'Cause as long as there's each other
The world won't even matter
And life would be a simple bliss
It'd be as simple as this

Nature has always been fickle, susceptible to different factors which affect everyone in one way or another. Constantly changing, never one to settle on anything particular; but once in a while, it sleeps – temperature significantly lowers, frost starts to form, snow covers the ground, trees become bare, animals enter hibernation and people begin cursing the season for freezing the roads.

When the earth is tilted away from the sun, the rays from the sun would need to travel further through the atmosphere before they reach the surface. That’s when one would know that winter has finally come – the days grow shorter and the nights grow longer. Along the coldest time of the year, falling, slipping and sliding on ice become a lot more common. Worse, the freezing cold makes it incredibly excruciating to leave the comfort of one’s bed, let alone having to get out of the house and attend univ classes. In other words, winter makes everything at least three times more annoying.

So, it surprises Haseul when she wakes up to the cheerful humming of her roommate. The last time she checked, Sooyoung hates winter just as much as she does. (And honestly, who doesn’t?)

“Are you sick?” Haseul questions, her hair still messy, eyes still half-asleep. Their wall clock indicates that it’s still too early for them to be getting up from their beds, yet here is Sooyoung – happily preparing what seems to be too much food for the both of them. Sure, her roommate is a good cook, but it still doesn’t explain why she’s up so early.

“Good morning! Want some coffee?” Sooyoung shortly greets Haseul, her voice sounding too chirpy for someone who had just woken up.

“…Hello? What’s the occasion? Did I forget my birthday or what?” Haseul takes a seat on their small dining table, still baffled with her friend’s seemingly good mood. As seniors, they have taken their final exams a week earlier than other students. They don’t really have any reason to be up this early and normally, they’d opt to sleep until noon then spend the rest of the day just being lazy.

Sooyoung simply shrugs, gives her a playful eye-roll and hands her a cup of hot coffee. The girl goes back to what she’s doing, a satisfied smile plastered across her face as she carefully packs the food into small plastic containers. “Exam week ends today. I just want to do something for Jiwoo.”

Haseul’s ears immediately perk up, a teasing grin surfacing, sleepiness has been momentarily forgotten in exchange of a chance at making fun of her friend. “Aww, girlfriend duties? I didn’t know you could be this sweet, I almost wanna throw up. How cute.”

“Shut up, as if you aren’t just as cringey with Vivi-unnie,” Sooyoung snickers, trying to contain the blush creeping up her face. Ignoring her friend’s teasing, she proceeds to carry the rest of the dishes to their dining table, “Also, she isn’t my girlfriend.”

“And whose fault do you think is that?” Unamused, the short-haired girl asks, takes a sip of her coffee before continuing, “Maybe if you aren’t such a coward.”

Her roommate reaches for the rolled omelets, but Sooyoung takes the plate away from her. She’s aware that her friend is merely stating the truth; but that doesn’t make it any less annoying, so she decides to be petty. “What was that again?”

Looking betrayed, Haseul scoffs, “Okay, okay, forgive me, your majesty. I shall keep my mouth shut with food.”

Sooyoung nods, putting down the plate, contented with the answer her friend gave her. They eat quietly with Haseul yawning occasionally, probably still wanting to sleep more. They remain peaceful for a while until Sooyoung blurts out a question, her voice carries a serious tone which catches her friend’s attention right away, making her stop from eating. “How were you able to easily get over it?”

Haseul notes how the girl’s expression shifts, a hint of discomfort upon mentioning something she has decided to bury behind. They both know they have to eventually talk about it, they have been putting it off for far too long. Honestly, they find it ridiculous how it has been years, yet they would still flinch upon the mention of what has happened. Her friend is the first one to mention it this time though – that’s something new, so Haseul thinks it’s probably about time to finally address this once and for all. “Who said it was easy? Of course, I miss Sol a lot.”

Sol. Jinsol.

Sooyoung has been trying her best not to mention the girl’s name, but now that Haseul says it out loud, it’s really silly. All this time, what was she so afraid of? Since when did saying their friend’s name become such a difficult thing to do? What’s so wrong about it?

These days, Sooyoung has started to come to terms with the endless thoughts plaguing her mind. It wasn’t easy at first, having to let go of the pent-up emotions she has been restraining for years wasn’t a simple thing to do. All these years, she has been too caught up with her own misery, almost forgetting that Haseul must have been suffering as well. “Did you ever blame yourself?”

“Yeah. I did, but not anymore.” Haseul truthfully admits, and for some reason, knowing that she wasn’t the only one brooding over it comforts Sooyoung. Her friend gives her a kind smile, a silent encouragement and assurance that it’s okay, things will turn out fine. With that, they continue eating – basking in the silence of the cold morning.

At least until her same-aged friend goes back to her usual self, the oh-so-peaceful moment didn’t exactly last for long. Of course, Haseul wouldn’t be Haseul if she doesn’t make a fuss and be nosy about Sooyoung’s love life. (Or, the lack thereof.)

“Are you really really sure you’re not dating Jiwoo?” Haseul asks for what seems like the hundredth time just over the past month, eyes squinted, scanning the other girl’s face for any hint of dishonesty. Most likely, she would keep on asking over and over again until she finally gets the answer she wants. Lowering her voice, she adds in a half-whisper, “Don’t be shy, I won’t tease you too much. I still would, but not too much!”

“Yeah, we’re not dating,” Sooyoung retorts, unintentionally dragging out the last word as if she isn’t sure herself. She’d like to blame Haseul for asking too many questions, thus making her doubt things on her own. She knows it would be a lie to say that she hasn’t been thinking about it all along though. Well, not that she’d ever admit that out loud. (Or maybe she would.)

Haseul let out a frustrated groan – she thought she’s already such a useless gay herself, but her friend here is clearly a living proof that she isn’t that bad yet. Sighing, she’s about to throw a tantrum and scream at her roommate when Sooyoung surprisingly adds, “I kinda wish we are though.”

“Oooh, you’ve caught something.” Haseul takes back everything she has said, maybe her friend isn’t that hopeless after all.

“Caught what?” Sooyoung mused, pretty much still unaware where the conversation is heading. She sees her friend’s serious face, and she almost believes it for a second. Almost.

“Feelings.” The short-haired girl proudly says, bearing a teasing grin and eyebrows playfully raising. For Sooyoung, it’s another day of reminding herself that Haseul is her friend, and she shouldn’t accidentally throw the chopsticks she’s holding to her oh-so-kind best friend’s annoying face.

At least the girl volunteers to clean up and wash their plates though, urging Sooyoung to go ahead and prepare herself. With another sidenote, “Go get you girl, good luck!”

Winter is the season wherein people would prefer staying at the comfort of their homes – staring out the window, waiting for spring. February is about to end; morning news talked how today has one of the lowest temperatures recorded in history. As Sooyoung walks around the boulevard of Seoul National University, she passes by countless students dressed with thick coats, doing their best to survive the wrath of the chilling air. A thin blanket of snow covers everything – the array of trees bounding the road, even the pavement she’s walking in is as white as the clouds decorating the sky – the glorious work of the light snowfall earlier.

Sooyoung wonders if penguins do just fine on winter. “Do they even hibernate?” She’d insist she’s just curious, it certainly has nothing to do with the tiny girl who reminds her of those adorable creatures. Penguins should be used to the cold climate, right? Jiwoo wouldn’t be sick or anything, right?

Before her mind could go further, worrying about her favorite penguin’s well-being, the girl shows up. Wrapped in a white padded jacket, looking so soft, Jiwoo frantically waves at her, “Sooyoungie!!!”

The girl’s overly-excited loud voice catches the attention of some passersby, which Sooyoung ignores. Or, maybe it’s more accurate to say that she’s too busy admiring Jiwoo who resembles a fluffy marshmallow to even care about her surroundings. During winter, the earth isn’t supposed to be facing the sun, right? It’s literally freezing, but she could feel the familiar warmth blooming in her chest just with the mere sight of this tiny human being who goes by the name Kim Jiwoo. Oh, the things Kim Jiwoo does to her heart. Ha Sooyoung is beyond saving. (And she doesn’t seem to be complaining.)

The older girl waves back, an affectionate smile paints her lips, which quickly falls into a small frown as she notices the presence of the stranger beside Jiwoo. A girl bearing a black short hair who is undeniably attractive, but Sooyoung is more focused on the stranger’s left arm intertwined with Jiwoo’s right arm. The girl has probably noticed Sooyoung’s not-so-subtle staring, because she takes back her arm and awkwardly clears .

“Juwonnie, this is Ha Sooyoung,” Jiwoo happily beams, oblivious with the older girl’s growing frown.

“I’m Cha Juwon…nice to meet you?” Juwon reluctantly offers a handshake, Sooyoung simply nods, giving the stranger’s hand a firm shake. Clearly, it doesn’t take a genius to realize what’s happening. Fortunately, Juwon isn’t as oblivious as Jiwoo. (Or, she’d just rather exit the scene as soon as possible before Sooyoung could jump on her.) She immediately adds, “Ah, I have to go now. See ya later, Jiwoo-ssi.”

Jiwoo blinks back at the sudden use of honorifics, but Juwon leaves before she could even utter anything. Clueless, she shouts at her friend’s retreating back, “Text me later, Juwonnie!”

“Juwonnie…” Sooyoung grumpily mumbles, her voice coming out more as an incoherent whisper. The younger girl gives her a questioning look, her head slightly tilted, confused whether she has said something wrong.

“I’ve never heard of her?” This time, the older girl audibly speaks, taking Jiwoo’s hand – putting their interlocked fingers in the pocket of her coat. Sooyoung would insist it’s for the purpose of keeping their hands warm, which isn’t a lie, but isn’t entirely right either.

“Jungie was absent the other day and we needed partners, then she’s there,” Jiwoo being Jiwoo – always affectionate to everyone – she starts to rumble about this Juwonnie, unaware that Sooyoung had stopped listening after the first sentence.

Her mind is currently engrossed with the growing urge to strangle their beloved friend Kim Jungeun. The girl is supposed to be the responsible one out of the bunch, right? Just why did she have to miss that freaking class? Of course, Sooyoung isn’t blaming her for letting Jiwoo and whoever that Juwonnie is for being buddies; she’s just concerned for Jungeun’s grades. Students are not supposed to miss their classes. Right, she’s just being a good senior who wants to set her younger friends into the correct path.

“She’s nice. Very pretty too, right?” Jiwoo excitedly adds, making the older girl raise her eyebrows. Okay, she isn’t a violent person, but maybe she should really strangle Jungeun.

“You think she’s pretty?” Sooyoung chimes in, her voice sounding monotonous – if one would look closely, they’d see the oh-so-famous green-eyed monster peeking.

“Yep.” Jiwoo naively beams back, making the older girl grumpier.

“Okay.” Sooyoung coldly responds, not even sparing the other girl a glance.

“What…okay?” Jiwoo stops walking, making Sooyoung halt on her tracks as well.

“Nothing, I said okay.” She answers, still refusing to look at the other girl. For some unknown reason, she feels more annoyed than usual – mostly at Jungeun, she’d make sure to give their friend an earful next time.

Seeing Sooyoung’s not-so-subtle pout, something inside Jiwoo just clicks – finally understanding what’s going on with the older girl. Amused, she throws her head back with a loud cackle, almost wanting to clutch her stomach. Amidst her fits of laughter, she jokes, “Wait…are you jealous?”

At last, Sooyoung turns her back – directly facing the younger girl’s gaze, “Yes. Very jealous. What about it?”

Now, that’s a surprise. She isn’t complaining, but she didn’t expect Sooyoung to actually answer. She’s just teasing her as usual, but who knew the older girl would really be like this? Maybe she should thank Juwon later. Fascinated, she tries to probe a bit more, “Are you saying you like me then?”

“No. I’m saying,” Sooyoung pauses, her gaze falling on the snowy pavement they are standing on as if it has suddenly become the most interesting thing on earth. The younger expectantly waits for her to continue, so she bashfully adds, “I love you, I think.”

Jiwoo squints her eyes, “You think?”

“No, I know so!” Sooyoung briskly replies, confidently this time – her voice loud and clear.

Tiptoeing, Jiwoo gives her lips a soft peck, too brief for the older girl to even process what just happened. Biting back a smile, the shorter girl asks, “Is that okay?”

Still on a daze, Sooyoung touches her lips, still baffled that Jiwoo just kissed her. Albeit being quick, that still doesn’t change the fact that the girl just kissed her out of nowhere on the middle of the boulevard. Her face burns up, probably all the way to her ears. (It’s okay, she could blame the cold weather.) Internally screaming, she replies, “More than okay. Do it more often.”

Eyes crinkling, the widest grin plastered across her soft features, Jiwoo brightly declares, “Good. I love you too.”

Bright.

Sometimes, when things become too much, one would be afraid to reach out for help – too terrified to drag down the persons they love into the pit of darkness that their mind has unknowingly conjured. Life tends to mess things up out of nowhere and when it does, it leaves a mark that could last a lifetime. A scar that would continuously haunt a person for days, weeks, months or sometimes even years.

For Sooyoung, it’s comparable to an insistent spooky ghost that bangs on her door whenever November comes. It shamelessly barges in, signifying the start of another winter – the cold air piercing and stinging every fiber of her being. And every year, the ghost would keep on visiting her, a lingering curse that’s in need of a powerful sorcerer.

Except in this world, magic doesn’t really exist – so what she seeks for is a mellow bright place that could soothe the aching cold.

Sooyoung has been frozen in time for far too long.

Jiwoo is neither a sorcerer who could lift the curse nor a necromancer who could chase away the ghost – she’s just Jiwoo. The girl with the brightest, softest, most precious smile who got a tight grip on her. Her ball of sunshine that would warmly embrace Sooyoung on her darkest nights, reminding her that she’s not alone in this.

Just Jiwoo who keeps her head afloat, she's her every little thing in between November Blues.

Bad days are still bound to come, but for Sooyoung – her spring has arrived. It’s still freezing, but holding Jiwoo’s hand makes her realize that it’s undeniably the warmest winter she ever had for years.

All will be alright in time.

To Sol, 28 Feb 2021, 9:30am: Right now, I’m happy.