“Ningning.”

Xiening looks up. “Hm?”

“Oh no, I wasn’t talking to you.” Yiyang gestures to her phone. “I was looking at a post of Yizhuo. You know, uh, Ningning. From SM.”

“Oh,” Xiening says, something flashing through her eyes. “From Aespa,” she says, carefully, like she’s worried about Yiyang’s reaction.

“Yeah,” Yiyang says quietly. “Aespa.” Her eyes flicker down to her screen, to a message in a group chat she still has with Koeun and some of the other ex-SM trainees. The SM Rookies that never got a chance to be more than rookies.

“I saw that you liked her teaser, and then you un-liked it pretty soon after.”

“I would have left the like but. It’s probably better for fans not to see that kind of thing. They’re rueful enough.” Yiyang clears . “Anyway, I congratulated Yizhuo privately. She’s very talented; she deserves it.”

“I’m sure she is,” Xiening says, with a rather rueful smile. “Talent isn’t lacking in this industry, right?” There’s something shadowed about her expression, and Yiyang wonders if she’s thinking about her old group.

“It really isn’t,” Yiyang says, thinking about the more talented trainees around her who had left one after the other like toppling dominoes, knowing that there would be someone to replace them, someone prettier, thinner, a better vocal or dancer or rapper. She thought that she’s made her peace with the what ifs in her career, but something about this debut announcement still struck her, a blow that was anticipated but is nevertheless painful.

“Yangyang?” Xiening asks gently. “Are you okay?”

“I didn’t make it at SM and I didn’t make it in Produce Camp either.” Yiyang swallows and casts her eyes down. “It just…it feels like I failed, you know?”

“Yiyang.” Xiening’s voice is soft, so soft. Yiyang knows her gaze would be too, but she can’t bring herself to raise her head.

“I’m not—I’m not complaining or throwing a pity party, it’s just…”

“It makes you feel like you’re not good enough,” Xiening finishes. Yiyang looks up and sees not pity in Xiening’s eyes but understanding. Of course Xiening gets it.

“Yeah,” Yiyang says, her voice almost fading away.

Xiening is quiet for a moment. “You know that proverb about the man who fell off his horse?”

Yiyang stares at her. “Sai weng shi ma^[1]?”

“Yeah, that one. How does the full story go again?”

Yiyang blinks, bemused by the sudden question, and Xiening looks at her innocently, earnestly, like she really wants to learn a lesson. Somehow Yiyang finds herself explaining. “A man loses his horse and everyone comforts him about it but he says, how do you know this isn’t a good thing? Then later the horse comes back with an even better horse and everyone congratulates him and he says, how do you know this isn’t a bad thing? And then his son falls off the horse when riding it one day and breaks his leg and everyone consoles him and he says, how do you know this isn’t a good thing? And later they get invaded and all the young men go off to fight and almost all of them die, but because his son was injured he couldn’t go, and both the son and the father lived.”

“You do a better job explaining that proverb than my elementary school teacher did,” Xiening says. “You should make a video where you teach your foreign fans proverbs.”

Yiyang laughs. “I feel like my Chinese isn’t up to par to do that.”

“I think it is,” Xiening says. “You’d be a great Chinese teacher. Xu-laoshi,” she says, batting her eyelashes, and Yiyang snorts even as her cheeks warm.

“I’m giving you detention if you’re my student.”

Xiening widens her eyes. “But I didn’t do anything.”

“Like I’d believe that. You’re a troublemaker.”

“Don’t you like a girl who’s a little bad, Xu-laoshi?”

Yiyang wonders if they’re starting a teacher-student roleplay, and she can’t say that’s ever interested her before but suddenly it’s…not unappealing.

“What, uh, what was the point of you bringing up sai weng shi ma?”

Xiening’s expression suddenly becomes serious. “So, maybe you lost your horse, but later on you’ll get a better horse. The whole point of that proverb is that a loss can be a blessing in disguise, right? Or the other way around, but we won’t think about that part.”

Yiyang starts to smile. “Only the good part, huh?”

“Only the good part,” Xiening agrees with a grin. “I mean, the man and the son were okay in the end, right?”

“Well, I don’t know, there might be a continuation to the proverb that drags on the saga.”

Xiening makes an impatient sound. “Teach me more proverbs later, Xu-laoshi. I can think of something else I’d rather be learning right now.”

And Yiyang can’t argue with that.

“You’re going through hair colours like nail polish,” Yiyang says, running her fingers through a lock of it.

Xiening pouts. “You mean, you don’t like my hair?”

“No, of course I do,” Yiyang says immediately and Xiening grins like a child who had gotten away with stealing a candy. Yiyang stifles a sigh and shakes her head. Sometimes, she can’t believe that Xiening is older than her. “Just when I think about how much I like it and want it to stay, you go and change it.”

“It’s good to have some variety in life,” Xiening says in what she probably thinks is a sage voice. “But tell me what colour you like best on me and I’ll dye it that.”

“I like any colour on you.”

Xiening claps her hands to her cheeks like she’s blushing. “Since when were you such a flirt?”

“I guess I learned a thing or two from a certain master flirt,” Yiyang says dryly. “Do you have a favourite hair colour on me?”

“Black,” Xiening says readily. “It’s the hair colour you had when we first met.”

Yiyang blinks. “You remember that?”

“Of course I do,” Xiening says, like Yiyang would be crazy to doubt that. “Plus, it’s your real hair colour.”

“Sometimes, I don’t know what’s real about me and what isn’t, anymore,” Yiyang says quietly, eyes cast downwards.

“Sometimes I don’t know either,” Xiening murmurs. “But.”

“Mm?”

“This is real. I look at you and I know what’s real and what maybe isn’t real yet but we can make real one day.”

When Yiyang raises her head, she sees Xiening giving her a soft but steady smile. And when Yiyang reaches out her hand, Xiening’s fingers find their way between hers surely, effortlessly, a reality she can ground herself in.

“Yangyang,” Xiening says with a whine. “I’m kind of sad.”

Yiyang looks at her in concern. “Why?”

Xiening pouts. “I’m not the first Ning in your life.”

Yiyang stares at her incredulously for a second, but then breaks into a laugh. “Well, I’m the – what, twentieth Yi in your life? It’s such a common character.”

“No, you’re number one.” Xiening’s tone is playful but her gaze is solemn. “And you’re anything but common.”

Yiyang swallows. “Xiening.”

“Yiyang,” Xiening returns, so much tenderness in her voice that Yiyang is struck mute by it. “I have a proverb for you.”

“Okay? Are you using one of those a proverb per day apps or something?”

“No, I actually got this from our ship supertopic.”

“Our—” Yiyang’s mouth falls open. “You go on that?”

“Yeah, I sign in every day.” At Yiyang’s incredulous expression, Xiening quickly adds, “Don’t worry, on my private account. Nobody knows it’s me. Well, except Ruyun, but she won’t expose me. She would be a bad president of the YiXie fanclub.”

Yiyang is now speechless for a different reason.

“Actually, if I say it, you probably won’t get it because it’s a pun. Well, multiple puns. But look.” Xiening pulls out her phone and shows Yiyang eight characters that she can’t help but smile at. “Aren’t our fans so clever and creative?”

艺眼望宁 些徐动情^[2]

Yi yan wang ning. Xie xu dong qing.

My eyes fixed on you. My heart stirring.

“Your heart probably stirs at every pretty girl you lay eyes on,” Yiyang snorts.

“That’s not true,” Xiening whines, her voice cracking. “Why do you have so little faith in me?”

“I told you – you’re a troublemaker,” Yiyang says, trying her hardest to maintain a strict expression, but she caves and laughs at Xiening’s pout. “Liu Xiening,” she says, more serious now. “I have all the faith in the world in you, and I always will.”

“Xu Yiyang,” Xiening returns. “It’s the same for me.”

Her eyes fix on Yiyang’s and Yiyang’s heart stirs, soars, sings. She reaches out, wanting Xiening to join in the song, and Xiening sighs against like the sweetest of melodies.

A/N: [1] The full proverb they talked about is 塞翁失馬，焉知非福 (sàiwēng shī mǎ, yānzhī fēi fú). Wiktionary has a good entry on it. I basically took Baidu Baike's entry and simplified it a bit. I've always liked this proverb.

[2] 艺眼望宁 些徐动情 is a saying that YiXie fans use a lot. It’s a pun on 一眼望您 些许动情 (loosely “eyes looking at you, heart stirring a little”) where they replaced some of the characters with characters from YiXie’s names.