A cold breeze softly brushed against my skin as I silently listened to the soothing sound of the wind. My mind was totally blank and I was staring at the sky while tears slowly made their way out of my eyes.

It’s been two years… but the memory still lingers in my mind like it was only yesterday. There isn’t a day that passes by that I don’t regret what I had done. I already knew the consequences even before I made the decision. But I didn’t expect that the pain would remain even if the wound had already healed.

A bitter smile suddenly appeared on my lips. I was a fool. And now I was paying the price for what I had done.

***********
Two years ago…

“We will be having a concert next month. So I don’t think I would be able to go out that much by that time. So let’s just make better use of the available time we have right now. I already fixed my schedule so I am totally yours for 3 whole days,” the man sitting in front of me happily said with his eyes still gleaming with excitement.

“3 days? That’s great,” I said with a hint of boredom in my voice. He immediately noticed it and in return, I saw the flash of pain in his eyes.

“Do you have other plans? Aren’t you happy to be with me? If there is anything else that you would like to do, you can just tell me and I will surely…”

“I don’t have any plans. We can do anything you want,” I immediately cut him off. I knew he was going to say something else but I wasn’t really interested in listening to his petty talks.
******

It wasn’t always like this.

Maybe because he was never beside me when I needed him, or maybe it is because he never gave me enough attention. I know some people may find me to be selfish and totally unreasonable with the way I was treating him. But someone who has truly loved will be the only one who can truly understand me and the situation I was going through.

“Sometimes even the strongest heart can get weak, and sometimes the most loving person can change and get tired from waiting.”

We have been going out for almost a year but during that entire time we were only able to go on a so-called date for a total of three times. One time was when he was with his brother and the other time was when he asked me to go the parking area of their apartment building and the last one was when he secretly went to a convenience store with his friends.

Date?.... I already call those instances as a date. We never got the chance to be alone for more than ten minutes without his manager or his friends calling him on his phone or just appearing to suddenly tell him that it is already time to leave.

Everytime he left me alone, my heart cried silently. I knew who he was. I knew why he needed to hide and pretend that he didn’t have me in his life. But still… my heart ached.

I tried hard to bear the pain and bitterness I was feeling. Every time I saw his face featured in a magazine or he was being interviewed in a show, my heart always leaps up in joy but as soon as it falls down… it goes straight down to the ground.

I know thousands of girls would instantly trade places with me without even thinking… just to have him. BUT… DO I REALLY HAVE HIM?

“How can you say that you have someone when you can’t even hold him in your arms? How can you say that you have someone when you can’t even spend some time alone with him? How can you say that you have someone when you can just hear his voice on the phone? How can you say that you have someone when he locks you up in a secret hiding place so that no one will ever find out about you?”

Sadly, bitterly… this is me…

******

It was exactly on our one year anniversary when I decided that I was already tired and that it had to stop. And so with just a simple goodbye and a foolish reason, I gave up on the only man that I treasured.

*******

Now…

Here I am…

Still staring at the same old picture that I had kept hidden.

Foolish… that’s me.

Back then I said that I was already tired, but right after I gave up on him, it was only then my heart suddenly realized that it wasn’t complete without him.

It was already too late when I suddenly realized my mistake. But I couldn’t turn back time and change what I had done. So all I could do was accept everything and just try to forget.

But I never did… my heart never did…

He was the only man and will be the last…

*******

“Hyo-ju.”

I quickly turned around and saw my friend.

“Yes?” I asked with a smile.

My friend gave me a concerned look. “You’re thinking of him again?”

I lowered my head. “Mianhe, I just can’t help it. He just pops up in my mind and I can’t stop myself from thinking about him.”

My friend shook her head in pity. “It’s been two years. Let go… He’s already very famous and he surely has another girl now. So spare yourself from more pain. Forget him, please.”

I smiled with bitterness and just nodded.

*******

Two years ago… on this exact day… I gave up on him. But until now, my heart continued to call out his name. Now I am wondering when my heart will be able to live on its own again.

As I continued to walk, my feet somehow led me to the same old spot where we once hanged out with his friends. And even though I wanted to turn back and just walk away, I still entered the place. Then I carefully sat at the same table where we once sat.

I was silently drinking a soju when someone unexpectedly sat on the seat in front of me.

“Happy anniversary,” the man uttered.

I quickly blinked my eyes, once, twice, thrice… AM I DREAMING?

“Are you real or just a fragment of my imagination?” I asked, still unable to believe what I was seeing.

The man smiled with the same brilliant smile that sent a thousand stars shining in front of my eyes.

“I am real, Hyo-ju.”

“Junsu,” I uttered.

“Happy Anniversary,” he repeated.

Tears started to fill my eyes. “Are you mocking me?” I asked as my voice started to quiver.

“No. And why would I do that?” he asked seriously.

“How can you say happy anniversary when… we already broke up two years ago?” I asked as I tried to control myself from breaking down.

He carefully took my hand and held it tightly. “Whoever said that we broke up? Two years ago, you said that you were tired from waiting for me and that you wanted to leave. But do you remember what I said to you?”

I looked straight into his eyes, as if asking for the answer. I was totally confused.

Again he smiled. “I told you… I was willing to give you space, if that is what you needed. I was willing to give you freedom, if it is what will make you happy. But remember I also told you that no matter how long it will take, I will wait for you patiently. I never said that I agreed to a break up. So officially we never broke up… My heart still beats for you. And I believe two years is already a very long time for a girl like you to be free… I think it’s time that I take back the most important thing that I have lost, don’t you think so?”he then carefully placed a ring on my finger. “I still love you Hyo-ju. I don’t want to continue living my life without you. Please come back home… back into my arms.”

My heart was already singing in total joy as I happily looked at the ring on my finger. I was finally back where I belonged. I was finally back in the arms of the man I love.

“Sometimes loving someone means letting go, but letting go doesn’t necessarily mean that you will need to forget. It just means giving some space in order for the other person to grow. “

“There are times that we will feel we need a change in our lives. There is nothing wrong with change or with wanting something different. We just have to remember to always look back where we started because most of the time that is where we will find the clue to what is the most important thing in our lives.”