sol and luna

are love

and fear

one fades

as the other rises.

– unknown

 

 

 

 

 

It's not the goodbye that hurts, it is the flashbacks that follow.

 

Nung mga oras na papalayo yung taxi saakin, sumagi sa isip ko na habulin ka, katukin ka sa loob at magmakaawa na subukan nalang ulit.

 

Gusto kong ipaalala sayo na, ako yung mahal mo taeyeon, ako yung pinangakuan mo ng kasal.

 

Pero i never did.

 

Nanatili akong nakatayo sa loob ng bahay, pinagmamasdan yung mga litrato kung saan may mga tunay na ngiti pang nakaukit saating mga labi.

 

Kinabukasan maaga akong umalis ng bahay, hindi naiwasan ng mga mata ko yung dining table.

 

Before i go to work palagi mong sinasabi na kumain muna ako ng food kasi baka magutom ako, ayaw mong nagugutom ako.

 

And everytime i go home sinasalubong mo ako ng yakap at kaagad na lalabas sa bibig mo ang mga salitang nagpapalakas saakin. "Welcome home, Dr.Hwang the savior of everyone, you did well"

 

It was hard to let you go, kasi hindi lang girlfriend ang nawala saakin. I also lost my bestfriend, my partner in crime, my strength, my happiness.

 

You were my everything, and when i let you go i came back to nothing.

 

Uuwi ako ng bahay na walang sumasalubong saakin, uuwi akong walang magsasabi na i did well today.

 

This doesn't feel like home, because you're not here anymore.

 

But still you remain as my favorite memory, the memory i will always choose to look back.

 

And the hardest part of moving on is the what if's.

 

What if hindi ako umalis.

 

What if nakuntento ako sa buhay ko dito sa pilipinas.

 

What if nagadjust ako, at naghanap ng time para sayo.

 

What if hindi mo siya nakilala.

 

What if pinakasalan mo ako pagbalik ko.

 

What if ako padin yung mahal mo.

 

Kasabay ang mga tanong, yung mga tanong na hindi magawang itanong, mga tanong na hindi nagawang sagutin.

 

Saan ako nagkamali?

 

Saan ako nagkulang?

 

Did i ever make you feel unloved, kaya ka naghanap ng pagmamahal sa iba?

 

Or hindi ka lang talaga nakuntento?

 

Kailan mo nakalimutang ako yung mahal mo?

 

"And they never get the chance to be together again, the end"

 

Sinarado ko yung libro, at hinarap si juyeon.

 

"That was sad" nagpout siya, pagkatapos tumingin ulit saakin.

 

"But Tita Miyoung, bakit di nagtry si Tiffany na habulin siya?" i smiled.

 

"If she did chase her, parang inaalis niya lang yung karapatan ni Taeyeon na maging masaya"

 

"Pero hindi siya naging masaya, kasi she let the person she loves leave"

 

"Do you think Tiffany will be happy if every night she would hear the one she loves cry because she couldn't be happy"

 

He stayed silent,then looked at me.

 

"Kung ikaw si Tiffany? Would you still ask for a chance to start over again"

 

Hindi ako nakasagot, napaisip ako.

 

What if i asked for another chance, okay kaya tayo? masaya kaya tayo hanggang ngayon? pinakasalan mo na kaya ako?

 

Heto nanaman ang what if's.

 

Hanggang ngayon, minumulto padin ako ng mga matatamis mong ngiti, noong masaya pa tayo.

 

"Juyeon tama na, don't interview your tita miyoung may work pa siya bukas pagod na yan"

 

Tumango ito, tumayo siya then he patted my head. "Dr. Hwang, you did well" biglaan niyang sabi before he ran back to his room.

 

Napangiti ako, Napangiti din si jessica. "Naalala mo siya?" tumango ako.

 

"Let's eat muna" while walking to their kitchen nasalubong namin si yuri may bitbit siyang tray.

 

"Healthy ba yang papakain mo kay juyeon love?" jessica asked her, tumango siya at ngumiti.

 

"Hindi lahat, pero may fruits naman" jessica nodded then she kissed yuri's cheeks bago ako hilain palayo.

 

"Sanaol" tumawa siya, hindi ko feel na third wheel ako kapag kasama ko sila siguro kasi we've been friends bago pa nagkaroon ng sila.

 

They got juyeon sa favorite mong orphanage, yung palagi nating binibisita kasi you love kids so much.

 

Kakain na dapat kami, kung hindi lang tumunog yung phone ko.

 

"Hello" unregistered number, baka isa lang sa workmates ko na nakalimutan kong isave ang number.

 

"Hi" natigil ako, hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko. After so many years ngayon ko lang ulit narinig yung boses mo.

 

"Wag mo munang ibababa" i was about to do that.

 

"Taeyeon, n-napatawag ka?" I heard a deep sigh from the other line.

 

"Alam kong nasaktan kita noon, But i need your help right now"

 

Hindi ko alam kung anong pumasok sa isip ko at nandito ako sa hospital, right in front of you.

 

Jessica assured me kanina na wala namang masama if i see you again, maybe this also the time na pwedeng masagot yung mga tanong ko.

 

"Tiffany" you smiled, a genuine one.

 

"Hey" you took a step forward, you're still a bit hesitant.

 

"I know it's too much to ask" tumigil ka "i can't lose her, ikaw lang yung doctor na pinagkakatiwalaan ko kaya sayo ako lumapit"

 

Your face softened "please save her"

 

I have no reason to decline, so i agreed. "I will"

 

At sa hindi mabilang na pagkakataon, i saved your happiness again. but now it doesn't cost my own.

 

I went inside the emergency room kung nasaan siya, before we start the surgery she held my hand.

 

"I'm sorry, if i took away your happiness"

 

"Don't be, you deserve her" you deserve my happiness

 

"I'll save you, so you can keep her happy"

 

"Don't make her sad okay"

 

After hours of surgery, we saved her successfully. Napangiti ako, ang sarap sa feeling when you save a life.

 

Pagkalabas ko sa emergency room i saw you waiting outside, hindi ka umuwi, you stayed here, at pinipilit mong manatiling gising.

 

I grabbed two coffees from the cafeteria, tumabi ako sayo at inabot ito. you look tired.

 

"How is she?"

 

"She's going to be okay, we'll transfer her sa room niya then you can visit her after"

 

Nanatili tayong tahimik na nakaupo.

 

"Thank you" tumingin ako sayo, nagtama ang mga mata natin.

 

"You're always welcome" Nanlambot ang mga mata mo, and tears started to flow.

 

"I'm still sorry for what i did to you" ngumiti ako at pinunasan yung luha mo.

 

Inalis ko yung tingin ko sayo pagkatapos, i can't deny the fact na may feelings padin, hindi naman mawawala yun.

 

"You know i wonder, where did we go wrong?"

 

"I can't answer that neither" you paused "Hindi ko alam, i just woke up na hinahanap ko yung presence mo"

 

"She was there as a friend, i didn't know why but i found myself falling for her, hindi pumasok sa isip ko na masasaktan kita"

 

"Bakit, bakit hindi ako yung pinili mo?"

 

"You deserve someone na hindi nalilito sa nararamdaman niya, you deserve someone na kayang ibigay yung buong pagmamahal niya sayo"

 

"I'm not that someone"

 

Hearing you talk, gusto kitang sampalin, gusto kitang sakalin.

 

Thirteen years, and you're still saying i don't deserve you?

 

"Bakit hindi mo sinabi?" baka sakaling naayos sana natin.

 

"I can't, i don't have enough courage to hurt you" but you did.

 

"Minahal mo ba talaga ako? or you just love my company?"

 

"I loved you"

 

"And i will always be"

 

I smiled "but you love her the most"

 

"Thank you for giving me the best years of my life, i will always keep that in my heart"

 

"And thank you for thinking about my happiness again"

 

May mga tao nga sigurong hindi talaga para saatin, binibigay lang para maging part ng journey natin.

 

"She's awake, and she's waiting for you" 

 

You stood up, ngumiti ka at niyakap mo ako.

 

"Dr.Hwang the savior of everyone, you did well again"

 

You took a step away from me.

 

I was your prologue, but never your epilogue

 

mula kay luna, para kay sol.

 

masaya ako para sayo.