Author's Note! I'm ignoring every other major scandal, and just treating them like a resolved scandal lol. TOP didn't have his twelve? year thing with the service and just continue with his military service like any other idols. Also, his name with change from TOP to Seunghyun, depending on the context. just a heads up

It has exactly been five weeks, three days, two hours, and ten seconds when Jiyong ed up his life and ended his relationship with Seungri.

True to Yang's prediction, the media backed off. The so called ex employee suddenly disappeared, the fan community quieted down, and there's no danger of exposing their otherwise private ual preference.

The band is currently in its final album tour before the member's required military service. TOP would the first to enlist, followed by Daesung, then Jiyong and Taeyang, leaving Seungri for a year before the youngest were to enlist, by then Seunghyun would've return to continue the band's journey.

Jiyong tried approaching Seungri before, subtly asking for a coffee or anything. He just wanted to spend time with maknae. He poised the question and threw them casually, like any other friend would to an acquaintance. In reality, he all but threw himself at the youngest, he wanted to hug him tight and kiss his breathe away. He wanted the warmth of the youngest by his bed at night. His comfort by the morning, and his love all day.

He was alone. In his room, in his bed, in his thoughts.

He just wanted company.

He just wanted Seungri.

But it seemed as if Seungri wanted nothing to do with him. He would excuse himself hurriedly whenever he found himself in the same room ad Jiyong. He would politely refuse all of Jiyong's invitation and spent as litle time as possible with the leader.

When otherwise he would follow Jiyong in the stage and playfully engage him with all his shenanigans, Seungri now stayed almost at the other end of the stage, creating distance between them.

Seungri no longer holds his hand in interviews, seats near him, nor even acknowledge him. He answers when prompted and skillfully lied about his closeness with all of the band members, wistfully pretended that there's no distance between them, that they're complete.

Maybe that was the truth. Maybe it was Jiyong who lied to himself about their should-be closeness. Maybe it was Jiyong who was pretending that there should be something between them when there isn't. Maybe the fault lies in the leader and not the maknae, the Tom and not the Jerry, the Ji and not the Ri.

Maybe it was Jiyong who only loved and lost. Maybe it was he that is only hurting.

And Seungri never really cared about him.

Jiyong mulled over his misery, drowning his thoughts with liquor, silencing his doubts with prompted melody. He buried himself in smoke and songs. His nights were spent in his private quarters. His days were spent in his private office. He only ever left the room to piss or to eat. Even the ordinary staff in the YG company began to notice his rather intense focus on his craft.

They thought it was just merely one of his artistic moods taking over his life and eating away his emotions.

But his friends knew better.

And just as always, Taeyang was the first to approach him - the fearless sun who shone even at the villainous dragon.

"Ji?" It all starts with a gentle nudge, a gentle reminder that Taeyang was approaching him not as a coworker, not as a bandmate...but as his longtime best friend. "Ji? You okay?"

Of course, being his friend for so long, Taeyang knew what to make sense of Jiyong's refusal to even acknowledge his friend in the room.

Jiyong's eyes remained on the blank sheet he's desperately trying to fill with notes and lyrics. But coming up short - empty.

"I know thing's been hard when—" Taeyang may be kind, but he isn't the kind to sugarcoat things. He's forward, saying everything to the point. He doesn't dance around a subject like he would when he's at the stage. "You and Seungri broke up."

"It's alright," Jiyong grunted his reply, followed by key notes being played in the piano. "I'm fine."

"No you're not," Taeyang insisted, firmly staying his ground.

"That's what you're here for then?" Jiyong couldn't help the anger in his voice. "You're here to make it all better?" He refused to turn around, to let his best friend see the anger and pain in his eyes. Jiyong will be kind enough to spare him that.

"Ji—" ever the patient man, Taeyang merely sighed and sat near the raging dragon. "It's okay to feel hurt. You've been through a lot."

"Then get out!" As always, Jiyong let his anger overtake him, ing up his life. Why couldn't he control himself even for his friend? Why must he lash out when he could've just shut his goddamn mouth. "If that's what all you need to say, I don't want to ing here it."

Why must he destroy all the good things in his life?

Taeyang took one look at him.

Ad suddenly Jiyong found himself wrapped in a warm embrace.

Jiyong thrashed as soon as he was enveloped in a makeshift prison. He lashed out and used the last of his strength to try and get free. But Taeyang was more well fed than he, had more sleep than he, and isn't hurting like he.

Taeyang didn't bulge. Like a wall, he stood straight and stoic. He took in every physical hurt that his friend was inflicting on him. He'll let himself bruise and bleed for his friend. That's just how carefully loyal Taeyang is.

Jiyong hated him more. He tried to push his body away from the warmth his friend has given him. He doesn't want his pity, he doesn't want his unwelcome warmth, he doesn't want his presence! He was okay. He was okay. He was surviving. He knew what he did was wrong and he was living in his made up hell. Who is Taeyang to just drag his stubbornness in him? Who is he to say that Jiyong has any right to cry? Any right to feel emotion other than regret and misery? Jiyong was wrong. He had admitted it to himself, why must Taeyang pretend that Jiyong has any right to be anything than that?

He deserves this. He deserves the pain. The misery. The loneliness. He deserves all of it. He brought this to himself. He dig up his own grave.

So who was Taeyang to give him redemption? Even God shouldn't forgive a selfish man like Jiyong.

Jiyong didn't even realize it, but his tears has already soaked Taeyang's shirt. He was wailing like a child forcefully torn away from his mother. He was shouting and crying as he struggle against his friend's hold.

Taeyang took it all. The anger and the tears.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," Jiyong kept repeating like a prayer. He no longer struggle against his friend's hold. He buried his face in Taeyang's wet shirt. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," the mantra was muffled as Jiyong continues to sob his apologies. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," but he never told him what he was apologizing for.

Taeyang shushed Jiyong's cries. He gently rubbed his back as he pulled him closer to a deeper hug. He let his friend let it out, all the emotions stuck inside of him.

Jiyong always does to himself. He bottles up his emotions and let it consume him until he was burning in a hell of his own making.

Seungri had helped in hushing this demon. Due to Jiyong's unending desire to Seungri, Seungri's equally unending adorableness, Seungri uses all this against Jiyong, asking him occasionally how he feels. Jiyong cannot lie against his lover. Seungri would know and he would pout and look deeply hurt that his lover would try and lie to him. Jiyong would cave and confess what he actually feels. Seungri would then help him deal with him.

It was a perfect connection. Seungri became a pseudo clutch that Jiyong uses to remain sane in a world that is so keen on pushing anyone beyond their humanity.

And now it's gone. And all Jiyong wanted was to wake up in a world that it wasn't.