even afterlife isn’t safe from system errors – rarely, something like a malware happens. A small crack forms in between the different realms, no one knows exactly the reasoning behind, it just happens. And when it does, memories begin to sip in right through the cracks, a clear violation of the first rule of afterlife. Sian off-handedly snickers, although her expression shows that she’s partly frustrated for real. “Those hags up there should seriously update the system or something.”

“Am I…being punished then? For remembering?” Minjoo hesitantly asks, the volume of her voice significantly lessens at the latter part of her question as if it’s something she shouldn’t have asked. Without missing a beat, the soul guide immediately retorts, “Hell, no??? It’s not our fault that the system is trash!!!”

Minjoo silently notes how the soul guide seems to despise the system, she clearly did hear her say “our” as well, indicating that she’s another unfortunate victim of the freakin’ system error. Minjoo tries to not-so-subtly probe further, “Then…do you remember why you’re stuck here?”

Sian gives her a tight-lipped smile, thinking of ways how to thoroughly explain such an important part of working as a soul guide. She didn't receive any memo as to how she's supposed to deal with a nosy applicant - not that the girl is a willing applicant to begin with, but it's not like she has much of a choice anyway.

Minjoo is certainly not the first 'baby' soul guide that has been assigned to Sian, but she's the first one for this decade. The previous one she had is quite odd, that girl just accepted the role without asking any questions - she just quietly did her job according to the instructions until she eventually got transferred to another department.

Sian wonders if that kid is still around - the girl doesn't talk much and seems like she hates everything and everyone most of the time, but she's not that bad. Heck, she'd probably take back that grumpy kid anytime instead of having to go through with this new soul guide's questions. She understands her though, but Minjoo reminds her of herself too much, so she's starting to just….feel so sorry for the girl.

"I wish you don't get stuck here for too long," Sian doesn't say it out loud, but she wordlessly hopes for the best - she just doesn't want anyone to go through the things she's still facing until now.

Unsure of what to say, Sian sighs and opts out to just go with the most honest answer she could think of at the moment. One could never go wrong with the truth, right? Then go for it! "Actually, that's the thing. We, soul guides remember bits of our past, but we still don't know for sure what's holding us back."

Right, freaking third rule.

As if when an oh-so-rare and oh-so-special situation occurs, a blaring sign comes out - massive and typed in all caps,"CAUTION! A SYSTEM ERROR HAS BEEN DETECTED!"

When such a thing happens, the soul's treatment needs to be stopped - their existing memories of the mortal world would produce too many complications and countless problems that would surely drive the entire process into failure. While the treatment is on halt, they become soul guides themselves - doing what they are supposed to do without talking too much - bounded by rules that disable them from ever mentioning their past lives.

“Yeah, but I didn’t even get enough time to understand it. We were young, and she had to go somewhere far.” Chaewon speaks, her voice laced with a certain amount of longing, it almost sounds sad - defeated, hopeless, a feeling Minjoo knows way too well.

It's today. Chaewon's time has come, and the soul guide knows that what's about to come is impossible to stop. Twelve minutes.

Just in twelve minutes, Chaewon's breathing would cease.

Time is a ruthless thief, in mere twelve minutes, it would rob Chaewon off everything - things she has spent her whole life working for, and things she could ever dream of achieving. Soon, just like Minjoo - she'd be nothing. The soul guide wants to curse all the gods out there, wreak havoc in the afterlife, destroy the whole system or whatever fancy term they prefer to call it, but she knows that would be a fruitless ordeal - she'd be seen just as a soul guide throwing tantrums, because she can't accept reality.

It wouldn't change anything - that's just how it is, how it has been for her, and how it would also be for Chaewon. For the first time in years, maybe Minjoo finds something she wants to do - give Chaewon a comforting hug.

Quite funny, actually. People would say, "Life starts at forty," yet here they are. Minjoo's life ended at seventeen, she's not a math genius, but it doesn't take one to know that it's not even half of forty. The concept of love or whatever people may call it has never even occurred to her before, just gone too soon - too young to understand anything, too young to grasp the reasons as to why her chest would clench every time she'd see Chaewon.

Farewell hurts, so it’s normal to not want to say goodbye ever again – but it turns out, being unable to say goodbye at all is worse.

Some people would probably insist that dying at seventeen sounds horrible enough - the worst - but Minjoo would say that realizing you're in love with your friend after passing away would be a good contender.

And here at twenty-three, Chaewon's life is about to reach its conclusion - oh at least, it did reach half the quota, but it obviously doesn't make much of a difference. Minjoo can’t do anything, because the fact that soul guides are bounded by a set of special rules still stands. They are not allowed to talk about their memories, let alone interfere with a mortal’s life. If they do, they’d face a consequence – they wouldn’t be able to move on to the next stage of afterlife for eternity.

She can't take that risk - she wouldn't - not for her, and especially not for Chaewon.

Upon the mention of the nickname, Chaewon grabs ahold of the soul guide’s coat, pulling her closer. As realization sinks in, things start to make sense and she feels incredibly dumb for taking this long. “Min..” Chaewon wants to say something, but stops when she casts a glance at the older soul guide – Sian – a gentle smile on her face, index finger raised against her lips with a light shake of her head, a silent warning. “Don’t.”

Sian knows she’s being too biased, but she just couldn’t help it. She has taken a liking to the these two not-so-young girls for some reasons – perhaps she’s projecting herself and her failed love story too much on them – but that’s not what this is about, this isn’t her story. Point is, she wants them to be happy. The soul guide is even willing to give them a bit of assistance, completely free of charge! She’s such a nice senior, right?!

She wouldn’t let them become too carried away, Sian takes it upon herself to make sure that they won’t unconsciously say dumb stuff. Death sunbaenim is an arrogant jerk, it’s too simple minded – such a er for rules. The senior soul guide knows that the moment Chaewon brings up their past lives, that inconsiderate creep wouldn’t think twice about punishing them. As much as Sian likes the idea of having more soul guides helping her, she wouldn’t want them be stuck on the afterlife. She has been here for two decades, and she knows how excruciating each day is – staying here for eternity would be too much of a fate that no one deserves to be subjected to!

She isn’t supposed to help them or anything, but in her defense, it’s not like she’s breaking any rule – she’s merely gesturing for Chaewon to keep quiet. She has read the How-To-Be-A-Soul-Guide Handbook so many times, even had it memorized because she’s too bored – she’s pretty sure there’s no section that forbids giving vague gestures. Also, it still depends on Chaewon whether she’d follow her advice. The soul guide crosses her fingers, hoping that the girl would get it. For someone who seems to hate the gods or whom she fondly calls hags up there, Sian surely does seem to believe in the power of prayers. Or, maybe she’s just that desperate because she mentally prays over and over again, “God, please bless this child with wisdom. May she not say something dumb, just a bit more…”

“Chae, time’s up.”

Luckily, Chaewon doesn’t say anything; she wipes the tears off her face, trying to appear a bit more composed. She lets go of Minjoo, a placid smile painted across her lips – if this is how their story would conclude, then she’d at least try to end it on a happy note. It’s enough, this is enough for her. She can’t be too greedy; she needs to accept this proper farewell and go her merry way.

Except, she doesn’t – and she no longer have to.

Amidst the crowd of people boarding the train, a gleaming light coming from Minjoo’s coat stands out – her silver pocket watch is...glowing? As if the world is suddenly on pause, all eyes are now focused on them. Sian disturbs the peace with her loud voice, “God, not another one!”

Biting back a smile, the senior soul guide walks towards Minjoo, asking for the girl to hand over her silver pocket watch. Minjoo simply obeys, clueless with what’s happening – this is certainly not written on her job description and she definitely didn’t receive any orientation about this. “Told ya so! We’re too damn good at our jobs! See, another soul guide accidentally settles her business!” Sian sighs, although the chirpiness in her voice suggests the obvious fact that she’s quite glad – delighted even. Hell yeah, very much delighted.

Minjoo’s eyes widen, mouth agape, unable to process the words of the senior soul guide – that’s it? Of course, she’s just as happy, but it just feels a bit...anti-climactic? Heck, she doesn’t even understand what happened. Just what? Why? How? Is this another system error?!

As if she could hear the girl’s thoughts, Sian gives her an oh-so-simple and oh-so-boring answer, “A hug, that’s all you wanted.” Sian takes a white rose from the inside of her coat and gives it to Minjoo, the girl is still on a daze, but takes it anyway. The senior soul guide continues, “Finally, time’s up for you too.”

Sian quietly watches as the two girls board the train – hands intertwined, their lips curled up, unwavering smiles befitting such a joyous moment. The senior soul guide throws her head back, looking towards the quickly changing hue of the sky. Gone is the beautiful blue as the upper limb of the sun disappears below the horizon – sunset has never looked this beautiful – yeah, orange is such a happy color.

After the tiring twenty years of working as a soul guide, something inside her begins to flicker again – a spark – the last hope that she’s been holding to slowly lights up again. Sian thought that it has completely faded into darkness, buried by the two decades spent without her – it really sounds silly now. Right, she didn’t wait this long just to give up. Just like Minjoo and Chaewon, she’d get her happy ending as well. She doesn’t know when exactly, but she would, she deserves it – after serving as a soul guide for so long, the gods out there owe her that much. That’s not too much to ask for, right?

Life doesn’t always provide answers, death doesn’t either – but maybe, it doesn’t have to be as sad as everyone presumes it to be.

Minjoo wakes up to an empty bed, a subtle pout immediately forming as the absence of her favorite person dawns on her. She drowsily walks out of their bedroom, sleepiness still apparent on her half-closed eyes and messy hair. A soft humming could be heard from their kitchen, it immediately brings a small smile to her, sleepiness entirely leaves her body as the corner of her lips unconsciously tug upward upon the sight of Chaewon who’s more effective than any coffee out there. Her much needed daily dose of happiness comes in the form of a girl wearing a white knitted sweater, a pink apron wrapped around her body, her hair up in a messy bun, and her eyes focused on the pancakes she’s making.

When Chaewon notices her, she gestures for her to sit down on the kitchen’s nook – then the girl proceeds to finishing what she’s doing before coming back to the nook, bringing two plates of pancakes with her. She cheerfully greets Minjoo, “Good morning, Mrs. Kim!”

Minjoo chuckles at her wife’s usual playful greeting, but follows suit anyway. “Good morning to you too, Mrs. Kim!”

It has been a little over a month since they’ve gotten married, but the older Kim still refers to Minjoo as Mrs. Kim every chance she’d get as if it’s some sort of endearment – a very odd one, but adorable nonetheless. Minjoo doesn’t complain, especially not when her wife seems to be genuinely enjoying, and she not-so-secretly finds it really cute. (To be fair, she finds every single thing about Chaewon cute.)

“Do you believe in a past life?” Chaewon asks out of nowhere as she hands her wife a cup of coffee, she isn’t sure exactly where she got the idea from, but not that it matters – maybe just one of her forgotten silly dreams or something. Minjoo simply laughs at the random question, but decides to humour the other girl, “Yepp, I bet you were a kpop idol or an actress!”

Okay, now that’s what Chaewon would call silly – but two could play at this game. She counters, “Sureee. What were you then, a grim reaper?”

Without missing a beat, Minjoo corrects her – quite passionately even. Her eyebrows creased, a look of disapproval flashes over her, “Soul guide! Grim reaper sounds so morbid!”

Confused, Chaewon does a double take whether she has heard her properly, “A soul what?”

I don’t know either where I got that…” Minjoo answers, scratching the back of her neck – clearly finding it weird as well. She doesn’t have any idea where she got the said term from, but in her head, it just makes sense. Chaewon doesn’t get it either, but they just end up laughing it off – maybe it’s just the cold weather getting into them or maybe they are still a bit sleepy, it’s still quite early after all.

“Anyway, Eunbi unnie wants to introduce us to her girlfriend,” Chaewon remembers that they would be meeting her cousin later this afternoon. Although it wasn’t originally part of the plan, she has received a message from Eunbi last night that she’d be bringing along her girlfriend.

Minjoo coughs, almost choking upon hearing the sudden news. Her wife hands her a glass of water – which Minjoo quickly gulps down, “She finally has one????”

Chaewon completely understands the younger girl’s expression – after setting up her cousin with too many blind dates, (which obviously ended unsuccessful) they’ve both thought Eunbi is bound to grow old with her black cat. Chaewon even brought it up one time that maybe the black cat is giving her cousin bad luck; it resulted into Eunbi smacking her head and ignoring her for a week, of course. She thinks that’s going overboard, but even her own wife – Minjoo – would say that Chaewon deserved it for accusing the cute feline of such atrocity.

Chaewon fiddles with her phone and passes it to Minjoo, showing the Instagram profile of Eunbi’s girlfriend. “Oh, she also has cat?!” Minjoo exclaims as she scrolls down the girl’s posts, seeing more pictures of a fluffy white cat.

“…is Eunbi unnie’s girlfriend a cat?!” Chaewon jokingly asks, the girl has more pictures of her cat than her own face – yeah, she’s indeed a perfect match for her cousin. Of course, Eunbi ends up dating someone who’s just as obsessed with cats as she is.

As they further look for more pictures, they finally find some with the girl’s face on it. Minjoo utters, “She’s really pretty, she looks familiar?”

Chaewon looks at Minjoo as if her wife just said something incredulous, although her teasing smile makes it apparent that she’s just being her usual self. With a glint of mischief in her eyes and even pretending to clutch her chest, she dramatically says, “Ya, are you trying to pull that card?! Right in front of your wife, really?!”

Minjoo shakes her head, laughing at her wife’s silly antics, “Jealous much?!”

Chaewon doesn’t answer, she instead gives her a quick kiss – it was a mere peck on the lips, but Minjoo couldn’t stop the blush creeping up her face. To make it worse, Chaewon softly smiles at her – nose scrunching, her eyes crinkling into crescent moons – she proudly admits, “Yep, I’m jealous. Obviously!”

Minjoo doesn’t know how to answer – too flustered – so she changes the topic instead, “Do you think we should also adopt cats?”

And that’s how they’ve spent the rest of the morning, just bickering about the thought of adopting cats. Minjoo insists that it’s a must, but Chaewon keeps on whining that it would mean she’d have more competition over her wife’s attention. She says she’d want to enjoy the company of her wife alone for a bit more time, even summoning the best pleading look she could pull off – but when Minjoo retorts with an equally convincing look, Chaewon knows she has lost. What was she supposed to do? Say no to her wife? That’s impossible! Fine, they’d adopt an adorable ball of fluff soon!

Someone – another soul stuck on the afterlife, wearing a fancy all-black outfit, carrying their duties – must be watching over Minjoo and Chaewon as they bicker about such mundane stuff. Everything remains the same – uncertain. Here’s the thing though, it always would be uncertain – that’s just how it is, and how it would always be for everyone. The sun would keep on rising, the stars would remain shining at night, the moon would remain as gorgeous as always, the earth would keep spinning, time would continue moving. And as time passes by, losses are inevitable, but that doesn’t mean one shouldn’t enjoy the beauty of little things.

Pause for a while, the world is really, really beautiful.

Human, death is everywhere. It’s always, always, lurking around us. So, pay attention, live life with no regrets. You’d never know when an oh-so-pretty soul guide will greet you.

Don’t forget to actually live, before your time’s up.

Maybe live long, or maybe die young,
Or maybe live every day like it's your last day under the sun.

Carrying' our dreams and all that they mean,
Trying to make it all worthwhile.

A/N: As promised, here it is. Sorry for the delay, I've celebrated new year a bit too much. Hehe? lol Happy new year, everyone! May this year treat us even just a tad bit better than the previous one did. Happy new year, tagay!

Also, Happy Birthday to Egg-nim! Stan talent, stan Egg-nim! T - T

Feel free to shout at me on twt @/drunkcatto. CC link's on my bio too if you'd prefer that.