Will I get to meet them at the next green light?

Those memories I've yearned for,

Or will I get to meet them on the next world?

“A-are… you not scared?” A small girl – not older than six, round cheeks dusted with pink, disheveled black short hair, grown-out bangs almost covering her dark brown orbs, yet couldn't hide the traces of the lurking fear within them – stutters, her voice shaky, just a clueless child trying her best to stop the tears that have been threatening to spill for a while now.

“Chae…don’t cry, or I’ll cry too.”

Life is beautiful.

As sunlight passes through different locations on Earth, the sun slowly makes its appearance on the horizon – small particles or droplets in the atmosphere would scatter, producing various alluring tones and shades of red, orange, and yellow. The classic calming hues gently touch the beautiful blue sky, decorating it – carefully constructing a mundane, yet grand phenomenon called sunrise. The moment doesn’t last for too long, just long enough to mark the start of another day – giving every person another chance at life, another twenty-four hours added to everyone's personal clock of life. Earth wakes up, breaking the silence of the night, the darkness would cease and everything would once again bask under the warm rays of the sun.

Some would prefer to start their day with a hot cup of coffee, adding a preferred amount of sugar and cream; a light breakfast would be nice too, waffles with maple syrup or maybe some toasts – just a much-needed mini self-indulgence that enables people to look forward even just a bit more to the long day that awaits them. Earphones plugged in, head lightly bopping along their favorite melodies that fill their head, maybe they’d even start nonchalantly humming the lyrics as they continue walking towards their destination for that particular day – may it be school, work or anywhere, really.

And if for some unknown reasons, the day doesn’t exactly go the way they expect it to be – tiny mishaps that ruins the mood or a sudden rainfall appearing out of nowhere – things couldn’t possibly be too bad. At the end of the day, there would always, always be a little something that makes the day more bearable – maybe a stranger who kindly offers to share their umbrella, or maybe a cute fluffy kitten on the streets, gracing everyone with its purrfectly adorable existence.

Even when the sun reaches sixteen-degrees below the horizon, good ol’ night once again enveloping the world and its inhabitants, the darkness wouldn’t feel too bad. Not when the night sky is embellished with millions of dazzling stars – countless miniscule blinking lights that seems so, so far away, yet shines just as bright. The bewitching moon stands out, gleaming in all its glory and illuminating the pitch-black night. The night inevitably comes, but it’s nothing short of tranquil, comforting would be a befitting term too – especially when one would come home to the warm embrace of their loved ones. Oh, the best thing that beats the fatigue caused by an eventful exhausting day.

These little things that are so precious, yet incredibly mundane to the extent that most people tend to neglect them, foolishly thinking that things would remain the same for a long time. These oh-so-beautiful stuff that they would take for granted, missing them – all because they think there are far more important things than the smell of morning coffee or the joy of being able to catch up with the ones they treasure. Really, what could possibly be more important than the freakin’ stars? Even the moon?! Being too assured with the naïve thought that tomorrow, nothing would change. Just another dull day. (Unsurprisingly, it doesn’t turn out as boring for some.)

Life is indeed beautiful. It almost makes up for the not-so-hidden fact that it’s actually a prick – as if fueled by its covetous desire to purposely mess things up just for the laughs of it. (Chances are, it is.)

Almost.

It’s a lovely, cruel, bastard who probably loves surprises a bit too much. “Life happens,” they’d say; and maybe they are actually right about that. No warnings nor foreboding beforehand, some stuff just do happen unexpectedly – mostly bad ones, of course. Oh, it’s apparently a very loyal bastard as well. When an infant is born – a bundle of happiness received as a most awaited gift (blessing, even) by their parents – a legion of challenges packed with so much precariousness lies ahead, except for one thing. In a world full of uncertainties, there’s this one thing for sure. Life gives an oh-so-important promise to everyone – a certain, inevitable, fated end. In other word – death.

Everything stops. And in the exact same manner, everything carries on.

Perhaps, Death is pals with good ol’ Life, except they aren’t really similar – complete opposites rather, in the most literal way. Almighty Death would never be a pretentious lovely, cruel, bastard like its polar opposite. Instead, it’s an arrogant jerk in the simplest, most outright course of action. It’s a harrowing entity that constantly roams the streets of Earth, always diligently watching its next unfortunate scheduled victim like the creep it is meant to be.

“It’s going to be quick,” people would say. And maybe that’s the funniest part of the whole fiasco about the oh-so-great Death – just how instant is instant? Boiling water for instant coffee takes a minute, three minutes for instant noodles, seven minutes for instant rice, ten minutes for instant soup, and fifteen minutes for instant curry. So, how quick exactly are they talking about?

Would it be really as instantaneous as they say? Well, who knows?

What happens when someone dies? Countless movies and books depict the moment of death as an overly melancholic scene where the person would slowly drift out, completely slipping into unconsciousness. Of course, the character’s loved one – most likely, romantic interest – would be shaking the person’s body, anguished wails filling the hospital room or wherever the set is. (Yeah, curse those awkward camera angles and mediocre acting that emphasizes the shouting part more.) One couldn’t entirely say that those scenes are exaggerated nor blown out of proportion though, because it happens – those deafening agony-filled cries borderline shrieks that are just so excruciating and disturbing to listen to do exist.

As for the person – Death’s latest victim – their circulation of blood ceases, heart literally (not like the ones used to describe cheesy romance teen-flicks) stops, brain becomes deprived of oxygenated blood, then stops functioning all together. The temperature of the body gradually starts dropping, cells begin to die then eventually, bacteria and even the body itself digest the person’s organs and tissues – yes, the process of decomposition kicks off.

Some studies would claim that hearing is the last sense to fade, and maybe it’s not that baseless – perhaps, it’s the reason why Chaewon could clearly remember the last thing she has heard. Her memory is a bit hazy, but she recalls the frantic voice of a woman she no longer could recognize, repeatedly calling out. If she concentrates hard enough, it’s like she could still hear it, string of incoherent words she couldn’t decipher – except her name, ringing in her ears right after her own instantaneous moment happened.

“Kim Chaewon??!! Kim Chaewon!!!”

The moment Chaewon’s eyes flutter open, streaks of light briefly flashes; perhaps an effect of suddenly waking up. Wake up from what exactly – she doesn’t know, she doesn’t remember, and she certainly doesn’t understand whatever the hell is happening to her right now. An unfamiliar empty spacious white room greets her, unsure if she could even call it a room. A room needs to be bounded by four walls for it to be considered one, right? She can’t even find any walls, just white – all she could see is the unending parade of everything and nothing.

“What, am in heaven or something?” Chaewon snorts at how ridiculous she sounds, even slightly shaking her head, a soft chuckle unconsciously escaping , indifferently dismissing the silly idea. Except, her smile falls half a beat later, eyes growing wide in utter shock. When the sudden realization dawns on her that she’s indeed no longer exactly alive – dead, but her mind refuses to use that term, as if it makes her any less unalive – the thought quickly goes from stupid to horrifying.

Life is complicated, it’s bounded by countless rules society has imposed on everyone. Sure, written laws to ensure every citizen’s rights and safety are very much needed; but what makes it tricky are the unwritten stuff – multitude of expectations, clashing principles and beliefs every person tries adhering to. There are too many do’s and don’ts, there are no clear parameters – just billions of people doing their own thing, thinking that they are merely heading to their goals, carving their own place in this oh-so-beautiful world. They spend their whole lives chasing for whatever lies ahead – would it be worth it?

Running, running and running, until they wake up one day and realize that all this time, they’ve been running on their own – alone.

Apparently, death is not as demanding. It has three general rules – plain and short.

First, to leave all the complications and hassle the living brings, all memories and attachments to the mortal world are wiped clean.

Second, two things remain clear in one’s mind – the fact that they have died and their full name.

Lastly, one could remember a strong feeling that they would need to come to terms with before they could pass on to the next stage of afterlife.

Comparable to a forgotten wish that keeps a soul tied up with the mortal realm, Chaewon feels the terror brought by the alarming situation at hand – deviously creeping into every shred of her being. As the terrifying feeling settles in, a chill trickle down her spine – eyes shaking, jaw clenching and a metaphorical lump forming in – the urge to throw up rises, but her body doesn’t seem to be giving in anytime soon. Right, her organs no longer function, she’s nothing but an empty shell of whatever kind of person Kim Chaewon used to be. Heck, she doesn’t even have any idea what’s that supposed to mean. Who is Kim Chaewon? She doesn’t dare to move, remains frozen in place as dread starts gnawing at her insides, a constant reminder of her biggest fear – death.

It takes her a couple of minutes before her mind regains functionality, finally deciding that it’s useless to seek an explanation for the incomprehensible awful feeling that has latched into her. With a heavy sigh, she forces the blood-curling discovery of her current predicament to the back of her mind. Maybe it would go away if she ignores it long enough, a hopeless endeavor, but she’d willingly take that over nothing. Still baffled, she starts aimlessly wandering around – eyes squinted as she cautiously investigates the premise, trying her best to get a grasp of her circumstances – then she hears a... meow?

The grim reaper is a cat? Or…not.

Chaewon finds a girl taller than her, probably around the same age (not that she remembers her own age though) – dressed in an elegant looking well-fitted black suit, a chain of what appears to be a silver pocket watch dangling on the front pocket of her coat. As she takes a closer look, Chaewon couldn’t think of the right words to describe how attractive the unknown woman is – a pale complexion that’s almost as white as the room or whatever place they are standing in, perfectly contrasts the girl’s obsidian black hair and eyes, making her enticing gaze more captivating than it already is.

Her deep black orbs filled with so much mystery pulls Chaewon in and surprisingly, she doesn’t find herself wanting to run away – unsure whether her feet are rooted in place out of fear or she is simply and terribly awestricken by the woman’s beauty. And when the girl gives her a wide smile – red lips stretching into a toothy grin, eyes crinkling into crescent moons, adorable indian dimple accenting her left cheek – Chaewon couldn’t help but mindlessly mumble, “Oh god, death has never looked this gorgeous.”

Chaewon snaps out of her daze when the girl walks towards her and trips out of nowhere – letting out a small yelp – the black cat trailing behind her immediately jumps away, avoiding the girl’s falling body. She remains seated on the floor, wincing at the not-so-pleasing accident. As if she has suddenly remembered something important, her eyes frantically search for something, sighing in relief as she carefully picks up the cat. With a worried expression, she pats the feline’s small head, talking to it as if it could understand her or something. “Enji…are you okay?”

Amused, Chaewon quietly observes – uncertain whether she should call for the stranger’s attention or she should just walk away. Realizing that it’s not like she has any clue as to where she should head to, Chaewon purposely clears – which goes unnoticed by the girl, so she repeats the action a bit louder this time. Finally, the unknown woman spares her a glance and answers, “Uhm, right... sorry, where are we again?”

Chaewon merely blinks back, a confused expression surfacing as she timidly scratches the back of her neck – just as lost as she initially was before the attractive stranger and the black cat showed up. The girl continues directly staring at her, and the need to say something washes over Chaewon, “I don’t know either… Actually, I thought I should be the one asking that?”

“Ohhh. Right, right,” the girl puts down the cat, sounding more put-together, yet she remained seated on the white pavement. With a bright smile painted across her face, the girl widely stretches her arms upward, gesturing a cheerful greeting. “I’m Kim Minjoo, your designated guide. Welcome to the afterlife!”

“…I’m Kim Chaewon…nice to meet you?” Chaewon introduces herself, the latter part of her statement sounding more like a question for she’s not exactly knowledgeable nor experienced with what to do when your assigned grim reaper happily welcomes you. Not to mention, the said grim reaper is maybe a bit too pretty and too bright for someone associated with death – oh, a bit clumsy too. If not for the all-black fancy-looking outfit, maybe Chaewon would even think that the girl who goes by the name Minjoo is some sort of cute angel who sings comforting songs to poor souls who have lost their way on the afterlife. (Obviously, she isn’t.)

Noticing how the grim reaper doesn’t seem to be standing up nor moving any time soon, Chaewon awkwardly offers her hand. Minjoo tilts her head, giving the other girl an unreadable look that maybe lasted a tad bit too long to be considered normal. She scans the girl’s face and her stretched-out arm – seemingly looking for something, before Minjoo could utter anything, the girl speaks up.

Recovering from her initial shock, Chaewon manages to collect her thoughts – more like, give up on trying to comprehend them, but yeah. She doesn’t understand it herself, but she somehow manages to crack a light-hearted joke, “Are handshakes not a thing here?”

Right, here. You are here.

Minjoo doesn’t bat an eye – her gaze remains fixated on the other girl’s face – an unreadable expression knitted on her eyebrows, she gives a tight-lipped smile, unknown whether it’s directed to Chaewon or to herself. After a couple more seconds of spacing out, she finally lets out a chuckle and takes the other girl’s hand – standing up – maybe Minjoo’s hand lingers a bit too long, but the other girl doesn’t say anything about it. (Who is she to complain, she’s a mere mortal. She’d insist that it has nothing to do with how soft Minjoo’s hand is, of course.) Chaewon simply attributes it to the grim reaper probably buffering a bit – by now, she has gotten used to the not-so-hidden fact that this apprentice of death is unusual and far from how everyone usually portrays the supposedly menacing creature.

“Hello, Chaewon-ssi!” Minjoo beams, the black cat – Enji – lays beside them, as if it’s silently listening to their conversation. “My job is to guide you through this entire process…” The reaper continues explaining the rules as they start walking, the other girl looking intently at her as if she’s listening attentively to every word – she isn’t, she’s just actually using it as an opportunity to shamelessly gawk at Minjoo.

The idea of death has always scared Chaewon – she’d say, “Leaving is easy, but what comes after?” She has always pictured the grim reaper as someone sinister – dark robe and scythe in tow – not in a form of a beautiful girl who seems incapable of hurting a fly, let alone collecting souls. And weirdly enough, the sight causes her heart to restlessly hammer inside her chest, as if it hasn’t stopped beating moments ago. She still couldn’t remember anything, but it doesn’t take a genius to know that her heart isn’t supposed to be acting this way. As much as she doesn’t want to admit it, she has died – she wasn’t informed that her heart could still do those flips or whatsoever even after passing away?! Hey, good ol’ death, at least try to be consistent!

“Anyway, you’ve been chosen to be part of the 24-hour express treatment! Congrats!” Minjoo’s obsidian black eyes that are supposed to be the embodiment of death uncharacteristically lit up, excitement evident on her voice as she explains the oh-so-special-package – definitely unaware that Chaewon has stopped listening to her for some time now.

“Oh express, yay thanks! Wait, wha-” Before Chaewon could even finish her question, the grim reaper snaps her fingers, and in an instant, their surroundings drastically change. Taking in the sights, she completely forgets to continue her question. Gone is the unending white empty space, replaced by what appears to be a posh-looking office.

A commodious room, its contemporary flashy all-black interior emphasizes how luxurious everything looks like. The general lighting properly sets up the overall professional ambiance – varying accent lights, wall sconces and torchiere lamps strategically used on different parts of the office, creating an aesthetically-pleasing visual interest. A large table located at its far end wherein a woman wearing another black suit is frowning behind the stacks of thick folders – papers in hand, her eyebrows knitting, visibly stressed out with whatever she’s reading. The black cat accompanying Minjoo jumps into the table, and the woman’s mood improves right away – she swiftly pushes aside the pile of paper works, making way for the feline. “Enji, Enji, did you miss me?” The woman softly coos as she pets the cat.

“Unnie, our latest victim has come!” Minjoo whisper-shouts to the girl who’s busy playing with the fluffy ball of fur, Chaewon pretends to not hear how she was literally just called as their latest victim. Right, she has forgotten for a moment, but these women are indeed grim reapers – the faithful side-kicks of the omnipotent Death-sunbaenim.

The woman clears , regaining her composure, as if she wasn’t just gushing over the adorable furry creature. She addresses Chaewon with a kind smile, her soft facial features being more apparent – oddly opposing the gloomy black outfit she’s donning, even matched with a classic fedora hat. “You’re finally here, Chaewon-ssi. I’m Lee Sian. I might look young, but I’ve been a senior soul guide for over twenty years already.”

“…Are you like Minjoo-ssi’s boss then?” Chaewon curiously asks, eyes darting back and forth between the two grim reapers. They’d probably think she’s merely trying to piece together the bits of information she has received so far – oblivious to the fact that Chaewon is actually more surprised with how normal – unscary – the alleged ominous entities look like. If someone would tell her that she has accidentally gotten lost, then taken by the wrong department of afterlife, she’d believe them right away.

Who would have expected the Angel of Deaths to be this friendly? Weren’t they supposed to be intimidating, ready to slash a disobedient soul anytime? Where are the giant scythes?!

Her mind is brought back to reality as her thoughts are disrupted by Sian’s loud cackle – the senior reaper even nudging Minjoo, not-so-quietly whispering, “Hey, she just called me your boss!” Chaewon wonders if she has said something funny, because she sees how the other girl uses her palm to cover her own mouth, trying her best to contain the fits of laughter bubbling up her chest.

As Sian gets over her initial reaction, she removes her fonder hat and sets it on her desk, a small smile still playing on her lips – genuinely amused at the question regarding their positions as soul collectors or grim reapers. She personally doesn’t like those flashy terms though; she prefers using ordinary words such as ‘guides’ or ‘attendants’ – she thinks such words are more befitting, their oh-so-expensive-looking all-black work uniforms doesn’t seem to differ too much from the office suits normal employees from the mortal world would wear anyway.

“I guess you could say that. She’s been guiding souls for like five years now, so yeah. I’m her senior, but there’s no hierarchy when it comes to working with souls, also please call us soul guides.” Sian explains, her gaze once again focused on the adorable little creature lying on her desk. She briefly looks at the other soul attendant and deadpans, “Unless you want to call me boss? I wouldn’t mind.”

“Unnie, I’m more like a babysitter of Enji than an actual guide,” Minjoo retorts, her bottom lip slightly juts out in a subtle pout, eyebrows creasing – a not-so-convincing form of objection.

“Don’t be like that, you’re our department’s beloved ace!” Sian dramatically exclaims, standing up from her seat and giving the younger grim reaper a round of applause. Weirded out, Chaewon remains motionless – unsure of what she should do – but claps along when the senior reaper gives her a look that screams, “just do it.”

Minjoo uses her hands to cover her face in an attempt to hide her rosy cheeks, being bashful upon her senior’s compliment and the girls’ clapping. Chaewon concludes that this grim reaper seems to be too unusual – such an innocent soul – too adorable, really. She would have continued wordlessly admiring the other girl for hours if she could, takes in the sight of the sweet girl, appreciating her lustrous soft raven hair cascading down her back and her cute frown as she complains about the older reaper’s teasing. As much as Chaewon would like to listen more and enjoy the girl’s soft giggles as she playfully banters with Sian, the familiar dreadful sensation comes back – insistent and impatient. Right, she’s not exactly in a good place to be this nonchalant, let alone be fascinated by the oh-so-beautiful angel of death. With worry evident in her eyes, her voice shudders, “So, am I being punished?”

Minjoo quickly faces her – mouth agape, shocked at the girl’s question – she unconsciously blurts out, “…Do we look that mean?”

Chaewon notes how Minjoo’s expression shifts – eyes casting downward, her hand awkwardly tapping at Sian’s desk, waiting for a response. Honestly, she doesn’t have any idea what to say so she opted to remain quiet, waiting for anyone to break the silence. After all, the two girls are still grim reapers – Chaewon thinks it’s still too early for her to decide whether they are indeed as harmless as they seem.

“God, I blame the all-black uniform,” Sian exclaims, unable to hold back an eye-roll upon hearing the usual misconception about them. She’s been receiving that question for over two decades already, she’s gotten too tired of it. She pokes her black fedora hat, giving it a look of disdain, adding, “I’ve been telling the hags up there to change it already. Curse whoever designed this edgy-looking outfit.”

“Chaewon-ssi, you’re here for a treatment, not a punishment.” Minjoo gives her a reassuring smile, and Chaewon’s body relaxes as she listens to the girl’s calming voice – she’s soft spoken, very pleasant to the ears. Sian simply nods, her focus once again given to the cat dozing off on her desk instead of the conversation at hand. Chaewon pays attention to the younger grim reaper this time as she thoroughly explains the third rule of the afterworld again.

Lastly, one could remember a strong feeling that they would need to come to terms with before they could pass on to the next stage of afterlife.

“You’re scared of dying, aren’t you?”

“A-are… you not scared?” Young Chaewon – not older than six, round cheeks dusted with pink, disheveled black short hair, grown-out bangs almost covering her dark brown orbs, yet couldn't hide the traces of the lurking fear within them – stutters, her voice shaky, just a clueless child trying her best to stop the tears that have been threatening to spill for a while now.

“Chae…don’t cry, or I’ll cry too,” another small girl around her age softly whispers, afraid that their guardians who are conversing not too far from them might hear. Despite her young age, the little girl doesn’t want to worry her parents. She has spent a lot of time in the hospital, but her hospital visits have significantly increased lately. It breaks her heart to remember that one time she woke up in the middle of the night by the faint sound of the sobs of her mom at the other side of the door – probably doing her best, so the innocent child wouldn’t hear her. At that moment, the little girl promised herself to always be as cheerful as she could to keep her mom happy – that’s all she has ever wanted, really.

“But it’s so scary. Sometimes it just becomes hard to breathe, and it hurts here so sooo much,” Chaewon adamantly points to her chest, just a clueless kid explaining to her friend how it feels. She doesn’t understand it herself, but she knows there’s something wrong with her, she adds, “then it gets blurry and I don’t know, mom says I pass out too but I don’t remember…and that’s so scary… what if I don’t wake up?”

“Eyy, it would be fine,” the little girl beams, giving Chaewon a light nudge. She playfully ruffles the worried-filled girl’s hair, knowing that it would somehow distract her. Smiling, she continues, “My mom said it would be fine.”

“My mom said that too,” Chaewon retorts, as if trying to prove a point. Her lips pouting as she tries to fix her hair and the other kid simply watches her, a bright smile still playing on her lips, she asks, “Then it’s okay. Mommy would not lie. Would your mom lie?”

Without missing a beat, the child’s small voice not faltering for a second, Chaewon answers right away, “She won’t! She said lying is bad. Mommy isn’t bad.”

With a toothy grin, the other girl asks, “Then what’s so scary about it?”

“You’re scared of dying, aren’t you?” The younger grim reaper asks – coal black orbs intently looking at Chaewon – the girl averts her eyes, seemingly afraid with the possibility of Minjoo being able to read her mind. (Which admittedly sounds silly, but she still does it anyway.) Taken aback like a deer caught in the headlights, she remains at a standstill. Too hesitant to give a response, she silently hopes Minjoo wouldn’t probe further – thankfully, she doesn’t.

“This is treatment, not punishment. What’s a better way to stop being afraid of death than spending 24 hours with death itself, right?!” Minjoo delightfully declares, taking a bow afterwards as if she has just presented the most brilliant idea ever. (She probably really thinks she did.) Now, her voice significantly lowered, cheerfulness dialed-down – she adds, “Also, it’s getting overcrowded here, we’re running low on soul guides lately, so we now have a 24-hour express package.”

“I don’t get why there’d be a lack of grim re-, I mean soul guides?” Chaewon corrects herself right away when she sees the older soul guide – Lee Sian – looking at her with eyebrows raised, clearly not liking the term she has almost uttered.

“Because our department does our job so damn well to the point that soul guides would accidentally settle their issues too so they end up ascending! It’s giving me headaches.” Sian pipes in, her voice being maybe a bit too loud than necessary – a clear indicator of how frustrated she has been on the situation. The senior guide lets out a heavy sigh, ruffling her own hair in annoyance.

“Y’all used to be humans then?” Chaewon queries, her mind not really understanding what the older guide meant with what she said. This whole afterworld stuff don’t make much sense to her. It’s not exactly her fault though, it’s not like she has experienced dying before. This is her first time and she’s just as clueless as one could be – heck, she can’t even remember anything besides her name, let alone whatever the origin of these not-so-terrifying entities related to good ol’ death.

“Of course? Just what do you take us for?” Sian deadpans, and Minjoo deliberately clears – giving her senior a wordless reminder to stop being sarcastic and be nicer instead. She heeds the younger soul guide’s warning, deciding to change the topic instead, “Anyway, you’re coming with us. We’re going to the mortal world for a scheduled ya know…that’s our work.”

Minjoo reaches for Chaewon’s hand and before she could even react, she finds herself in an unfamiliar place again. The contact didn’t last for long, but Chaewon remains still, eyes glued to her hand as if something would happen if she stares at it long enough – there are far more crucial matters, so she doesn’t dwell on it for too long, pushing that thought to the back of her mind. More important things like how in just a blink of an eye, their surrounding shifts – teleporting them to whatever this place they are currently standing at – the middle of a buzzling street?!

She visibly flinches, seeing cars quickly zooming in – Chaewon panics, and before she realizes it, several cars have passed through her. Stunned, she finds herself lost for words – the soft hand that captures her own takes Chaewon out of her trance. She glances up at the owner of it, taking in the sight of Minjoo under the city lights, which are doing a fine job at illuminating the features of the girl – the comforting smile painting her lips effectively calms Chaewon’s nerves, bringing her to a realization that maybe the younger soul guide has quite an influence on her. (Way more than she’d like to admit.)

“It’s fine, you won’t get hit, if that’s what you’re worried about. Others can’t see us too,” Minjoo kindly explains, silently observing the other girl who still seems to be in a bit of a daze. Their hands still intertwined; she guides Chaewon across the street, soothingly rubbing small circles on the back of her hand. She takes note of the beads of sweat starting to form on the girl’s forehead, a strand of hair obscuring her face – for a moment, Minjoo contemplates whether she should do something about it. Her other hand unconsciously reaches for it, but she immediately retracts, realizing how absurd the action would be. Sian, trailing behind them – several feet away – keenly watching the interaction, an amused grin creeping in as she takes into her arm the cat who also went along with them, whispering to the cute feline, “Enji, they look nice together, right? Let’s go meet your soulmate too, buddy.”

For around fifteen minutes, they continue walking on the streets of the city that’s apparently called Seoul. They remain unnoticed by the vast amount of people passing by the streets covered with a blanket of white dust that Chaewon has no idea whatever it’s called – they are wearing thick clothes, most seem to be in a hurry, probably due to the fact that it’s a chilling night. (Not that she could tell.) Some are on their own, clutching a rectangular device, doing whatever they are doing on that small handy thing. Meanwhile, others go by group – she sees them too inside the establishments they’ve passed by – content smiles plastered across their faces as they gather around tables, eating, drinking and talking about their boring days.

Chaewon throws her head back, staring at the starless pitch-black sky – wondering about the tiny questions rising at the back of her mind. Like how would it have felt to walk on a freezing night like this, would she also shiver as the cold breeze touches her skin, making her seek for something warm? Like how it would have felt to spend time with other people, laugh about silly things, giving her the kind of warmth that spreads throughout the body, maybe even pulling the corner of her lips into a blissful smile? Like how it would have felt to be alive.

Was I also like them? Unaware of the other unseen entities lurking, and just enjoying the mundane things life has to offer?

Minjoo tugs Chaewon towards the entrance of one of the buildings – dragging the girl into a small room with doors automatically closing – the senior grim reaper catches up to them, “Hey, wait for me.”

“Unnie, you could have just teleported us directly to the location,” Minjoo whines, a small pout forming on her lips which Sian simply ignores – deciding that hugging the cat in her arms is more of a priority than entertaining whatever complaint the other soul guide is raising.

“Well yeah, but where’s the fun in that? Look, we got to ride an elevator! Not that bad, huh?” The older soul guide deadpans, not even sparing Minjoo a glance.

Confused Chaewon pipes in, not really comprehending what they are talking about. “Uhm…may I know where are we?”

Sian doesn’t answer, but stares at the girls’ intertwined hands – just long enough for Minjoo to notice, causing her to immediately let go of Chaewon’s hand. The said girl blankly stares at her own hand, unable to grasp the gnawing feeling that surfaces upon the loss of contact, it leaves her with a dreading feeling she couldn’t fathom.

An oh-so-annoying teasing grin is plastered across the older soul guide’s face, mocking the girl’s flustered reaction maybe a tad bit too much. Sian couldn’t stop herself from giggling, Minjoo audibly clears , an attempt at ignoring whatever the older soul guide is insinuating. Instead, she turns to Chaewon, giving a brief explanation, “We’re at the mortal realm. Nothing big, I swear! Just to guide a soul that’s about to leave now. Just a part of your treatment!”

“So, collecting a soul?” Chaewon answers back, the atmosphere once again filled with some sort of tension. Minjoo frantically waves off the girl’s question, raising both of her arms as if she’s defending herself from some sort of accusation, “Hey, hey, that sounds so bad! We’re not like that at all! We’re just…uhm accompanying them? That’s it! I think?” The latter part comes out sounding more like a question, which doesn’t exactly make her claims convincing, but the girl’s comical reaction surely does put a smile on Chaewon’s face.

“Shh, we’re here already,” Sian interrupts them as the elevator stops on a certain floor, indicating that they’ve arrived at their destination. She doesn’t wait for the two girls to respond and opted out to exit first, leaving the girls behind. Voice barely audible, she utters to no one in particular, “I’ve been single for two decades, I’m not getting paid enough to third-wheel for these brats.”

Enji jumps out of her arms, Sian stops on her tracks as she sees where or to whom the cat is heading – a middle-aged woman, visibly shorter than the soul guide herself. The woman carries a matured aura around her, few streaks of grey stand out on her black-short hair – a discernible mark of the years catching up on her; yet her clear eyes and prominent features show how attractive she is despite the old age. Sian pauses for a while, a slow smile works its way across her face, her gaze softens as she takes in the sight of the not-so-unfamiliar woman.

The older soul guide almost forgets the two girls trailing behind her, until Chaewon hesitantly speaks up, “…is she the person we’re tak-…I mean accompanying?”

Sian remains uncharacteristically quiet, Minjoo takes it as a sign for her to respond instead, obligingly answering the girl’s query, “Ah, no. Chaewon-ssi, we’re not here to accompany a human’s soul.”

“Do you see that cat we brought along? That’s Enji.” Minjoo points to the feline which is now sitting beside the short-haired woman who’s entering the keycode to her apartment’s digital lock – Chaewon blinks back at her, still deeply perplexed – uncertain where the conversation is heading, so the soul guide continues, “We’re here for Enji’s soulmate.”

As if on cue, the door to the woman’s apartment opens up and another translucent cat comes out of the apartment. Minjoo softly sighs, relief evident on her face as she gleefully witnesses the cats’ reunion after more than a year. She lowers herself to give the feline creatures a pat – the adorable ball of furs, now leaning towards each other – the younger soul guide further elaborates, “The white cat is Ore, Enji’s soulmate. It’s been like a year since Enji passed away. All this time, she’s been waiting for Ore. Third rule.”

Lastly, one could remember a strong feeling that they would need to come to terms with before they could pass on to the next stage of afterlife.

Sian who has been rooted in place for some time now, finally speaks again – her eyes glued on the wooden apartment door that just closed, she takes off her fedora hat and she ends up fiddling with it – as a wistful smile lingers on her lips. “You see, that feeling could be anything. It could be unfulfilled dreams, promises, regrets, guilts or fears. It could be anything or sometimes, even someone.”

“Anyway, you two should get going,” the older soul guide says, quickly shifting the topic into something else before she could accidentally say something she knows she shouldn’t. She wears again her black hat, lowering it further so her eyes would be hidden well. Her voice interlaced with faux happiness, she adds, “I’d like to stay here for a bit more. More free time for my hag self! Good luck, young lads!”

Minjoo simply nods, giving Sian’s shoulder a light squeeze – a wordless encouragement, perhaps a gesture of understanding and a small attempt at consoling the girl even just a bit. With the two felines following her, the younger soul guide walks closer to Chaewon, instructing, “Chaewon-ssi, close your eyes. Don’t open them unless I say so, okay?”

“Hey, I'm here again!” Eighteen-year-old Chaewon – wispy full bangs framing her face, long black tresses sprang loosely all the way to her back, still donning her school uniform, grinning from ear to ear, dark brown eyes lighting up – enthusiastically greets her friend, being unable to contain the excitement upon meeting her again, as if they don’t regularly see each other at weekends.

“Chae! Hello, how was your week? Anything fun? Any plans?” The other girl – just a year younger than Chaewon, sharp facial features framed by her luscious black hair draping over her shoulders, black orbs filled with an equal amount of fervor (if not more) – beams back to Chaewon, her eyes crinkling into crescent moons, she smiles so wide, her distinct cute dimple becomes more noticeable than it already is.

“Nooo, don’t be like that. Are you my therapist?!” Chaewon jokingly sulks, dragging a chair towards the other girl’s bed, clearly intending to stay for quite some time – most likely, a whole day until the nurse would have to come, telling her that she should head back home – something that happens every single time.

“I’m just curious…I want to know what you’re up to?” As she listlessly plays the hem of the sleeve of her hospital gown, the girl lying on the bed reluctantly asks – afraid that she might be overstepping whatever invisible line lies between the two of them. Chaewon thinks that’s nonsense, they’ve known each other since they were about five or six. She couldn’t even remember for sure anymore, it has been too long that her brain is already having a hard time having to keep up with the details. One thing’s for sure though, they’ve been way past the need of being careful towards each other.

Said line be doomed, they are standing at the center of a circle of the plane known as life – together – equidistant from the set of other points; not too far from everything nor everyone, yet are bound to lean towards each other inside their own tiny bubble.

“Ya, I was just kidding! No need to be so serious!” Chaewon exclaims, standing up, then proceeding to sit at the edge of the girl’s bed. She playfully nudges the other girl’s arm with her own, her friend unsurprisingly retaliates, and they end up trying to shove each other off the bed – their loud laughter fills the room. A nurse comes by to check on them, but she says nothing and genuinely smiles as she watches the girls bicker with each other – just like any normal healthy teenager their age, being carefree, not worrying whether today would be their last.

“Chaeeee, you still haven’t answered my question,” the girl whines, a small pout forming on her lips – Chaewon finds it adorable, so she indulges the other girl. She rummages her backpack, looking for ‘something.’ She yelps out a small, “Hah!” as she finally finds what she’s looking for. She hands her a folded paper, what seems to be a brochure of some sort. Chaewon explains, “Here, this is for our upcoming school trip. We’re going to Jeju-do! The sea!”

The girl visibly cheers up upon hearing the last word, she has always been fascinated by the idea of visiting the sea. In her seventeen years of existence, she has never gotten to experience life outside the walls that have been protecting her from what could potentially hurt her – in short, everything.

“Ahhh, this would be fun! You should prepare for it! Take lots of pictures and bring souvenirs for me, okay?” The girl delightfully says, her words comparable to a child who’s adamantly asking her parents for desired presents – eyes almost twinkling, bearing an expectant look – one could see how exhilarated she is, as if she’d be the one attending the trip herself. Except, she wasn’t asking for much – just pictures or anything that could give her a glimpse of the beautiful large expanse of water.

At the young age of four, she has learned that she isn’t as fortunate as normal kids – saying that she isn’t as healthy as most would be too much of a euphemism – unlike them, she couldn’t freely do what she wants without potentially endangering her life. Instead of growing up playing with other kids her age, celebrating birthday parties with friends, whining about school works, or being excited over a school trip – what she had was a life filled with countless hospital stays. Truth be told, she has probably spent more time inside these four white walls of her hospital room than the comfort of her own home.

“Cystic Fibrosis…”

‘Mere two words’ that have made her far different than any other kid; forget about birthday parties or school works, just getting to spend another day without having her parents worry for her well-being is already considered a luxury – one that she can’t have. Mere two words that make her unable to go out, make her need extensive treatments that would last for several hours each day, mere two words that hold so much control over the course of her life – an incurable disease that requires a lot of procedures to undergo with and medications to take, just to make sure that today wouldn’t be her last.

“Of course, I will! I’ll make sure to send lots of ‘em. You’d even think you came to the trip with me!” Chaewon beams back, words of assurance freely falling out of . As someone who also had her fair share of hospital trips whenever she would have her asthma attacks, Chaewon understands so well how difficult it is to spend the days alone – stuck in a room, not understanding what exactly is going on inside her own body.

Albeit her condition has greatly improved throughout the years, and definitely not as bad as the other girl’s, Chaewon has always, always had a fear lurking underneath her smiles and bubbly personality – death. An incessant worry that ceases a little every time her friend would give her the brightest smile despite her own dreadful circumstances, and maybe it does give her a little bit of hope – everything will work out, it might not be any time soon, but one day it would be fine.

They would be fine. Someday.

She has decided to try her best too as they wait for that day to finally come, so Chaewon goes back to her seat – the other girl curiously watches her as Chaewon takes out a pen, neatly scribbling on a piece of paper she has torn from her notebook. Once she’s done, she reads it over before handing it to her friend, “Here, sign this.”

The girl barks out a laugh, “You made a contract for us to visit the sea someday? Chae, really?” She teases Chaewon for the random silly action, but ends up signing the said contract anyway.

“Yep. When you’re all better! Signed and sealed. Got it!”

Chaewon’s eyes flutter open, slightly squinting, uncomfortable with the sudden bright light – a vast blue sky over their heads, dappled by white clouds that appear to decorate a peaceful day. Her dazed state takes in the sight of what she’d assume to be a train station – a railway track lies upon the rocky pavement, several people waiting at the platform. Searching for an appropriate explanation, she opts out to asking the soul guide who has brought her to wherever this place is, “Uhm…where are we? Wasn’t it just dark like, few seconds ago?”

“Time flows differently here, it’s very easy to lose track of it, that’s why we always have this,” Minjoo takes out her silver pocket watch dangling on the front pocket of her coat, checking for how long it would take before the train arrives. She continues, “We’re waiting for the train to the last stage of afterlife.”

“Twenty-four hours have passed by already? That quick?!” Chaewon snickers, not really comprehending what the soul guide meant by her answer. The girl simply chuckles, calmly correcting Chaewon, “No, not yet. We’re just here to send off Ore and Enji as they board the train.”

“Oh, is everyone here a soul then?” Chaewon asks as she looks around the station, noting how there are other animals and humans scattered, some people even wearing the same black suit as Minjoo’s. Before the soul guide could even answer, their conversation is cut short by a loud rumbling sound, indicating the arrival of the aforementioned train to afterlife – a series of white railroad cars that look pretty normal for a vehicle that supposedly transports souls into the other side.

As the doors of the white train open, the souls start boarding – Minjoo lowers herself, the felines stare back at her as if they do understand what’s happening. (And maybe they do.) With a placid smile on her lips, she bids them goodbye, “Enji, it’s finally time’s up, huh? I’m happy for you, until next time.”

With that, the cats proceed to boarding the train – the two girls silently watch the back of the cats, waiting until the doors closed – the train starts moving along what seems to be an endless railway, then eventually fading out of their vision. Chaewon is the first to speak up, “What happens next?”

“Of course, we’d continue with your treatment-” The soul guide is about to explain further, but she stops when Chaewon shakes her head – clarifying, “No, I mean where are the cats off to? What happens next? Heaven? Reincarnation?”

Minjoo pauses for a while, thoroughly thinking how she should respond. She has tried racking her brain for any answer that would make sense, but ends up with nothing, so she settles with being honest, “Uhm…I don’t know? I haven’t experienced boarding the train either?”

Being more confused than she already is, Chaewon reluctantly nods. If her designated soul guide doesn’t even know what lies ahead these never-ending rail tracks, she wonders how she’s supposed to keep moving. Is she supposed to go along with whatever treatment is this they speak of even without knowing anything at all? That just doesn’t sound right, does it?

Before Chaewon’s thoughts could further spiral into something else, the soul guide asks out of nowhere, “Do you know that humans believe cats have nine lives?” Confusion evident on her expression, Chaewon wordlessly waits for Minjoo to continue – so the soul guide does, “I don’t know if it’s true, but if it is, I’m sure Ore and Enji would spend their nine lives together all over again.”

Oddly enough, Chaewon somehow gets what the soul guide means – she doesn’t exactly know why nor how, but she could understand it – she simply does. “You think so?”

Just imagining the thought of those two adorable cats being together across different lifetimes brings Minjoo a giddy feeling, maybe something she hasn’t felt for the last five years – being a soul guide isn’t exactly the most joyful job out there. Biting back a smile, she corrects Chaewon, “Nope. I know so.”

“Chaewon, I’m sorry but you can’t talk to her today too,” the nurse – a woman in her mid-thirties, someone they have befriended after years of going back and forth the hospital – sadly informs Chaewon, kind eyes staring at her with sympathy, her melancholic expression showcasing the not-so-hidden fact that Chaewon’s friend hasn’t been doing well lately.

At some point of their tewelve years of friendship, Chaewon found out that her friend has been fighting such a difficult battle against a fatal disease, one that looks rather hopeless at times – unwinnable. She has become aware that behind the girl’s oh-so-optimistic outlook on life, is an unfortunate girl struggling each day, because life decided to be a prick to her the moment she was born. Despite everything, the girl had always, always reminded Chaewon that life isn’t that bad, and maybe it did have an effect on her – she has turned just a tad bit more positive. “Unnie, she’ll be okay, I just know she would be.”

Except, it turns out eighteen-year-old Chaewon doesn’t know much.

She doesn’t know much, just as how she doesn’t know where exactly everything went downhill. As her friend’s condition further declines, those tough days do inevitably come more often – days wherein the girl wouldn’t be allowed to have any visitors in order to avoid the risk of infection, days wherein Chaewon couldn’t see nor talk to her at all – days that have turned into weeks, then months.

“She’ll be okay,” Chaewon repeatedly tells herself, saying that it’s nothing out of the ordinary, she simply has to patiently wait. One day, they’d be back to their normal boring days inside her friend’s hospital room, once again bickering over random things – it doesn’t happen, it never would.

So much for being ‘a tad bit more positive.’

Chaewon has always been scared of death, the idea that everyone she has ever come to know will eventually die someday terrifies her; but her friend has always been there – smiling, reassuring Chaewon that she’s just being paranoid.

Death didn’t terrify her as much as when the other girl stopped breathing – it turns out, Chaewon wasn’t merely being paranoid, just realistic.

The quavering ocean composing much of the world’s hydrosphere, hoards its mighty power, threading upon the bluest of waves – rising and falling with rhythmic ease, gently dousing the white sand, washing it off any impurities. Chaewon wonders if she has lived a life that has something to do with the beautiful sea – maybe she was some sort of sailor or someone who was into marine biology – she wonders if there’s a plausible explanation for the sense of fulfillment that washes over her as she takes in the alluring sight, water sloshing over her feet as she wades a bit further from the shore.

Or, maybe it’s the company that counts? Just maybe.

Said company comes in the form of an oh-so-beautiful soul guide standing a couple of feet away from her – eyes closed, enjoying the refreshing sea breeze that softly tousles her onyx black hair drooped around pale cheeks, lips curling into a warm smile – Chaewon forgets for a moment how she’s supposed to be asking Minjoo just how going to the sea contributes to her treatment. She wouldn’t be surprised if it turns out to be not related at all, the girl just wanting to visit the sea for fun – by the looks of it, that doesn’t sound too far-fetched.

“It would be nice to know which part of this is considered treatment?” Chaewon asks, stressing the last word for emphasis. The soul guide who seems to be having a lot of fun on her own, doesn’t answer, she instead splashes water towards the other girl. Baffled, Chaewon exclaims, “Hey! What’s that for?!”

“You ask too much! You should enjoy this once in a lifetime experience. Have you never heard of YOLO?!” Minjoo huffs, a cute whiney voice surfacing – which Chaewon is getting used to by now, but that doesn’t mean she’d easily back down. She retorts, “How can we go YOLO, we’re literally dead already?!”

“Ya, you have no problem mentioning death now. See, the treatment is working really-really well!” Minjoo happily points out, once again falling into a lengthy monologue, bragging as to how the treatment provided by their department has a very high success rate. As usual, Chaewon barely listens to whatever the soul guide is rambling about, too distracted by how the girl’s comical expression changes accordingly – eyebrows rising, eyes widening, – as she continues to talk about how awesome soul guides are. She’s evidently trying her best to convince Chaewon that there’s nothing scary about this whole ordeal, but of course, the task isn’t as easy as it sounds.

“But y’all are still grim reapers-” Chaewon immediately stops, retracting her words as soon as she sees how Minjoo’s expression falls into a frown – a hint of hurt flashes over coal orbs – and she suddenly feels bad, wanting to apologize for what she has said. Before she gets the chance to do so, the soul guide speaks, “It’s not like we’re the one who kills?”

The girl’s words do make sense, Chaewon starts to ponder that maybe she’s indeed being too much right now, but she just can’t help it – she just couldn’t get rid of the unexplainable appalling feeling that has settled on her upon waking up on that unending white room earlier. Lost for words, she opts out to waiting for Minjoo to continue. The girl holds her stare for a moment, then adds, “Chaewon-ssi, we just accompany souls. Imagine how lonely it would be if you have to go all on your own, right?!”

Chaewon nods in agreement, lips unconsciously tugging into a radiant smile – dreadful thoughts discarded for a while, lost in the weirdly positive atmosphere that envelops them. Sure, that incomprehensible and seemingly irrational fear lurking within her is still present, whispering, “Who cares? That doesn’t make you any less dead,” but it subsides – drowned out by the other girl’s presence, her whole being screaming, “There’s nothing to be afraid of, silly!”

As they walk along the shore, the wind softly sighs, creating a soft symphony with the slapping of the waves – it lulls them into a comforting silence. An overwhelming sense of familiarity creeps into her body, and she finds it extremely annoying – the kind of feeling one would get when they just couldn’t give a name on whatever they are going through. Just what the hell is so special about the sea?

Or, just what the hell is so special about this weird soul guide beside her?

The lighthouse not too far from them could be seen, boldly standing against the magnificent blue sky, she wonders if that’s what Minjoo means when she says they aren’t grim reapers, just guides. Chaewon asks, “Are you my lighthouse then?”

It comes out of nowhere and the soul guide definitely didn’t expect that nor completely understood what the question means, but she answers the best that she could. It’s the only thing she could do anyway – try, “Yep, sort of? But a special kind.”

“I’m by your side,” the soul guide offers her hand, Chaewon gladly takes it this time. She continues, “At least until Time’s Up?”

“Is that a question?” Chaewon playfully snickers, a light-hearted chuckle spilling.

Minjoo shrugs, “Nopeee. Just an uncertain fact.”

“Kim Chaewon, we’re getting late, ya know.” Yena – Chaewon’s co-producer whom she has been working with for two years – reminds her for the sixth time already. They should be rushing by now, but Chaewon seems to be more out of it than usual, as if they don’t have an important meeting with the new idol-group they’d be working with.

Still lost on her own thoughts, Chaewon doesn’t answer and remains staring outside the big windows of the café. Despite the possibility of being late to their appointment, Yena thinks she has made the right call on insisting for a detour – dropping by a coffee shop for a much-needed caffeine boost, Chaewon seems to really need it. She audibly clears , lightly tapping the table three times in an attempt to catch her co-producer’s attention, “Seriously, are you okay?”

“Ah, sorry, what was that?” Chaewon finally looks at her, a clueless expression, clearly indicating she didn’t hear any of the things the other girl has uttered. Yena couldn’t help but sigh, she worriedly asks, “We can cancel the meeting if you want?”

“Ahh, no. No need, I swear,” Chaewon explains, not sounding too convincing – she takes a sip of her coffee, then adding, “Just a little bit out of it today.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Yena asks, although she knows the other girl is quite closed off – someone who rarely talks about the stuff that has been bothering her, the type who would rather keep it all to herself until they pass. They’ve met each other through working in the same industry, Yena thinks they are close enough to be actually called friends, but Chaewon has always been a bit distant.

“Hey, why do you write songs?” Chaewon asks, her cup of coffee discarded on their table, attention focused on her friend as she waits for an answer. Yena would normally for asking a random question, but it doesn’t take a genius to notice that it’s not the right time – Chaewon’s query appears to weigh more than it seems – so she seriously answers, “You know I write love songs, it’s more of ‘who’ than ‘what’ for me.”

“Who do you write for?”

Chaewon nods, fully understanding what the girl is saying. She doesn’t comment on anything, so Yena takes it upon herself to continue their conversation. “Well, what do you write for?”

“It’s ‘who’ than ‘what’ too,” Chaewon truthfully answers as she grabs her cup of coffee, listlessly playing with it – she stares at the brown liquid swirling around – her friend remains blinking in confusion, surprised at the new revelation. Voice a pitch higher and definitely louder, Yena exclaims, “Wait, you’re dating someone?! You???!!!”

“Nope,” Chaewon immediately denies her friend’s accusation, adding, “I’ve probably realized it a bit too late anyway.” Yena gives her a sympathetic look, although it’s definitely for the wrong reason. (It’s not like she has to know anyway.)

“Chaewon, did you love her?” Yena carefully asks, praying to whoever god out there that hopefully she isn’t being too nosy. Of course, she’s being nosy, but it’s a rare occasion for her friend to talk about these things – she just wants the other girl to feel better. She may be unable to offer any helpful advice nor anything, but if talking could help even just for a bit, then she wouldn’t mind probing a bit more even if Chaewon might get back on her someday. (She always does, Chaewon would always, always about everything, saying, “That’s what friends are for!”)

“Yeah, but I didn’t even get enough time to understand it. We were young, and she had to go somewhere far.” Chaewon could only give a vague response, still incessant on keeping things to herself. Unsure of what to say, Yena gives her shoulder a pat, an attempt to console her friend, with a remark, “Well, who knows? Maybe you’d end up meeting her again someday. If that happens, do better. Okay?”

“Okay,” Chaewon simply nods, not having enough energy to explain that actually, that’s impossible.

It has been years since the girl has passed away, too late for an attempt to do better.

Chaewon is comparably doing good at life now – a stable career as a record producer, working with a lot of well-known artists, she’s pretty much an accomplished person now – but the years that have gone by weren’t easy, it was excruciating. “Dead people receive more flowers for grief had always been one of the strongest feelings,” they’d say – and Chaewon would agree. She agrees that it’s one of the most difficult feelings to come to terms with, knowing that you can’t do anything to bring back a person is probably the harshest truth life had forcefully ingrained to her.

She has undergone the stages various self-care books and countless wiki-how links talk about – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance – she has experienced them all, but no, it doesn’t make anything less hard. For weeks, she has foolishly believed that her friend would still be in that hospital, only to be greeted by an empty room and the nurse giving her a hug every time with an empty hopeful promise, “You will be okay.”

The anger rising up within her, even cursing her friend for leaving her far too soon – the rational part of her knows way too well that it’s something they have no control nor say about, but she’s just too mad. Too angry that she ends up calling out to all the gods out there, looking for any deal that could possibly bring her friend back – of course, it’s impossible – not even the oh-so-bright stars shining at night could help her. She has spent years of her life dreading over what she could have done, countless dark nights wherein she’d try to make sense of what has happened – and then there comes acceptance.

Acceptance that one day, that instantaneous moment would come for everyone. Even for her.

That doesn’t mean Chaewon has expected it to come this soon though – not when they’ve just exited the coffee shop a few minutes ago, Yena standing not too far from her, talking to someone on her phone. Chaewon is just quietly staring at the trees alongside the road when she notices a brown leaf falling down – it’s the coldest week of winter, road accidents are even more frequent these days because the roads are slippery, yet there’s a brown leaf? Fall season has already ended, so it’s undeniably weird, but very interesting.

Joke’s on her, it wasn’t the only weird thing bound to happen that day.

Chaewon has always imagined how her last day on earth would be like, would it be like the countless movies she has watched? Would she be like those protagonists who fight so hard for their life, yet end up dying anyway? Maybe like those stupid people who die first on horror movies, because they are so curious of everything, so they decide to check a cursed doll instead of running away to safety? Or, maybe like those tragic love story where one would sacrifice their life for the person they love, because they think dying is such an oh-so-noble thing to do? Heck, she doesn’t even like Titanic, let alone Shakespeare – she’s no Romeo and her Juliet already went ahead of her five years ago! One thing’s for sure though, she certainly didn’t expect her death to be this anticlimactic.

She doesn’t even like kids nor superheroes, yet she ends up jumping in front of a truck to save this little girl who’s too focused on taking her doll that fell off the roads, even though the pedestrian lights clearly indicate a red – obviously, people aren’t supposed to be crossing, let alone getting that freaking doll. The little girl’s mom too distracted arguing with someone on her phone that she doesn’t notice when the child runs towards zooming cars, because that’s how kids are when left unsupervised – very prone to do stupid things. Kim Chaewon is an adult and by no means stupid, or maybe she is because she oh-so-heroically jumps in to save the poor little girl without second thoughts.

Yeah, so much for being afraid of death.

The train has arrived, they stand at the platform waiting for the doors to open. Twenty-four hours have passed by too quickly, and as much as she wants to deny it, she finds herself wanting for a tad bit more time to stay – maybe visit more places with Minjoo. The girl hands her a black rose with a white ribbon wrapped around its stem, before Chaewon could even utter anything, Minjoo speaks, “It was nice spending a day with you again.”

Chaewon blinks in confusion, she stares at the older soul guide – Sian – who’s standing behind Minjoo – the older girl simply shrugs. She hears the doors opening, other souls start boarding and she knows she should too, but a feeling rises in her chest. Not the unexplainable fear that had always, always been gnawing at her – not a trickling shiver, but a throbbing pain. A constant pulsing ache in her chest that wouldn’t seemingly stop unless she does something about it, so she does. Impulsiveness takes over, still not understanding anything, including her own actions – just like how she has been for the last twenty-four hours – she lunges on to Minjoo and envelops the girl in a tight hug, as if her life depended on it. Which is funny, because for the nth time, she’s no longer breathing, unalive – dead.

“Please, don’t go,” Chaewon desperately pleads, she could feel the tears starting to form in her eyes – no, she doesn’t have any idea why nor how, but that doesn’t make it any less painful.

“I won’t, but you have to go now, Chae.” Minjoo buries her head on the other girl’s shoulder, trying her best not to say anything unnecessary.

Upon the mention of the nickname, Chaewon grabs ahold of the soul guide’s coat, pulling her closer. As realization sinks in, things start to make sense and she feels incredibly dumb for taking this long. “Min..” Chaewon wants to say something, but stops when she casts a glance at the older soul guide – Sian – a gentle smile on her face, index finger raised against her lips with a light shake of her head, a silent warning. “Don’t.”

With a content smile, Minjoo bids her goodbye, “Chae, time’s up.”

Because I'm waiting for you,
Waiting for this dream to come true,
Just to be with you,
Remember these lines,
I'm always here, guarding you.

A/N: Hello, I am by no means a medical expert so I apologize for any inaccuracies at the portrayal of the mentioned illneses. Although I did consult Google-nim and someone more credible than Google and Quora combined - 2kimcord's walking search engine! I won't say who you are, because I know you'd k-word me if people end up randomly asking ya stuff. Hehe? Anyway, thank you to sensei too for helping me out again. As always, stan talent, stan Ginny41!
 

Also, this would have an epilogue that may or may not be released around the year's end. This is a new approach, I guess? If it doesn't work, I'll just cry. lol It would be nice to read any theories or reactions about what you've understood with this so far, feel free to shout at me on twt @/drunkcatto. CC link's on my bio too if you'd prefer that. 

Happy holidays, y'all!